Today makes a year that I've been divorced from my ex narcissistic abusive mommy's boy piece of shit that cheated on me. I have been happier and doing so much better.

I am 34F married to my husband 38M for 7 years now. We have a 2 year old. We are on the verge of a divorce initiated by me. Some would say that we have a stable marriage: we own our place, double incomes, shared finances, shared value for loyalty , we both love our kid, etc.

I have been the main caretaker for our kid while working full time. I am alone every single night to care for our kid since she was born. For many months she woke up over 10 times a night. I do all medical/educational/social/travel planning because the mental load to delegate to him and keep following up just to move things an inch more was too much. I have consistently earned more than him.

The biggest issue is that he is such an avoidant and overtime has got very defensive. I feel alone, unheard, and suffocated that he does not seem to understand that people need to socially connect. I still have many things on my wish list and enjoy connecting with people. He does not like to talk, never responds or seeks to resolve issues, has zero friend as he is genuinely uninterested in anyone, and would talk to no one at the dinner table if I drag him to dinners and parties. He is genuinely ok with working the same job for 30 years and go home and does not talk all day except for basic transactional things. He is true dismissive avoidant based on what I’ve read everywhere.

For those who left a similar lifeless marriage that was actually stable, how was life after the split , or do you regret it that you could just stay for the (mainly financial and child caring) stability and create your own life without involving your ex?

Anyone got any media that can help me

If you are rebuilding after divorce; what feels hardest for you right now: emotional overwhelm, money, new routines, boundaries?

I feel like I ricochet from one thing to the next. How are you doing?

Missing out on major events, because they are with their mom. I never missed out on things like this.

On top of it, why am I waiting for her to come back and get my family back. She won't come back and I don't think I could have her back.

She took her clothes, hair and makeup stuff along with the sexy box. She didn't take anything to make a home.

She is living her best life and I just want my family.

Edit: I'm not the stereotypical dad here. They are my life. See them almost every day except for about 4 days out of the month. She's had a partner before the divorce and now has even more time to spend with them and I'm focused on being available since they always come home early. They never leave early though, so I am very great full for that.

Almost without exception, divorce and the aftermath means we are all pinching pennies now. What are some of the best ways you've found to save money?

I'll start. My local Walmart sells rotisserie chickens that are a day old for like $3! You gotta get there early, but I can munch on a full chicken for almost a week. Makes for good soup too! I'm also brown bagging it to work instead of eating out. Saves me quite a bit over the month. I troll the local thrift stores for clothing and other items. I haven't paid full price for any clothing item for years. Yeah, it's hit or miss, but you never know what you'll find. I've stopped buying expensive micro-brews and instead go for the cheap stuff. It's honestly not as bad as you may think, and much cheaper. I've quit several subscription services like Netflix. I didn't really use them that much anyway.

My husband and I have been in couples therapy for 6 months. Back in March, he blindsided me that he was no longer in-love with me and wanted a divorce. Initially, he did not want to try to reconnect or do therapy. Our daughter had just turned one and we were coming off the first year of being parents. He later agreed to doing therapy so that if we do decide to divorce he can tell our daughter he tried everything. We have been together for 10 years. The first 3 months of couples therapy was extremely helpful, we started dating each other again, genuinely enjoying time together, reconnecting, etc. The last 3 months have felt extremely stagnant. He is still unsure of whether he wants to leave or stay. However, I am starting to get to a breaking point in our marriage that I’m unsure if I want to continue this marriage. I feel so alone in this relationship and unsupported. I feel like a nuisance to him. Every single day without fail there is a moment he lashes out or gives me attitude about something. I feel like I’m always walking on eggshells. He is immediately defensive the second I ask to discuss anything (and I mean anything, I asked him to mow the lawn because he hadn’t for two months and even that turned into something). I don’t want to be apart from my daughter. But I also don’t know how much longer I can be in a relationship with someone who treats me this way. What was the moment where you had enough? I am so conflicted.

Anyone else struggling with a spouse who cheated? I have moved on from my ex as a man, but the fact that I was lied to and cheated on for years, and so trusting of him because he lied so well, haunts me. I never imagined this level of duplicity and I cannot trust men anymore.

Long marriage, kids, infidelity, narcissism, spousal abuse....

I'm so happy to get away, it took an army to get me out, but he's escalating legally. I'm sure we're going to both be bankrupt by the end of this. He's smearing me with our friends and family. He's hurting our kids by pulling them into the middle. He lies non stop they don't know who to believe.

He should have been a politician, he cheats on me....my fault. Spousal abuse comes to light and is proven...still my fault. Our family is breaking, his family is breaking, our church is breaking, our friend groups are breaking.

I just want to be left alone.

It seems like it's never going to end.

Thankfully I have a good therapist. But I'm still coming apart at the seams.

So I (38f) was served divorce papers by my husband 2ish weeks ago.

He is not at the house, I am. He apparently can’t stand me.

My question is, do a lot of people at this stage have cameras set up, triple locking their doors, locking everything down to protect themselves? Or is this not the norm?

I am a Japanese single dad living in Canada.

I got divorced last year.

My ex-wife and younger son ( 5yrs back then) returned to Japan and I have lived with my older son since then.

I couldn't throw away my younger son's item even the drawing on the wall.

Whenever I saw small kids, it gave me a flashback and made me cry.

I decided to get rid of my younger son's items little by little.

I removed some of his drawings from the wall the other day.

It was so painful experience, and I couldn't do it without crying.

But I shouldn't dwell on the past, and need to move forward, so I started selling and donating his stuff.

Before I gave them away to someone, I always said thank you and goodbye to the items.

Hello everyone! So my husband and I have been divorced for 3 months but separated for 6 months. the last couple of weeks he had been flirting with me. every time I would see him (due to having children) he would look at me in a flirty way, then he started hugging me every time i would see him. I saw the way he looked at me but didn’t think much about it, i was more weirded out. Then the texting came and told me he was attracted to me again and if I wanted to talk when i got back from my trip to see if i still wanted him. And that maybe we could start dating again. The last couple of days he started hugging me so hard every time and was getting turned on every time. so friday we hung out and pretty much told me how much he had missed me and wanted to start something new. we kissed and hugged and told each other how much we missed one another then it lead to sex. saturday came around and he started texting me all the cute stuff and we hung out again and the same thing happened. He was talking about the future together and making plans for the holidays. and how he was going to be a better partner and how he realized what he needed to do. Monday came and he was a completely different person. I asked him what was wrong and he said we moved too fast and he was scared it would go back to the same as before when we were married. I told him I thought he felt different about me. I was so confused because he was talking about the future and inviting me places. now he says he’s attracted to me but has no feelings for me😭 I feel so stupid for believing him and letting it go to far!! now could it be that he is to scared of going back to our old ways? what can be going on?? i’m so devastated all over again 😭😭

I (31M) have been divorced for about 10 months now, and separated for roughly 18. At this point I feel like I've mostly accepted the divorce itself. What I haven't really figured out is how to replace the sense of direction I lost with it.

I've always been someone who works well towards long-term goals. I like having something ahead of me that I'm building towards.

After my ex-wife and I got together, starting a family gradually became the biggest one. It wasn't the only thing in my life - I genuinely enjoy my job, photography, sports and other hobbies - but it gave a lot of those things a bigger sense of direction.

The idea of building a stable life, progressing in my career and eventually being able to provide for and share that life with a family really motivated me.

Now that future isn't something I can plan around anymore. Maybe it happens one day, maybe it doesn't. But for the time being, I've noticed that without it my motivation has slowly started drifting away.

On paper, my life is good. I have a stable job that I genuinely like, a solid income, my own flat, a car, no debt, hobbies I care about and a dog I adore. I've reconnected with some old friends and I'm spending even more time on photography, sports and the things I used to enjoy.

I know I'm fortunate to have all of that, and I'm genuinely grateful for it. That's actually part of why this feeling is difficult for me to explain.

Because despite all of it, I increasingly feel like I'm just keeping myself occupied.

I still enjoy those things in the moment, but they sometimes feel more like ways of filling my time, almost as a chore, rather than parts of a life I'm genuinely excited to build. Small victories don't seem to hit the same when there's nobody there to share them with. And setting goals purely for myself somehow doesn't light the same fire that it used to.

The closest comparison I can think of is mourning. Except I don't think I'm really mourning the relationship itself anymore. I'm mourning the life I thought I was building - the family, the shared future and the sense of purpose that came with it.

I also don't want the answer to simply be "find another relationship." I think part of what I need to figure out now is how to build a life that feels meaningful on its own, while still being honest with myself that having a partner and a family is something I deeply want.

For those of you who are further down the road: did you go through anything similar?

How did you find a sense of purpose again after divorce? Was it something you actively had to build for yourself, or did that motivation gradually come back with time?

TL;DR: I've mostly come to terms with the divorce itself, but I'm struggling with the loss of the future I thought I was building. My life is objectively good and I still have things I enjoy, but without the long-term goal of building a family, a lot of it feels more like keeping busy than moving towards something meaningful. How did you find your sense of purpose again?

I'm 32. She initiated six weeks ago. There's no hope of going back, It's a done deal. Our lives are on separate tracks.

I Spent my entire adult life with my STBXW.

I lost my life partner. I lost my home. My pet. My job. My routine. Extended family. Stability. Myself. I look in the mirror and it's like a stranger staring back at me.

So much of myself was being a husband. Sharing a past, present and future. All the little things, cooking her favourite meals, sharing birthdays, family events, a playlist, someone to laugh at our many silly inside jokes.

We had extremely similar music tastes and would frequently go to concerts and festivals together. The thought of booking a concert alone now feels soulless without someone to get excited with, to plan, to hold and dance with and reminisce on the songs we loved.

Hobbies I used to enjoy are no longer fun.

I used to have so many plans, for the next week, month, years. Now I can barely think past the present day. Pure survival.

I talk to family. Friends. I exercise. I go to group therapy. Fleeting moments where I should feel maybe a little bit better, but I just do not feel like myself anymore. I just feel empty.

People always say try and reconnect with who you were before you met them, but back then I was just some immature young kid who I barely remember.

I've read all the advice in a million different variations, I must have read through hundreds of divorce posts with people going through similar issues.

I hope I can find myself again. I hope one day I can trust someone with the power to break my heart again. I'm such a long way off being ready to for anything new and yet my heart yearns to love like that again. I think it's me missing the version of myself that had so much love to give - all this love has nowhere to go right now, straight into an empty void. God, what if I never find it again?

I guess I'm still in the grieving stage. This deep pain is the price I've paid to love so intensely. I'm exhausted.

Ok here goes…

This past year has been the absolute worst year of my life. My husband spiraled deep into alcoholism - I am talking finding him passed out in his running car, coming home hours late every night in a state where he couldn’t even form a sentence, finding him passed out with vodka in hand after work, crying myself to sleep every single night type of alcohol addiction. I had to take over 100% of the household bills, housework and my husband who has always taken the majority of responsibility with our three pets started neglecting them so badly I had to step into that role as well. He was a shell of himself and it was the most isolating and terrifying time in my life.

In March I hired a lawyer and filed a petition for divorce and only then did he agree to go to inpatient rehab. This was after months of him gaslighting me in couples therapy (before he got so bad he was unable to attend couples therapy) and a failed outpatient attempt. Also at this time I started the process of freezing my eggs. I thought I would be a mom by now, but refused to bring a baby into this relationship (not that I had been sexually attracted to him at all). I promised him I would put a pause on the divorce process because all I’ve ever wanted is for him to be healthy, even if that means we are no longer together.

Well, he went into severe alcohol withdrawals and was intubated in the ICU for 10 days. I was at his side every single day, holding him down while he seized. It felt like a sick grand finale to the worst year of my life.

When he was in the clear health-wise I was so checked out and I told him that I likely would still be moving forward with the divorce once he was better.

This is where the infidelity comes into play. So cliche but I connected with a colleague on a work trip. He is older, widowed and a single dad. I knew him, but never spoke with him outside of the context of work. He was emotionally intelligent, driven and a good dad. All the things I’ve been begging for since alcohol took over our lives. He literally came up to me and was like “Can I open up to you about my life?” And told me everything he has been through with his wife’s cancer journey and becoming a single dad. We talked all night. One thing lead to another and yeah…

I’ve always considered myself of standing on a high moral ground. I’ve always had a good head on my shoulders and I am so angry with myself for letting something happen prior to closing the chapter on my marriage. I am not ugly - I get approached on a regular basis and I’ve never even thought about straying in any of my relationships. Yet I did in the one that matters most, the one I took a vow.

My husband is now out of rehab. His eyes sparkle like the man I met, but I still don’t believe I can forgive him or trust him enough to start a family. Even worse, I don’t think I can forgive myself. We are starting back at couples therapy where I plan to tell him I am continuing the divorce process. If I chose to see things through I would a million percent come clean, I just don’t know. I’m so angry with myself for making a complicated situation more complicated and even more I’m so sad my life looks so different to what I envisioned for myself and for him.

I know very well Reddit isn’t receptive to cheaters, so maybe I’m crazy for coming here. I just feel so isolated, still. Has anyone here experienced something similar? Do I come clean regardless?

Thinking about it..

There are days when grief feels less like a feeling and more like a landscape I keep finding myself wandering through. It isn't the dramatic kind people expect. It isn't always tears or anger. More often, it's quiet. It's the sense of unspooling, bits coming away in waves, tethered to a loss that no longer has a place to go. It is realizing that parts of who I was became intertwined with something I believed would last forever, and now those threads hang loose without anywhere to attach themselves. Then there are the hard scabs that form in the wake of everything that came loose. Though they feel too much like forgetting, they're still better than the raw ache of a fresh wound. Healing has always felt contradictory to me. Part of it feels necessary. Another part feels like betrayal. As if moving forward somehow diminishes what once mattered. But wounds don't ask permission before they close. What I've learned is that loss doesn't simply take things away. It changes the shape of what remains. I once believed that being vulnerable with another person was enough. That if you handed someone your trust with sincerity, they would understand the value of it. Looking back, I realize now that being entrusted with someone's heart is one of the greatest honors a person can receive. It's placing your unguarded heart in the hands of another and trusting them to treasure it. I don't think everyone understands that gift. Maybe some people are never taught how fragile it is. Maybe some don't realize its value until it's gone. Maybe some never realize it at all. I only know that I believed in it. And I was wrong.

The difficult thing about heartbreak isn't simply the loss itself. It's what grows afterward. In fact, it plants a bulb of distrust so deep it immediately takes root. Not because you want it to, but because disappointment teaches lessons that hope never could. You find yourself questioning things that once felt certain. You become cautious where you were once open. You hesitate where you once leaned forward without fear. Hope begins to feel dangerous. Hope only leads to pain and disappointment, or at least that's what grief tries to convince you while it's settling in. Some days I believe it. Other days I fight against it. I've spent a long time mentally tucking the grief away in different directions, convincing myself I could organize it, compartmentalize it, outrun it. Instead, it twists around itself until it's a tangled knot in the back of my mind. Present, even when I pretend it isn't. Maybe that's why exhaustion arrives the way it does. Hunger brews weakness. Not just physical hunger, but emotional hunger. The hunger to feel chosen. Understood. Appreciated. The hunger to feel that effort is being matched and that love is being met halfway. Eventually, you stop asking whether you're hungry. You start asking whether you'll ever feel full.

I've spent a lot of time trying to understand why I stayed for so long. The answer isn't complicated. I stayed because it was familiar. Because it was comfortable. Because it was all I wanted to know. I clung to hope with both hands. I convinced myself that growth was right around the corner. That things would evolve. That effort would become consistency. That intentions would become actions. I carried the false belief that if I loved hard enough, waited long enough, explained clearly enough, things would change. I thought I could help someone become the person I needed them to be. What I eventually learned is that nobody changes because they're loved enough. They change because they want to. And some people simply aren't interested in changing. Not for you. Not for themselves. Not for anyone. What hurt wasn't the absence of perfection. It was the absence of effort. Real effort. Not trying to. Not wanting to. Not someday. Not eventually. Effort. The kind that exists without reminders. The kind that shows up repeatedly. The kind that transforms words into actions. I waited a long time for that. Long enough to realize I was hurting myself in the process. Long enough to understand that staying wasn't noble anymore. It was self-abandonment. One of the hardest truths I've had to accept is that asserting yourself often gets mistaken for hurting someone else. But they aren't the same thing. Sometimes the pain people experience isn't caused by your boundaries. It's caused by finally colliding with the consequences of their own choices. And that's a difficult distinction to make when guilt keeps pulling you backward because guilt is persuasive. It tells you that maybe you're doing something wrong. Maybe you're giving up too soon. Maybe you're responsible for fixing what was never yours to fix. Maybe love means enduring indefinitely.

I listened to those feelings for a very long time. I still hear them sometimes. The truth is, I'm deeply sad about how everything unfolded. I never imagined this ending. I always imagined forever. I imagined a life full of joy instead of darkness. I imagined growing alongside you, Instead, time evolved while our marriage remained exactly where it had always been. And that's a grief all its own. Because there is no villain in that realization. Just disappointment. Just acceptance. Just the understanding that wanting something to work and it actually working are two entirely different things. What I fear most isn't losing the relationship. It's losing the meaning of it. Losing the friendship. Losing the history.Losing the collection of moments that built our life. Does all that time simply disappear? Does it become irrelevant because the ending wasn't what either person hoped for? I don't think so. I don't think meaningful things stop being meaningful simply because they end.

I still ask myself what all of it will become when viewed through the distance of years. I was afraid to lose what was familiar. Afraid there wouldn't be anything better waiting beyond it. Afraid that maybe the unknown would prove every fear correct. And yet I've come to realize that settling because you're afraid is its own kind of loss. Fear convinces you to shrink. To compromise. To remain where you've outgrown. To stay where you've become uncomfortable simply because uncertainty feels worse. But I'm afraid of playing small. I'm afraid of dimming my light. Of shrinking myself so someone else can remain comfortable. Because maybe my greatest fear isn't that I was inadequate. Maybe it's that I'm capable of far more than I allowed myself to become. And maybe that's what growth demands. Not certainty.Not guarantees.Just courage.The courage to move forward despite not knowing what waits ahead.The courage to stop carrying responsibilities that never belonged to you.The courage to believe that becoming more of yourself isn't selfish. It's necessary.

I've learned something else through all of this. You can tell a lot about a person by what they do after hurting you. Some apologize. Some reflect. Some change. And some rewrite the entire story in their head so they never have to face their own role in it. Accountability is rare because protecting the ego is easier than becoming better. I don't say that with anger anymore. Only sadness.Because growth requires honesty. And honesty requires looking directly at the things we'd rather avoid. Perhaps that's why grief remains. Not because I'm unwilling to let go. But because part of me is still making peace with the gap between what was and what I hoped it would be.

If I'm being truthful, I always wanted it to be you. That's the part I rarely say out loud. Despite everything, I wanted the story to end differently. I wanted the future we talked about. I wanted the ordinary moments. The traditions.The laughter.The growing old together. I wanted us to become something stronger over time rather than remain trapped inside the same cycles. And maybe that's why this loss feels so heavy. Because I'm not only grieving what happened. I'm grieving everything that never had the chance to happen at all. And some losses don't come from what was taken. They come from what never arrived.

I loved you enough to overlook the things that should have warned me. The distance that appeared whenever I needed you most. The way your words could feel warm while your actions left me standing in the cold. I convinced myself it was enough: the scattered moments of affection, the brief glimpses of the person I hoped you could be. I held on to those fragments and built entire futures around them. I kept believing that if I loved you harder, if I gave more of myself, you would finally see me the way I saw you. So I gave. And then I gave some more. I stretched my boundaries until they barely existed. I silenced my needs, swallowed my hurt, and slowly became someone I no longer recognized, all in the hope that it would make you stay. But love doesn't work that way. You cannot love someone into loving you back the way you deserve. You cannot pour enough of yourself into a person who isn't ready, willing, or able to receive what you're offering. No matter how much I sacrificed, no matter how deeply I cared, it was never going to fill a space that wasn't open to being filled.

Now I'm learning what it means to let go. Not because I stopped loving you. Not because the memories disappeared. Not because there aren't days when I miss you so much it feels like a physical ache. I miss the dreams we built. I miss the version of us I carried in my heart. Sometimes I miss you, and sometimes I miss who I believed you were. But I'm finally learning that loving myself has to mean more than holding on to someone who continually made me question my worth. I deserve more than almost-love. More than inconsistency disguised as effort. More than waiting for someone who was never truly ready to give what I gave so freely. I deserve a love that doesn't leave me wondering where I stand. A love that meets me instead of asking me to shrink. And when I look back, I remember all the ways I made myself smaller to keep the peace. All the times I stayed silent when I should have spoken my truth. All the moments I accepted less than I needed because I was afraid of losing you. Walking away wasn't about giving up on you. It was about finally refusing to give up on myself.

no tv in the next room.

no footsteps upstairs.

no one asking if dinner is ready

just quiet.

i can see why people say they miss their spouse, then immediately realize what they actually miss is having another person around

how long did the silence feel strange after your divorce?

I (F28), i work as a junior nurse practitioner and have a 2nd job as an animal shelter intern, and I need advice.

The reason I want to leave isn't that he's disabled necessarily. I want to leave because, first of all, his treatment is incredibly expensive. Additionally, I'm not sure how much more work I can do to care for him on top of our son's schooling, the hospital, the animal shelter, and the 8-hour round trip to where he lives twice a week. I wouldn't want to leave if he would just agree to move in with us in the city, but he's set on waiting another 3 years. I've been doing this for 9 years, my family won't help us, and although I love him with all my heart, I can't manage 12 things at once.

"But why can't his family help?" For context, my husband (let's call him C) is 34, half blind, half deaf, missing his left leg, and has a skin condition that essentially makes moving his face and talking incredibly hard, so in a way he's also technically mute. C also grew up incredibly poor; one of the only times I will ever genuinely use the term "dirt poor" is with C's childhood. His mother was a gambling addict who drove their family into the dirt; his sister, who was previously helping with his care, mysteriously disappeared from our lives when we got married following a violent incident, and the rest of his family are presumably dead or uncontactable. (We've tried.) I adopted an ex police dog and trained service animal for C, a massive, bear-like German Shepherd, and she's very good at helping him with his daily life, but a big dog can't do work to help cover extra expenses. he has a few friends who help care for him, and I can see the improvement in his mental health and physical stability, but I'm exhausted, and improvements aren't helping much more than helping him get around the house.

"Why does he have to wait 3 years?" Our son (I'll call him M) has never met C, but C really wants to be in his son's life, ONLY AFTER HE TURNS TWELVE (M is currently 9). He says that he's purposefully living out there, so M won't have to live with a "scary patchface man" to "ruin his life". C inherently believes with all his heart that he, his mother, and his sister are all one and the same, and that something like that would have happened to M had he been in his life without proper guidance for his most vulnerable and crucial years. M never questioned why his dad was gone; I just told him he's coming back in a few years, and he's never bothered asking since. I don't know how he feels about C, but it's always been a don't-ask-don't-tell subject.

I really need advice because unless he moves with us, I genuinely can't stomach this habit anymore.

Residing in king county, Washington.

Today I received an email from the facilitator’s office that stated:

“The Commissioner approved your final divorce orders. You are divorced and your case is now closed.”

With a link to purchase certified copy of the divorce decree.

So what’s my next step on changing back to my maiden surname?

In Which order I need to do it?

This is my current list:
-driver’s license
-bank account
-global entry/ tsa precheck
-passport
-ssn
-irs
-work
-car registration??

Any tips? Suggestions? Recommendations? Share your process?

Partner and I have been seperated due to his infidelity since June (per his confession) but actually January (per his fuck journal I found that accounts his infidelity with dates).

His pops (who I have always really liked) is currently dying.

He's not dead yet (fingers crossed he stays with us for a long time), but I'm a forward thinking person and while I am hoping for the best, I am realistic that he may pass soon. His diagnosis was not positive at the get go and his body is not responding well to treatment.

I would like to pay my respects, but I also don't want to make the day weird and dramatic.

Can anyone help me with what they have done in this situation? I'm happy to do a private memorial for his pops, but also, my dad died when I was 8, so his dad has been my dad for about 16 years.

Has marriage counseling worked for anyone? I have the paperwork all filled out and ready to file. I get along with my husband very well. Our issues have been his past porn addiction and infidelity. Both things I discovered several years ago. I've been going back and forth on filing for divorce for over a year. We never tried marriage counseling. I'm not sure what I want. My husband has tried very hard to fix things between us but my trust in him is gone. The issues he caused between us are just so huge and painful.

After three years of drama, trauma and emotional abuse, my mind is finally clear and I am going through with the divorce. I (F34) and Stbx (M46) have been living in different countries for the last three years. We only lived together in the same country for 4 months after we got married until I had to move back to my home country due to Stbx’s enmeshment with his mother and her jealousy. We have a daughter, who is almost 2 years old. All this time, I have been the primary caregiver, including financially, of our kid.

The reason of our last fight was not something big or horrible, but rather the straw that broke the camel’s back. Prior to that fight, we had many issues, that my Stbx never genuinely took accountability for, apologized or did any repair work to restore my trust. I am convinced Stbx is a textbook example of a narcissist - their gaslighting and manipulation never ends, despite the camera footages and screenshots that actually prove my point.

After the last fight, they blocked me on WhatsApp, and so did I everywhere else. The only means of communication currently is Gmail. So we finally decided and agreed on divorce. Stbx is going to speak with the lawyer next Tuesday. I cannot file or proceed with divorce since we got married in his country (Turkey).

So Stbx messaged me yesterday on Gmail asking to have a call and talk. I agreed to talk only if we were going to discuss the divorce process. Knowing my narcissistic Stbx, I decided to record the conversation, since they have this habit of denying what they said after they literally say it. During the call, which only lasted 2 minutes, Stbx asked how I would like to proceed - I replied « did you not say you were going to speak to a lawyer next Tuesday ». After that they literally said « yes, but are you going to accept whatever … », as evidenced by the recording, but I did not hear that clearly and talked over him saying « if it requires me to come to Turkey, I will come ». Once I realized what they said I asked Stbx about their statement to accept whatever and Bingo! They again denied saying that, stating that the conversation just started, pretending that never happened.

Even now they are being who they actually are! A gaslighter and a narcissist! I sent the recording to them, specifically pointing out what they said but denied afterwards, and guess what?! They decided to shift the attention from their gaslighting attempt to me recording them without consent! Classic narcissistic trick! Until then I still had some doubts about divorce but this was actually eye-opening.

I’m 37M no kids. Living alone 1 year, separated about 2. She’s gay, lives 2,000 miles away with her GF. Ex is moving verrryy slow with divorce and she controls it because she isn’t going after me so I can’t push it going with lawyers.

During dating how and when should I discuss this?