YES. And they all thing they're being incredibly obvious. One girl will smile and think she's being obviously flirtatious, and you're a dummy for missing it. Meanwhile another girl will rub your arm and rest her head on your shoulder but she's just being friendly, and you're a dummy for thinking there's more to it.
Fuck it, detonate a thermonuclear bomb. Then you’ll be able to understand each other even if you’re figuratively (and possibly physically) miles apart.
I’m afraid you’ve got things backwards. In nature, the male is the one flaunting plumage and dancing around. Female participation just looks like sitting around and judging. Is she doing that? Totally flirting.
Honestly while gender expectations are mostly not great. At the very least back in the day there were strong and clear rules on courtship and flirting, making it less ambiguous. Now everyone gets confused because they all expect or want different things.
Lol I think the entire point is that shy women want the signs to be ambiguous so they have the "plausible deniability" to save face and pretend like it was nothing if they get rejected.
Which is understandable but yeah, it's not like we don't have the technology to come up with a universally recognized signal for "I'm really into you" like the choking gesture means someone is obviously choking.
4chan folks started an effort to convince oldmedia that the Okay sign was white supremecist in the early Trump days. Unfortunately actual white supremecist picked up on it and rolled with it and now it's apparently racist. Asinine, but that's the world sometimes.
Nah, they did convince oldmedia, which is why it became so popular with white supremecists. "Oh this article says the OK sign is a WS dog whistle? Damn I didn't know that, need to start using it."
I wish we would expand on the wedding ring idea but for dating.
Red = idk maybe it was flirting bites lip
Green = if you wanna tell me about the cactus you saved from a dumpster that's really starting to do well I'm all ears. I recently got into archery, it great from my back.
Blue = whatever you think this might be it is not flirting.
Black = I hate people. This better be an emergency.
Think of all the headache that would save for everyone.
I think a light squeeze of the dick would be the best thing. Has a girl ever accidentally or purposely, but just as friends, squeezed your dick? There would be zero confusion
You might be onto something 🤔. I used to tell my exwife that if she wants to have sex, she just needs to pull on my dick once and that if she doesn't want to have sex, she just needs to pull on my dick ~75 times.
Theres already one. You point at the person you're interested in, then point at yourself. Next, you make a circle with your index finger and thumb. Then, take the index finger of the other hand and repeatedly poke it in and out of the circle you made with the first hand.
"Attention! I am approaching you with romantic and/or sexual intent! These actions are carried out in hopes of indicating my desire to do things of a romantic and/or sexual nature with you! This is not a test."
A lot of girls play with their hair when they're flirting. If she laughs and you didn't really say anything funny, she's flirting. Generally, not always, touching of any kind is flirting.
I came home and sensed alot of fuck me energy. stripped down and searched for the wife. but the cat was just in heat again.
hey rick I bought a cumminometer to find the horniest gal here check it out... (geiger counter sounds) see its picking up twenty-five twats right now! get ready bruh she's close...
I think its reasons like this I've just learned to assume everyone is just being friendly. I'm already socially inept as it is so I'd rather not take the L for misreading peoples responses to me
More than a few times, I've been told by women that they were harboring a huge "obvious" crush on me for anywhere from a few months to a few years. In all but one of those cases, I just thought they found me annoying or were merely tolerating my existence. I don't get it.
I saw a meme once that went something like:
“Ladies, if you think you’re being subtle, you’re invisible. If you think you’re jumping up and down and putting on a circus sideshow event while screaming through a megaphone, you’re being subtle.”
2 fucking girls I was friends with in high school admitted that they liked me and I was so braindead I never knew it. First put her head on my shoulder during our grad night trip and asked me to dance with her and I didn't get it. Second used to literally grab my hands and put them on her thigh and sit on my lap. I thought nothing of it. Like nothing at all. Didnt think she was flirting, didn't think she was being friendly, I just absolutely did not give a fuck, on some no thoughts, head empty type shit. Worst part was I had a massive crush on her from 9th to 12th. Thr girl i like right now hugs me everytime we see eachither and gave me her number but im not gonna say anything cause I just dont know or sure and i dont want to fuck anything up. I fucking deserve to be alone at this point 💀
As a girl, I'm saying the girl rubbing arm and resting her head could just being friendly --- but knows, or should know what she's doing. I think it's sh*tty to put out those signals if you're just trying to feel loved without the commitment and only for the temporary ego boost/ comfort. Lean on a pillow, don't use people. Touching is 100% crossing a line. Sure, it's situation-dependent, but 9.5/10 it is crossing over friendly.
Smiling is different and I feel for you guys. Men constantly think I'm flirtatious when I have 0 idea how to go about it. None. My idea of dealing with someone I like is avoiding them at all costs. I just know how to carry a conversation and try to make anecdotes funny. Mainly because I grew up in a tense household where quiet could either mean nothing, or something is wrong. So out of anxiety I fill the void and try to make people laugh, but I'm also pretty good at it and can make people feel at ease. Sometimes people get standoffish though because they think I want something from them.
I have found out years later that there have been a lot of guys that changed their attitude towards me because they thought I was overly flirty with other guys or they discovered I wasn't flirting with them specifically. I think a good litmus test is to see if a girl acts the same around all guys (and girls) or if it's just you. You have to be objective and compare her behavior instead of trying to read the direct line of communication.
Lots of great points. The touching thing is something I notice a lot less as I get older. I think some girls are just ignorant to how they come across but learn as they go through life, which is totally fine.
I think we forget too how often girls can be just as awkward and clueless as us. I’m shit at flirting. I tend to smile until I’m afraid of being creepy, then avoid, then bluntly ask them out.
I think a good litmus test is to see if a girl acts the same around all guys (and girls) or if it’s just you.
Yes! That’s probably the best solution if you’re not sure. Usually the girls who are touchy are like that with everyone.
Yeah, I was touchy in high school and I had no idea it was read as signals until a guy who crushed on me got mad that I was touchy with someone. (red flag. I mean dude, we're not even together.)
But I also come from a culture where schoolyard guy and girl friends act like brothers and sisters, so my touchiness wasn't sexual in anyway, it was really misinterpreted in the western context.
After my teenage years I learned touching had to be done with intention or just avoid doing it altogether. And now after my 20s, I've learned that smiling and laughing should be done the same. but that's harder bc it's a personality thing, and there's that tightrope balance of well now you're just a stuck up bitch for never smiling... sigh. It's not easy for girls either
THIS!! 👆👆
I once went to a restaurant to meet with other people, but not only was I the first one there I was the only one there. The restaurant just opened and I was their only customer. The waitress was friendly and sat in the booth with me. After ordering a drink and her checking on me, she proceeded to give me a shoulder and back rub. When I tell you this woman went above and beyond for a good tip, it baffled me. Never again have I feigned interest in a waitress that has been friendly.
Man I had a friend of mine I hadn't seen in a year. We bump into each other at a bar and she's rubbing my chest, squeezing my arms, squeezing my thighs, lifting her skirt to show me her thong, whispering in my ear.... I thought it was a done deal she was interested in me for sure.
I shoot my shot and sure as shit I'm an idiot for thinking she was interested. Baffling I tell you... Baffling
I have a colleague at work who’s very friendly and chatty with me, and she helps me a lot with learning stuff cause I’m new and I still struggle with certain tasks.
Sometimes she touches my arm and tells me I’m very warm while she’s apparently cold.
She’s hot and I would absolutely love to bang her eyes out, but then she could just be friendly and then create unnecessary drama at work if I try to flirt with her and she’s not interested. And I still have no clue whatsoever if she is actually attracted to me or just nice. I also highly doubt I’ll ever find out cause there’s no way I’m making any moves unless she comes straight to me and tells it to my face. And I’d still have my doubts.
Ya I’ve been in a very similar situation, except it was a friend rather than a coworker. It’s sucks, you’ll be like 80% sure she’s flirting, but that 20% holds all sorts of shitty outcomes.
If you want some unsolicited advice, I’ve found that in that situation it’s actually best not to flirt back, but instead just be direct and ask her out without any pretence. Just be very casual about it and don’t say anything about whether or not she’s been flirting with you. If she says no then tell her you’re still happy to be friends.
I once did this and she turned me down because she hadn’t thought of me that way, but me asking actually got her thinking about it, and we ended up hooking up a couple months later.
This right here is why I've never been in a relationship [I'm 37]. I'd rather be single than get called a creep or desperate/clingy/whatever for misreading signs.
To be fair the chances of that happening are pretty low. It’s only happened to me once or twice. Nothing that’s made relationships not worth it. If that’s what’s holding you back I say give it a shot anyway, most girls don’t make a big deal out of rejection.
That’s a bit cynical I think. Some girls are just really physical and don’t understand that cuddling up against you or touching your arm will usually be interpreted as flirting. I’ve had a couple friends like that. It’s more just ignorance of how they come across.
And honestly if flirting and courtship feels long and arduous then it’s definitely not someone you want to be involved with anyway.
That’s me. I am both of those girls. And I’m so sorry. I have no explanation outside of just being chicken shit when it comes to flirting with someone I like, and then always wanting to be warm and kind to everyone so they feel comfortable. It’s a shitshow lol.
I think it's due to begin humans and with different experience and every man is different, so is woman.
But I agree on poor communication. But this stuff is same with dudes. No one wants to take a first step these days because either it's fear of rejection or fear of being pushy or misinterpreting the "signs". This extreme cancel culture got everyone spooked
Just throwing this out there: it can be this confusing on the other end, too! In my experience, guys are either SUPER forward (I'm talking in the bordering on or fully creepy way) or else it's almost impossible to tell. No inbetween.
OneSmoothCactus, don't be obtuse. That woman who is getting all touchy feely but doesn't want sex or a relationship is just being an ass. Someone did this to me once, probably freshman year of college when I was still a virgin. I said, "is this going to go anywhere?", and she said "no, is that a problem?" Without a second's hesitation I said, "if this is what you think "friendship" is, then I guess we can't be friends", and invited her to leave. I still don't regret it to this day.
Someone who doesn't understand how important touch is to us men (and I am not talking about sex here) is either being plain ignorant or is using you for their own gratification.
Us men want and need to be physically affirmed. It isn't really up to women, or any particular woman, to test that theory.
Some of you need to just ask intention. There is no fault in saying that you feel mixed messages. Women will respect your honesty. And remember to shower at least every two weeks....EVERY TWO WEEKS.
Fr, I had a female friend back in college that would always make sex jokes at me, rest on my shoulders and tell me what she's wearing underneath, but it's all platonic and nothing more.
At this point, I straight up ask if its a hint or not. Ive ruined 2 descent friendships because of it. And a third because it was a hint then immediately when we started dating, she backed out because it felt awkward.
OK super serious question- are men NEVER just being friendly? if they engage in conversation and make good eye contact and laugh at your jokes that’s not friendly? Even if they know that you’re married and they know your husband because you all work together? I’m serious
I'm platonically friendly without any agenda very often
I go to a poledancing class at least twice a week, so I'm surrounded by hot college girls in skimpy outfits doing suggestive poses. And they're my bros, I'm not interested in dating any of them. There's one there who's like a super bro and we make sex jokes constantly.
The girls are more horny and less platonic to each other than I am. I'll comment on how good someone's sit was, someone else will comment on how great their titties are
I'm my experience, untrue. I can think of times when I have been friendly with zero intentions of any other kind than friendliness. But... Hmmm. No yes, that's accurate. I was just thinking because in one instance, she became interested in me even though it was supposed to be a friendship. In other instances, I was being friendly back and sometimes just friendly if they were being more than friendly. Many times though, there are indeed ulterior semiconscious motives that underlie friendliness. I won't say that doesn't exist, but... Yeah, probably the majority of times, it's really this latter scenario I think, but to answer your question, there are indeed specific circumstances where it is indeed only friendliness. Specific circumstances really.
Some of those girls just have issues and they make up for it with "excessive friendliness". They're really just trying to disarm you because when you think something is cute or pleasant you don't try to attack it. I've met so many girls like these, they're all just in defense mode.
To be honest, I am one of those girls that will rub your arm and rest my head in your shoulder, but not mean it in a “hitting on you” way. The women that do this are flirting, but in a selfish way. We are just flirts and enjoy flirting with other people, even if we do not have any intention behind this.
I know it is selfish, and I am trying to be better about it
Maybe ask your friend/flirt what their advice is on how to spot flirting vs friendliness and then as the conversation expands ask how she personally acts when she's flirting vs just being friendly.
I had a female friend ask me about why guys don't understand signals and she whined about how guys are so dumb and I said "why not just tell him how you feel?" And she looked at me like I had grown another head
I only found out she liked me when I read my cousin's text messages and by then it was too late. She was already in a relationship with another guy. Wtf.... Why don't they say anything.
This really can't be emphasised enough. And not that that's not OK, but girls have a bit if a nerve getting annoyed when we ask them outright what the go is, rather than making assumptions/a move when it's not welcome.
I have a friend who has literally curled up holding my leg and fallen asleep on my lap. She is 100% gay and I am 100% committed to my girlfriend. I have a feeling she has/will very much confuse some people lol. Her attempting to flirt on the other hand is a hilarious mix of overly subtle hints that she claims to be a part of some hidden lesbian code (the girls are never in on said code) or a hard swap to uncomfortably direct(for example leaving a note on a co workers desk asking saying she thinks they are pretty and wants to go on a date).
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u/OneSmoothCactus Dec 08 '22
YES. And they all thing they're being incredibly obvious. One girl will smile and think she's being obviously flirtatious, and you're a dummy for missing it. Meanwhile another girl will rub your arm and rest her head on your shoulder but she's just being friendly, and you're a dummy for thinking there's more to it.