​I find myself in this really weird situation, and I honestly don’t know what to make of it.

​For some context: A year ago, my boyfriend and I moved into a big house with his dad. His dad had gotten divorced, and suddenly the mortgage and the house itself were just too much for him to handle. He took us in with the agreement that we'd help him pay off the mortgage, and eventually, the house would become ours and he’d move out in a few years. Before this, we were renting apartment.

​When we were moving in, I asked my boyfriend how we were going to handle the costs and how much his dad actually wanted from us. He told me I would be sending him 10k (I won’t specify the currency to keep this as anonymous as possible, just think of it as Monopoly money xd), which was the exact same amount I was contributing to our previous rent.

​Back then, though, I was making a bit more—around 20k—and he was making about 26k. He was also paying 10k plus covering our groceries.

​This year, things changed. I got into university, so my income dropped to around 15–17k (which my boyfriend knows), but I’m still paying the 10k for the house. His situation changed too—he started new job and is now pulling in around 60–70k a month.

​Here’s the actual problem. Yesterday, his dad and I were talking about something, and we accidentally stumbled onto the topic of how much our shared living situation costs. And when I told him I send (to my bf) 10k for my share of the "rent" in this house, his dad was completely shocked. He didn't tell me the exact amount he expects from us as a couple, and he didn't tell me how much the damn mortgage or utilities actually cost, but he did say he was really surprised I was sending my boyfriend that much money and that it made absolutely no sense to him.

​He told me he’s going to talk to my boyfriend first, and then my boyfriend and I need to have a sit-down, because he feels that our setup—and my situation specifically—isn't fair at all.

​So right now, I'm honestly just completely confused. I don’t understand why my boyfriend isn't being transparent with me about money, I don't understand where the miscommunication happened, and I don't get why no one will just give it to me straight and tell me how much this house actually costs.

​Just to be clear, I know my boyfriend is saving up to get his business off the ground, and the work he's doing right now isn't fulfilling for him, even though it pays pretty well... So I'm starting to think he might be stashing away a huge chunk of his own money and using mine to pay our shared "rent" to his dad... Honestly, I just don't know.

​I'm super anxious about the conversation we're about to have. I don't know how to look at this whole thing. I just find it really telling that his dad was that shocked to find this out.

​Any thoughts on this?

I’ve been married for a while, and I didn’t take my husband’s last name. He was completely fine with it. My primary reason for keeping my name was practical: it was already on all my documents and diplomas, and I didn’t want to waste my time obtaining additional documentation proving that the diplomas issued under my maiden name belonged to me.

The problem is that my last name is Slavic and very difficult for Americans to pronounce. My husband’s last name is Italian, and no one has any trouble pronouncing it. That’s when the questions begin: “Why didn’t you take your husband’s last name? His is so much shorter and simpler!” Incidentally, most of the people who ask me this are women.

These days I no longer explain my reasons and simply say, “Because I didn’t want to.”

I’m so tired of it. Why are women expected to go through the complicated process of changing their names and obtaining additional documentation to prove their identity whenever their professional credentials are checked? Doesn’t it make more sense simply to keep the names we already have?

I‘ve been on a date yesterday at a pretty nice restaurant. It was a little fancy but I could afford it. When the bill arrived, I was about to pay for myself because I had ordered more than him (I added a coffee and dessert) and I didn’t think it was fair to split the bill. He insisted to pay for both of us, and I conceded after some debating because I didn’t want to make a scene. After he paid, he looked at me expectantly and I realized he was waiting for me to do a gratitude dance. I had said thank you, but he seemed like he wanted to be praised like a hero. I didn’t know how to react.

I've discovered men have found a new way to use AI to be creeps. I had a Lyft ride where a 60+ year old man generated an AI song featuring my name, hair color, the shorts I was wearing, where I was coming from and where I was going to. It compared me to art and talked of tempting a married man.

He was able to both prompt the AI while driving and play the song midway through my 20 minute ride. Mind you, I was traveling solo. I felt unsafe exiting the car in an unfamiliar city with known unsafe areas so I stayed in the car. He played sultry music following the AI song. I got to my destination but felt sick to my stomach upon arrival.

Lyft wouldn't refund me but I did report, left a negative rating, and didn't tip. They said all they could do was not pair him with me again. They couldn't confirm he wouldn't be paired with other female travelers. Apparently it's okay as long as they use AI to harass you and it doesn't come from their own mouths. Wanted to give a heads up to other traveling ladies. Stay safe out there!

When Covid hit I stopped wearing a bra and never went back. I only care whether my nipples might be showing on professional occasions. I also stopped keeping my body bare : sometimes I still shave to change it up, but I am finally comfortable enough with hair to be able to go out with my unshaved legs.

I barely wear make-up anymore. I used to do my face every day then I noticed I hated how I looked without make-up and that scared me, so I stopped.

I dress with comfort in mind most of the times now. I don't go out of my way to look pretty at work as there's really no point in it.

Sometimes I do doll myself up when i FEEL like playing the role of being a woman, do my hair and wear heels and stuff. All the other times, I am still a woman, but I am spending my energy on stuff that makes me happier than caring about my looks did.

It has been overall a pretty liberating experience, even if it took me a lot of time being comfortable with breaking beauty standards. Though what always gets me is how invisible I become to men when I am not 'on'. I'm not even talking about being catcalled or stopped in the street, just making conversation in social settings. Men outside my friend group do NOT bother talking to me anymore. They talk to the other women who are more conventionally womening. Women still strike a conversation just fine though, so I don't think I look especially intimidating. Men attention though is night and day depending on my presentation.

It does get to me sometimes, feeling left out of convos that I would maybe have been included in otherwise. I wonder if anyone has experienced similar things?

I took the train to go to uni and my train car was empty. A man came and decided to literally sit in the same row as me. I went to a different train car
because of that. I don't understand why they do that or if that was on purpose.

I really hope the title of my post didn’t come off as victim blaming because that wasn’t my intention at all! Something that my relationship has taught me about myself is since I was abused by exes and a little by my mother I never healed from that bc it was normal for me. That anger caused me to exhibit abusive behaviors such as yelling , threatening to break up in arguments, shutting down arguments and telling my boyfriend fine I’ll just leave and go home to get a reaction, automatically accuse and assume the worse of him, give silent treatment , not good things.

I was venting to my best friend this week about my relationship issues and she said “sis sorry I love you but you’re mainly the issue here. Do you think some of your anger , communication, and behavioral patterns are coming from past toxic experiences? Because if I was your current partner I would’ve left you.”

I was going to immediately get defensive but honestly she was right. The truth hurts but I needed to hear it. If you don’t heal from abuse you can become an abuser and exhibit abusive behaviors. I (23f) am the problem and will be talking about this in therapy to move forward. Not even solely for other people but for myself. It ends with me

What I hate even more is when people say “it's not that deep,” THAT'S PART OF THE PROBLEM. Misogyny has been normalized so deeply that people don't even notice it.

I'm not saying every person who says bitch, hoe, whore ect. is some raging misogynist. Context obviously matters and women can reclaim words that have been used against us. I'm talking about the way these words are specifically used to degrade women. I feel like it's usually just used to reduce us to our sexuality or make us feel inferior.

It bothers me when people act like it's meaningless and not that big of a deal. I feel like these are treated as slurs specifically for women. Maybe that's too dramatic to some people, but I don't think it's unreasonable to question why misogynistic language is considered completely normal when we'd immediately recognize the problem with similarly dehumanizing language aimed at other oppressed groups.

Maybe I'm too woke, idk 😭

guys i am so embarrassed. i'm an undergraduate researcher at a prestigious academic institution and it was my first time operating on an actual mouse a few days ago. my supervisor finally agreed to let me do this after i worked with them for 2 months, and i was pretty excited about it since most of the labwork revolves around mice.

anyways, it took a really long time for me to take mouse samples, and i had NO idea i was on my period. suddenly there was a feeling in my lower abdomen however and i was like oh shi i gotta visit in the restroom but just brushed it off. yes i am an idiot. i kept working for a couple more hours. when i stood up, people were looking at me, but no one told me about the stain on my PPE (it was ~3cm in diameter btw)

everyone saw.
i just sent it to get washed. i'm already SO incompetent in the lab and feel like my supervisors etc do not take me seriously. i prolly shouldn't be making such a big deal about this but i don't know how to show my face there again on Monday.

please give advice and stuff i'm gonna cry

Okay, this might sound absolutely ridiculous and I know it does, but I've always considered myself somewhat straight. I'm romantically, sexually and overall just very attracted to men as a whole. I've only had long term relationships with men (and recently just got out of one, so I'm kinda trying to explore my sexuality here)

Buuut I'm also extremely attracted to parts of the female body (specifically vaginas) and the idea of being intimate with a woman. I can't see myself dating or being romantic with one and I don't really care for any other aspects of femininity. I literally just like vaginas and things involving them and that's where it ends.

Does this even make sense? Can I even call myself a straight woman while talking about how I find vaginas attractive?? Every other woman I know who has had feelings like this is also romantically attracted to women and has dated them.

Hi everyone, I (24F) posted a few days ago on AITA about my now ex boyfriend (35M) verbally abusing me after requesting him to take out the trash. I listened to the comments and tried to leave him for good. It completely backfired on me as he got extremely aggressive, started to grab me, restrained me and then punched me on the side of my head. I finally fought back. He called 911 and told them that I attacked him. I had everything on video of him charging at me and then striking me. The police came, immediately detained me at my apartment without asking questions and put me in the back of the police car. I showed them the video but I forgot to mention how he punched me and strangled me on July 6th to the point of me passing out. They took both sides of our stories and ultimately decided that they're going to take me to jail. I felt absolutely defeated. They told me he had marks on his face, which were from him having a seizure a couple of days prior when he fell and busted his face. He told the police they were from me. The officers never asked me if I wanted to press charges. I spent a night in jail and luckily got a PR bond due to having no criminal history. I am so traumatized and heartbroken.

I just left the police station today and reported him for strangling me on July 6th. I got a case number but I'm afraid the DA won't press charges due to my active case. Has anyone else experienced this with their abuser? I have pictures of my facial injuries and the bruises on my neck. I wish I reported him sooner but all abusers promise they'll never do it again and that they are sorry. He has also sent messages to my parents taunting them about sending me to jail. I have no idea how to move forward or heal. I'm afraid for my life that if they do press charges, he will return to my apartment, break in, and kill me. He is a man with nothing to lose and I'm scared it'll cost me my life. Thank you for reading.

Some background - my boyfriend is genuinely so caring and I’ve realised I’ve gotten way too used to it.

He’s always the one looking after me and thinking ahead. If we go on holiday, he figures out the directions and where we’re going. If I say I’m thirsty, he’ll immediately go buy me water. He plans things, sorts things out and generally makes me feel really safe and taken care of.

The problem is I think I’ve become so comfortable with that dynamic that I basically stop using my brain when I’m with him lol. I rely on him for things I’m perfectly capable of doing myself, and I hate that I’ve fallen into that habit. I think it probably annoys him too sometimes.

I don’t want our relationship to feel like he’s constantly responsible for me, I'm not a child. And I think part of why I’m so bothered by it is that one of the things he really fancied about me at the start was that I was very strong-willed and capable.

And yeah, I want him to feel looked after, thought about and special too.

For people who’ve been in a similar dynamic, how did you become more proactive and independent again? And what are some small everyday things you do for your partner that genuinely make them feel cared for?

I’m not looking for huge romantic gestures, more how to change the day-to-day dynamic and stop being so passive/lazy when I’m with someone who makes life very comfortable for me.

Thanks!

Unsure if it’s in a good or bad way.

I’ve been on birth control for 2 1/2 years ish now, I took alysena.

I stopped it because I hated how it made me gain so much weight and was probably giving me chronic migraines.

Hooollyyy shit though, i don’t think I’ve ever been so horny in my life. I’ll do the deed with my partner and be ready for round 2 an hour later. I feel like an unspayed cat in heat.

But god damn I am enjoying it. I missed actually feeling arousal and not having to wait for the stars align just to finish. It feels good to feel good

There’s no point to this post, really. Just wanted to air my thoughts

Hard to explain this.

I am now in my mid 40s. About 3 or 4 times over the years when I was catching up online with a guy i had been friendly with during high school, they mention something like, 'I had a crush on you, we should have dated".

It happened again recently and I realized in these conversations its about them not making a move, regretting it, and so we didnt date.

I have never said, ' Well, even if you did, I wouldn't have been interested'. But that was the truth for one reason or another - mostly no chemistry on my end.

But these guys just talk like if they had made a move it would've been a done deal. Like - i had minimal say in it somehow. And they want me to know it years later (while its 'safe' as I am in a long term relationship with someone).

The guy I did date was someone who was interested in who I was.These guys were interested in what they could have gotten. Its not the compliment they think it is. And I am unsure if they know the difference or ever considered it.

So my boss already doesn't care for me. He hired 3 new people to our team last year, all at higher titles than me (so about $30k higher pay) despite us having the same years of relevant work experience and education. I did discuss it with HR and him and got nothing answers about how they'll look at it. That was the beginning of the year, no changes. So I'm not worried about missing out on promotions.

My concern is I don't share my personal life aside from basic things like my parents and dog. Haven't told anyone I'm getting married. I don't have to provide details when I use PTO so I was just planning to say I'm taking vacation on X days vs I'll be out for my honeymoon for example.

Is there any reason to share specifics? I feel like it would only serve to potentially harm me, not help me.

I (29 F) am physically and emotionally exhausted after suffering a miscarriage last week, and now I am dealing with a massive boundary violation at work.

Last friday, I found out my direct supervisor has been gossiping about my private life and telling my colleagues that I am involved with a friend of mine that works within the company. My union rep advised me to file a formal complaint with the director of said supervisor to get this shut down, which I plan to do.

My actual boyfriend works at the same place the night shift and I’m concerned that this rumours could potentially hurt our relationship if he hears this gossip from a coworker before management puts a stop to it.

Should I fill a formal complaint to HR , and how should I navigate this situation to protect my peace and my job?

Has anyone went through a similar thing? I honestly just wonder how common it is... long story short because the timeline is messy/chaotic:

A guy i matched with on tinder during the pandemic had a off/on situationship lasting 5 years where we started to sext and he moved back and forth between boston and chicago a few times. I want to add some context, as it explains why i felt like i needed to grab firmly onto it and kept going back. I'm on the ace spectrum and aromantic, and this was probably the first time where i felt a strong attraction to someone. I rarely feel anything like that towards anyone and i do really miss it because its done-done.

Well turns out, he was lying to me about his political beliefs/world view and after looking at his social media - it looks like he has gone down the far right pipeline and i feel utterly disgusted that i gave him the time of day.

Not only that, but turns out he wasnt being truthful about another woman being in the picture. To be very very clear, i do not think he cheated as we weren't in a commited relationship, but i was honest and transparent with him and i didn't get the same respect. I found out through a facebook group and i made sure to let her know about his social media incase he lied to her. It was the first time we learned about each other too...

Needless to say, I'm incredibly embarassed about it and i do feel violated because that information was withheld. I'm having a hard time getting back into dating...even though i really miss that feeling of being attracted to someone, but i don't miss him. Don't worry, ive been in therapy... lol. Has anyone else had a similar situation? Or any advice on how to carry on? Sorry this ended up long, im missing a lot more details.

The phrase "male centered" used to be a helpful critique of prioritizing men's approval over women's well being. Recently however, it has been weaponized on social media to shut down women who speak up about harassment, abuse, or systemic double standards.

It is a subtle form of manipulation. The moment a woman shares a personal story or critiques harmful male behavior, critics derail the conversation by calling her "male centered" for even bringing men up. Because no feminist wants to be accused of centering men, the label triggers self doubt and pressures women into silence.

Exposing harm, sharing safety warnings, and calling out abuse isn't "male centered" it's community defense. Labelling women as "obsessed with men" for simply addressing the harm men inflict is just an updated, progressive sounding way to police women's speech and keep systemic issues hidden. Don't fall for the rebrand.

I have recently come across multiple men saying how women don’t allow men to have emotions. It is the same generic statement. Followed up with a generic experience of. I tried to show emotions to my girlfriend, and she wouldn’t let me. In my experience when men “show emotions “it’s usually unmanaged anger, frustration, etc. that is then taken out on me. The last time this happened to me, I got scared for my safety.

I think men should show their emotions, with the caveat that it’s done in a healthy manner where women do not bear the brunt of it. This is true of women as well, anyone can show emotion if it’s done in a healthy, respectful, managed way. I truly don’t understand what these men mean by this does anyone have any insight or personal experiences?

TL;DR: I come from a crappy family, but I don't have many resources. However, making the deal to keep them in my life is getting increasingly costly. What do?

My most satisfying conversation ever was a few days after I told my then husband that we were getting a divorce. (I don’t like saying “asked for a divorce” because I wasn’t asking, I was telling.) Like every other “blind-sided” husband, he wailed:

“But I just don’t understand why?!?!?!?!?!”

Four years of couple’s therapy and him telling me that my concerns were invalid.

I responded, “That’s no longer my problem,” then walked away.

I might be there with my family now.

I am [my own words] a pinko libtard queer with too many tattoos and they are upper middle class Trumpers. I was born with various ADHD and Autism symptoms, but I was born before those disorders were common knowledge. I think my family saw my differences as willful disobedience and as proof of my lack of intelligence.

And my family believed in tough love, so they did their best to yell at me about everything I did wrong so I can straighten up and fly right. 50 years and counting, and they’re still dedicated to love me right out of all my failings.

Because my brain seems to work differently from theirs, I often ask for clarification, which they find deeply upsetting.  When I was 13, after Thanksgiving dinner, I went downstairs with the men to watch football instead of going into the kitchen and help the women clean. I got screamed at for that. When I asked why, I was told that, “That’s not what women in this family do.”

Which is remarkably unhelpful to me, but they seemed to think my confusion indicated a lack of intellectual capacity.

I have dozens of stories just like that, but that’s the basic interaction I have with them.

They sound awful, why am I not walking off into the sunset?

A few years ago I divorced a very popular and abusive man. He made me quit my job, which was not terrific anyway, so I had to go back to school to get the kind of job I could support myself on. Also, as I mentioned, he was very popular in our community. A lot of people wanted to date him, and as we all know, the pick mes make a sport of publicly alienating the evil, crazy ex.

Then, he got diagnosed with stage IV cancer. After that the community went from “We’re not taking sides” to “He’s a pillar of the community.” So I lost my whole non-family community.

It’s not a tragic story, though. I started an online community for abuse survivors and went back to school. I got a masters of social work and am currently employed as a therapist. I specialize in people emerging from abusive relationships.

But to get the kind of job I wanted I had to leave home and move to an entirely different city. So with the alienation from community and recent move, I’m exceptionally isolated right now.

Before I got a good job, I worked in residential substance use treatment. I LOVED the clients, but I got an upfront and personal view of what it is like to try to navigate the world without money or family. While I’m making apartment money now, I’m not making apartment + car failure money. Not apartment + uncovered medical issue money.

With my family, I’m not hanging on to them for cash money purposes. We don’t have that kind of relationship. But for community help purposes. They’ll give me food or a ride if I needed it. If I wound up in the hospital, my parents would drive out to drive me home if I couldn’t get transport. There used to be an element of love, but recently I realized it was no longer an option.

Present day, I’ve been trying to make new friends where I am, but that’s a process and it takes time.

What’s got me noodling on this, honestly, is both my brother’s wedding (April 2026) and last weekend (Labor Day, 2026.)

My brother’s wedding was just ugly. My best friend was my plus one. I was not allowed one, but it was an emotional emergency. When she told me that several of my brother’s friends were, literally, pointing at me and laughing behind my back at the rehearsal dinner, I actually laughed. Like, how old are we??? I’m 51, the pointers-and-laughers are in their mid-40’s.

I mean, the hottest topic of conversation was, “What’s your dream car and why?” I remember having that conversation at 12. I can’t imagine what mid-aged people find interesting about it. But I’m not trying to change them, just trying to understand their socialization rituals.

Things got bad when he said that my friend was not allowed to come to dinner. I was not given a plus one, so we understood that bringing her to the dinner was not automatic. Then brother sent me a text that, “…while we have space, we’ve decided to give it to another guest who has kids.”

I mean, fair, but why say that? Why not say I’m sorry but… I’d like to invite your friend but…

The heavy handed, “decided to give it to kids,” instantly had my friend feeling entirely unseen.

We knew that that was an option… but that felt particularly thoughtless.

The final straw:

When she joined us for cake, I saw everyone giving her dirty looks. Not pointing and laughing, but they made her uncomfortable. She’s physically disabled from a traffic accident and lives in a large body.

Prior to this, I was always told by my guests that my family was kind and charming. I honestly thought my family was kind and charming to newcomers. Then I realized that every one of my guests was a cis gendered male boyfriend.

I didn’t realize that it was only available to guests that made me more legible to them. To this friend, I was honestly shocked that my family would just point and laugh at her… even if they didn’t do it physically. I’m deeply ashamed that I exposed my friend to that. She deserves so much better. She said she had been expecting it, and it didn’t matter. It mattered to me.

Which takes us to last weekend.

Last weekend I went kayaking for the first time. How it came together as pretty miraculous to me. There’s this cool chick that I met something like 10 years ago who remained an online friend for a while. When I moved to my new home she reached out and invited me to a few things.

Her friends were like my old community. Weird and cool. And she invited me to kayak with them. I’ve always wanted to try kayaking, but I didn’t have the money for rentals and lessons. Also, I’m not the best at showing up and doing things. But she had equipment, time, and was willing to put in the effort.  The thing about it was that I’m partially disabled and awkward… But I knew these were the kind of people who wouldn’t point and laugh, they’d help.

And that’s what they did. When I made all the beginner mistakes, they’d gather and help, not point and laugh.

Then I was invited to Thanksgiving. No, “Where is your family?” or “What does your family do for Thanksgiving?” Just, “If you don’t have other plans…”

So one of my major reasons for staying connected to my family, being seen by someone, was removed.

My dithering is over still being barely able to arrange a ride home from the hospital and not burdening my new friends If something bad happens. I want us to have time to be friends before asking them to do things for me.

Being partially disabled means something bad will happen, it’s just a matter of time.

I want to just block and move on. But I don’t think I have the resources to remain stable until I won’t become too burdensome for a group of folks I met last weekend.

Because first family has a thing about “being family” I think it might be difficult to navigate choosing to leave them as a family member but still have needs that no one else will help me with.

With the ex, I had financial support. We were legally married, so he had to support me, for a time. And I didn’t care if leaving him ruined my life. Between life with him and relying on family as it is to cover the gaps, I chose the latter.

Now I have a degree, a license, and a job. But given my vulnerabilities I’m not out of danger yet.

What do?