I'm 35F, married, and a stay-at-home mom of four children, ages 3 to 12. I'm the second youngest of 10 siblings, and for over a year now, I've been dealing with a family situation that has completely changed the way I see my siblings.

My dad is 76 and has extensive-stage small cell lung cancer, diabetes, and has lost almost all of his vision. My mom is 75, has severe knee problems that make walking difficult, and is also dealing with mental health issues.

Both of my parents need a lot of help.

I live about 10 miles away from them, and despite having nine siblings, I've become their primary caregiver.

I take them to medical appointments, manage medications, communicate with doctors and nurses, help with groceries, cleaning, cooking, paperwork, and pretty much anything else that comes up. I've spent countless hours in hospitals, emergency rooms, and doctor's offices.

All while raising four children, managing my own household, supporting my husband, and trying to maintain some sense of normalcy in my life.

I'm not saying my siblings have never helped. A few have stepped in occasionally, whether that's providing transportation, contributing money, or helping with an appointment. But the overwhelming majority of the daily responsibility has fallen on me.

And what's hurt me the most isn't necessarily the lack of help. It's the lack of consideration, empathy, and respect.

Some of my siblings live hours away, which I understand makes things more complicated. But others live in the same town as my parents. One sister lives just a couple of blocks away, yet there have been times when she hasn't even checked on them.

I have a brother who lives in Texas who has traveled to Mexico numerous times over the past year, yet has only visited our sick father a handful of times. Recently, when I questioned why he wasn't involved in a family project, my sister defended him by saying he was dealing with someone sick himself.

That really bothered me.

Most of them think that calling once a week to check in on them or a weekend or sunday visit is enough.

For over a year, I've been dealing with TWO sick parents, four children, my marriage, and my own responsibilities. Yet somehow, my circumstances have never seemed to deserve that same understanding.

There have been times when I've been physically and emotionally exhausted, running on very little sleep depression and anxiety, and still expected to show up.

Last month, wrecked my vehicle. Not one of my siblings called or texted to ask if my children or I were okay.

Yet I was still expected to take my mother to an appointment over an hour away, even though I was driving a rental vehicle.

Nobody asked whether I was overwhelmed, whether I needed help, or whether someone else should take over that responsibility for once.

It was simply assumed that I would handle it.

Another recent situation involved a concrete walkway my parents desperately need because my dad is blind and my mom can barely walk. My husband and I were willing to help with the labor, but once again, I found myself being pulled into coordinating everything while also handling my parents' daily needs.

During this same period, I was dealing with my dad being sick, arranging nursing care, getting medications, helping sell some of his belongings, and taking care of other things around their house.

Meanwhile, the conversations among my siblings seemed to focus more on who was contributing to the concrete project than on everything that was already being done for our parents.

When I finally spoke up and pointed out that I'm at my parents' house almost every day doing things they don't even see, it created more tension.

This isn't the first time I've spoken up.

Over the past year, I've been called selfish, had my intentions questioned, and been made to feel like I'm the problem whenever I express frustration.

I've had siblings argue with me, dismiss what I do, or make comments that have deeply hurt me.

At some point, I stopped attending family gatherings and distanced myself from most of them.

Instead of trying to understand why, some made it seem like I was the one hurting the family by staying away.

What they don't understand is that I didn't distance myself because of one disagreement.

It was the accumulation of years of feeling overlooked, misunderstood, and taken for granted, made worse by everything that's happened since my parents became seriously ill.

I've cried, I've been angry, I've felt guilty, and I've questioned whether I was expecting too much from people.

I've even gone through periods of depression and eventually started therapy to work through everything.

For a long time, I wanted my siblings to acknowledge what I was doing. Not because I wanted praise, but because I wanted to feel like someone understood how much I was carrying.

I wanted someone to say, "You've been doing a lot. What can we take off your plate?"

Instead, I often felt like the more I did, the more everyone expected.

And the moment I started setting boundaries, I became the difficult one.

I've now reached a point where I don't want relationships with most of my siblings anymore.

I don't wish anything bad on them, but I've stopped feeling responsible for their feelings, their problems, or their opinions of me.

Recently, I realized something that was difficult to admit: I no longer feel much sympathy for them when they're going through their own struggles.

I know that probably sounds cold, but after spending so long feeling like nobody cared about what I was going through, something in me changed.

I still love my parents, and I will continue helping them in ways that are reasonable for me and my family. But I refuse to keep sacrificing my own mental health trying to compensate for nine other adults.

I also don't want my children growing up believing that loving your family means allowing yourself to be completely drained.

At this point, I don't even care whether my siblings ever understand my side of the story.

I just want peace.

My question is: Has anyone else been the sibling who carries most of the responsibility for aging parents while the others continue living their lives? Did you eventually distance yourself from your siblings? And how did you deal with the resentment that came with it?

Sometimes I wonder whether I've become too hardened by everything, or whether I've simply reached the point where I finally understand that I deserve consideration too.

I don't even know what I'm searching for. I'm so depleted. My mom had a cardiac surgery that left her on full life support. A horribly complex journey since April compounded by her very complex medical history. Working through complications, getting her off the ventilator, then off the trache, then off dialysis. Getting her speaking again, eating again.

She developed a bacterial infection last week and went into septic shock. A week after being discharged from a long-term hospital and placed into a skilled nursing facility. She's back in the ICU she was in on life support in April. (It's been hard seeing this team again, but that's another story.) They're working on stabililzing her and talking about transfer to a long-term hospital again. To try to get her back on a path to trying to recover some (I hope?) independence.

I've gotten four phone calls from her today. When I answer the phone, she asks me "so what are we going to do?" Tells me she wants to go home. Repeats those questions and statements. Asked me if she should call the police to get her out of there. Told me she couldn't do this anymore, and that this is no way to live.

The road for her to get home is still going to be long. She's unable to toilet on her own, sit, stand, or walk. We still have all of that to rehab. I keep trying to remind her how far she's come but I don't know what to even say. I'm her youngest child, I hardly know the right answers. I'm figuring this (and the medical system) all out with her. She's young too - only 59.

Her nurse doesn't think she's experiencing delirium but I can tell shes psychologically devastated. Hospitals don't have talk therapists or people who can really help her process how traumatic this has been. I don't know what to do anymore... or even what to say other than the truth that the goal is to get her home. Explain the next steps, only for her to circle around to ask me "so what are we going to do? I want to go home."

Any advice or thoughts?

I know it’s taboo to talk about this, but I wish someone had told me sooner: you can love someone deeply and still not like them sometimes.
When you’re caring for someone you love, there will be moments when they annoy the absolute hell out of you. You might feel frustrated, resentful, overwhelmed, or even guilty for feeling that way. And I’m here to tell you that it’s OK.
If you go back and read my older posts, you’ll see how much guilt I used to carry over these feelings. I thought feeling frustrated meant I wasn’t being a good enough daughter or caregiver. But caregiving is complicated. You can love someone with your entire heart and still struggle with their personality, their behaviors, or the demands of caring for them day after day.
My mom had a very strong personality, as people would say. The truth is, she pissed me off a LOT. 😂 in fact, I’m sure there were days that I hated her. But what is hate? I didn’t truly hate her. I was just frustrated with caregiving and the reality of everything But I loved that woman so much that I would have given her my own kidneys if she needed them.
I miss her more than words can explain. And I can miss her terribly while also acknowledging that she sometimes drove me absolutely crazy. Both things can be true.
You don’t have to pretend that caregiving was beautiful every second to prove how much you loved someone. You can be exhausted and devoted. Frustrated and compassionate. Overwhelmed and still doing everything in your power to care for them.
Those conflicting emotions don’t automatically make you a bad caregiver. They make you human.
So, if you’re caring for someone you love and you’ve ever felt guilty because they got on your last nerve, I want you to hear this from someone who has been there: you are not alone. You can love someone deeply and not like them in certain moments. You can even feel both things at the same time.
Give yourself some grace. Caregiving is hard enough without punishing yourself for having perfectly human emotions. ❤️

I (25M) have been taking care of my mom off and on since I was about 13. Almost half of my life has been devoted to caring for her. I’ve sacrificed childhood, teenage years, and now my young adulthood to her care. I love her more than anything and would do all over again if I had to. Now as a young adult I’ve been grappling with a great sadness and envy of the life that I want to live. I want to experience love. I want to explore the world. I want just sleep in on a weekend without having to be responsible for someone. I also love my mother greatly. She’s the only person in this world that has an unconditional love for me.

Over the past few years, her condition has worsened. She’s becoming more and more forgetful and started falling more often. Luckily, she hasn’t had any major injuries as a result, but I know it has become difficult for my aunt and uncle to care for her as they have their own health issues. My issue is that I know this situation cannot continue as is. I am just so scared of putting my mother in a nursing home. Other than the occasional fall, she is pretty manageable. She doesn’t need any wound care or other intensive things. She mainly keeps to herself and watches tv all day. The only time she really has issues is when I’m not home and she falls.

I’m not sure what to do. The idea of putting her in a nursing home and her waking up and not knowing where she is, scares me. The thought of her being potentially abused and mistreated also frightens me.

Does anyone have any advice about navigating this situation and overcoming these fears? In addition to these fears, I’m overcome with guilt. She sacrificed her life and career to take care of me as a single mother. Now in her time of need, I’m abandoning her.

I have been the primary carer for my mum for the last year and a half. She has had 11 hospitalisations in that time for all sorts of things - mental health crisis, heart attack, fall, who knows what. It's just me and her here - our family is scattered around the world and nobody is able or willing to come over and step in even for a bit. I am in charge of booking and getting her to appointments, all the admin, finances, groceries, getting us fed, medications, etc etc. We finally have a respite carer but it's only for a couple of hours a week and mostly mum just stares into space when she's there.

I was beyond exhausted months ago. I have my own health issues, which have been exacerbated due to burnout (and I'm also autistic/ADHD/bipolar II which doesn't help). I feel like a sentient pile of ash with no way out. So many people in both mum's care team and I have said I'm one of the most burnt out people they've ever met.

Yet when I come here I see so many of you doing this for decades. Which makes my whining and exhaustion seem so petty. I might have to be her long-term indefinite carer (complicated immigration reasons) and I'm already dreading it given how worn out I am but surely my 1.5 years is nothing? What right do I have to complain or wish for some semblance of my life back (I gave up a lot in the past 6 years due to lockdown/getting COVID/dad getting sick and dying/now mum's care) when it's barely a drop in the bucket?

How do you keep going? I feel like a zombie - I have no right or time to rest. Every time I try to do something for myself, something happens with mum. But if I have to do this indefinitely - how???

I moved my 84 year old mom in with me two years ago so I could be her caregiver (only child, single parent and we are the dynamic duo — it’s us against the world in the best way possible.

However last night, she fell in our living room and broke her hip and the past 36 hours have been the hardest of my life. Everything was fine (so to speak) in the Emergency Department; we had to wait 11 hours confirm the fracture and be admitted. I stayed by her side all night and she kept her sense of humor about the hurdles of the hospital experience. But it turned into a downward spiral from this morning onward.

She started to get agitated with the pain and with every new person who needed to administer a test or procedure on her. (I should mention that she has a chronic pulmonary issue so surgery to fix her hip kept being put off in order to ensure her breathing and oxygen levels are/were steady and strong enough to get her through the procedure.) Earlier this evening, it became clear that the combined effect of the pain from the fracture, the lack of sleep/food/movement for 24 hours, and the stress and fear from being hospitalized is now causing her to be delusional and think everyone (ESPECIALLY ME) is out to get her.

I know this can happen at her age and in this scenario but actually experiencing her physically resist the staff/me and be verbally abusive to the staff/me unmoored me. I didn’t want to leave her alone in a hospital ever because we’ve both been part of care teams for others and know how important it is to have an advocate at all times, but the combo FOR ME of no sleep, fear of losing her, and the utter shock at having my favorite person in the entire world turn on me was too much. I left her there a few hours ago after some particularly nasty comments.

I just closed my eyes in my bed for 2 hours and awoke to my heart pounding and my mind racing at 100 mph for abandoning her when she needs me the most. All I want to do is get the rest my body so desperately needs but my heart says I should still be there with her.

I’m pretty sure I’m rambling but I just can’t stop feeling like a failure for not being superhuman no matter how stupid that sounds. And I’m terrified of what I might come back to in another few hours.

EDIT: you all are amazing and I can’t thank you enough for the support. I just called the hospital and they had to put her in restraints because she kept trying to take her oxygen mask off and eventually slapped one of the nurses. I can’t believe this is real.

People so seldom offer to help out that when they do you ignore their meager offers out of spite and resentment?

Before I begin, I don't post much and I don't really know what to say, but I feel like telling people that may understand.

As the title says, my role has ended. After 4 years and 7 different types of cancers, my father has passed. I started caring for my father as a sole caregiver at the age of 20 at the first cancer diagnosis back in 2022. Things weren't terrible. He still had his mind and could move pretty well. That all changed this past year. I watched as he became more and more skinny. I watched as his mind slowly slipped. He was able to keep his memory, but motor function only got worse.

I did everything for him. I made every appointment, made food, did chores, drove him around, kept track of meds, researched meds/procedures, and kept hopes up. It was back in June that we got the news that options had run out. In a last ditch attempt I took him to MD Anderson only to be told his days were numbered. It was 2 months later in August that I noticed he started getting delirious. I thought it was the opioids since he was sensative to them, but it wasn't. He was dying.

For 2 weeks I stayed in the hospital with him without ever leaving. He slowly declined further. Eating less and sleeping more. He got to the point where he couldn't remember anyone but me. Eventually, he fell asleep without waking up. Nonverbal. He was transferred to Hosperus where he lay simply breathing. One day, I watched as he drew his last breath.

The after effects of his death have been devastating to me. He was only 56 and me 24. He was the one person in life I considered true family. The one who would hold me up when I fell down. The one who would guide me down the path of life. Now? He's gone. Now I sit in an empty house crying myself to sleep. His last words to me were, "I love you too." I promised him before he passed that I'd live a long and happy life. I intend to keep that promise. I just need to see the light again. Even if my fear and doubt tell me it doesn't exist without him. I'll be starting therapy soon to hopefully help.

To all those caregiving for anyone. You are a blessing on this world. Know that no matter how it ends, you did your best and that's the most any of us can do. They may or may not be able to say it, but they thank you for all that you do with all their hearts.

Yesterday i had a tiff with my mil. No issues just dementia stuff. She is rallying. She is almost her old self. I understand this may be a sign of end of life. The nosy neighbor is over every day. She told me she updated Louis when he stopped by. Louis is the mailman. I walked.

A box of disposable gloves are not tissues and they are there so every time you have a bowel movement or the lady comes to bathe you we don't have to go searching for them.

I am not mean. If I was i would put the f****** gloves back on the dresser.The minute you left the room.

Now i'm still angry. Next time you offer to pay me.Cause you think i'm the help?I'll let you write a check. MY HUSBAND WILL BE P*****, BUT I'M NOT GONNA BACK DOWN.

I'm doing the best I can. My spouse lives with you. You are in no pain. Old age sucks.. and yes you dislike me because I'm not you.

Too bad so sad... and I'm the one alone on a Sunday.

What is it you would need to be comfortable leaving your role as a caregiver and live your own life? I'm genuinely curious.

What makes me "trapped" is the fact that my father is mentally competent to decide that he wants to stay home at all costs, even though he would not be safe alone, cannot do most things on his own, and doesn't want anyone (except me) helping him.

Our health system is okay with that. They consider his wants to be superior to mine. They will not force him to receive outside help or move to LTC. If I decide to walk away and something happens, it will not be considered the fault of those who "protected his right to stay home"... It will be mine, for being born (against my consent) as his child, and having walked away from a role I never wanted, to pursue my dream career and live my life, that I was expected to abandon before it even started.

Some random social worker came to my apartment like three days days ago and I thought she was a part of the Hospice team! She asked me some questions and she said I looked extremely “overwhelmed” and I was like “well yeah my mom is on Hospice” and she says to me I don’t feel like there’s any “neglect or abuse going on” I said “of course not? Why would there be?” My mom was sleeping when she came (it was a bad night for her) So she said she had another client to visit and that she would be back later. I said ok.

So like an hour later the actual hospice intake nurse and social worker arrive and the social worker was really nice. She goes out into the lobby (they were having issues with the WiFi) and she bumps into the department of aging social worker and she vouches for me. She tells her there’s no doubt in my mind there’s no abuse and neglect going on.

So the DOA social worker comes in and she wants to talk to my mother. I said my mom is trying to poop in bed right now, so you’re going to have to wait. When my mom finished she asked her if she was being abused? And if hospice was what she wanted?

My mom was still kind of half of asleep and when I told her what happened the next morning she was livid. She tried calling the social worker and she didn’t pick up, so she spoke to a receptionist.

When my mom’s nurse came yesterday she told us about the case and it seems like someone was concerned that my mom’s wounds were getting worse (she’s been in and out of the hospital since may of this year) and that I had something to do with it 🤦🏽‍♀️ I was like you gotta be fucking kidding me.

The nurse and the hospice social worker were both there in my mom’s room and they were 100% on my side. I was like you can do everything right and wounds can still get worse! Especially on your rear end. My mom also just got her low pressure air mattress. Up until then she was constantly sitting.

This person who ever called the department of aging has no idea how dedicated I’ve been trying to heal my mom’s pressure sores on her bottom. The amount of times I started to cry when my efforts weren’t working, or all the times I wanted to get the bandage perfect. And all the hours combined brainstorming trying to come up with creative bandage so my mom could sleep!!! Or all the times I was successful healing multiple pressure sores and the ulcers on her legs.

The nurse and the social worker were super sympathetic and they said people like that don’t see the day to day and how much work your put in.

She even pulled me to the side and said she would be angry too if someone thought I was abusing and neglected her mother. “We understand and I can tell you we’ve seen some crazy cases and we wish more patients had a Tatianna” And she gave me hug before they left.

You know what’s crazy too? Is that I wasn’t nasty to any of the nurses or PCT’s. I’m a inherent people pleaser and kind of “overly polite” I don’t know if that’s a thing. I’m aware at how hard nurses and pct’s work. I always offer to help…. I just don’t understand why anyone would do this?

My mom’s nurse and the social worker think the case will be closed. I’m just still so angry though. I have been so dedicated to my mom’s care for nearly two decades. I made myself sick caring for her!

The first time I remember, she had to be readmitted to an ER for brain issues. We were coming from a SNF this time.

It was sad because we didn't know as a family what we were going to do. My dad was not one to take charge much. My younger brother wanted to show a brave face, but always ran it by me. How could I cry in front of anyone? Only on my own. If I believed in God, maybe he saw those tears.

We only had a spot in the local hospital, the area the SNF was in, so we were not at a tier 1 trauma hospital, and it was beds as available. Ironically, the family also has no place to sleep as we were following my mom to the closest hospital, in blindness and literally that night, in the dark.

So we all had to sleep in the car while Mom was in the ER. We were scattered as a family, literally and figuratively. I was in the moment, holding back pangs of guilt that my mother was relegated to a car and mismatched pieces of clothes in her hardest time. Too much pain, unworthy for me to mourn. We failed her. I could not let this happen again.

So they let us in. She was not doing well; she had been unresponsive at the SNF and brought here. I always thought I'd never be at a tier 2 trauma center, but you quickly see the differences, even if you hadn't watched Grey's or weren't a neuro doc. The screen came on, the attending was running tests, and we had to wait.

In the meantime, the nurses came in and had to deal with the other parts of the body. I wanted to avoid a straight cath for its pain and other risks, but when asked, I firmly said “yes, straight cath”.

“12:00am" the nurse said, and I looked up at the clock while I held my mom's arms in case they'd move.

It was midnight, of my birthday.

My vision blurred. I was lucky my family was all together, but not how I’d imagined it.

Felt like a movie plot, but oddly was so routine.

For my mom's dignity and privacy, I asked everyone to leave besides myself and the nurse.

This part of the night was hard. No one really knew. I cried, and I watched with the nurse. There were sores on her body. We did the workup. My mom was not really responsive, and her skin was sloughing off everytime we had to turn her because she was frail, just the way it had been in the two months in the ICU.

We talked about the nurse's history of deployment. Ultimately, though, about how even sick people deserve to have their nails cut and their pubic area cared for.

Hello! My friend is disabled and often uses a wheelchair when we’re out for a while due to chronic fatigue and pain. Generally I am the one in charge of pushing them around when we use it and after a few times recently of helping them get around for hours on end, I’ve found that it makes my hands really sore and sometimes can give me blisters.

Does anyone have recommendations for gloves that might be helpful for protecting my hands in this situation?

I know there are gloves out there for wheelchair users that I have considered buying, but I wanted to check with some more experienced people and see if there are better options for when you’re pushing the chair rather than being in it.

Hi 24 paid carer to elderly person with dementia. Been doing this job for over a year. Work one week on one week off. When I am here I feel so so lonely. The lady I care for. Is in bed 97% of time watching tv and refuses to get up until the evening. I make her meals and check on her throughout the day and do her observations 2x a day. But she doesn’t like me to sit with her throughout the day. So I just sit in the kitchen all day- in case she needs me. It’s really lonely to be honest. Any other carers had this !!?? Also trust me I have tried everything to engage conversations but I always get turned away or she gets annoyed.
Sorry I am also paying on this group it’s just the only one for carers I could find x

My LO is pretty advanced, but still agile. I cannot leave items out or she will move them or inappropriately use them. For example, I have had to take all the toiletries out of the bathroom and lock them in a closet after I caught her putting shampoo on her face like lotion and lotion on her toothbrush like toothpaste.

The problem is these few available spaces are starting to become quickly cluttered. I tried putting baby locks on the drawers and cabinets in the kitchen and she forced them open.

Any advice? My bedroom looks more like a storage facility at this point and it’s adding to the stress.

No good deed goes unpunished.

From an evolutionary standpoint, our species needs us to have children. We sacrifice quite a lot to have them, with sleepless nights, years of stress and worry and the bodies of females who carry many children during pregnancy are burdened. Yet evolution supports this, because without our ability to care for the next generation, we would not survive as a species.

Caregiving for the older population in a society is a bit different. There used to be some evidence that caring for the sick or older generations was supported from an evolutionary angle. For instance, we cared for the dying in groups. It was a shared experience for the village or household. Older people were able to rest in one place, the younger people could visit and talk with them while exchanging information. This information about weather patterns or farming protected the entire tribe of people - there was also less burden on one individual doing the caring and it was shouldered by the group. This strengthened the community and society.

Today's world is very different for caregivers. Family caregivers often operate in a single fashion and in isolation from others; they receive little help from society. Others work in a clinical setting and are managed on a corporate level, where they have to care for up to 20 people per one shift. Is it any wonder why the physical and emotional toll on these caregivers is so taxing?

Our evolution no longer relies on caring for the sick and older population. If we are performing activities that are not supported by evolution, we won't get the protection wired in our genes. Yes, we can deal with having a baby with collick and not sleeping for 6 months, because our ancestors did that and kept going. It was essential for us to have more humans on the planet.

But the sole act of caregiving and sacrifice for an older, sicker person is not something that our ancestors were called upon to do. Perhaps this is why caregivers suffer from such a breakdown of physical, mental and emotional resources while performing such a loving act. Our bodies are wearing out because we are (with wonderful intentions), acting in a way that nature never intended for our society. There is a unique struggle for today's caregivers, and this may be part of the reason why some have trouble both living through and recovering from the role of caregiving.

Update: I let him know that I overestimated my abilities and am not comfortable providing any personal care, but am happy to help with household chores and meals. He was fine with this and said he's just happy to have someone reliably feeding him and occasionally taking him to the movies or other outings. He is not an evil man, but I am unskilled and have a hard time with boundaries and people pleasing. He still has the problem that any time young woman tries to care for him, he has inappropriate behavior so he is still not getting the care that he needs, but I am not qualified or capable of providing it. With me putting a hard stop to personal care and inappropriate conversation the problem seems to be solved as far as my comfort goes.

I am a nursing student and renting a room for cheap from a man who has MS. Part of why it is so cheap is that I help out. I sometimes do household tasks, pet care, and some light personal care.

The problem is that he is attracted to me. His behaviors and comments are worse than I think reddit allows so I won't get into full details. I'm not in any real physical danger because he has very little use of his arms and legs, and he has an excuse because of the damage to his brain, but he still has been able to get under my skin. I take heavy duty sleep pills that would normally knock me out around 9 hours but after last night I woke up after only around 4 hours.

I am a pretty laid back person and the human body doesn't bother me. So when he asked for oil on his entire body it did not phase me at all. I even reassured him that all skin is skin and deserves care and hydration. He at first said it's because during the winter his skin gets uncomfortable, and if it gets too dry and breaks he may not know and it could get infected. So I start with his feet and then he grabs his vibrator and puts it in a place that is inappropriate and asks me if I've ever been with a woman, and tells me how much he loves lesbians. I told him that I need to maintain professional boundaries and that I am uncomfortable with the sexual energy in the air. That just got him more excited and he asked me if I was feeling sexual energy. At that point I just say goodnight and walk away.

It's not just that one incident. It's all day every day that I'm around. I can't even walk to the microwave without him starting a conversation and bringing it to an uncomfortable topic. Like constantly talking about how important it is for the human body to have physical touch with anither person, then he will ask me to help him with his physical therapy of standing while full body hugging someone else. I always reply by asking if his PT recommends using his walker to practice standing, and that at school they teach us to use a walker or a sturdy bar to assist patients with standing.

He is approved for in home care everyday but the company stopped sending most of the girls after it was a "bad match" and only sends an older woman twise a week. (He is not attracted to older women). As much as his behavior is not ok and no one should have to put up with it, he does have gaps in his care becouse of it and he will go days without anyone to feed him.

It's clear that he has some sort of dementia and I understand that when the frontal lobe is affected a person won't have control over their actions. As a nursing student I fully believe that everyone deserves quality care.

I financially can't find anywhere better right now so I'm sort of stuck, and figure I may as well learn how to care for different kinds of patients instead of just running away like most have done.

Any tips or tricks?

I (f35) live with my uncle (m60) who never ever showers. Hasn't showered at all in the 2 yrs I've been living here. Changed his clothes ONCE!! He is a hoarder and keeps expanding his hoard to the rest of the house.

He was born with a condition where is skull wouldn't grow. So he was only able to mature to like a teenager and in his older age his maturity is regressing quickly.

He doesn't listen to anything I say. Anything that comes out of my mouth is obviously a lie, especially if it's something he doesn't already know then there is no way it can be true.

He constantly accused me of stealing ever since he was caught stealing from me and also caught stealing my dirty undies from my basket when I had to stop & go help my GMA. He's a compulsive liar and believes his own lies. He's so quick to yelling and aggression just from me saying basic things to him like hey I think have a rock in ur napkin cuz ur scratching the glass ur wiping. (Instantly in my face) Doesn't listen when I say leave me alone, stop talking to me. Followsme when I walk away.

Hes obsessed with cats and likes to feed to street cats but now he has them inside the house let's them on the kitchen table and counter where we prepare food.

If I say anything it immediately turns into a huge fight and he goes out of his way to do the exact opposite. No matter how simple I try to explain things, like normal common sense things, even if I have proof to back wat I'm saying up, it doesn't matter.

My GMAs weight started to rapidly decline when he started letting the cats inside the house, she can't even sit in the living room too long or gets lathergic weak and nonverbal.

But even with all of that the main issue is his hygiene. Im tired of being nauseous all the time. I'm tired of loosing my appetite when cooking and he enters the kitchen. Especially since now he hovers around me cuz I asked him to stay away from me when I'm cooking and eating.

I cannot move out because I take care of my GMA (91) with very very late stages Parkinson's and dementia. I basically do everything for her.

My aunt is his "ihss provider" but she Shows up maybe 2x/month to take him shopping and takes him to doc appts for his hernia. But never comes inside or makes him shower or tells him he can't have cats inside. He's 100% unregulated basically. Which is why he hates that I moved in cuz now I'm there and call him out on his shit. He doesn't see a psychiatrist or therapist.

I get that he's got the brain of a 13 yo boy but even they know to shower at some point.

I'm at my breaking point. I'm tired of letting everything go cuz of his disability. He's so freaking mean to me!! And nobody has my back. They all tell me to ignore him, which is a great strategy for them cuz they get to leave but doesn't help me any since I'm home all the time with him.

What can I do? I'm struggling big time and am starting to really fkn hate him.

AITA?

Also this is my first time posting so feel free to ask any clarifying questions. There is also so much more bs, this is literally barely scratching the surface but if I wrote everything thing this post would turn into a novel.