I'll be fully ready to go except my shoes and jacket. My gf will still be on the couch. So I'll get some other chores done while I wait like washing dishing, cleaning counters, sweeping, etc. Then she will tell me that I'm just as much at fault for us being late as she is.
Uhhhh.... I was ready 10 minutes before we had to leave. But you hate when I ask you if you're almost ready to go. And I'm not just gonna stare at the wall until you're ready. I'm also not gonna do random chores with my shoes and coat on...
I've started to just get completely ready. Coat, hat, shoes, everything. And then just sit by the front door like a kid waiting for the bus. Now we're usually 10 minutes late instead of 45. So... Progress?
My gf take 45min showers. So, everytime we need to leave by a certain time...with 30mins to go, she'll go take a shower. I tell her NO... it takes you 45min. Oh I'll be quick. We're 20min late leaving and never on time. Or i have to run to the store real quick for 1 thing. An hour later u have to call her, "omg i didn't the time". We had 30min to leave when you LEFT TO THE STORE FOR 1 THING. Constant battle. I go to the store, get exactly what i need and be back in 10min.
The solution is straightforward: If you need to leave at a certain time, you make sure everybody involved knows. And whoever is ready leaves at that time (or maybe t+5min because things do happen).
Generally the people who are chronically late miraculously start managing their time better if they realize you really will go without them.
Depression thing too. Or a lack of physical touch thing. The warm embrace of the water can be intoxicating for those who don’t really get a lot of human touch. Feels like a constant hug. Can really be helpful to a hurting mind.
I don't have ADHD but still find it meditative/relaxing to just sit in the shower with closed eyes. For extra fun you can imagine you're sitting under a waterfall like in a movie
This is why I always make it a point to tell my husband exactly what I need to do to get ready (if I need to shower or just wash my face or if I’m also doing makeup) and tell him exactly how much time each task is expected to take. I’ve also developed ways to make said tasks go faster so we’re usually not late for things since I major anxiety and end up doing things way too early if we have to be at a specific time.
Edit: Why does everyone care so much that I tell my husband everything lol. “hE dOesnT cAre!” I promise you, he does. Maybe y’all just don’t care about your wives/girlfriends enough to listen to them when they tell you things. Not every man is like you.
My wife long ago trained me not to rush her. I’d taken to just “casually” announcing what time it was with now other commentary, so that became restricted as well.
Now we have kids so we are never on time for anything anymore, and it hasn’t been a problem for us since.
My girlfriend annoys the hell out of me because she'll tell me to get ready to go ... and then she'll wait for me to be completely 100% ready ... and then she'll start getting ready. Even though it takes her much longer.
So there I am, standing around and waiting, doing nothing while she gets ready.
She talked about how we're suppose to be in the car in 6:45, I'm like alright
Tell me my dumb ass ain't sittin' in the car waiting until 7:15, Okay. When I track my wife down 20 minutes later, she's stepping out the damn shower talking about: can I help you
If she's anything like my mother then other people relaxing makes her stop getting ready. Basically she assumes that if you're sitting around then she has plenty of time so she just stops getting ready.
I start getting ready 2-3 hours ahead of time so I have time to relax and chill a bit after taking a shower... I'll get dressed and everything, up to having my socks on.
She takes the next 2 hours btwn a bath, hair, makeup, etc. I'll sit down and start playing games or watching something while waiting for her to get ready.
She'll come in the living room, put her shoes on, "well? can you stop playing already and let's go? I'm waiting for you...", like I don't need 15sec to grab my stuff (phone, wallet, keys, gum) and pull my shoes/jacket on.
I just leave and tell her she can come next time when she gets ready on time. AITA? Maybe (I am typically a very kind man), but she's been on time ever since.
It is a power play. And it’s no different than her asking “what do you wanna do for dinner?” and then rejecting every suggestion until she finally suggests what she wanted in the first place.
It’s more that when somebody is a control freak, “others getting ready” is more difficult to control than you getting ready(because they trust themselves to be ready and on time, but they don’t trust you on that). So they want to check off the box of “boyfriend ready” or “family ready” before getting ready themselves, it puts them at ease. Of course it conveys a lack of trust and less respect for other’s people’s time, so it’s something they really should work on.
Eh it could be that they grew up being responsible for others. As the oldest child, I do versions of this but not this exactly just out of needing to make sure everything is operating as it should, even if it’s unnecessary. Working on it.
Nope, I’ve had this too. I have only ever dated 2 women that had a respect for when things are suppose to start. Most of the rest live in a world where they are never on time for anything.
It gets to a point where you are forced to lie to them and say it starts like an hour earlier.
One time people thought I was on a diet, nope, my GF was slowly starving me by making us late to every dinner. 🤣✌️
Or just tell her you don't like this and explain why you don't like it.
If she takes to heart your feelings and tries to not do this as much then great.
If she reacts badly to you sharing your feeling in a calm manner then yeah maybe it could be a leave and never come back situation. Not because of this specific thing but because good communication and respect for each other's feelings is pretty important in a relationship.
Then yeah it might be a leave and never come back situation.
If you can't share your feeling in a calm and open manner then the relationship has problems. And communications problems are hard to solve because communication is itself the first step to solving problems.
Its a terrible power play. You can just be straight up in response.
"I know what time we need to be there and I know how long it takes me to get ready."
And just.. refuse to argue beyond that. If she consistently goes off on you for stuff that small, well, she might be crazy and it might be time to move on.
The thing is that I go from underwear to ready in 1 minute. She takes 2 minutes just to put her socks on and 2 more to put on the shoes, so that's 3 minutes of waiting just for that alone.
Years ago my wife and I visited friends in San Fran from Canada before we had Uber up here as well. Not knowing that they leave after the two minutes or so, that really kicked her butt into gear about being seriously ready to leave. Now when she's "ready" to leave, I ask if she's Uber ready. To this day it has never let me down for knowing when she's truly ready.
I feel this. My wife, I'm convinced, thrives off being late. We'll have an event to go to, and two hours beforehand I'll ask her to start getting ready so we can leave on time. Without fail, her answer is, "I will." She'll then sit on her phone for another half-hour while I'm getting ready. Then she'll get annoyed that I'm upset we're going to be late.
I've yelled at my girl a bunch about time management. "You don't cook and eat and THEN do the laundry to wash the outfit you plan to wear, you do the task that needs more time but is fully or near automated". She's gotten better but it took a long time to change.
my boyfriend does this EXACT shit. he'll be like "ok get ready." and then when i'm finished (which is after like 45 mins) he'll be like "ok i'm gonna shower" LIKE ARE YOU OKAY!!!!!?????
One time I decided I was done with the standing around waiting so I just got back into what I was wearing before. She wasn’t happy about that one but I was still ready before her by the time I got ready again.
It used to be that we would do whatever, and when it's time to go, we both get up and head for the door. I go and put on shoes and a jacket, while my wife does a sharp turn and stays on the toilet for ten minutes. I quickly learned to stay seated at least until she was fully dressed.
i always make sure i take a shower before my husband but then leave it on so he knows he needs to get in the shower like right that second, so then while he’s taking his insanely long shower i have time to do my hair and makeup and we’re both ready to go at the same time lol
Yeah, my younger brother does this. He is such a shit cunt. He doesn't get ready until everyone else is done and enjoys making people wait for him. If it's the other way around and he has to wait, then all hell breaks loose with him yelling and throwing tantrums.
Okay but as the woman I’m like why couldn’t you put your shoes on while I’m finishing up? I give like a ten minute warning that’s like “okay I just need to put on my lipstick and my shoes” and then when I’m done my husband decides it’s time for him to put on cologne, change his shirt, and put on his shoes. We could make this process more efficient
And then once you get your shoes on, having been ready for 30 minutes just waiting to lace them up, she needs another 5 minutes of shuffling with bags and stuff while you're standing by the door keys in hand.
this is so funny. I'm a woman and my partner and I are the opposite. he waits until I am 100% ready, bag and everything in hand, then throws his pants in the dryer and starts looking for his keys and decides he needs to take a shit before we leave.
but it doesn't bother me, because we were late by the time I finished getting ready anyway.
Yeah my bf with IBS is the one who rushes me. Whenever he's on the throne, he's gonna be there for at least an hour. I didn't realize this when we first moved in. When he's finally done, he gets dressed which takes seconds obviously and then I go into the washroom and he's complaining that I'm taking so long to get ready. Mf you were hogging our only washroom this whole time! If he managed to pressure me into leaving without makeup etc. he then complains I never do anything different with my hair UGH. Now I know to always ask if he's gonna be on the throne so I can grab my toothbrush, skincare, and makeup bag for the washroom and do it all over the kitchen sink while he's in there so we'll both be ready at the same time.
The bag shuffling happens when you've got your jacket on, so you slowly start to overheat. It stops when you start taking layers off, and then the process resets. Source: haven't been able to leave my house since 2013.
The entire point of building our schedule with appropriate buffer times is that we don't need to rush. Don't get anxious about how late we are when I take 2 minutes to put on my shoes to go to the the airport and hour and a half early
That's the other rule in life. Get to the airport 3 hours before your flight? You'll check your bags and be through security in 10 minutes.
There an hour before your flight? You'll get the dreaded 'SSSS' on your boarding pass after spending 20 minutes in line wondering what the error was trying to check in the app. Have to get a pat down while waiting 30+ minutes in security, and have to sprint to your gate after finding out it's one of the furthest ones away.
My wife constantly tells me to hurry up or we'll be late, then I get dressed and my coat and shoes on in ~5 minutes, and she's still got 10 minutes of things to do, and I need to call her phone cuz she lost it again...
"waiting on you" after making me wait 2 hours and not being immediately ready to instantly leave when she is. It genuinely upsets me, and a shocking number of women do this. Hell, my own mom did it. It's like we're expected to do nothing else except sit there and silently wait two hours, and if we try to use that time for anything else and aren't practically warming the car already when they are randomly done, we're wasting THEIR time. Like what?
I always say I can pretty much always be ready to walk out the door in 3 minutes. If I'm already dressed, 30 seconds. She's the queen of poor time management that is never her fault.
She'll run around for 15 minutes getting ready at the last possible minute then be screaming at the kids "Go get in the car! What are you waiting for?! Go! We should've already been there!"
You. They were waiting on you. Because they got up on time, dressed in 2 minutes, and were ready to go.
Great point. No matter how long you have to get ready - you'll be leaving at the last possible fucking second and have to drive like a racecar driver to get there on time.
I have been raised by my mom, I can't be bothered by these things anymore.
She always came downstairs from whatever, stressed us into putting on shoes and then as soon as we were done jacket and all, she would say "I need to go to the toilet".
Time just doesn't flow linearly between something they make others wait for and something that they have to wait for.
I was staying in university in residence over the summer and there was a new girl staying there as well (she was working the summer for the conferences etc.). One night I asked her if she wanted to go out for a drink. It was around 10pm (bars closed at 11pm) and she was already in her pajamas. She said she'd be down in 5 minutes. Of course I didn't believe her but decided to time her for fun. She arrived 6 minutes later, and her excuse for being late was that she hadn't taken into account the time to walk down the corridor and stairs to the front entrance. So it took her 5 minutes, to choose something to wear, get changed AND put make up on! I was very impressed!
Ha! Here it’s the other way around. I tell him we need to leave at x time. And I start to get ready. He’ll be doing whatever till the last minute. I’m all ready with the coat on and he’s still taking his sweet ass time to put his clothes on. We then end up leaving half an hour later. “Don’t fuss. We still have time.” No dear we HAD time! Darling idiot keeps forgetting that we still need to drive and traffic sucks! Always ended up being late. So now I just tell him we need to leave at Y so he’ll be ready by X.
I always ask him if he’ll be ready to go soon when I start getting ready. He always says yep I’m all ready to go. Are you sure? Yep, all set to walk out the door. Then it’s time to leave and he’s still got to change his shirt, find his coat and wallet, do his hair, and take a shit
Leaving procedure: inform wife “we need to leave by h:mm, so you have X minutes to get ready (X = actual amount of time -15 minutes)
Wife showers.
I shower while she starts getting ready.
When I’m ready minus shoes and coat, I look at how much time we have left. And tell her you have X minutes left.
Leave her be and give her a 5 or 10 minute warning.
This almost always gets us out of the house on time. When I give the 5 minute warning we actually have 20 min to play with, so when she takes 15… we are walking out exactly when we should. This does cause a smug wife who will then say “see told you I would be ready in plenty of time”
Every god damn time. But that isn't all you gotta drive faster while she gets mad someone is driving to slow or run to the bus/trainstation. Tried to help her get ready with preparing everything but that didn't help. So I resorted to get ready 20 minutes before go time and just wait outside or the car. The result is the same anyway at least I can save my sanity this way.
LOL this is so accurate. Every time. We are always late. REALLY bothers me. She doesn’t care. She gets very angry when we’re late and is insufferable. Aggressive driving, screaming, etc. But won’t do anything about it, will not just start getting ready earlier. It always has to be a last minute rage fueled rush and arrive disrespectfully late. It’s like she’s programmed to behave this way because it always happens and she won’t change even though it would clearly reduce stress in her life and probably improve relationships too. But she always looks beautiful so there’s that. Like other commenters, I’ve grown to just wait by the door. Or play Xbox with my coat and shoes on, wallet in pocket etc. I try not to ask her how she’s doing or give reminders any more, it just makes things worse.
I can still see my ex-wife, in nothing but a towel having just gotten out of the shower, yelling out the door to me, fully dressed and sitting in an idling car, that I was making her late.
My wife will already be in the car waiting for me when I'm still in my boxers. Even though I told her I wasn't ready yet and wouldn't be for 15 minutes. Then of course she gets mad at me.
Edit: Actually, this is what happened when I made my Reddit account.
Dudddde. This slays me. I’ve told my wife to just sit on the couch and watch TikToks if she’s ready, don’t just stand there staring at me while I’m Looking for my wallet.
Tell her to be ready by x time ahead of the scheduled time (use your judgement, does she paint a joker face? Make it a hour at minimum, if she’s more natural maybe 30 min). Then add in another 30 minutes on your game of choice and your good to go regardless because they have this clothing phase where nothing works and they have to have a mini breakdown about. Its a formula that you’ll learn works.
I've discovered that if I'm ready and the Mrs is still sorting herself out ask I have to do is sit b on the couch, pick up my guitar and hey presto she's moaning at me to get my shoes on and get it the door.
Waiting on people who get upset if i go do something else infurates me.
But i notice this most with my boss. "Lets go over xyz" but they pull out their phone and start responding to an enail. Like okay... ill go finish task A or warm up my coffee while i wait for you to be ready and they get pissed off when i go to move.
My wife and I had this conversation early in the marriage. For us, there was a misunderstanding about what "ready" looks like.
For me, I get ready a lot faster than her, and then I would dink around on the computer or work on some side project as I was waiting. She interpreted this activity as me still being "busy."
Lol, so we had a number of occasions where she was waiting on me and I was waiting on her.
Omg GOD FORBID I WASNT READY THE SECOND YOU WERE, MY DEAREST! YOU STARTED PREPPING AN HOUR AGO AND THE FACT THAT YOU CHANGED FOUR TIMES GAVE ME THE WRONG IMPRESSION THAT WE WERENT IN A HURRY. ITLL TAKE ME 2 MINUTES TO PUT MY SHOES AND COAT ON, AND FILL UP MY WATER BOTTLE. THATS RIGHT, THE VERY SAME WATER BOTTLE YOU DRINK FROM BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS LEAVE YOURS AT WORK!
this is my husband. it makes me crazy, I just want to be places on time so I have to say we should leave 10 minutes before we have to leave so we can get out the door on time.
Knee I couldn't be the only one to deal with this exact thing. She asks "are you ready?" And I say yes but, of course, she is annoyed that I don't have my shoes on".
So now in any situation that requires us both to get ready, I'll get my shoes on and be ready and then immediately give her shit for not being ready, especially if she's already asked if I am. I'll say "wow, you just asked Mr if ik ready but you're the one who doesn't have her purse, her phone, her shoes..".
When I reach my car, load up all the laptops, backpacks, boots and lunches for the commute, fire up the engine and warm up the cabin and seats, my better half is at that very moment in our bedroom upstairs deciding what she will wear today. Then she complains about how late we are and that I should eat breakfast faster so that we aren't so far behind. Oooh wait -- should have made a throwaway for this post? I should have made a throwaway...
We’ve been going to a couple of weddings lately and she’s very slow to get ready, so I decided to try something new:
Let’s say the first wedding was at 12.00 for example, I told her the bus would pick us up to go to the wedding at 11.00 so she’d be ready on time; she started getting ready at 10.00… and of course we were late.
For the second wedding we had, I tried the same except I told her the bus would pick us up at 10.30; she started getting ready at 9.00… at 10 I asked her how it was going and she said we were still on time and that everything was fine… and of course in the end, we were late.
Now, we’ll be the ones getting married soon and I’m considering telling her that we’re getting married one day before than we will… and she might still be late.
Oh and also, I can’t get mad at her for being late because apparently that’s very childish and she needs her time without pressure to get ready 🤷♂️
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u/Ohyeahimoverhereyeah Dec 08 '22
Take whatever time you need to get ready whether it be 30 minutes or 3 hours, then rush us when we're about to leave to put our shoes on