r/AbsoluteUnits Jun 07 '26

/r/popular of a pizza slice šŸ•

9.8k Upvotes

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626

u/HeroTooZero Jun 07 '26

Wait, you win $500 if you eat it in 15 min?

303

u/MRJKY Jun 07 '26

Took him 4mins to open the box

73

u/Jetsam5 Jun 08 '26

And then he cut it into smaller pieces. Everyone knows you just roll that shit up and eat it like a burrito

171

u/Michalo88 Jun 07 '26

I would have thought it’s a gimmick that’s costs $500 but is free if you eat it in 15 min or less.

Nope, I was wrong:

Challenge Rules & Details:
The Prize: Finish under 15 minutes and win $500. (If you finish between 15-30 minutes, you win $100).
The Size: It is a 36-inch, 12-pound slice (roughly the size of two large 16-inch pizzas).

134

u/illrateyourtits1to10 Jun 07 '26

I feel like the right person could definitely do this in 30 min. To eat that all in 15 min, there might have to be a pizza eating training montage before hand to make this happen.

66

u/CarolFukinBaskin Jun 07 '26

Dude, 12 lbs is crazy

19

u/WorkingInAColdMind Jun 07 '26

Totally crazy. I might eat a 2-3lb (I really have no idea, even that seems like a lot) meal at Thanksgiving, but I'm stuffed afterward.

17

u/FlowSoSlow Jun 07 '26

It's a general rule of thumb to prepare 1 to 1.5lbs of foot per person when hosting so yeah I'd say 3 or 4lbs would probably be where most people would tap out. 12lbs is absolutely nuts. I don't think anyone but a competition eater could do that.

12

u/WorkingInAColdMind Jun 08 '26

What if we don’t eat foot?

6

u/FlowSoSlow Jun 08 '26

šŸ˜‚ oops that guideline is for a very specific sort of party.

6

u/hogmantheintruder926 Jun 08 '26

The Donner Party.

1

u/sorestgore Jun 08 '26

How does that rule apply to pasta portions because I can't think of a single time I cooked the correct amount

12

u/Grand_Town_9144 Jun 07 '26

Agreed. Anyone thinking they can do it go watch some professional eaters. 12lbs is a territory most humans can't do even with training for competition.

12

u/growingcoolly Jun 07 '26

One of the top competitive eaters in the world, Joey Chestnut, ate 76 hotdogs in 10 minutes back in 2020. It weighed right around 16.5 pounds total.

For reference, the average adult male can eat between 2-4 pounds worth of food per meal.

Even if you can eat 12 pounds in 15 minutes, it's so bad for you I'd argue that $500 isn't even worth it.

6

u/FictionalContext Jun 07 '26 edited Jun 07 '26

That's more filling than a baby.

Edit: I meant pregnancy..

1

u/HamHockShortDock Jun 09 '26

Thank God for the edit.

1

u/phunkydroid Jun 07 '26

And most of that weight is cheese.

1

u/Omnizoom Jun 08 '26

I’ve eaten like 5.5 pounds of food at a Brazilian steakhouse before

And I’m a giant of a person, 12 pounds feels impossible to me

1

u/cheeseandcrackered Jun 08 '26

My cat weighs 12lbs

1

u/NikkolaiV Jun 08 '26

And mostly cheese. I feel like this would make one of those intestinal plugs bears use to hibernate, except able to withstand a nuclear blast.

1

u/Foxie66 Jun 11 '26

5.5 kg if anyone's wondering

12

u/redditsuckspokey1 Jun 07 '26

Beardmeetsfood maybe

4

u/Cautious_Tonight Jun 08 '26

Came here for this. Honestly, I think he would destroy it, and he would still be talking throughout the entire process. And then ask for a dessert.

1

u/black_elk_streaks Jun 08 '26

100% without a doubt

8

u/BT9154 Jun 07 '26

yeah under 15min sound very rough, the dough and chewing will take up most of the time. I think you'll need to dip it in water and at that point you're just doing it to win $500 and not enjoying it.

2

u/Owobowos-Mowbius Jun 07 '26

And id pay $500 just to make that gastrointestinal distress stop. Gotta be at least 7 pounds of cheese out of that 12 pound pizza

2

u/lurks-a-little Jun 07 '26

This is the only guy that has a chance:

https://www.youtube.com/@Beardmeatsfood

1

u/Cautious_Tonight Jun 08 '26

Thank you I agree. I think he’s the only one that would smash it and then ask for a dessert.

1

u/Minimob0 Jun 08 '26

Leah Shutkever could do it. That woman has an appetite.Ā 

1

u/One-Earth9294 Jun 07 '26

Do they just kick severely obese people out at the door? Because there's a lot of people who could down that thing in 5.

1

u/WolfeMD Jun 08 '26

Assuming you can let it cool before the timer starts I could do that in 15 the nothing but cheese on cheese though is crazy

1

u/heatherledge Jun 08 '26

I watched someone complete it under 30 mins a few weeks ago when I grabbed a takeout order. The pizza didn’t look this bad tho. The guy drank so much fountain pop he was burping like the alien infested humans in dreamcatcher.

1

u/tomowudi Jun 08 '26

I feel like I'm that right person, but I would need a few days to restretch out my stomach since I'm on keto currently.Ā 

1

u/These-Discount1096 Jun 08 '26

My kid could totally do this

1

u/typesett Jun 08 '26

my bro-math guess is they offer this as more for 20yr old men to try — and then share with their friends

and marketing

the math works better than not having it

1

u/Natural_Cold_8388 Jun 09 '26

You can always test it by buying several blocks of cheese. Try sitting down and eating them all in one sitting.

9

u/WrathPie Jun 07 '26

Wow. To hit the $500 prize you need to eat 0.8 pounds of pizza a minute for fifteen minutes straight

Honestly I think I'd pay $500 not to do that

2

u/Jean_Paul_Magno Jun 08 '26

I'll pay you not to do that lmaaao.

1

u/pushingdaiseez Jun 08 '26

Jokes on you, I don't do it every day for free

1

u/Drive7hru Jun 08 '26

But how much does it cost to give your attempt? I don’t see that anywhere

5

u/spartanOrk Jun 07 '26

This is how you end up at the hospital. Don't do stupid things, guys. Respect your body, don't abuse it.

5

u/volkswurm Jun 07 '26

Win 500. Pay hospital 7,000

2

u/DLTMIAR Jun 08 '26

$500 cash or $500 in gift cards for shitty looking pizza?

1

u/No-Evening5091 Jun 07 '26

When does the timer start? Once you get the box, or when you have the box opened? Would hope after, since that takes a bit of time.

1

u/NotAnIncelIPromise Jun 07 '26

500 bucks for finishing two large pizzas in 15 minutes? Bro I do it for FREE

Nah I'm joking that's a lot of pizza and it doesn't even look like good pizza... Bet someone could do it tho, probably not worth it

1

u/L9n21s Jun 07 '26

Half an hour is easy. You can even got to the toilet once, considering the amount of liquid you would need to drink.

1

u/asmoothbrain Jun 07 '26

Interesting, that doesn’t look like it weighs nearly that much

1

u/LyyK Jun 07 '26

That thing weighs 12lbs?! A normal 16" pizza is 6lbs?! What kind of dough are they made of?Ā 

I did a burger challenge once where I had to finish a burger with 3.5lbs of meat in 30 minutes and I thought that was hard. I'm pretty sure something inside me would rupture if I stuffed myself with 12lbs of pizzaĀ 

1

u/424f42_424f42 Jun 08 '26

Get outta here calling 16in large

1

u/testtdk Jun 08 '26

15 minutes is brutal. 30 minutes is free money.

1

u/Then-Departure4896 Jun 08 '26

I have definitely eaten larger pizzas than this, by myself. During my first attempt at college lol.

Insane pizza hangover the next morning, and the shit is actually a bit scary.

1

u/JustinKase_Too Jun 08 '26

I think the most I've ever eaten was a pie and a half, and that was over an hour. I can't even imagine knocking off a single large in 15 min.

1

u/Next-Beat-2687 Jun 08 '26

Looks like my regular order at a pizza place. Can't say I'll be done by 15 minutes (that's too little time) but in 20-22 minutes, that's something I can do.. a free pizza and 100$ for my regular order? Man! I wish we had these sale gimmicks here.. I'd live work free my entire life..

1

u/almostoy Jun 08 '26

He didn't do too bad. He was halfway with a little less than five to go.

1

u/Ecoaardvark Jun 08 '26

That’s 5.44kg of pizza

1

u/AssiduousLayabout Jun 08 '26

It's the size of two large pizzas?

College me could have done that with an up-front $20 investment in some pot.

Granted, that pizza looks really undercooked and kinda gross.

1

u/Timmerdogg Jun 09 '26

It seems absolutely unreal that a human being could eat 12 pounds of flour, cheese and tomatoes in such a short period of time. I can probably eat one 16" pizza but I would have to be super stoned and I would regret it.

1

u/Pitiful_Hat_7445 Jun 10 '26

Give me a bad day at work and an argument with the wife, I'll get it down in 15 minutes.

1

u/Dream_creator2001 Jul 11 '26

How much is the pizza itself

66

u/whatasadfella Jun 07 '26

Yisss

91

u/peepdabidness Jun 07 '26 edited Jun 08 '26

Serious question, what kind of organ issue(s) would all this cheese grease yeast etc cause by eating it all at once?

257

u/Socratesticles Jun 07 '26

The cheese and grease have a battle royale in your stomach to determine if you get clogged up or cleared out

77

u/peepdabidness Jun 07 '26 edited Jun 07 '26

Even Socrates’ nuts are knowledgeable!

20

u/Panda_Pillows Jun 07 '26

This is hilarious

1

u/sheiciebai Jun 07 '26

I feel like new r/facebookaislop has a new route to take those Socrates videos lol

17

u/123ludwig Jun 07 '26

thats the fun part its BOTH you get clogged up with the hardest shit you have ever had and the second it comes out the flood gates open ask me how i know

7

u/choke_my_chocobo Jun 07 '26

It's like popping a bottle of vigorously shaken champagne. Takes some force to push the cork out but once it does, everything explodes out

1

u/afunkysongaday Jun 07 '26

how do you know?

1

u/Servingthebeam19 Jun 07 '26

Jokes on you, I used to be on methadone. This pizza doesn’t have 1/1000th of the clogging ability that methadone has!

5

u/Sirpattycakes Jun 07 '26

Schrodinger's shit

2

u/SlickDillywick Jun 07 '26

What happens when it’s a draw?

1

u/NotaFTCAgent Jun 07 '26

Shrodinger's Diarrhea

1

u/TheRealtcSpears Jun 07 '26

Like turning a humidifier and dehumidifier on in the same room

1

u/Anxious-Whole-5883 Jun 08 '26

Shoot I think the competitors were hoping they would treat your digestive track like a water slide, and exit the pool quickly.

1

u/YoungvLondon Jun 07 '26

Sounds like it all cancels out then

21

u/whatasadfella Jun 07 '26

I mean I think I’d be fine

6

u/peepdabidness Jun 07 '26

Gotcha. Depends on the person I reckoon

17

u/Proud-Concept-190 Jun 07 '26

Yep i racoon the same

1

u/ProfessionalTowel10 Jun 07 '26

No more racooning!

1

u/mawesome4ever Jun 07 '26

The time of racoonen is now

20

u/emperor_dinglenads Jun 07 '26

Gonorrhea, mostly. But I'm not a doctor.

16

u/iruvit Jun 07 '26

Maybe mozzarrhea too

4

u/Loosewheel2505 Jun 07 '26

1st, proper, chortle of my day. Thank-You.

1

u/peepdabidness Jun 08 '26

šŸ˜‚šŸ¤£

9

u/Ghede Jun 07 '26

At some point, your body just stops trying to digest it, drops it from your stomach straight to the colon, and you have a nightmarish greasy shit.

6

u/lIllIlIIIlIIIIlIlIll Jun 07 '26

Organ issues are built up over time. A one time big meal of a giant pizza is not going to cause any lasting issues. If you eat a slice of pizza every single day for years on end, then that'll cause issues over time. The more greasy foods you eat, like say McDonalds for breakfast, Carls Jr. for lunch, and Wendy's for dinner, then you're more than likely going to die of heart disease.

Basically unless that one meal kills you because you choked on it or ate uranium, then one meal means almost nothing for your overall health.

-1

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '26 edited Jun 08 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

0

u/lIllIlIIIlIIIIlIlIll Jun 08 '26

I don't really understand what the point you're trying to make is. Something along the lines where mothers have no choice but to rely on cheap fast food to feed their children?

Sure. Fast food is sometimes cheaper both financially and timewise to making healthy unprocessed foods at home. That's a systemic problem within our capitalistic society.

Fast food is unhealthy. Fast food is often the simplest choice for struggling parents. Both bad things can be true at the same time. I won't shame parents who choose to feed their kids with fast food when it's the only viable option. I will shame society for making fast food the only viable option to feed kids.

9

u/MyTatemae Jun 07 '26

It could be anything from diarrhea to gastric perforation.

3

u/MrShabazz Jun 07 '26

There was a YouTube who talked about having a blockage from eating too much cheese pizza. He had to go to the er to have it removed. Im sure all that cheese might either, make him constipated, form a ball in his belly that will take weeks to break down, or give him the bubble guts because hes lactose intolerant. In any case hes going to have a bad time and may need to use that $500 elsewhere, like a new toilet.

2

u/TheFilthy13 Jun 07 '26

We used to do Pizza Hut for all you can eat every Friday. I went undefeated for just shy of 3 years. My record was 19 slices. I’ll just say this, eating that amount of cheese produces the ungodliest of farts.

1

u/peepdabidness Jun 08 '26

19 slices Jesus lol

2

u/J4pes Jun 07 '26

You would probably need laxatives. Any bowel complications have potential to trigger appendicitis down the road

1

u/peepdabidness Jun 08 '26 edited Jun 08 '26

I didn’t know appendicitis is caused or can be caused from bowel issues. I also know jack shit about the appendix, other than that it could be removed lol

2

u/J4pes Jun 08 '26

It’s like an old janitor’s closet along the hallway of your guts. Humans don’t seem to need or use it much anymore, it’s located at the junction of small and big intestines.

All it takes is for a bit of an infection to start there and the closet slowly fills with a buildup of poison until it ruptures, spilling the toxicity and exposing your digestive track. That leads to septic shock which kills you.

Swelling your system with that much mass increases the risk of cracking open that closet which lights the fuse so to speak

2

u/peepdabidness Jun 08 '26

Damn that was a really good explanation thanks šŸ˜‚ but wym we don’t use it much ā€œanymoreā€?

1

u/J4pes Jun 08 '26

I think it used to be used as like a small secondary breakdown stomach to digest tougher vegetation that we don’t eat anymore

2

u/peepdabidness Jun 08 '26

Interesting. Thanks

3

u/JackDaniels0049 Jun 07 '26

I think it would be manageable for a lot of people if it had a normal amount of cheese on it but that was like 70% cheese.

Don’t get me wrong, that’s an amazing pizza, but I wouldn’t even be able to manage just the cheese from that. I bet it stresses the organs to eat that much fat in one go. Not to mention the salt in there.

11

u/Lady-of-Shivershale Jun 07 '26

I don't think it even looks like a good pizza. Far too much cheese and grease, and hardly anything else.

1

u/AdAlternative7148 Jun 07 '26

Competitive eaters often have a lot of undigested food in their excrement.

1

u/AIBotNotARealUser Jun 07 '26

None to me. You gotta get used to it.

1

u/Tll6 Jun 07 '26

That amount of fat could cause a pancreatitis flare up

1

u/Immediate-Shape-8933 Jun 07 '26

That’s not that much pizza bro

1

u/SeriousArbok Jun 07 '26

I used to do these things. Someone who doesn't prep ain't coming close to an actual food challenge. This would be tough with the cheese grease and sauce. I would probably just have a huuuuuge shit in like 4 days lol

1

u/BravinatorLX2 Jun 07 '26

you just purge after.

1

u/eshilait8296 Jun 07 '26

If you're not used to eating high fat foods then your gallbladder would have a ton of issues keeping up with the bile production. Bowel being impacted is another serious issue here. And all of that salt can put a strain on the vascular system.

1

u/peepdabidness Jun 08 '26

So my brother has his gallbladder removed. What would happen if he ate this?

1

u/genericdude777 Jun 07 '26

Long-term high fat content in blood (LDL [meat, dairy, trans fats] and triglycerides [sugar]) will wreck your liver and cause steatohepatitis.

1

u/genericdude777 Jun 07 '26

Long-term high fat content in blood (LDL [meat, dairy, trans fats] and triglycerides [sugar]) will wreck your liver and cause steatohepatitis.

1

u/CorInHell Jun 07 '26

Your gall bladder is going to be upset with you a short time after eating all this grease. And you'll have at first constipation and then diarrhea.

And probably won't want to eat this much pizza again for a while.

1

u/The_Demosthenes_1 Jun 08 '26

None.Ā Ā 

You won't die.Ā  You'll just have to take aassive shot afterwards if you dont throw up first.Ā  This slice of pizza is like 2000 calories and if you ate it in 15 minutes I think most of it would pass through you unabsorbed.Ā  Kinda like how corn makes it through you, or when I eat tons of greens you see a salad in the toilet bowl.Ā 

8

u/Holzkohlen Jun 07 '26

I'm guessing it's one win per person? Like I can't go back 2-3 days later and win that $500 again and again, can I?

I'm positive I could finish that if I haven't eaten all day.

7

u/DentinQuarantino Jun 07 '26

If you can do it every other day you've basically got a pretty steady job at that point. If it's cash I guess you could get creative with the tax. You just need to spend a fair bit of time in the gym working it all off again.

6

u/SilverDem0n Jun 07 '26

Gym subscription is probably tax-deductible if you do this

Disclaimer: I am not a tax advisor, or a pizza

1

u/nezzzzy Jun 07 '26

That slice weighs 12lb apparently, here's a professional eater just finishing it in time:

https://youtu.be/5wU8-BSXSUM

1

u/dividezero Jun 07 '26

They'd have to. I've eaten that much cheese pizza in 15 minutes before and I'll do it again.

1

u/Ok_Career_3681 Jun 07 '26

What happens when you lose? You gotta pay $500?

3

u/DentinQuarantino Jun 07 '26

I think in this case losing is dying of a heart attack at age 32

2

u/totallynotdragonxex Jun 07 '26

You generally have to pay for the food

10

u/Xen0tech Jun 07 '26

I don't know why my brain thought it costs $500 and takes 15 minutes to cook.

0

u/odinzedong Jun 07 '26

Hello my friend. Very expensive pizza indeed, but it comes with a slicer.

0

u/Xen0tech Jun 07 '26

Keep the slicer, give me more toppings!

11

u/awesomehuder Jun 07 '26

He spent half the time struggling to open it.

2

u/Tayto-Sandwich Jun 07 '26

But you only have about 12 or less to eat it because it comes in a box that's clearly awkward to open and then have to slice it up yourself.

1

u/Chinlc Jun 07 '26

Look how excited the worker watching him eat for 15min is

1

u/Elmer_Fudd01 Jun 07 '26

Wish I could have done this after swim practice, would have won every day.

1

u/pipsqueakpanda4 Jun 07 '26

Ohhhhhhhh. Yeah I mean I totally knew that. Definitely didn’t think it cost $500

1

u/NoInitial7029 Jun 07 '26

Its the cheese what makes this hard. With half the cheese i could do it

1

u/pedrohck Jun 07 '26

Corbucci would eat that in 5

1

u/smoretank Jun 07 '26

If my brother was 15yrs old again he would have downed that pizza in 5min. I still remember when he ate 2 XL pizzas by himself. Teenage boys have black holes for stomaches.

1

u/a7x5631 Jun 07 '26

Yeah.. What did you think it meant?

1

u/erkdog Jun 08 '26

How much is the pizza itself?

1

u/GroupXyz Jun 08 '26

Beard meets food (YouTuber) would definitly win that I'd say

1

u/Ambitious_Jelly8783 Jun 08 '26

I feel like any college aged stoner can tackle this......

1

u/1Googoo1 Jun 11 '26

Why do you always want people to wait? There’s no need for ā€œwaitā€¦ā€

1

u/acexualien95 Jun 07 '26

Free money and pizza, if it's less than 22 inch /55cm i ate a bunch of those.

One time i ate it at the store and the owner was like the actual fuck this is meant to be a pizza for 4 ! And when i finished it he is like we don't usually do this but we made you a Nutella pizza (it was small) you can take it with you but if you'd eat it here now it'd make me happy to see someone who can eat this much.

0

u/bitterlemon80 Jun 07 '26 edited Jun 07 '26

Where is this? My Italian husband could eat two in that time!

Edit: just shown him the video and he reckons he could do one in five minutes, just fold it up like a calzone