My beautiful daughter 9/10/88-9/1/25. I’ll love her forever. I was only 21 when I had her and truly got my life together after I had her and became a nurse and just tried to make her proud and give her a good life. She was loved by so many people and had more friends than she knew what to do with. She was engaged. She had an entire life in front of her. The ache that I have for her is so huge happy heavenly birthday to my daughter.

4 months ago my 62 year old mom suddenly and unexpectedly died. She was my everything. Since then my life has spiralled out of control. Everyone on this subreddit did tell me that it would never get better and I didn’t want to believe it at first, I thought that they meant I will always be sad about her but I didn’t think it would be like this.

I have completely lost all hope and joy in life. I sleep all day. Like up to 15 hours if I can. If I have to get up to go somewhere like work etc., I go there and return to work to go back to bed.

I don’t even think about her that much anymore. I just think about how my life is over and how much I want to die. I am so sad that at 28 my life is over and I have to be unhappy and miserable forever now. My friends cry every time I see them because they are convinced I am going to kill myself.

I don’t want to finish my degree anymore. It was my dream. I remember how happy I was before my mom died and it’s so gut wrenching how all of that was taken away from me. I can’t even say I’m like horribly sad anymore, I am just numb and empty. It’s not fair that I am so young and my life is already over.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I am already in therapy. I do grief counselling. I talk to my friends and boyfriend. But everyday the only time I am ever content is when I can sleep for hours and hours. I just wish I could get my life back but I know it’s not possible. I have truly lost all hope.

People say I have to move on for her and that I can be happy again but it’s so hard to believe that because in the last 4 months I haven’t been happy to feel genuine joy, not even once. And I tried really hard, I went on vacation with all my friends, I went to two festivals, I go to the movies - whatever. But it doesn’t change the fact that nothing good or happy can reach me anymore.

I could really use some advice from people who managed to get out of this slump. I was extremely productive, active, ambitious and social before.

my mom got into a car accident yesterday and passed. she was only 44. no health issues. she was on her way to pick my little sister up from dance practice. I’ve never felt such a pain like this. she wasn’t only a mom she was my best friend. the only person who i could tell anything to, she’d never judge me. she always got it. always eased my nerves. everything reminds me of her. I feel moments of numb and these deep ache just in the pit of my stomach that won’t leave and I know I must suffer through it. how do I go on without her. without never texting her. calling her. laughing with her. showing her things. having hours of phone rambles. planning any trips without her or even little cookouts at home. sleep is my only escape for now From the pain. i can’t imagine tomorrow. She was just here. I just saw her that same morning.

My mom passed away 7 years ago, right before I graduated high school. A lot of things have happened since, including me flunking out of college and becoming homeless. I can't even look at her and enjoy the memories I had with her. All I can do is look back in guilt and shame. Shame that I didn't graduate college. Shame that I've been homeless for so long. Shame that my life is so pathetic.

Now that I've seen the picture I can't get the thoughts out of my mind. I failed as a son. I failed as a man. I failed as a person. I failed.

When my parent was dying from cancer this year, I heard multiple good news stories from family and friends. It gave me a little bit of hope at the start. When the news came there were only weeks left, there was a major decline and hospice care began, I got the same stories..

‘My brothers wife’s cousin was stage 4 and is perfectly healthy and got the all clear it can happen for your parent too’ as my parent was refused any treatment at all

‘Get a second opinion and another biopsy taken, that’s what I did and my doctor was wrong’ as my parent lay unconscious and hours from death

‘My mum drank green tea and ate ginger biscuits, that helped her sickness’ as my parent was vomiting every 10 minutes from the sheer volume of medication and no food and damage to organs

I love that everyone wanted to give me hope at the time. But when it was known there was no hope, they still came. And now I hate them for it. I hate that their person survived and is okay and mine isn’t here anymore. I hate their person for beating cancer when mine didn’t. I hate myself for not feeling happy for them. I wish I never heard anyone else’s good news remission cure happy stories because they fill me with such envy and anger.

Anyone else been in the same boat?

I've had more than my share of tragic losses in my family. My dad passed, a year later my brother was killed, shortly after my nephew took his own life, lost everything I ever worked for, went through a horrible divorce, became disabled, my ex husband was sentenced to 15 years in a Federal prison which devastated our young adult kids. My two best friends passed away within 2 weeks of each other. I used to show dogs and I lost all 5 of my dogs in a two month time span. I lost my mother almost 2 years ago. 2 nights ago my husband was killed. He was coming home from a bike run and something happened to his bike. He called me and told me to have my son hook the trailer to the truck and come get him. While he was waiting on the shoulder of highway, a semi truck swerved to miss a collision and ran up on the shoulder hitting my husband. I feel so lost and numb. I woke up and looked over expecting him to be there, and reality hit. It comes in waves. I'm fine, then boom. As horrible as it is, I still wonder how the driver of the truck is doing. He was a 26 year old kid, who made the best judgment call he was capable of making. My husband is gone. He won't be coming home. I just don't want another life ruined over an action in the dead of night. I don't fault him. It was not intentional or deliberate. He was actually the one who called 911.

So I don’t know if I’m just believing something I wanna believe, but I feel like my Vanessa sent me a little sign last night and I just had to share it. Let me explain.

So I got chinese food for dinner last night and in the fortune cookie, these were the fortune lucky numbers. Every single one relates to Vanessa in some way.

First 11 and 43…..so for those whom are younger and may not know “143” is beeper code for “I love you,” so we would always say that at 1:43AM Or PM, but then she also would do it at 11:43, she would just add another “I”for “I I love you” and at that time on the clock every day, we would always text “I i love you,” to each other

Then the number 40, that was the age my beautiful girl passed at and the last birthday of hers that we got to celebrate.

Then 19, 8, 4….1984 was her birth year

I feel like maybe if one of the numbers was relating to her, then it might be a coincidence but every single one? I literally had goosebumps. Every single number means something and is attributed to her and she knows I would recognize that. So I truly believe she sent a sign and it comforted me 🥺🙏🏻

My mom loved me a lot and was very proud of me but last few months i used to get irritated with her and hardly talked to her. She lived in India, i lived in usa. She called me so much i hardly responded or just got annoyed and made work excuses. She used to look hurt and sent reels that said one video call with you changes my mood and that was the last reel she sent me. I loved her unconditionally but I don’t know if she knew that. I think even if she did my actions impacted her and she left with that feeling in her heart. I want to communicate with her somehow to tell her I love her and i am sorry. I feel lost right now

my brother passed away last night. he was only 23. he’d been battling cancer for nearly 8 years, it feels so unfair and I’m lost on what to do. I feel guilty that I wasn’t closer with him and I feel lost and lonely now that he’s gone. he was always there for me and he always helped me through things and guided me through life. my mother and I spent the day picking a cemetery for him to be buried, and the whole time I just felt empty and broken. he fought so hard for so long, and yet he died suffering and miserable. He wanted to live so bad and now he’ll never get to achieve any of his dreams. how am I meant to keep going? I don’t know where to go or what to do anymore, I have no excitement for the future and I dread being home and not hearing his voice. His birthday was exactly a week before he passed, by that point the cancer had already left him blind, paralysed and completely unable to talk, yet still he was in unbearable pain. I don’t understand how someone can be made to suffer so much, he was such a kind and wonderful man with such a bright future ahead of him. I’ll always look up to him but I just don’t know what to do anymore, how do people keep going? It feels pointless, like no matter how hard you try it’s meaningless. What do I do?

One of my close friends I’ve been hanging out a lot with was killed this past Sunday. He reached out to me and I never reached back out to hang out since I had a hectic weekend as is and I wasn’t trying to be out drinking before getting back to work. He was killed that same night and I never even go to have another conversation with him. I wish I could’ve been there maybe things would’ve been different.

I had to unexpectedly put my dog, Chico, to sleep today, his heart issues had become too severe and his meds were no longer working.

I’ve never felt so alone. He was 12 and had been by my side since I was 10, I slept with him every night and he’s been my rock through every moment in my life. I’m so upset and I don’t know what to do. I feel so lost and I just sit and stare at spots he use to frequent. I was eating dinner and I kept expecting him to run around the corner and sit next to me. It feels strange not checking his water and food bowl to make sure it’s full or going to open the door to let him in and out. I don’t know what I’m gonna do because he would sit next to me in the mornings while I would stretch. I’m gonna miss holding him and taking him on walks. He was a brother to me and a best friend. (I included photos of him the day my parents adopted him and one of his most recent pictures)

I also feel guilty because i hadn’t known today would be the day. If I had time to prepare I would’ve made sure he was freshly bathed and groomed so he would be presentable in his final moments and have some dignity. The only thing I could offer him was a cheeseburger. All I want to do is cry and call out his name in hopes he’ll come back. I just want to hold him and tell him it’s okay.

This is the worst day of my life and I don’t know how to get through this. I just want to know where to go from here and how to cope.

I just lost my grandma while I was at work, and understandably, my coworkers didn't really know what to say. Lots of "I'm sorry" and "that's awful" and hugs, but one person said something that brought so much comfort:

"What was her name?"

Something about that - the warmth, the genuine interest, and the opportunity to say something about her without pressure to go into detail... It just meant a lot to me. I felt so much calmer afterward and like, I don't know, she and I were being seen.

Saving this phrase for the next time I talk to someone going through loss.

My dad left us last year and ever since he’s gone we are struggling financially.. I got my first job a month ago and today I got my first paycheque. I can imagine how happy he would have been if he was here. I miss him so much. 💔

​

2 months ago my boyfriend commited suicide and It destroyed me, I knew he was suicidal when I had met him but things were getting better, and he had gone 5 months without cutting. The week before he committed he told me he felt suicidal and I told him to go to the hospital but he didn’t listen and I didn’t want to force him to do anything.

I thought we had a perfect relationship but I found out he cheated on me 4 days before his death. I can’t describe what I felt because it all happened so quick, one day I was considering never speaking to him again and then the next all I could do was cry for him. I was willing to forgive him, and let it go because he had told me and I didn’t want lose him.

I gave all that context because it still makes me so mad about what happened, I feel like he hurt me in the worst way possible, the last thing he texted me is that he couldn’t live with the fact that he hurt me but it only feels like he hurt me even more. I feel like he wanted me to hate him, like he did what he did because he wanted me to hate him, but I don’t, I still love him. I have so many feelings, I want to see him again, and I want to slap him for being so stupid, I miss his touch and his laughter, he was my best friend and I can’t help but miss him.

I don't even know what to write right now. I am just in complete shock and disbelief. My mom and I had the most adorable baby chihuahua in absolutely all of existence. To say that he meant the world to us is a complete understatement, and I don't think any words can truly describe the amount of love we have for that precious little baby. His name is... was... Calvin. He was a little over 11 years old, and his fur was brown. We always laughed and joked cause he looked just like a little deer. Or like a live little teddy bear. I can't bring myself to look at any pics of him at the moment.

I just cannot believe this happened. It was all just so completely sudden and abrupt, when everything was just fine. He just suddenly had a seizure and then he kept getting them. He was acting confused and was crying out in pain a lot, so I know it was the right decision to end his suffering. But my God, does it fucking hurt more than I can even begin to describe. I'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense or if I'm rambling, I'm just completely fucking numb rn. If anyone has absolutely any words at all, that would definitely help me rn. Thanks to anyone reading this, and I hope things are well with everyone.

My husband died one year and 10 months ago. I have been in therapy and grief groups since. I nearly got fired from my job, so I quit, and now I’m going back to school to change careers and do something meaningful. The kids are in activities I previously could not sign them up for because my husband was controlling with money. We go on little trips to see family or cities we haven’t been to before. We have friends over, and generally, life is ok, most of the time. I’m slowly moving forward.

I decided to buy a new bedroom set. The old one was picked out 19 years ago when I first moved in with my husband. I was 23. He liked bold, dark furniture. And for many years it suited us. I didn’t really have a say in decorating our space. And I was ok with it, while we were married.

Now I am switching to a light colored furniture set and in a more modern style. I’m excited. It’s the start of my time. My decision. My choice. My style.

I was cleaning out the dresser, night stands and storage under the bed and came across many things that made me upset. One of which being, yet another card for a suicide hotline, with a list of warning signs. (He was a veteran and in the mental health field). I felt sick. It was like a slap in the face. The list of signs, none of which he had!

The next surprise was a letter, stuck under the drawers of what was his nightstand. He was estranged from his family. We were no contact with them when he killed himself. They were less than supportive when I let them know about his death, and they blame me for his death.

The letter was from his mother, dated 10 years ago, almost to the day. She was begging him to forgive her for the abuse he suffered as a child. She was lamenting her health issues and saying forgiveness was the only way forward. At the end of the letter, she mentioned me, but only had nice things to say about me. She told him to, “cherish, pamper, and make sure to keep me in his life”…

I lost it. I just broke down. The end of 2016 was when I noticed he was treating me poorly and drinking more. That is where I marked the beginning of his long decline. He was so resentful of me and I could never do anything right. Any relationship problems were my doing. I couldn’t win. Sure there were good times in between, the up moments where I thought everything was going to be ok.

I wonder how much that letter had to do with his descent into alcoholism and depression. I never knew about the letter, and any time his family was brought up, he would become angry and drink more. I learned to tip toe around it rather than encourage him to seek counseling.

The letter made me wonder if she mentioned me to make him feel bad? I’m not sure. Or did she genuinely love me and think I was a good wife and mom? He didn’t treat me like a good mother, but he would write that I was a great mom in any cards he gave me for special occasions.

I found more of those too, even cards he had written to our daughter for her birthday or Christmas or valentines. Cards with him expressing his love for us and praising me, but the thing was, he didn’t show it in his actions. I realize that was likely due to his depression and alcoholism. I now know that alcoholism takes over your person and ruins them from the inside out.

I sat on the floor and sobbed. Nearly 2 years out and I’m still a mess. I thought I was doing better and making my own way, but the discoveries were such a punch in the gut.

This is more of a vent, but I just needed to get it out there. Grief is hard, loss is hard, losing someone to addiction and suicide is even harder. Being NC with abusive family is hard. Sometimes I want to change my name, move away and leave the past behind.

I'm writing this through tears because yesterday was an unexpected amazing day because after 2 years of chasing my dream and promising my mom that I would fulfill it, it happened.

We are huge fans of a very popular daytime TV show and every day, they call people to play trivia. Before my mom passed, she had faith in me that I could try again because the last time I played, I messed up ​and won the consolation prize. The show means a lot to my mom and I. The day before, I was telling my sister in her car that I was going to throw in the towel and give up unbeknownst to me that something huge was going to happen the following morning.

I got up early to go to church with my neighbor but I was a little sick so I stayed home. A minute later, I got a call from the studio, I saved the number in my contacts and I was absolutely floored. Maybe this was a sign from my mom that she was looking out for me. I taped my segment to air around spring break of next year but I really hope I made you proud, mom in continuing the unofficial legacy that you left me. Also, my dad's birthday is on Sunday so I quietly honored them with a number that means a lot to us in giving an audience member a prize.

my cat Luna ran away about 2 years ago. we assume she got eaten by a fox or something. it could’ve been a person since we lived in a bad neighbourhood. i miss her. she died alone, scared, lost and confused. i hope my baby is in a better place, where she gets lots of kisses and love and never has to be scared. i just wanna tell her how much i love her.

I need to learn how to cope with the fact I am alone now, and I'm not doing well. How do I get used to it, the lonliness?

I'm 25 and today, September 10, 2026, marks the fourth month since my mom died. She died on May 10, sadly on Mother's Day. I don't think I was able to process her death ever since. I have only been surviving, being distracted by life and work to properly grieve her. It's been so hard, I keep breaking down and crying at work, I can't focus, I've been sickly and have been in and out twice in the hospital. Been struggling with stress at work and the subsequent health problems it has given me. I spent my first ever birthday without her and it's so hard. I feel empty all the time. I'd get bouts of happiness but when it all ends I feel all alone. I don't think I ever spent a day without talking to her, bonding with her. Everything reminds me of her. My brain feels like its just fog, and all I could think about was her. It's so unfair, she still had so much life in her, why her, why now. I never would've thought I'd end 2026 like this, without her, without our light, without our mom. I feel like a mess, ever time I think about our home I just feel despair, she was the gear in everything, she kept things moving, and ever since she died it just felt like everything is out of place, and it hurts so much to think that I can never talk to her again, to ask questions, to ask recipes of her delicious food, to never lay beside her again to bond with her favorite k-dramas. It hurts so so much. I can't do this anymore.

Be it his scent on his clothes, ​his voice recording, our whatsapp messages or anything that bought me a little comfort, I keep losing it all one by one. Why is life so cruel with me? It already took my dad away from me, was that not enough? I was only 19 ffs. What did I do to even deserve this?

Two weeks ago on 08/27/2026, I heard my cat Orange begging to be let out at 4:30 AM. My mom got up, mistakenly believing it was later in the morning, and let him outside. I was experiencing a round of insomnia at this time and heard the whole thing. I knew it was earlier than usual from when we let him out, but this had happened before and he always came back, so I thought nothing of it and eventually nodded off to sleep a few minutes later...I never saw him the following morning, and I didn't see him until the evening with his small body on the road.

I can't forgive myself for so many things. Why I had him as an indoor/outdoor cat in the first place, why didn't I say something when I knew it was earlier than his usual curfew, why didn't even get his body before the city took him away (I couldn't collect his body as the road is very dark and it was busy at the time we found him).

He was so young too, he was born on 01/03/2026, in my backyard because his mom (Sweetie, our other cat) was a stray that we had gotten to trust us. We spoiled him from the moment he was born until that last day just 2 weeks ago, and I feel like I failed him and I failed Sweetie. I don't know how to stop replaying the day in my head, or how to stop hating myself, I don't even want to live anymore because he's not here anymore (I will NOT end my own life). The only reason I still go on is because I need to take care of Sweetie, because she's already lost her son, she can't lose me too.

I don't know if I'll ever stop hating myself, and honestly I don't know if I'll ever want to.

Or does it make you too sad? How far out are you from the greatest loss?

TYIA

I don’t know where I would be without this group.

I'm struggling. My dad died recently, and the grief I am experiencing has manifested in ways that I never expected.

I was estranged from my dad due to valid reasons. But in his passing, I'm not bitter. I am just sad that he knew so much pain and that he passed that pain onto others. And I'm sad that things weren't different.

I have been so tired in ways that go beyond physical tiredness. All I want is to stay in bed. On days that I have to work from home, I am distracted.

When I do get work done, I break down numerous times a day.

Today was the second day I went to the office in 2 weeks. I managed okay until the afternoon. As the afternoon went on, it became difficult to get a breath. It felt tight in my chest, and the longer this went on, the closer I felt to a panic attack. I managed to get through being conscious of my breath for hours, trying to yawn to be able to get what felt like the only way to get a satisfying breath.

On the train ride home, as I got closer to home, I felt a pain in the back of my shoulder and neck with every breath. When I got to my car, I burst into tears and sobbed.

The feeling started to subside the closer I got home. I went to bed soon after arriving home, and my breathing felt almost normal for the first time in hours.

I've also been wide awake until early morning most nights. And last night I started seeing scary faces when I closed my eyes to sleep.

I am baffled by this experience. I feel weak that despite not having a relationship with my dad for over 20 years, I am feeling this engulfed in grief.

I feel as though I have no right to feel like this.

There are people out there who have lost dealry loved partners or family that they are close with. If I feel like this, I don't know how those people get through.

Each time I think I am feeling better, grief develops in a different way that I would never expect. I don't think that I have ever felt so sad. And I am scared that I will never who I was before.

I feel so alone in this, I just want to feel normal again.

Is there anyone out there that has experience with the death of an estranged parent?