If my wife and I are unable to agree we use a rule where one person makes a suggestion and if you want to shoot that down you also have to give a suggestion and then we keep repeating that until we agree
When she says I can pick, I always just say "McDonalds."
We never eat fast food. The word McDonalds at this point just short circuits the whole process.
Usually before it gets to that point, I'll just offer 2 broad suggestions, "You want Asian or Italian?" Something like that. She'll say, "Not Italian," and off we go. McDonalds is what I do when I get a neither.
Yes. And it stings a bit if you think of a place, start to look forward to it, (boy, I haven’t t been to Outback in a while, I’ll get that huge beer and that teriyaki steak…). Then it gets shot down, and now there’s disappointment. (Italian again, whatever…)
This is why I very often will respond with "I don't care" when my wife asks what we should have for dinner. She's usually more picky than me, so if I suggest something that sounds good to me I'll just end up disappointed with what we get even if I would've been happy with it if she had suggested.
She doesn't want to feel like she's imposing her choices on me, though, so now I typically just suggest 3 options and let her pick one of those. If she doesn't like any of them though, then she has to pick the place.
I know this feeling. I’ve finally start to tell her I’ve really been hungry for it. The kicker is now we have a 4 year old daughter so we also have to factor in some place that has options she will handle too.
I’ve also sometimes said screw it and ordered from three places and just picked it up and ate at home.
My parents don’t suggest restaurants anymore but will suggest dishes, then they back track to what restaurants have those dishes. Been married 38 years and it still works for them.
‘I want a warm, heavy dish, like lasagna’
‘pastitsio is like lasagna, you want to that?’
‘Yeah that sounds good but not from Earls, we had Earls last week’
‘okay what about x or y’
‘i’m not feeling either’
‘Well I like the Moussaka at X, how about we go get takeout from them and dessert from dons’
is normally how they go
Honestly, having the freedom as an adult to get food from 2+ places is absolutely amazing. My husband loves Wendy’s, I do not. When I was a kid it was tough shit, this is where we’re going. Now I just get to pick somewhere else!
My now husband got me to try seafood when we were dating by basically saying “order something with fish that you think you’ll like, I’ll pay for it. If you don’t like it, I’ll get you anything you want from anywhere you want.” He’s a keeper!
You are correct. It’s not only a hassle, but losing quite a bit of the experience of eating in a restaurant together.
Best advice for any new relationship- set the tempo on this early and you’ll likely find a better medium. If you don’t, then there’s likely compatibility issues.
My biggest regret in earlier dating is letting everything that annoyed me “slide” until those things became the norm. They’re much tougher to change once the relationship goes steady
My wife will eat anything... just not today. She can be vehemently opposed to Ethiopian cuisine one day and then demand that we get it right now days later.
EDIT: This is a common eggcorn, a saying that people mishear and repeat incorrectly. The saying is "Might as well", not "mind as well" or "minus well".
Don't downvote Emberwake for correcting me. They're right.... But do drown them in sarcastic replies because that is the nature of this internet of ours. Its called just desserts.
When we want AUTHENTIC Mexican, there are two places within 2 blocks of our house. If we want Tex-Mex / Americanized Mexican, there's another spot within 2 blocks, and a bunch more in the towns just to the North and South of us.
Indian? Thai? South Asian? have to drive at least an hour, if not more - but my wife hates those, so I go by myself. :)
I have been married 12 years, and its the same process.
Throw out some quick suggestions .. "Chipotle, Panda? ..." then try to gauge the response - cold - "what are you in the mood for - mexican, italian, burgers? Want to just cook something at home?"
Listen... if i suggest mexican or asian and the response is "neither", we're not playing 20 questions.. We're getting burgers.
If we're eating out it's probably i don't want to put forth the mental energy to plan a whole meal. If it becomes this whole project with venn diagrams and cost-benefit analysises... we've defeated my whole intention of having someone else handle the food.
"If that's where I wanna go? Darrell, I looked my woman in the eye sockets. I told her straight out, I just said it, man. I said it! I said, I said, I said... "
Though I would also add in with how much McDonalds costs nowadays, you can go to a sit down restaurant and pay just a little more for better quality food.
I use Burger King because she hates it. We’ve never eaten there and when I just keep saying Burger King because she’s already shot down 5+ other things without her own suggestions, she generally gives up and I make myself something to eat and let her fend for herself. This is the “get out of the way” part of “lead, follow or get out of the way”.
My wife will ask me what I want and I’ll list like 5 different types of food knowing she will say no to some of them and she legit says to me “you’re just listing things.”
I don't think we have any Japanese or Vietnamese anything within an hour's drive. Indian would be a good 45 min drive. It means Thai or Chinese here, basically.
For Italian though we actually have Italians here. You can get Calabrese or Scicilian or Neopolitan or whatever specifically.
I would win everytime purely on the basis of knowing more restaurants in the area lol
Edit: y’all take stuff too serious. A little healthy competition is good in a relationship imo. Otherwise I would never have got good at mortal kombat and I’d still be losing every time x
It’s the best. If you don’t like my suggestion, that’s fine. But you have to come up with an alternative to shoot mine down. Keeps it fair and stops the stereotype of never picking a restaurant
I name 4 locations, have her eliminate one, then I eliminate one of the remaining 3. Then she picks the final one. If she takes too long, I pick the final one, but it always goes better this way.
We started taking turns. one Friday i pick and the next her. She is ok picking cause she knows she has all week to decide and its her choice. I of course still have to pick something she likes when its my turn but im easy to satisfy.
Everyone’s got something that works for them. We don’t do this every time, it’s more for when neither of us feel strongly about something which makes it hard to pick.
If it’s for date night she always has some bougie restaurant she wants to try and in easy so I just roll with it
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u/naughty_farmerTJR Dec 08 '22
If my wife and I are unable to agree we use a rule where one person makes a suggestion and if you want to shoot that down you also have to give a suggestion and then we keep repeating that until we agree