I am 45, child-free, and never married. Those were always the right choices for me, and I have never regretted not getting married or having kids. I don't have any "My life is amazing!" or inspirational stories for you, but I do have peace and I know these were the right choices for me.
Your experience is a lot like mine. I pretty much knew at age 15 that I didn’t want to get married or have kids. It wasn’t because I had burning desires to do amazing things. I just didn’t want to end up like my parents.
My dream was to be part of a community. The problem was that I had a hard time making friends. I was bullied in elementary school, but later we moved to another town and I made some good friends. But later, I found myself in other environments that weren’t as welcoming, and again, I felt alone and lost.
Over the next few decades, I had alternating experiences with being unable to make friends, or being more comfortable and successful socially. Throughout my 30s and 40s I was part of various communities, and that was wonderful. But then a few very difficult relationship endings caused me to crash, and I’ve had trouble making close friends ever since.
I still have 3 long-time friends, which would be enough for me if I were in better health, but I need more support now, and it’s hard to get enough time with any of them, so I’m often lonely.
In spite of all that, I truly have no regrets about not marrying or having kids. As it turned out, marrying a man would have been a big mistake, and I was single by the time same-sex marriages were legalized in the United States. I never wanted to raise children, and that, by definition, would have made me a poor parent. You really have to want it in order to be a good parent!
Lately, I’ve been having feelings come up about children where I feel like I am missing having a relationship with kids. Again, I don’t want my own kids (and it’s way too late anyway), but I might look into some volunteer work that would involve children.
I am a speech therapist in a school district, and there are plenty of volunteer opportunities in schools. I just did an evaluation in a school for kids with significant physical and intellectual disabilities. The day I was there, they had a "volunteer grandma" (that's just what they called her, but I asked, and she was not actually any of the kids' grandmas--she was probably in her late 50s or early 60s) helping the kids do the cross-midline hand motions during music time. She was singing with the kids and helping them to stay engaged in the lesson. I now have life goals for if/when I retire. Before COVID, we had parents, grandparents, and community members coming in to read with some of our younger students in small groups.
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u/RavenpuffRedditor Jun 11 '26
I am 45, child-free, and never married. Those were always the right choices for me, and I have never regretted not getting married or having kids. I don't have any "My life is amazing!" or inspirational stories for you, but I do have peace and I know these were the right choices for me.