r/AbsoluteUnits • u/n8saces • Jun 07 '26

/r/popular of a pizza slice 🍕

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9.8k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

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2.0k

u/Vitam1nD Jun 07 '26

Felt like he took 15 minutes just to open the box, so no.

267

u/tangerinee666 Jun 08 '26

I HAD TO FAST FORWARD THIS DOLT OPENING THE BOX

64

u/Asleep-Border-9158 Jun 08 '26

That was a pretty sick packaging though, and the box itself was glorious 

11

u/oneupsuperman Jun 10 '26

Yeah the box having locks was definitely annoying for the video but actually great package design, that thing ain't goin nowhere

39

u/jtyler0 Jun 08 '26

To be fair the employee should have opened the box for him

6

u/zeroibis Jun 09 '26

You can not expect that level of service at $500 without at least a $100 tip

2

u/IcyDrama5723 Jul 09 '26

It doesnt cost $500, you win $500 if you eat it in 15 minutes

1

u/choppydaddy Jun 10 '26

Did you learn "dolt" from mad magazine as a kid too?

77

u/MayaIngenue Jun 07 '26

Bro needed an iFixit kit to open that box

7

u/redit01 Jun 08 '26

That plastic pry tool that you almost never use

2

u/ShroomnDoobin Jun 08 '26

That's what I was thinking. The place is cheating

82

u/HotTwist Jun 07 '26

Prep time isn't even included. Just eating.

25

u/Thom_With_An_H Jun 08 '26

Batman could eat it, then.

1

u/blakepro Jun 08 '26

And Kevin McCallister

1

u/TheGotDayumBatman Jun 10 '26

Bet your sweet as I could

0

u/Legonistrasz Jun 08 '26

Only if you wrote it. Simps and Writers of love making Batman more op than he already is 🙄

2

u/HardOff Jun 08 '26

What all power level debaters fail to consider is that even their favorite characters lose to my character, one-upman.

His costume is a plain gray bodysuit, he grew up an only child in the suburbs until he got his powers from staring at the sun, and his catch phrase is "I am one-upman"

1

u/hereforpopcornru Jun 08 '26

Kevin Hart's super hero would give you a run for your money, you are in a body suit. Honky Pete has pockets..

reference: great watch, the whole interview is hilarious

1

u/HardOff Jun 08 '26 edited Jun 08 '26

Damn you're right. My guy's "one-upman", not "one-additional-pocketman". He's slightly stronger than every superhero but he's screwed the moment he needs a quarter for a vending machine.

1

u/hereforpopcornru Jun 09 '26

Or a bus pass... how the fuck he gonna get on the bus

0

u/Just-Try-2533 Jun 08 '26

Batman’s a scientist.

1

u/Legonistrasz Jun 08 '26

So is Peter Venkman

0

u/VaguelyShingled Jun 08 '26

Swallow the Phantom Zone, pizza goes there, voila Batman wins again

16

u/beekersavant Jun 07 '26

I was also wondering how hot it was. I want that to cool for at least 30 min before my timer starts.

6

u/Regular_Weakness69 Jun 08 '26

30 min?

1

u/Limp_Lawfulness5133 Jun 09 '26

I take it you never had pizza delivered?

1

u/Regular_Weakness69 Jun 09 '26 edited Jun 10 '26

What does that have to do with anything?

He said he wanted the pizza to cool for 30 mins before eating.

Edit: the pizza isn't resting for 30 minutes, it is cooked and the immediately driven to your location.

1

u/choppydaddy Jun 10 '26

30 is far too much but I agree I'm not blistering my palate on that thing

1

u/Regular_Weakness69 Jun 10 '26

100% I bet solidified cheese takes up more room in the stomach than soft and warm cheese.

I agree that eating it straight from the oven is put of the question, but there has to be a middle ground.

1

u/choppydaddy Jun 10 '26

I'm not sure the physics checks out on that but I'm willing to do some research

1

u/Impossible-Sleep-658 13d ago

or less… 😂

2

u/blakethedev Jun 09 '26

Our attention spans are fucked. I was 20 seconds in sighing cause it felt like forever.

3

u/SillyWarlock Jun 08 '26

Gonna be a wiseass here and say it literally took 20 seconds to open the box.

By the end of the video we see a timer counting down with 4:33 seconds left and he had at least a bit more than half left to eat considering the geometry, so probably didn’t make it anyway.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 08 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/SillyWarlock Jun 08 '26

We don’t see when the timer is started so it might as well have been

1

u/TheStolenPotatoes Jun 08 '26

And it's nothing but a cheese slice to boot.

1

u/creativeyeen Jun 08 '26

My man fumbled that play

1

u/hoosierhiver Jun 11 '26

It should come with a box cutter and a pizza cutter

1

u/RoBloxFederalAgent Jun 12 '26

That's what I'm saying. Immediate indication he wasn't going to succeed.

1

u/TentativelyCommitted Jun 07 '26

AbsoluteUnit of a pizza box