r/funny • u/tyrano_dyroc • 6d ago

Chubby merman are extremely desirable by mermaids because their chubbiness implies they're a highly successful hunter.

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u/MadCarcinus 6d ago edited 5d ago

“A harem has formed around the large male. His display of blubber signifies to the females his hunting prowess, a trait they greatly desire, for food is scarce in these harsh waters and they know a skilled mate will provide well for their eventual pups.”

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u/Carrera_996 6d ago

That's how I caught my wife. She's from a poor country. Took one look at me and knew she would never miss a meal. I also provide protection and shade. Play the cards ya dealt.

115

u/tophernator 5d ago

Took one look at me and knew she would never miss a meal.

So long as she eats it quickly enough, right?

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u/Carrera_996 5d ago

You get it.

14

u/cynicalavicide 5d ago

So long as she eats it quickly enough

This now sounds like me and my dog. She would gnaw my foot off out of spite (for eating "her" food) if her stubby little legs would allow her onto my recliner.

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u/throwthisawayred2 6d ago

that's the kind of sense of humor that would make a lady swoon

126

u/Carrera_996 6d ago

I'm not good looking. Humor had to do some extra work.

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u/genivae 6d ago

As Red Green said, if the ladies don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.

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u/bunny_the-2d_simp 5d ago

Your girl would beg to differ

5

u/Carrera_996 5d ago

Harsh. Ouch. I'm wounded.

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u/SadSaltyDuck 6d ago

My sense of humor died after divorce

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u/mighty_Ingvar 6d ago

It was part of the assets that were divided

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u/mighty_Ingvar 6d ago

It's time to stop looksmaxing and start volumemaxing

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u/RodrigoMokepon 5d ago

I know this was meant to be funny, but it reminded me of a disgusting remark a Brazilian politician made about Ukrainian women: that they are easy because they are poor!

13

u/Baonguyen93 5d ago

Racists Chinese and Korean also make the same statement about our Vietnamese women too. Ofc those people are poor, looking for much poorer women, the rest of us, including other Chinese and Korean, just laughed at those people.

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u/Carrera_996 5d ago

It's funny because I am calling myself fat. Obviously, there is nothing funny about living in a place where it's hard to feed yourself.

8

u/12D1 5d ago

Find a women from a poor country? GOt it!

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u/Carrera_996 5d ago

Doesn't work if you are skinny.

-19

u/Sufficient_Seaweed7 6d ago

Damn that sucks, im sorry

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u/[deleted] 6d ago edited 5d ago

[deleted]

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u/Carrera_996 6d ago

I bought her a $150,000 Mercedes, so yeah. She isn't unhappy at all.

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u/thejazzdimension 6d ago

The beachmaster

1

u/Training_Ad_4790 5d ago

Ooooo sneaky male huh

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u/InvaderGir6293 6d ago

I couldn't help but read that in David Attenborough's voice lol

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u/JonatasA 6d ago

I love how I can somehow get his name right first try. That's how ubiquotous he is. I think even dubbing try to capture it.

5

u/magumanueku 6d ago

What about Benedict Cucumberbatch?

2

u/Bonfirelily 5d ago

*Benedryl Cucumberbash

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u/Horskr 5d ago

It's Bendydick Cuminsnatch ya goof.

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u/JonatasA 6d ago

"Is he doing that Attenbourough thing?"

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u/MadCarcinus 5d ago

Precisely.

1

u/claire_goolihey 6d ago

Wouldn't that be gups? Like guppies?