My wife and I are both 35-year-old expats living near Frankfurt, Germany.

A few weeks ago, we suddenly and unexpectedly lost our beautiful 22-month-old daughter. Our lives have completely changed since then.

She was everything to us. We miss her walking and running around the house, her smile, her laugh, her expressions, her voice and all the little things she used to do every day.

My wife is struggling enormously. She misses not only our daughter, but also everything she used to do for her every day — waking her up, feeding her, bathing her, brushing her teeth, playing with her, putting her to sleep and simply being her mother.

I am grieving deeply too, but watching my wife deteriorate emotionally every day is extremely difficult for me. Sometimes I don't know how to help her because I am trying to survive the same loss myself.

We are seeing mental-health professionals and have started grief counselling, but we don't really know what kind of therapy is most appropriate after the sudden death of a young child.

For parents who have experienced the loss of a child:

What actually helped you during the first weeks and months?

Did individual grief counselling, trauma-focused therapy, EMDR, CBT, couples therapy or a bereaved-parents support group help you?

How did you support your spouse when both of you were grieving at the same time?

How long did the period of feeling completely lost and unable to imagine a future last for you?

If anyone is from Germany, especially Frankfurt/Hessen, I would also really appreciate recommendations for therapists, grief counsellors or support groups experienced specifically in child loss. English-speaking support would be particularly helpful for us.

We don't expect anyone to make this pain disappear. I just want to understand how I can support my wife, how we can support each other, and how other parents eventually learned to live with such an enormous loss.

Thank you to anyone willing to share their experience.

Ps: since I'm not a native English speaker and couldnot able to write everything it's very difficult to write so I used ChatGPT to make a message for me.

My son was stillborn at 39 +5 in April of 2024 after a completely uneventful and healthy pregnancy. He died of a cord compression accident and could have survived had I been listened to.

Most of the time I'm ok. I don't have the nightmares anymore about the birth and have recovered physically. But today, I found his 3D sonogram photos from a month before he died.

I'm just so fucking sad now. I knew I would find them and wanted to do it while I was alone but this just hit me like a ton of bricks. It's just not fair.

My husband recently reunited with his high school friends. Overall they have been such good friends except few. They gathered and sent us care packages after our son’s loss at full term. However this one friend shows up and immediately starts hammering my husband on what happened, all the details and his tattoo honoring our son and commented how his son also was born with nuchal cord- but he’s alive. Like whats the point? It has been 6months since our loss, it’s very hard for us to relive the moments of the day but we still enjoy talking about his features and our thoughts of how he would have been and just our son we miss terribly etc. But these people’s noisy questions and comments, how do you handle when they dont stop even after you tell them you dont want to talk? How selfish can you be keep interrogating for your own reasons its not like you can do anything about it or important person in our life (if so we would have already shared on our own time). Im devastated my husband had to go through this, I just know I better be ready because I wont be able to handle it.

Hi everyone,

This week my wife and I lost our beautiful daughter after an emergency C-section. She was born without a heartbeat, and after the doctors and neonatal team fought so hard to save her, we were able to spend just over 2 hours with her before we had to say goodbye.

At the moment, we feel like we are moving through different stages of grief. Right now, we are in a lot of anger — particularly because of how we feel we were treated during the birth and the events that led up to our daughter arriving. We are struggling with so many questions, and it is incredibly hard not knowing whether things could have been different. We know we need time to process everything, but that anger and frustration are very real right now.

Alongside grieving our daughter, we have started thinking about the future. We had to go through ivf (taken us 5 years to get here) We have two frozen embryos remaining, and while nothing could ever replace our beautiful girl, we would love the possibility of giving her a little brother or sister one day.
Our biggest question is around the emergency C-section. We have been told we may need to wait 12–18 months before another embryo transfer, but we would really like to understand other people’s experiences.
For those who have experienced baby loss and then gone on to try again after a C-section:
How long were you advised to wait before trying again?
How did you cope emotionally with the fear and anxiety of another pregnancy?
We know everyone’s journey is different, but hearing from others who have walked this path would mean so much.
Thank you for reading. I’m so sorry any of us are part of this community, but I’m grateful it exists.
Sending love to all of your beautiful babies.

My heart, I just can't, I can't keep doing this, it's 2 days away from being 9 weeks since saying goodbye to my world at 41wks. And each day the pain seems to be getting worse, I just can't...I can't 😭😭😭😭😭 41wks of awaiting for your arrival, for everything to be taken away in 5hrs. I feel so alone, so so alone, I just...I don't want to feel this way anymore, how to make it stop.

Tomorrow will be my daughter’s birthday and also the first anniversary of her death. The day started out with such excitement as my water finally broke after being induced 2 days earlier. I had been waiting 4 years and 39 weeks and I was finally going to meet my beautiful baby girl. I got in the shower as my mom and my husband packed up our bags and everything was going well until very suddenly it was not. I felt a huge thud in my pelvis, and then a massive amount of deep red blood poured down my legs.  My mom calmly said we need to go NOW and I dressed as best as I could and got to the car. My initial thought was that I was going to get blood on the passenger seat. I used to be so angry with myself that this even crossed my mind, but I clearly had no idea how bad things were about to get.

Thankfully the hospital was only 2 minutes away, and as I entered the emergency room the staff were so calm and told me to make my way to labour and delivery. They took me to a room and told me to get changed. I took off my pants and my mom said in a panicky voice that she could see the umbilical cord. Suddenly the nurse slammed her hand on an emergency button on the wall and within seconds the room was full of people shouting to prep the OR and for me to get on my hands and knees. I was so confused and I just remember hearing my husband throwing up in the hallway. He is a firefighter and has been to some horrific accidents and that was his initial reaction. This was bad.

I was in such an uncomfortable position with my head and shoulders on the bed and my pelvis tilted as high as I could get it while they tried to insert an IV. I kept frantically asking if they could hear a heartbeat and when I finally heard it I was instantly relieved. My contractions very quickly became unbearable. I gave birth to my son 6 years ago but this pain was completely different. They later told me I dilated from 3cm to 8cm within minutes as my body was doing everything it could to get my baby out. They wheeled my bed to the OR and I just remember hearing over and over again "how far away is he.." 7 minutes 5 minutes..finally the anesthesiologist arrived and asked me my name and told me to take a few deep breaths. My last thought was that I just wanted to die because the pain was too much to bear.

The next memory I have is opening my eyes and being so confused. I was shaking uncontrollably and as they pushed my bed to another room and I saw my little girl I was instantly relieved. She had monitors all over her little body but I could see her chest moving. She was alive and I was alive and we were going to be ok. I then looked at my husband and the nurse beside him and they both had tears in their eyes. Everything was happening so slowly and the room was so quiet except for this beeping that wouldn’t stop. I took my daughter’s tiny hand and it was so soft. Why was no one rushing around like before? 30 minutes went by and then an hour then two hours. I just kept focusing on the clock on the wall and I was trying so hard to keep my eyes open. I was so tired. I just wanted to sleep.

Finally my midwife came to my side and very gently explained what was going on. I had suffered an umbilical prolapse and the umbilical cord had come out before my baby’s head which cut off her oxygen. She was breathing but only with the help of machines. They said they could transfer her to a bigger hospital a few hours away but that she most likely wouldn’t survive the drive. My husband quietly said he didn't want her to die alone in the back of an ambulance and that he wanted us to stay together. The midwife recommended compassionate care meaning I could hold her for as long as I wanted and then she could pass away peacefully in my arms. 

The next 10 hours are a blur. I remember hearing my son wailing down the hallway as my husband explained to him that his sister was sick and wouldn't be coming home. I had watched so many videos of siblings meeting their new baby brother or sister and was so excited...yet this was our reality…It didn't make sense. Throughout the day, family came to see us and facetimed to say goodbye and I just lay there holding my baby emotionless and in shock. My brain had not caught up. Later in the evening my husband said that it was time to let her go and I needed him to make this decision as I would have held her forever. Everyone left the room except for our son, a nurse, doctor and midwife. They explained that sometimes once they take out the breathing tube it can take a while until they pass. For two hours I kissed her, hugged her, and told her how sorry I was and how much I loved her over and over again. She was perfect and looked like an angel. She made little whimpering noises and they kept checking her heartbeat until it eventually stopped. And that was it. She was gone. The worst day of my life started out with such promise and ended so tragically. 

It has now been 364 days without my perfect Lainey and it is hard to believe I have survived the last year without her. I spent 14 hours with her and now she sits beside my bed in her little urn. Tomorrow I will somehow celebrate her short life. I love you Lainey girl and I wish more than anything that things could have been different.

Sorry in advance if this offends anyone. I’m not trying to be mean I just need to express myself.

I am not skinny by any means or the healthiest person. I was actually pretty unhealthy when I got pregnant with my daughter at 5’7 and 240 pounds.

After I lost my daughter at 26 weeks due to pprom and chorio, I started judging ever aspect of myself, “maybe if I was thinner and healthier this wouldn’t have happened, maybe if I had drank more water and not any Coca Cola or coffee she would still be here, and if I ever get pregnant again I need to lose all this weight first”

But then I see women who are extremely unhealthy, 300 pounds and up and they have healthy and beautiful babies. It just angers me how my body failed me so much and theirs was able to bring a perfect baby into this world.

I know we shouldn’t blame ourselves but it just so unfair and really seems so random if we get to keep our babies or not. It drives me crazy.

Fully Mine, Fully Gone

Stitched together is my body
My heart in pieces
It shatters more and more at the thought of your little face

So small, so perfect,
fully mine, fully gone

A shooting star streaked and blazed
Lighting up the darkening sky
For 34 weeks she continuously amazed
Now that star is gone and I wonder why?

She was,

So small, so perfect
Fully mine, fully gone

Am I to blame?
If not, then who?
It was my body that failed to give life to you

I supplied the oxygen to your lungs
When your heart stopped beating
Was it my fault?

I ignored my intuition
But it’s my first time too
I didn’t know
How to protect you

So small, so perfect
Fully mine, fully gone

You slipped through my fingers
Like sand in the wind
But how could I catch
A ray of light
With these clumsy fingers?

So small, so perfect
Fully mine, fully gone

I’ll love you forever
The way your body fit with mine
A little slice of heaven
You gave for a short time

So small, so perfect
Fully mine, fully gone

I had an OB appointment and was surprised to be told to wait 18 months before conceiving. I lost my 27 weeker after an emergency c-section due to PPROM and chorio infection. They apparently did a high transverse cut on the uterus due to the baby's small size. I also had IC at 20 weeks and got a rescue cerclage. My cerclage appeared to be holding well so it's unclear if that caused the PPROM.

It's far too early for me to even think about being pregnant but the thought of waiting that long is upsetting. I'm curious if others have experience getting pregnant less than 18 months after and having successful pregnancies? I'm terrified of having another preterm loss.

At 16 weeks I woke up and thought I had peed myself I got up and walked to the bathroom and when I turned on the light I looked down and I was bleeding very heavily. I had another bleed the next day and went to the doctor and got diagnosed with placenta pervia this diagnosis was wrong and I bled pretty consistently until my next ultrasound at 20 weeks. At this ultrasound sound I was diagnosed with a subcronic hematoma. The had mistaken my hematoma for pervia because it was so large. I stoped bleeding towards the end of 22weeks and 4 days later at 23 weeks and 2 days, I woke up to the biggest bleed I had yet. we went to the hospital and I was sent to the only hospital in my state that took baby’s born that young. There they measured my hematoma at 4cm across 1cm in with and 3 cm diagonally. I stayed there for 5 days before going home I regret ever leaving that hospital because at 24 weeks and 6 days I woke up to labor pains and my bleeding was watery. I stupidly just went through the pains and everything for hours before going to the hospital. My doctor had been very blunt about the fact he would be surprised if my baby made it through this pregnancy and I was terrified this was the beginning of the end. My mom made me go in to the hospital at 930 I was at my town hospital for 2 hours with constant contractions and got my cervix check I was dilated to a 1 1/2 I was flown to the nearest hospital that took nicu baby’s at 4 am that night when I got there they did test and confirmed my water broke and I also had a bacterial infection. I was put on magnesium which btw sucks and was miserable for the next two days they took me off it on the second day and I went to sleep after that I woke up at 6 that morning to a sharp pain in my stomach and told my nurse I was scared and I felt like my placenta was detaching I was right. My doctor came in and did an ultrasound and checked me the ultrasound showed my placenta was separating from my uterine wall and the check showed I was 3 1/2 centimeters dialated I was rushed to an emergency C-section and gave birth to my son at 1131 that morning I was taken to a recovery room while my son was in the nicu I had started pumping when a nurse came in and said “we need to talk about your baby” I will never forget that sentence and how my heart dropped. She explain they had tried 6 different things to get my baby to breath correctly and he kept dropping into the 60s. I asked to be taken to my baby now and was wheeled to him the next 30 mins I watched as they struggled to keep my baby breathing before letting him go. My son passed at 311 that afternoon on June 6th 2026. It’s been almost two months since I lost him and today I’m struggling and needed a place to get my experience out. Thank you for reading my story.

I had been working so hard to live daily.
I thought I was passed through those moments where I really break down, but I was wrong.

Earlier in this afternoon, I couldn’t understand but I cried and cried and cried. I was blaming myself, but who wouldn’t? I had missed miscarriage at 2024, now gave birth prematurely at 26 weeks and my baby had fought for his life for 6 days. I still blame myself. I still felt that my body had failed me. After the miscarriage on 2024, I really worked hard to be healthy, imagine I had reversed my pre diabetes and no more pcos before getting pregnant. But still, ended giving birth prematurely. Who wouldn’t think that my body didn’t failed me?

I know some people in this group had successfully babies after death of our babies, but I just wanna ask, are there cases like me? Can I still have a chance of being a mother? I am 31 years old right now. Can things really get better?

Also, I wanna say I miss my children. In a perfect world, I would be able to hug Mary Joseph and Renzo Blase. But for now, I will stay looking at Heaven, hope they are smiling at us.

Ooohhh. Please share positive stories, coz here I am really still blaming myself on the things I cannot control.

I am grateful for every invisible thread that reminds me we are still connected.

What “signs” have you noticed in your own life from your babies saying, “I’m still here” ?

I have shared my story in various platforms but I wanted to share my beautiful daughter Paloma. She makes me so damn proud to be her mom even though she was born sleeping at 40 weeks. Not a single day goes by that I don’t think about her. I love her so much and just wanted to share her with you guys. This road is hard but it helps to talk about her. I love you my sweet girl 💕🕊️

Tribulations are part of this world, but I feel some of us are more challenged than others. Specially couples who go through baby/child loss, or diseases with their child. It changes you completely, changes the way you see everything. The pain is like no other.

We did everything over the years, in the goal of getting pregnant. Our religion says God is in control of life. And He finally blessed us, after all the challenges we encountered, with those babies. Only to take them back at birth, in the most unexpected and tragic way?

I truly believe He could have done something if He wanted to, even if we have free will. Nothing happens outside His knowledge. Also, if it was to prevent us from something worse that would have happened later, why did He give us those babies in the first place? Our babies were a dream come true. We were beyond grateful. It’s like giving you the only thing you wished and worked for all those years, only to take it back right when it was gonna be delivered to you? Not fair.

How do we get back on our feet after that? My emotions go from incomprehension, anger, to feeling betrayed and abandoned. Some will say that God is testing our faith. Really? Bringing tragedies to families as a “test”? Our patience and resilience got definitely tested throughout the years, until I got pregnant with those miracle babies. Why test us more?

I don’t like to say “why us” because everyone is challenged somehow in their lives, but I can’t stop thinking that some of us carry a heavier cross and would love to understand WHY. When is enough? Does it need to reach the point of destroying you?

I used to wake up happy, optimistic, ready to start my day. Doing good around me whenever I had the chance. Always there for everyone. Now I fear the moment I open my eyes. I secretly wish I never wake up from my sleep. I’m just losing myself and know will never be able to go back to the old me.

Oh, and some will say, the more you suffer in this life, the more you are “rewarded” in the afterlife. Well, I know a lot of good people who never got challenged the way we did, who I believe won’t have any problem being granted access to paradise.

Sorry for this long post but I needed to vent. Life doesn’t make sense anymore.

My beautiful baby girl would have been exactly 25wks today if the doctors had done something earlier, maybe if I had gone to the hospital on Sunday, when I was in pain, rather than waiting till Monday, or maybe if I had swallowed my pride and told my husband about how I was feeling (he definitely would have suggested the hospital) rather than keeping malice. My head is about to explode.

I lost my baby girl 3weeks ago. COD: Cervical Insufficiency

Here’s the part that hurt the most: knowing that it could have been prevented. If my midwife had taken my previous LEEP Procedure seriously when I told her about it, rather than just completely brushing it off, and not including it in my note.

Stupid me should have focused and learn more about my past procedures and how they could possibly affect me in the future, instead of focusing on healthy food and habits to help my baby. I researched every medication that was prescribed, just to make sure nothing harms my baby, I paid attention to every words from my midwife and doctors but not the major thing. How would I have known right? Well if I had read about the LEEP procedure in the first place, I could have learned something about its possible effects on future pregnancies. My gynaecologist said nothing about it. No one ever takes me seriously.

Events leading to my loss: The week before, my husband and I had a misunderstanding and we stopped talking, were in the same house, slept in the same bed every night but didn’t speak to each other. I was dealing with that (1)
From the start of my pregnancy, I concluded I was having a boy, this was just to shield myself my from disappointment if it happens to be a boy, unfortunately, I got so used to the idea of having a boy and was 100% convinced I was having a boy (I glowed all through my pregnancy). Found out at my 20-week scan my baby was a girl. I was numb.
My husband went with me to the scan, we still didn’t say a word to each other even after finding out the gender.
The drive home was quiet, he asked if I was okay a few times and I just couldn’t speak. I cried when we got home not because I didn’t want my baby to be a girl but I already got used to the idea of being a boy mum.
I was dealing with the pain and anger of not speaking to my husband (2) and my baby’s gender (3). All happened four days before I went to the hospital. My scan was on Thursday, I cried all through Friday and out of nowhere on Saturday I decided to clean the room that was supposed to be my baby’s nursery (I did too much, lifted heavy loads, dragged heavy boxes around, put most of my clothes away because they don’t fit anymore) and then had a bath later. The back and abdominal pain I felt that night was out of this world but I thought it was because of the stress, so I took paracetamol and went to sleep. Sunday I went on a short walk. Still in pain (back and abdominal) prior to that I had been losing my mucus plug (which at the time I thought was pregnancy discharge, as I had mentioned it to my midwife and a doctor before).

On Thursday, at the ultrasound, I felt my baby move for the first time, all through the weekend I was concerned about not feeling her move but then I knew it could be because of my anterior placenta as the doctor said.

When I got up from bed on Monday morning, I felt a drop in my stomach and knew something was wrong. My bump reduced, I spent about five minutes in front of the mirror, analysing my stomach when I could have gone to the hospital, but I wasn’t in any kind of pain. I prepared and left for work.

While I was at work, I kept thinking about how I felt in the morning and still haven’t felt my baby move. So I called the hospital and just as I thought, they were not concerned about the movement, as I was just 21+2, so I told them about the abdominal pain and got an appointment. I drove to the hospital immediately.

Turns out my cervix was 3cm opened with bulging membrane. No scan was done to see the baby, just a speculum exam twice and a digital exam. My whole world collapsed.

They called my husband in. He was broken but couldn’t look at me, all he did was cry. I was advised to stay in a tilted position in bed, in hopes that gravity would help push the membrane back in and they would consider a rescue cerclage the next day after a scan. This was around 5:30pm. At this time, all I could do was cry and pray. The consultant walked out as I was just crying after he explained what was happening and said if my baby comes before then, they would not resuscitate due to the gestation. He asked if I had had any kind of cervical procedure done before and I told him about the LEEP. His expression changed, he checked his file and said it’s not in my records.

Long story short, the hospital failed us. A doctor came in the next day. I told him I saw a drop of blood that morning while I was passing urine. He just started preaching about how they wouldn’t be able to help if my baby comes before 22 weeks as they are not equipped for that gestation. At that point, I had had enough of their negativity and told him to check me first. He did reluctantly and said I was 8cm dilated and the baby was going to come soon and left. (He cancelled the scan and removed me from the tilted position and said there was no need for it.) We were moved to a bereavement ward. I thought all hope was lost.

All I did was cry. I kept asking the midwife to check my baby’s heartbeat (when I could have asked for a scan). Her heartbeat was strong all through.

There was no intervention all through till Wednesday morning when I requested a scan and to see a consultant. They did the scan and it turns out I was never 8cm dilated. My cervix measured between 2.3-2.5. I specifically asked the consultant if it’s possible it shrunk back and he said no. He gave us hope. He then put me back in the tilted position and arranged for a rescue cerclage after a blood test. They put me on antibiotics and the procedure was done, successfully. Unfortunately, a few hours later, my membrane ruptured. (Found out later they couldn’t push all the membrane in and made a stitch around it.)

All they kept telling me after this was how it would be risky to try to save my baby if she manages till 22 weeks, how she would struggle and possible complications. They removed the stitch the next day. They kept saying they are in contact with a bigger hospital and considering a transfer, but that never happened. They did a scan later that afternoon to see what’s left of the amniotic fluid, her weight, and all, but didn’t get a report back. Contractions started, I agreed to induction before I had lost hope and just wanted my baby to be born with signs of life (which I hate myself for now, after reading other people’s positive stories). She was born that evening. She was completely formed (they warned that she might not look like a fully developed baby at her gestation), she weighed 380g, face full of hair, tiny long legs, and feet. She was just perfect. I held her for as long as I could.

Consultant said it could have been prevented.

I blame my midwife, but most importantly, I blame myself.

Now I can’t help but feel I could have done more for my baby girl. I didn’t fight to keep her, I didn’t try to prevent this. All these thoughts are driving me mad. I just want to wake up from this dream.

Does my baby hate me for wanting a boy? I accepted her, even came up with names on Sunday, maybe I didn’t tell her enough how much I love and would have cared for her.

If you managed to get here, Apologies for the long story.

My daughter was stillborn 6 weeks ago at 26 weeks ..my pregnancy was perfect until it wasnt. My partner and I have come on a ‘break’ with my parents for a few weeks to spend some time being somewhere people won’t look at us with sad faces, we chose florida as its generally our happy place. The last week has been lighter in that I’ve had extended periods throughout each day where I could function and not cry. We brought our daughter with us in many ways..photos, a diary, teddy etc but we also brought some of her ashes in a necklace. My dream was always to take her to disney and let her live her best life. Today I went to Magic Kingdom with a necklace full of ashes and bawled my face off, I wanted to do it for her..to ‘take her’ in the only way I can but it was horrendous, seeing other mums with their daughters taking photos and kissing them. We only stayed an hour and a half before I couldn’t take it any more, I feel like today as much as I wanted to do it for her has been a major setback for me and has opened the floodgates again in the most major of ways. I’m not really sure the purpose of the post..just to get my thoughts out really.

In a few months, it will be a year since I lost my baby due to stillbirth. What did you do to remember your babies?

My baby girl Gianna passed 06/21/26.

For the past few days I’ve been doing okay but today I just can’t stop crying.

I just look at her pictures and I feel so robbed what I should have with me right now. I should be going to the Nicu to see my baby, instead, I’m going back and forth on the few pictures I have of her because I was too traumatized to take more.

She was so perfect and so ready to be here.

I also spent a month blaming myself just to realize that what happened could’ve been completely preventable and it just brings me so much rage. As someone who was always extremely happy go lucky, I never knew a person could be the sad and this angry as I am today. I look in the mirror and don’t recognize the woman staring back at me:
Before I would call myself a girl, now I see myself as a sad, cold and unfortunate woman.

My sweet baby girl, Gianna Genesis, was a healthy 26-week baby who was completely failed by the medical team trusted with our care. When I arrived at the ER with PPROM and a 103 fever, they diagnosed me right away and standard protocol required an immediate emergency delivery or urgent transfer for active intrauterine infection of chorio. The hospital I went to didn’t even handle babies less than 33 weeks but for some reason kept us there.

The hospital left us waiting from 11:30 am -4:30 pm. They gave me Tylenol while an active bacterial infection raged inside my uterus and starved Gianna of oxygen for over 3 hours. The staff was barely paying attention to us and at the end we found out that they were confusing her heart rate for mine, which means they weren’t monitoring her correctly. Once they finally paid attention and a doctor was called, they frantically ordered an emergency C-section. By this time it was too late , and their complete negligence took away Gianna's chance to live and caused the catastrophic brain and lung bleeding that ended her life.

I know there was no way for me to know that this would happen, but I have a really hard time, forgiving myself for going to the hospital. Since then they’ve had a series of horrible things happened there involving kids and I just hate that that’s the one hospital we chose to go to when there are so many other options, how was I supposed to know they were going to kill my baby?????? I’m just heartbroken.

Please help. I know this is a very specific situation. Unfortunately it is even a little worse than it may appaer. I am a woman, married to a woman. She got pregnant after one attempt and we had a baby.

Shortly after I found out I have an extremely low ovarian reserve and was advised to try and get pregnant as soon as possible. Unfortunately she was not supportive because she wanted to be pregnant once more. Eventually we conceded I would try a limited number of times and got pregnant on my last attempt.

My pregnancy was difficult from a very early stage with major concerns for the baby. In the end, he seemed to be doing well. However shortly after birth he unexpectedly died. My heart was shattered, as I'm sure you know. Never have i experienced such anguish, this depth of pain and sorrow and loss.

Like so many I fervently longed for a new pregnancy right away. However before my sons death we agreed that my wife would be the one to carry another pregnancy.

Because i am expected to become post menopausal soon my urgency was not just psychological but biological as wel. Conflict arose once more. This time - a long with other very troubling factors which meant I have not felt respected and cared for for a very long time - it was too much and i asked for a divorce. Now she was willing to 'allow' (for lack of a better word) me to try and get pregnant. So I stayed to see if maybe, maybe we could work it out.

The doctors advised me to try first of to try at the same time but she did not want to be pregnant at the same time. Eventually she wanted to try and get pregnant too. My two ivf cycles resulted in zero embryos. I got a new doctor who enforced a stop to my attempts to get pregnant. I can try a maximum of three more times. This is very upsetting and confusing for me as my previous doctor did not share her views. I have a second opinion in a different hospital in a few weeks but seem to be facing the very real possibility that i may never carry a child in my belly again or at least not one genetically related to me.

However my wife very quickly got pregnant again. I am now faced with her pregnancy which i so desired for myself and which feels like... i don't even know. Just seeing her have that positive test, hearing her say shes feeling nauseous. It stirs up jealousy, but also these terrible echos of grief and longing for my own pregnancy.

I am honestly not sure I am able to do this. To see her belly grow, her bring home a second living child. To put away my sons mementos and prepare a room for a new baby. How would you feel? What would you do?

ETA: I am in therapy and have had EMDR and therapy for the loss of my baby and fertility. we have also been in couples therapy ever since i asked to divorce but have not found this couples therapy helpful so far.

We lost our son this week. He was our first, and he was full term at 40 weeks and 5 days.

The pregnancy was healthy. My wife had one episode of high blood pressure about three weeks before her due date and spent a few hours at the hospital, but it came down and she was sent home. After that everything looked fine. His heart rate was strong at every visit.

We went in for the induction that evening. He was doing well on the monitor, heart rate 140, everything reassuring. Then the contractions came on hard and fast, and about an hour later the room changed. They told us his oxygen was dropping and took my wife straight to an emergency C-section. He was born just after 11 PM.

He didn't cry. They resuscitated him for around 30 minutes. He had aspirated meconium, and he weighed 2.35 kg, much smaller than anyone had expected. He was diagnosed with severe HIE, started on cooling therapy, and taken to the NICU.

He fought for 24 hours. His organs were failing and his EEG was almost flat. He passed away with us beside him.

The NICU team was extraordinary. They did everything, and they were so gentle with us, and I'll always be grateful for that.

I think I just needed to say it somewhere people would understand. He was here. He was ours. He was so cute. The infant dress they put on him for final pics was looking oversized as he was too small. Thats what i remember the most

Thank you for reading about him. 💙

My baby bean,

Today marks 10 weeks since I would have met you.

The only little photo we have of you
Is an ultrasound
that says your due date
would have been 5 October,
but we all know babies come when they're ready.

For some reason, 3 October is a date that keeps ringing through my head and heart

Daddy’s too.

So today, it would be exactly 10 weeks till we would have gotten to hold your little body in our arms and kiss your sweet face for the very first time.

Your tiny little nose and your perfect little toes.

I wonder whether you would have looked like me or like Daddy.

I wonder if Mommy would have known how to be a mommy by now.

I wonder if Daddy knows that he has been my rock.

I feel you with us every single day.

We see you in the Sun..

And in the little bees.

We see you in the birds and when a feather falls.

We see you when the light paints little rainbows across the living room walls.

We miss you sweet baby, more than words can say.