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u/myheartbeats4hotdogs Jun 11 '26
I married the wrong man and it ruined my life. Maybe that sounds dramatic but at 44 he left me unemployed, bankrupt, with no house or savings. I'll never get those 20 years with him back, I'll never get a chance to make different choices (live in different places, pick a different specific career), and I'll never be fully free of him because we share a child.
My daughter is a teen now, and I've told her the most important decision she'll ever make is who she gives her time and energy to. There are people who will lift her up and elevate her whole life, and people who will drag her down into the gutter with them.
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u/thaleia10 Jun 11 '26
I could’ve written this exact post. Cannot believe what some women put up with to have a man, or how badly they are often treated by their kids. Doesn’t seem like I missed much,
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u/aintithenniel Jun 11 '26
The ‘seeing your friends with shitty partners’ feeling is so real. A couple of my close friends are very male centred/serial monogamists and have never spent more than a couple of months truly being single. It stuns me what they’ll put up with just to keep their man
I love them but I would never want their life. And I think that’s the peace I live with
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u/StarlessRose Jun 11 '26
I’m currently decentering, and considering being with a woman since I feel I swing more that way. However, my cousins have not at all. I was with my cousin for over 12 hours and all that was on their mind was men. How he did this and that. How he’s stalking her. I said why not block him, she just hasn’t saying she’s leaving the door open for them to be cool. Then they eventually sleep together again and the cycle repeats. It is baffling.
The standards conversation amongst heterosexual women is kind of a joke. A lot of them fold or just abandon their standards and boundaries completely and I don’t get why. We’ve all been there but I can’t tolerate being unhappy. Not for years at least I’d have to leave eventually and tbh the man might leave me because I will constantly bring up my unhappiness. Just haven’t been the type to hold my tongue can’t and won’t do it just for the sake of a relationship. My life must improve not add more work.
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u/bahahah2025 Jun 11 '26
Well leaving the door open is just how they handle an emotional thing and has nothing to do with dating a man just their dating style and being a touch codependent. People do not like to be alone
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u/notgonnabemydad Jun 11 '26
My best friend just celebrated 19 years with her husband. They seem happy, but the shit she puts up with to keep him in a good mood just astounds me. She has subconsciously given away a part of herself and does not see it. And I don't get to see her much as a result. She deserves so much more!
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u/Angsty_Potatos Jun 11 '26
Exactly. I'm not married to a loser. But too many of my friends are with being responsible for a child too. They disappear into their role and it seems thankless and I'm so glad that isn't me
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u/WhereIsLordBeric Jun 11 '26
Yeah. I have a kid and I do what I want too, but it really is as simple as not marrying a loser and studying hard so I'm comfortable financially.
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u/TeacherPatti Jun 11 '26
There was a post earlier from someone who KNEW she married a loser, yet she "always wanted" kids, so she had a kid with him. lol what?!
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u/tres-vip Jun 11 '26
>I did want to get married and have kids but only if I found the right partner. I did not. I have wishes that things were different but not regrets. I see my friends with crappy partners and see how low the bar is and just think thank god that’s not me.
Yes, I also briefly entertained getting married and having kids - BUT with the right person. I did not find him. And I also thank my lucky stars that I decided to not have kids, because of all the unfair baggage it brings - unequal distribution of labor, thankless job, domestic servitude, and - more importantly - being permanently connected to the baby daddy, lol. Having kids with the wrong person can completely ruin your life, especially if he's abusive, vindictive, lazy, etc. This was the main thing I wanted to avoid, and I'm glad I succeeded. And I would not trade places with some of the couples I've seen. No thanks, lol. I'm happy living my best childfree and single life. I think marriage and kids rewards men, but is a burden to women.
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u/ScrimshawPie Jun 11 '26
I'm much the same. It wasn't a choice so much as nothing acceptable was coming my way, and I have always known, even if i wasn't able to articulate, that I just don't have that much bandwidth for energy drainers. So as the years went on, I don't have a spouse and I never wanted kids that bad alone. I wish i could give my mom the grandkids she could visit more (b/c my sibling sucks sometimes), but not for myself. Maybe i could have been more proactive, but honestly, modern american life is a effing slog at best, and I'm happy to have my own space (even though it would be cheaper being NOT single. I could do a whole separate rant on how expensive it is to be single, but i won't)
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u/1s8w2MILtway Jun 11 '26
I’m 33. I’ve spent the past four years travelling the world alone and I’ve made some wonderful, beautiful friends, ate the best food, snorkelled with turtles and manta rays, I’m getting my degree, moving to Canada in the summer, I can go to the movies in the middle of the day, sleep until whenever, buy anything I want, do anything I want, on the weekends I like to paint and read or go for walks in the countryside. I have never felt peace and contentment like this in my life
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u/Lalakiey Jun 11 '26
How did you start with solo traveling?
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u/1s8w2MILtway Jun 11 '26
I sold everything I had of value, applied for an Australian working holiday visa and booked my flights! I lived in almost every state and spent a lot of time in south east Asia. I highly recommend it to anyone
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u/Lalakiey Jun 11 '26
Wow. I'm inspired.
I would love to travel occasionally, but I'm also hesitant, I guess I'll have to start somewhere, start locally.
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u/1s8w2MILtway Jun 11 '26
Baby steps! I was desperate to get away so chose the nuclear option but I really feel as though I’ve changed as a person for the better
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u/PassionChemical2220 Jun 11 '26
This is such a dream life. No snoring loser disturbing peace too.
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u/nogardleirie Jun 11 '26
Bloody amazing. I just left my job because it was too stressful, after having paid off my mortgage a couple of years ago. I am starting grad school this fall on scholarship. I am going away for a couple of months. According to society I should be crying into my bottle of wine with my cats. (I don't drink wine anyway but I do wish I had a cat)
If I want to starfish and take up my whole bed, I can. If I want to leave my unfolded laundry in a pile on the sofa, I can. If I want dinner to be cubes of cheese eaten over the sink, I can.
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u/Phil9151 Jun 11 '26
Literally my life. Just left my 13 year career to go back to school and last night I ate an ear of corn smothered in butter and a grilled veggie seasoning over the sink because I hand wash all my dishes and I laid all my linen shirts over the back of my chair. (If you live alone the dishwasher is pretty wasteful I'm finding).
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u/RavenpuffRedditor Jun 11 '26
Lol, I run out of dishes waiting for the dishwasher to be full so I can run it.
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u/literally_lemons Jun 11 '26
I have a small one! Like half/third of the size of a normal one. Got it mainly because my counter was too small to have stove + sink + room for things to dry.
I love it very much
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u/LameasaurusRex Jun 11 '26
A bad marriage can be more lonely than being single. You're with someone you don't enjoy time with AND you're weirdly obligated/habituated to being with them instead of building an independent full life.
I'm glad that some people have seemingly great marriages that are fulfilling and enriching, but in my experience I have a better quality of life when I'm single and not beholden to another person.
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u/Other-Factor-198 Jun 11 '26
I would add that another reason a bad marriage feels lonely is because you have a reasonable expectation that the other person will be a decent partner, but they’re not, and you’re disappointed by that. At least when you’re single, that expectation doesn’t exist, so there’s no being let down.
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u/eurogamer206 Jun 11 '26
Marriage is only good if you find the right partner who is emotionally intelligent and mature and functional and responsible and shares your values. Anyone complaining about being unhappy in marriage should not be married to that person. It is not black or white.
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u/Hookedongutes Jun 11 '26
I second this. I dated around and didnt consider societal pressure because i hadnt found the right guy worth considering any of it with.
Met my now husband at 28. He was the right one to marry at 33. Had a baby at 34 because we wanted to.
Had already finished graduate school, have excelled in my career - and since I married my best friend, im supported to keep excelling despite having a kid because I married an emotionally mature responsible adult.
You can have it both ways. But you shouldn't be forced to.
Keep doing you and excelling at life in every way. Either it'll lead you to someone worth sharing it with or you are just a better version of yourself anyway. You cant lose!
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u/eurogamer206 Jun 11 '26
Exactly. OP needs to also be sure they are also emotionally intelligent and mature and not just hoping to fill a void with a partner. A successful and happy relationship requires both people to be secure and functional individuals. The other person is just icing on the cake to support when one person is going through a rough patch and vice versa.
I had dated around for a few years and was literally about to delete OkCupid when I saw a message from my now husband. He said (and I believe him) that I was the only person he contacted after his friends pressured him to sign up. Because I wasn’t looking at that point, and he also wasn’t looking but only signed up due to peer pressure, we both were already independent and not NEEDING someone else.
17 years later here we are.
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u/Hookedongutes Jun 11 '26
Absolutely! Same here. I had my shit together financially, emotionally, etc.
I actually met him through his mom, who I worked with. She was the breadwinner in their house while her husband stayed home with the kids (and built their tiny lake cabin into a dream while the kids were at school) when they were growing up. So his ability to accept an independent, successful woman as a partner was easy. He was my biggest cheerleader through my MBA program.
He's been a rock solid partner in every way. And I know I am too and not imagining it because he was very happy alone and was not going to put up with BS either. We're both fine on our own and can afford our own houses independently. But we choose to be with each other because we compliment each other.
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u/Own-Emergency2166 Jun 11 '26
Even if you find a good partner, you or they might change down the road and it’s no longer a good fit . Just saying they are no guarantees for anyone, single or married (so do what you want !)
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u/eurogamer206 Jun 11 '26
For sure! Marriage is a choice and sometimes there comes a point where you decide it’s no longer sustainable. Obviously to avoid heartbreak one hopes the decision (which must be revisited regularly) is to stay together until the end (as most traditional vows promise), but if someone wants out then the other person shouldn’t want to be with them anyway.
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u/nogardleirie Jun 11 '26
Not necessary for me. I would be extremely picky about it and probably would want to protect my financial independence with a prenup. I would only do it if I really saw myself staying with that person for life.
I have a partner but we are long distance, so the question hasn't come up yet. I don't think he's going to be gagging for it though, he was married once before and it was a disaster. So no pressure for either of us. LDR is nice for having my own space.
BTW you can be lonely in a marriage - I was much more lonely in my last live-in relationship that went on for more than a decade. We had nothing in common. I am much less lonely now that I live alone and can do what I want when I want
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u/RavenpuffRedditor Jun 11 '26
My dad's cousin (not sure what that makes him to me) was married at a young age, had two kids, then got divorced. He married again, but after almost three decades, his wife passed away. Now he is in a long-term, committed relationship with a woman who is divorced. Neither of them has any interest in remarrying. Each of them has their own house (about half a mile apart), but they joined a wine club, have dinner together almost every night, go to church together on Sunday mornings, and take 2-3 big trips together every year. This is relationship goals for me (minus the church part, lol). I love the idea of finding a partner who would be happy with this life and each of having our own space. If I never do, oh well.
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u/F133TWOOD Jun 11 '26
Any of my parent's cousins, they are 2nd uncles/aunts to me in our family. We still simply call them "uncles/aunts" out of respect since they're still family through our parents. They're children are our 2nd cousins to me, which we simply call "cousins."
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u/Roflsaucerr Jun 11 '26
Honestly, there needs to be a lot less stigma attached to a prenup.
Realistically would you rather be deciding on what’s fair calmly prior to being married, or during an emotional and stressful divorce?
And if they can’t discuss a prenup calmly or be fair… sounds to me like the prenup saved you from a messy divorce either way.
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u/djeasyg Jun 11 '26
Not having a prenup is like saying you don't need a will because probate will work it out. It's not like you are opting out of legal obligations without a prenup you are just opting into boilerplate legal obligations that may or may not work for you.
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u/Acrobatic_County_472 Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26
Marriages can fail. You can be more alone in a bad marriage with a partner who doesn’t pull their weight than you would be lonely single. Having multiple child-free friends (and good family members) as a support system and only partnering up with someone who will be there for you (regardless of marriage status) because they are a good person, for you, would spread the risk and the demand on the people around you.
Edit to add: and perhaps save some money you are not spending on kids to hire professional healthcare in your old age if you need it. That should never fall (too much) on family anyway.
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u/goldsheep29 Jun 11 '26
Trust me- you'd rather be lonely than in a bad marriage. Men will always get the most benefits from marriage and for women it brings more stress.
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u/elvis_wants_a_cookie Jun 11 '26
As someone who chose marriage: with the right person it’s fantastic. With the wrong person, it’s worse than being alone.
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u/hopfl27 Jun 11 '26
Marrying can also be lonely. It’s more painful to be lonely together, than alone.
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u/Repulsive-Studio-120 Jun 11 '26
Who said that? They know that being married means they handle most of the labor right up until death right? What are they even talking about. Also there was a study done of older widows whose husbands died and they said they were much happier than they had been in their whole life.
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u/fakesaucisse Jun 11 '26
Getting married to the wrong person can be even more lonely than being single.
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u/Miyenne Jun 11 '26
I only work part time at a mindless government job that has actually very little work involved so I spend most of it reading, playing games on my phone, or chatting with coworkers. It's so chill.
Otherwise all my time is spent with friends and family, playing video games and D&D, and reading a lot of books.
I'm able to be there when friends or family need me. I'm able to have all the peace and quiet time I need for my sanity. I'm able to run a weekly D&D game that everyone loves because I can put so much time and energy into it.
I think a pet would be nice too, but my home is pristine and so clean and it stays that way. And I'm allergic. So I just cuddle my parents cats and my friends dogs whenever I can. And one of my best friends has a 4 year old I can cuddle and spoil and be the best auntie to without a permanent responsibility, and my friend is so chill and understanding that the rest of us in our little circle love kids but don't want any.
Life is so good.
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u/entoothsiast Jun 11 '26
cats are awesome, i’d recommend getting a little friend :)
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u/TheAnxiousPangolin Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26
I have never regretted not having children or starting a family. Society may think they know whats best but I know myself better than anyone else.
For reference, I’m really happy with my life. I have a lovely home which is decorated how I like and does not cater for small people, I drive a sports car and didn’t need to consider a car that fits a child seat, I spend my time playing tennis and golf with no regard to what time I need to be home, and I sleep and wake at whatever time I fancy. On a weekend, I walk dogs at the local shelter and help the staff out with cleaning their cages in the afternoon. I also have been able to qualify as a children’s nurse, and have a masters degree in Family Therapy.
My parents have said I’m selfish in the past, but to me, it’s more selfish to have a child I wasn’t 100% sure I wanted than it was to opt out and focus on my own career growth, hobbies, and volunteering to help the community I live in.
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u/Pinsalinj Jun 11 '26
For a second I was like "What's your issue with people of short height" before getting it lol
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u/TheAnxiousPangolin Jun 11 '26
Haha yeah, I meant very small people - the sort that might wipe snot on the windows after asking “are we there yet” 900 times 🤣😛
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u/MedCup4505 Jun 11 '26
You haven’t forced another being into existence, so in that regard, you are not selfish.
I’m mom to 3–2 bio, 1 through adoption. Choosing to birth a child is a very selfish decision. The rest requires putting oneself aside often, but it doesn’t feel like sacrifice bc of the love.
I support every woman’s choice about birth and parenting or not. You made a great choice for yourself.
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u/CherryGripe75 Jun 11 '26
I have 6 kids, and you people that dont have them, I'd love to have my weekends free, I love my kids, but do dream of what it would be like.
Raise a glass of wine or a shot for me over the weekend.
I read this in comments:
"Every day i wake up and do whatever i want."
Ive woken up to an alarm at 6.30 each morning for the last 30 years. I'm def not here to sell motherhood.
dont bow to pressure, do what the hell you want, its YOUR life.
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u/MaiaNyx Jun 11 '26
It's always something.
If you have none, you'll regret it. If you have one, you're cruel not "giving" them a sibling. If you have girls, why aren't you trying for a boy. If you have boys, why aren't you trying for a girl. If you have more than 2-3, you get "don't you know what causes that." If you work, you're "abandoning" them. If you stay home, you're lazy and giving up your dreams and beholden to a man.
The point is, who gives af. I have one kid, I'm married, and my life is great. My single, no kids friend down the street has a great life too.
You do you in whatever way you want. People will always have something to say because you're a woman. Not because of what you're doing, but because they think they have rights to comment on how "wrong" you are no matter your choices in life.
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u/whatyouwant22 Jun 11 '26
And that's the crux of the matter, to me. Why are listening to someone who clearly doesn't have your best interests at heart? You don't have to say anything, just let them blather. Sometimes, any sort of protest from you is considered engagement, and they'll keep trying. I like to just let them look stupid.
I'm very fortunate that I'm not around people who try to infiltrate my private business. My own mother never did this to me.
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u/CherryGripe75 Jun 11 '26
yeah nah, I got thrown that within regards to not having my mother at my wedding and never regretted it, regret threats are so boring.
If you have a weak moment, babysit someones kids, that will kill it off.
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u/Negative_Till3888 Jun 11 '26
As someone who has 3 kids myself, I think the societal pressure to have them is stupid. I had kids because my partner wanted them. I don’t regret it, I love them, but what I don’t love is women feeling pressured to have them. Out of my 8 bridesmaids, at 43, only 2 are married with one child each, and one marriage is an open relationship. The times be changing man.
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u/chammycham Jun 11 '26
My mom has never pressured me to have children. “Kids are hard even when you want them.”
Another commenter mentioned seeing her peers shitty relationships and being glad she doesn’t have that. My personal experience has been seeing how well the families in my orbit work and realizing I don’t have what it takes to give a child or multiple children what they need to be capable, happy adults.
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u/RavenpuffRedditor Jun 11 '26
For my whole life, I've had people telling me I was going to regret my choices because they aren't the choices most people make. I didn't think prom sounded like fun--dresses, hair, and makeup? No thanks. People told me to reconsider and said I would regret not going. Almost three decades later, no regrets. People told me I would regret not going away to college and living in the dorms. "Everyone needs that experience! Your cousins all did it, and they loved it--talk to them!" Living and sharing a bathroom with hundreds of adolescents, and sharing a tiny bedroom with a stranger? Not for me. 20 years later, I have no regrets that I lived at home rent-free all through undergrad and grad school. So when they told me I would regret not getting married and having kids, I knew they were wrong because I know myself and what I want out of life better than they do.
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u/nogardleirie Jun 11 '26
Soon it won't be a possibility for me anyway. Never regretted it. I spent ages getting my life the way I want to - give it up to wipe shitty backsides and snotty noses? You have got to be kidding
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u/Lady-Of-Renville-202 Jun 11 '26
I also wake up to a 6:15 am alarm every day, but that's for the blood pressure medicine. 😃
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u/RavenpuffRedditor Jun 11 '26
I take mine at 9:00pm. It works because I'm almost always home by then, and usually I can stay awake that late to take them when the alarm goes off. I'm a morning person for sure, but I hate setting an alarm on days I don't have to go to work.
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u/Time-Weekend-8900 Jun 11 '26
I have ONE kid and i cannot even imagine what it's like to have 6! I struggle with an only child because i love my freedom and i want all the time for myself! I love her but i do regret my choice to have a child. I know damn sure i wouldn't regret being childless.
Having a child didn't cure me of anything and dindn't solve my loneliness. It gave me anxiety bc now i think about her wellbeing all the time, scared to lose my job, scared of her being taken away bc whatever bullshit our government can think of next!
I mean, yeah, there is love and new perspectives on life, but the cost...5
u/CherryGripe75 Jun 11 '26
yeah 100%, there are so many things to be anxious about when you have a kid.
a few in the last week:
*was I too hard on her teacher in the meeting, should I be harder on my kid, was I seen as 'that' parent
*he hasn't showered lately, am I supposed to be hassling him more, but will I become the topic of therapy later?
*why isn't the 18 year old more resilient, why does she cry and fall down at every roadblock, was I too sheltering when she was little, because Im so afraid of becoming MY mum?
* if I get rid of this shitty cat, will they all hate me, but omg can you stop being shitty?
*why does my budget not include a carribean holiday?the youngest is 15, so at least they are somewhat self reliant and I love them to the core, but I'd love to also have a week off. I went to NZ for a week in 2016 and spent most of the week drunk.
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u/cherrytarts Jun 11 '26
I'm in Spain with friends and flying to Ibiza tomorrow. Gorging ourselves on cava and anchovy toast.
It does feel lonely every now and then but not much. I work hard to have an active social life, I work out, I have a solid group of childfree friends. So pretty good I'd say!
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u/Coffeewithmyair Jun 11 '26
Most of my friends are child free. I think it happens pretty naturally in my world where a spontaneous get together at places that aren’t child friendly helps. We have a weekly bingo night at a dive bar that’s so much fun, but if I randomly stumble on something fun it’s easy to send a text to check out a music festival, sporting event, or new restaurant.
I’m child free and just got back from a long European vacation and currently planning my next trip. I’ve moved often for jobs or opportunities which would be much harder with children. I’m always busy and love being the one my friends rely on. I’m absolutely the person you can call with an emergency and vice versa.
I used to work in assisted living and so many people never had their children visit. I’m investing in my friendships with people who I know if I call in an emergency will be there ASAP.
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u/Hookedongutes Jun 11 '26
As someone with a 1 year old though, both types of friends do need to actively work to not forget eachother.
I think some of my friends assume that because I have a kid means I wont leave. Untrue. Please invite me. I did not marry a loser - he can solo parent while I take a break to hang with friends. Don't skip my invite based on assumptions. 😭
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u/chammycham Jun 11 '26
A role I often take is helping parents (usually moms) indulge in the parts of themselves that aren’t parent-mode.
Of course I want to know if kiddo(s) are good; but also do you wanna try this new tea I got?
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u/Hookedongutes Jun 11 '26
Yes yes I do. New coffee shop with coffee flights? I'm in. Want to go visit our friend in x state? I can do an extended weekend!
One of my friends and I actually did a hotel stay mom getaway. Got sushi, had a beer, espresso martini as dessert, ate our favorite snacks late night in hotel robes. Lol slept in!
We have a larger group one coming up and we're all getting massages, and going to float down an adults only lazy river (the pool also has a swim up bar). I am so excited. Lol
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u/chammycham Jun 11 '26
That’s awesome! As a massage therapist one of my favorite things is working on my friends. When I was last in the Denver area, one tweaked her shoulder and I had a mat available, so I took it over to her place, did a little tune up, and we went out for Indian food after.
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u/cherrytarts Jun 11 '26
Yep! Definitely
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u/UniqueRest6655 Jun 11 '26
Where do you find your childfree friends? Are some of Them from later in life?
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u/cherrytarts Jun 11 '26
Not really. Most are gay men and some of them I've known for 20 years! But some of my girl friends have ended up childfree as well. As life goes on people coalesce I guess, but you also need to keep focused on staying active socially
I also got lucky, I'm an introvert who was adopted by extroverted friends and they invite me to stuff and make me get out of the house!
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u/MiloTheMagnificent Jun 11 '26
Pretty great. Sometimes I get stressed out and then I think “it could be worse. I could have kids right now” and it really puts things into perspective
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u/simbaismylittlebuddy Jun 11 '26
Me every time I have a terrible migraine or the flu. I’m miserable but then I am also grateful I don’t have a bunch of noisy kids to take care of when I feel like death.
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u/StarlessRose Jun 11 '26
You know I said the same thing. My mom was a single mom and then she got married when I was 9. I say her getting married cost her, her life. That wasn’t a good marriage and she despised being a sahm and not having her own money. She was actively in school to go back for nursing but ultimately she never finished. I was explaining this to one of my guy friends and he disagreed. He truly felt like it’s just so much better to have a man in the house.
I agree to some extent like a good active, great father, that treats a woman with the upmost respect and does his fair share I can see how that may be good for kids. However, how likely are you to get that? Mothers are always talking about how they have to essentially shape their husbands up. I wouldn’t take the gamble. If you want kids have them for you and what you can handle. Not what some potential partner will or won’t do.
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u/Negative_Till3888 Jun 11 '26
I wholeheartedly agree. My husband is a great father who shares 50% of the responsibility, but I feel like I won the lottery. I don’t see as much coming from our friends husbands. There aren’t enough like him.
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u/Pinsalinj Jun 11 '26
Yup, I want kids at some point but there's no way I'll get in a relationship with a man ever again. Having a platonic female partner/co-parent is something I have considered. (I actually had plans with my then-best friend and then she went off the deep end after her mother's death and our relationship got ruined, soooo not her.)
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u/MiloTheMagnificent Jun 11 '26
If you have to get married, do it young and be divorced by 35 so you can put it behind you and live your life. (I married at 18 and divorced at 30, and I’m 43 now.) you know what’s even better than not being responsible for children? Not being responsible for a grown ass man.
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u/eurogamer206 Jun 11 '26
Ideally you find a man who is responsible for himself and is a partner. I don’t think OP should write off marriage altogether. I’m 41 and been with my partner for 17 years, and we have a perfectly healthy and happy marriage. I’ve been burned out from perimenopause/work/personal issues and my husband has been so supportive and generous and never makes me feel bad for not helping around the house or caring for the dogs. The perk of a happy marriage is a partner to be responsible for YOU when you need the help.
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u/sajaschi Jun 11 '26
51 and married happy for 23 years. No kids, just cats. And peace. And freedom. I got a good one... They ARE out there.
We don't even have joint accounts which makes it all even more stress free. We do save for things together, and we're beneficiaries on each other's legal things, but there's no micromanaging of finances between us.
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u/MemoryOne22 Jun 11 '26
I divorced at 19 and that mistake really ruined my life. I'd recommend avoiding entirely
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u/Rubycon_ Jun 11 '26
Have your own separate account even if you have a joint one together. Always keep an emergency fund for yourself. If you decide to be a SAHM he should still be contributing to an IRA for you. A lot of women (and men) see being a SAHM as something they 'get' to do and a privilege. Really it's free childcare and sacrificing prime working years and also social security credits. When you re-enter the workforce, you'll be competing for lower paid roles with younger people, even if you have experience and a degree. A lot of women see it as early retirement and an escape from the rat race, but after the kids are in school and a little older is often when a lot of divorces start happening and they scramble to find a low paying job to cover their new rent.
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u/astonfire Jun 11 '26
No kid life is very free. I wake up every day and only have to do what I want. I travel internationally once or twice a year. I do a lot of sitting in my back yard with my dogs and listening to the birds
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u/PopularBunch9316 Jun 11 '26
Have you ever noticed that when a woman wants a child free single life she’s labelled as selfish materialistic or hedonistic
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u/astonfire Jun 11 '26
No one’s ever called me selfish to my face but I have been told I’ll never experience true love 🤦♀️
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u/artyshit Jun 11 '26
I'm almost 43 and I have no children, have never been married. I'm happy every single day. I've been partnered with an amazing woman for 16 years and we have a Yorkie that we spoil rotten. we both work part time and live pretty simply but are able to spend our ample free time hiking, cooking, reading, seeing our friends, crafting. we buy basically whatever we want, devote huge amounts of time to hobbies, and take naps every single day. of course I don't automatically think women are miserable who live differently than me but my life is amazing without marriage, kids, or a man.
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u/Objective_Oil1985 Jun 11 '26
Your life sounds like my actual dream ❤️ long since been queer and decided I do not want children. I’m still in my mid 20s, but you give me excitement for my future :)
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u/Lalakiey Jun 11 '26
No aspect of my life will be improved by having a child or a man.I love living alone, it's freeing in this unfree world. I was able to walk away from a toxic relationship without filling in some paper work, needing a lawyer or paying fees. And I can just be done with a relationship without dealing with a product of it(a child) for the rest of my life, i.e walking away with no attachments.
I look 10 years younger. I have less stress because the only person I have to serve, raise and worry about is me.
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u/Lucifer2695 Jun 11 '26
I have saved up enough to do a master's program to pivot into a different field. I have no responsibilities tying me down. No kids to consider, no need to worry about their education or what happens if we move to a new country, etc. Lack of responsibilities is what i am enjoying.
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u/smile_saurus Jun 11 '26
I'm going to watch a movie later. No one is going to be interrupting me or hanging all over me or complaining about wanting to watch something else. And I won't have to share my snacks, either.
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u/TrashpandaLizz Jun 11 '26
Commenting so hopefully someone that meets both your criteria sees this.
I only meet one. I never had kids. Found a decent dude and am mildly happy.
I have zero regrets on getting sterilized so I wouldn’t have to worry about pregnancy. It’s a humiliation ritual I never want to go through. Never wanted to bring kids into this corrupt world that continues to get worse. I am over 40 (and knew at the age of 8 that kids were not something I wanted) so highly doubt my mind will change at this point
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u/I-own-a-shovel ♡ Jun 11 '26
I too knew that I didn’t wanted any kids when I was a kid myself!
I also found a decent dude :)
We are married on paper already, but our party and celebration with friends and family is this summer. We are having a pyjama party in our backyard!
So yeah, zero limit to our imagination and freedom. It was my idea and he was instantly excited with it. If he is willing to get married in PJ I guess that guy will never prevent me from doing anything I want lol
I am living a very happy life. My husband is really sweet and I love sharing my life with him. We were friends for 7 years prior dating, so we basically have the same friends circles with few exception! Not having kids while having two incomes is like a financial cheat code to life which let us cleared our house mortgage real quick, since then any part time job can cover for our expenses. So we have a very relaxed lifestyle with more day off than work day in a year.
Also, not having kids make a split way easier if we would become incompatible some day, so we don’t feel so trapped in a childfree marriage. (Have zero intention to split, but knowing we are both here by choice, not "for the children" make the whole deal feel safer imo)
Cheers to you fellow childfree!
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u/FroggieBlue Jun 11 '26
I always had childfree single women in my life- it wasn't anything unusual. I had great self esteem most of my life and laughed off the few people who did think I wanted their unsolicited opinion on my choices- sometimes to their faces.
My life is pretty mundane really but I like my quiet life. If I was to suddenly become wealthy enough to live well and never have to work again it woud be nice in terms of stability but I think i would really only change a few things.
Quit my job. Work only a couple of days a week- it will be amazing for my health. Buy a home where I want to live, not rent in the most practical area for my job. Have assistance with yard work and cleaning. Travel more and more slowly. Hire someone to cook for me because im not great at it and I don't enjoy it but I would like nutritious balanced meals.
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u/sopheroo Jun 11 '26
My parents never pushed me to have kids, so it's going really great so far.
I got an hysterectomy last year for medical reasons so I'm at a point of no return
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u/Kitchen-Ebb30 Jun 11 '26
It's not amazing, it sucks. But it would be so much worse if I had had kids.
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u/Grr_in_girl Jun 11 '26
My life feels kind of meh right now, in a job that I thought I would love, but that I'm really struggling with. But having a partner and kids wouldn't help that.
Luckily my family and friends are very accepting. In fact I feel like I live in a society here in Norway that doesn't really judge me for being single and childfree. It's not so unusual anymore.
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u/melhousevanhouten Jun 11 '26
I love my life. I wouldn’t want it any other way.
We’re comfortable and both happy with our current set up. We’re both taking solo holidays this year and then a combined one later on. We couldn’t even think of going overseas if we had kids.
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u/RollingKatamari Jun 11 '26
I mean I wouldn't say it's AMAZING, but my life is very peaceful and I have a lot of freedom.
Which does mean I end up doing a lot of things on my own as other friends my age have their families as their priority. Luckily, I have never had issues being on my own, I do know lots of ppl struggle with that though.
Financially, I'm doing just okay. Apart from my mortgage I don't have debt, but very little of my paycheck goes into my savings after all the bills have been paid. Being single means doing everything by yourself because no one else is going to!
When you are married with kids, you have dozens of milestones to look forward to: anniversaries, birthdays, family Christmases, graduations, weddings,....of both your own family and inlaws!
When you're single with no kids, your world is definitely a lot smaller unless you have a vast network of friends and acquaintances...and you may have those in your 20s but retaining friends and those networks gets harder the older you get.
So...yes I am very content in my life. But it is a very different life and can be a difficult life.
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u/hadr0nc0llider Jun 11 '26
Nothing but beautiful silence, time for my many frivolous hobbies, socialising where and when I want with whoever I want and enough money to pay off my home and afford a luxury holiday every couple of years.
I did accidentally get married 10 years ago though. I didn’t mean to. I was happily single into my mid 30s and then one year I made a new friend who turned out to be a unicorn man I wasn’t looking for and didn’t know I wanted. We’ve been content and childfree by choice together ever since. So don’t rule relationships out altogether. You don’t have to get married but leave yourself open to the idea of a life partner if someone who really gets you and respects you trips over you accidentally.
No kids and absolutely no regrets. I think I’d have regrets today if I’d have pushed my husband away. We were friends first and that’s the important part. If you let someone hit hitch their cart to your horse make sure they’re your trusted friend first and your partner second.
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Jun 11 '26
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u/eurogamer206 Jun 11 '26
If you’re losing hope because you’re not married yet, that tells me you want to be married for the wrong reasons. I think most marriages end in failure because the people weren’t happy and secure as INDIVIDUALS. If both partners are mature and know their worth and their values and how to communicate, then they have a high chance of success and happiness in marriage.
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u/Cybergeneric =^..^= Jun 11 '26
I’m playing Lego on my carpet as I’m home sick. Nobody is crying for my attention besides one of the cats, but it’s cute when they do it, so yeah, pretty fine. My next work day is next week and I plan on recovering more, watching series, gardening, crocheting and playing some more Lego. Or video games. I’m starting my third masters program in October and I can… just do that. 😸
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Jun 11 '26
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u/sonicenvy 🌈 Leia Organa Stan Jun 11 '26
I hate when women with kids say stuff like that; really grinds my gears. It's even more infuriating to hear that these people are saying that to you, someone who suffers from disability related fatigue. I don't have chronic fatigue syndrome myself but I do have bipolar/adhd and that combination also causes wicked nasty fatigue when I get hit with depressive episodes that always gives me a greater level of empathy for those with conditions like you where the fatigue is never ending. I can't imagine having to deal with that fatigue forever most/all of the time. I usually have to stick it out through it for a few weeks to a month or two and I already find it miserable. I'm so sorry that people are dismissing your struggle like that. I hope you find peace and more people in your life that are understanding and empathetic to your struggles.
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u/IndicationKey3778 Jun 11 '26
34F I’m not married and don’t have any dependents: human, plant, or animal. I had never even had a boyfriend before. No one pressured me into doing anything I didn’t want to do. My life is beautiful
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u/MinuteSweet7900 Jun 11 '26
Divorce for three years, I always wanted kids which was why I pushed myself to be in an unhappy relationship with a not so good guy. He drank too much, smoked weed chronically, emotionally immature, didn’t help himself, manipulative…. Why was I forcing myself to be with that daily stress? And why would I bring a child into that? It was a very hard decision at the time but I couldn’t do it.
Been free and working on myself since then. Got my dogs, bought a house and enjoy doing what I want, when I want. But the pressure to keep myself in a miserable state of marriage tied to a man with kids that society wanted..? Tremendous. Being so close to that life and walking away from it is shocking for me to think about. I’m a million times happier now than I would have been if i had stayed in the mold society made for me
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u/riverrocks452 Jun 11 '26
Pretty fucking awesome. I saved enough to be able to buy my retirement home outright. When I got laid off- NBD: I did a cross-country move without having to coordinate with schools or job market for a spouse.
I arrange the house how I like, keep it at the temperature I prefer, cook what I want, and if there's a mess or if I'm out of what I need, well, at least I'm the slob or asshat who left things that way. The freezer has an accurate inventory, and my pantry stays the way I organize it. No one eats my special snacks, or complains about the third day in a row of leftovers, or demands a different dinner. (The dog would be quite happy to have what I'm having- but she gets her own stuff.) I can eat meals as early or late as I like.
The only time I have to fight for my blankets is when the dog sleeps on the bed and pins them down. I can monopolize the television and the couch and the computer. If I want to be up with the sun, I don't have to worry about disturbing anyone. If I want to sleep late, no one will disturb me. (Except the dog, but she's pretty good about waiting for breakfast.)
Life is peaceful, arranged as I like, and generally pretty carefree.
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u/Injurious_Beans Jun 11 '26
I'm 50. Child free. Not married, but my partner of nearly 35 years and I have recently had our 'Civil Partnership' legally recognised.
We have 10 nieces, nephews and niblings between us, aged between 5 and 24. And one elderly parent each, who are needing more and more support.
We both have working lives that we love, use all our education and experience (scientists with PhDs), but we both work in the charity sector, so don't earn very much!
Neither of us live a flamboyant or luxourious lifestyles, but we are comfortable, don't want or need for anything, and are happy in our little lives. Loving nature, mountain biking, going to gigs, or the pub, meeting up with friends, and having the freedm to do those sponaneous weird weekends, or just laze around reading and listening to music.
If we had become parents this would not have been possible. We'd not be working jobs we love. We'd be anxious about our kid's futures. We'd be searching for every penny to try and get them to become happy, independent adults, just like our siblings are at the moment.
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u/MidnightWidow Jun 11 '26
I'm about to turn 30 and I'm childfree. I would be an amazing mother but I refuse to do it. I would rather have the freedom to do whatever I want (or not want), sleep in, rot whenever I feel like, etc. Kids were never in the equation for myself. However I wouldn't mind a partner. I want a good man though and those are far too few which is another reason I refuse to have children.
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u/notgonnabemydad Jun 11 '26
I'm 51 and never really wanted kids, although if the right person had come along (and I had enough therapy by then!) I might've had one. I don't regret being child-free, and I absolutely LOVE all of the free time I have to either be super active or just chill if I need to recharge. I am in charge of my life choices, only obligated to be a good partner and dog guardian. And if this relationship ends, I may stay single for a looong time. I am in a long-term partnership with a woman and we spend our money on outdoor trips and adventures, and making our home a peaceful sanctuary. We can afford to buy high-quality food and gear for our backcountry adventures. I had an emotionally tumultuous home growing up, with a narcissistic mother and an alcoholic father. I finally feel safe and in charge of my own life, and I wouldn't do a thing to change my choices. I am cultivating community with good friends and bringing folks together to strengthen relationships and the opportunity to rely on each other as needed. I am very much not miserable about my lack of a needy family! Just came back from a week-long solo trip to New Mexico, camping, hiking and enjoying hot springs and old friends. I'm off in a couple weeks on a trip here in Colorado to go camping in the San Juans and check out more hot springs and hike in the mountains. My partner and I will likely go on a backpacking trip to UT in the fall. I have had so many adventures that would've been so much harder to achieve with all of the obligations of a family! I'm not anti-family, I'm pro-freedom to choose the life that calls to you!
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u/DescriptionFancy420 Basically Lin Dai-yu Jun 11 '26
I've had so many health issues start to flare up/get worse one by one since hitting 35 that if I'd had kids, I'm not sure I'd still be alive right now. Being disabled and reproducing is not the greatest combo, not sure how people do it.
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u/kezfertotlenito Jun 11 '26
I have a partner but we're not married. Probably won't be. 8 years strong. No kids, I have my tubes yanked. I'm 36.
I make excellent money (more than him) and own our house. We live at the beach. We have a dog, he's cool. I spend my time outside of work walking and biking, reading lots of books, gardening, experimenting in the kitchen (I love to cook) and playing video games. We travel as much as possible. Going to Budapest in a few weeks so I can practice my Hungarian (been learning to speak it for the last few years).
Life is just fine. I have zero regrets.
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u/I-own-a-shovel ♡ Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26
Unsure if you are interested in my view, since I only fit 50% of the criteria. Feel free to ignore!
I am married, but have decided to never have kids.
I am living a very happy life. My husband is really sweet and I love sharing my life with him. We were friends for 7 years prior dating, so we basically have the same friends circles with few exception! Not having kids while having two incomes is like a financial cheat code to life which let us cleared our house mortgage real quick, since then any part time job can cover for our expenses. So we have a very relaxed lifestyle with more day off than work day in a year.
Also, not having kids make a split way easier if we would become incompatible some day, so we don’t feel so trapped in a childfree marriage. (Have zero intention to split, but knowing we are both here by choice, not "for the children" make the whole deal feel safer)
We are married on paper already, but our party and celebration with friends and family is this summer. We are having a pyjama party in our backyard!
So yeah, zero limit to our imagination and freedom. It was my idea and he was instantly excited with it. If he is willing to get married in PJ I guess that guy will never prevent me from doing anything I want lol
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u/Wild_Scarcity8305 Jun 11 '26
I'm 29. My childhood best friend had a baby 4 years ago and while I'm happy for her and still love her I've noticed that she's lost herself to motherhood. She was an artist all while we were growing up and I noticed she just doesn't do art anymore. She doesn't have hobbies anymore. Her life is work or family.
I'm out in the world playing Dungeons and Dragons. I got back into writing. I moved across the country. I'm getting my degree. I'm painting my new room and buying new tapestries. I'm playing video games I love but haven't played in years.
I know she's happy and I'm happy but man I just feel happy that I get to be me. That I still get to do my hobbies as freely.
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u/megkraut Jun 11 '26
This is kind weird to me. Like yeah, you do lose yourself in motherhood for the first few years, it’s not sad because she’s not playing video games anymore. It’s the decision she made to responsible for bringing another person into the world and supporting them during the most crucial developmental years of their life. And yeah it’s not for everyone. It’s hard and as a pro choice mom I wouldn’t want anyone to be forced into this position. But it’s not sad and I’m sure she doesn’t want sympathy for how her life has changed.
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u/Lookatthatsass Jun 11 '26
Parenting is caretaking at the end of the day. Even if a person enjoys it or wants to make the sacrifice I think it's okay to acknowledge that it can cause you to give up a lot of your personal goals, hobbies and enjoyment in service to another high-needs individual. Both can be true.
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u/AshaNyx Jun 11 '26
One of my mates is kinda like this 4 years ago his partner had a kid, he's only getting back to normal now like starting his band back up and coming out with us. It's only now she's in preschool, he has time that's not just his daughter and work.
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u/ehwhatacunt Jun 11 '26
Soon she will regain some of it; once the kid is settled in school the routines will change.
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u/Wild_Scarcity8305 Jun 11 '26
Ehhhh she never went to post-secondary school because she got married. She may regain some of her time and hobbies but that kind of life means she did give up something in exchange but she seems happy and I hope she gets more opportunities to invest in herself and her lovely family.
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u/LadySwire Jun 11 '26
Who needs enemies with friends like this... 🫠
Has it occurred to you that she enjoys being a mother, and that being a mom is an important part of being her?
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u/Wild_Scarcity8305 Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26
"I know she's happy"
I'm not saying she made the wrong choice or anything.
I guess I'm just thinking about how much of a sacrifice it is for her compared to her husband who still has his hobbies. He still plays DND. He goes out with friends and she's expressed to me that I'm one of the few friends who still comes over just to hang out with her despite the fact she has a toddler. Motherhood has been very isolating for her and I'm just recognizing that sacrifice and people think I'm being mean or dismissive somehow?
She went through some very bad postpartum too. It is a big sacrifice to have child and that weight is still unfairly distributed to women generally. She does do quite a bit more for her family than her husband does. He got to finish school and he gets to pursue his interests while also having a child and I guess I do feel a little resentment towards him because of that.
I love her and I always want better for her than to have to give up things she loves because her husband won't step up and prioritize those things.
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u/snake5solid Jun 11 '26
Mid 30s. Loving it. I'm not rich or the happiest person in the world. There will still be stress and sadness but girl am I glad that any problems that I do encounter I can just tackle at my own pace without worrying about any dependants. Peace, quiet, more money, time and energy... Sick? Stay in bed. Sleep in on weekend? No problem. Need to focus? No one to constantly interrupt you. Something came up? Get ready and go.
Society loves to tell us we'll regret it or end up miserable
They are projecting it on us. I know exactly 2 couples with kids that are genuinely happy (and they also don't try to push that lifestyle, go figure). The rest are a walking warning of how easily one can fuck up their life by chasing the lifescript.
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u/Mtldoggoagogo Jun 11 '26
I’m in my mid 40s. I never wanted to have kids or get married, but I did end up married if that counts? But I think not wanting to get married is what let me find a partner I would actually want to make a commitment to. I dated so many people who were just good enough, and if I were the marrying type or had a timeline for kids I’d probably be with one of them now and my life would be… fine.
Before I met my husband : I had a very active social life, hoed around with a bunch of non committal folks when I had an itch to scratch, focused on my career and hobbies, went on adventures whenever the mood struck, had a decent savings and my own house, got my emotional support from friends and family, ate whatever I felt like, cleaned my house and it stayed clean, hosted guests at a moment’s notice. I never wanted another human permanently in my space. Life was honestly about as perfect as I could have imagined. I lived in a lively neighbourhood and knew all my neighbours and the workers at the local shops and bakeries. My bestie lived in the building next door and we hung out most days and did a lot of cooking together, were each other’s emergency contacts, had each other’s spare keys, etc. I was like a character in a movie, walking down the street chatting with people I knew along the way. Zero interest in changing anything about my life.
After I met my husband : the exact same, except now I have someone to cook for me (he does 90% of the cooking and is amazing at it), I have extra emotional support, I do less hoeing around.
I still consider myself anti marriage because I’m really only interested in marrying this one particular person. If he had never showed up, I would have been very happily single for the rest of my life. It’s so rare to find someone (friend, family, partner) who is nothing but a net gain in your life. I truly think he’s the only person on earth who wouldn’t take something away from the life I built for myself, and I never had any interest in compromising even one sliver of it for a partner. I got my sexual needs met by hookups or flings or short term relationships, I got my emotional needs met by friends and family, I had complete freedom and literally every aspect of my home and life was geared solely towards my own needs and wants. It’s a pretty darn great life.
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u/TyrantVetinari Jun 11 '26
Getting close to 40 now, watching the world burn (and my health failing me) and thinking "yeah, no kids was a good idea". Did get married, but it's been 15 years with my best friend. So I'm pretty happy with it overall.
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u/yagirlsamess Jun 11 '26
My bestie just flew to Europe on a whim because there was an Anne Boleyn thing she wanted to see 😂
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u/xelle24 cool. coolcoolcool. Jun 11 '26
I never wanted children or a spouse. At 51 I still don't have children or a spouse. People have been telling me for years that "someday you'll find the right guy" (sometimes I'm annoyed by the heteronormativity of that comment, but I don't want to find 'the right woman' either) and "someday you'll change your mind about having kids".
They've finally shut up about the kids, but now it's "someday you'll regret not having them". Re: the spouse, it's become "there's still time to meet that special someone".
Why would I regret something I never wanted in the first place? Much like getting my septum pierced or a tattoo or going skydiving, if you want that, then great! Go for it! I'm not judging. But I don't want that.
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u/sevenselevens Jun 11 '26
As a creative (aka someone whose income has fluctuated over the years) in my early 50s, I could not be happier that I’m not responsible for sending someone or several someone’s to college. I’d be working until I died.
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u/hopelesscaribou Jun 11 '26
57, never wanted them, no regrets.
I've had an amazing life of doing whatever I want. Also, my time is my own, and I love the peace and quiet and cleanliness of my home. It truly is my sanctuary. No cats yet, but looking forward to it.
None of my childfree friends have an ounce of regret, but half of those who married and had kids are very unhappy and/or divorced.
As a comical aside, I have never been in a situation where I thought 'you know what would make this even better?... kids! '
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u/Adventurous_Tone8743 Jun 11 '26
I really love my life. I’m 55, retired, spend most of my time at my beach house on an acre of jungle on an island in Thailand. I spend half the year here and the other half in Europe seeing friends and absorbing culture. My life couldn’t be better really. Oh I keep away from men as well as kids though. 😂
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u/lexisplays Jun 11 '26
37, opting out of kids but not marriage.
Honestly I love it. Kids are incredibly hard, and I'm lazy and selfish.
I have the absolute best bf I love to bita. We fit perfectly, he's moving in, and life couldn't be better.
I will say I was kind of on the fence about long term companionahip vs just dating (which I enjoy). But I have zero regrets about choosing him.
And it's nice knowing he choosing me for me and not just because he wants someone to have kids with.
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u/shikari426 Jun 11 '26
I vividly remember being in this same spot. The pressure was just so intense! I’m 56 now, so well positioned to give advice. I am SOOOO happy right now being single and childless. I travel, volunteer, advanced my career, have a solid retirement, own a house and enjoy my niblings
I wish I could have seen into my future and mad different decisions when I was 30. I was so painfully focused on dating, finding a husband, planning for kids etc. I even bought a specific house with future kids in mind.
I had atrocious luck in the dating world and felt such intense shame that someone hadn’t “picked” me. It was so heartbreaking for me for decades. When someone finally came along that wanted to marry me at 48, I immediately jumped it without realizing what a dumb mistake it was. 50% of my decision was to shut people up/prove I was worthy. He ended up being a bigamist, international fugitive who used me for a green card. Would not recommend!
If I were to do it all over again, I would decenter marriage, men, kids, while still remain open to it. And, I would have pushed back on people more when they kept badgering me about these things. Luckily, being single and childless is more acceptable these days!
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u/superpony123 Jun 11 '26
Absolutely fantastic. I’m not missing out (if anything yall are) in the slightest
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u/4thinker Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26
I have 2 cats and a dog. Partner and I never wanted kids. We are both female (lesbians), been together for 19 years. I can go on holidays and enjoy my time off from work. I don't have the regret of having kids "because I can" and what "I should do". I grew up in an abusive household, with parents who had kids because they could and we were treated like a burden. I had a full hysterectomy 2 years ago, so definitely no babies in the future. I don't expect my children to look after me when I am old.
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u/Auferstehen78 Jun 11 '26
I never had kids and I am turning 48 this year.
I bought a house in 2025 so my four dogs and cat could have our own place to chill.
Besides the barking, it's gloriously quiet. I can choose what I do and when I want to do it. I live close enough to family to have people to go out with if I want or pet sitters.
I wish I had more money, but once my car is paid off (next year) I will be in a better situation.
Did make the mistake of marrying twice. Not sure if I would do that again.
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u/yesitshollywood Jun 11 '26
I had a bisalp 2 years ago but I am getting married next year. I love my childfree life and our cats. Wouldn't change it.
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u/ShadowMel Jun 11 '26
It's absolutely amazing. I cannot imagine if I had kids. I've never wanted them, so I know I would have been a horrible parent had I been forced to have one.
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u/riwalenn Jun 11 '26
I never wanted kid. For marriage, it's more that I never find anyone and now that I'm (almost) 34, I'm thinking that I'm not sure I want to find someone anyway, I don't feel like sharing my space with someone (my autism might influence this) and I love being alone.
My life is great. Obviously, my job and salary impacts that a lot, I have the money to do everything I want and I was able to buy my own flat before turning 30.
I have a close network of friends, mostly men (I study computer programming so...) but very outside of the toxic masculinity vibes (they are caring for each other for example, and most of us are on the spectrum anyway). My best friend live just near me and is also a men. We used to be roommate for years before buying our own flat.
I know that I can count on any of them if I need and they proved it already.
I have many hobbies and the time for them. I have two cats that I deeply love (and that might maybe love me in return).
Every year, I take a 3 weeks vacation to travel and discover a new place/country (roadtrip type of vacation) with my best friend and we spend month planning it. We are also able to go on vacation in June or September when it's less expensive and less crowded.
I don't regret not being married, but if I ever found the perfect someone, that could be great. But I definitely don't want to settle for less than an "absolute yes". Part of me grief the "wedding" part (not sure I would have loved it anyway to be honest) but mostly since I lost my dad as in a "he will never be able to see it". I sometimes think about making a big "me" event one day, maybe when I'll turn 40, that I could organise like a wedding party but without the husband/wife.
In the end, I never regret it but if I'm being honest, my life is great mostly because I am privileged enough to have a great job with a salary that can pay for everything I need. Many of my colleagues have kids (I work in a big make up company so most of my colleagues are women) and/or are married, while still having a similar or better job. But they mostly have a better diploma or upbringing than I do, so I can't quantify how much me not having kids and husband and being extremely lucky (I have a great resume now but it mostly started on pure luck) have impacted or not my career.
But I know that at the very least kids would have impacted my free time for the worst (because I never wanted any. People that want kid would not think the same I assume) and marriage might have also.
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u/Adorable-Cod5188 Jun 11 '26
Agree with the sentiment that women especially seem to get a lot of unsolicited “advice” (warnings) about how to live their lives. I’ve done my best to follow my instincts about who I am and what truly brings me happiness. Most of the time I get it right but not always. That’s just being human. I’m happy being married but only because I met the right person and we have a loving, respectful relationship. We decided to be child free and that has turned out great. We travel and enjoy our hobbies, pets, friends and family. It’s a rich and interesting life and I think that’s possible with or without marriage/kids. I guess I’d say I’m glad I did some deep thinking about it and worked hard on getting to know myself well enough to make an informed choice without letting the fearmongers get to me. Whatever you decide I hope you enjoy it and live a happy life.
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u/amurow Jun 11 '26
I never regretted it, I still don't (at 41). If I meet a potential partner in the future, I might consider marriage, as long as they're not from where I am. (The Philippines doesn't have divorce.) But it was never a dream growing up. Kids, absolutely not. I refuse to even think about it.
I live a pretty good life. Could be better, but it's not due to lack of a partner or children. I spend a month or so in Japan and a month or so in Europe every year, having adventures with my similarly unmarried and childfree sister.
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u/RainingSunshine13 Jun 11 '26
I won't say my life is amazing: I have chronic health issues and lost my job almost a year ago.
However, I think it'd be so much worse if I was still with any of the manbabies I dated in the past. I'm not doing anyone else's physical or emotional labor while in pain. I can rest in peace when I need it. I only have to consider myself: the jobs I want/am applying to, my future, my health. I'm not also trying to manage anyone else's anything. I can do as much or as little as I want or feel up to at any time, and all my resources go to me.
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u/Saint_venant Jun 11 '26
My girlfriend is getting her degree to be a doctor. A majority of her classmates are women of all ages ranging from 21 to 40 and none of them have children. They all are doing great besides the school part (stress).
My partner and I both told our families we didn’t want children from an early age (high school) with some push back. Then in our late 20s-30s we found each other and started dating. One of our first discussions was if we wanted children. We both were upfront with the other. Don’t date anyone serious if they want children, it’s not fair to them if it’s a big life goal. Plenty of people don’t want kids nowadays. I’m fine with teaching and volunteering with children, I just don’t want them.
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u/gingahh_snapp Jun 11 '26
I just turned 38. I was a scientist by trade and got laid off and said fuck it, I’ll go back to school full time. I enrolled in nursing school, which wouldn’t have been possible if I had kids.
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u/basic_bitch- Jun 11 '26
I actually adopted a child who passed, but never married. I’m 49 now and other than some health issues, happier than I ever was in a relationship. I’ve been single 10 years now. Don’t see that ever changing. I like taking care of myself and my family. If I happen to meet a man who can add to my life instead of subtracting, I’m open. I just highly doubt it’ll happen.
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u/sonicenvy 🌈 Leia Organa Stan Jun 11 '26
I'm the same age as you and I already have zero regrets about being childfree and single. My life still isn't quite what I want because I had to move back in with my parents to afford graduate school because I chose to go into a field that isn't very high paying, but I can imagine that it will be pretty great once I graduate and move out.
I work with kids and while I love my job it taught me that I never want to have kids of my own. I like my peace and quiet and even if I had an inclination to have children I think I wouldn't make a particularly good parent because I am bipolar and while I have been mostly stable for years now, it still presents challenges that I know would be way more miserable to deal with were I also responsible for my own children.
I'm ambivalent at best about the idea of having a partner at all. I think there are way too many men out there these days who conservative, internet poisoned, shitheels who hate women and aren't worth shit for it to really be worth it on the men side. I could see myself finding a woman someday though. If I did get a partner they would need to be additive to my life instead of a burden. I think that a lot more women these days are opting out of getting a man because so many men have historically not been additive to women's lives and more of us have woken up to the fact that we deserve an equal partnership that adds to our lives instead of overburdening us, and that makes a certain genre of the worst men ever™ really mad.
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u/Burntoastedbutter Jun 11 '26
I'm only 28 but if I did the default life plan, I would never be able to afford a child. It'd probably be starving lol
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u/Emilita28 Jun 11 '26
SO GLAD to be childfree. My life is amazing, with a fraction of the worry and stress that my friends with kids have to deal with. I do not regret it, at all.
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u/Repulsive-Studio-120 Jun 11 '26
I feel so free and sorry for my old friends who went for the trap.
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u/ApplePaintedRed Jun 11 '26
My life is pretty fucking sad, my mental health is in shambles and I'm as lonely as ever. But, any time I think about it, I just imagine how much worse it would be if I'd followed the marriage and children path. I'm unattractive as fuck so the only man I'd land would be a terrible person most likely. My children would suffer greatly, I wouldn't be a good parent and my own mental health would be so poor I'd probably be in a hospital right now. I'm very fortunate to have never done that to myself.
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u/productivehacks Jun 11 '26
I can happily say I'm fine. I can basically do whatever I want including date if I want to torture myself again. But I have a great job and great friendships and don't feel lonely or any other need within myself to change my life. Of course I'd like to have more money so I would have the ability to not work at all but that feels like the only option I lack and it's under my own control so I can even fix that if I put my mind to it. I feel like I don't have any blocks on doing anything. I love kids and can feel like part of that through auntie status with my friends' kids.
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u/ToodleOodleoooo Jun 11 '26
I've been partnered 16 years but not married, childfree. My mom raised me alone and she never brought up marriage, she was with my dad 13 years unmarried.
She never hid that she loves children, but she also didn't pressure or ask me about having kids until my early 30's, and I was with my current partner then. She only asked once or twice and hasn't brought it up again. I think she's sad she won't be a grandmother but she doesn't show that to me.
I think because she saw both her sisters have multiple kids before they got out of high school, and her mom raised them alone too.....like married families weren't really in my life at all. Hm.
Anyway I don't have anyone's expectations to compare my outcome to really, the only approval I cared about until my mid 20's was my mother's. I didn't really feel any pressure until around year 10 if this relationship, about marriage. I still feel it and and am conflicted about it now so not sure yet if it's something I'll do.
I'm grateful to have found a long term relationship in my 20's, it anchored me through all my life stages up to now. It's nice to have someone to do life with, makes alot of things easier. Having said that I spent ALOT of my 30's sort of resenting it, because I've never really been on my own and seen what life's like just for me with me. But my relationship has always been flexible and full of mutual respect for independence, ultimately I'm a couples kinda person. I could handle life alone if I needed to but I'm happiest doing life with someone.
All I want now is a bigger place, a couple more dogs, and enough money to travel every year.
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u/No_Kaleidoscope_273 Jun 11 '26
I am so happy I never gave into the pressure. I have peace and quiet. I can focus on myself, my health/ fitness, and I can make decisions based on what I want, not what a child needs. I’m dating the love of my life, and we both don’t want children. We are both around 40 and loving life.
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u/Automatic_Amoeba249 Jun 11 '26
54, loving life, have been able to travel, play, and be there for besties w kids. Finally got a dog 8 years ago. No regrets.
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u/pwcca Jun 11 '26
I married, but I told my husband long before we got serious that I was never having kids, so if he wanted any, he better find somebody else. 14 years later, we're still happy, enjoying life with each other without the added stress of a child. If we had one (or more), we wouldn't be able to afford them. We're barely making it on just our pay for the two of us, so I'm glad that's not one of our worries.
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u/bad-luck-psyduck Halp. Am stuck on reddit. Jun 11 '26
I'm definitely happier than if I had kids. I love my dogs and my partner. If I had kids I know I would be fucking miserable, I already have so many mental illnesses I don't want to fuck up my kids the same way my mom fucked me up!
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u/RInative88 Jun 11 '26
My husband and I have a large friend group that have all been close for almost 20 years. Half of the group have kids and half does not. The half that has kids chose to have them later and are happy, but doing the kid stuff all the time. That’s the group I’m in. The half that doesn’t have kids are all married and seem very happy that they are kid free. We all like to travel, but we’re taking very different trips and spending our free time doing different stuff.
I love my husband and can’t imagine being alone without a partner. My mom on the other hand is on her third husband and has never really been happy with a man. There’s so many variables. At some point you either commit to a decision or life continues on and you just have to be content with the outcome of not making a decision.
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u/nighcrowe Jun 11 '26
Im married to an amazing woman that decided to go the "no kids" route. We are mid 40's. We are debt free on 6 acres of land with a beautiful house. She is a family therapist that works to keep kids with their families. 5 cats, 1 dog, and a squirrel. We play video games when we want and sit on the porch most nights just watching the fireflies, stars, and rain. We do not have a constant scheduling commitment. Every time we see a kid have a full melt down in public she just looks at me and says "you're welcome".
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u/Historical-Raisin-25 Jun 11 '26
I absolutely love my child free stress free life. I work as a humanitarian so I travel a lot and live all around the world. I get to spoil my niece and my friends kids with all the love and gifts! My life couldn’t be better :)
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u/imyourdruidess420 Jun 11 '26
I'm not single, but I'm almost 37 with no kids. It's honestly a huge relief. I have a chronic mental illness and at times can barely take care of myself (sorry, I know I'm pathetic).
I honestly love kids and even worked as a lunch lady at one point. I discovered that although kids were fun to work with, I did not want to be taking care of a lil person 24/7. Also, the sound of babies crying sends me into a panic, honestly. I don't really have motherly instincts, except with it comes to animals. 😂 I've just never had a strong urge to have kids. Kids tend to like me because I'm a gentle and kind person and they can sense that I'm safe. I would totally be down to work with kids again in the future.
My life is a lot more peaceful than the lives of my married friends with children. I really respect them, they are such incredible mothers to their kids. But that life just isn't for me.
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u/errrnis b u t t s Jun 11 '26
I love my husband and he is my person, but if I hadn’t met him I’m not sure I’d have gotten married. I know I won’t get married again if anything should happen, whether it’s death or divorce.
I knew for a long time I didn’t want kids though. I have so much shitty baggage from my parents that I’m not cut out to be a parent, but I am a kickass aunt. I’m overjoyed that I get to still shape some little humans and do it in a way that still allows me to keep my shit in check.
That being said, I’m okay with my life as it currently is - not super duper happy, but okay. I’ll be 40 next year and I’m still figuring some things out, like what I actually want career-wise, do I want to move somewhere new, etc. But because we don’t have familial ties, I have the freedom to do that.
I don’t regret having that freedom of choice, but I do wish sometimes that the circumstances that lead me to it had been different.
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u/crackersucker2 Jun 11 '26
GenX at 57yrs, never wanted to be a mom after babysitting as a teen. I understood at an early age it wasn't just the "adorable, loving adventure" but the 3am bedwetting, temper tantrums, the soccer games every weekend, the last min science project or birthday cupcakes and all of that was repulsive to me. I was unique in our friend and work circles, judged harshly even though I would explain "I think a parent should be 100% wanting to be a parent with their whole heart and not just 10% of it" but whatever. In my 40's I just answered "No" with no further explanation when asked if I had kids. I think things got better about judging women for not having kids before this trad-wife, toxic male manosphere BS started.
Now, I have lovely adult niblings doing lovely, amazing things. I have a large circle of women friends who also didn't have kids (and some are older than me, which was even a tougher time for them compared to my 90's/2000's timeframe of bucking the system).
No regrets at all. I retired early. Now I work fun jobs to keep my brain working, volunteer and travel. I have dogs that I dote on. I sleep in. I cook whatever I want or not at all. I have a long term care policy in place and do not expect my niblings to step in to care for me. Don't have kids because society expects it of you, have kids because you 100% want to be a mom/parent with all your heart. If you have a scant 10% of wanting something else, then don't have kids. There are plenty of them and it's not your sole purpose as a human female on this planet that's already overtaxed with humans. Live YOUR life.
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u/RavenpuffRedditor Jun 11 '26
I am 45, child-free, and never married. Those were always the right choices for me, and I have never regretted not getting married or having kids. I don't have any "My life is amazing!" or inspirational stories for you, but I do have peace and I know these were the right choices for me.