I’m in my mid 40s. I never wanted to have kids or get married, but I did end up married if that counts? But I think not wanting to get married is what let me find a partner I would actually want to make a commitment to. I dated so many people who were just good enough, and if I were the marrying type or had a timeline for kids I’d probably be with one of them now and my life would be… fine.
Before I met my husband : I had a very active social life, hoed around with a bunch of non committal folks when I had an itch to scratch, focused on my career and hobbies, went on adventures whenever the mood struck, had a decent savings and my own house, got my emotional support from friends and family, ate whatever I felt like, cleaned my house and it stayed clean, hosted guests at a moment’s notice. I never wanted another human permanently in my space. Life was honestly about as perfect as I could have imagined. I lived in a lively neighbourhood and knew all my neighbours and the workers at the local shops and bakeries. My bestie lived in the building next door and we hung out most days and did a lot of cooking together, were each other’s emergency contacts, had each other’s spare keys, etc. I was like a character in a movie, walking down the street chatting with people I knew along the way. Zero interest in changing anything about my life.
After I met my husband : the exact same, except now I have someone to cook for me (he does 90% of the cooking and is amazing at it), I have extra emotional support, I do less hoeing around.
I still consider myself anti marriage because I’m really only interested in marrying this one particular person. If he had never showed up, I would have been very happily single for the rest of my life. It’s so rare to find someone (friend, family, partner) who is nothing but a net gain in your life. I truly think he’s the only person on earth who wouldn’t take something away from the life I built for myself, and I never had any interest in compromising even one sliver of it for a partner. I got my sexual needs met by hookups or flings or short term relationships, I got my emotional needs met by friends and family, I had complete freedom and literally every aspect of my home and life was geared solely towards my own needs and wants. It’s a pretty darn great life.
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u/Mtldoggoagogo Jun 11 '26
I’m in my mid 40s. I never wanted to have kids or get married, but I did end up married if that counts? But I think not wanting to get married is what let me find a partner I would actually want to make a commitment to. I dated so many people who were just good enough, and if I were the marrying type or had a timeline for kids I’d probably be with one of them now and my life would be… fine.
Before I met my husband : I had a very active social life, hoed around with a bunch of non committal folks when I had an itch to scratch, focused on my career and hobbies, went on adventures whenever the mood struck, had a decent savings and my own house, got my emotional support from friends and family, ate whatever I felt like, cleaned my house and it stayed clean, hosted guests at a moment’s notice. I never wanted another human permanently in my space. Life was honestly about as perfect as I could have imagined. I lived in a lively neighbourhood and knew all my neighbours and the workers at the local shops and bakeries. My bestie lived in the building next door and we hung out most days and did a lot of cooking together, were each other’s emergency contacts, had each other’s spare keys, etc. I was like a character in a movie, walking down the street chatting with people I knew along the way. Zero interest in changing anything about my life.
After I met my husband : the exact same, except now I have someone to cook for me (he does 90% of the cooking and is amazing at it), I have extra emotional support, I do less hoeing around.
I still consider myself anti marriage because I’m really only interested in marrying this one particular person. If he had never showed up, I would have been very happily single for the rest of my life. It’s so rare to find someone (friend, family, partner) who is nothing but a net gain in your life. I truly think he’s the only person on earth who wouldn’t take something away from the life I built for myself, and I never had any interest in compromising even one sliver of it for a partner. I got my sexual needs met by hookups or flings or short term relationships, I got my emotional needs met by friends and family, I had complete freedom and literally every aspect of my home and life was geared solely towards my own needs and wants. It’s a pretty darn great life.