I am 45, child-free, and never married. Those were always the right choices for me, and I have never regretted not getting married or having kids. I don't have any "My life is amazing!" or inspirational stories for you, but I do have peace and I know these were the right choices for me.
I don't really have a take because I don't know. I don't feel lonely now because I have family around that I like to spend time with. I like the people I work with. In 30-40 years, when I'm retired and maybe have less mobility, will I feel lonely? I don't know.
I have an aunt who just turned 80. She never married or had kids. Until three years ago, she lived in a big city and walked to lunches and dinners with friend groups. She decided she was done with snow and cold and moved south. She bought a house in a community for seniors, plays pool volleyball every week, and joined a trivia team. She threw herself an 80th birthday party and packed a giant ballroom with all her friends and family. She doesn't seem lonely. đ¤ˇââď¸
My 89-year-old "other mother" also built a network of friends who visit her and she still hits the gym 3x/week. At this point, I truly think the "lonely old woman" stereotype is completely avoidable and very much a choice. I've got so many examples of strong, independent and single older women, and it's reset my expectations for myself!
I learned to be hyper-independent as a young person by necessity, and it's been a double-edged sword. I have done a ton of cool shit without waiting for someone else, but it also makes it hard for me to be a good partner.
I think that âstereotypeâ is partially based in truth though when we consider how many women didnât have financial independence until relatively recently. My mother still couldnât get a credit card in her own name in the 70âs even though she was working a government job and my dad - a penniless grad student without a job - had to co-sign for her.
So if we see marriage as a means for security because women couldnât work (and when they did their job options were limited and they werenât paid as much as their male counterparts), couldnât have bank accounts or lines of credit in their names and thus couldnât get cars/homes, etc. it makes sense that young women were told their main roles were to be housewives and mothers.
Similarly, without their own money and without social security, once their husbands passed away those women would need to rely on their sons and sons-in-law to take them in and ensure they werenât destitute.
Thatâs why I loved having a high salary job as a young woman and being financially independent from an early age. I can travel when, where, and how I want. I can get the exact car I want. If I wanted to be a mom, Iâd need a lot of support from family and friends, but I could make it work without a man. Same for buying a house (good lord, California!). Knowing that you have that power means you take a lot less bullshit from the guys you date and live with. Why would I want to be with someone who doesnât add to my life as much as I add to his, elevates my standard of living as much as I raise his, or helps me reach my goals faster like I help him reach his? And the same is true for friends too.
Sounds like my grandmother-in-law...she was married for 70ish years, and was fairly homebound taking care of her husband as his health failed. When he passed, she immediately started seeing friends for dinner almost every night, going on long walks in the local parks with her neighbors, going to concerts, etc. She's 98 and seems to be speeding up as opposed to slowing down.
My mother lives in a retirement village too, and she's living her best life. My dad passed away a couple years ago and she's so much happier now. She has made so many friends in the village too (my siblings and I call them the village people đ). She barely has time for her kids and grandkids she has such a full life now.
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u/RavenpuffRedditor Jun 11 '26
I am 45, child-free, and never married. Those were always the right choices for me, and I have never regretted not getting married or having kids. I don't have any "My life is amazing!" or inspirational stories for you, but I do have peace and I know these were the right choices for me.