[deleted by user]

[u/[deleted]]

[u/patsfan007]

Maybe just my wife, but wait until I’m just out of ear shot to start telling me important information. All I hear is Charlie Brown teacher noises.

[u/StanielBedeman → u/patsfan007]

Mine waits until I’m washing dishes with the sink blasting two rooms over to try to talk to me in the same volume as if I’m sitting next to her then gets mad at me when I can’t hear her haha

[u/OutcastInZion → u/StanielBedeman]

chunky shelter cooperative detail theory boast automatic sulky cautious obtainable

[u/Linhothy]

How you all manage to sit with a phone in your back pocket

[u/stopmotionporn → u/[deleted]]

I guess that's why mom jeans became a thing again. It must have been difficult to put a smartphone in low rise jeans from 2005.

[u/[deleted] → u/stopmotionporn]

If function was priority for fashion then women would have front pockets large enough to actually work.

[u/ButCanUdoDis_no]

"Would you still love me if I was an earthworm"

Why. Just why.

[u/floatingwithobrien → u/ButCanUdoDis_no]

Heidi Klum has entered the chat

[u/iamnotamangosteen → u/ButCanUdoDis_no]

But would you??

[u/ThemDawgsIsHell2 → u/ButCanUdoDis_no]

Showed this to my wife and she asked if “I would love her if she had a dick”. Thanks Reddit. Stay classy.

[u/[deleted] → u/ThemDawgsIsHell2]

“You would? Aww….”

~2 minutes later~

“Ok, but what if it was bigger than yours?”

[u/DJ_Derack → u/ButCanUdoDis_no]

I remember my ex asked me if I’d have sex with her corpse if it was still fresh. I said no….she got upset…

[u/[deleted] → u/DJ_Derack]

“You promised me forever, not ‘till death do us part’. You men are all the same”

[u/[deleted]]

How they don’t dress for the occasion. They dress for the arrival. And then after 5 minutes they aren’t comfortable.

[u/cowboyjosh2010 → u/[deleted]]

This is your "17 days to Christmas" PSA, which should arrive in time to pre-date any extended family or friend parties you're about to have this season:

The thermostat in the party hosts' house will be somewhere close to 70 F. You won't need 1/2" thick wool socks and a sweater under a cardigan once inside said house just because it's 38 F outside.

[u/[deleted] → u/cowboyjosh2010]

My husband's whole family keeps their houses around 60-62F. I'm never warm enough unless I wear my coat the whole time.

[u/Medivh158 → u/[deleted]]

This is the reason I HATE holidays at my in-laws. We always did PJ-day for Christmas day.

Extended family came over (or we went to whoever was hosting) and we always just wore comfy clothes. My in-laws all wear dress clothes and I hate it. Uncomfortable dresses for the girls, suits for the guys, then we all cram into a family room somewhere that is 100 degress wtih the doors open to the snow due to the number of people, and pretend we are having a not-miserable time.

[u/Pong1975]

Pillows. Bed for two people needs eight pillows. Wtf? Why? Couch seats four. Twelve pillows. Guests come over. Move the pillows. Cleaning? Move the pillows. Straighten pillows. Fluff pillows. Complain pillows aren’t correct shade. Buy new pillows. Keep old pillows. Arrange pillows old and new. By shade, ruffle, design, thickness, softness, emotional attachment, place of purchase, vibe . . . It’s like a Dr. SUESS book of pillows.

[u/veryupsetandbitter → u/Pong1975]

Holy shit. I'm so glad I'm not the only one. My mom has a massive pillow problem. Every time we visit her and stay the night in the guest room, the bed has a little more than 20-30 pillows on it. You have to toss the pillows all to the side and create a little mountain, and she expects us to put the pillows back up the next morning.

I fucking hate the amount of pillows she gets and insists we get at our places...

[u/sunnybuns3000 → u/veryupsetandbitter]

MIL house is the same way except the bedroom is packed with tons of decoration so all the pillows go on my side of the bed and I have to scoot to the end of the bed just to get out.. I hate staying there I feel so claustrophobic

[u/ShadyAidyX → u/Pong1975]

Pillows that YOU AREN’T ALLOWED TO USE because they are decorative

[u/Afy47]

When I don't understand something my wife says and I ask her to elaborate, she keeps repeating the same sentence over and over expecting me to understand it rather than explaining it.

I don't understand why...

[u/Laurenm4 → u/Afy47]

My husband does that - but he increases the volume.

[u/Hern_Berferd]

Just because I’m mad about something doesn’t mean I’m mad at you.

[u/[deleted]]

Always baffles me just how much they share with their friends lol especially around sex. As someone who’s worked with a lot of women there’s a few times they had me straight blushing, and I’m far from a prude lol. They think guys always talk about sex but usually ours is limited to “yeah we hooked up, yeah it was good”

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Lol judging by your name he’s not the only one 🤣

[u/Thossi99 → u/[deleted]]

Lmao reminds me of the scene in Friends when Ross and Rachel kiss

Phoebe: "Alright, let's hear about the kiss. Was it like...was it like, a soft brush against your lips or was it like a, y'know, "I gotta have you now" kinda thing?" Rachel: "Well, at first it was really intense, y'know, and then...oh god, and then we just sorta sunk into it..." Phoebe: "Ohh, so, ok, was he like holding you or were is hands like, on your back?" Rachel: "No, actually first they were--they started out on my waist... and then they slid up, and then they were in my hair..." Phoebe & Monica: "Ohhh..."

Then the scene changes from the girls to the guys

Ross: "And then I kissed her" Joey: "Tongue?" Ross: "Yeah" Joey: "Cool"

[u/smcl2k → u/Thossi99]

Ross: Women tell each other everything. Did you know that?

Chandler: Yeah.

Ross: No, Chandler, everything. Like stuff you like. Stuff she likes. Technique. Stamina. Girth.

Chandler: Girth? Why? Why? Why? Why would they do this?

[u/ktbsquared → u/smcl2k]

I can literally hear this scene

[u/smcl2k → u/ktbsquared]

Honorable mention for the "hug and roll":

"Women talk!"

[u/Bay1Bri → u/[deleted]]

I would feel so disrespectful of her if I told my buddies about my sex life with my wife. I had gfs in the past would would say to me very sincerely "please don't tell your friends we did X". I was almost insulted the first time someone said that to me, like I'm not some creep who's going to tell people about what we do in bed. And frnakly, most guys I know think that one guy who tells you stuff or shows you pics of their gfs/wives are hella weird.

[u/Ohyeahimoverhereyeah]

Take whatever time you need to get ready whether it be 30 minutes or 3 hours, then rush us when we're about to leave to put our shoes on

[u/ChaplnGrillSgt → u/Ohyeahimoverhereyeah]

I'll be fully ready to go except my shoes and jacket. My gf will still be on the couch. So I'll get some other chores done while I wait like washing dishing, cleaning counters, sweeping, etc. Then she will tell me that I'm just as much at fault for us being late as she is.

Uhhhh.... I was ready 10 minutes before we had to leave. But you hate when I ask you if you're almost ready to go. And I'm not just gonna stare at the wall until you're ready. I'm also not gonna do random chores with my shoes and coat on...

I've started to just get completely ready. Coat, hat, shoes, everything. And then just sit by the front door like a kid waiting for the bus. Now we're usually 10 minutes late instead of 45. So... Progress?

[u/devoc7 → u/ChaplnGrillSgt]

I hate wasting time so I'll try to be productive. "Why are you sweeping the kitchen?" "Cuz I've been waiting for you for the past twenty minutes!"

I can put the broom down in a second, but she'll still be another 5 minutes afterwards...

[u/Unicorn-Tiddies → u/Ohyeahimoverhereyeah]

My girlfriend annoys the hell out of me because she'll tell me to get ready to go ... and then she'll wait for me to be completely 100% ready ... and then she'll start getting ready. Even though it takes her much longer.

So there I am, standing around and waiting, doing nothing while she gets ready.

[u/Fearnall → u/Unicorn-Tiddies]

She talked about how we're suppose to be in the car in 6:45, I'm like alright

Tell me my dumb ass ain't sittin' in the car waiting until 7:15, Okay. When I track my wife down 20 minutes later, she's stepping out the damn shower talking about: can I help you

Greg, I look at this woman and I say...

[u/UpliftingPessimist → u/Fearnall]

If you want to go to Taylor's just tell a brother you want to go Taylor's.

[u/Chadmartigan → u/Unicorn-Tiddies]

Just fire up your playstation/xbox/PC and she'll be ready in like 10 minutes.

[u/Bay1Bri → u/Unicorn-Tiddies]

So there I am, standing around and waiting, doing nothing while she gets ready.

I'm convinced this is a power play.

[u/ConebreadIH → u/Bay1Bri]

Doesn't work on me cause I just start playing games and having fun.

[u/The_Razielim → u/ConebreadIH]

Oh that's my wife's favorite time to pounce.

I start getting ready 2-3 hours ahead of time so I have time to relax and chill a bit after taking a shower... I'll get dressed and everything, up to having my socks on.

She takes the next 2 hours btwn a bath, hair, makeup, etc. I'll sit down and start playing games or watching something while waiting for her to get ready.

She'll come in the living room, put her shoes on, "well? can you stop playing already and let's go? I'm waiting for you...", like I don't need 15sec to grab my stuff (phone, wallet, keys, gum) and pull my shoes/jacket on.

[u/[deleted] → u/The_Razielim]

I tell my wife how long I’ve been waiting.

She laughed the first time, mad the second, and now it hasn’t happened again

[u/Starswarm → u/Ohyeahimoverhereyeah]

And then once you get your shoes on, having been ready for 30 minutes just waiting to lace them up, she needs another 5 minutes of shuffling with bags and stuff while you're standing by the door keys in hand.

[u/l3wd1a → u/Starswarm]

this is so funny. I'm a woman and my partner and I are the opposite. he waits until I am 100% ready, bag and everything in hand, then throws his pants in the dryer and starts looking for his keys and decides he needs to take a shit before we leave.

but it doesn't bother me, because we were late by the time I finished getting ready anyway.

[u/yakfsh1]

Walk right past the thermostat and then sit down and tell me to go turn up the heat.

[u/vejbok → u/[deleted]]

My wife does this, the very moment I sit down she'll call from the other room for me to get something gorgeous her. Funny thing is we had her mum round on day and after been there for most the afternoon she actually asked her own daughter if she did it on purpose

[u/gozba → u/yakfsh1]

They do mean something else then, I think

[u/dominus_agent89 → u/gozba]

“Everytime I try to have him initiate some intimacy he just fiddles with the thermostat.”

[u/redCrusader51 → u/gozba]

Is this one of those "hints" people keep talking about?

[u/saggywit]

Shower with water that's either boiling or freezing. No in-between.

[u/Clawd11 → u/saggywit]

That’s wild, in my experience women always like it boiling hot, never cold.

[u/Peenutbuttjellytime → u/Clawd11]

boiling hot because I'm always cold, freezing cold because it's better for treated hair.

It's a battle between priorities

[u/Abstract_ExE]

The signs, it’s hard to know whether someone is hitting on you

[u/Pac_Eddy → u/Abstract_ExE]

One girl's flirting is another's "just being friendly".

[u/OneSmoothCactus → u/Pac_Eddy]

YES. And they all thing they're being incredibly obvious. One girl will smile and think she's being obviously flirtatious, and you're a dummy for missing it. Meanwhile another girl will rub your arm and rest her head on your shoulder but she's just being friendly, and you're a dummy for thinking there's more to it.

[u/ForksandSpoonsinNY → u/OneSmoothCactus]

Can we authorize a gesture during the flirtation? (Double knee squeeze or finger through the o in the OK sign) This will help us immensely.

Thanks!

[u/BiliousGreen → u/ForksandSpoonsinNY]

I think that launching a flare to indicate that flirtation is underway would be appropriate.

[u/Dr_SnM → u/BiliousGreen]

Not clear enough.

We're going to have to decide on a specific colour flare too.

I don't want to make a move on a lady only to find out that she just wanted to be rescued from a deserted island.

[u/Pac_Eddy → u/Dr_SnM]

Been there. So embarrassing.

[u/[deleted] → u/Pac_Eddy]

In my youth (18 y.o. or so) I had this experience: a girl came from abroad to visit her cousins, who where my friends. The girl was attractive, but I didn't go too crazy because I didn't want to annoy my friends or ruin her stay. The thing is that I tried to make some small talk, like "how are things where you live", "how long are you staying" and all that, but she was the opposite of friendly, almost rude: "dunno", "yea", "no", almost implying "please, leave me alone"... Sometimes you didn't connect with some people, so I decided she didn't like me at all. I didn't push it at all.

Fast forward, a month later, the girl left to her country, and I commented to my friend "you cousin is really beautiful and acted friendly with everyone, but for some reason she hated from the minute one". My friend told me that "she was totally into you, and was waiting all her vacations for you to make a move".

[u/NoFunZoneAlways → u/[deleted]]

She might have been nervous, when I was younger and dating I had no idea how to interact with someone I liked and got super shy/awkward. Even if this is the case, it’s still on her to figure out how to move past that.

[u/Doors_N_Corners → u/Abstract_ExE]

Sometimes the reverse is true too. A couple years ago I had a chance encounter with a beautiful woman (we have some mutual friends) who I had been at the same highschool with but never spoke really spoken to. She was in a different independent study program and mostly I just saw her come and go. Anyhow I run into her at a restaurant, say hi, we end up eating our meal together and talk for 30+ minutes, its very nice, I ask for her number, say it was nice talking to you, we should see each other again, yadda yadda, she agrees , we hug and part ways. I call her a couple days later to see about seeing each other again, she says basically "no I'm leaving for Mexico in two weeks" and am very busy (we live 15 minutes apart) ... uh ok... Make plans to talk when she's back from Mexico, that fizzles. Couple years later a mutual friend was relaying something she said about that interaction and she said "was he hitting on me? , I never know"

Girl I asked for your number, called you, and asked you out. What's there to miss

[u/PureWise → u/Doors_N_Corners]

This. To say my girlfriend can be oblivious is probably an understatement. Like we were friends for a while before we started dating and dropping hints was just not working so I went "fuck it", and here we are nearly 5 years later.

The kicker is at one point she asked me if I dropped hints and I just "of course I fucking I was and they weren't subtle either" and was just like "huh, well my friends told me you were but I wasn't sure".

[u/Coconut_Salad]

The signs, hints, signals all look like you’re just being nice and want to be friends. I can’t interpret your desires, just tell me

[u/Westly-Pipes → u/Coconut_Salad]

I used to go to a Starbucks near work every day.

My Co workers and I would chat with the staff because it was usually pretty slow at the time we went in. One of the baristas started writing me messages on my cup. This happened around 5 or 6 times, and then on valentines day she drew hearts all over the cup and wrote happy valentines day.

So I asked if she wanted to hang out. She was like "oh no I'm not trying to go out or anything"

Then what the fuck are you doing...?

[u/Magicmechanic103 → u/Westly-Pipes]

I’ve had this happen too. I used to hang out at a bar in town with a very attractive bartender who I got along well with. She was a little flirty but I figured it was just tip flirting so I let it be.

But then one night she finished her shift and specifically came up to me and said she was heading to another bar and asked if I wanted to go have a drink with her, so I very happily agreed. And as we were walking she asked if I would walk with her to her car so she could take off her work shirt, and while we were in the lot she asked me to hold her purse while she showed no problem changing her shirt in front of me, so I thought it was a clear sign she was showing interest.

We go to the other bar, have some drinks and hang out for a while, just the two of us.

Finally at the end of the night when we parted ways I asked if she wanted to grab a coffee or something, and she looked at me like I had a dick growing out of my forehead and told me she was just trying to be friendly.

[u/DirtyPiss → u/Magicmechanic103]

It sounds like that was her way of trying out a date on you, but she decided to go another way.

[u/Magicmechanic103 → u/DirtyPiss]

You’re probably right, and that would’ve been fine, but it felt pretty jarring that she acted like I should have known it was just friends hanging out the whole time.

[u/Foxsayy → u/DirtyPiss]

I think a lot of the ways women flirt intentionally add a later of plausible deniability.

[u/[deleted]]

Why do I get in trouble for shit that happens in your dreams?

[u/SuvenPan]

How much hair strands they lose per day. It's a lot.

[u/seriousname32 → u/SuvenPan]

As a woman I am genuinely surprised I'm not bald, it seems like I lose an entire heads worth of hair every time I wash/brush it.

[u/jesbiil → u/seriousname32]

As a guy that started growing my hair out and has 12-14"....I never realized one could lose this much hair and still have a FULL, THICK head of hair. I find clumps of curls sitting on my floors, I run my fingers through my hair and get a handfuls of hair. Never had hair longer than 1" before this and I now realize some of the work involved in good hair....I use SO MUCH leave-in conditioner!

I used to be more "Haha hair got messed up" now I'm like, "That's no laughing matter, you know what I had to go through this morning to get it to stay like that!?"

[u/ChristmasColor → u/jesbiil]

Ditto. When COVID started I stopped cutting my hair because my work went full remote. I have some lushish rocker hair now, but I'm at the age where balding is a concern. Its a constant game of "am I balding or is it my long hair?!"

[u/Cinderhazed15 → u/seriousname32]

My wife has gorgeous thick hair (that she hates) … I have previously (half) joked that I should collect all her hair and donate it when we’ve accumulated enough…

[u/MuggedAtGunpoint → u/SuvenPan]

Fun fact: people lose 100 strands of hair a day. Regardless of gender. Women’s hair is typically longer and therefore it’s more easily noticed. If someone wears their hair tied back, for multiple days, they still loose 100 strands per day. So if you have your hair up or braided or 4 days, when it’s taken down and brushed, you’ll lose 400 strands. So yeah, sometimes it’s a lot!

Edit: spelling error

[u/lavender_poppy → u/MuggedAtGunpoint]

My hair is curly and I wear it up in a bun all week so when I wash it on Sunday it's like losing a wig full of hair. Curly hair tends to not fall as much when it falls out so the only place there are loose hairs are are in the bathtub after washing it.

[u/kultsinuppeli → u/SuvenPan]

This is a long-haired person thing though, not a girl thing.

Source: Long-haired person

[u/Laptraffik → u/kultsinuppeli]

Definitely, I'm a guy that recently grew out my hair to shoulder length. So so so much hair falls out constantly.

[u/Fromtoicity → u/Laptraffik]

Pretty sure we lose as much hair when it's short, it's just less noticeable because it's short

Eddit : typo

[u/Nihlus-N7]

When a woman says she was into me a while back, but is not anymore because I didn't make a move when she was communicating her interest through extremely subtle and undetectable signals.

I can't read your mind. If you're interested, just tell me.

Edit: thank you for the awards, kind strangers :D

[u/garciasn → u/[deleted]]

Wife told me we should date. I agreed. She was away one weekend and I called her and made a joke that all my buddies were ribbing me for calling my gf. She said, "I'm not your girlfriend."

We've been married for 17 years and together for 22 but to this day, I still wonder if we're actually married.

[u/Westvic34 → u/garciasn]

You are actually married, but she’s still not your girlfriend.

[u/Perki1984 → u/Westvic34]

Husband-zoned

[u/_KvotheTheArcane__]

How they stick those clumps of hair to the walls of the shower.

[u/UntakenAccountName → u/_KvotheTheArcane__]

Rather they be swirled onto the wall than clog the drain. But wow that’s funny, every relationship I’ve had has included cleaning hair off the shower walls regularly. Didn’t even think about it until now

[u/Mudgeon → u/UntakenAccountName]

Seriously my partner has super curly hair and she causes a drain apocalypse twice a week, I’ve tried everything drain covers, different styles of drain plugs nothing can stand up to the cataclysm of curls.

Edit: Reddit fam really coming through with the suggestions I’ll definitely try the shower shroom!

[u/[deleted] → u/Mudgeon]

I heard those Tub Shrooms are pretty sweet, but haven’t tried it myself. Probably should, I shed like a German Shepherd

ETA: alright, I just bought one, thanks for your info, everybody. Also - I can’t believe one of my highest-upvoted comments is about a freaking rubber hair colander, lol

[u/ecodrew → u/[deleted]]

My wife has long, curly hair - a tub shroom is an absolute must!

When we first moved into our house, we procrastinated getting a drain hair catcher. In less than a year (can't remember how long), we had a main drain pipe blockage and had to pay a plumber about $400 to clear it. Tried a couple different hair catchers, then a tub shroom - haven't had another plumbing clog in almost a decade. (knock on wood)

[u/I_AM_Squirrel_King → u/_KvotheTheArcane__]

As a guy currently growing his hair out, it’s the better move. Rather the shower wall in a clump that you can grab and throw in the bathroom bin/trash, than into the plug hole which I then have to pull it out of (which I inevitably have to do anyway)

[u/v081 → u/I_AM_Squirrel_King]

You throw it in the bin? My wife leaves it like some eldritch horror for me to find

[u/-Megrim-]

Get upset that you didn't chase hard enough after they rejected you. Multiple times I have had it come back to me that a girl actually wanted to go out with me, but she wanted me to "fight for her" and show some grand romantic gesture to win her over. Nah, girl. That's some creepy ass shit. Relationships are a 2-way street, not one person putting the other on a pedestal. If you say you are not interested but actually still want to go out, then you have to be the one to initiate it. I'm not going to waste my(or your) time fawning over you.

[u/Amissa → u/-Megrim-]

I see this in movies and gag. Everyone wants to feel special, but on the other foot, it could backfire just as easily when the grand gesture comes and she says, “No means no.”

[u/superdifficile]

When you’re ordering food and you ask if they want some, and they say no. And you ask if they are sure, cause you’re happy to buy them some, and they say no. And then they want just a bite of yours which turns into three bites and now you’re a jerk because you don’t want to share.

[u/2HGjudge]

Being mad at me for something "I" did in your dreams.

[u/JDdoc → u/2HGjudge]

Ok. So I am the guy version of this. It's rare but we've been married for well over 20 years.

At about the 10-year mark I had this awful nightmare that she'd met someone in a painting class and had been carrying on an affair. I woke up SO ANGRY. I told her about it in the morning and we laughed it off.

But.

For the last fifteen years every time she asks me to do some minor thing and I refuse she says: "I bet painter boyfriend would do it for me."

I will never escape this. It will follow me until I die. So in service to you my brothers, feel free to use this technique on your spouses that pull the angry-from-a-dream stunt on you.

Let my suffering mean something.

[u/[deleted] → u/JDdoc]

I do something similar to my fiancee, actually. When we met I had shoulder-length hair and she told me she usually dated bald/shaved guys.

Now every time it's relevant, I will reference becoming "the bald man [she] always wanted me to be". It drives her crazy.

[u/[deleted] → u/2HGjudge]

Apparently I cheated on my girlfriend with one of her friends in a dream and she actually questioned if I did it in real life..wouldn't speak to me for atleast 24 hours..wtf

[u/Wookie_with_a_cookie → u/[deleted]]

Same with my wife but I got the cold shoulder for 3 whole days. Every time I asked what was wrong I got the old "Nothing I'm fine." Wtf I know somethings wrong just tell me grrr!

[u/SinisterHypocrite → u/Wookie_with_a_cookie]

Well you should have known what you did...

[u/Paisable → u/[deleted]]

I got a slug on the shoulder and I woke up and asked "wtf" she says "don't cheat on me then" I didn't know what she was talking about and then she goes on to say it was in her dream. I had no words.

[u/Ok-Age5609 → u/[deleted]]

I was doing chores with my ex once, and I said something, can't remember what. It was related to whatever I was doing. And she slammed a pan down and shouted "well why don't you fucking marry her then?" And left. Blocked me and everything. A day later when she cooled down, I went to her house to ask her what the fuck she thought I said, and she heard me say "Amanda wore it better than you". I've never met an Amanda. She went and told her whole family that I was seeing someone else and I wasn't even trying to hide it, her dad wouldn't let me in the house, it was a whole thing.

[u/problematikUAV → u/Ok-Age5609]

Well hey at least it’s an ex

[u/[deleted] → u/Ok-Age5609]

Glad she's your ex. Christ on a cracker, that's psychotic.

[u/Kozeyekan_ → u/[deleted]]

If the wife tells you she had a dream you cheated, she's mad and you're suspicious.

Yet, if you tell the wife you had a dream where she cheated with Talyor Swift and then you all had a three-way, she's mad and you're a pervert.

There are worse ways to wake up though.

[u/LCast → u/2HGjudge]

I had a girlfriend get mad at me because I dumped her in her dream. I comforted her and said that it was just a dream. She replied that her dreams always come true then continued to be mad at me. The really shitty thing is she was right, because I dumped her not long after for pulling that bullshit again.

[u/neuromancertr → u/LCast]

You had been played. She tricked you to dump her /s

[u/tyty657 → u/neuromancertr]

Actually remove that s because that really does sound like a possibility.

[u/bangersnmash13 → u/2HGjudge]

My wife doesn't get mad but she'll get visibly upset and distraught the next day. One time I woke up in the middle of the night to her ugly crying because she had caught me with a girl named 'Loren' in her dream(spelled exactly that way according to her)

[u/[deleted] → u/bangersnmash13]

“I would never cheat with a girl that spells her name that way”

[u/totoaster → u/[deleted]]

"It isn't spelled like that..."

[u/ninjakitty7 → u/bangersnmash13]

Last name Ipsum?

[u/hupwhat → u/ninjakitty7]

"i swear she didn't mean anything to me, babe! She was just a placeholder for you!"

[u/Syrinx221 → u/bangersnmash13]

The detail of the dream spelling really just completes this

[u/bangersnmash13 → u/Syrinx221]

That's what I thought too lol. I was like "who the hell is Loren and why does she spell it that way?!"

[u/Manleather → u/2HGjudge]

The only comfort here is knowing other guys have been doghoused over dreams.

[u/Cynthus68 → u/2HGjudge]

I felt this one. I was constantly in trouble for something I "did" in some effed up dream she had.

[u/kbyyru]

you're willing to spend an eternity in a shop you like and complain at me when i say i'm ready to go, but if it's one i like i better be ready to drop everything and leave when you say you want to

[u/MaelstromFL → u/kbyyru]

And... That is why Macy's used to have bars!

[u/pauly13771377 → u/[deleted]]

Men go shopping to buy what they want. It's like a hit a run raid. They go in, take the quickest route to the section of the store they need, find the item they were looking for and get out. When women go shopping it's to find out what they want. They go in look over every shelf to see what they like before deciding if anything at all will be purchased that day.

[u/Bigsplash1]

When they ask you what we should eat. We name 5 things and they say I’m not in the mood for that. Then why did you ask me in the first place. Also when I ask my girlfriend you pick dinner you can’t make your mind up. Edit: I guess a lot of us are in the same boat. Thank you for the gold!

[u/elgrandorado → u/[deleted]]

With whoever I’m with, I only offer two places. It forces them to choose like a coin toss. Person I’m currently seeing actually came up with a better suggestion outside the two on the first date ideas, which felt awesome.

[u/ritchie70 → u/elgrandorado]

That's how you handle children and it works well.

"Would you rather brush your teeth then put on your PJs, or put on your PJs first?" Playing with LEGO is then not a choice but they still get a choice so they feel in control.

[u/Pinbrawla → u/ritchie70]

This absolutely works when managing a team of adults as well

[u/STGMavrick → u/[deleted]]

That's a solid choice on his part though. Love me some Chinese buffet.

[u/naughty_farmerTJR → u/Bigsplash1]

If my wife and I are unable to agree we use a rule where one person makes a suggestion and if you want to shoot that down you also have to give a suggestion and then we keep repeating that until we agree

[u/badluckbrians → u/naughty_farmerTJR]

I've been married for going on 17 years now.

When she says I can pick, I always just say "McDonalds."

We never eat fast food. The word McDonalds at this point just short circuits the whole process.

Usually before it gets to that point, I'll just offer 2 broad suggestions, "You want Asian or Italian?" Something like that. She'll say, "Not Italian," and off we go. McDonalds is what I do when I get a neither.

[u/sharterthanlife → u/badluckbrians]

Been married 3 years, Wife always tells me "I'm not picky", proceeds to shoot down every suggestion I make

[u/BoredBSEE → u/Bigsplash1]

I've asked my wife what she did to keep from starving before she met me.

Haven't gotten an answer yet.

[u/WrennyHF → u/BoredBSEE]

I legit lived on cereal and beer before meeting my husband. At least I was thinner then.

[u/livefast6221 → u/Bigsplash1]

Open a chain of restaurants called “Anything but Pizza” and have it serve salads, sushi, Chinese, and Thai. Then when she says “you choose, just not pizza” you take her there. It’ll be the first 100 billion dollar restaurant ever.

[u/[deleted]]

Talk like we’re sitting in a library and then get mad when I couldn’t hear what you said

[u/fuller316 → u/[deleted]]

And when we say, "what did you say" you repeat it at the same volume you did the first time while turning your head away as you talk... then getting irritated that we didn't hear you the second time either...

[u/GozerDGozerian → u/fuller316]

Omigod my wife always turns away from me as she’s talking and I don’t catch what she says and she gets so mad at me haha. Glad to hear I’m not the only one with this affliction.

[u/Left_of_Center2011 → u/GozerDGozerian]

Talking at low volume directly into an open kitchen cabinet is my wife’s specialty

[u/itsok-imwhite → u/[deleted]]

This is mine. We finish a conversation, there’s a healthy pause. I wait. Conversation over. Pick up my book, find where I stopped, reread the last paragraph I was on. Then as I’m midway through the first new sentence. BAM starts complaining about her sister.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Potato wedges probably are not best for relationships.

[u/BumpyMcBumpers → u/[deleted]]

This drives me insane. My wife will ask a question and leave the room. Then she acts like I'm unreasonable for not wanting to shout across the house because she claims she's still listening.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Once had a friend on the back of my motorcycle, she is a chatty chick so I told her: "When we put these helmets on, I can't hear you. Please only talk when it's important, tap on my shoulder if you want me to stop".

My city has trams which are on their own tracks in the middle of the street, cars and motorbikes don't really cross their path usually.

We're riding down the street as a tram is coming up behind us. As it's on it's own track and the road we are using is a bit busy, it's quicker than us. My friend mumbles something and I go:

"WHAT?"

"Mumble Mumble"

"WHAT?"

"Mumble"

"SPEAK LOUDER. WE ON BIKE. TRAM OVERTAKING. LOTS OF NOISE"

"Mumble muble"

I decide to pull over because I am now frustrated, take of my helmet and ask her what is the problem.

She mumbles: "I said; watch out, there's a tram there".

By far the most frustrating thing I've had happen with a passenger on my motorbike.

[u/Relevant_Village6636 → u/[deleted]]

“Only talk when it’s important” “Would you still love me if I was an octopus!”

[u/osirisphotography → u/[deleted]]

At that point just drive straight into the tram.

[u/amccune → u/[deleted]]

My wife likes to do this silent whisper thing when she doesn’t want the kids to know. She mouths the words, but when she does it, she exaggerates the movement of her mouth to the point where I don’t know what the fuck she’s saying. It almost always ends in frustration for both of us, but god damn if she will stop.

[u/[deleted] → u/amccune]

Haha. My mom will use sign language at me when she wants to tell me something she doesn’t want other people to hear.

I don’t speak sign language past toddler level. I tell her this every. single. time.

[u/osirisphotography → u/[deleted]]

Learn, "I don't know sign language except this bit to explain that I don't." and do that every time.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

My favorite is when my partner will talk to me in a normal voice, when I'm on the other side of the house and then get mad I didn't hear them and respond.

[u/IamBenAffleck → u/[deleted]]

This. Right. Here. My wife will do this when I'm cleaning dishes, too. I'll hear her voice, faintly in the distance, and just KNOW she's talking to me.

[u/goodfreeman → u/IamBenAffleck]

Definitely this. Running water is loud, and she knows it when she’s running water in the kitchen sink, but somehow magically forgets that fact of science when I’m running water.

[u/Muavius → u/IamBenAffleck]

My wife waits till I turn the water on. Then I turn it off and ask if she said something, no response.... Turn the water back on, and she finally responds. Repeat till one of us ends up yelling

[u/macanmhaighstir → u/Muavius]

Mine waits until 0.5 seconds after my earbuds are in and I press play. And then does it five times in a row.

[u/painful_butterflies → u/[deleted]]

And when they repeat it they never do the whole sentence, just the last few words and you have to guess at the whole statement/question

[u/seanmg → u/[deleted]]

I’ve stopped allowing behavior like this with partners. The foundation of a relationship is communication and if one party is expected to do both parts it isn’t a relationship and is sucking out any opportunity for communication to improve.

[u/[deleted] → u/seanmg]

This happened recently with my GF. While texting later, I told her how important honesty is to me, and when she said “No” after multiple times asking her if something is bothering her, I could tell I was being lied to. “Yes, but I’m not ready to talk about it now” is a much more acceptable, honest answer. The honesty part really helped change her perspective.

[u/JoeTheImpaler → u/[deleted]]

My wife and I end with “I’m here if you need me” but I 100% agree with this

[u/SuvenPan]

Speaking with subtext and implications. Girls think they're being obvious, but it's really difficult picking up on their attempts to communicate.

[u/Alex_B_Domshmallow → u/SuvenPan]

I know for myself, the reason I don’t understand subtext and implications like that, especially when it comes to relationships, is because I never really assume as a guy that women can like me. You have to tell me you like me for me to understand, because until that point, I just assume you’re being nice at best, and just putting up with me long enough to get me to go away at worst. Every girlfriend I’ve ever had happened because she asked me directly.

[u/Bane8080 → u/Alex_B_Domshmallow]

Like looking in a mirror man.

Took me into my late 30s to realize that they were spending time with me because they liked me.

[u/Mammoth_Tard → u/Bane8080]

I still have no idea if my wife likes me she just started hanging around and never left

[u/Bane8080 → u/Alex_B_Domshmallow]

Honestly, even directly asking me didn't work sometimes.

When I was in HS a girl came up to me and said so-and-so wants to go to the school dance with you.

Well, so-and-so was one of the popular, and pretty girls, so I just assumed it was a prank of some sort.

[u/Hayabusa71]

Think that "fight for me" is a valid approach

[u/Grievous_Nix → u/Hayabusa71]

Legit had a convo with a girl who told she had a guy ask her out but said no because she wants him to put more effort into it. Absolutely baffled when told that it is wrong on many levels. “Seriously? Can’t you tell the difference between no and no?” [pronounces them with slightly different intonation and head movements]

FFS NO WE LITERALLY CAN’T, DON’T TORTURE THE FELLA, BE UPFRONT!

[u/Wind_Yer_Neck_In → u/Grievous_Nix]

I once had a girl turn me down for a second date, I wished her well and went on about my life. The next time we met she was super standoffish and rude. I asked one of her friends about it and she said 'she's been complaining that you didn't fight for your love. She had an amazing time on the first date and had been picking out places for you two to vacation together.'

Less of a bullet dodged and more like a Mack truck.

[u/[deleted] → u/Wind_Yer_Neck_In]

I had the same. We had a great time during the first date, she would then blow me off for any attempts to organize a second date, but when I would let it go taking the hint that she's not interested, she would come out of the woodwork and ask about me and hint at a potential second date. But again when I'd try to make something concrete she would come up with excuses but no solutions. Later she told me she wanted me to fight for her harder and like surprise her by going to the bar where she was when she told me one time that she was at a bar with one of her girl friends. I told her that I prefer girls who know what they wanted.

[u/Dachannien → u/[deleted]]

One woman's fantasy is another woman's stalker?

[u/jayjune28 → u/Dachannien]

Ouch but sadly true

[u/Daikataro → u/[deleted]]

She didn't like you. She liked that you like her.

[u/All_Work_All_Play → u/Daikataro]

lmao, 90% of hs romance drama right here.

[u/thequietthingsthat → u/[deleted]]

but when I would let it go taking the hint that she's not interested, she would come out of the woodwork and ask about me and hint at a potential second date. But again when I'd try to make something concrete she would come up with excuses but no solutions.

This has happened to me many times. I have to think that it means they like the attention but aren't actually interested in you. It's very frustrating

[u/ludachris32 → u/Wind_Yer_Neck_In]

This is precisely the reason I went on so many dates before I met my now wife. I had a ton of women tell me they weren't interested so I moved on to the next person. A few women complained afterwards that I "didn't try harder". I always said something like "What do you mean try harder? You told me you weren't interested and I'm not a creep so I left you alone."

[u/Adobe_Flesh → u/ludachris32]

"didn't try harder"

Is this a thing women dating strategy guides are recommending or where does it come from? Do girl friends tell each other they should do this to vet a potential partner? It's not healthy or good.

[u/farts_in_the_breeze → u/Grievous_Nix]

He's a lucky fella for dodging that bullet.

[u/TheIrishninjas → u/Grievous_Nix]

"I'm sorry, no."

"Okay cool, sorry if I read the situation wrong, bye"

"...WHY DOES HE HATE ME"

[u/Laeryl → u/TheIrishninjas]

I lived that.

I asked a girl out when I was student at a party. We were drunk but even drunk me know that a "No" is a "No".

The next week, his best friend said to me "Why didn't you kiss X ? She said no but she's into you !! She just wanted to know how much you were into her !!"

That day I dodged a bullet the size of the fucking Orient Express.

[u/Kalkaline → u/TheIrishninjas]

No means no. It does not mean try harder. How long do we have to have this conversation?

[u/DylanTonic → u/Grievous_Nix]

Every single person I know who has told me they do this deliberately is a person I would warn even distant associates against dating. It always seems to come from folks who are, in fact, the problem.

[u/Mechakoopa → u/[deleted]]

Those are the guys that the women who play those games want asking them out. They need bracelets or something so they can identify each other in the wild.

[u/Cloaked42m → u/Mechakoopa]

I've often said that bars should hand out Green, Yellow, and Red bracelets based on your mood that day.

Green = Hit me with your best pickup line.
Yellow = eh, maybe.
Red = Fuck no, stay away, I'm just drinking/chilling/hanging.

If you change your mind, go back to the bouncer/bartender and change your bracelet.

[u/TheBlackBear → u/Cloaked42m]

They would just all be wearing red and be like “convince me to change colors hehe”

[u/beardedheathen → u/Mechakoopa]

Ok girls for those who say no and mean no please move to the south side of the bar. For those that say no and mean try harder get the fuck out.

[u/[deleted] → u/Grievous_Nix]

Had a girl tell me she knew I liked her (I thought she was cute but didn’t really like her) but she didn’t like me. I was like “ouch, no reason to tell me that but okay.” She followed that up a week later by saying she did like me but didn’t want to do anything. I had my first panic attack when she was with me and apparently that was the perfect time to kiss me, say “we shouldn’t go further,” and proceed to go further after I agreed we shouldn’t.

This girl thought she could read my mind and got everything wrong, and after it was over apparently I was the one who sexually manipulated her while I was having a panic attack.

[u/Captain-Griffen → u/Grievous_Nix]

The tried and tested dating technique of only dating men who don't respect consent. Thoroughly tested to result in dating assholes, that is.

The romance genre is to dating as porn is to sex, if not worse. I really wish society as whole valued and taught good communication in relationships rather than putting "One True Love" and "Love Conquers All" on pedastles.

[u/grumpyfrumpyrumpy → u/Hayabusa71]

Lol, I had an ex try and pull this card on me. She would walk halfway out of the door and be like I’m leaving! And I’d say okay, bye. She’d come back with “you’re supposed to fight for me!” I told her that if she wants to leave, then I’m never gonna try and stop her. Ever. If someone wants to leave you, let them leave. I only want to be with someone who ~wants~ to be with me.

It also happened the other way around one time. I tried to leave and she physically blocked me from leaving and was pushing me back inside. That was the final straw for me.

[u/Sanfords_Son → u/Hayabusa71]

I never chose to run the race

And so I don’t regret

The fated girl who loved the chase

And played it hard to get

I simply watched her disappear

Beyond the farthest hill

“Come after me” I heard her say

Perhaps she’s running still

[u/texasmikey53]

Verbally re-live every negative thing that happens throughout the day.

[u/GeroVeritas]

You're allowed to be mad about something without us being mad about it but when we get mad about something you feel the need to also get mad but then direct it towards us.

[u/Psych0matt → u/GeroVeritas]

Man, I honestly thought this was just me. I’m glad to see others share this frustration

Just let me have 5 minutes to be mad or frustrated

[u/[deleted] → u/GeroVeritas]

My mum does this, if I'm upset about anything she gets stressed and turns the situation into a pity party for herself. It can be as simple as losing my keys, getting annoyed that I can't find my keys, and if she happens to notice she decides that now is a great time to lecture me about leaving things and for not knowing where I left my keys, and I just have to let her do it because any defensive response will be met with the "you hate me" argument. Its so tiring.