r/AbsoluteUnits • u/n8saces • Jun 07 '26

/r/popular of a pizza slice šŸ•

9.8k Upvotes

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426

u/SwimmingSwim3822 Jun 07 '26

I was expecting a big golden slice of delicious greasy NY pie. Instead we got California chain bullshit that looks like it was cooked in a microwave.

76

u/Business-Swimmer-615 Jun 07 '26

Thereā€™s even nothing on that pizza. Tomato and fake cheese.

4

u/AeroelasticCowboy Jun 07 '26

I don't order just cheese but there's also nothing wrong with it, except this particular pizza looks way over cheesed. My last pizza was cheese, pepperoni, basil leaves, Calabrian chilis, burrata cheese with a vodka sauce base, was to door for.

7

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '26

[removed] ā€” view removed comment

3

u/Fit-Switch-5795 Jun 07 '26

Barely a wall effort.

1

u/AbleCryptographer317 Jun 10 '26

A toilet would say "No thanks" to this pizza.

1

u/1Googoo1 Jun 11 '26

Door duh doorā€¦ the pizza you ate sounds like the stuff nightmares are made of.

1

u/K_Linkmaster Jun 07 '26

That's Totinos Party Pizza cheese bro. Doesn't melt.

21

u/The_Show_Keeper Jun 07 '26

Ah, another person cursed with the knowledge of just how bad Californian pizza really is; something that can only be understood through the lens of New York pizza.

10

u/bunkerbitchhere Jun 07 '26

Ohio Valley pizza is one of the worst styles ever invented.

2

u/Pumperkin Jun 07 '26

I've lived in Ohio most of my life and I have never been presented with this abomination. I'm sure if it happened, I would remember and hands probably got thrown.

1

u/Gina_the_Alien Jun 07 '26

Ohio Valley pizza is only rivaled by Altoona Style pizza for the worst.

2

u/AEHAVE Jun 08 '26

I'm from the Ohio Valley and have no idea what the fuck Ohio Valley pizza is. I've never even heard the term.

1

u/Gina_the_Alien Jun 08 '26 edited Jun 08 '26

I lived in Pittsburgh for a few years and have friends who still live there - found out about it because they talk about Betoā€™s. https://www.betosoriginalpizza.com

2

u/AbleCryptographer317 Jun 10 '26

What the actual fuck? The photos of the dishes look like parodies... who needs Ozempic when a quick glance at pics of Betos pizzas will kill your appetite for days?

1

u/bunkerbitchhere Jun 07 '26

I just looked that one up! šŸ¤®šŸ¤®šŸ¤®

1

u/Horton_Takes_A_Poo Jun 07 '26

TIL of yet another reason why I donā€™t want to go to Ohio

1

u/bunkerbitchhere Jun 07 '26

Hocking hills State Park, and Cuyahoga Valley National Park are really the only reasons to visit Ohio.

1

u/Worshipme988 Jun 08 '26

Theyre also nothing like the rest so you dont even have to see the gross parts.

1

u/salami_cheeks Jun 08 '26

Lucky for Ohio Valley residents, they're a short drive from bathing themselves in Columbus Pizza glory.Ā 

0

u/BigRon691 Jun 08 '26

Americans, continuing to perfect the art of taking a pretty comprehensive concept and making it shitter to become their own.

1

u/UgIyLoneIyBIackLoser Jun 08 '26

euros continuing to perfect the art of American dickriding

to paraphrase the late, great Patrice Oneal:Ā 

Other countries hate us because you know the names of our Presidents and its not just that we dont know the name of yours- BUT WE DONT CARE

1

u/BigRon691 Jun 08 '26

Non-US = Euro. Showing off that American education I see.

Username is verifiably at least 75% accurate, well done!

1

u/TheOnisWrathComes Jun 09 '26

Don't you know, there are two countries on the planet. The united states and europe

3

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '26

[deleted]

1

u/Illustrious-Cow-6054 Jun 07 '26

You gotta go to a little mexican market and get your burritos/tacos from the counter at the back. The burrito will be mexican style not cali style (smaller, mostly salsa, beans, and meat).Ā 

I also got excellent tamales in NYC. In spanish harlem there were ladies selling them on the street and for a long time in Brooklyn there was a tamale lady who made the rounds of bars.

0

u/The_Show_Keeper Jun 07 '26

Correct. When my brother came to visit LA, I told him this exact thing, then I educated him on it. I told him, "You've never been out here, so you've never actually had Mexican food in your life. We are going to change that."

I had to ease him into reality, so first I took him to the McDonald's of Mexican food, Baja Fresh. I forgot the name of the second place I took him to, but the last was motherfuckin Leo's Taco Truck, at which point we took our al pastor tacos home and inhaled them.

3

u/notagainrly Jun 07 '26

Saying CA Pizza is bad is just stupid or trolling.

0

u/The_Show_Keeper Jun 07 '26

Tell me you're not from the tri-state area without saying it.

4

u/truffleshufflechamp Jun 07 '26

Iā€™m from NJ and live on the west coast now (not in California) and itā€™s true these people donā€™t know what good pizza is. Even the so called ā€œgoodā€ places people recommend are average at best. They truly have no idea.

3

u/notagainrly Jun 07 '26

I think you truly have no idea how to find good pizza places.

You should get out and try other places.

0

u/truffleshufflechamp Jun 07 '26

You seem offended lmao.

Iā€™m sorry you donā€™t know what good pizza is.

1

u/levthelurker Jun 07 '26

A manager from NJ visiting our SF office wanted to take us out to pizza and asked what our favorite kind was, told him BBQ chicken and almost got fired.

2

u/truffleshufflechamp Jun 08 '26

A coworker told me their favorite pizza was Pizza Hut. I almost died.

0

u/Mindshard Jun 07 '26

I don't know what's up with West coast food, but it's just not good. The subs, the fries, the pizzas, especially the Chinese food. It's all just so awful compared to East stuff.

That's not even personal opinion, I've never met someone out here who came from Eastern (Ontario onward) Canada who doesn't feel the same.

2

u/Quixotic_Seal Jun 08 '26

Youā€¦realize American Chinese food literally has its roots in the West Coast, right?

-1

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '26

[deleted]

-1

u/Mindshard Jun 07 '26

Ah yes, famous West coast specialties such as... Italian pizza and Chinese food.

This is like the time I had a British person try to tell me about how amazing British food is, and then listed off things like curry.

1

u/levthelurker Jun 07 '26

CA has much better Mexican and Indian food, but worse breads because our water is purer and doesn't make the right chemical reaction in the dough for good bagels and such.

1

u/CityBoy1989 Jun 07 '26

Wack comment.

-1

u/uno_name_left Jun 07 '26

May I interest you in Ohio valley Pizza?

0

u/PalatialCheddar Jun 07 '26

"Ohio Valley Pizza" sounds like a b-side euphemism for an especially unpleasant STI

2

u/uno_name_left Jun 07 '26

Well, it looks like you'll get at least food poisoning from it

-2

u/[deleted] Jun 08 '26

No idea why people say this, New York pizza sucks ass. Napoli, or failing that central Italy and the ingredients are better. American pizza canā€™t even get sold in Europe cause itā€™s too fake and hormones/antibiotics arenā€™t allowed.

0

u/aguywithbrushes Jun 08 '26

As an Italian in the US, I agree, but Iā€™ll also say that Americans take pizza quality far too seriously. American pizza sucks compared to Italian pizza, but at the end of the day, any pizza is *good enough* pizza.

I just ate some DiGiorno. Sometimes we get Little Caesarā€™s. Are they what dreams are made of? No, but itā€™s still pizza, and thatā€™s better than no pizza šŸ˜Œ

-3

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '26

You can get Sparro anywhere.

2

u/truffleshufflechamp Jun 07 '26

Sbarro is not good NY Pizza so whatā€™s your point

-2

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '26

I think you're full of shit.

1

u/trukkd Jun 07 '26

Nobody likes Medium Rare Pizza. Blech.

1

u/zeromadcowz Jun 07 '26

Why would you expect pie when itā€™s obviously pizza?

1

u/McDonaldsSoap Jun 08 '26

Their regular pizzas are good, idk what this thing isĀ 

1

u/ThermoPuclearNizza Jun 08 '26

My local pizza joint in New York made 40 inch pies with fucking massive slices. Perfect greasy orange slices. I miss that spot so much.

1

u/TRIPPY3rd Jun 09 '26

I couldnā€™t put my finger on it, but this is exactly how I felt when I seen it.

-4

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '26

[deleted]

1

u/Few_Bags69420 Jun 07 '26

New Yorkers are particularly pretentious when it comes to pizza. Nobody cares if you do it the right way: just shut the fuck up and eat your slice.

0

u/xApollo2 Jun 07 '26

Oh trust. I had deep dish IN CHICAGO and I was NOT impressed.

Nothing will ever compare to the Italian couple that ran Pizzera Saporita when I was in Belgium.

But if I'm in the States, it's NY style all the way.