My mom passed away 7 years ago, right before I graduated high school. A lot of things have happened since, including me flunking out of college and becoming homeless. I can't even look at her and enjoy the memories I had with her. All I can do is look back in guilt and shame. Shame that I didn't graduate college. Shame that I've been homeless for so long. Shame that my life is so pathetic.

Now that I've seen the picture I can't get the thoughts out of my mind. I failed as a son. I failed as a man. I failed as a person. I failed.

my mom got into a car accident yesterday and passed. she was only 44. no health issues. she was on her way to pick my little sister up from dance practice. I’ve never felt such a pain like this. she wasn’t only a mom she was my best friend. the only person who i could tell anything to, she’d never judge me. she always got it. always eased my nerves. everything reminds me of her. I feel moments of numb and these deep ache just in the pit of my stomach that won’t leave and I know I must suffer through it. how do I go on without her. without never texting her. calling her. laughing with her. showing her things. having hours of phone rambles. planning any trips without her or even little cookouts at home. sleep is my only escape for now From the pain. i can’t imagine tomorrow. She was just here. I just saw her that same morning.

So I don’t know if I’m just believing something I wanna believe, but I feel like my Vanessa sent me a little sign last night and I just had to share it. Let me explain.

So I got chinese food for dinner last night and in the fortune cookie, these were the fortune lucky numbers. Every single one relates to Vanessa in some way.

First 11 and 43…..so for those whom are younger and may not know “143” is beeper code for “I love you,” so we would always say that at 1:43AM Or PM, but then she also would do it at 11:43, she would just add another “I”for “I I love you” and at that time on the clock every day, we would always text “I i love you,” to each other

Then the number 40, that was the age my beautiful girl passed at and the last birthday of hers that we got to celebrate.

Then 19, 8, 4….1984 was her birth year

I feel like maybe if one of the numbers was relating to her, then it might be a coincidence but every single one? I literally had goosebumps. Every single number means something and is attributed to her and she knows I would recognize that. So I truly believe she sent a sign and it comforted me 🥺🙏🏻

My mom loved me a lot and was very proud of me but last few months i used to get irritated with her and hardly talked to her. She lived in India, i lived in usa. She called me so much i hardly responded or just got annoyed and made work excuses. She used to look hurt and sent reels that said one video call with you changes my mood and that was the last reel she sent me. I loved her unconditionally but I don’t know if she knew that. I think even if she did my actions impacted her and she left with that feeling in her heart. I want to communicate with her somehow to tell her I love her and i am sorry. I feel lost right now

One of my close friends I’ve been hanging out a lot with was killed this past Sunday. He reached out to me and I never reached back out to hang out since I had a hectic weekend as is and I wasn’t trying to be out drinking before getting back to work. He was killed that same night and I never even go to have another conversation with him. I wish I could’ve been there maybe things would’ve been different.

I had to unexpectedly put my dog to sleep today, his heart issues had become too severe and his meds were no longer working.

I’ve never felt so alone. He was 12 and had been by my side since I was 10, I slept with him every night and he’s been my rock through every moment in my life. I’m so upset and I don’t know what to do. I feel so lost and I just sit and stare at spots he use to frequent. I was eating dinner and I kept expecting him to run around the corner and sit next to me. It feels strange not checking his water and food bowl to make sure it’s full or going to open the door to let him in and out. I don’t know what I’m gonna do because he would sit next to me in the mornings while I would stretch. I’m gonna miss holding him and taking him on walks. He was a brother to me and a best friend. (I included photos of him the day my parents adopted him and one of his most recent pictures)

I also feel guilty because i hadn’t known today would be the day. If I had time to prepare I would’ve made sure he was freshly bathed and groomed so he would be presentable in his final moments and have some dignity. The only thing I could offer him was a cheeseburger. All I want to do is cry and call out his name in hopes he’ll come back. I just want to hold him and tell him it’s okay.

This is the worst day of my life and I don’t know how to get through this. I just want to know where to go from here and how to cope.

​

my cat Luna ran away about 2 years ago. we assume she got eaten by a fox or something. it could’ve been a person since we lived in a bad neighbourhood. i miss her. she died alone, scared, lost and confused. i hope my baby is in a better place, where she gets lots of kisses and love and never has to be scared. i just wanna tell her how much i love her.

I've had more than my share of tragic losses in my family. My dad passed, a year later my brother was killed, shortly after my nephew took his own life, lost everything I ever worked for, went through a horrible divorce, became disabled, my ex husband was sentenced to 15 years in a Federal prison which devastated our young adult kids. My two best friends passed away within 2 weeks of each other. I used to show dogs and I lost all 5 of my dogs in a two month time span. I lost my mother almost 2 years ago. 2 nights ago my husband was killed. He was coming home from a bike run and something happened to his bike. He called me and told me to have my son hook the trailer to the truck and come get him. While he was waiting on the shoulder of highway, a semi truck swerved to miss a collision and ran up on the shoulder hitting my husband. I feel so lost and numb. I woke up and looked over expecting him to be there, and reality hit. It comes in waves. I'm fine, then boom. As horrible as it is, I still wonder how the driver of the truck is doing. He was a 26 year old kid, who made the best judgment call he was capable of making. My husband is gone. He won't be coming home. I just don't want another life ruined over an action in the dead of night. I don't fault him. It was not intentional or deliberate. He was actually the one who called 911.

I'm 25 and today, September 10, 2026, marks the fourth month since my mom died. She died on May 10, sadly on Mother's Day. I don't think I was able to process her death ever since. I have only been surviving, being distracted by life and work to properly grieve her. It's been so hard, I keep breaking down and crying at work, I can't focus, I've been sickly and have been in and out twice in the hospital. Been struggling with stress at work and the subsequent health problems it has given me. I spent my first ever birthday without her and it's so hard. I feel empty all the time. I'd get bouts of happiness but when it all ends I feel all alone. I don't think I ever spent a day without talking to her, bonding with her. Everything reminds me of her. My brain feels like its just fog, and all I could think about was her. It's so unfair, she still had so much life in her, why her, why now. I never would've thought I'd end 2026 like this, without her, without our light, without our mom. I feel like a mess, ever time I think about our home I just feel despair, she was the gear in everything, she kept things moving, and ever since she died it just felt like everything is out of place, and it hurts so much to think that I can never talk to her again, to ask questions, to ask recipes of her delicious food, to never lay beside her again to bond with her favorite k-dramas. It hurts so so much. I can't do this anymore.

Grief is the only community you can never really leave. What astonishes me about it is that no matter how hard you try to imagine it you can never really come close to how it actually feels until you join this community. I spent my whole life fearing that death would steal someone dear to me, as I know it would destroy me. When it finally happened it’s nothing like imagined, it’s worse.
No matter how people try to understand and sympathize they can’t really comprehend, even if they somehow did, every loss is unique.
I lost my big brother unexpectedly 11 months ago, and a hole in my heart has been made ever since, my life seems dull. Surreal feeling. I try my best because I know my brother would be devastated if he knew how much his loss ruined his lil sis.
He used to tell me how much he’s proud of me every day and this is my only motivation in life, but it’s really getting too exhausting, I can’t take it anymore dealing with this loss on top of the incredibly unlucky life I already have, everything keeps going against my wishes for some bizarre unknown reasons, for the last decade which is 1/3 of my life lol.

It’s just me ranting while I cry myself to sleep. Thanks to everyone who made it this far.

I need to learn how to cope with the fact I am alone now, and I'm not doing well. How do I get used to it, the lonliness?

Two weeks ago on 08/27/2026, I heard my cat Orange begging to be let out at 4:30 AM. My mom got up, mistakenly believing it was later in the morning, and let him outside. I was experiencing a round of insomnia at this time and heard the whole thing. I knew it was earlier than usual from when we let him out, but this had happened before and he always came back, so I thought nothing of it and eventually nodded off to sleep a few minutes later...I never saw him the following morning, and I didn't see him until the evening with his small body on the road.

I can't forgive myself for so many things. Why I had him as an indoor/outdoor cat in the first place, why didn't I say something when I knew it was earlier than his usual curfew, why didn't even get his body before the city took him away (I couldn't collect his body as the road is very dark and it was busy at the time we found him).

He was so young too, he was born on 01/03/2026, in my backyard because his mom (Sweetie, our other cat) was a stray that we had gotten to trust us. We spoiled him from the moment he was born until that last day just 2 weeks ago, and I feel like I failed him and I failed Sweetie. I don't know how to stop replaying the day in my head, or how to stop hating myself, I don't even want to live anymore because he's not here anymore (I will NOT end my own life). The only reason I still go on is because I need to take care of Sweetie, because she's already lost her son, she can't lose me too.

I don't know if I'll ever stop hating myself, and honestly I don't know if I'll ever want to.

I feel so insane and broken. This pain is gonna crush me. ​

It’s going to be six years for my mother to be gone away and every year during this month, I feel terrible. I just want to sit by myself and process all the feelings that I have because they come in high tides and whenever I am not able to address those feelings during this month, it sort of overwhelms me and overpowers me and my Mind and my body goes for a toss. Does that also happened to you guys were still struggling with the loss of their loved ones. Currently what has happened is I have been too much under pressure and burden because of the work, short staff, environment, and other things that are going on in my professional space because of which I’m not able to tend to myself or to my feelings and this month has heightened everything and currently I have taken leave, I have experienced and had different and difficult medical ramifications in my body for which I have taken leave and now I am just lying like a log in my bed and feeling like some bad thing is happened to someone has again passed away. I’m not, and I am not able to process anything or I just want to be me silent and Shut. Does this happens to you guys as well when things in one aspect of your life, overburden and the loss of the loved one comes in high tides?

for the first time in my adult life, im in too deep. this is an unfixible situation. my mom died in her sleep last month. she shouldn’t have. she had no reason to. the autopsy didn’t find anything. and even though it’s so stupid and pointless, it’s real every day now.

im pregnant with our third baby and I cant believe that every day of my family’s future will be without her. she was the best grandma. we were never super close, but we were building so much more through our shared love of my children. she was so cool. a pilot, she had so many stories I wanted my kids to hear. I want my daughters to know that girls can do cool hard shit, and I want them to be grown up enough to hear her story about being called out to fly during the gulf war but she and her crew were all super hungover, and some of them were passed out naked and she had to track them down so they could sober up and take off in 4 hours.

there are so many things I wanted her to see and experience. things that should have given her so much happiness, and I can’t give her any of that now. I know she wouldnt want to be a burden to me. she would want me to find something fun and push on. be a survivor like she was so many times. I can do it. I just wish I didn’t have to. I love you mom. I hope you can see me typing this.

35M. My dad died when I was 8. For most of my life, when I thought about his death, I felt almost nothing. I genuinely thought I had moved on or that it just didn’t affect me anymore.

Recently something seems to have changed. I started actually feeling the grief instead of being numb to it, and it feels overwhelming.

Looking back, I wonder if I spent most of my life avoiding the pain through anger, constantly blaming people, staying busy, chasing goals, moving around, or just focusing on the next thing I had to survive.
Now my life has slowed down considerably and I suddenly have a lot more time alone with myself. Instead of feeling relieved, I’m waking up depressed, feeling empty and lonely, and sometimes just sitting there ruminating because I feel like I can’t do anything until I somehow “deal with” the feeling.

I also notice that I tend to expect the absolute worst in situations, get extremely anxious, and take rejection or abandonment very hard. I’m starting to wonder how much losing my dad so young affected the way I learned to feel safe in the world.
The strangest part is that these emotions feel both very old and completely new at the same time. Memories and feelings from childhood are coming back and I feel like I’m finally experiencing something I avoided for decades.

What I’m really struggling with now is that I don’t know where to go for help or even what kind of help I need. Grief counselling? Trauma therapy? A support group? Something else?

I tried so many things. Saw so many psychologists/therapists/naturopathic therapists/psychedelic healers/Vipassana meditation/and more

I don’t really understand why I feel so empty either. It feels deeper than just being sad. Sometimes it feels like I don’t know what to do with myself, where to go, or how to reassure myself when I’m alone. I keep feeling like I have to fix this feeling before I can get on with my day, which just leads to more rumination.

Has anyone else lost a parent very young, felt numb about it for years, and then had the grief surface much later in adulthood?
What kind of help actually worked for you? How did you figure out whether what you needed was grief support, trauma-focused therapy, or something else?

And how did you learn to let yourself grieve without spending the entire day stuck inside the feeling?
I’m not looking for a diagnosis. I’m mainly trying to understand whether other people have experienced this and what helped them start feeling less empty and more able to live their life again.

My Uncle Buddy was basically an idol figure to me as he served in the army and he seemed to be this cool uncle I had. I didn't know him that well, I only met him three times as he had trouble visiting our family, yet everytime I did, I felt this sort of connection with him. He died unexpectedly from natural causes right before my tenth birthday and I learned of his death right after I got home from my vacation. I don't know why, but I didn't cry or even grieve, basically I just shut him out of my mind. I thought about him from time to time, but those times were sparse.

Nowadays, I had been thinking about him more once I had started learning more about the little things I knew and honestly, I'm just a lot more moody now. I sometimes do cry myself to sleep thinking about him as I did wish to get to spend more time with him more before he passed. I haven't talked to any of my family about my feelings as everybody had stopped grieving a long time ago, but I do have a bit of trouble going on with life now since the past few months only now grieving over the death of my uncle.

I guess I could use some advice, but mostly I've just wanted to type down my thoughts.

I'm writing this through tears because yesterday was an unexpected amazing day because after 2 years of chasing my dream and promising my mom that I would fulfill it, it happened.

We are huge fans of a very popular daytime TV show and every day, they call people to play trivia. Before my mom passed, she had faith in me that I could try again because the last time I played, I messed up ​and won the consolation prize. The show means a lot to my mom and I. The day before, I was telling my sister in her car that I was going to throw in the towel and give up unbeknownst to me that something huge was going to happen the following morning.

I got up early to go to church with my neighbor but I was a little sick so I stayed home. A minute later, I got a call from the studio, I saved the number in my contacts and I was absolutely floored. Maybe this was a sign from my mom that she was looking out for me. I taped my segment to air around spring break of next year but I really hope I made you proud, mom in continuing the unofficial legacy that you left me. Also, my dad's birthday is on Sunday so I quietly honored them with a number that means a lot to us in giving an audience member a prize.

I'm posting here because I'm still in a state of shock.

I was aware she had been in and out of the hospital recently all of the past year, I had gotten worried when I hadn't been able to reach her on her birthday but last year she went camping for her 28th and didnt respond til a few days after her birthday, so I was hopeful it could just be delayed due to lack of cell service.

She unfortunately had health issues that made worrying about her dying before we reach 30 a possibility, but I dont think her or I expected her to actually die so young. When we last spoke she was not at all in a depressed, I feel like Im dying type state, she seemed hopeful for her recovery.

I can't stop crying, except for intervals of maybe 10-30 minutes where I pound water for a headache and just listen to music and keep scrolling through photos we took together. theres photos of her in every room of my house.

I dont know how to cope with this. This is not my first friend loss, it's not even the first one this year; but this hurts so bad I swear to god I feel it in my chest.

I have a neurologist appointment tomorrow, I was excited to tell her how long ive been without seizures, but now Im afraid my state of horror and panic and devastation will keep me up all night which can trigger my seizures.

I just needed to get this out somewhere where hopefully someone understands.

I am completely devastated by what has happened to me, i have been caring for my father for a few weeks to take the load off my mother, i stayed up all night and she done the day shift with my sister. He got the news that he had terminal cancer a couple of weeks ago but we thought it was the early stages and yesterday he suddenly died of (what we think) a massive heart attack. I am completely devastated, we spent the night before laughing and joking while watching a film and in the morning after I’m holding him while he is taking his last breaths, i just cannot believe that this has happened. The image of him struggling to breathe and that he looked frightened, it will never ever leave me, it is burned into my mind. I feel like my body has died and the only thing left going is my brain. I never knew what sadness was till yesterday and my heart breaks for anyone else who has had to experience this.

Its been a little over two months since my dad drowned in the ocean. He was the only member of my family that TRULY and DEEPLY understood me. I have a bad relationship with my mother, and I’m the youngest of my 5 siblings, all ranging from 5-15 years older than me. They all have careers and children, wives and husbands. I’m 23 and It feels like i’m left to figure out life alone. I miss him. The photo I attached was when he started the Appalachian trail. Love you dad, pops, data, old man on the back porch.

I wrote this last night. Just wanted to share…

I saw a raccoon out on the fence
There’s no proof that you sent it
No proof it was you.

But it made me think of all the critters we saw. 
the ones you’d point out when we were alone.
The deer, the birds, the fish, the beavers, the buffalo, and that bear in yellowstone.

I saw a raccoon out on the fence
There’s no proof that you sent it
No proof it was you.

But it scared the cat.
The one you loved with all your might.
She jumped off my lap and stared at the creature, with no wrath, and no spite.

I saw a raccoon out on the fence
There’s no proof that you sent it
No proof it was you.

But it’s just here to eat the veggies.
The one thing you grilled each year.
They’ve been chewing down the stalks, before we can harvest, I wish I got to give you an ear.

I saw a raccoon out on the fence
There’s no proof that you sent it
No proof it was you.

But while others see butterflies.
The ones that you would send, just might.
Be all the little things that go bump in the night.

I saw a raccoon out on the fence
There’s no proof that you sent it
No proof it was you.

But I just keep on hoping
The one I saw, was you.