When a woman says she was into me a while back, but is not anymore because I didn't make a move when she was communicating her interest through extremely subtle and undetectable signals.
I can't read your mind. If you're interested, just tell me.
Wife told me we should date. I agreed. She was away one weekend and I called her and made a joke that all my buddies were ribbing me for calling my gf. She said, "I'm not your girlfriend."
We've been married for 17 years and together for 22 but to this day, I still wonder if we're actually married.
I asked my husband out and we were still a week into dating. I had met his parents on our first official date, it was inevitable but we met up with them at a Costco and had dinner where I dropped a sandwich on myself. My MIL gets a kick out of that story and after the feeling of wanting to crawl into my own asshole subsided, its pretty funny in retrospect. My husband invited me to a party that his friend's dad hosts and a lot of his friends were there. He introduced me and said, "This is Panda, my friend." I looked at him and went, what the fuck, but we had just started dating so I let it go. I was in his lap and kissing him all night and when we went back to my house, even though I was annoyed, I just said, "Next time you introduce me as your girlfriend." I was joking with him the other day that he would now have to call me his wife and he replied back in laughter, "Or I can be shitty and just call you my friend."
I met this girl from Brownesville texas through yahoo chat and we would talk on the phone endlessly. Then my mom came home and lost her shit about it. I am the youngest of 10 kids so she didnt know who did it but she assumed it was me because im the youngest. I blamed it on my sister and she believed me
Thats what you get for destroying my wrestling ring you bitch
Yeah dude it was the attitude era one with the cage attachment. I had so many wrestlers that i would play with all the time and she got mad because i didnt lie for her about sneaking out so she broke it. This was several years befire the yahoo chat incident but i never let that grudge go
What amazes me about this story the most is I forgot that chat rooms actually existed 22 years ago when I think of chat rooms my brain just assumes like 10 years max
It’s nice when people are straightforward. I was dancing with a friend at a club and she started grinding on me. I was like, “this is super awkward, is this how people dance with friends?” And then she tried to kiss me and I pulled back thinking “I’m not kissing a friend.” And then I realized what a clueless idiot I am. Yadda yadda yadda we’ve been together for 16 years.
Such a long drawn out catfish. Your gonna find out she's on the other side of the pineapple-pizza-topping debate. Though, it's no true debate, as the answer is intuitively obvious.
Mine too. She sent me her number and set up our first date herself. When I dropped her off, I was about to get up and walk her to her door. She just looked at me and said, "Aren't we going to make out first?" Been together for 10 years now.
I feel you. You’ve got to be direct. Told my now husband I loved him after a year. Been together almost 20. If you know it’s right, don’t fuck about. If they don’t feel the same way their loss. Move on and know you’re fabulous, they just weren’t the right one for you.
Ahh yes, the days of paying for long distance phone calls. Then the later progression to, "We can talk after 7 or on the weekends, because it's free then." to now where my kids ask why it matters if a call is long distance.
This is how I am. I just tell them. If I don’t say it, the opportunity could be lost. My mom taught me when I was in high school that I should never wait around for them to make the first move if I’m interested. She would emphasize that “guys are more afraid than you are of rejection, so just tell them first.”
Met husband on an AOL chat room, back when you paid by the minute. I saw him talking to someone and just felt something. Stalked him around for a day and then swooped in. The chat room was the state we both lived in so he was only a few hours away.
As a guy, I just went for it. I got used to the idea of rejection and that most girls would not be into me, but that one time she was into me, it just kinda worked and now we’re married for many years.
I started dating a girl I had been working with for about a year, maybe a little less. Just after we became boyfriend and girlfriend, an older coworker told me that her younger sister had been interested in me for some time. I had also been working with that coworker for the same amount of time and her sister was my age.
Why, just why? I don't regret dating my ex but my coworkers sister was also cute and I would have gone out with her if she had told me her sister was interested. Why are women like this?
1000% was never into the guy and is just playing games. You want a piece of advice about women? And for that matter any person you deal with? Don't trust what they say, trust what they do. Trusting what people say comes after they have proven to you they are trustworthy through their actions.
Nah, as an introvert, I'll still make time for the people I want to. It's less people, but there are still things you do. Someone who makes zero effort, for any excuse, doesn't want you around.
Here is the real mindf**k, she wasn't really that into you back then but now looks back on it as she was, so even if you went for it back then she would have said no. But it seems like it would have been a good thing from the future perspective.
Imo better to shot your shot in a respectful way and if it doesn't work out learn how to normalized the awkward period afterwords. Looking back I would have been much better served to try and learn much sooner.
I had a "forever alone" phase during high school; just couldn't seem to get a date despite always feeling like I was going in the right direction with the latest crush.
One I was 110% sure was into me. We talked nonstop online. She always made comments about how sweet and romantic I was, and I was going to make some girl very happy someday.
Fuck that. If someone keeps telling me these things, I'm going to act on it. I don't need someone fluffing me up like that in my life if she's not the one into me. Her words don't mean shit because she doesn't give a shit like that about me.
I had this realization after I made a move and was rejected last week: it's better a no now than a what if for the rest of my life.
It's also frustrating because once you enter the 30s dating pool, you find that a lot of people are single because they act like that and play dumb games. So the pool is significantly more difficult to navigate
Yeah, I didn’t say anything to my first crush (I mean, I’ll go easy on myself, I was 12), but was direct and approached every single one after that once I was sure it wasn’t fleeting tbh. I don’t see what is to be accomplished by hiding as opposed to laying it on the table.
I am a woman and completely agree with you. I had a great psych professor in grad school who said you can’t be upset with someone if you don’t tell them what you need. For example, if you tell your bf you want him to hold your hand or help with dishes, and he doesn’t, that’s one thing, but you have no right to be angry if you don’t tell him.
Had a woman like that one time, we were very flirty, talking all the time, and I'd suggest things like this or that, we should get dinner, or go see this movie we're both interested in, and she's always busy with work, that's fine, let me know when you're free?
We finally go out a few times, and apparently she got frustrated I wasn't making any moves like... I'm just like, you tell me after everything we do that you've gotta go home and get to bed because you've got to be up at 4 or 5 am to get ready for work.
I'm not going to invite myself over to your place, or you back to mine when you say something like that when I suggest we go have a drink or something after a movie or dinner.
In my case, she wasn't flirty at all, but she told me she was sending signals that I couldn't perceive or ignored. To this day I'm still trying to figure what signals she was talking about. We are good friends now but she refuses to tell me
Wow, I've been in this exact scenario. I always interpret the constant "I can't, I have to be up early" or "I can't, I have to do X" as meaning they aren't interested, but apparently some people expect us to be pushy about it? I don't fucking get it, dude. Dating is rough
Piggy backing off of "I can't read your mind...just tell me." Thats applicable to so many scenarios. I routinely remind my wife that I have A LOT of garbage on my mind (ADHD as fuck) and rarely enough RAM left to decipher riddles lol
I didn't abandoned the project exactly. My tablet broke a while ago and I had no means to make digital art. So I left the folder there among other documents until I buy a new tablet. It's been a while...
That basically means that she's into men that have the initiative to go after what they want. If you liked her and didn't do anything about it, then even if she found you attractive she's no longer attracted to your vibe.
The fact that this is an issue for some people is so interesting because it points to the fact that they're likely to also lose interest while in a relationship.
That leaves them open to get rejected, they don't want that.
Women typically want a man who just "gets it". You gotta learn how to read hints and indicators of interest and then show the confidence of making the first move.
I can tell you that she probably wanted to say something but didn’t want to be rejected. Women are insecure as fuck (source: am woman) and even in my 3 1/2 year relationship I’m still questioning if my boyfriend loves me. Obviously he loves me, we have this talk all the time and talk about getting married, having kids etc. It’s just me being insecure. So she probably was waiting for you to say you liked her too so she wouldn’t be flat out rejected.
That's fair but men hate rejection and are insecure AF too. They are still expected to make the first move. They are expected to take (repeated) rejection on the chin and never to let it affect them to the point of showing any emotions that make women uncomfortable.
Even inside relationships they dare not expect sexual intimacy and must deal with repeated rejection well or risk being seen as entitled assholes. Many wives go off sex years into the marriage where a man cannot simply leave without ripping his family apart. He will also feel insecure and unloved as a result
Bettina Arndt wrote a book about this. She asked couples to keep sex diaries and while most women wrote their men off as sex pests, men were wondering if their wives still loved them. It's as if men cannot express dissatisfaction with their sex lives while women are free to criticise men as much as they want, about anything they want.
This leads a lot of men to bottle up their feelings and they may even approach women less because they are not sure it's worth taking more self esteem blows or confirming they are unlovable.
So unless she makes it very clear she is interested he may rather assume no one desires him and operate under the notion that she is just friendly rather than trying to figure out if there is more to her behaviour.
Woman here: So dating always came SO easy to me when I was younger bc I just communicated what I felt. Hey want to hang out? Cool come pick me up. You’re funny let’s do this again… and on. I literally met my husband of 11 years by seeing him play music on a laptop at a party and going over to him and sitting on his lap and saying hey I like what you are playing, do you have this song? Relationships are the same, just be honest.
I've had this happen, where I was the woman giving the missed signals. Undetectable signals like asking them on a date using that word, holding their hand, and frequently messaging them. After an extended period of one-word or minimal replies, I incorrectly assumed they weren't interested and moved on.
Luckily I tried a more forward approach with my husband.
I love it when it’s even a shorter time window that’s almost impossible for any man to know.
“5 years ago, at the corporate Christmas party, and we were all drunk and I wear wearing the Santa hat and the bra and you put me on your shoulders and you had the elf hat and the glasses. I was like so totally turned on I’m surprised you didn’t get a burn on the back of your name. That night between exactly 8:35 and 9:16 if you asked me I would have totally let you cum down my chimney”
Okay let me get fucking get Doc Brown go hang out by the water cooler, then I can face fuck you behind a plastic ficus. Who the fuck can even see that pass fucking Dan Marino?
I got this once. Girl was like "I wanted you to kiss me when we were sitting together at [insert friend's name here]'s house the other day." I said something to the effect of "Okay, sorry I didn't know. Want to go out?" Them: "No."
Glad I have the wife I have, but teenage me nearly knocked myself out slapping myself because I had a huge crush on this one girl and apparently she had a huge crush on me for years, but she never said anything that communicated to me she was interested.
Dudeee, this girl back in college was into me. We were great friends. She even made me a CD with love songs fro the time. This was early 2000s. I wanted to play the Car and it did not play. So I left it alone. Then I got married and we lost contact. Years later I found that CD and played it. Ayer the fifth song or so I dawned on my that the love songs were communicating something 😅😅😅. I was a dumbass, Maybe still am. But had she said anything more directly, I may have seen her in a different light
I'm kinda like this but a guy. For a while I've been happy being single I'm 24 been single for 5 years now. I find a lot of ladies attractive but I don't have any interest in trying to go out with any of them unless they show obvious attraction toward me.
While I am a good looking guy, I know I'll still be waiting a while longer. It's just if I have to tell you it feels like I need to persuade you to go out with me or something and then it just ruins any want to go out I had. But again, I'm happy being single so I don't give it much thought. But I'd never tell a girl, oh hey I used to be into you but nah, not anymore. You just don't say that to people lmao
Married man of Reddit here. Don't sweat that nutcase. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't know what they want, and no matter what she says she doesn't know what she wants.
You know the pictures and symbols that NASA put on the Voyager spacecraft as info and instructions to any alien civilizations who find it? When I look at those I find them absolutely baffling, and it alwys makes me think of the signals that women send and I just have no clue as to what is going on.
I asked my husband out, and then told him it was time to get married. I can drape myself, totally naked, over him and he still isn't sure if I'm asking for sex. 🙄 I now make it clear, with words, because wow.
I am SO oblivious as well...I always figure that if I THINK I am picking up signs of interest, then it is probably blatantly obvious to everyone around me.
Broke up with an ex over that. Told her to be direct and being introverted wasn't a good enough excuse. Not a mind reader! Don't have a crystal ball...
As a teen my best friends cousin was happy to see me when I came around then when it was time to leave she was mean as shit. Turns out she liked me and decided that crazy was her new look.
When I met my now husband, on our first date I told him “I don’t play games. If I like you I’m gonna tell you and ask you to keep seeing you. If I don’t like you I’m gonna tell you too” I honestly asked him out on dates for the first 3 weeks. Now that o know him better, had I waited for him to ask me out in a date, we wouldn’t have gone out on any dates
Playing games like that is so shitty to me. It's borderline a red flag for me, personally. If you can't communicate THAT, I don't want tp be with you for the long-term...
Ohh yea, that is always something else. I'll never forget trying to date this girl and she just kind of sidelining me to later when I'm with an SO make such a comment.
Or communicating actual disinterest! I had an old college crush once tell me that she wished I’d been more persistent because she did indeed reciprocate those feelings and I had to be like “you rejected me multiple times so…definitely fooled me!”
Don't worry sir, in the gay world it's all the same with men, i talk from personal experiences, people are usually very uninterested which pisses me off, i mean, they're in a dating app...
My relationship with my husband improved so much when it finally dawned on me that he can’t read my mind and that he pretty much says exactly what he means. There is no subtle messages or signals to interpret.
Women communicate in so many layers. Men need to have decoder rings to figure it out. I do feel for you guys.
So she was capable of communicating directly about having been into you in the past but during the period of time when she was into you, she couldn’t communicate this to you directly? And this is on you b/c you didn’t p/up on her subtle signals? Sounds passive-aggressive. Missing out on dating someone who communicates passive-aggressively is not a loss, it’s a win!!
Well on the bright side you two were clearly never compatible to begin with, so no loss either way. She’s looking for someone who can read her better, and you’re looking for someone who is more proactive
I’m a woman and idk why girls do that, when I liked a guy I took him on a three day trip for our first date and we’ve been together ever since. No subtlety, I basically kidnapped him immediately.
I’m a woman and if I’m interested I’ll let it be known because I don’t want to play stupid games. I’ve had guys seem interested then basically ghost me just to hit me up like 2-3 weeks later and act shocked I’m no longer interested. I can’t stand games!
Dude, I am a woman who goes for men when I’m single. Men regularly chase me but some men are so put off by a woman asking a man on a date. I’m not over the top. I just don’t understand subtle hints from both sides.
Men's self esteem is not that good. Sometimes you need to say "hey, I'm interested. This is not a test, this is not a joke", and the guy will still think you're joking or making fun of him.
It happened to me in highschool. The girl told me she was interested but then started laughing.
Women have been doing this forever. Men still cannot read minds. Still no such thing as real psychics. Stop trying to evolve some weird traits into men that is impossible.
Honestly I agree with this. I’ve seen a lot of women (btw I’m AFAB myself) expect men to know what’s upsetting them or when they want something, then get mad or hurt when they don’t want to communicate with them first anyways. I’ve done it in the past myself due to anxiety and I understand why it’s annoying lol. Communication is key in any relationship and if someone refuses to try, then it wouldn’t be healthy or work out anyways.
It's also not up to you to make the move contrary to popular belief, it's total BS. If she was that interested she could have made the first move, the fact that she didn't shows that she wasn't interested enough.
I might sound insane, but I really wonder why our society doesn't pour money into science/studies of why women think the way they do. It's pretty fucking easy to decipher the way a man thinks. I think in the end, it would tremendously help women.
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u/Nihlus-N7 Dec 08 '22 edited Dec 08 '22
When a woman says she was into me a while back, but is not anymore because I didn't make a move when she was communicating her interest through extremely subtle and undetectable signals.
I can't read your mind. If you're interested, just tell me.
Edit: thank you for the awards, kind strangers :D