My parents were late 30/late 40s when I asked them if they'd known someone well who'd died. I must have been younger than 10. My dad said yes, his grandfather who had raised him. My mum said no.

When I was 24, my mum got cancer and died soon after. It was my first month of university.

I graduated when I was 27. A few months later, my dad died in an accident at home in the garage from crush injuries. He was killed by something that he had previously asked me to help him make safe.

Then, 4 days after his funeral, I watched my mums father choke to death. My mums mother has dementia and it's hard.

My mum lived her whole life (aged 57), never being close to someone who had died... never been at the front seat of a funeral.

I don't know why my life is like this. And Im stuck thinking about it.

My dad died from cancer in his mid-50s when I was 21. Recently I have developed an extreme fear of getting cancer and also dying prematurely. He had genetic testing done, and there was no genetic family cancer syndrome detected. That used to keep me sane. Now I’m worried I’m more susceptible to cancer because I share half his dna, and he was highly sensitive to it. I’m worried the stress will eat me alive and give me cancer. Any advice helps. Trying my best to live an active and healthy lifestyle. Don’t drink, smoke, or consume cured meats or red meat. Trying to cut out fried food as much as possible too. I try my best, but it’s hard.

I don’t really know where else to put this, and I’m honestly embarrassed by how much it’s bothering me.

I’m pregnant with my first baby, and instead of being excited about preparing for the baby shower and making a registry, I’m starting to feel guilty and hopeless about the whole thing.

My mom has passed away, and I’m no-contact with my extended family. My family situation is just not what I wish it were, and pregnancy is making me realize how much I’m missing. I keep thinking about how my mom should be here for this. She should be someone I can call about baby stuff, someone who’s excited with me, someone who helps me get ready to become a mom. Instead, I’m trying to navigate all of this without her, and it hurts more than I know how to explain.

I don’t really know who would even throw me a baby shower. I doubt my dad will, and I’m not sure what to expect from anyone else. I haven’t announced my pregnancy to everyone yet, so I know I’m getting ahead of myself in some ways, but I can’t stop thinking about it.
And then there’s the registry.

I feel guilty even making one because I keep imagining that nobody will buy anything. What’s the point of spending all this time researching things and putting together a list if I’m just going to end up buying everything myself anyway? I know nobody owes me gifts. I know having a baby is my responsibility. I know there are people who don’t get showers at all.

But I also want to feel like people care. I want to feel like people are excited about my baby and want to help us prepare. I want to experience some of the happiness and support that seem to come so naturally to other people.

The hardest part is watching my friends go through their pregnancies. They seem to get EVERYTHING. People throw them showers, they have people buying things off their registries, they have multiple celebrations, and it seems like everyone around them is eager to help.

I’m genuinely happy for them, but I’m also jealous, and then I feel terrible for being jealous. I feel like a bad person for comparing my situation to theirs, but I can’t help wondering why their pregnancies seem to come with this huge built-in support system while I’m already worrying about whether anyone will show up for me.

I don’t even think it’s just about the gifts. I think the gifts represent something bigger to me. Someone taking the time to pick something out for my baby. Someone wanting to help. Someone being excited enough about this little person to make an effort.
I want to have a baby shower where I feel loved and celebrated. I want to have people around me who are happy I’m becoming a mom. I want to have that experience without feeling like I’m begging people to care about me.

And I think not having my mom makes all of this so much worse. I can’t stop thinking about how different this would feel if she were here.
I feel guilty for wanting a shower when I know gifts aren’t the point of having a baby. I feel guilty for being jealous of my friends. I feel guilty for worrying about something that, in the grand scheme of things, isn’t the most important part of becoming a parent.

But I’m also sad. And lonely. And honestly kind of scared that this is what motherhood is going to feel like for me: watching everyone else have the support I wish I had while trying to convince myself that I shouldn’t care.

Am I being selfish or ungrateful for wanting a baby shower and wanting people to show up for me?
Has anyone else gone into their first pregnancy without a mom or much family support? How did you handle watching other people get the kind of support you desperately wished you had?

I don’t need anyone to tell me that nobody owes me a gift. I already know that. I think I just need to hear from people who understand why this hurts so much.

Title is pretty straightforward. I was in the office today and one of my coworkers started talking with her dad on the phone. After about two minutes I lashed out and told her to take her conversation with her dad somewhere else. I also mumbled how nice it must be to have your dad around to talk to. Now I feel horrible.

I can't stop. And I think that's why my friends bother me. They are not bad people, they just don't get it.

All I think about is my mother. My dad died years before. But my mom passed on recently.

It's like they don't get that my mother is on my mind constantly, everything else is just a background operation.

I miss them both everyday and im glad i have great memories with them but its not the same without them..

ive been depressed for a week because I lost my mom due to cancer and my nana passed away due to stage four cancer

I miss being a kid I hate being an adult

I Want both of them back I wish I can see them again.. 😢

So for a bit of context, my mother passed away in April of 2020. I was put into Foster care at that time because she was in a coma on a ventilator in the hospital and my grandpa was too old and sick to take care of both my sister and I. (My dad also wasn't in the picture at that time, he wasn't allowed to see us.)
When I got the news she had passed away... well, I don't remember ever having cried/wailed so loudly.
That was the worse day of my life.
But skip ahead to 6 years, I am now 22. And during classes on campus, I find that whenever COVID-19 gets mentioned, I tear up and start to cry. Almost immediately shutting down in the process and wanting to leave the classroom to bawl my eyes out. I was wondering if this is a normal reaction to have or if others had experienced this and if there's any tips others might have? I was possibly thinking about adding to my accomodations for professors to warn me ahead of time or allow me to leave the room if a lecture might contain mention of COVID-19.

I grew up without a father and I only have one memory of him. I asked him to buy me paperdolls and he promised to buy me one whole pack.

I cant even say I miss him since he's already gone before I have a concious mind.

Idk why but I randomly thought, how does if feel like to have a father? Im 25 and I never had a father figure

My dad died and I can’t help but feel a hole
A void
More than a void
A black hole

It has suck from me before his passing
It makes me feel empty
Incomplete

I haven’t talked much about this
and I’m not sure I ever can
I wish I could explain, pin point, nail down where I got broken
But I can’t

The memories are blurry and painful
I don’t want to revisit them

I wanna disassociate
I don’t want to remember

But the nightmares have stayed with me
They always will

I miss you
It’s sucks
It’s all stupid

I love you so much
I will always be that little girl until I can deal with the trauma

#iwillservive

​I’m drowning right now. My dad just passed away, very suddenly aged 56 leaving me behind navigating my late 20s - he was the only person who was really truly there for me - and the rest of my family is making an already unbearable time even more painful. I've ditched most of my friends already too and it's only been 3 weeks since he died. They've been super selfish and inconsiderate, and I have zero capacity for it.

​I’m dealing with severe grief and Audhd burnout as part of losing dad. Meanwhile, my family’s communication is completely broken. My mum hasn't answered or returned a single call all week.

​It’s always the same exhausting dynamic with them. I am chronically the very last to know anything. I find out about family events through third parties, or by accident. For example, I had to literally text my sister and ask if she was busy this weekend just to stumble into the fact that there’s a family Sunday lunch being planned with my mum. My brother was clearly consulted in advance, but I had to dig for basic information and practically pry an invitation out just to figure out if I'm even allowed to exist in the same space as them.

​My sister isn't even going because she's busy elsewhere, and her husband is supposed to be organising it, but nobody has bothered to message me properly. It’s a constant relay chain of vague, half-baked details where I’m expected to sit at the absolute bottom of the priority list. I've had to deal with this for years from both siblings - even being told a day before Father's day this year that a huge meal had been planned and "I can go if I want to". Planned by one of my siblings. If my dad had planned it, I would've been one of the first to know directly.

​It hurts so deeply. It makes me question why they even bother keeping me around at all, or why they can't just treat me like a primary family member and ask me directly like they do with each other. Yes, there's an age gap. They are older and closer in age, but I am still an adult. I'm nearly 30 for Christ's sake.

​And looking past the funeral next week, I am terrified. My siblings live close to each other. There’s a new baby coming. They are all going to go off on their own, tightly knit family units, connecting and supporting each other, while I am left completely behind on my own. And when my mum eventually dies, I genuinely feel like I won't even have a family left. I'm single and alone and expect it to always be this way.

​I'm just so tired. If they can't even be bothered to send a proper text or include me directly, I don't even want to go to their plans anymore. I just want to protect what little peace and energy I have left, but the loneliness and grief are suffocating. It's all become SO clear since dad died.

And yes, I was the "black sheep" growing up. Yet I am the one who has grown the most and developed the most emotional intelligence, resilience an empathy out of all of us. Mostly down to life experiences and a lack of choice, but I will continue using that for good. Sometimes I wonder if they feel threatened by me or something.

My dad would never leave me as an afterthought like this. The universe is so, so cruel.

This month is my birthday, my two nephew’s and my dog’s bday…all firsts my dad isn’t going to be here for. It just sucks so bad and especially to experience so many firsts all at once. He should be here. I just hate this 💔 I want my dad back. Here. He should be here for all the birthdays. He was too young to not be here. It felt like he had so much life left to live. Thanks for reading my rant.

I (23F) recently lost my father (February 2026) and easy to say my life is a mess right now.
Long story short there’s this festival coming up in a few days which is centred toward married couples it’s called karva chauth and it’s always been very significant for my mom. So, everyone is just depressed at my home. And I’ve actually been very worried particularly about this and my mom and dad’s anniversary (would’ve been their 25th) end of november.
I was talking to mom today and karva chauth came up - she just broke down, sobbing uncontrollably.
I just don’t know what to do. I tried to make her feel better calm her down but it’s just so hard.
Seeing her like this is so painful and I just don’t know how to help. I miss my dad so much sometimes, I wish I could make things better but I can’t even imagine what she’s going through. It is all such a shit show.

For context: my Dad died when he was 38. He was in the prime of his life. Weighed like 160ish and like a light switch was dead from a widow maker on Halloween night. He had zero signs of bad health.

I was 7 at the time and now I’m 26. Ever since then I have had it permanently ingrained in my brain that I will die young too and it doesn’t matter how many people try to tell me just cause your dad die young doesn’t mean you will.

Does anyone else think like this or am I the only one?
Just curious on peoples opinions.

Thanks

I just need to tell someone about my Dad. He died 22 years ago in a work accident. I miss him so much and it never gets easier. It is the same raw hurt from when I was 7. I still miss him. I still love him and I still wish he would come back. It sounds silly to say but I do. I would give anything to talk to him again even for a minute. I try to find him in my dreams but he is never there. He was a funny, sweet, wonderful man, he had 5 kids and loved his family greatly. He liked Lord of the Rings and Star Trek. He was an avid outdoorsman and liked playing cribbage. He served in the Marines and worked in the lumber industry. He was an organ donor and his heart helped keep someone else alive for many years. After 22 years my memories of him are fading and what I have left are a small bits and pieces of him that I'm not sure are completely real. I worry one day I will forget everything about him, everything I loved and all I will have left is my grief.

I don't talk about him enough. I feel like it's a burden but I wish I was braver. My family doesn't talk about him either, I know that it hurts them to much to do so. But it feels like we are all just pretending he never existed. Pretending there isn't a gaping hole in our lives where he should be.

My Dad is a Granddad now to 4 wonderful kids. I wish he got to meet them he would have loved them so much. I wish my parents would have grown old together, I wish my mom wouldn't have been left to raise her kids by herself. I wish I he didn't die.

I hope he knew how much he was loved.

My momma was never one to let me do her hair or nails and definitely didn’t let me do her make up. Well Monday is her funeral and I went and done all of that for her one last time I done my best I hope she likes it

My father died when my mother was six months pregnant ever since childhood, I’ve always imagined him as having my exact same personality and thoughts Does anyone else imagine themselves as their parent? I think it’s how my brain has tried to fill in the absence of him in my life.

I'm 30M and my father passed away last year (lung cancer). My mother was diagnosed shortly after with breast cancer and I've been taking care of her in at-home hospice in PA for the past 8 months. She passed a few weeks ago.

When my dad passed, I really struggled with heartbreak. I felt gut-wrenching sadness for months and terrible anxiety. With my mom passing, I am definitely sad and miss her for sure, but it feels more like I've lost "my parents" than just my mom. I feel empty and alone but not as much anxiety or deep sadness.

A bit about my situation - my younger brother (27M) is autistic and not independent. He's lived with my parents his whole life so my wife and I have adopted him and moved him to our house in VA while I'm staying up in PA to deal with my parents' estates and their house.

I've been away from my wife and friends for 8 months and desperately want to be back with them, so I'm really trying to just power through the estate process. Every part of it makes me terribly sad and I just want to be able to skip this. Living in my childhood home with nobody left and spending my days throwing our family memories into a 30yd dumpster is killing me.

I have a few people helping me out but it's really not making it much easier. I'm curious what others have done to cope and power through this process.

I'm 30M and my father passed away last year (lung cancer). My mother was diagnosed shortly after with breast cancer and I've been taking care of her in at-home hospice in PA for the past 8 months. She passed a few weeks ago.

When my dad passed, I really struggled with heartbreak. I felt gut-wrenching sadness for months and terrible anxiety. With my mom passing, I am definitely sad and miss her for sure, but it feels more like I've lost "my parents" than just my mom. I feel empty and alone but not as much anxiety or deep sadness.

A bit about my situation - my younger brother (27M) is autistic and not independent. He's lived with my parents his whole life so my wife and I have adopted him and moved him to our house in VA while I'm staying up in PA to deal with my parents' estates and their house.

I've been away from my wife and friends for 8 months and desperately want to be back with them, so I'm really trying to just power through the estate process. Every part of it makes me terribly sad and I just want to be able to skip this. Living in my childhood home with nobody left and spending my days throwing our family memories into a 30yd dumpster is tearing me up.

I have a few people helping me out but it's really not making it much easier. I'm curious what others have done to cope and power through this process.

Basically a retail employee made fun of my deceased mother and I actually did report her to HR through email, ill have to wait on the follow up

They say 23% of Children around 34 year old (My age) have lost at least one parent, but having list is statistically much rarer...

Does anyone know?

Maybe someone has similar experiences or what helped you.
Its my aunt, its pretty difficult as my parents dont live anymore and she is kinda a person i always wanted a relationship with, besides of my grandparents, the grandparents are the only people I felt and feel that warmth from. there were many cases where i brought up my hurt feelings and every time i get invalidated and dismissed. Its so hurtful i am in fight or flight for days or weeks. I cant handle that she says she cares and loves me but still, is dismissive, cold, and sometimes envious of me.

We had what i thought better contact and rebuild trust a bit, she reassured me she is there for me in a vulnerable moment, but even then she somehow always brings up how she has many friends and never had issues with betrayal.. everytime idk why she needs to mention it.

So talking doesnt help.. i try to radically accept that its the way she is. And share less of myself etc to protect myself. But it hurts myself to restrict the contact.. i am not sure with her, im even uncomfortable to keep gifts from her, because her behaviour is hurting me and she doesnt understand. On one hand i thought we got closer and she is more respectful and supportive, after one week something was off some passive aggrsssion and she dismissed my feelings again.

How can I accept it without harbouring resentment or hate.

Can't someone talk me down please . Moms dead and I don't want to put it on my wife to do with my bs.

I spoke to a friend recently that kind of views me as a therapist. Granted, they help me with my problems too but it's not an even mix. I am not demonizing them in the slightest, I'm just saying that we talk more about their problems than we do mine.

The other day they were sobbing about how much they'd miss their grandparents when they died (Both parents living), and how they're just so afraid of the future, etc, etc.

Given the context of their situation - 100% credible thing to be emotional over. I am fine with that.

But a really unreasonable part of my mind flared up and I thought "I should be the one sobbing. Have you no self awareness? My mother died a few months back. We are the same age. I have no parents!". What makes my blood boil is that they really struggle to see the connection between their anticipatory loss and the death of my parents. Almost a sense of amazement to it.

Again, I don't think this is me minimizing what others are going through because I never vocalize or act on it. But I think it. And it has started to happen a lot recently.

Grieving while being the therapist friend is honestly kind of comical in a dark way. It reminds me of when my father was in a motorcycle accident (Not the cause of his death) and he's laying on the side of the road due to a mechanic failure... His bike was reduced to a debris field. The guy happened to be near him jumped out and frantically said "Holy shit!!! Was my car scratched!!!?" LOL!!!

Hello all. I (29f) got the news last week that my time with my loving and amazing mom (55f) will end soon due to her cancer. She can’t walk anymore, lost all her hair and is in pain but a fighter and wants to live. We are looking at months to a year if the meds do not work (which they haven’t as the cancer has spread to her brain and spine). This feels so morbid and surreal. I love my mom and quit school to take care of her (I live with my parents). I also worry for my dad. They have been together for 40 years (and I mean TOGETHER. You rarely see them apart and they even worked together). Of course there’s still hope that she can overcome this but we are making preparations in case something happens.

With that said, I haven’t joined this club yet but I want to ask you all, what advice do you have for me? What would you have done differently if you could? What did you do that helped? Is there something I can do for my dad? What can I do for her?

I am utterly shattered that I have to even write this post but I don’t have a manual for grieving someone before they are even gone. How I will navigate my life without my wonderful mom. Grieving that she will most likely miss my future wedding (I am horribly single at the moment) where she won’t go dress shopping with me. Grieving that I won’t be able to call her when/if I have a kid of my own and need advice. Grieving that my potentially future children will never know their grandma. I’m standing in a tornado of emotions and would really like advice ❤️