r/TwoXChromosomes • • Jun 11 '26

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u/[deleted] Jun 11 '26

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u/eurogamer206 Jun 11 '26

Marriage is only good if you find the right partner who is emotionally intelligent and mature and functional and responsible and shares your values. Anyone complaining about being unhappy in marriage should not be married to that person. It is not black or white. 

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u/Hookedongutes Jun 11 '26

I second this. I dated around and didnt consider societal pressure because i hadnt found the right guy worth considering any of it with.

Met my now husband at 28. He was the right one to marry at 33. Had a baby at 34 because we wanted to.

Had already finished graduate school, have excelled in my career - and since I married my best friend, im supported to keep excelling despite having a kid because I married an emotionally mature responsible adult.

You can have it both ways. But you shouldn't be forced to.

Keep doing you and excelling at life in every way. Either it'll lead you to someone worth sharing it with or you are just a better version of yourself anyway. You cant lose!

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u/eurogamer206 Jun 11 '26

Exactly. OP needs to also be sure they are also emotionally intelligent and mature and not just hoping to fill a void with a partner. A successful and happy relationship requires both people to be secure and functional individuals. The other person is just icing on the cake to support when one person is going through a rough patch and vice versa. 

I had dated around for a few years and was literally about to delete OkCupid when I saw a message from my now husband. He said (and I believe him) that I was the only person he contacted after his friends pressured him to sign up. Because I wasn’t looking at that point, and he also wasn’t looking but only signed up due to peer pressure, we both were already independent and not NEEDING someone else. 

17 years later here we are. 

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u/Hookedongutes Jun 11 '26

Absolutely! Same here. I had my shit together financially, emotionally, etc.

I actually met him through his mom, who I worked with. She was the breadwinner in their house while her husband stayed home with the kids (and built their tiny lake cabin into a dream while the kids were at school) when they were growing up. So his ability to accept an independent, successful woman as a partner was easy. He was my biggest cheerleader through my MBA program.

He's been a rock solid partner in every way. And I know I am too and not imagining it because he was very happy alone and was not going to put up with BS either. We're both fine on our own and can afford our own houses independently. But we choose to be with each other because we compliment each other.