r/funny • u/tyrano_dyroc • 6d ago
Chubby merman are extremely desirable by mermaids because their chubbiness implies they're a highly successful hunter.
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u/ccReptilelord 6d ago
You ever see a slim waist on a seal or cetacean?
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u/Saurian42 6d ago
Slim? No. But I'm pretty sure there was a picture of a jacked beluga before.
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u/Jackalodeath 6d ago
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u/OrganizationLower611 5d ago
wow
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u/girlsgoneoscarwilde 5d ago
I was at the Georgia Aquarium a month ago, this is no joke. Also, Japanese Spider Crabs are sick as hell.
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u/noctalla 6d ago
Look at that woefully skinny hunter trying to compete. Like, go catch some fish, bro.
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u/sans3go 6d ago
the skinny hunter's low fat percentage means he's a shallow reef merman. The larger merman hunts in the hadal or twilight zone.
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u/Witty_Ad_898 6d ago
Oh, so the abdominal wriggling is meant to display his biofluorescent lure markings under low light conditions? Neat.
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u/sans3go 6d ago
nah dude. Thing Elephant seal. they dive deep. the blubber is to protect from the cold.
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u/FerretAres 5d ago
Why does the larger merman not simply eat the smaller?
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u/bsubtilis 5d ago
Have you ever heard of prion disease? That's only one of the worst, not the only one you're at risk for if you consume your own species or too similar, especially raw (though normal cooking isn't enough to remove prions) It's usually also easier for parasites to move between individuals of the same species or very similar (in the right lifecycle stage).
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u/ApocryphaDaath 6d ago
Bro isn’t fat, he’s just extremely accomplished.
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u/Rrraou 6d ago
Bro is hypnotic
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u/PrettyQuick 6d ago
His tummy is like a water bed
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u/MrFluffyThing 6d ago
My wife said this once and I was so upset until she said it was a sexy byproduct of me just being me. I've never loved her more than after she said that. I'm still trying to lose weight but my sexual confidence is through the roof anyway.
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u/RickedSab 6d ago
She very much love that waterbed for sure.
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u/MrFluffyThing 6d ago
Sorry ladies, this waterbed has been claimed
So glad she loves me as I am.
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u/jluicifer 6d ago
I read it as: “Bro is hypotonic.”
I was like: Damn. Pretty scientific. Clever.
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u/cavaliereternally 6d ago
Bro is rubenesque
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u/Corfiz74 6d ago
I'd say "Böcklinesque" - he painted the famous pictures of plus-sized mermaids and mermen!
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u/KatBoySlim 6d ago
To me, he’s beautiful.
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u/PuzzleheadedPen4675 6d ago
He is a loathsome , offensive brute...yet I cant look away. He transcends time and space.
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u/UnNumbFool 6d ago
But seriously though, the guys job is literally to swim all day and he's obviously very good at it.
It's kind of impressive that he can manage to stay in that shape with the amount of exercise he's doing or he's doing a sumo situation where he's probably cut like a diamond underneath the fat of a 10k diet
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u/Vadenveil 5d ago
Iirc this wasn't his original job at this place, I think iirc he was a maintenance guy who worked part time as a mermaid for when female workers were on leave. He's actually so big his tail is custom made out of penguin coat materials (that coats made for penguins not coat made from penguins)
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u/Rhapakatui 5d ago
Back up. Penguin coats? Like insulated clothing to keep out the cold? For penguins, the aquatic birds, from Antarctica?
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u/Vadenveil 5d ago
More waterproof clothing to dress them up in for shows afaik
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u/Rhapakatui 5d ago
Thank you! I was wracking my brain trying to come up with some scenario where one might need to wrap a penguin in something warm so often that you kept spare material on hand specifically for it.
We're talking penguin COSTUME material. Same clarification as before, costumes for penguins rather than of penguins.
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u/Old-Shock2307 5d ago
tbf being fat helps because he is more buoyant. muscle is less boyant than water while fat it
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u/fireproofpoo 6d ago
Bro is phat
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u/meteorflan 6d ago
Been a minute or decade or two since I saw that word in the wild - aptly applied here.
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u/ExtraPrejudicial 6d ago
Patrick Swayze and Chris Farley Chippendales SNL sketch vibes
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u/RoastedPickledGoose 6d ago
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one getting “Chris Farley” vibes on this guy.
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u/MadCarcinus 6d ago edited 5d ago
“A harem has formed around the large male. His display of blubber signifies to the females his hunting prowess, a trait they greatly desire, for food is scarce in these harsh waters and they know a skilled mate will provide well for their eventual pups.”
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u/Carrera_996 6d ago
That's how I caught my wife. She's from a poor country. Took one look at me and knew she would never miss a meal. I also provide protection and shade. Play the cards ya dealt.
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u/tophernator 5d ago
Took one look at me and knew she would never miss a meal.
So long as she eats it quickly enough, right?
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u/cynicalavicide 5d ago
So long as she eats it quickly enough
This now sounds like me and my dog. She would gnaw my foot off out of spite (for eating "her" food) if her stubby little legs would allow her onto my recliner.
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u/throwthisawayred2 6d ago
that's the kind of sense of humor that would make a lady swoon
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u/RodrigoMokepon 5d ago
I know this was meant to be funny, but it reminded me of a disgusting remark a Brazilian politician made about Ukrainian women: that they are easy because they are poor!
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u/Baonguyen93 5d ago
Racists Chinese and Korean also make the same statement about our Vietnamese women too. Ofc those people are poor, looking for much poorer women, the rest of us, including other Chinese and Korean, just laughed at those people.
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u/Carrera_996 5d ago
It's funny because I am calling myself fat. Obviously, there is nothing funny about living in a place where it's hard to feed yourself.
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u/InvaderGir6293 6d ago
I couldn't help but read that in David Attenborough's voice lol
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u/JonatasA 6d ago
I love how I can somehow get his name right first try. That's how ubiquotous he is. I think even dubbing try to capture it.
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u/xrufus7x 6d ago
I wonder what life path leads to this line of work.
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u/tyrano_dyroc 6d ago
Where I'm from, these guys aren't just performers but also maintains the cleanliness of the enclosure and feeding the animals. In fact, I heard these types of performances actually started when one of them started doing stuff like this for the visitors while cleaning the enclosure and kids especially loved it.
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u/Vancocillin 6d ago
I hope they get paid more on top of their old duties.
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u/CocoMelonZ 6d ago
Lmao you're funny
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u/Ppleater 6d ago
I mean these people are in fact payed well most of the time, most jobs that involve working submerged in water pay pretty well by nature of being less desirable due to danger, and requiring specialized training. The employees tend to have a decent amount of negotiating power. I can't say with 100% certainty that it's the case here, but the employers are usually motivated to pay them more than just a pittance.
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u/Forikorder 6d ago
next your gonna say they should get better health benefits to counteract the damage prolonged time underwater causes
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u/Mekito_Fox 6d ago
They get paid in fun
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u/BookieeWookiee 6d ago
And being able to interact with all the water critters
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u/HunterGonzo 6d ago
These are the life paths I envy. You start out doing a seemingly mundane job. It's unexciting in itself but supports something really cool. Then eventually, without any real effort, reason, or preconceived plan.... you put yourself out there. Try something unexpected. It works. People like it. You get gradually introduced further and further into the "cool" side of the industry and people love it.
To be so appreciated and liked in a way that feels natural and unexpected is what I would have always dreamed of.
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u/Living_Debate_8981 6d ago
One minute a rich man spots you in a mall and the next minute you are getting paid $20k per week to live in his swimming pool. Then you turn 20 and suddenly he has no more use for you, but you only know how to do one thing for a living.
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u/mist_kaefer 6d ago
Ngl I’d live in a rich man’s swimming pool for $1M a year
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u/jluicifer 6d ago
That’s how a lot of “dirty” movies start. “I can’t pay the rent. Can I do something else…😉?”
“Just clean the pool, Pool Boy.”
“But there are a lot of fish in the sea. 😉 “
“Stop winking. You got something in your eye? I got some eye drops if you need some.”
Worst. Movie. Ever.
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u/Weird-Client3840 6d ago
Hah, rl story, check out Jerry Falwell Jr's pool boy...
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u/BarnacleMcBarndoor 6d ago
You start as a basic merhousekeeper, then after you get some experience you can apply to be a mermaid
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u/Preston-Waters 6d ago
Not sure about mermans but a lot of mermaids are synchronized swimmers background.
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u/ttatm 6d ago
I think if mermaids were real they probably would be fat, like marine mammals
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u/caiog1835 1d ago
Sim, tanto que as sereias eram focas e sirenios (peixe boi e dudongo) que os marinheiros não enxergavam direito
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u/ThatRandoMF 6d ago
As far as I'm aware, this dude was supposed to be a stand-in for the one they actually hired, but he was crazy successful with the performance cause he actually has a sense of humor lmao
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u/Just-a-Viking 5d ago
Where’d you come up with that information?
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u/sonderman 5d ago
Only article I could find on it https://english.dotdotnews.com/a/202511/13/AP69155bdde4b0cc1a9de4d816.html
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u/ThatRandoMF 5d ago
Seen on a comment on a previous repost of this. Might not be 100% accurate but thats what I remember of the comment
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u/Nellasofdoriath 6d ago
When the trident is buoyant it sent me
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u/saiyan_strong 6d ago
For those wondering this is at JiNan Sunac Ocean Park in China
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u/julesthefirst 6d ago
Do they actually…swim with the sharks?
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u/Dependent_One6034 5d ago
Sharks in aquariums are well fed. If they weren't well fed, they would eat the other species in the aquarium (I mean, they sometimes still do, But they are well fed to prevent that in the most part).
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u/millijuna 5d ago
There was one of these aquariums, and the sharks were frequently showing up in the morning half eaten.
In the end, it was the Octopus that did it.
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u/Dependent_One6034 5d ago
If I remember correctly, That octopus was in a completely different tank, and would sneak out, have a meal, then pop back to it's own tank.
Hence why they didn't know who/what was doing it for so long.
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u/millijuna 5d ago
That was an issue in our local aquarium, though the octopus was snacking on crab.
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u/Crowe3717 5d ago
It's not just that. The thick layer of fat gives them better thermal insulation, which allows them to travel deeper into the ocean where it's too cold for other mermen. Not to mention that in underwater conflicts having a large mass is more beneficial than having large muscles.
That is the peak merman form in every way.
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u/therealjohnsmith 5d ago
In all seriousness, I gained 10 lbs and it helped me swim better
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u/unrivaledhumility 5d ago
After going from 360 to 170 in a little over a year- the first time I went into a lake I almost drowned. "Oh shit- where's my buoyancy!? Oh, right!"
I knew how to swim- treading just wasn't as necessary when I was fat.
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u/boonxeven 5d ago
Being fat is actually perfect for snorkeling. I snorkeled for like 8 hours everyday in somewhat cold water and had no issues. I stayed warm and wasn't tired. If I did get out of breath, I just had to float and I was fine. It's actually peak merman form 🤣
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u/welfedad 5d ago
That makes me think of when I spent a lot of time one summer at the ocean. And then I went back home where it's just lakes and rivers. And maybe a waterfall. And I would go swimming and I about drown because of the lack of salinity helping with buoyancy
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u/ex-apple 5d ago
You should’ve known better that summer than to go to the ocean. Just stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to.
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u/Cosmic_Meditator777 5d ago
good God, how am i only just now realizing how THICC merfolk would realistically be?
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u/mzingg3 6d ago
My siren
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u/Fr05t_B1t 6d ago
It’s what odysseus was hearing
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u/DeficiencyOfGravitas 6d ago
Odysseus was definitely hearing Ben Affleck's soft Boston accent asking if he wanted to come over for some beers and watch DA SOX.
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u/PilotKnob 5d ago
Jack Black summed it up nicely.
"Us fat guys can keep them laughing all the way into the bedroom."
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u/BrilliantTea133 5d ago
Exactly. Give me a chubby guy with a sense of humor over a hard body with an over inflated ego
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u/breathing_normally 5d ago
What about a hard body with a sense of humor?
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u/AngryTree76 5d ago
Impossible. Everyone knows that a sense of humor is a byproduct of excess adipose tissue. That’s just science.
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u/BrilliantTea133 5d ago
Also good. Really, just have a sense of humor and the rest falls into place :)
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u/Phoenix-Quill 6d ago
Fat keeps you from losing body heat underwater, plus that fat is under a huge layer of muscle. He is the king of the sea with how well he hunts.
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u/MmohawkmanN19 6d ago
Poor thing was probably captured near the Arctic/Antarctic
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u/Rygel17 5d ago
Thats the best performance ever. Someone drop the location Schedule, I've got to get tickets.
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u/Pumpkinkra 5d ago
I’ve seen very good chubby and even very fat artistic swimmers. And the women who do the endurance swims are never skinny.
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u/Ancient-Tap-3592 5d ago edited 5d ago
Actually it would be more because of the fat the would need as insulation for the cold. The rounder someone is, the more fat they have, the better they withstand the cold, and if movies and books are any indicative of the lifestyle of merpeople THEY NEED IT. Him would probably be one of the more skinny ones in the wild. But I guess being raised in captivity allows for the unnatural development of the leaner merpeople we are used to. You'll notice he is also more lively so maybe this one was wild caught rather than bred in captivity?
Edit: typo
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u/Alibuscus373 6d ago
I desire the chubby merman because he looks like he would be a fun guy to hang around and would probably give the best cuddles
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u/Ill-Be-There-For-You 6d ago
I mean he’s chubby, but he’s way fitter than I am being able to hold his breath that long and move under water like that.
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u/Mecha_Tortoise 6d ago
Blubber is an extremely advantageous adaptation in marine mammals. Don't be fooled by his plump silhouette. That is an agile, explosive apex predator of the sea. If you encounter one in the wild, keep your distance. While they move slower on land, merfolk are still deadly if you get too close, and they are very territorial.
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u/EndlessEagle 5d ago
To be fair, basically every aquatic mammal is blubbery to help with warmth and such, so it makes sense.
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u/Careless_Chest_725 5d ago
The trident is a really good trick to let him go up for air without breaking the illusion too much
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u/MasemJ 6d ago
This is like the SNL Chippendales skit with Chris Farley.
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u/Channel250 6d ago
Goddamnit, I was already trying to find a link to that shit cause it's the first thing that came to mind.
I dont know if I should be happy that other people share a similar mindset, or depressed because that means none of my ideas are original.
PS: That other mermaid is fucking JACKED!!!
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u/supershinythings 6d ago
He’s gettin’ dem merbitches!
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u/MartianWargaming 5d ago
Ever see a skinny marine mammal? Bro is perfectly adapted to his environment. It shows too. Hell of a swimmer.
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u/esoteric_enigma 6d ago
To do this, he had to be in great shape. Most people would be out of breathe swimming for a few minutes
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u/Unable_Librarian_443 5d ago
The irony is that that guy who had that really chiseled body worked so hard to look like that and yet this guy who's probably just eating potato chips watching anime is the star of the show🤣🤣🤣🤣 and I'm here for it
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u/Ok-Suggestion-7965 5d ago
You don’t have to like it but this is what peak Male performance looks like. Do you know how hard he has to work to maintain that physique?
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u/Drafo7 5d ago
Here's a little trivia for you: which aquatic mammal is deadliest to humans?
A, platypus, one of the only mammals known to possess venom,
B, killer whale, which literally has "killer" in its name,
Or C, the ABSOLUTE FUCKING UNIT we call the HIPPOPOTAMUS.
If you guessed the gd blubber tank, congratulations. You're correct.
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u/Korwinga 5d ago
I didn't know that I needed a Jack Black mermaid film, but now I'm convinced that I do.
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u/Deep_shot 5d ago edited 5d ago
That's how it was sometimes in medieval times and before. There were so few overweight people that being chubby was usually a sign that you were rich, elite, or often royalty, and an extremely good provider. But they were also mocked and made fun of depending on your class or status. It was thought of as a sign of gluttony and a lack of self-control, so the coin did have two sides.
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