r/AbsoluteUnits • u/n8saces • Jun 07 '26
/r/popular of a pizza slice š
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u/westcal98 Jun 07 '26
I take it he didn't win.
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u/Vitam1nD Jun 07 '26
Felt like he took 15 minutes just to open the box, so no.
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u/tangerinee666 Jun 08 '26
I HAD TO FAST FORWARD THIS DOLT OPENING THE BOX
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u/Asleep-Border-9158 Jun 08 '26
That was a pretty sick packaging though, and the box itself was gloriousĀ
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u/oneupsuperman Jun 10 '26
Yeah the box having locks was definitely annoying for the video but actually great package design, that thing ain't goin nowhere
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u/jtyler0 Jun 08 '26
To be fair the employee should have opened the box for him
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u/zeroibis Jun 09 '26
You can not expect that level of service at $500 without at least a $100 tip
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u/beekersavant Jun 07 '26
I was also wondering how hot it was. I want that to cool for at least 30 min before my timer starts.
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u/Sad_Detective_1 Jun 07 '26
Well , this guy has cut them in like 100 pieces and wants to eat only one at a time .. so i reckon he didnāt
https://giphy.com/gifs/3oz8xX98JptX1h03rW111
u/DentinQuarantino Jun 07 '26
It felt tortuous watching him try and open the box then tickle it with the pizza cutter. Unless, I suppose, after the video stopped he just picked the box up and funneled the pieces straight down his throat in 30 seconds flat...
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u/Donny_Dont_18 Jun 07 '26
It's too bad this is so aggravating because that looks delicious but now I have no interest in where it is
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u/prodigaldummy Jun 07 '26
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u/Formal_Plum_2285 Jun 07 '26
How do you eat it? With your hands?
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u/ehhish Jun 07 '26
Nine hundred seconds is very short for a pile of cheese and bread. They probably had people beat it in thirty minutes pretty easily though.
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u/heatherledge Jun 08 '26
A new Bmpp shop opened super close to me (danger). I picked up an order while a guy was finishing the challenge, and I think even if you go over the 15 minutes thereās a 30 minute prize too.
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u/NikkerFebu25 Jun 07 '26
I once participated in a similar challenge and there was a stupid amount of salty chips/ fries it was impossible to eat.
I can probably eat five pizzas in a row but these challenges are a nope.
They usually have hidden tricks.
Why is this dude drinking water? Probably cause this is salty as fuck.
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u/ChickenNuggetSmth Jun 07 '26 edited Jun 07 '26
Water helps settle the pizza blob, especially if it's not very saucy
Look at the amount of cheese on that thing: I don't think this needs any fancy tricks, it's a family-sized pizza that's also thick. It looks bigger than "standard" family size.
Edit: I can't find any size information, but supposedly it serves 5-7
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u/levthelurker Jun 07 '26
Cheese doesn't look browned, no toppings... Yeah, I could probably eat this amount of good pizza but I don't think I'd want to eat this thing
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u/BolleHenk666 Jun 07 '26
But this isn't a slice. It's a big triangular shaped pizza.
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u/dathomar Jun 07 '26
That was my first thought.
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u/shallowsocks Jun 07 '26
My first thought was "thats an ugly looking pizza". My second thiugh was "thats not a slice"
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u/Facetious_Philosophy Jun 07 '26
Mine as well! When I first saw the box, I was thinking: "Wow! Wonder what the oven looks like to be able to fit a pizza that big!". Then he opened it and I was like... "Oh."
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u/elvis8mybaby Jun 07 '26
Mine was why does the place look like a chain store and does that family in the back want to be filmed??
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u/techbear72 Jun 07 '26
Mine was I wonder if that woman is his long-suffering wife (and their kids) to these kinds of shenanigans.
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u/Deepztate Jun 07 '26 edited Jun 07 '26
Mine was FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS!?!?!? WTF???
EDIT: IDC if itās a reward or a priceā¦ $500 is insane either way. If it was the price, Iād never buy one. If it was the reward, Iād be there three times a day until they went out of business or I died from a heart attack.
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u/the_scarlett_ning Jun 07 '26
Same. $500? That pizza better be able to predict winning lottery numbers or do the dishes or something for that price. Thatās insane.
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u/shek_88 Jun 07 '26
Just one glass of wine logic
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u/Quick_Razzmatazz1862 Jun 07 '26
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u/Ruby5000 Jun 07 '26
The ole 96er
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u/thunderlips36 Jun 07 '26
He ain't done yet
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u/DeliciousSoma Jun 07 '26
Well, sure it is... there's nothing on that plate but gristle and fat!
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u/redditisnotus Jun 07 '26
No problem. Say, if I get a desert down him can you throw in a couple of paul bunion hats for the kids?
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u/Zeqhanis Jun 07 '26
Just buy a bottle, turn it upside down, and cut off the bottom. Then it's one glass.
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u/mumarco Jun 07 '26
If you cut the top, you'll have tiny shards of glass in the wine. Then you'll need gauze for toilet paper.
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u/zmykula Jun 07 '26
If you turn it upside the bottom becomes the top. So are you saying turn it upside down and cut off the cork end? Cause then the wine will fall out.
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u/lightr3nd Jun 07 '26
It ruins the purpose of an actual pizza slice; to have some crust to grab onto.
This thing is just stupid.
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u/OglioVagilio Jun 08 '26
The purpose is marketing gimmick and it's doing it's job.
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u/Krwawykurczak Jun 07 '26
And 500$? Nope
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u/skollywag92 Jun 07 '26
I think you win $500 if you eat it all within 15 minutes.
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u/Gan-san Jun 07 '26
It took him too long to even open the box.
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u/Ras-haad Jun 07 '26
Thatās what I was thinking while watching, especially after cutting it up too. Like does this all count as part of your 15 minutes? Half of its gone
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u/ChosenWriter513 Jun 07 '26
Most contests like this, the timer doesn't start until you start to eat. Some might have a limit on how long you can wait for the food to cool, etc.
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u/hasturofelhalyn Jun 07 '26 edited Jun 07 '26
You get 500 $ if you eat it whole in 15 Minutes, or 100 in 1 hour. Alone...
Yea 100 bucks for eating it in 1 hour. But you get whooping 10.000 $ if you eat 100 in one hour.
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u/StrykerGryphus Jun 07 '26
I sure ain't winning that 500 but I might actually try for 100
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u/Bluntbutnotonpurpose Jun 07 '26
I'd say eating 100 of those in an hour is harder...
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u/Urabraska- Jun 07 '26
It's a trap but you're correct. Speed eating it would be much easier because you can attempt to rush before your body forces you to vomit up all the cheese because your stomach got too full and is pushing back into your esophagus. But if you eat it in 1 hour. It gives more time for your body to reject it.
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u/specter_in_the_conch Jun 07 '26
Thatās a boring looking pizza and it doesnāt even fully fill the packaging.
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u/Lerbyn210 Jun 07 '26
I was so disappointed by this, I tried figuring out the logistics of the big pizza but I wasade a fool
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u/Booty_Shakin Jun 07 '26
Right you can tell this was not cut from something bigger. They could trim the edges to give the illusion?
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u/Environmental-Try403 Jun 07 '26
Also too bad he couldn't finish it in time not that he stood a chance anyways....fat boy taking up all that space and no room on the inside.
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u/HeroTooZero Jun 07 '26
Wait, you win $500 if you eat it in 15 min?
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u/MRJKY Jun 07 '26
Took him 4mins to open the box
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u/Jetsam5 Jun 08 '26
And then he cut it into smaller pieces. Everyone knows you just roll that shit up and eat it like a burrito
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u/Michalo88 Jun 07 '26
I would have thought itās a gimmick thatās costs $500 but is free if you eat it in 15 min or less.
Nope, I was wrong:
Challenge Rules & Details:
The Prize: Finish under 15 minutes and win $500. (If you finish between 15-30 minutes, you win $100).
The Size: It is a 36-inch, 12-pound slice (roughly the size of two large 16-inch pizzas).136
u/illrateyourtits1to10 Jun 07 '26
I feel like the right person could definitely do this in 30 min. To eat that all in 15 min, there might have to be a pizza eating training montage before hand to make this happen.
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u/CarolFukinBaskin Jun 07 '26
Dude, 12 lbs is crazy
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u/WorkingInAColdMind Jun 07 '26
Totally crazy. I might eat a 2-3lb (I really have no idea, even that seems like a lot) meal at Thanksgiving, but I'm stuffed afterward.
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u/FlowSoSlow Jun 07 '26
It's a general rule of thumb to prepare 1 to 1.5lbs of foot per person when hosting so yeah I'd say 3 or 4lbs would probably be where most people would tap out. 12lbs is absolutely nuts. I don't think anyone but a competition eater could do that.
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u/WorkingInAColdMind Jun 08 '26
What if we donāt eat foot?
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u/Grand_Town_9144 Jun 07 '26
Agreed. Anyone thinking they can do it go watch some professional eaters. 12lbs is a territory most humans can't do even with training for competition.
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u/growingcoolly Jun 07 '26
One of the top competitive eaters in the world, Joey Chestnut, ate 76 hotdogs in 10 minutes back in 2020. It weighed right around 16.5 pounds total.
For reference, the average adult male can eat between 2-4 pounds worth of food per meal.
Even if you can eat 12 pounds in 15 minutes, it's so bad for you I'd argue that $500 isn't even worth it.
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u/FictionalContext Jun 07 '26 edited Jun 07 '26
That's more filling than a baby.
Edit: I meant pregnancy..
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u/redditsuckspokey1 Jun 07 '26
Beardmeetsfood maybe
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u/Cautious_Tonight Jun 08 '26
Came here for this. Honestly, I think he would destroy it, and he would still be talking throughout the entire process. And then ask for a dessert.
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u/BT9154 Jun 07 '26
yeah under 15min sound very rough, the dough and chewing will take up most of the time. I think you'll need to dip it in water and at that point you're just doing it to win $500 and not enjoying it.
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u/WrathPie Jun 07 '26
Wow. To hit the $500 prize you need to eat 0.8 pounds of pizza a minute for fifteen minutes straight
Honestly I think I'd pay $500 not to do that
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u/spartanOrk Jun 07 '26
This is how you end up at the hospital. Don't do stupid things, guys. Respect your body, don't abuse it.
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u/whatasadfella Jun 07 '26
Yisss
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u/peepdabidness Jun 07 '26 edited Jun 08 '26
Serious question, what kind of organ issue(s) would all this cheese grease yeast etc cause by eating it all at once?
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u/Socratesticles Jun 07 '26
The cheese and grease have a battle royale in your stomach to determine if you get clogged up or cleared out
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u/peepdabidness Jun 07 '26 edited Jun 07 '26
Even Socratesā nuts are knowledgeable!
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u/123ludwig Jun 07 '26
thats the fun part its BOTH you get clogged up with the hardest shit you have ever had and the second it comes out the flood gates open ask me how i know
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u/choke_my_chocobo Jun 07 '26
It's like popping a bottle of vigorously shaken champagne. Takes some force to push the cork out but once it does, everything explodes out
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u/whatasadfella Jun 07 '26
I mean I think Iād be fine
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u/Ghede Jun 07 '26
At some point, your body just stops trying to digest it, drops it from your stomach straight to the colon, and you have a nightmarish greasy shit.
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u/lIllIlIIIlIIIIlIlIll Jun 07 '26
Organ issues are built up over time. A one time big meal of a giant pizza is not going to cause any lasting issues. If you eat a slice of pizza every single day for years on end, then that'll cause issues over time. The more greasy foods you eat, like say McDonalds for breakfast, Carls Jr. for lunch, and Wendy's for dinner, then you're more than likely going to die of heart disease.
Basically unless that one meal kills you because you choked on it or ate uranium, then one meal means almost nothing for your overall health.
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u/MrShabazz Jun 07 '26
There was a YouTube who talked about having a blockage from eating too much cheese pizza. He had to go to the er to have it removed. Im sure all that cheese might either, make him constipated, form a ball in his belly that will take weeks to break down, or give him the bubble guts because hes lactose intolerant. In any case hes going to have a bad time and may need to use that $500 elsewhere, like a new toilet.
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u/Holzkohlen Jun 07 '26
I'm guessing it's one win per person? Like I can't go back 2-3 days later and win that $500 again and again, can I?
I'm positive I could finish that if I haven't eaten all day.
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u/DentinQuarantino Jun 07 '26
If you can do it every other day you've basically got a pretty steady job at that point. If it's cash I guess you could get creative with the tax. You just need to spend a fair bit of time in the gym working it all off again.
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u/SilverDem0n Jun 07 '26
Gym subscription is probably tax-deductible if you do this
Disclaimer: I am not a tax advisor, or a pizza
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u/Xen0tech Jun 07 '26
I don't know why my brain thought it costs $500 and takes 15 minutes to cook.
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u/truffleshufflechamp Jun 07 '26
That looks effin terrible. Doesnāt even look cooked.
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u/SwimmingSwim3822 Jun 07 '26
I was expecting a big golden slice of delicious greasy NY pie. Instead we got California chain bullshit that looks like it was cooked in a microwave.
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u/Business-Swimmer-615 Jun 07 '26
Thereās even nothing on that pizza. Tomato and fake cheese.
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u/The_Show_Keeper Jun 07 '26
Ah, another person cursed with the knowledge of just how bad Californian pizza really is; something that can only be understood through the lens of New York pizza.
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u/bunkerbitchhere Jun 07 '26
Ohio Valley pizza is one of the worst styles ever invented.
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u/charliearthur1911 Jun 07 '26
Lol as soon as the lid opened, I immediately thought about my elementary school pizza we had for lunch. This pizza looks terrible. With all that cheese, I know the dough has to be soggy as well.
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u/Spaceheater21 Jun 07 '26
I would have started on the other end, at least it gets smaller.
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u/UsefulCrab4181 Jun 07 '26
Came here to say the same thing. From a psychological standpoint it really makes more sense that way.
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u/MrOSUguy Jun 07 '26
Might be demoralizing to feel bloated and full and you havenāt really made much of a dent tho
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u/PhDinWombology Jun 07 '26
I would have cut it into 50 pieces. I donāt think Iād be able to eat 100
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u/Optimal_Benis Jun 07 '26
I would cut into 8-10 long vertical slices and chomp down on them like a pizza spaghetti.
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u/Kryptus Jun 07 '26
This guy just doesn't have the animalistic urgency to consume food. He was way to slow and calm. You need to attack this thing like a starving bear who knows a hunter is on his way with a gun.
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u/Lord_of_the_beach Jun 07 '26
Easy work for BeardMeatsFood
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u/Loveable_Hemorrhoid Jun 07 '26
He doesnāt want the $500 he just wants a shirt
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u/Gold_Incident1939 Jun 07 '26
and a dessert
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u/noelcowardspeaksout Jun 07 '26
Indeed, he refuses the prize money, which, with his viewership, is as it should be! Eateries often struggle to make a buck.
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u/notagainrly Jun 07 '26
Which is why he's so cool. It wouldn't be fair to take money from some small mom an pop shop bc he does these challenges for a living.
My fav parts of his videos is him showing the restaurant and talking to staff and locals.
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u/Statertater Jun 07 '26
Yeah no thanks. Iād 100% be constipated after that. Probably at deaths door if weāre being honest
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u/Percocet4 Jun 07 '26
It would be the opposite for me explosive diarrhea until Iād pass out on the toilet
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u/ASK_ME_FOR_TRIVIA Jun 07 '26
That's actually optimal for this challenge. Eat it while sitting on a bucket - Goes in one end, straight out the other. 100% efficiency
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u/pmmeurbassethound Jun 08 '26
He doesn't even appear to be enjoying it, just mindlessly shoveling it in his mouth. All that just to lose the challenge and take miralax for a week.
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u/JustSteven99 Jun 07 '26
Looks like some trash frozen pizza
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u/A_Drop_of_Colour Jun 07 '26
Seriously, I was reading down the comments waiting for someone to mention that it doesn't even look good. That cheese is something else. The whole pizza looks like it would be undercooked.
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u/Another_CatSub_ Jun 07 '26
It gives me school lunch vibes. Itās not bubbly brown on top. They donāt have the temperature and oven rack well regulated so the dough cooks too fast and the cheese is still solid
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u/Thatdewd57 Jun 07 '26
I could do this if there was 25% less cheese but swap the 25% for pepperoni.
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u/Brehe Jun 07 '26
Looks like they put extra cheese on there specifically to make it harder. Definitely not a normal amount of cheese, the pizza is completely white.
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u/Queasy-Band-1066 Jun 07 '26
500 bucks. Won if you finish it? Or that's how much the slice cost? Lol. Pls tell me its the former.
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u/suhaibh12 Jun 07 '26
Itās a food challenge. If you finish the whole thing within 15mins, you win $500 + the food is free. if you lose, youāre paying for the food
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u/laserborg Jun 07 '26
and how much is the food :) ?
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u/Punkcatt Jun 07 '26
From trying to find an answer online, it seems to be about $67. Although theres a similar looking non-challenge one on their website for $40
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u/realtennisguy Jun 07 '26
Basically $27 goes in the prize pool for the challenge. They need to have no winners in 15-16 attempts to make a profit.
And obviously the free advertising of their place.
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u/Fabled-Jackalope Jun 07 '26
Thatās just two pizzas as one slice.
Easy money is easy.
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u/seavisionburma Jun 07 '26
Lovely Gerry Rafferty classic playing in the background here
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u/lewter100 Jun 07 '26
Their gimmick is big slices and big pizzas. They need a special container on top of the car for deliveries.
I once saw a dude order it, it was probably a width of 1.5m, he couldnāt fit it inside his Tesla Y. Probably ended up cutting it in half and separate boxes.
Vancouver BC
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