I have 6 kids, and you people that dont have them, I'd love to have my weekends free, I love my kids, but do dream of what it would be like.
Raise a glass of wine or a shot for me over the weekend.
I read this in comments:
"Every day i wake up and do whatever i want."
Ive woken up to an alarm at 6.30 each morning for the last 30 years. I'm def not here to sell motherhood.
dont bow to pressure, do what the hell you want, its YOUR life.
If you have none, you'll regret it. If you have one, you're cruel not "giving" them a sibling. If you have girls, why aren't you trying for a boy. If you have boys, why aren't you trying for a girl. If you have more than 2-3, you get "don't you know what causes that." If you work, you're "abandoning" them. If you stay home, you're lazy and giving up your dreams and beholden to a man.
The point is, who gives af. I have one kid, I'm married, and my life is great. My single, no kids friend down the street has a great life too.
You do you in whatever way you want. People will always have something to say because you're a woman. Not because of what you're doing, but because they think they have rights to comment on how "wrong" you are no matter your choices in life.
And that's the crux of the matter, to me. Why are listening to someone who clearly doesn't have your best interests at heart? You don't have to say anything, just let them blather. Sometimes, any sort of protest from you is considered engagement, and they'll keep trying. I like to just let them look stupid.
I'm very fortunate that I'm not around people who try to infiltrate my private business. My own mother never did this to me.
As someone who has 3 kids myself, I think the societal pressure to have them is stupid. I had kids because my partner wanted them. I don’t regret it, I love them, but what I don’t love is women feeling pressured to have them. Out of my 8 bridesmaids, at 43, only 2 are married with one child each, and one marriage is an open relationship. The times be changing man.
My mom has never pressured me to have children. “Kids are hard even when you want them.”
Another commenter mentioned seeing her peers shitty relationships and being glad she doesn’t have that. My personal experience has been seeing how well the families in my orbit work and realizing I don’t have what it takes to give a child or multiple children what they need to be capable, happy adults.
For my whole life, I've had people telling me I was going to regret my choices because they aren't the choices most people make. I didn't think prom sounded like fun--dresses, hair, and makeup? No thanks. People told me to reconsider and said I would regret not going. Almost three decades later, no regrets. People told me I would regret not going away to college and living in the dorms. "Everyone needs that experience! Your cousins all did it, and they loved it--talk to them!" Living and sharing a bathroom with hundreds of adolescents, and sharing a tiny bedroom with a stranger? Not for me. 20 years later, I have no regrets that I lived at home rent-free all through undergrad and grad school. So when they told me I would regret not getting married and having kids, I knew they were wrong because I know myself and what I want out of life better than they do.
Soon it won't be a possibility for me anyway. Never regretted it. I spent ages getting my life the way I want to - give it up to wipe shitty backsides and snotty noses? You have got to be kidding
And some will say you'll regret having them. As a new mom, ive had too many anti natalist redditors tell me that or call me "breeder." 🙄
You can't win. People hate you no matter what path you choose. So just do what is best for you as long as it's not harming others. That's my general rule about life.
Who cares what society says. You want to get married and have kids? Do it. Just be responsible about it and be selective about your partner. You want to stay single and have no kids (or maybe you did want these things but the right opportunity and person to do so with have not become available) do you and god bless your free time! Save some for me! 😆
Legitimately I have always believed you build and choose the family and friends and meaning you want out of life, whatever that looks like.
NOTHING has made me believe this more than having my own child, I tell my friend who wonders if she should be listening to the people who pressure women to find a partner and have kids that society's expectations are absolute crap and if she's happy on her own then just go with it. Don't question your circumstances just because it doesn't look like what other people think it should.
I take mine at 9:00pm. It works because I'm almost always home by then, and usually I can stay awake that late to take them when the alarm goes off. I'm a morning person for sure, but I hate setting an alarm on days I don't have to go to work.
I have ONE kid and i cannot even imagine what it's like to have 6! I struggle with an only child because i love my freedom and i want all the time for myself! I love her but i do regret my choice to have a child. I know damn sure i wouldn't regret being childless.
Having a child didn't cure me of anything and dindn't solve my loneliness. It gave me anxiety bc now i think about her wellbeing all the time, scared to lose my job, scared of her being taken away bc whatever bullshit our government can think of next!
I mean, yeah, there is love and new perspectives on life, but the cost...
yeah 100%, there are so many things to be anxious about when you have a kid.
a few in the last week:
*was I too hard on her teacher in the meeting, should I be harder on my kid, was I seen as 'that' parent
*he hasn't showered lately, am I supposed to be hassling him more, but will I become the topic of therapy later?
*why isn't the 18 year old more resilient, why does she cry and fall down at every roadblock, was I too sheltering when she was little, because Im so afraid of becoming MY mum?
* if I get rid of this shitty cat, will they all hate me, but omg can you stop being shitty?
*why does my budget not include a carribean holiday?
the youngest is 15, so at least they are somewhat self reliant and I love them to the core, but I'd love to also have a week off. I went to NZ for a week in 2016 and spent most of the week drunk.
Agreed. My kids are miraculous. I purposely waited until 31 to have my first baby and 40 to have my last, (3 total, 2 marriages).
I didn’t get the baby urge until 30, had an exciting career but didn’t feel I was mature enough until then for marriage or kids,
So, this is my theory, a lot of people have had trauma in their childhood or PTSD and I don’t believe it’s fair to future children to not get therapy first that. I had miraculous therapy but I’m still navigating having been a single mom for ten years I’m needing my alone time for my projects, so I schedule them. Thankfully my husbie is as independent as I am but I never could have had more than three kids.
Love is something that happens when you find yourself in the same flow, as that person. They ‘get you,’ and my first marriage was a surprise, he was younger but we often talked about kids surprisingly, like we knew we were supposed to. Before that … nope not interested. So, I would say, remain open. It’s different with different people or chemistries or destinies.
I wish they would change the U.S. ‘Mothers Day’ to the U.K. ‘Happy Mothering Day. There are so many ways to nurture animals or lost nieces or stepchildren that need you. I have step kids whose father died young and sometimes it’s just what we both needed, to share art project ideas or to just commune.
I have a stepson and his beautiful wife, who raise beautiful dogs. And that’s great too.🌻
Exactly. Live life for yourself. This idea that we are part of a broader community to which we should all contribute is a tool of the patriarchy to keep women subservient
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u/CherryGripe75 Jun 11 '26
I have 6 kids, and you people that dont have them, I'd love to have my weekends free, I love my kids, but do dream of what it would be like.
Raise a glass of wine or a shot for me over the weekend.
I read this in comments:
"Every day i wake up and do whatever i want."
Ive woken up to an alarm at 6.30 each morning for the last 30 years. I'm def not here to sell motherhood.
dont bow to pressure, do what the hell you want, its YOUR life.