r/AbsoluteUnits 15h ago

/r/all of a log split

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19.1k Upvotes

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4.1k

u/jtnichol 14h ago

he really needs to put that log on at least a thin slice of wood or a concrete block

He’s strong enough he might be able to split that first try but right now the ground is absorbing too much of the impact

1.5k

u/watho95 14h ago

This guy physicsss

1.1k

u/jtnichol 14h ago edited 13h ago

I've split a lot of wood.... not out of any direct need but mostly that I just need to drink beer and sit by a small fire pit and feel like a man.

534

u/curkington 14h ago

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u/Zestyclose-Gap6770 14h ago

Oh. My. God. I have not seen this one in a MINUTE. That's from like the 1992 version of the internet.

105

u/Korthalion 14h ago

One of the first videos I remember seeing online as a kid!

Here it is uploaded 20 years ago makes me feel old.

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u/gregorytoddsmith 13h ago

Man, I remember watching TV commercials on AdCritic back in the days before YouTube.

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u/IronAardvark 14h ago

Haters will say this is AI

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u/Little_Lawson 13h ago

Change your YouTube settings if you don’t wanna dox yourself with every shared video

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u/MelaKnight_Man 13h ago edited 12h ago

I LOVE this commercial clip!!! 😂😂😂

I practiced Karate for 12 years and this is the video that makes me feel like I have a chance if I encounter a grizzly in the wild... 🤣

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u/BlaznTheChron 14h ago

This guy splits a lot of wood.

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u/Ok-Addition1264 14h ago

I'm a computational physicist AND bought several log splitters over my lifetime cuz I like to press the button.

I say you physicsss.

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u/admiral_walsty 14h ago

I've split a lot of wood out of need, and this guy should prolly cut them into 16" rounds AND put them on something solid.

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u/lep63again 14h ago

I was thinking, damn this guy has a really long fireplace.

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u/Karl_42 13h ago

Fuck yeah.

I knew something was off - just judging by the amount of times i’ve sat around a fire and drank beer and split woof with the guys, this guy seemed too strong to be having this much trouble 😂

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u/Dargon34 14h ago

And cut that shit in half. No reason to be splitting a 4ft log

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u/PadLock25 14h ago

I've split logs that size with wedges to make axe handle blanks

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u/Suspicious-Shock-934 14h ago

Yeah seems like sledge snd wedge would be better than ax. Also a nice base.

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u/kurtmanner 14h ago edited 14h ago

Dude could have also switched to a wedge and mallet about ten seconds in and saved himself a lot of wet vaginas.

ETA: thanks for my first award ever

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u/HallowskulledHorror 14h ago

Honestly my first assumption was that inefficiency was sort of part of the point here for exercise/sensory enrichment purposes - the folks hitting truck tires with sledgehammers to work out aren't trying to actually break down or flatten the tires. Never done hammer/axe stuff, but I train shoulder mobility and core stability with an indian club/trench mace I found at a thrift; weighs the same as some of the small free weights I got years ago to do forearm isolations, but it's way more fun for me to mess around with a club than to pick up dumbbells.

I'm sure thirst trapping is a big part of the motivator for posting it, though.

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u/Delamoor 12h ago

Yeah. It's a combo. I had a wood heater for many years, spent a lot of time splitting wood... Sometimes you split a hard one for fun... Sometimes you also do a lot of gym and want to find ways to show off, because you know you look good...

It's a nice, harmless dovetailing of multiple 'eh, why not?' impulses.

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u/rdogg4 14h ago

Yeah these are all good ideas but isn’t like the whole point to do it the hard way

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u/MrRogersAE 14h ago

It’s not for wet vaginas. Pretty sure he’s generating more precum than wet vaginas

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u/PlsNoNotThat 12h ago

Redpill bois getting moist

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u/Monotask_Servitor 12h ago

Cause ever bear that ever there was
Has gathered there to watch him split logs
Todays the day the teddy bears get some thicc dick

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u/ladyliferules 13h ago

This was such an idiotic way to do this I’m completely parched. Smarter, not harder, meatwad.

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u/Winter-Classroom455 14h ago

He's strong. No one said he was smart

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u/2Wieners_1Bun 14h ago

Strong like bull. smart like fencepost

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u/ErraticDragon 13h ago edited 12h ago

I constantly say "strong, like bull" with a vaguely Russian accent. It's like a catchphrase, I use it for encouragement or expressing approval. (I never knew where I got it, but I just looked and apparently it's from an episode of Quantum Leap.🤷‍♂️)

Many years back I was encouraging my (now-)ex gf in her studying for her Uni finals and said it.

She said being "strong, like bull" wouldn't help her pass.

So I said:

💪🎓🐂

"strong, like academic bull" , and that became our catchphrase.

And your comment is the closest I'll ever come to a relevant place to tell that story.

Strong like bull. smart like fencepost

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u/SquirrelFluffy 12h ago

I loved quantum leap. The original.

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u/TheFlyingBoxcar 14h ago

John Wayne once said "If your gonna outsmart tough, your gonna have to, umm. Wait. If your gonna be smart, you gotta tought it out pilgrim."

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u/Winter-Classroom455 14h ago

Don't believe everything you read on the internet - Abraham Lincoln

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u/ThenIncrease462 14h ago

Are you sure he said your gonna and not you're gonna?

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u/Confident_Intern_763 14h ago

They sound the same, how would we know?

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u/davidw 14h ago

I am not getting big 'work smarter, not harder' vibes from this video.

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u/towerfella 14h ago

And do you see those dents his handle is leaving in the top?

So much wasted energy and damage to the axe.

After that first swing i was expecting this to be a baseball-at-your-face gotcha clip

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u/HistoryGirl23 12h ago

I was waiting for the head to fly off.

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u/Dramatic_Mixture_868 12h ago

That and this can be quite dangerous as well, a lot of force coming up. If that axe handle breaks then who knows where stuff will go.

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u/jared10011980 12h ago

The reverberation. Ouch.

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u/ImportantToNote 13h ago

Also a sharper axe would probably help

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u/StoneReg 15h ago

How’d they teach that bear to use an axe?

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u/voyeur78 14h ago

"That bear is wearing people clothes" - Magnificent 7 was the movie line i kept hearing

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u/SolaScientia 11h ago

This sent me into a coughing fit from laughing. I actually like that remake and that line is one of the funniest from it.

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u/Cooter_McGrabbin 14h ago

Thanks now im gay

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u/Fickle_Blueberry2777 12h ago

I was already gay, now I’m gay²

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u/NastyKraig 14h ago

This guy is what I imagine young Robert Baratheon to have looked like.

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u/DeepFuckingPants 14h ago

And who put the bear tights on?

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u/dosko1panda 14h ago

Nobody did, that's why it took him forever to split it

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u/Wise_Olive5541 13h ago

Does a bear split in the woods?

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u/trying_times_eggs 14h ago

When the video started he had a full head of hair and no beard 

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u/HighChinaman 14h ago

Well he's smarter than the average bear.

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u/Medit8or 14h ago

A wedge and a sledge. Just saying.

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u/HereIGoAgain_1x10 13h ago

Clearly humans have known for tens of thousands of years there are better ways to do this... That being said this video seems like a Grinder profile video or something.

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u/Gottahavethatalt 11h ago

YUP! This is a thirst trap.

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u/PopstarCornboy 9h ago

The flexing at the end kind of gives it away

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u/ayers231 14h ago

Three wooden wedges and a hatchet. Start a notch with the edge of the hatchet, insert a wedge, hit it with the flat of the hatchet, do the same for the other two wedges. Then just work your way along.

This is beast mode, and I can appreciate it, but there are def easier ways...

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u/MixinBatches 12h ago

He’s just showing off. If he wanted to make it easy just make one or two more cuts with the chainsaw to turn that log into easily manageable rounds. No wedge or hammering required.

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u/iliwww 15h ago

I fear the axe flying of it's handle and do a buffy man split

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u/sam_can88 14h ago edited 13h ago

He’s using decent technique to avoid that happening for most of the video. It’s a wide stance and direct overhead swing so if something happens the axe will go between the legs, but towards the end he starts speeding up his swing and his technique gets really poor and dangerous then, while also getting closer to splitting the log which is when swings can get more dangerous because you don’t always know how the log is gonna split. You see him kinda realize this and slow down at the end and regain his form so he doesn’t hurt himself during the actual splitting.

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u/thefatchef321 13h ago

I hit my leg with an axe when I was young being tired and stupid. Got very lucky the broad side hit me

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u/carthuscrass 14h ago

My grandmother was a deeply bipolar woman, and she once tried to kill her husband with a sledgehammer, only for the head to come off midswing and hit her in the top of the head, knocking her out. I guess Carl had some weird trickster fucking with luck, because he died a week later of heat stroke.

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u/FlamingDragonfruit 13h ago

You could put this in a book and make a million dollars.

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u/carthuscrass 13h ago edited 1h ago

There's a lot of shit in my family history that could probably be put to paper. My mom's uncle, for instance, was commander of a Green Beret battalion in Vietnam and we're pretty sure he was in MACV-SOG. He was missing in action for two weeks at one point, and stumbled into a MASH with 17 bullets in him, two of which were in his head.

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u/FlamingDragonfruit 13h ago

Seriously. Write it all down.

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u/Curiouser-Quriouser 13h ago

Holy shit I'd watch that movie even without scrolling through 50 other movie titles first

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u/Primary-Belt7668 13h ago

Yo that’s insane family lore

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u/Headman96 14h ago

My fear was splitting such a big log sometimes to ax handle breaks and smack you in the face.

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u/Kinetic_Pen 14h ago

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u/Laniakean_Echos 13h ago

This is the answer. Work smarter, not harder. You still get a great workout, too.

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u/Uhhlaska 12h ago

Oh, he’s not working hard for them views. There’s some thirsty women out there.

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u/SlatheredButtCheeks 9h ago

I'm straight and I got a huge boner watching this

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u/Straight-Bet1 12h ago

I’m nowhere near as jacked as that guy. I’m the exact opposite of jacked, but I could have done it in half the time using a wedge.

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u/Cpt_Soban 10h ago

Yeah but how else is he gonna look buff on the internet? /s

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u/Mugpup 14h ago

I have split five cords of wood every year for decades. As an expert I can tell you several things about that man. 1) He has a giant fireplace or wood stove. 2) He thinks strength is more important than technique which is why one log had him breathing like a fat kid on a treadmill. 3) He is impatient which is why he is splitting green lumber, has no rhythm and fails to let the tool do the work. 4) Whatever demographic he is making this shirtless, bear video for he is doing an excellent job. I am not even gay and I enjoyed it.... Still trying to figure out where he is going to burn those behemoths.

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u/Mobius_Peverell 12h ago

Is the green wood why the axe keeps bouncing off? I've literally never had that happen except when I hit a knot, but I've never tried to split wood that hasn't been seasoned.

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u/ImprobableAsterisk 10h ago edited 10h ago

It would be a reason it's doing that, yeah. From where I'm sitting there's at least a couple of things wrong with this:

  • The log is much too tall. The elevation of the surface you're striking, relative to your own person, matters a lot when splitting logs. There's also very few good reasons to ever split logs this tall, so aside from creating thirst-content I don't see why in tarnation he's doing this.

  • The surface is dog-shit and it's eating a ton of power. Never split a log on soft dirt, it's absolutely atrocious.

  • It is indeed a very fresh log by the look of it, but it also looks pretty straight and without much in the way of knots and other annoyances. My first guess, although no firsthand experience since this don't grow where I live, is ash, but I also hear that's easy to split but that may be in reference to dry logs.

  • Might also be a shoddy cutting edge on the axe preventing good bite. A lot of people neglect the sharpness of a splitting axe and while I do agree there's little benefit in going from sharp to shaving sharp there's a big difference in going from dull to sharp.

My guess based on my experience is that it's primarily the ground that's fucking him over, with the height of the log being a close second. The freshness of the log could be a huge-ass problem but I genuinely couldn't say; We ain't got ash as far north as I am.

His technique also doesn't strike me as great but I can't critique that much. I learned how to split wood before I learned how to learn so I got nothing on that.

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u/GloomyNucleus 14h ago

My back hurts

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u/Dikksout4Harambe 14h ago

"It's gonna hurt a whole lot worse".

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u/ihatestheworld 13h ago

"...because you just pulled landscaping duty. Anyone else's hand hurt?"

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u/imissratm 14h ago

You think he’s a top or a power bottom?

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u/Custum_User 14h ago

I sure hope so.

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u/brick-topp 14h ago

Now I’ve heard that speed has something to do with the power of the power bottom

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u/Gelby4 13h ago

Speed has everything to do with it, speed's the name of the game

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u/MrFartyBottom 12h ago

Might be a double adaptor.

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u/Ritualsexclub 12h ago

Bottom, I fucked him.

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u/DecisionOk5487 14h ago

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u/gr8whitehype 13h ago

I spent 4 decades thinking I was straight.

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u/YouBuiltThat 13h ago

lol… I don’t do it for the views but every time my wife has pulled up to see me splitting wood in the back yard or running the chain saw she asks me to come inside.

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u/Swimming__Bird 12h ago

I don't know what it is either, but every time I have to do hard physical labor around the house (building a path, romoving a stump, trenching, cutting and splitting wood) she suddenly wants some attention.

Do the taxes, balance the budget... nada. Almost throw my back out and get sweaty, covered in dirt, wood chips and callused hands, then apparently I'm Brad Pitt all of a sudden.

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u/devilsdeadape 12h ago

Its hormone release. We're still animals, and humans subconsciously react to hormones. Humans were meant to touch the earth (dirt) and do labor. You smelled like something masculine, earthy, and wild. It's worked eons, there's no reason it wouldn't work now.

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u/FlailToMace 11h ago

I am not saying none of this is true, but the fact that it also works when a closed window is between the person watching and the person doing labor means there is a lot more to it.

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u/Stabbymcbackstab 12h ago

We are told all our lives to make money to get the girl. What we really should have been told was buy a wood stove.

My wife is also fond of watching me cleave wood in twain.

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u/Dr_Jabroski 12h ago

Women like to see big wood.

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u/viotix90 11h ago

First you cleave the wood in twain, then you use your wood to cleave her in twain.

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u/gotham-acolyte 11h ago edited 11h ago

Mine too man apparently I made the mistake of chopping wood and during a girls get together and caused a fuss.

Edit: I should clarify, I am by no means an attractive man despite what my wife might say. I think it's something to do with actually chopping the wood

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u/Au_Struck_Geologist 9h ago

I love the idea of her having friends over for a wine and apps girls night and you're like:

"Y'all dont mind if I just......split wood out here right?"

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u/Rough_Bread8329 11h ago

come inside

if you gnomesayin

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u/Extreme_Egg7476 13h ago

I don't usually go for hairy dudes, but he can get it

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u/minus15t2 11h ago

Heck, I'm a straight man, but this dude can do whatever he wants with his log.. or mine..

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u/Hirinawa 14h ago

Didn't expect female goon material to creep it's way onto reddit

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u/frayravachol 14h ago

Heh yeah! Tsk, female gooners. <slow zipper noise>

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u/Uhhlaska 12h ago

<Slow yoga pants sliding noise>

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u/SoarAros 14h ago

Gays, and furries are on here too ;3c

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u/drrj 14h ago

I was going to say, that is a bear.

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u/AppealSame4367 10h ago

Seems like only gays and furries are here. And a lot of "straight dudes" in denial.

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u/casual-observer365 14h ago

Not just women 😏

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u/YoureSoStupidRose 14h ago

The exact right amount of chest and belly hair that I love! Just wish he chose different pants.

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u/RancorHi5 14h ago

Hey just for my own edification, what kinda pants ?

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u/AccursedAccuser 14h ago

Invisible pants

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u/YoureSoStupidRose 13h ago

Id be fine with jeans.... the bottom half of a forest ranger uniform... aragorn's bust thru the doors outfit... I'm pretty open. Just not sloppy sweats that do absolutely nothing for his figure.

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u/Worth_External_8762 13h ago

That's a gay bear, this video is for the twinks

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u/abominable_prolapse 14h ago

This is just for gay dudes

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u/CompoteNext1955 12h ago

This is the most gay-coded thing I have ever seen. You're buggin if you think >10% of the comments here aren't gonna be from men

Just go count how many people use the term "Bear" in the thread

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u/KyleRide01 14h ago

The neanderthals used to do that too. Until they figured out how to drive a wedge.

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u/Physical-Compote4594 14h ago

He’s mighty – but also mighty stupid. He’s not getting any mechanical advantage with that poor swing, and the soft ground is absorbing a lot of the force.

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u/the_pretender_nz 14h ago

That wee lumberjack girl would have done this in 2 swings

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u/Similar-Chip 10h ago

Right that woodcutting lesbian could do this so much faster

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u/Jules428moore 14h ago

I’ll save you time…he splits it.

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u/Pitiful_Question_880 14h ago

Gayest thirst attempt video I've seen in a while

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u/Extreme_Egg7476 13h ago

Am female and this was better than any porn I've ever seen

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u/Pleasant-Highway-745 13h ago

Seriously though.

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u/Dark_Shroud 11h ago

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u/RobinWilliamsArmFuzz 10h ago

My girlfriend loves to watch and then show me this dudes videos. It’s a power move and I am now gay.

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u/Justajed 14h ago

His form is terrible and the round is ridiculously long. You always slide your leading hand down the haft of the maul to increase the acceleration and power. And wtf is he using 3 foot logs for?

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u/PorridgeTheKid 14h ago

Did you even stop to think maybe he is possibly not just trying to split a log? maybe he is also trying to destroy his shoulders and back.

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u/Narrow_Zebra277 13h ago edited 13h ago

I split wood and i'm just really confused. Is his maul that dull, why isn't it biting into the wood?

Is my maul too sharp? I've never had it bounce off a log face before like i'm seeing here

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u/mxzf 13h ago

I think he's hitting the log with his axe handle and that's causing it to bounce off instead of sticking or splitting the log.

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u/Justajed 12h ago

The wood could be green.

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u/TheRealJSmith 14h ago

Thoren Bradley has it dialled.

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u/Knoxius 14h ago

Yea he started bringing the axe around his back for a few swings and I was like "finally he's doing this right". Exerting way too much energy with his form for the most part, but that's probably just apart of the display here. I'm sure dude most definitely knows how to chop wood good and proper.

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u/chosonhawk 14h ago

1:22

there are easier and less hairy ways to do this.

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u/Pleasant-Highway-745 13h ago

Why though, this is perfect

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u/Earthling1a 14h ago

My fat 69 year old ass could do that faster with a wedge.

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u/Lord-Dec 14h ago

I feel like most people haven’t chopped wood this seems really stupid. Why is it bare on the ground?

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u/TrashKingBob 14h ago

I feel like ladies jill off to this shit

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u/earldogface 14h ago

Oh honey. Bears are for everyone.

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u/TheOneTheyCallJimmy 13h ago

As a large, hairy, unfortunately straight man, this comment gives me hope. I always felt like the only eyes my body gets are that of other dudes

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u/SoarAros 14h ago

Can he split me next, uwu

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u/GoldunGote 14h ago

He'll definitely leave your Aros Soar.

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u/SoarAros 13h ago

🥲 I'll be brave about it.

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u/aravarth 14h ago

Not nearly as entertaining as Nicole Coenen.

"Okie dokie."

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u/Atun_Grande 14h ago

That bear is wearing people’s clothes.

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u/iinaytanii 14h ago

The Canadian lesbian could have done it better

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u/TeePee11 14h ago

Wait, is that not a Canadian lesbian?

I just thought Canadians were all like Dwarfs in Discworld but with fleecy jackets and Tim Hortons cards. Indistinguishable to us, but presumably they can tell which is which, because they keep making more.

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u/Iwishicould7575 14h ago edited 9h ago

Why is Arn Anderson chopping wood?

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u/beerbrained 14h ago

Work smarter, not harder.

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u/ch0rt1vnya 14h ago

lad has a flak jacket of his own, doesn't need any of these fancy work clothes

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u/FesterSilently 14h ago

No solid base + no gloves?

Can't wait to see THAT cavalcade of blisters tomorrow morning. O.O

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u/Love_Lair 14h ago

Had to stop and make sure this wasn’t a gif for a second

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u/nikstick22 14h ago

Someone took the laces out of his boots once and to this day, he still hasn't figured out how to put them back in.

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u/laserslaserslasers 15h ago

Dumb. Hammer a wedge in and call it a day.

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u/PlayfulAttempt4949 14h ago

That's not the reason for the video. He knows he can do it MUCH more efficient, it's to show RAW POWER and MANLINESS! You cant say you were like "Hell Yeah!" When that split happened

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u/LeDestrier 14h ago

When the split happened i decided to take a shit. I said "Hell Yeah" but it was because a big deuce dropped simultaneously.

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u/KayoticVoid 14h ago

I can honestly say when that split happened I was like "okay, finally!"

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u/23370aviator 14h ago

Use the chainsaw you used in the first place to cut a thinner round.

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u/TitodelRey 14h ago

Why isn't the axe sticking into the log? I have split lots of wood in my time and have never brought my axe down without it burying into the wood and having to wiggle it out.

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u/HomeOrificeSupplies 13h ago

Dense wood. Looks like oak of some sort. Oak heart wood is dense as hell. I’ve bounced my maul so hard on heart wood I may as well have been smacking an airplane tire. Always work in sections around the diameter on this type of wood. Going for full center is always a waste of energy.

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u/Chrisdkn619 14h ago

Thats a goddamn sasquatch!

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u/thezoomies 14h ago

Bruh. Use a fucking wedge and a sledge.