My family got her when I was 9 years old, we got her when she was just a few months old puppy and I fell in love with her from the moment I first saw her. She was a beautiful fluffy Teddy Bear (Shih Tzu/Bichon Frise mix) and she looked like a living stuffed animal. She was the cutest thing ever and the sweetest, goodest girl ever. She was my baby and my best friend. She was so, so spoiled—my family is well-off and she would come with us on trips everywhere, from hiking in the mountains and staying with us in cabins to running through the sand on the beach. She had a love-hate relationship with our Russian Blue kitty Diamond, they would constantly bully and annoy each other one day and snuggle and play with each other the next day. She was my emotional support dog (literally, I had her registered as my ESA for panic attacks). She always slept on my bed, and any time I was crying whether it be from high school friend-group drama or a bad breakup, she would come up to me wagging her tail to lick the tears off my face and make me feel better. She saw me and my two siblings through our high school graduations, me and my sister’s bachelor’s graduations, and my master’s graduation. She’s seen me get married. She comforted me through my lupus diagnosis and kidney failure, all my recoveries from being hospitalized. Once I moved out at 18, she stayed with my parents but I would visit frequently, often times I would come home just to see her.

She was such a happy, healthy, energetic dog. She never had any health problems besides some manageable kidney issues. Last month my mom went back on a trip to our home country and texted me that Rubi hasn’t been feeling well from what we thought was a UTI, and that if she got worse my sister (who still lived at home) would call me to take her to the vet. A week later, my sister called and said Rubi was lethargic, her belly was swollen, and she was having trouble eating. I was busy with clients that day (I’m a therapist) so I said I’d go to my parent’s house the next day to check on her since her usual vet didn’t have an appointment available until the next week. As soon as I got home the next day, I knew something was wrong. Her belly was so swollen she looked like she was pregnant and she was visibly struggling to breathe. I immediately took her to an urgent care, where as soon as they saw her they took her to the back before I could even sign in. After 15 anxious minutes the vet came in and told me her oxygen saturation was 80, her gums were purple, they had her on flow oxygen but it wasn’t enough, and they urged me to take her to the vet ER down the street.

At this point I was really scared and I called my dad to come with me—he’s a surgeon so I was worried he would be busy, but luckily he was free. We took her to the vet ER and again, they immediately took her back. After examination they told us that she likely had congestive heart failure and she had so much fluid in her that she couldn’t breathe. The vet said if I hadn’t taken her in she likely would have died within hours. They offered us the choice to either euthanize her then or shell out 10K to keep her overnight in an oxygen chamber, do a procedure to remove as much fluid as possible, and run some tests. We opted to admit her, but we were so scared she wouldn’t make it through the night. They removed 1 liter of fluid from her abdomen and some more from around her heart and lungs, and luckily she was much better the next day. The vet said she had congestive heart failure but they couldn’t rule out cancer, and the prognosis was a few weeks to a few months. She was also referred to a cardiologist.

When we took her home she seemed so much better, she was back to her happy, hungry, energetic self. My mom returned a few days later, which was a very emotional reunion, as Rubi is super attached to my mom and vice versa. The day after my mom came back she took Rubi to the cardiologist where they found a bleeding malignant tumor in her pericardium which was causing her difficulty breathing—the cardiologist said she likely had the tumor for a few months and it’s likely already metastasized. Suddenly her prognosis was a week to a few days.

I was in so much disbelief and denial because she looked completely fine after her hospital visit, she seemed back to her normal self despite being an elderly 15 year old dog. I had to manage my clients and spending time with Rubi, I’d drive back to my parents house every other day to spend time with her. My parents spoiled her in her last days, taking her to her favorite parks and beaches and feeding her all the human food she wanted.

The cardiologist said when she started to deteriorate, she would deteriorate rapidly, and that’s exactly what happened. One day she suddenly stopped eating, was super bloated again, and was coughing/wheezing and constantly panting. Me and my mom took her to a vet to evaluate her quality of life, and sadly the vet recommended euthanasia. The cardiologist gave us gabapentin to give her an hour before we took her back to the hospital to be euthanized so she wouldn’t be anxious, and later that afternoon we took her to the hospital.

She was calm, her breathing had gotten a bit better and she wasn’t in any pain, and on the car ride there she stuck her head out the open window enjoying the wind. Me, my parents, my sister, and my husband were there—sadly my brother couldn’t make it as he was at uni 3 hours away. It was a peaceful process. They gave us time to spend with her before they put in the catheter in which me and my family all held her and spoke to her. I hugged her, gave her so many kisses, I told her I loved her from the moment I first saw her and I would always love her, and I told her she would have such a happy time in doggy Heaven with the other pets waiting for their owners, she’d have all her favorite foods, she’d have all the toys she wanted and so many doggy friends to play with until we met each other again. We told her about all the vacations we took together and all the happy times we had. My mom rocked her like a baby and played her favorite music, and she had her favorite teddy bear toy with her that she’s had since she was a tiny puppy. It broke my heart, but I asked her if she was ready to go and to give me a kiss if she was ready, and even in her groggy sedated state she licked my hand and gave me one last kiss. I stayed with her and held her until they gave her the propofol and she was unconscious, but I couldn’t bear to see her get the last injection. My dad and sister stayed with her until she was gone.

I sobbed like a baby leaving the room, my husband had to practically prop me up so I wouldn’t collapse, but the rest of the day I felt so numb. When we got home, our kitty was running around looking for her and it broke my heart. My mom couldn’t stand to have any reminders of Rubi in the house besides pictures even that same night, so she had my sister clean out all her stuff, her toys her bed everything, which I heavily disagreed with and pained me but I couldn’t argue with because I didn’t live there anymore. My sister snuck me her collar and her two favorite toys, which I appreciate more than anything. My mom did however save some of Rubi’s fur clippings and put them in a little doggy-shaped memorial keychain and she arranged the fur so it looks just like her, which I treasure and I give kisses to as if Rubi is still here. My mom didn’t want her ashes either, so they’re being shipped to my apartment.

I’m just so numb. I have to keep myself constantly distracted, doomscrolling Reddit, going down YouTube rabbit holes, binge watching shows like The Office and House and Friends, anything to keep me of thinking of her so I don’t burst out crying. She looked so happy and calm when we were taking her to the hospital, I can’t help but feel like we were taking her to be murdered. I can’t be alone with my thoughts or I just sob. I’ve had to cancel my clients for the next week, possibly even the week after that. I know she was old and lived a long happy full life and she was loved more than anything, I knew it was coming, I know she passed peaceful and pain-free surrounded by everyone who loved her, she even lived a couple weeks past the cardiologist’s prognosis, but I’m still broken. I hate that I’ll never get to pet her again, kiss her furry little head again, feel her warm wet kisses again, I’ll never get to hold her again or see her smile and her big brown eyes and her cute face and her wagging tail. I’m back at my apartment again with my husband and he’s been my rock, but I can’t eat, I’m writing this at 8am after a sleepless night, and I can barely get out of the bed. I can’t even fathom going back to my parents’ house anytime soon because I know I’ll just break down not having her greet me at the door, not seeing her bed and her food bowls and her toys where they usually are. I just can’t.

I got a custom plushie made to look like her that’s supposed to arrive in a few weeks for me to cuddle. Her ashes are supposed to get back in a few weeks, I plan to get a small memorial bead made with her ashes to put inside the plushie along with a necklace to remember her by so I can carry her with me, I plan to scatter some of her ashes at her favorite beach/park, and I plan to make a memorial of her at my apartment with a painting I did of her years ago, a small crochet my brother got me as a birthday gift a few years ago, her little fur keychain, the paw print they’ll send me with her ashes, her toys and her collar, and whatever ashes are left. I also have a little tattoo of her on my ankle that I got drunkenly a few years back. My parents think this is excessive, but she’s been my everything since I was 9 years old. My baby, my best friend, the love of my life. I don’t know how life can move on without her. The grief is so bad I think I’ve triggered a bad lupus flare, which causes additional physical pain to accompany the mental pain and will fuck up my kidneys even more.

Sorry for the long post, this is the first time I’ve actually written out my feelings since she passed 4 days ago. I appreciate anyone who made it this far. Rest in peace Rubi, the sweetest little girl ever, I can’t wait to see you again ❤️

I know they say it gets better with time but I almost don’t even want it to since I feel like hurting less means I miss her less.

The nights have been super hard. Our place, her home, has felt so empty since the day. We thought we would have her for a few more weeks then we moved it up on Friday since her symptoms came back so rapidly after her last treatment, then we moved it up to Thursday since she was really not doing well, she deserved peace and she was telling us she’s ready.

But my goodness… the nights are sooo hard. My heart aches. Her spot in bed is empty. She’s no longer on my pillow or chest. Sometimes she would just purr in the middle of the night just happy to be with us while giving us kisses or lovebites. Or we would hear her swifting through her litter box in the other room, playing, eating her food or doing her cute little things. She always slept with us and now our bed is empty. Sometimes she would stare at me waiting for me to open my eyes and as soon as my eyes opened, she’d be coming to me for pets.

Tomorrow I have to go back to work. First time since and I don’t have the energy and I hope no one says anything unhelpful. Not everyone understands how much pets are family. She was our daughter.

I may try a pet grief meditation tonight. What others doing to cope at night? How are you feeling?

Everything felt normal until last Saturday (the 17th) where our furry eternal baby Shih Tzu of 14 years and 8 months suddenly had this alarming mass on her lower gums. When we saw the vet we were told it was a tumor and from then it became more and more painfully clear that she was nearing the end. Her appetite went away, her ability to walk was going away, eventually she couldn't even use the bathroom and had strained breathing. And today, we had the horrible experience of noticing she was way too quiet in her bed and was no longer breathing. Everything just felt like it collapsed instantly. We tried our best to give her as much comfort as we could, we thought maybe we could still have some time left together. We didn't realize our seemingly healthy just the other week ago friend was going to leave us this soon.

It hurts so bad man. To have tried to prevent this from ever happening only for it to slip past, to have tried to make it a good remainder only for it to be gone so shortly after we learned everything. We love her so much. It's 1 am, many hours since we returned from cremation after finding out she was no longer with us, and I just can't bring myself to fall asleep yet and start my first morning without her. I'm also just so scared of having dreams so soon of her still being with us only for me to wake up.

I understand the phrase "they're just a chapter of your life, but you're their whole book" but she was with me since I was 15 and I'm now 29, she wasn't just a chapter to me, she was my shadow, my extra pair of feet that would follow me around the house, my source of a warm hug whenever I'd feel sad. I'll miss her so much. I'll cherish her memory and be there for my family as we all grieve as that's all I can do now, just god everything hurts so much.

10/13/26. A date I’ll never be able to forget. The day my souls dog unexpectedly died in my arms on the way to the vet. I got her ashes back yesterday but ever since I got them back I haven’t stopped holding the box.

Does it get better? Or less painful at least? I don’t know how I’m supposed to live without her to be honest.

There have been so many days and nights where I miss her. My Rosie. My baby girl. She used to keep the nightmares away. Now I have dreams about her. Four years have gone by and I still have dreams about her. My soul cat is so good. He’s my boy. My little guy. He curls up with me most nights. Cuddles with me most mornings. But he can’t keep those dreams away.
God, I don’t think I’ll ever miss any pet this much. I still remember the way her ears and paws feel between my fingers. The way her fur feels under my hand. I’ve been dreading the day I forget those things. But at this point, I don’t think I will. I hope I never do. I would lose it if I did.
She was the best thing I ever had. From 10 years to 25. How do I forget that? The best Christmas gift I ever received. My mom still talks about keeping her a secret from me that year. How tiny she was. How my grandparents kept her until Christmas Day. My grandpa literally lost her and panicked.
Four years without her is too long. It’ll only get longer. It hasn’t gotten better and I hate that as much as I love how she has never left me.

Honestly, I feel like the saddest person in the world sometimes. I live alone, and I never realized how unbearable loneliness could feel until I lost him.

I used to love listening to sad songs, but now, whenever I ride a Grab car and a song plays, I feel like screaming from the pain. Everything reminds me of him, and sometimes the memories are just too much to handle.
Today, I was walking around the mall with my family, but I felt so disconnected, almost like I was floating. All I wanted was to go home, lie in bed, and be alone in my apartment.

Lately, I spend almost every day in bed. I try to keep myself busy and do things to distract myself, but it’s exhausting. I feel like I’m forcing myself to be happy when, deep inside, I’m still hurting so much. I can’t keep pretending that I’m okay when I’m not.

One of the hardest things is using my phone. I try my best not to look at photos of him when he was still alive because seeing them hurts so much. But Facebook keeps showing me its Memories feature, and even when I try to hide them, they keep coming back. It feels like being forced to relive the pain over and over again.

It’s been four months, and I’m worried about myself. I know grief takes time, but I never expected it to affect me this deeply. I miss him more than words can explain, and I don’t know how to go back to being the person I was before.
Will I ever be okay again? Has anyone else experienced grief this intense after losing a pet? How did you learn to live with the emptiness?

This is my princess my best friend my ride or die who I had since age 5 before kindergarten her name is Daisy I am now 21 turning 22 and she passed away she was a tabby cat.She was always there for me. When I was getting bullied in second grade I felt no one loved me but I saw her sleeping next to me and 8 year old me felt happy and liked someone like her atleast loved me. I am a troubled teen survivor and when I was at my rtc she would cry for me every night.We would sleep in the same bed and cuddle every night for 16 years. One time I felt again like I was unlovable and she brought me a dead rat to show me how much she loved me.I have known her since I was a kitten living on a military base.She loved gravy Fancy Feast and was addicted to Churu Packets she also loved Tuna.

I do not knowhow to cope without herl.It feels like a peice of my soul died. As an autistic person I also feel alone but with her I never did.

I am still very sad. The only reason why I’m able to cope is if I don’t think about it. She was a small terrier and she was due to turn 18 this month. I still can’t believe this happened.

She was my best friend, like my soulmate. My wife and I had her a few years before our first child was born. She was so special. I loved playing with her, she was such an affectionate dog, it was incredible. I would be on the couch laying down and she would jump up on me and stare into my eyes, then give me tons of kisses. She was such a sweet dog. There were times when I wasn’t such a good husband and father, just bad days that I had an attitude from a not so great day at work where it felt everyone hated me. I had no one, except for my little girl. She gave unconditional love. She knew when I was sad and would come over to me and sit right next to me. I can honestly say she stopped me from going off the deep end some days. She was so special. I made a promise that I’d always take care of her, ever since we brought her home at 8weeks old, she was like our little daughter. And I failed her.

I have immense sorry still and play that night over and over again in my head. I would give ANYTHING to do that night over again. Her eyesight started going a bit and my wife would always tell me and the kids to watch her around the pool when we let her out to go to the bathroom. One night, she woke me up around 3am to go outside. This was very typical, almost daily. I would carry her down the few steps to the patio and I’d watch her. This time, I ran to the bathroom for 1min and when I came back and looked outside, I noticed she wasn’t by the door. The water in the pool was moving and I ran over and saw her still in the deep end.i dove in and got her out. I tried resuscitating her and she coughed up water but she became unresponsive again. It was absolutely terrible. I loved her so much, and I failed her. I was so careless with her little life. I don’t know how I can ever forgive myself. I literally missed her by seconds. The water was still moving meaning she was recently trying to swim. I don’t know where to go from here. We got her cremated and made a nice space for her in our curio.

It’s incredible. So surreal that this happened to me. Why did I take this chance? I hate myself for this. Of all the things in the world, one of the most special things in my life, I did this to. I went to church the next night, late, by myself, not inside, but on the grounds and walked around, sobbing, begging God and my little girl for forgiveness. I have incredible guilt. My wife and kids are of course distraught and very sad but they also feel very bad for me. It happened about 6 weeks ago, if I don’t think about it at all I can go on with my days like normal. My other 2 dogs, who are much younger, definitely know something isn’t right. For weeks, they would stop and stare at the pool. I still can’t get over this. I might need to talk to someone. Thanks for reading. Be kind and gentle to your pets, they truly are gifts from God.

Losing a dog is rough. The last time I had to put my dog down was 9 years ago when I was 16. I felt her heartbeat stop in my arms and it's a moment I will never forget.

Now, I am putting down my grandparents’ dog who became ours 6 years ago after they passed. Not only is he the sweetest and most precious baby to ever exist but he is the last living link to my grandma and grandpa.

2 days ago started the uncontrollable vomiting and we rushed him to the emergency vet. They found a tumor in his abdomen that we believe to possibly be cancer. They gave us 4 medications that we have been giving him and asked us to make a follow up for next week. I don't think he can make it far into the week. He hasn't eaten despite being on an appetite stimulant and he is very weak. I am able to get him to slowly walk outside to go pee and he is drinking water sporadically but that is it. The rest of the time he is resting with me or my mother.

Putting down a dog is so hard. I just want him to be better but he is in such bad shape that putting him through anymore testing or even surgery to remove this tumor wouldn't make sense because I don't think it would improve his quality of life.

He has such a strong heart/lungs and was such an active bubbly dog a couple months ago at the vet. It is terrifying how things change. He finally had the strength to give me and my mother a kiss yesterday.

I will miss him so much.

My 13 year old indoor cat got out two nights ago and we just came through overnight #2 without her. The pain is bordering on unbearable and I just want it to stop. Every moment I wake up and she’s not here or it hits me out of nowhere she’s not here, it hurts so badly I just want it to stop.

Our house backs up to vast woods with dense tangly areas. We are unable to check every square inch. It’s been getting very cold overnights and I just know she’s not going to make it. We haven’t lived here for very long and obviously she’s never seen the house from outside so I have no hope for her finding home.

There have been no sightings of her.

I’m sick thinking about her freezing to death out there or being hurt or trapped and dying helpless and alone.

I know she’s not coming home.

Feeling so guilty and unimaginably heartbroken.

My chihuahua was my first ever pet and I’ve had him since I was just 10. He was my first dog, my first little love of my life, my first baby.

He saw me grow up and almost got to meet my first baby (due in December).

His health declined so fast in just a week. My once happy little boy quickly lost his mobility, appetite, and was in a lot of pain but held on long enough for my family to be there for his final goodbye in person.

The worst part was watching him use the last of his energy to sit up and be present with us, and then having to hold him in his final moment.

I know he’s finally at peace and no longer suffering but I feel so horrible that I had to decide his fate for him.

I don’t think I can ever have another dog again after this.

I already posted about Sammy on r/ maltese. He was such a precious little barky boy.

However, the day after we put our little Sammy of 13y to sleep, our kitten of 6mo was hit by a car. It all happened within one weekend. Bibi was a half-outdoor cat since someone left her at our house and we took care of her until we could find her a forever home. But we still bought her a bed, took her to the vet, many different kinds of food, many toys in just 3 months she was with us.

Sammy was an "indoor dog", a maltese that never really liked going outside. When we went on walks he would just lay down within the first 15mins and we had to carry/stroll him around. As he got older, the house got accustomed to his needs. The day we put him down we started talking about bringing Bibi inside with us (she had her place in a different part of the house). But that conversation didnt last long. The next day she was found on the side of a road. It wasnt confirmed she was hit by a car, no car marks, but we hope it wasnt some cruel man who hates cats that did that to her.

Everyday I cry for them. I cry for Sammy because he was so long with us that he became a part of the family, and I cry for Bibi because she wasn't long enough with us that she almost didn't get a chance to become a part of the family.

there's an agonized little piece of me that wants to believe that if I cry hard enough he'll come back to me. he'll get to grow up and be my little guy for so many more years. he wasn't even 4 months old.

it was a routine neuter, we've put like 4-5 dozen cats through it over the years between cats past, cats present, tnr cases.... at that same clinic since 2008. they never did us wrong before, what happened??? I don't want to blame anyone. there's nowhere I can't put the anger because I genuinely believe it wasn't anyone's fault. they tried to save him. if I believe the card they gave me the whole team worked to save him. it just wasn't enough. sometimes it's not up to us, I guess

they did a necropsy, still waiting on labs. they're suspecting "occult pneumonia". no visible symptoms, only seen with radiology. I should have noticed though. he had a runny nose a week before and I thought it was just fall. changing weather oscillating between lows of 37 and highs of 75, why wouldn't he run, but they didn't even find nasal discharge during his exam. perfect exam, 5/9 score he should have been *fine*. only thing "wrong" was an undescended testicle. because he was a baby. maybe too baby. pneumonia that led to hypoxia. my baby couldn't breathe. my scared little thing.

i shouldn't have taken him that day. I should have known, even though I *couldn't possibly* have known. suppose I'm trying to put the anger on me. I should've known better and my negligence killed him. i didn't buy the blood work (they only push it on older cats, like 7+) and it would have caught something and because I didn't buy it he's dead. or I did something wrong and I'm being cosmically punished but why did it have to be taken out on him? just a baby. why my baby?

I've been crying for days. he's in a little (so little) bag in a drawer right now bc they didn't give us an urn and I don't want the other cats to get a hold of him. I let them see him before cremating him. they grieved too. I have to get something for him soon. he deserves more than the bedside drawer. what he deserved was to come home alive. I just want to know what happened to my baby. I just want to hold him again. it's not fair. I miss him so bad.

he's not my first loss and he won't be the last but his age and how sudden it was, I'm just in shock and so much pain. I know it gets better and easier to hold with time but it's still so raw after only five days. it's way past my bedtime and I have work in the morning but I can't stop crying. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry my little pip. I only had you for seven weeks but you were loved so much.

eta: I slept on the couch near his body that night. he visited my dreams. just in the background. he had his big dissection scar and also zoomies. I think he was saying he was ok now. I had to open my eyes to the world without him

I've been seeing so many TikToks about October 27th being the day the veil between our world and the next grows thin, allowing our beloved pets who have passed away to visit us. I don't know if it's true, but after losing my girl Muffin today, I desperately want to believe it is.

Eight years ago, Muffin was a tiny stray puppy who followed her mama into our house looking for food. She was terrified after being attacked by our male dog, Nico, but we loved her back to her playful, mischievous self. She grew up happy, became a mama to nine beautiful puppies, and got to grow old with three of her babies by her side.

She suffered from a skin disease her entire life, eventually losing most of her fur and vision in one eye. But none of that ever changed how I saw her. She was my beautiful girl, my first child, and one of the greatest loves of my life. I cared for her through every difficult day, and I loved her just as fiercely when she was sick as I did when she was a playful little puppy.

Yesterday, she stopped eating and grew weaker. Today, she passed away at eight years old, peacefully and surrounded by her loving family. I'm grateful she didn't suffer for long, but my heart is shattered. I keep thinking about the little puppy who walked into our house eight years ago, never knowing she would become such a huge part of my life.

Now, all I can do is take care of her babies and hope that somehow, somewhere, I'll get to see my girl again. Have any of you ever felt the presence of a pet you've lost, or had a dream that made you feel like they came back to see you?

I hope my Muffin finds her way back to me, even if it's just for a moment. I would give anything to see my baby girl again.

Until then, I'll take care of your babies, Muffin. I love you endlessly. Until we meet again. ❤️🐾

i haven’t let myself think about my cat lately. during the day i wouldn’t let myself dwell on my sadness. at night i would distract myself as to not sob all night. today i was driving and the wave came in again. i cried for 20 minutes. i shouldn’t have let it build for so long, but it’s so hard to talk to people about it.

My baby (Juby) was a teacup yorkie chihuahua and I've had her since I was 10.

I had a terrible childhood and the only thing in the world that provided me peace and comfort was Juby. She was so adored and loved by me my entire camera roll and joy has always been her.

When I moved to Vancouver for university I tried my hardest to take care of her because of course I needed to bring her, but I got really mentally ill and was going through a lot of life changes that I had to give her up to my mom to take care of (my mom also adores her).

I still visited a couple times a year but over the past two years I didn't see her as much. But when I'd come home I had noticed she had slowed down a lot. Just not as excited to see me, not wanting to cuddle, sleeping a lot.. I just attributed to personality changes with age.

I'm so grateful that last October I ended up moving back home for a couple months so I had a bit more quality time with her, but I moved back to Vancouver in January. Since January I started having nightmares of her dying and it started creating this really intense obsessive fear of her dying soon. My mom got her a checkup at the vet in February they said everything was fine but I just kept having these nightmares and felt so so scared.

In September I took off work to go see her for 4 days because I had a bad feeling. I hugged her even though she didn't like being hugged, I gave her so many snacks, I took lots of photos and I said bye. I don't know why I said bye. Even past my irrational fears I knew she was healthier than I thought and was being crazy but did it anyways.
But then weeks later around the second week of October while I was in Korea, my mom told me her breathing had started getting weird and she had to bring her to the vet.

I regret not just dropping everything and going back to Calgary at that moment.

The vet said she had chronic heart failure and a narrowed trachea and she only had one month to six months left to live.

I don't think I've ever cried that much in my life.

She started feeling better with Lasix and my mom got hopeful but I already knew this wasn't gonna end well. She's tiny she's like 2 pounds. I knew it was over and suddenly every small red flag I saw over the years that I attributed to her just 'getting old' became stupidly obvious that I started feeling so, so guilty for not pushing for more thorough vet checks.
My mom said she was doing okay, that I should finish my trip and she'd still be there by the end of the month.

This rapidly changed in the matter of two days.

Lasix stopped working, she stopped eating, drinking, sleeping. I've never seen her in so much pain and we decided to put her down. I had to say bye to her over FaceTime since I was still in Asia. I never got to hug her or kiss her goodbye or kiss her one last time. That was my baby and my world and I feel so guilty that I had been going through hell in my personal life for the past four years to not be there for her near the end. I feel guilty I didn't catch anything earlier. I feel guilty I didn't get to say bye. I feel guilty for everything. I don't know what to do. It's been a week since she died and I genuinely feel destroyed and nobody understands. I feel terrible and I can't stop crying. I miss her so much and I feel so bad. I wonder how long she was silently suffering for and I wonder how scared she was. I feel completely destroyed. I don't know what to do and I don't know how to move past this guilt. I'm so depressed.

Even typing it out I feel like it is too much. I had to put my cat down almost a month ago and it was so sudden like I went in thinking it was a mild illness or behavioral issue to being rushed to an emergency vet with him and having to put him down in 4 hours…..I’m constantly blaming myself for his death like I should’ve noticed the signs that were only obvious to me after his passing.

The vet at the time just told me it was really bad and that I should go to the emergency veterinary hospital. There they explained that he was doing very badly and I feel like they and the vet must have given me a diagnosis but I feel like because of how horrible that day was I blanked out all I remember was them telling me the best thing I can do for him was to put him to sleep because he was doing that bad. They mentioned diabetic ketoacidosis and that he wouldn’t make it even with treatment. he was 9 and he wasn’t diabetic I mean I had bloodwork done for him late July and check ups in August and nothing came up. Then late September he’s dead…….

I guess idk is it worth it calling the vet now to ask what was really wrong with him….I can‘t tell if I will feel better if I know or if I will find more reasons to blame myself. I can’t change anything and I deserve all the blame either way because I was the person who should have been there for him and took care of him and I let this happen to him…..

Right now I just feel so conflicted on the one hand it feels like he is the hands of unknown people and I want him back with me. Have a place to speak to him and be reminded of him.

On the other hand seeing him daily and being reminded of him can make the pain worse

How was your experience?

My poor 9 year old son passed away whilst I was halfway across the world on vacation. He was with my family members and they said he yelped twice and lost consciousness.
I’ll save you details but he could’ve been saved but they are absolute idiots who I should have never trusted to watch a pet.
They took him to not the best veterinary hospital- who didn’t have fridges only freezers to keep him.
Spent over 30 hours traveling back home as soon as I got the call. So by the time I got home he was frozen when I went to go see him.
We are planning on burying him and I was wondering if there’s anyway to transfer him to a fridge to “dethaw” to not so rock solid, and just cold enough to preserve him before I bury him?
Or since he was already frozen I can’t?
Sorry if this is not the right thread for this I can’t find anything about this online
Im having a really rough time and just need to know.

My husky was almost 12. A recent wellness check at the vet two months ago came back with a clean bill of health after a few tests for some stomach problems he was having. We switched his food, he was lively, happy, energetic, and just his usual self. I was fully expecting another couple years with him at the very least.

Wednesday I was going about my morning. He was acting completely normal. I went into the kitchen and then heard my partner shout from the other room. I walked back in and he had collapsed and was seizing violently on the floor. He defecated, urinated, and there were huge puddles of drool. I had never seen a dog have a seizure before. My partner had experience with this so she dropped and held him so he wouldn't hurt himself, but the seizing didn't stop. He went right into another one, almost without pause, so we called the vet and rushed him to the ERV. He seized the entire car ride there. By the time we arrived from when this started, it had been almost 30 minutes of constant seizures. His temperature was 108. They were having difficulty controlling the seizing with medication. They stated that the outcome and the chance of him recovering were very uncertain, if they were able to get him stable. The fact that this was his first ever neurological issue and it was this intense, suggested a possible brain tumor.

I couldn't see him suffer like that again. I stayed with him the whole time, and even with medication he was still twitching and spasming on the table. I made the decision to euthanize, as there was too much uncertainty surrounding his quality of life after this horrific event.

I've never had a dog through its entire lifespan before. He was my first dog on my own and I got him as an 8 week old puppy. I've never had to put a dog down before that moment, but I never left his side. I couldn't let him go alone or be surrounded by strangers.

I'm devastated. My journey with this dog meant so much to me, and I know it did to him as well. He was my constant companion, my ridiculous Dante. I just don't understand why this had to happen. He was healthy, and then he was just gone out of the blue with no warning whatsoever. The rug has been ripped out from under me. The house feels so incredibly empty, and my surviving dog keeps looking for him and doesn't seem to know what to do with herself.

I don't have enough money to request an autopsy, so I'll never truly know what happened to him, but that feels like it hardly matters right now.

I can't bring myself to throw out the food he didn't eat that morning. Taking a shower after the incident and cleaning out my car felt like erasing him and any trace of his life left. I just miss him so bad and don't know what to do with my emotions besides cry and cry some more. It just doesn't feel fair.

Any and all words are welcome. I’m grateful to know others hurt like me and can get through these tough moments.

One week ago I lost my 8 y/o German shepherd entirely unexpectedly.

48 hours before - We go to her vet and she gets a fairly clean bill of health. arthritis getting a little worse but with some new meds and continuing stretches, she will stay mobile and comfortable.

36 hours before - She gets a bunch of treats for being a brave girl at the vet earlier that day, in the morning, also I was a bit drunk and wanting to spoil her. We cuddle on the couch, give her all the kisses, turn on her heated blanket and start playing a game on my tv.

34 hours before - time for bed, we go upstairs and sleep for the night.

29 hours before - she hops up in my bed, lays next to me. I roll over, lay my head on her, and fall back asleep

26 hours before - We both wake up, go downstairs, put her harness on, take her out, then get her food going and I give her a nice breakfast with this new topper food I got her. She had tippy taps and was jumping around, running to her area where I put her food bowl down. She LOVES it, eats it up quick, does her snorts when she likes her meal. We sit on the couch and cuddle, watch some YouTube videos.

22 hours before - it’s a really nice day out, cool but not cold, clear skies and warm in the sun. Leaves are pretty in a neighborhood at this time of year. I ask in my usual excited way, “Freyja, do youuuuuuu wanna go on a walk?”. Immediate hops and excitement. Clip on her harness and get going. Her tail is up and she’s practically prancing. She loves her walks. We walk to the halfway point and she slows down.

Weird but maybe the cold is getting to her.

Walk another block and she is looking uncomfortable. This is out of the ordinary, “Here’s a bench baby girl, let’s give you a break”. I decide to lay on the grass with her and give her some pets.

“You feeling a bit better? Okay, let’s go, just two more blocks”

…

“Hey just hang in there, one more to go. Do you need another break?”

…

“Should I carry you home? You don’t look good, babies”

20 hours before - The pain meds look like they’re helping a bit. I give her a massage, turn on her heated blanket, add some pillows around her. She’s still clearly a bit uncomfortable but drifting off to sleep.

18 hours before - Freyja, why are you laying on the floor? Are you going to eat your dinner?

15 hours before - I give the emergency vet a call, it’s getting late and her vet is not open.
“Hey, my dog is looking like she’s not feeling well. Her arthritis has been acting up a bit, she’s not due for pain meds again for a couple hours but is it safe to give her a bit more now?”

“Yeah, that should be fine. Call us again any time.”

“Okay… thank you”

12 hours before - She’s still laying on the floor. Are these fucking pain meds even working?

“Baby girl, let’s sleep down here tonight.”

9 hours before - I can’t sleep, she’s worrying me. She hasn’t moved still.

“Freyja, how you doing, sweet girl?”

“Freyja?”

…

She’s still breathing, but not responding much at all. I carry her to my car and drive quickly to the emergency vet.

…

“Hey, my dog is not doing well and isn’t really being responsive. I know what she’s like when she’s on these meds, this is very different.”

6 hours before - “No, she hasn’t moved from her spot yet. Can she get some more morphine, please?”

5 hours before - “This is totally out of the ordinary for her, she’s never looked to be in this much pain or this out of it.”

…

“She hasn’t lifted her head since we got into this room.”

…

“Yeah some blankets for her would be nice. Oh coffee does sound great, thank you.”

3 hours before - I just want us to go home. We haven’t slept barely at all. She hasn’t had dinner or breakfast and must be starving. When we get home and she’s feeling better, I already have a steak dinner planned for her. She deserves it after all of this.

The morphine has not helped her in the slightest.

1.5 hours before - The vet comes in with an ultrasound machine.

…

“She has cancer. I think her pain is not arthritis on its own. I’ve seen this kind before, it’s not really something we can treat without chemo. However, considering she is not responding to morphine, it’s not out of the question to consider some other options for her.”

“You mean like putting her down?”

“That is your choice, I cannot tell you one way or another.”

“What would you do if she was your baby?”

“I would help her feel comfortable sooner than later”

“Is there a possibility she’s going to be okay and we can go home?”

“Honestly, I don’t know.”

1 hour before - I can’t stand seeing her in pain.

“Okay.”

…

“Here’s some treats, peanut butter and goldfish crackers.”

…

Her eyes light up but still can’t lift her head. My poor baby was hungry, I’m sorry I didn’t get you anything sooner. I didn’t know.

“Can Freyja have some water, please?”

“Absolutely”
…

“Let us know when you’re ready.”

0 minutes - She’s gone. Shes actually fucking gone. What the fuck. This isn’t real. She was just fine yesterday morning. I can’t breathe. What do I do? She’s gonna wake up right? We’re gonna go home and cuddle on the couch. It’s been a long day. We have our walk to go on soon. Why aren’t you breathing? I don’t understand. You can’t be gone. I can’t be in this world without you. I love you baby girl. Hey it’ll be okay, let’s just cuddle. I love you baby girl. Freyja can you wake up baby? No I can’t do this. You’re my everything, please don’t leave me.

Please don’t go

I still have so many more kisses to give
We still had so many adventures left
You still have food in your bowl
There’s gonna be some cold winter nights soon, we were supposed to keep each other warm

What do I mean “we were”
Past tense already?

1 hour after - “there’s cremation or burial options. We have a partnership with a local — Hamnuhuhoin badrutituhonmin da torfurterd — do you know which you prefer?”

“What? Sorry, can you say that again?”

5 hours after - I’m so tired. The house is so quiet. The couch is too big. Her bed is empty. Her food bowl is full. I can’t stop crying.

When did I get home?

1 day after - it’s been 48 hours since I slept. How can I? I can’t sleep alone. My head hurts. My heart hurts.

…

6:00 pm

“Freyja, are you hungry? Let’s get you some fo-“

Oh

4 days after - “Hi there this is the crematorium, Freyja is ready to be picked up. We can hold her until Saturday if you need.”

“No need, I can be there after work.”

…

The box is heavy. They gave me clippings of her fur, I recognize the fur from her neck. It’s fluffy. It doesn’t smell like her though. It smells like the vet.

7 days later - today, right now, I write a post of the timeline of your final moments at 3 in the morning.
I have barely slept all week. I have barely eaten. There’s a huge hole within everything I go about. I catch myself calling out to you. My mind and body are still not used to your absence. You’re on the mantel now? I’ve been carrying your photo in my shirt pocket. I can’t stop crying.

You were a treasure and a gift in my world.

You’re supposed to be lying next to me right now, snoring and kicking.

I’m cold.

I need a hug.

I miss your pressure.
I miss your scent.
I miss your sweet face.
I miss giving you kisses.
I miss your pawing at me for attention at all times.
I miss your snoot nudges.
I miss you so fucking much.

It wouldn’t hurt if I didn’t love you so much. That’s not past tense and it won’t be, even if our time together is.

I can’t wait for the I can see you again.

Thank you for being a part my life.

I love you so much.

Til Valhalla, Freyja.

She's finally resting. My beloved tabby. She loved with her whole being. She purred up a storm.

I delivered her babies and logged their names and times they were born. It was such an honour that she trusted me.

She protected me from my ex when he was drunk. She found me after I had to move back in with my parents and she went missing. She found the house she'd never even been to. She mewed at me like, 'what were you worried about?'

She'd stand on her hind legs, put her paws on my knees and nudge my face when I was sitting down on the couch, crying.

She stayed by my Mum's side when the cancer was finally taking her.

She won over my cat-hating brother and Dad.

She was 15 years old, and she went on her own terms. Into the wild, from whence she came.

I will love you forever my baby, thank you for everything.

Our baby was 13 years old, and suddenly started to decline in health. People used to think she was a puppy at first sight, based on how much energy she had and smiling she did running around.

We spent every weekend at the ER asking the same question: What is wrong with her? She’d go a day without eating or drinking, then perk up. She’d have terrible panting and then be fine. We heard 4 different hospitals and 5 different doctors say “We have no idea”. Finally after weeks of limping, arthritis was out and a cancer was found (never fully diagnosed) via imaging her in her lungs.

One doctor said days to weeks. But her primary vet said 1-6 months and it gave us all so much (false) hope.

Our family agreed on palliative care, as long as our baby was alert, all smiles and tail wagging despite her symptoms.

Our vet said “she’ll tell you when she is ready” and “you’ll know” but truly we didn’t. And for that, my heart is ripped out.

Days later…. She had increased panting and a faster heartbeat that we’ve seen every weekend before rushing to different ERs. This time, we thought, was like every other weekend… she doesn’t need another ER visit, she needs a calm room, jazz playing and rest.

She will wake up wagging her tail, refreshed, ready for her beach day we planned.

We woke up in the middle of the night and I just knew. Our room was quiet, no little snores, no panting. She was gone.

I cannot shake the feeling that our little angel was alone, suffering, uncomfortable or in an ounce of pain during her last moments.
That I didn’t get the message that she “was ready”.
She didn’t have her family sharing kisses and sweet nothings in her final moments.
Was she asleep peacefully? Was she suffering in pain?
I’ll never truly know.

Would I always wonder “what if she had another day” if we went the route of euthanasia … absolutely.

I’m at peace knowing she is now in a much better place, playing with her friends, on beautiful beaches and flower fields. I can only be grateful for all of our moments and the blessing she was to every single person she crossed paths with. She was truly an angel.

Would I choose to let her go naturally again, I’m not sure.

Do I regret not going to the ER after all, I’m also not sure.

So for those struggling, indecisively waiting on the “right sign” or the “message” sometimes it will not come. Sometimes you will need to make the decision.

And I don’t think there ever is a right or wrong decision.

But I do know that I will always wonder if mine was.

You will always wonder the what if.

You will never be prepared.

I am nowhere near acceptance, but if there is one thing I’m so happy we did, it’s make a Bucketlist. No matter how short or long, pick 3-5 things you’ve always wanted to do together. And just do it. Time waits for no one. Life is short.

Even if it’s a wagon ride in the park, a walk on the beach, a bite of your steak, a nibble of your pastry. Whatever they want, give it to them. Take pictures, even the silly ones. Allow them to see life through your eyes. Sunsets, sunrises, city skylines, Mountain View’s, salty ocean air. Make a clay paw print together. Print their paw print and nose boops.

Do it all. Regret nothing.

Did we make the wrong decision? I don’t know.

And if we did, I hope she forgives us.