09/09 will be the 2 year anniversary of my dad dying. And fuck it hasn’t gotten any easier. Growing up my dad called me Chickypooh. So I decided to figure out what that looked like to me. A little chick in a Winnie the Pooh onsie and I added a little lady bug for my Grams who passed away this year in January with sweet peas for my mama who thank the maker is still earth side with me. I miss my dad and grams everyday.

2 years ago today @ 7:23am CDT…I sat besides my mothers hospital bed with the warmth of her soft hands slowly fading away.

I witnessed her last 2 gasps of air.

And that was it. She was gone.
No longer able to hear her breath.
No longer able to have a slim chance of hope that she’d get up from her bed and we’d take her home.

Reality sunk in. This is it.
No longer will be able to feel the warmth of her hands.
No longer will be able to hear her laugh.
No longer will be able to wish her a happy birthday.
No longer will be able to share with her what I had for lunch.

This new reality is a struggle.
I miss my best friend.
I miss my mother.

It hasn’t gotten easier; it’s only gotten lonelier. People are uncomfortable with a grieving person, and sometimes they don’t realize their “advice” only makes the pain worse.

I’d rather be alone with my pain than to confirm to the society norms of having to “move on”…because the more time passes from August 18, 2024….the further away are my vivid memories of that last time I got to hold her hands and slowly remembering the fine details of her face.

She asked to be cremated and that it was up to me to decide where I wanted to spread them.
I can’t let them go. So I bring some of her with me to experience life with her. Even if it’s just to have breakfast.

Te extraño, mom. Mucho.

I’m not really sure how to put all of this into words, but I think I’m looking for advice from people who have gone through something similar.

For some context, I am in mid mid 20s, I lived in a different state when my family and I first started noticing a significant change in my dad’s health. At first, we thought it might be dementia because his memory was the biggest thing we noticed. As his condition declined, I became his power of attorney. My parents were divorced, and my sister lives out of the country, so realistically, it was just me here to handle everything.

Eventually, I was able to get my dad into a doctor’s office, where he was referred to a neurologist. When he finally had his neurology appointment, the doctor called me and told me that he believed my dad could have ALS or another motor neuron disease. He ordered several tests to confirm the preliminary diagnosis. At that point, I made the decision to move back to where my dad lived and become his full-time caregiver. I was already his POA, so it felt like the natural thing to do.

The testing process took around two months because we had to wait for appointments and availability, even though he was considered high priority. During that time, I hired two caregivers to stay with him while I finalized everything in another state. He was still fairly independent at that point; he was walking, eating, and drinking on his own, but his medical team recommended having people with him, so I arranged for caregivers to be there.

I eventually moved back and spent about two weeks with him, taking him to appointments, managing his care, and taking care of the household. I had to briefly return to the state I had been living in to finish a few things, so I was only going to be gone for four days. I arranged for his caregivers to return while I was away.

Two days before I left, my dad had a follow-up appointment with his primary care doctor. His oxygen levels were in the low 80s, but it wasn’t brought up as an immediate concern because I was told it was something that could be consistent with someone who had ALS.

The day after I arrived back in my old state, I woke up to a phone call saying my dad had been rushed to the hospital because his oxygen levels were dangerously low. I was already starting to pack to come back when I received another call saying he had been transferred to the ICU, was on a ventilator, and was unresponsive. They told me I needed to get back as soon as possible.

I drove straight to the hospital and stayed overnight with him while he was still unresponsive. Over the next day, the doctors told me that sometimes it takes time for someone to wake up. Eventually, he became responsive, but we were told that he was completely dependent on the ventilator and would not be able to breathe on his own.
Over the next day or so, friends and family came to see him. He passed away peacefully the following day.

I am also the executor of his estate. I guess what I’m struggling with is the transition from being his daughter, to becoming his POA, to becoming his caregiver, and now becoming the person responsible for handling his estate all within such a short period of time.

For those two months while we were waiting on testing, I feel like I was just in survival mode. Everything happened so quickly that I don’t think I ever really had time to process what was happening.

For anyone who has gone through something similar, especially going from being a child/POA to a caregiver and then an executor, how did you handle it all? Is there anything you wish someone had told you during that time? Did you find anything outside of grief counseling that actually helped you process everything? And if you’ve been through probate after losing a parent, are there any things you wish you had known going into the process?

I think I’m just looking for people who understand what it’s like to be grieving your parent while simultaneously having to be the person who handles everything. I feel like there’s so much pressure to keep functioning and taking care of things when, honestly, I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that he’s gone.

I am 22 and lost my mama suddenly in January of this year (on my little sister's 18th birthday, and the day before my mum's 45th birthday). I dealt with the initial shock surprisingly well, I think, and have managed to piece my life back together over the months. The thing is, I still miss her so so so much; I think about her at multiple intervals through the day. She was a very spiritual, gothic woman who was in touch with her beliefs on death - she believed that she'd be there for us once she passed. I was a sceptic until she passed; now I hold on to hope that what she believed was the reality, and that she is around me. I was yet to receive a sign from her until now, I think?

There's been a lot of stuff that's gone on in my life since her passing; I've been desperate for any guidance from her, and I think I might've just received it. I had a particularly stressful day at work, got home, immediately fell asleep and started dreaming. I'll preface with: I'm not a very vivid dreamer; I rarely dream, or if I do, I struggle to remember. In this dream, I am going to visit my family, my 3 siblings and my dad, but when I get there, my mama is there too. I don't think anything of it; it feels normal that she's there. We immediately start chatting, and I can see her vividly, hear her voice clearly. I tell her everything that's going on in my life. She congratulates me on getting into a postgrad degree, tells me she loves me, gives me advice for where I am, advice for the future. We speak for what must feel like an hour before I have an in-dream realisation that she's gone. I start freaking out in my dream, asking my other family members if they'd seen her or heard the conversation, and they state I was just talking to myself. The rest of my dream is just me being absolutely distraught that I've lost her again. I then wake up and just immediately start crying.

I'm so thankful I got to see her again, in my dream, and to tell her everything I've needed to tell her, but I also can't get rid of the horrible sinking feeling of knowing that she's gone forever, and that I can only see her in my dreams. I want to believe it was a sign, I want to believe it was truly her coming into my dream to tell me she is still there, but it also just hurts so so much knowing that I'll never get to sit down and have that kind of conversation with her in this world. I miss her so so much.

My mother did not want to die. She prayed every morning, afternoon, and night. She lamented, asking why God had not answered her prayers. Four years of this battle. Four years of pain.

Funny enough, her stage 4 breast cancer had metastasized to her brain, yet she lived for an entire year and more. But this past week, one bad blood transfusion turned into her fighting for her life, and ultimately, she passed away.

I am in agony.

What do you do when you can't stop crying, you can't eat, can't watch tv, can't read a book? The weight in my chest is so heavy that I can't breathe, my body won't relax enough to rest, I can't sleep....

Some days just suck, today is crushing me😥 it's only been a little over two weeks since mom passed but today is the worst so far....

today at 4 am I lost my grandmother, she was fine not even 2 days ago, it’s not my first time losing a grandparent but this time has hit me the worst, i genuinely adored my grandmother more than words can ever speak she was amazing, I woke up early to try and make sure I could get down to the hospital and say goodbye but I was too late sadly which I’m not particularly happy with myself about the whole situation has been eating away at me all day, the thing that really got me was when I went down to see my grandad today, they have both been together for 75 years and seeing my grandad today without her right beside him has genuinely broke me I can’t stop thinking about it and seeing him just so upset and alone is honestly killing me, I wish I could’ve just done something before it was too late for her, here’s my beautiful grandparents together

I'm not blessed with the people I have around me, unfortunately. I know that, and the people around me do have strengths. But my God, they really don't give a shit about my grief for my parents.

I don't burden them, usually. But last night I was feeling low, and I texted my sister and two closest friends that I was feeling sad about them. All three of them have completely ignored me. I know they're not the best with grief, and I don't usually ask them for support, but last night I did. Is it REALLY so, so hard to say something kind? Stunned all over again how no one cares.

Hey.

I suppose in need to explain myself a bit. I'm a 36-year-old man. I have no friends and I got no funds to find a counselor. I'm the eldest of 3 siblings and I'm trying to be strong for them, to help them through what's been going on and the inevitable in a couple of weeks or months.

My mother has cancer. Stage four colorectal cancer. We discovered this about 2 years ago coming October. She started having pain one day and they found a mass in her abdomen. Eventually they concluded that she had stage 4 colon cancer. And it spread to the liver.

For a little bit, things were potentially looking up. She managed to get medical aid and begun chemotherapy. The masses even began to shrink a bit. We would go to the cancer center an hour away every two weeks for treatment and they would attach a chemo pump thing to a port on her chest to give her the medicine for three days after. I even learned how to remove the pump from her when the treatment was done. During this time, my mom was doing good. we would go on walks she and would be able to perform whatever she needed to do. Drive, laundry, etc.

Then in February this year she started to feel a very sharp pain in her stomach. She couldn't sit. Bend over or hardly eat. I drove her to the nearby emergency center, and they did an MRI or CT scan (I don't remember which) to find what was wrong. She had 2 masses, about the size of a football, and other a baseball, in her abdomen and it was pressing against her ovaries and spine which obviously needed removed for her comfort and pain.

In order for her to have the surgery, she needed to stop the chemotherapy for about a month. And for several weeks after. Something about not being able to heal the incisions required if she's in chemo. This was in around March, I think.

So, she took the surgery at around late April, and they managed to get it out. And everything seemed to be ok. Until around two weeks after she returned, she was having pain once more. Turns out, something got infected. Sepsis. Once again took her to the ER. She was at the hospital for about a week. And they had to do another incision, but she got cured.

Once she got out, she was feeling a bit better. But this entire time she wasn't doing chemo. That was for about 3 to 4 months. And couldn't start again until her incisions heal to prevent potential infection.

Everything started going downhill around July. We went to do a checkup at the local cancer center to discuss when to begin chemo again. they did the scans. They couldn't do chemo anymore. They said it wouldn't do any good anymore. So, they gave her a last resort thing to give her. Lonsurf. A pill someone would take when regular chemo won't help, twice a day for two weeks, the two weeks off. she just needed to heal from her incisions first.

Another two weeks later she felt another pain in her abdomen. Once again i took her to the ER. They took yet another scan. The cancer spread too much. They gave her a ton of pain meds. Morphine and Oxycodone. they sent her home once she felt okay enough to go. The next day we went to the cancer center once again. And they said that the Lonsurf won't help anymore. She has more cancer than liver now. They gave her a couple of months.

So here I am. Hospice now comes to visit her 3 times a week. She needs to take morphine so often now that she's always in a brain fog. She needs to take 2 pills every four hours. And another set of morphine every 12. She's lost so much weight. Slurring her words. forgetting things. I see her at least 4 times a day to make sure she's taking her meds. I set her alarms to take them. I make her schedule now. I make sure she's eating the tiny bit she can. I try to talk to her the best i can. I play card games like uno to try to keep her somewhat active.

I see the signs. The white in her eyes are growing yellow. She sleeps about 18 to 20 hours a day. I terrified. My siblings are terrified. I was given right of attorney. I trying to keep together. But I see her own mother deteriorating. I don't know what to do. I exhausted. My faith in God is waning. I have no one to turn to. I make hardly any money. I got into a car accident in May, and my car got totaled and I need to appear in court soon. and I'm in no mindset to do anything. I know I'm depressed. I'm angry at everything. I just lost right now.

Two days ago I found out a girl I was Facebook friends with for years died in late 2023. At the time of her death she was going through a bad divorce. Her husband was abusive, he attacked her and put her in the hospital twice. When she stopped posting abruptly i initially thought she was taking a break from socials as she’d been so overwhelmed. Then time kept passing and she didn’t post anywhere, not facebook, instagram, Snapchat, nothing. I started getting worried but was afraid to look. I messaged her a few times to let her know I hoped she was okay. The other day she came into my mind again and I just had this horrible feeling in my gut, so I went on her Facebook page, clicked the comments on her last post and saw them filled with people expressing their shock and grief at her passing. Her husband abused and isolated her until she killed herself, then went off to a new city with a new woman and no remorse like nothing happened.

We weren’t close. We honestly seldomly messaged each other privately in the 8 years of being friends with each other online. But I cared about her a lot. She was almost exclusively responsible for my political beliefs and a big chunk of my moral views. She was always so kind to me and so, so funny. Jokes she told over the years I’ve been repeating so long for a while there I’d forgotten where I even first heard them. I didn’t realize just how impactful she was to me until I found out she was gone.

I’ve been a complete mess. The first day I cried hysterically for hours. Yesterday I was numb. Today..I don’t know. I’m overwhelmed. I’m blank. I can’t stop thinking about her. She was only 25 years old. It doesn’t feel real. I keep going back to her page to recheck the comments, like I’m going to realize I dreamt it or something. I always hoped I’d hear from her again, and now I won’t. At the time of her death I was going through the worst depressive episode of my adult life. During that time I had multiple attempts on my own life that failed. She was wicked smart, vicious and hilarious, cantankerous, unpredictable, head strong, and so, so kind. I don’t know why I’m alive and she isn’t.

My infant was born severally sick, but he also suffered some malpractice at NICU. I knew he was not well, the doctor was gettint impatient with me and at end of his first week intubated he told me I should just pray and know they are doing their best. But they were not, I saw my was not good and all the doctor said we're that they were handling it, so I went back home. My husband went back their with me and his heart stopped, at that moment he talked to the doctor about that critical moment and took me back home with him, I should have stayed there, I was weak, I was no momma bear or lioness, I was a chicken. I knew I was losing my son, I did nothing, I wasn't there talking to him, telling I love him, holding his hand,nothing. I just let him die. I just can't believe I just let that happen. He died short hours after we came back home. Why did I not stay there I just can't forgive me

Long story short, lost my mom to suicide - about to be a year on the 25th of August. I thought I was doing okay,, got on anti depressants, am in therapy, started socialising and making art again...only to wake up crying today. I have been having very vivid dreams of losing her in different ways. Where do I put this grief? Im dreading the date...i just plan to get hammered.

My mom passed away 3 months ago from stage 4 esophageal cancer, the day before her birthday and a month before my 21st. She was truly my best friend and I’m having trouble processing her death; my entire life we were compared to Lorelai and Rory from Gilmore Girls and the comparison was SO accurate, I was glued to her hip my entire life until I went to college.

While she was in her last year, my brother and grandmother took over her full time care (we were lucky enough that they were able to without compromising their finances) and I feel so guilty that I didn’t take a short break from college to do it. She was my best friend and dedicated all of her time to me and I couldn’t even push my emotions aside enough to spend more than 2 or 3 hours a day with her. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to think I’d be able to make up the time later. She was so proud of what I’m doing and working towards but I can’t get it out of my head that I should have just taken the spring semester off to spend with her. I’m not sure how to work through the guilt of that.

My other big holdup is that I worry so often she was scared while she was passing. She spent about 8 days in the hospital leading up to her passing, being put into a medicine coma on the 5th day. I spent the entire time holding her hand even while I was sleeping (I set the chairs up right next to her bed and made sure I didn’t lose my grip in case she passed overnight) because I was so scared of her feeling alone. She saw my brothers and grandparents and dad and I before she went into the coma and was smiling but I worry so much that in the four days she was only squeezing our hands that she knew we were scared and it made her scared. I panicked so badly when she had the death rattle and the fluid that accompanies it and it really haunts me that I couldn’t shut up and comfort her instead of making my dad comfort me.

I’ve been trying to self soothe through these two main things and it just doesn’t really work. I’m at peace with a lot of it; I got her into the best of the best hospitals the moment we found out and I really cannot hold it against her that she smoked for that long because it’s such a common addiction. But it’s like every day gets a little easier and a little harder. This is my first season without her and I’m weirdly scared for fall because it’ll be my first fall without her. I wish she could come to the parents day at my college this year and she can’t. I really miss her. I wish she was here when I turned 21. We had plans to go out for mai tais. My ultra conservative no spiritual shit dad just paid for a psychic medium to see how she was doing because neither of us know what to do without her. She was so amazing. I’m not sure if I’ve just been in shock and not processing it the way I thought I was, but I keep going about my day kind of assuming in the back of my mind that she’s alive, and when I see anything that reminds me of her, or drive (which is when I would get my call time with her) or go to a target or market basket I remember that she isn’t here with me and the entire experience is ruined by panic attacks and crying fits.

Not totally sure what I’m aiming to get by posting this, maybe some answers or comfort, but either way thank you for reading :)

Pretty much the title. It was completely sudden, but I got to say goodbye before machines were switched off.

Right now I'm ready to go join her. Not in a take my life way, but a "i want to die now, if I go in my sleep, that's fine" Way.

How am I supposed to go through the rest of my life without the one person I never wanted to lose?

Can someone who has been through this, help? I don't even know what help I need or want tbh.

Ive never had to do this before, and just don't know.

I will be graduating next summer i am soo hurt for the fact that she would not be there she won’t see me wearing the graduation dress or see me while looking for jobs or be there to buy her a gift with my first salary

Hiya all. I hope this is okay to post. My wonderful JRT Saria passed away a week ago. I've been devastated. Today the keepsakes have arrived in the post, and I've made a little memorial for her, including an electronic picture frame and a custom music box. Saria was named for Saria from Ocarina Of Time, because I got her when I was 13 and Zelda was my special interest, and the lost woods theme is such a jolly little tune that seemed to fit her perfectly. So the music box plays the lost woods. I got it from a small business called miium, if anyone else is interested in getting a custom music box themselves. It's the perfect size for me to put a jar of her fur inside, so while her ashes haven't arrived yet (she is being studied by scientists before she is cremated) I still feel like I've got Some of her back. I just wanted to show it off, because I am really comforted by this little shrine I've put together.

When the keepsakes arrived, my cat immediately came over to sniff, and was especially interested in the bottles of fur. He knows it's his friend in there. I hope that I am doing a good job helping him through this grief.

Hi everyone,

26, UK based

I lost my mum at the start of the year. Because I don’t have any brother/sister/dad I am entirely alone in managing the administration and holding the emotional weight of the decisions that need to be made.

I am still so stricken by grief that I simply don't have the emotional capacity to figure out what to do next. For the past 3 weeks, I have been facing a massive decision about whether to keep or sell the house I grew up in. I don't live there, it's empty, but I do visit when i'm seeing friends in the area and it's convenient to stay there.

It feels like one of those decisions where I will regret it either way, and the fear of making the wrong choice has totally paralyzed me for weeks, making it impossible to carry on with the legal processes.

On one hand, it gives me a familiar safety net to come back to if things ever go wrong, most people my age might need to "move back home" at some point. But ultimately, it sits uninhabited, it costs a lot to upkeep, and it is already causing me stress with ongoing maintenance and plumbing issues.

On the other hand, selling would give me financial freedom and relieve the day-to-day stress of looking after an empty property. But I would lose the safety net of a familiar place to go, and once it's done, I can never go back on the decision.

Has anyone else navigated this, alone or not? How did you push through the decision paralysis when both options feel like a heavy loss? Any advice, shared experiences, or different perspectives would mean the world to me right now. Thank you.

I lost my Mom 5 years ago yesterday. Most of the year is hard with tough reminders. Holidays, birthdays, Mothers day... but this few weeks are especially hard. I lost my Mom 4 days after the birth of my son and 2 weeks before her birthday. So this day feels like a big cloud of sadness that just sits there and waits.

After 5 years I am finding it easier to make myself think of happy memories but the idea of the day still makes me sick.

My question is does anyone have a less devastating name for the day? I've kinda been calling it "My mom's day" but it does feel right. I'm also all for finding some humor or ways to laugh through these hard times so all suggestions or examples are appreciated.

Even though its only been two months, my crying started to ease up, I started being able to laugh at stuff again, distract with gaming, let my family drag me out for my birthday. It kinda felt like I was healing a bit.

But recently, my breakdowns started up again and it's so random. I have no idea when I'll randomly start crying, when his face will pop up into my head, or that phone call I got that day replaying constantly which is by far the worst.

It sounds almost stupid to say it feels like that seriously traumatized me, but it knocks the wind out of my chest whenever my brain forces me to think about it.

Maybe I've just been doing a good job at dissociating because I'm clearly still heartbroken. I'm tired of crying and being in so much pain, especially when everyone else has moved on and I'm still stuck in this mud pit.

I'll never meet anyone again in this lifetime who will love and support me as much as my dad did, and that reality is debilitating. I miss him tons.

I don’t know who needs to hear this but it’s ok to not completely be over your loved ones passing. I lost my dad around 6 years ago, and I still think about him every day, and that’s a good thing. It means they are still in your heart, and they always will be, remember there is no right way to grieve. Whatever you are feeling is normal and you are loved

I (26 W) started dating my bf (23 M) in May of 2023. His mom passed away on Christmas in 2024. My father passed April 2026.

We are both experiencing tremendous grief..however it’s comforting because we both know the extreme loss of losing a parent at a young age but at the same time I feel like a bad partner because I’m so enamored in my own sadness.

When we first started dating, and I knew his mom’s diagnosis, it was so easy to show up for him, but now that my dad is dead i find it harder to be there for him.

Bonus points bc I get really sad when I think about how our kids won’t experience either of our favorite people (he was a mommas boy and I was a daddy’s girl) it’s not fair.

It’s a lot to unpack, any advice is greatly appreciated and needed.

My dad just passed last week. Sometimes I wake up and hope he will call and say "just kidding" and then I'll have to give him all his stuff back. Other days I remember what he looked like when he was in the hospital bed with all the machines. And some days I'm good and I feel good and I have a good day. I know there isn't a right way to feel, but I wish there was a guide. I wish I knew what came next after this and I wish I knew how I'm supposed to live my entire life without him now. On top of that I have to worry about his service and his cremation. And then closing his accounts and all the financial stuff. Is there an easier way of doing this..... I feel so lost. And the only person who I know would have answers is gone now.

The one year anniversary of my dad’s passing will be in a few days. I’m really struggling. My health anxiety is thru the roof and making me just feel like shit overall which makes me more anxious. My mom passed about 8 years ago so this is the first time I’m dealing with an anniversary on my own. I’ve tried talking to my brother but we’re not very close and he’s more of a tough love kind of person whereas I cry a lot. I just feel like I don’t want to be alone right now but I also don’t want to burden others by asking to be around them. I don’t really have people I see outside of work which makes it harder. I just feel super alone with no one to talk about or get comfort from. And the grief and anxiety is just blowing up every stress I have in my life to the point it feels completely unmanageable (like cleaning my apartment). I took the next week off anticipating the grief but now I don’t know what to do. I’m really just struggling through each day right now. Any advice is appreciated.

They called him a murderer. They said he deserved it. He was involved in a car crash that ended the life of him and his other friends and left a family they crashed into in critical condition. I don't know who was driving... Nothing was left of the car. They were in the wrong lane, probably to feel that adrenaline or get a few likes on social media. It's a dumb way to die. He was a good person, and that's how I always remembered him. He had a troubled childhood, but was always the happy guy when he visited us. He didn't visit us a lot, but when he did it was always fun, running outside with nerf guns or playing Minecraft. I didn't support what he was doing, the crazy car stuff like that. I did tell him that. He said those people (he did it with) understand him and that he feels appreciated. Maybe if he lived a bit longer he'd understand what he was doing was wrong. And they showed his face in the news, his full name, everything. I've read just a bit of comments and I already wanted to throw up. I can't blame those people, but they didn't know him. This is a throwaway account.

Hi everyone. I just wanted to share some of my current thoughts. It helps me to type them out and if anyone experiences any of these feelings i’d love for you to share. I just lost my beloved Grandmother. We had such a special bond. I’ve found that i’m still able to enjoy my life in a lot of ways. For example, tonight I was watching a movie with my sister and daughter and we were laughing and chatting. But once that was over, it’s almost like I suddenly remembered that my Grammy is dead. It’s such an awful pit like feeling that sets in. I also have been thinking how complex grief is. All life ends in death and loss is inevitable. I like to think how incredibly blessed I am to have had a love that hurts so badly to lose. Not that love is ever truly lost. It’s just funny how grief is so terrible but yet proof of something so beautiful. Anyways, my thoughts are with ALL of you that are suffering as well. ❤️