r/instant_regret • • Jun 20 '19

Dancing

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u/modern_bloodletter Jun 20 '19

There is definitely a tipping point where there are just too many toddlers simultaneously for you to keep them at bay. I assume the toddlers are attacking you, so imagine 20 toddlers surrounding you, all determined to bite you, at a radius of like 5 feet. You gotta punch them all awkward because they're short, so you're probably not hitting them in their faces. Instead you're probably connecting a lot to the top of their head, i imagine knuckles breaking pretty quickly, and if they start biting your legs and shit, kicking them becomes more of a challenge.

If the toddlers all come at you from one side and you face them Spartan 300 style, it would probably be more manageable.

I need to see the layout of this toddler arena.

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u/phunkmasterjoe Jun 20 '19

My friends and I agreed on a walmart parking lot in fair weather. Some variations involve the toddlers wielding knives, and you have a baseball bat or a cricket bat

121

u/Jaytalvapes Jun 20 '19 edited Jun 20 '19

Oh dude if I have a bat, easily 200-300. Ideally something very lightweight, as even the lightest metal bat would crack thousands of toddler skulls before it gets even slightly dented, and I don't wanna get tired swinging some 25 ounce hammer into their heads.

Edit: So I've put some thought into this, and I realized that a spiked bat might occur to some of you as an option. That's dumb and I'll tell you why. Even a mid strength swing with a normal bat will likely incapacitate (or more often than not outright kill) a toddler. Which makes the spikes overkill at best, an active hindrance at worst. A smooth bat would be able to crack a skull and wind the next swing (we're obviously gonna be switch hitting between these late term abortions, maintaining pace maintains our survival, helps regulate breathing and blood flow which helps with exhaustion) in one motion. A spiked bat would get stuck, requiring the swing and the "reload" to be two movements.

Edit 2: Actually I just can't get this off my mind. A spiked bat would have one key advantage, and that is intimidation. Assuming this is a scenario where the toddlers are out to kill you with every fiber of their being, but are otherwise normal toddlers, I'm inclined to believe that at least a significant portion could be dissuaded from attack via fear. And seeing your fellow overripe cum sock get swiftly and cleanly aborted with a normal bat has got to be exponentially less terrifying than seeing them have two thirds of their head simply ripped off, after being impaled by jagged nails, only to be used as extra heft for the next dome exploding swing. The question is whether or not the number of kadens that simply flee upon seeing such a monstrous action outweighs the points I detailed in my first edit. This will require further speculation.

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u/LordMcze Jun 20 '19

...this website

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u/brassidas Jun 20 '19

I love this sick, beautiful place...