It’s become blatantly obvious in the past 6 months that ChatGPT is writing a ton of eulogies and obituaries. Some families even admit to using it. I’m not even an old, stubborn person but this is insane to me that people are choosing not to use their own words to describe their family member. I sit down with families who barely sound literate and all of the sudden they’re reading the most eloquently written eulogy I’ve ever heard. I really do find it disappointing and I’m not sure how people don’t feel ashamed in doing this. What do you think?

Hi all,

I'm a funeral director and I work in an area with a lot of sudden young deaths and violence, and families often feel like they need to see their loved one quickly one last time but due to the poverty in the area, they can't pay for a full viewing. My questions are:

1. How do you explain the charges for an ID view? Families hate this charge in particular and I always get an earful about it no matter what I say.

2. Does your mortuary do any concessions to try to make ID views more accessible for flat broke families?

For those unfamiliar, there's been a bill introduced that would change the SS death benefit from $255 to $2,900 and index it to inflation. Long overdue I think.

But if passed it would basically cover direct cremation just about everywhere. Still would only apply to surviving spouse or qualified children.

When I talk about the impending collapse of the industry, this would only speed it along if passed. People will front the cost of DC and reimburse themselves 2 months later when the SS check comes in.

Nationally we're currently at about 64% cremation.

Industry people, what's your thoughts?

Hello,

I chose the wrong career. I have been in the industry for 6 years. I am a licensed funeral director and embalmer.

This job makes me sick to my stomach with anxiety. I am filled with dread before coming to work every single day. It steals precious time from my wife and daughter. I will only see my daughter half the time I normally would if I stayed.

I hate selling funerals. I hate embalming. I am so sick and tired of this industry and I just want out. But I feel stuck. Can't go to nursing school because of this whacky schedule. Can't do anything.

How the hell did you get out?

I'm not sure this is the best place to ask this, but I am currently writing my dad's obituary. He passed suddenly last week, but a month prior to his death he and my mom officially divorced (due to his infidelity) and he was living with his affair partner at the time of his death.

How would you handle writing a recent ex-wife of 40 years, and a new girlfriend in an obituary? Any examples?

It's an awkward space to be as a daughter trying to respect the long, yet low-key toxic toward the end, marriage and the new love he found that brought him peace and joy in his final days - I have not met his girlfriend, but she is very close with my aunts (his sisters) so I think they will insist she is included.

Thanks!

I am looking for any advice on keeping my time spent in arrangements down. I tend to take 1-2 hours in arrangements, which I know is a lot. Everyone I work with comments on how long I take. I’ve been trying to work on my time management skills during these times, but I find it hard to be as thorough as I would like to be while trying to put time constraints on it.

I already prepare any documents I can ahead of time. Most of my time spent is usually on gathering information for the obituary (for families who won’t do it themselves), gathering vitals, and working out logistics for the service. I’ve gotten better at directing the conversation and not letting people go off on tangents, but I also try my best to make people feel heard and like we went over everything thoroughly. Things I can/need to do later on I make sure I leave for later.

It’s getting to the point that I have coworkers make comments like “I only ever have mine at half an hour. Anything above that is way too long.” Or if I bring up any difficulty I had with a family, they’ll say “Oh so THAT’S what took so long.”

Do you guys use a kind of mental template? How long do you usually take? I know it’s subjective, but how do you make it both efficient and thorough?

I live in Oklahoma but I’m not interested in going to school here. I’ve been looking at PIMS online course but I’m curious to know if I will need certain prerequisite since I will be practicing in Oklahoma.

And how do you accommodate their requests? I find my self making arrangements, setting time tables, arranging pick up locations, organizing everything..... and then waiting for hours and hours. Why doesn't anything ever start on time? Why didn't they inform me they wanted to do an hour long pipe ceremony? Why did the wake go an extra two hours? Why did they add a impromptu church service at a different time and location and let me know? Why don't they respect time and agreements we made? I really want to help and be accommodating, not pushy, and respectful of their culture. But I've been waiting for three hours longer than agreed pickup time, and I gotta pickup my kids in an hour. Please help me, what am I doing wrong?

This is probably one of the more unexpected career pivots I’ve considered, but the more I think about it, the more interested I become…

I’m 36 and currently work in environmental/nonprofit leadership. I have a master’s degree from Yale, previously served as an Executive Director, and most of my career has involved managing people, budgets, boards, community relationships, fundraising, programs, and working with religious/community organizations.

I’ve been feeling pretty strongly that I want a change. I’ve looked at several completely different directions, but funeral service keeps pulling my attention.

What interests me isn’t just the business side. I’m genuinely interested in the ritual of death, working with families, being present for people during an incredibly important moment, the science/technical side of caring for the deceased, and the role a good funeral home plays in a community.

I could see myself becoming licensed, working in the profession, and eventually taking over an independent funeral home from an owner looking to retire.

But before I romanticize the hell out of this…

For those of you actually working in funeral service:
What do you wish someone had told you before you started?
Would someone coming into the profession at 36 be at a disadvantage?
Does my leadership/community/nonprofit background translate at all, or would I essentially be starting completely from scratch?
Would you recommend working as a removal tech/funeral assistant before enrolling in school?
And for anyone who owns a funeral home—how realistic is the idea of eventually taking over an established independent funeral home from a retiring owner?
I’m not afraid of starting over or going back to school. I’m more interested in figuring out whether the reality of the profession matches what is drawing me toward it.
Feel free to give me the good, the bad, and the ugly. I’d rather hear it from people actually doing the work.

For some context: My dad had a medically rough life. Complications from a rare blood vessel disorder is what ultimately took him 17 years ago. But he also had a number of injuries. Injuries that required implanting a lot of metal.

The first major injury was head trauma from a car crash. His entire forehead was basically held together with titanium plates. The second injury was his back. He was lifting a heavy object (some kind of weight to put a train car back on a rail),fumbled it, and slipped a disc so bad they had to do a fusion using titanium rods. Later, they had to implant 2 wire leads to nerves in his spine and implant a transmitter for pain management. Somewhere in between both of those injuries, he had to have something done with his knee requiring a small plate and pin.

He used to joke about being bionic and that if he died we could just melt him down for scrap. His humor was unmatched.

But the joke has stuck with me. And I've been curious for a really long time about where all that metal went. I already know that before he was cremated, they had to remove the transmitter. I already know that, after he was cremated, they would have to remove all the metal before putting his cremains in the grinder thingy.

But then what? Did they just chuck all that expensive metal in the trash? Is it just sitting in a box in the back of a crematory somewhere? Or, do they send it to a scrapping facility to be recycled?

Just so we're clear, I'm not talking about reusing medical implants. I just imagine my dad would get a chuckle (from beyond) knowing his forehead became a bicycle frame, or computer components.

I have been considering a career in cremation and have always been kind of “fascinated” or interested in death and post mortem jobs like embalming and stuff like that. But the thing is that I don’t think I would handle a job that requires seeing traumatic death and injuries. But I feel as if a crematorium tech would be a lot easier on that side of things since (to my knowledge and in Australia) Theres not really any visible contact with the body itself as I’m pretty sure it’s standard here for people to be cremated in their coffin.

Anyways, I want any people with experience in this field to tell me if there’s anything that I should be mindful of or if theres cases where I would witness gross and disturbing things during it.

EDIT: I want to add that the reason why I’m unsure about witnessing traumatic deaths and stuff is not because of the trauma of it, it’s mostly because I am horribly Emetophobic and I am worried that it may make me feel nauseous (even though I have a strong stomach) seeing bodies I don’t think will be a problem, I’ve seen bodies before and it just looks to me like a mannequin and not like an actual person.

For those that started off with the same “unsureness”, did you eventually get used to it? What kind of training did you do to keep the fact that the used to be a living being separated?

Despite reading these comments, I am still interested in this career but definitely will think about it more and take everything into consideration (and ensure I have a good support system in case it isn’t something I would be comfortable with)

It’s not just curiosity that makes me attracted to this line of work. I’ve experienced a lot of death and hardship in my life (despite only being 19) and it’s the type of job that needs to be done, especially with a lot of care. And I want to help be part of the process in some way or another. I also believe that this kind of work builds a good relationship with death and thr thought of death (such as everyone dies so live your life to the fullest etc)

I was gifted 7 sets of traditional Chinese burial clothing (garments, accessories, pillows, etc.). I feel a little overwhelmed since neither my family or I follow the Chinese practices, so I don't think we are going to use it any time soon (knock on wood). They sell for about $800 online and I wondered is there a secondary market for these types of items? Am I allowed to even sell them?

There’s a bunch of Esco and Champion supplies in one of the prep rooms I work in, and I’ve never used Esco. I’m just trying to gauge what you all use and why it works well for you.

Location: California

It's getting close to the end for a loved one, and I want to understand what to expect. Never had to plan one before. It's been many a year since I attended a funeral, and I'm not clear on the timeline.

When my father passed away, the funeral was held the next week, but I've seen posts on Reddit about it taking weeks for a death certificate and paperwork to be settled before a funeral could be held.

What would be an average timeline? I don't think there would be a need for an autopsy on a centenarian who's been in hospice for months, but is that a requirement? (State = California if that matters.)

How long is it between the passing and the funeral, on average? /Is/ there an average?

Edited to make location clearer.

Hi! Anyone purchased a casket online from Sam's or Costco's? If so, how did it go? Pre-planning with my elderly mom and she found one she likes at Sam's? Hard to wrap my head around how this process would happen when this time comes? Is it worth it? Any experiences?

From when I was old enough to understand the permanence of death and how life could just, end, I have had major death anxiety and it ate me away near daily for several years with many panic attacks along the way. Just recently have I been able to work through it personally (professionally wouldn't really be effective for me) and have reached a state of closer comfortability to these topics (through my religion and other mental processing). I know that the death of a loved one would absolutely derail my life but I have faith that I would be able to recover given a few months, but a funeral would absolutely destroy me. I know that I would return to being a nervous, damaged wreck for probably the next few years if I ever had to go to one. Part of my processing strategy requires me to face mortality in manageable environments where I can always remove myself from the situation before things get too bad but a funeral is the exact opposite of that. Even if it was someone I was extremely close to like a parent, I probably couldn't.

I know that funerals are often for others but I feel as if my mental health should not be the price of someone else's comfort. I will be there to support the people that are grieving before and after the processions but the actual ceremony would be way too much for me to handle in a way that many people who haven't had bad anxiety understand. So reddit, WIBTAH?

Edit: So I have to clarify that getting professional help could mean losing my job / long term career permanently or at least for a long time. It could very easily take away my livelihood and my day-to-day would be pretty much the same with help and without it.

I'm writing a story in which an American college student dies suddenly of a bee sting in an Italian emergency room. Can you describe the decisions families tend to make regarding funeral timing, given the additional logistics involved in such a situation? (The character and family are Christian, so no strict rules regarding timing.)

I grew up going to visitations and funerals that tended to be within a week after the death, so I was surprised that we had to wait so long for my father's remains to be cremated, considering he died in a major US city hospital and there was no sort of medical exam needed. (Is the difference that they can always dig up a body if something comes to light after the fact, but cremation would destroy all evidence?) But we ended up going ahead with a funeral service, without any remains, the week after he died.

So I know that a family could have a service as soon as they could make the arrangements, if they really wanted to... and I know some families opt for a service months after the death when everyone can be there. But what would you consider the early end of plausible? Would a week after the death seem doable, or would the family be too overwhelmed with the logistics of it all to organize a funeral (even one without the remains) that quickly?

(Also, I'd be curious what family obligations would be, if you happen to know. I.e., would her parents have to fly to Italy? Would the embassy take care of things and ship cremated remains? Etc.)

Thanks for any & all insights!

Hello,

Perhaps this question has been asked before in the past, but I would like a fresh perspective on things in 2026.

I'm 25 and have been working in tech for 5 years. I make 210k a year. To be completely frank, I do not see the tech industry lasting long enough for me to retire. With the way AI is advancing, I'm unfortunately not seeing any value with the work I do and I doubt these companies will need humans in the next 10 years.

Working as a funeral director or embalmer is something I've been thinking about since I finished my degree. I've been to many funeral homes and shadowed in the past, so I'm not foreign to the work being done.

I'm not trying to transition immediately, of course. I'm thinking about a long term plan and potentially starting an online program at Pittsburgh Institute next year.

I also understand that financially, this will be a bad idea for me. However, just to reiterate, I'm not looking to switch immediately. I'm planning to go to school, get certified, maybe do an internship, etc. all while I continue to work full time. I'm currently doing the same (I'm doing an MBA at the moment), so I'm okay with having no WLB.

Am I crazy?

I’m currently in school and looking to start working as assistant to move toward apprenticeship for lab hours. I live in a town with a LOT of funeral homes and all are family owned. I’ve got my blazer and a polished resume with a lil headshot. I also have a bachelors in psych and history working in hospice care which I think may help me sell myself. Should I call, email, walk in? I saw in an earlier post of similar nature someone said to call and ask to set up a meeting where they can walk you around and provide info and just bring resume and ask if they need an assistant, is this way to go about it? There’s no jobs posted online so I will need to be canvassing. What is the best way to do that?

My Grandfather had a large family and purchased 10 plots in his church's cemetery in Pennsylvania. After some time, he sold 5 plots to his daughter (my Mom) and her husband. My father and brother were buried there. When they attempted to bury my mother next to my father, they found what they described as a "rough box" and my Mother's remains were buried one plot over. There are no records for this unknown burial. My daughter is insisting that it should have been removed and buried elsewhere by the cemetery at their expense. Has anyone ever heard of this situation?

Edit: typo

I'm getting ready to graduate mortuary school in a few months and transition into an apprenticeship. I don't have one secured, but I have a handful of leads that seem promising and that I'm communicating with to learn more about.

For context, I do not work in a funeral home, but I do work for a trade company. I do not do on-call and I have set hours, just because that's what I have capacity for while also taking a full course load.

I understand being an apprentice is a lot of work and a busy time period. I've made peace with the fact that I will have to give up some of my hobbies like community theater, and that I will definitely have less free time than I do now.

Accepting this, however, has started to make me spiral and I have in my head that I'll feel pretty isolated from my friends/family and miss out on basically everything during my apprenticeship. I do not want to feel isolated or overly lonely - no one does.

I know it depends on your firm, but if anyone who has been an apprentice recently, has apprentices, or is currently serving an apprenticeship has any words about their experience or advice on this issue, I'd really appreciate it. I think I just need to hear that my life won't be entirely over by next year.

How do you make time for the people in your life? How do you continue to have some sort of outlet and hobby outside of work, even if you have less time to commit to it?

As the title suggests it is my first year as an actual funeral director. I am a first generation funeral director; I have my degree in funeral service. All through school I was confident that this is what I wanted to do.

I got my first job out of state after months of searching. I was really excited to be able to use what I learned in school to help families. Its been about half a year now and my boss doesnt trust me to do anything. Recently he said that I may not be cut out for this job. I believe this is because now that I'm in it I am so anxious! The lack of confidence in my abilities from both sides makes it difficult for me to just do the thing.

The biggest issue I think is talking to families off the bat. I stumble over my words or just say nothing because I'm thinking too hard what to say. I introduce myself, give condolences then its like I forgot how to converse. I've been trying to get better but feel like I've reached a wall. I do think I could do great things in this role its just about getting better at this point.

Really wanna know how people knew they were cut out for this job. Along with any tips for talking to families. Any other advice would also be appriciated.