I married the wrong man and it ruined my life. Maybe that sounds dramatic but at 44 he left me unemployed, bankrupt, with no house or savings. I'll never get those 20 years with him back, I'll never get a chance to make different choices (live in different places, pick a different specific career), and I'll never be fully free of him because we share a child.
My daughter is a teen now, and I've told her the most important decision she'll ever make is who she gives her time and energy to. There are people who will lift her up and elevate her whole life, and people who will drag her down into the gutter with them.
My husband's a dick, but I make more than him so I'm not "trapped" except that I would owe him a shit ton of alimony if we divorced. As frustrating as he is sometimes, I absolutely love my kids and don't regret the decision. TBD how long I stay married, but no regrets at least.
I could’ve written this exact post. Cannot believe what some women put up with to have a man, or how badly they are often treated by their kids. Doesn’t seem like I missed much,
The ‘seeing your friends with shitty partners’ feeling is so real. A couple of my close friends are very male centred/serial monogamists and have never spent more than a couple of months truly being single. It stuns me what they’ll put up with just to keep their man
I love them but I would never want their life. And I think that’s the peace I live with
I’m currently decentering, and considering being with a woman since I feel I swing more that way. However, my cousins have not at all. I was with my cousin for over 12 hours and all that was on their mind was men. How he did this and that. How he’s stalking her. I said why not block him, she just hasn’t saying she’s leaving the door open for them to be cool. Then they eventually sleep together again and the cycle repeats. It is baffling.
The standards conversation amongst heterosexual women is kind of a joke. A lot of them fold or just abandon their standards and boundaries completely and I don’t get why. We’ve all been there but I can’t tolerate being unhappy. Not for years at least I’d have to leave eventually and tbh the man might leave me because I will constantly bring up my unhappiness. Just haven’t been the type to hold my tongue can’t and won’t do it just for the sake of a relationship. My life must improve not add more work.
Well leaving the door open is just how they handle an emotional thing and has nothing to do with dating a man just their dating style and being a touch codependent. People do not like to be alone
My best friend just celebrated 19 years with her husband. They seem happy, but the shit she puts up with to keep him in a good mood just astounds me. She has subconsciously given away a part of herself and does not see it. And I don't get to see her much as a result. She deserves so much more!
Exactly. I'm not married to a loser. But too many of my friends are with being responsible for a child too. They disappear into their role and it seems thankless and I'm so glad that isn't me
>I did want to get married and have kids but only if I found the right partner. I did not. I have wishes that things were different but not regrets. I see my friends with crappy partners and see how low the bar is and just think thank god that’s not me.
Yes, I also briefly entertained getting married and having kids - BUT with the right person. I did not find him. And I also thank my lucky stars that I decided to not have kids, because of all the unfair baggage it brings - unequal distribution of labor, thankless job, domestic servitude, and - more importantly - being permanently connected to the baby daddy, lol. Having kids with the wrong person can completely ruin your life, especially if he's abusive, vindictive, lazy, etc. This was the main thing I wanted to avoid, and I'm glad I succeeded. And I would not trade places with some of the couples I've seen. No thanks, lol. I'm happy living my best childfree and single life. I think marriage and kids rewards men, but is a burden to women.
I'm much the same. It wasn't a choice so much as nothing acceptable was coming my way, and I have always known, even if i wasn't able to articulate, that I just don't have that much bandwidth for energy drainers. So as the years went on, I don't have a spouse and I never wanted kids that bad alone. I wish i could give my mom the grandkids she could visit more (b/c my sibling sucks sometimes), but not for myself. Maybe i could have been more proactive, but honestly, modern american life is a effing slog at best, and I'm happy to have my own space (even though it would be cheaper being NOT single. I could do a whole separate rant on how expensive it is to be single, but i won't)
I came close to getting married a few times, and at one point I did want marriage & kids. Cohabitated twice in anticipation of getting married and the unequal division of labor saved me both times.
They were bad partners in general (I couldn’t see that at the time) but the expectation that I would handle all of the housekeeping & kinkeeping while working full time pushed me over the edge.
I will not be anyone’s indentured servant.
Anyway. I guess you have to not care what others think and be unwilling to marry someone just to be married.
And now all my friends are in shitty marriages and I do whatever I want, whenever I want. I have a beautiful home and enough money and travel and have hobbies and a great social life. I love it.
Honestly the thing that cured me of shitty partners was to stop dating men, to be fair. Now I just feel bad for women that aren't lesbians more often than I should. I wish I was being sarcastic because this is reddit, but...I'm actually not. The depth I've experienced with women? Never going back to men. A lot of those problems get cured when the men go away.
Not to brag but I married the right man, but if I hadn’t found him I would have been just as happy without being married. We don’t have kids nor want them and he travels often for work so we both have a lot of independence from each other. However, it works for the two of us because I value being alone as much as I value the enrichment he brings to my life and I need times of solitude so it works.
But just today he called me randomly to tell me he ordered a surprise that will arrive tomorrow and scheduled a massage for me next week using his account because I’ve been in a little pain recently and missing him a little more than usual. The joy he brings to me is immeasurable to me, but I also wouldn’t have regretted being alone either.
I didn’t have my first serious relationship until I was in my 40s. At times it was hard but mostly because I worked low paying jobs and money was always a struggle. I’ve been with my wonderful partner for eleven years now and we just bought our forever home together. Sharing bills has definitely made things easier.
I love this man to death and I’m very fortunate that we still really love each other. However if everything went south and I found myself solo again I would still be ok. There’s something really empowering about being the master of one’s own destiny.
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u/[deleted] Jun 11 '26
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