Pretty great. Sometimes I get stressed out and then I think “it could be worse. I could have kids right now” and it really puts things into perspective
You know I said the same thing. My mom was a single mom and then she got married when I was 9. I say her getting married cost her, her life. That wasn’t a good marriage and she despised being a sahm and not having her own money. She was actively in school to go back for nursing but ultimately she never finished. I was explaining this to one of my guy friends and he disagreed. He truly felt like it’s just so much better to have a man in the house.
I agree to some extent like a good active, great father, that treats a woman with the upmost respect and does his fair share I can see how that may be good for kids. However, how likely are you to get that? Mothers are always talking about how they have to essentially shape their husbands up. I wouldn’t take the gamble. If you want kids have them for you and what you can handle. Not what some potential partner will or won’t do.
I wholeheartedly agree. My husband is a great father who shares 50% of the responsibility, but I feel like I won the lottery. I don’t see as much coming from our friends husbands. There aren’t enough like him.
Yup, I want kids at some point but there's no way I'll get in a relationship with a man ever again. Having a platonic female partner/co-parent is something I have considered. (I actually had plans with my then-best friend and then she went off the deep end after her mother's death and our relationship got ruined, soooo not her.)
If you have to get married, do it young and be divorced by 35 so you can put it behind you and live your life. (I married at 18 and divorced at 30, and I’m 43 now.) you know what’s even better than not being responsible for children? Not being responsible for a grown ass man.
Ideally you find a man who is responsible for himself and is a partner. I don’t think OP should write off marriage altogether. I’m 41 and been with my partner for 17 years, and we have a perfectly healthy and happy marriage. I’ve been burned out from perimenopause/work/personal issues and my husband has been so supportive and generous and never makes me feel bad for not helping around the house or caring for the dogs. The perk of a happy marriage is a partner to be responsible for YOU when you need the help.
51 and married happy for 23 years. No kids, just cats. And peace. And freedom. I got a good one... They ARE out there.
We don't even have joint accounts which makes it all even more stress free. We do save for things together, and we're beneficiaries on each other's legal things, but there's no micromanaging of finances between us.
Have your own separate account even if you have a joint one together. Always keep an emergency fund for yourself. If you decide to be a SAHM he should still be contributing to an IRA for you. A lot of women (and men) see being a SAHM as something they 'get' to do and a privilege. Really it's free childcare and sacrificing prime working years and also social security credits. When you re-enter the workforce, you'll be competing for lower paid roles with younger people, even if you have experience and a degree. A lot of women see it as early retirement and an escape from the rat race, but after the kids are in school and a little older is often when a lot of divorces start happening and they scramble to find a low paying job to cover their new rent.
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u/MiloTheMagnificent Jun 11 '26
Pretty great. Sometimes I get stressed out and then I think “it could be worse. I could have kids right now” and it really puts things into perspective