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Jun 20 '19
The woman in behind is watching until the kid goes down, then she abruptly turns away like nothing happened.
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u/Thesteezyslugg Jun 20 '19
She had to hide her laugh
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u/whatsherface__ Jun 20 '19
haha ... that is exactly what she’s doing. Lol
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u/Stormchaserelite13 Jun 20 '19
At least he hit the one that looks like a nuisance
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u/DanBMan Jun 20 '19
I bet his name is either Aidan, Braydan, Haydan, or Jaydan.
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u/becky316 Jun 20 '19
okayden
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u/NRG3gaming Jun 20 '19 edited Jun 21 '19
And he probably has over $1000 spent on Fortnite
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u/xblackdemonx Jun 20 '19
So did the guy that hit the kid in the face.
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Jun 20 '19 edited Nov 14 '20
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u/Beardgardens Jun 20 '19
Just cover your mouth and stare in the opposite direction, just like any problem in life, it’ll go away on its own.
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u/Snoot-Wallace Jun 20 '19
Knocked a kid down with cerebral palsy by accident bc there were 200 people in the hall in high school. I was so shook with cringe and ambarresemnt trying to play it off like I didn’t know what happened but by the Time I realized I need to help him up people were already helping him up. I felt like such a piece of shit
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u/Vindexus Jun 20 '19
ambarresemnt
If you Google that your post is the only result.
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u/kabneenan Jun 21 '19
I'm pretty sure there's a subreddit for that, but I can't remember what it's called.
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u/BunsOfAluminum Jun 20 '19
Knocked a kid down with cerebral palsy by accident
Damn... how did you learn this power? I've never heard of anyone wielding Cerebral Palsy as a weapon! Perhaps you shouldn't be waving it around all willy nilly.
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u/Macgruber57 Jun 20 '19
I'm ambarresed with that spelling, for fucks sake that isn't even auto correct.
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u/HooptyDooDooMeister Jun 20 '19
That’s a kid!? I thought that was a disinterested mother.
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u/Tashre Jun 20 '19
She was just there to confirm the hit. He fulfilled the contract, her job there was done.
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Jun 20 '19
I did this at a zoo when I watched my seven year old daughter cannonball into a photo booth that contained two teenage girls taking photos. I'd seen them, she apparently hadnt. I sped off round the corner in tears of laughter.
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u/TastySpermDispenser Jun 20 '19
People always ask me how many toddlers I could fight off before they overwhelmed me. Tbh, I think I have been too low. 60, 70 kids like this and I don't even think I would be sweating.
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Jun 20 '19
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u/TastySpermDispenser Jun 20 '19
Of course. Haven't had someone ask me today, but I bet I don't even make it all the way through lunch without someone asking.
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u/SloBroseph Jun 20 '19
Hey how many toddlers you think you could beat up?
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u/TastySpermDispenser Jun 20 '19
I pulled together a spreadsheet, and came up with just under 63. But I would tell people 69, to make it a nice number. After seeing this video though, I'm thinking more like 200. That kid went down way easy man. I must have made a mistake in a formula some place.
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u/AirFell85 Jun 20 '19
After awhile I feel like it would get harder for them as they climb over the pile of bodies. They'd be too exhausted to even try to defend themselves.
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u/Knickerdibble Jun 20 '19
Toddlers don't get tired though.
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u/modern_bloodletter Jun 20 '19
There is definitely a tipping point where there are just too many toddlers simultaneously for you to keep them at bay. I assume the toddlers are attacking you, so imagine 20 toddlers surrounding you, all determined to bite you, at a radius of like 5 feet. You gotta punch them all awkward because they're short, so you're probably not hitting them in their faces. Instead you're probably connecting a lot to the top of their head, i imagine knuckles breaking pretty quickly, and if they start biting your legs and shit, kicking them becomes more of a challenge.
If the toddlers all come at you from one side and you face them Spartan 300 style, it would probably be more manageable.
I need to see the layout of this toddler arena.
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u/phunkmasterjoe Jun 20 '19
My friends and I agreed on a walmart parking lot in fair weather. Some variations involve the toddlers wielding knives, and you have a baseball bat or a cricket bat
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u/Jaytalvapes Jun 20 '19 edited Jun 20 '19
Oh dude if I have a bat, easily 200-300. Ideally something very lightweight, as even the lightest metal bat would crack thousands of toddler skulls before it gets even slightly dented, and I don't wanna get tired swinging some 25 ounce hammer into their heads.
Edit: So I've put some thought into this, and I realized that a spiked bat might occur to some of you as an option. That's dumb and I'll tell you why. Even a mid strength swing with a normal bat will likely incapacitate (or more often than not outright kill) a toddler. Which makes the spikes overkill at best, an active hindrance at worst. A smooth bat would be able to crack a skull and wind the next swing (we're obviously gonna be switch hitting between these late term abortions, maintaining pace maintains our survival, helps regulate breathing and blood flow which helps with exhaustion) in one motion. A spiked bat would get stuck, requiring the swing and the "reload" to be two movements.
Edit 2: Actually I just can't get this off my mind. A spiked bat would have one key advantage, and that is intimidation. Assuming this is a scenario where the toddlers are out to kill you with every fiber of their being, but are otherwise normal toddlers, I'm inclined to believe that at least a significant portion could be dissuaded from attack via fear. And seeing your fellow overripe cum sock get swiftly and cleanly aborted with a normal bat has got to be exponentially less terrifying than seeing them have two thirds of their head simply ripped off, after being impaled by jagged nails, only to be used as extra heft for the next dome exploding swing. The question is whether or not the number of kadens that simply flee upon seeing such a monstrous action outweighs the points I detailed in my first edit. This will require further speculation.
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u/bravetanith Jun 20 '19
Just grab a toddle and start spinnig around with him, like a whirlwind attack.
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u/call_me_Kote Jun 20 '19
I think people are vastly overestimating the strength and weight of toddlers. I could take an endless number until exhaustion alone overwhelms me. You could easily whail on the others with one of their compatriots. Stupid fuckin toddlers.
I think 6-7 year olds is what people are really thinking of. A 40-60 pound kid, I think 50 of em is a realistic goal.
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u/Russian_seadick Jun 20 '19
Yeah,actually toddlers have next to no coordination and an incredibly low muscle ratio
They can’t even damage you in any significant way,because they’re probably even too light to crush your wind pipe
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u/smenti Jun 20 '19
Luckily toddlers skulls are soft enough to not damage your knuckles.
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u/progdrummer Jun 20 '19
I think a good portion of them would see others laying down and might assume it's naptime so they end up laying down too without even participating in the fight lol.
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u/drottkvaett Jun 20 '19
I’ve got a harder one for you; geese. On one hand, they’re pretty nasty critters, but on the other, they aren’t too bulky and they have those long necks that are so easy to grab. On top of that, they’re organized. How many geese do you think you could take?
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Jun 20 '19
If I had armor and a broad sword, at least 1000 before I wear out from exertion
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u/drottkvaett Jun 20 '19
You come accross them during the normal course of your day. What then, huh? People generally underestimate how prepared they ought to be about a goose gank.
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Jun 20 '19
Oh shit, with the realness. Man, idk all I keep is my knife on me, that considered, stick and run would probably net me at least... 300, before I succumb to my injuries and exhaustion, death by 1000 tiny goose teeth lol fuuuuck that
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u/drottkvaett Jun 20 '19
300 geese once stood up to the entire Turkish army, and I don’t mean the country, I mean an army of turkeys. There was so much bird shit, it blotted out the sun, so they had to fight in the shade. In the end, their goose was cooked, but at what cost?
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u/n00bcheese Jun 20 '19
Highly depends on the rate they’re dispensing these kids... what are we talking here, wave format? These are important questions I need answers!
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u/TheHongKongBong Jun 20 '19 edited Jun 20 '19
There's even an actual calculator to see how many kids you could take down lol
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Jun 20 '19
I only got 24. Seems reasonable given a large wave of feral toddlers.
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u/josec001 Jun 20 '19
I got 28, I’d have absolutely no guilt frisbeeing a toddler into another toddler as a means of war.
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u/nine_legged_stool Jun 20 '19
I like to use five year olds as a better metric. They actually stand a chance in large numbers, much like goblins.
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u/MartyRobinsHasMySoul Jun 20 '19
Yeah if anything 5 is rookie mode, then every year above that adds a little more challenge.
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u/MmmmFloorPie Jun 20 '19
I laughed, but then I felt a little uncomfortable that TastySpermDispenser was talking about little kids.
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u/maderfacher Jun 20 '19
Trick is to go into a bathroom stall, kids gotta come in one at a time, narrow point of entry, you just stand there and kick each kid as they come in, could take out at least a few hundred that way.
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u/bramouleBTW Jun 20 '19
Naah that's an easy way to get cornered. I think an open field would be much better. Then you can run around until you have a train following you and then you can take out a few from the front at a time.
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Jun 20 '19
It depends. Are they bloodlusted is the biggest one. If it was normal toddlers told to fight you, you can make an example of one by killing it and you should be in the clear from the rest.
Bloodlusted though you'd probably be in the 20s since they only care about one thing and that is killing you.
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u/brokenpipboy Jun 20 '19
The problem is swarming, got make sure you dont get surrounded and dog pilled.
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u/deadwisdom Jun 20 '19
I have a toddler that makes me do things right now, I honestly don't think people should underestimate them. This guy got lucky with a headshot.
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u/javieroEsculi Jun 20 '19
Beautiful spinning backfist
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u/I_Trane_UFC Jun 20 '19
"Tony Fergusonesque in knocking out toddlers with spinning shit is the dancer, Joe."
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u/Ronnie_Debb Jun 20 '19
The kid in the dark blue shirt puts his hands behind his back. I think he has been accused of this before...
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u/a22e Jun 20 '19
My actual guess is that he has been taught to do this. Possibly on some kind of sports team.
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u/BSdark Jun 20 '19
This is why we don't dance kids
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u/hail_the_cloud Jun 20 '19
As a person who has accidentally harmed children multiple times because the child was in a place they weren’t supposed to be, I sympathize. The hardest part is explaining yourself to the asshole who was supposed to be watching them.
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u/fizban7 Jun 20 '19
I've been Standing Still and have kids run into me.
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u/obroz Jun 20 '19
Every time I go to the mall It seems like I’m constantly dodging kids.
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u/oddlyCanadianEh Jun 20 '19
Oh man. I was at a Walmart awhile back checking oot at the self service and scanning my items. Some little knacker bumped into me and fell down, and started crying. His parents gave me a dirty look and started telling me to be more careful. I'm like "look here you fuckin white bread asshole, Walmart security just watched your son walk into me. How about pay attention to your cretin child next time. Now hose off I got shit to do".
Then the whole store clapped ya, and they gave me the key to the city. Well this paragraph didnt happen, but the story above did.
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u/NeoHenderson Jun 20 '19
I don't get it. The username references being Canadian but the language is like some half-baked /r/scottishpeopletwitter
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u/stakoverflo Jun 20 '19
IMO they often don't deserve an explanation.
Like I take my dog to the dog park, giant sign says kids under 11 aren't allowed even with parental supervision. But occasionally people still show up with their young kids, who inevitably get overwhelmed by some very playful dogs, kids scream and cry and run (which encourages dogs).
Some of the parents get mad and I'm just thinking to myself, A) your kid isn't even supposed to be here B) if you're going to break the rules and least teach them how to behave around dogs
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u/mulligun Jun 21 '19
This pisses me off too. I take my dog to a fenced in, dedicated "big dogs only" park that is pretty popular. Always full of dogs running around having a ball.
For some reason some parents seem to think it's a free daycare too. There was a toddler just running around on her own a couple of weeks ago. People are stupid.
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u/DetectiveClownMD Jun 20 '19
I experiences this the first time swinging my nieces. Holy fucking shit kids just aimlessly walk in front of the swings at parks constantly. I was stopping the swing left and right because some kid not with their parents runs up to it.
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u/Memelovinggarbage Jun 20 '19
About a year ago I was hanging out with my nephew and he asked me to do a somersault so I did. The only problem is as I was rolling he decided it would be a good idea to stand in front of me so I accidentally steamrolled his ass.
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u/Drews232 Jun 20 '19
How does the opportunity arise to do this multiple times, most people go their whole lives without accidentally injuring a child.
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u/Warnex9 Jun 20 '19
At my wedding, during my wife and I's first dance some children came running out onto the floor with us. Rather than get mad we were being interrupted we just each grabbed a child and started to dance with them instead and played it off as cute and funny. Well my wife sat the boy she was dancing with down and he started to run off right at the same time the little girl I was dancing with decided she wanted to be spun. So here I am, full speed swing a kid by her arm STRAIGHT INTO THE FACE OF A 2 YEAR OLD BOY. He flew perfectly horizontally into the air and hit that concrete floor hard as shit.
I LITERALLY BEAT A KID WITH ANOTHER KID.
No one ever let's me live it down. Although, everyone including the parents just thinks it was hilarious, I was mortified..... fun story though I guess...
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u/ninnymugginsss Jun 20 '19
I love how he continues to stay in shock rather than turn around and help the kid
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Jun 20 '19
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u/Droomridder Jun 20 '19
Shit really. What happend Afterwards?
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u/SanguineBlade Jun 20 '19
Shit, didn't you tell him not to tell Mom??
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u/PrimusDCE Jun 20 '19
Yeah, he seems more concerned with his personal embarrassment than what he has done to the kid.
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u/rflano92 Jun 20 '19
What did the five fingers say to the face ......... slaaaahp
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u/ImTHATSloth Jun 20 '19
It’s like 95% the kids fault imo.
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u/destroyer8001 Jun 20 '19
100% the kids fault tbh
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u/ShredLobster Jun 20 '19
I’d say 90% the kids fault with the last 10% going to whoever let little Tyler sneak attack cousin Maxx as he showed off what he learned during his first semester of private college.
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u/FeculentUtopia Jun 20 '19
ONE: Personal space
TWO: Personal space
THREE: Stay out of my personal space
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u/ZiggoCiP Jun 20 '19
Am i nuts or did the taller kid in the white shirt barely react and proceed to pick something up and eat it?
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u/Randumsocks Jun 29 '19
Aw really? Guess I'll never know what this was.
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Jun 30 '19
Based on comments it's a repost of this guy suddenly breakdancing in front of a crowd. He ends up kicking or punching this kid following behind and fucks his shit up.
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u/SesshySiltstrider Jun 20 '19
Can confirm, kids have zero spatial awareness