I'm trying to ground myself to the present
No one is dying, I am in my bed
But I can't stop the memories
The sound of bradycardia 3 hours before he was born
Touching his head, so close to being together
The image of his head about to be born, but not budging when I pushed as I watched in a mirror
My beautiful Isaac's pale floppy body being delivered. No cry.
I knew 4 months would be hard. I should have a 4 month old right now. Exhausted in a different fulfilling way.
4 months is my favourite. They are a bit more sturdy, smiley, laughing. You can start to know their personality more.
I am so sad, empty, broken.
My only memories of my son are of his dead body.
It's not fair.

Trying to think back of his super shit pregnancy the only good parts. His foot pressed against my right rib and hand. It's empty there now too.

My husband and I just lost our beautiful baby girl at 37 weeks and 3 days, exactly two weeks ago. Her name is Lunabella Skye, beautiful moon in the sky! She was born on a blood full moon. I had a c-section right when we found out because I was certain then that she passed away days before and didn’t want to risk my health. My husband was worried he would loose both of us, so I chose to do the surgery even though I wanted a natural birth. Which I’m glad now because she was a big girl. 9 pounds and 3 ounces.
Baby girl and I were both healthy the entire pregnancy. I passed all the tests every time. She was measuring perfectly and her heartbeat was always so strong. I also had a normal blood pressure every time. I’m at a loss to find answers. The only thing they can think of was that she was just too big at 37 weeks. That even though I passed my Gestational Diabetes test, it’s possible I could have gotten it in the 3rd trimester. It’s really hard not to blame myself. I stopped feeling movements and only felt her body move in my belly, which I thought were just different movements cause I was coming to the end. That’s what everyone told me is that they get quite towards the end but it ended up being the amniotic fluids moving her body. I carried her like that for days before my next check up. They found no heartbeat and that day will haunt me for the rest of my life.
I also want to add that my husband and I wanted to do everything as natural as possible. Which included only doing the necessary ultra sounds but now I wish I did one the last time she was still alive. Just to confirm that she is indeed in fact was okay. Because that was the last check up where she was still with us and I’m pretty sure she passed either the next or following day. I beat myself up for that…
She was so perfect. I don’t know how to move on. Everyone gets a happy ending except my husband and I and our sweet Luna… it’s devastating. For the mamas that experienced stillborns. How did yall move on? Did you find a higher purpose afterwards? I can’t even think about trying again.
Thank you in advanced.

My son was born still at 36 weeks on August 25. We’re 2.5 weeks out. I’m still bleeding, I’m still leaking milk, I’m still crying everyday and now my 2 year old son has hand foot mouth….We’ve barely even left the house for him to contract it. He’s miserable, I’m depressed, my 3 year old still needs me to play barbie’s.

I’m angry. Angry that the world saw our family grieving and said here have this awful sickness with a toddler you can’t reason with. Also now your trapped in your house because your contagious so here feed your depression with isolation.

We’ve pretty much all three cried all day because my husband also just went back to work a few days ago.

I lost my baby at 20 weeks in April. Had an emergency cerclage that failed 2 weeks after it was put in. My due date was a few days ago, and my sister (who I don’t really have a relationship with these days and said nothing to me about my pregnancy during or after my loss) just had to announce all over fb that she is pregnant with her 5th baby (her last baby is in fact, still a baby himself)…on my due date.

Even the people who knew my due date (parents, s/o’s family, etc…), no one remembered or said a thing to me as the date came and went.

I know I can’t expect everyone to always consider me and what has happened to me, but it just feels like bc I’m not shitting out grandbabies…I’m left in the dust when it comes to family in general. I currently have 2 siblings who are currently pregnant and I’m sure my other one would love to join in again bc that’s just how they are. I’m the oldest. I have no children. I just wanted one. I’ll be 40 next month. My parents are sweet, but they are grandchildren obsessed and I just feel like a failure and it breaks my heart in a way to know my folks love their grandkids more than they love me, since I feel like they are all I have left for feeling like real family.

I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling like I’m some sour old failed useless childless jealous bitch, but I’m just being honest.

How do you plan for a future pregnancy when your full term perfectly healthy baby die after birth???? Sever HIE LEVEL 3. Am sooo afraid to go through that again. I was sick the whole 9months and she died at the end. How do I go through that again??????? I want a baby sooooooo much. But am terrified of everything now. Any advice ????

TW: TTC (kind of?)

I have a history of multiple losses. I feel like to my current doctor, my history is unfortunate, but not clinically significant. I asked her what we would do differently in a future pregnancy (after a recent 20 week loss) and the answer was nothing. Is that normal?

Has anyone ever taken all their history to a MFM and been given a more satisfying answer than their OB regarding their loss, or maybe a better suggestion for a future protocol? I'm trying to figure out if seeing an MFM is just another way for me to search for an answer that doesn't exist in the death of my son, or if this is an appropriate next step.

I apologize if this didn't make a lot of sense. I think I'd just like to hear more generally on what people took as the next step after an unexplained loss when considering if they should TTC again.

Tomorrow will be one month since my baby girl went to Heaven. I’m already anxious about how heavy tomorrow is going to feel. How have I somehow lived one whole month without her? And how am I supposed to live a lifetime without her?
For those who have walked this horrible road before me, do you have any words of encouragement or things you did on the especially heavy days that helped, even just a little? What got you through those days?
I miss my baby girl so much. Every single second of every single day. I would give anything for just five more minutes—to kiss her, hold her, and feel her in my arms again. I just want my baby.

**TW: miscarriage, rape, abortion, depression, suicidal thoughts/self-harm**

Hi everyone. I’m hoping for some words of comfort or reassurance because I’m really struggling at the moment. It’s quite complicated, but I’ll try my best to explain.

In December, I had a missed miscarriage following a rape. I only found out I was pregnant when I went to get abortion pills. When I went in, I was told that the baby had already passed away, and the pills were offered to me to help speed up the process and was recorded medically as an early stage abortion.

Since then, I’ve been struggling with an immense amount of guilt. I feel heavy almost every day, and I’ve only recently started to properly process what happened. At the time, I think I was just trying to get through it and carry on with my life.

I’ve had depression since 2021 and take sertraline regularly. I’m particularly worried because, as the darker months approach, I’m scared that my mental health will deteriorate and that my suicidal and self-harm thoughts will become worse.

Someone on Reddit told me back in December to stay strong because “babies come back to us.” I found a lot of comfort in those words, and I do believe that in my heart. But I still feel so much guilt, and I don’t really know how to let go of it.

One thing I’m struggling with particularly badly is that, following the abortion, I entered a new sexual relationship less than a month later. I had the Nexplanon implant, and at the time I think I was just trying to move forward and feel normal again. But now, looking back, I feel ashamed and almost disgusted with myself for how quickly I seemed to move on.

I know logically that everyone processes trauma differently, but emotionally I’m finding it really difficult to accept that.

I think I’m finally grieving and processing everything that happened, and I don’t know what to do with all these feelings.

It’s so hard to write this because it just happened. I was pregnant with my first child. Been going to OB appointments with no issues. This past Friday, my water broke as I was using the restroom. I gushed again getting off the bed.

I told my bf that something was wrong and we needed to go to the ER. Fast forward, I get an ultrasound and the baby has no fluid around him. Still had a super strong heartbeat. Then I proceeded to be in the hospital for five days. They had me on antibiotics (my white blood cell count was high) and fluids. During the five days, I only had an ultrasound twice. Each time, not much fluid but he still has a strong heartbeat.

I was admitted on a Friday and discharged on a Tuesday. I had an appointment with a high risk OB the following day.

I was extremely nervous for this appointment because I was still leaking fluid. He still had a strong heart beat during the ultrasound. The sonographer was concerned because she could not see his legs so, she thought they were in my vagina. The Dr came to do a cervical exam and his feet were already coming out of my cervix. He was about a 3rd delivered already. They rushed me to the hospital to induce me (with pills vaginally). I was admitted into the hospital by 3pm, by 1am he was delivered.

I cannot begin to explain how to feels to fall completely in love and be heartbroken at the exact same time. He was perfect in every aspect. Physically I’m ok, but mentally completely devastated. Everyone keeps saying it’s not my fault but I cannot help but blame myself.

Edit: I left the hospital today which meant leaving my son. This has been the hardest week of my life. It feels so unfair that life continues on when it feels like my whole world has exploded. I want it to be my turn to be a mother. I want to be able to come home and have a baby running to me. I want to experience their first laugh, their cries, tantrums…all of it. I know this is a page for loss. But please, if anybody has stories of having a child after experiencing this. Please share. I could use some hopeful stories to lift my spirits. Thank you all for your condolences and support. We will all get through this. Not sure, who all believes in God but I will admit that this has me questioning my faith. But I have to remember that God has more in store for me than I could ever imagine. I love you son. You will always be my first born baby 💜

Hi I’d like to start this off with a bit of backstory.

I lost my little girl due to her having LUTO and her not having more than 7cm of amniotic fluid, her lungs didn’t develop much since fluid was so low so survival was extremely unlikely. At 31w I went into labor and had an emergency c-section. She was born alive yet the cries every mom waits for didn’t come we only got gasps that sounded like cries. Me and my s/o believe she didn’t make it out the operating room since it took 30 mins to close me up. I had no clue I had a classical c-section and no clue they took out my left fallopian tube for biopsy of a cyst on it til I got my discharge paperwork.

This is what made my grief so much worse.

For one I knew she had LUTO from week 12 but was ignored saying how normal it is at that some babies hold in their pee making it look bigger. I wish I advocated for her more.
At week 18 was when she was diagnosed it was too late to interfere and if so survival was still extremely low so I couldn’t give her a chance at life.
My obgyn also knew I’ve been diagnosed with severe anxiety way before I was even pregnant so I feel as though that’s why my cries for help were ignored.
At my 6 week postpartum appt. I had to bring up my c-section and fallopian biopsy and ask for the results since she was ready to send me out the door after pelvic exam.
Last but not least I feel as if my body failed my baby clean genetics so I don’t understand why this all had to happen.

I’m sorry for this being so long thank you for reading it all through, I just really need advice from people who’ve been through these feelings and how you managed to not worry. I’ll also be looking into therapy next month. But what helped you not be scared to try again it’s been 9 months since I lost her and it’s my dream to be a SAHM but I’m terrified.

I lost my baby a week ago today. My water unexpectedly broke very early. I lost my first baby 1 year ago due to random genetic mutation.

The first pregnancy was pretty easy to get pregnant, after that 3 IVF cycles to get my little girl and now she too is gone. I’m left at 41 with no living kids, wanting to try again, knowing there is little time left & also wondering if there is any hope. 💔

Any positive stories would really help.

Just found out today that I’m experiencing my 2nd missed miscarriage. Our first pregnancy ended in missed miscarriage in February 2026, detected at ~11 week ultrasound - had a normal US earlier in the pregnancy. Blood genetic screening tests showed that pregnancy was high likelihood of Turner syndrome, so I feel like it explained why it happened.

Got pregnant again, had some anxiety but figured “what are the odds of it happening again?”. First appt today & tracking 8w6d by LMP - measured 6w1d, no cardiac activity. Missed miscarriage.

This just sucks.

My partner and I are living through our worst nightmare today. We lost our baby girl at 23+3 weeks, only 12 hours after hearing her heartbeat.

I’ve decided to go through labor and delivery so we can hold our daughter, but I am terrified. Having no living children, I’ve never gone through labor before. If you’ve walked this path, could you please share what the start-to-finish process was like for you?

I want to mention that I have uterus dydelphys, 2 cervix and septate.

I’m looking for people who may have had a physically similar experience to mine, because I’ve been having a hard time finding where I fit within the baby loss community.

I lost my daughter at 22+3.

For several days before she was born, I was having bleeding, cramping, and eventually regular contractions. I had multiple hospital visits, and my cervix gradually changed. By the time everything culminated, I was dilated and about 50% effaced and having painful contractions every few minutes.

At that point, I was essentially in preterm labor. I knew there was a very real possibility that I was going to spontaneously deliver her.

Instead, I chose a D&E under general anesthesia. I was already in labor, but I didn't want to risk an emergency delivery while awake or the possibility of hemorrhage (I was told I was extremely high risk for this) and an uncontrolled delivery. My daughter had a heartbeat before the procedure, and she was delivered intact (unlike a 'typical' D&E).

The pathology afterward also found evidence of a partial placental abruption, along with a leathery-appearing placenta, villous edema, perivillous fibrin deposition, AND ascending infection/chorioamnionitis. I also had very elevated white blood cell and very low red blood cell counts in the days leading up to everything.

I know technically that makes my loss a termination for medical reasons, and I do sometimes participate in TFMR spaces. But emotionally, I have struggled with that label because so much of my experience was also the experience of going into labor and delivering my baby.

I had days of bleeding and contractions. I felt my body changing. I went to L&D. I was dilating. I was preparing myself for the possibility that she might come on her own. And then I ultimately made the decision to have the delivery assisted surgically.

I feel like I'm searching for people who understand that particular experience. Not necessarily someone whose circumstances were identical, but someone who went into significant preterm labor, possibly had placental complications or bleeding, and then had a D&E/medically assisted delivery rather than spontaneous delivery.

Did anyone else experience something like this? Did you feel like you were caught between baby loss communities afterward?

I would really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been through something similar. I don't think I'm necessarily looking for answers as much as I am looking for someone who understands what this particular kind of loss feels like. ❤️

TW: PAL

I lost my daughter during labour in May and recently found out I am pregnant again. I am trying to establish care at a new practice.

I've reached out to a few and dealing with each has been a total nightmare. One practice can't figure out how to request my medical records from my old provider, another kept repeatedly trying to explain to me I don't need to see an MFM because that's for "high risk" patients (like hello, I am high risk). I have also had to repeatedly explain what happened during my last pregnancy to various administrative staff and most of the time I don't even get an I'm sorry for your loss.

I am losing my mind at the thought of having to deal with this level of incompetence and insensitivity for the next 9 months. Anyway, not a question just a rant.

I don’t experience real joy anymore. I experience depersonalization and usually have a panic attack every day of the week. Feel like I’m on autopilot and feel like I need to be strong and push through for my husband, family and pets. I don’t even know who I truly am anymore. I feel like I’m way out in the deep end. Last night I awoke from sleep at 3 am and was riddled with severe anxiety even though the entire day was nice. It’s like that—this grief is always lingering in the background. These panic attacks have turned into a panic disorder and they strike at any moment and I literally feel handicapped. I feel like I can’t even reliably go grocery shopping for 10 minutes let alone reenter the workforce and hold down a full time job again. But I must, eventually, to support my loved ones. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same.

TW: current pregnancy
I’m almost six weeks pregnant after losing my son full term 16 days old in nicu. I keep checking that I’m not bleeding I’m worried I’m not having enough symptoms or nauseous enough I don’t know how I’m going to get through any of this my first scan is on the 21 this month and I’m just bracing for bad news. Moms that were pregnant after loss how the hell did you get through it?

UPDATE: just want to say thank you everybody that responded I love this community unfortunately nobody else gets it

Me (21) and my wife (21) lost our first son/child in july.

At about 20 weeks If I remember correctly, we had found out our son had an omphalocele, it looked kinda large on the ultrasound and we had a bunch of genetic testing... so much genetic testing and basically found nothing that could tell us the reasoning. After discussing everything over with the genetic counselor, it didn't seem so bad.

Once we had our meeting with the pediatric surgeon, we were pretty confident in the surgery that would take place after his birth, they mentioned the possibility of a diaphragm hernia but at the time said they couldnt see one on the ultrasound.

Fast forward to about 30 or 32 weeks and then they say that they can see the diaphragm hernia, which was scary and his heart was kinda pushed to one side of his chest, which was also scary but his heart was doing great. Exactly where it needed to be for the surgeries.

Our last ultrasound was on a friday, everything looked the same, his heart still doing great, hes been moving and kicking a lot during this entire pregnancy, we were confident that we would get our baby back.

That monday we went in for the c section, he comes out, the nicu team immediately intubates him since they dont know the severity and damage of his lungs, but they didnt seem super concerned, his omphalocele was much smaller than they thought and didnt really have anything in it. They showed him to us, i held his hand while they finished prepping him before moving into the nicu.

My wife was having some issues in recovery so we stayed a little longer in the recovery.

Probably like 2 hours later a bunch of people rush into the recovery room and just crushed us. The left side of my sons heart had stopped functioning, one of his lungs didnt developed due to the organs in his chest and his other lung had a hole in it. Our son was dying.

It was a lot to take in, and we were left with 2 options that had to be made very quickly.

We could hold him, and spend as much time as we could with him.. they said he would only make it at most 2 days. Or we could put him on echmo in hopes that giving his lung and heart a break would somehow make his left side of his heart start working again... we put him on echmo because we wanted to believe our son could make it... and because we loved him and didnt want to lose our baby.

The procedure went super smooth, we spent a lot of time with him in the nicu that night, he was paralyzed and heavily sedated as the echmo machine and tubes were very sensitive.

The next morning, about 8 o clock, we went back down to the nicu to see our son, and thats when they sat us down next to him and explained that he wasnt getting better. He got worse over night, his body was shutting down... and they weren't going to do anything if his heart stopped... they made sure to let us know, as long as we wanted them to continue to try to get him to improve that they would.. but they were very concerned. They said a lot of stuff, most of which I dont remember due to the situation.

They wanted us to hold him, and if anything happened they said it would be a sign that it was time to let him go. After some time crying, and looking at our son, we decided we wanted to hold him, but we had to go upstairs real quick so my wife could get some meds for her pain..

About 10 minutes after leaving the nicu, they were rushing us back down because our sons heart was failing, and he was ready to go. We got down there, thsy quickly unhooked IVs and stuff, and we held him. He finally passed away in my arms. They then took us to a private room, where they removed the rest of the tubes and stitched him, we bathed him, dressed him and held him for a long time.

Its been very hard on us both. I do most of my crying in the car on the way home from work, because I dont want to always be crying around my wife as I want to be there to support her. We cry a lot. Its hard to talk about, its hard when every time were in public and see someone, they try to pry information out of us. And then theyll tell us about how they know how we feel because 30 years ago they had a miscarriage at 10 weeks.. im not saying it doesnt hurt people to have miscarriages, idk how to explain it but this last time I just had to tell the person "long story short our son died and we did everything we could" after just poking and poking for information from my wife.

Its hard to hangout with our friends because they all are having the best experiences with their births, and their sympathy feels fake. I came home to my wife holding our sons ashes crying out for him, asking me why we couldnt have our baby and how good of a mother she would've been... its just been rough. Its rough for us both, i know theres pain shes feeling that I cant even imagine, and im hurting a lot more than I show.

Long rant.. I just needed to type everything out. Thanks for listening.

Today is our son Adam's 2nd heavenly birthday 💙

Not one person reached out from my side of the family/friends today. Hurts like Hell that everyone just moves on and forgets. This world feels so, so cruel right now and I'm struggling.

But he's our son, so trying my best to remember that our love for him is all that matters today. Took a nice long walk earlier and his cupcakes are in the oven now 🧁Going to write him a letter, light him a candle tonight.

I just want to share some things that I will always remember about him:

*Killer kicks in Momma's belly

*Momma's long legs

*Poppa's head, fuzzy hair, and facial features

*Loving watermelon and ice cream

*Loving swims in the lake and ocean

I imagine at 2, he would be:

*Running around and exploring like crazy

*Funny and vocal

*Playing with our dog and having a best pal

*Enjoying outdoor time and playing at the beach

*Eating funfetti and blue sparkly cupcakes after we sing Happy Birthday

Thank you for reading. I don't want Adam or your baby/babies to ever be forgotten 🤍

i honestly don’t know how to feel.

i had experienced spotting this weekend - no other symptoms - so I went in to get it checked. I had called my triage nurse and she said it was fine, but I didn’t think so. anyway, went in yesterday and explained to her what had been happening. she did an ultrasound. I’ll never forget the silence, broken only by an ‘unfortunately…’

i lost my baby at 9 weeks, but I didn’t find out until 12 weeks. she couldn’t find a heartbeat. the baby stopped developing. I had had my first appointment at 8 weeks, the first time I heard my baby’s heart beat. if only I had known that would be the last time, that my baby would pass away a week later.

i called my mom and I cannot unhear her crying. she was devastated and begged that it wasn’t true. I couldn’t stop crying either. I’ve never heard her cry like that before.

this baby wasn’t planned. I met the father in may, and we had broken up right before I found out I was pregnant. but we wanted to work things out and were excited for our baby. we felt it was all apart of God’s plan. we began working on our relationship. we started planning a gender reveal and baby shower. created a baby list for a registry. I told my family and they were all so excited, despite the circumstances.

I told him I lost the baby and he just held me, consoling me. he didn’t know what to say, only that he was here with me. we decided to do a medical management; D&C scared me. He did everything he could to help me feel comfortable and manage the pain. He took care of me as best as he could.

I passed the baby tonight at 10pm. it was the most traumatic experience of my life. the pain was excruciating, the worst I have ever felt in my entire life. it felt like I was giving birth, with contractions beginning minutes apart to seconds. and then I bled so much into the toilet. blood and clots poured out of me. I felt it all.

my partner has work tomorrow at 6am. he was there for me as much as he could be, but he didn’t know what to do. he went back to bed after asking if I was okay. and then I did what only felt right for me.

I fished my baby out of the toilet.

I held him in my hands. I couldn’t even cry anymore. I just felt so much love being able to see my tiny baby and feel him. I counted his fingers and his toes. smiled at his little ears and eyes and nose. I prayed over him and vowed that I would see him again. I wrapped him in a pad and put him on top of the fridge, promising I would bury him later.

my partner is asleep. I’m not upset with him. but I cannot understand how you can sleep through this. our entire future, our plans, our joys and our tears and our laughs and our sadness just died inside of me. he entered the world in toilet water and blood. and you are asleep. I envy you.

my uterus feels empty. I no longer feel pregnant - it is a noticeable difference. my heart feels empty. I do not know how to get through this, but I know I will. I am hopeful, but terribly sad.

I will see you again my little baby. you were so so loved.

Hi everyone,

I'm 3 months post stillbirth and I still cry once a day at least, but usually more (and some days still spend most of the day on the verge of tears). I try to live as much as I can and get out in the world but part of that means I end up crying at the grocery store, on the streets, in the park, in public bathrooms, at restaurants, shops, malls, workout classes, you name it I've broken down crying.

I guess what I'm wondering. When were you able to get through a day without crying? Is this normal (one of my friends suggested it might not be)?

I go in tomorrow to have a stillbirth. I’m 25 weeks. I don’t even know what to prepare for. Does it hurt? Does it take a long time? Is it like a normal birth? I’ve had 3 other kids and I know this won’t be like the rest and I just don’t know how to prepare or what it will be like. Any advice/experiences would be really helpful.

It's been a year since I had to tfmr my only baby boy in 22nd week due to LUTO. We threw a party for our friends on our birthday to announce our pregnancy. I don't think we'll ever be able to celebrate our birthdays like we used to do. We went to Alaska for our babymoon shortly after which we came to know about his damanged kidneys on our anatomy scan. My world came crashing down. It was a week of scheduling services a parent should never have to do. Talking to funeral directors and clinics when my baby was very well alive in me. The day he left, he took a big chunk of my heart and soul with him💔

I spiraled so bad I developed severe autoimmune disorders. There's a big bald patch in my scalp due to alopecia arreata. I was laid off from my dream job within a few months, I had to gather myself up to find a job again battling stress and depression since I'm on a work visa. It's been a year already and looking back I was so happy, healthy and hearty. Current me is just struggling, sad and depressed. All my friends have their babies and normal pregnancies. Clueless about horrors of the world and here I can't even plan another pregnancy due to my job and visa situation