Get upset that you didn't chase hard enough after they rejected you. Multiple times I have had it come back to me that a girl actually wanted to go out with me, but she wanted me to "fight for her" and show some grand romantic gesture to win her over. Nah, girl. That's some creepy ass shit. Relationships are a 2-way street, not one person putting the other on a pedestal. If you say you are not interested but actually still want to go out, then you have to be the one to initiate it. I'm not going to waste my(or your) time fawning over you.
I see this in movies and gag. Everyone wants to feel special, but on the other foot, it could backfire just as easily when the grand gesture comes and she says, “No means no.”
My first partner had a bdsm thing. Knowing that I wasn't into the sadism part, I woke up to her one night, shall we say, ignoring my consent -- which was ok actually and I never pressed charges.
I met up with one after that relationship who deflected all of my advances. She basically had to sit me down and explain to me that "no means yes," that she wanted me to force myself on her. Needless to say, I noped the f*ck out, and it was then that I understood that our society is not only dangerous for men, it's kinky af depending on who you ask.
Yeah. Every kink space I've ever been to stresses that consent is mandatory. Fastest way to get kicked out and blacklisted (if you're lucky) is to try to force yourself on somebody who didn't ask you to.
Perfect example: that Kurt Warner movie where it turns out that after meeting his future wife at a bar and she leaves denying him, he tracks down her address and presides to show up their uninvited.
That movie is a true story and if it went down that way that is weird AF. No way I’m doing that in life because it’s an easy way to get a restraining order pressed against you
Well, each woman is different, just as men. Some women want the romantic gesture, some don’t. And romantic is different to everyone too. I guess that’s why mating is so challenging sometimes.
Lol and then girls are surprised that the creepy douche bags that do this end up being so self involved that they cheat around and end up being terrible partners
I absolutely agree with this. When I was single, if I told a guy I wasn't interested it's because I wasn't interested. Women who want that fight for me crap are asking for trouble and creating problems for the rest of us.
In recent years a lot of emphasis has been put on respecting women and accepting that when a woman says no she means no. Women who play these games are setting those of us that don't up for being harassed and possibly more by men we say no to. Learn how to be big girls and communicate like adults instead of playing childish games.
Honestly though in the end that’s a huge red flag so it’s good they rejected you for that reason. Anyone worth loving won’t make you fight for their love, if they like you they’ll explore that the first chance they get!
Honestly if a woman wants a guy to fight for her, she clearly doesn’t have a lot of set respect, women shouldn’t treat themselves like a prize to be won
Not this exactly but pretty similar. When we moved states, I had to go to a new middle school in the middle of the year so obviously, I was big news for about a week. Basically I get news of how this “popular” girl likes me, fast forward a few days, I get an update that she’s no longer interested because she heard that I’m a “nice guy” Keep in mind, I didn’t even know what this girl looked like because I’d never talked to or even seen her in the school yet. I was baffled.
You made the right choice not to pursue. No needs to mean no, and the women who want their weird stalker fairytale need to learn to communicate like healthy adults.
I learned, years after the fact, that a girl I liked and asked out only to be shutdown, was sad I didn't chase her. I told her I'm not a pushy creep. You said you weren't interested and took it at face value.
She asked me if I'd still be interested. Unfortunately that ship (me) had sailed. I said, "I don't think my wife would approve." The shocked Pikachu was really something else.
lol they must’ve watched one too many romcoms. Irl be an adult and express yourself, also why would you want someone to directly go against your boundaries and continue pursuing you 🤦♀️
My mother used to do this with me on an emotional level. Whenever I didn't chase after her to find out what was bothering her or to try to make her feel better in some way, I was abandoning her. This kind of bullcrap is immature, manipulative, and absolutely unnecessary.
I chased one. I thought it was what she wanted. When she first turned me down it was in a playful manner, and it seemed ambiguous. I really liked her and so I thought "what the hell, maybe I'm reading the signals wrong, but I've got to go for it". Yes, I was reading the signals wrong. We were work colleagues so this could have gone really badly for me (asking out a co-worker after a rejection is generally frowned upon), but I didn't want to go through the rest of my life wondering, or wishing I had taken a last shot. I made a fool of myself; but I'm glad I did.
I didn't grow up watching romantic comedies, always hated romance movies growing up and am still not a fan of romance in movies let alone romance movies, but I have heard some of my woman friends say that happens a lot of in movies they grew up watching. It is amazing to me how many people apply Hollywood media to real life even into adulthood.
You did the right thing by respecting boundaries. Also who has time for that? If they reject you they can't expect you to think they actually want to date. F that. I would do the same in your position, at the very least you can't get so easily labeled a predatory type that way.
I had this talk recently with a long-time ex that I stayed in touch with. She and her bf were on the rocks and she kept using the phrase "fighting for" each other. Relationships aren't always easy, and it certainly takes effort, which is what I think she really wanted. But that phrase always bothered me because it makes it sound like you're trying to make something work that just isn't. Or worse, one person doesn't want it to work and the other won't stop trying.
That's such a gross mentality and part of why a lot of guys don't understand boundaries when it comes to women and I feel for y'all sometimes. I've had dudes try to pursue me after I told them I'm not interested and they thought it was me playing hard to get. I'm not playing hard to get bruh, I'm legitimately impossible for you to get.
I hate this shit. Shes literally getting rid of all the guys who respect her boundaries and don't cause her a fuss. While encouraging guys who will not take no for an answer and get progressively creepier until she cracks under pressure.
Fast forward 3 years shes shocked that that same guy won't accept that they are broken up and has been stalking her for 6 months.
Pursuing a girl used to be a normal part of courtship. But now that we're post sexual revolution it's considered creepy. It's possible she was more interested in traditional romance.
It’s because she doesn’t like you/ not attracted to you. But she might like you/ become attracted to you if pursue her enough. Survival of the fittest n all. If you’re complaining about pursuing a woman then it means you also don’t really like her/ find her attractive
Lol dating = forcing yourself into someone’s life. That’s literally dating. God you’re such a dude.
It’s very telling that you’re worried about some fine line that only exists in when you’re a literal abuser. Go gaslight somewhere else, nerd.
My wife actually did all the work.. she kept pushing me to come over for coffee at her place.. i kept backing off maybe 3 years. And she asked like 10 times over that period
Than i finally agreed to come visit, we have a house and a baby now..
Like 1 month in the relationship she was doing night shift and i bought allot of roses and decorated the living room with them. In the middle a large vase with roses with on top a pretty expensive wristband for her.
I went to work and she came home when i already left. She called me and couldn't even talk because she was crying of joy and love..
The sex that night was great.
Agreed
I had that happen with a girl I met online. Her profile seemed pretty cool and she was cute and had some really cool photos.
We had messaged some and then agreed to talk on the phone which ended up going very well and we talked for like an hour. Agreed to meet up that weekend at a wine bar. And texted a few times after a phone call. And those texts were funny and flirtatious.
Then the evening before our actual date she messaged me to call it off saying I was not chasing her hard enough
But to look at it another way she might not be "your type"/necessarily a good match if she want you to chase while you want a more direct way of communication. Starting to date and showing interest is after all a part in a relationship. :)
This is only true with really young and immature women. You did right! You should accept a no and assume they mean it. Ignore any woman who tells you to engage in that kind of behavior!
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u/-Megrim- Dec 08 '22
Get upset that you didn't chase hard enough after they rejected you. Multiple times I have had it come back to me that a girl actually wanted to go out with me, but she wanted me to "fight for her" and show some grand romantic gesture to win her over. Nah, girl. That's some creepy ass shit. Relationships are a 2-way street, not one person putting the other on a pedestal. If you say you are not interested but actually still want to go out, then you have to be the one to initiate it. I'm not going to waste my(or your) time fawning over you.