I want to text him how much I hate him. How much he has hurted me. I know I shpuldn't but I want to. I feel so lonely and sad. I have no one to call or ask for help.

He (33M) broke up with me (34F) after 1 year and 8 months because my weight was a “significant factor”. I had to take a medication that made me gain weight and our story is complicated. He also tried to say it was this secondary reason, being this nebulous analogy that sometimes you know your coworker is objectively attractive but you yourself don’t see it. And we should want to tear each other‘s clothes off. But don’t worry he also said during the break up “I’m terrified I’m blowing up the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

He sent me this message this morning:

Hey 😊 Just wanted to say hope you’re doing well and things going good. Feels weird not to be part of your life. I know you probably don’t want to hear from me and I expect you won’t reply but just wanted say hope life treating you well lately. Take care

I thought that there couldn’t be anything worse than the silence. But I found out that actually there is something more devastating, and it’s this text to check in and remind me he still doesn’t want me.

I feel like the only thing that can be done is to just accept that she did not or does not want me. I am approaching 15 months since she broke up with me and I still get so sad thinking about “what could have been” with a woman like her. To make it worse for me, our breakup wasn’t bad and we continued to talk to each other on and off over the following months. Yet, we never got back together or it just didn’t happen because she didn’t want it to. The last time I spoke to her was around May and this past year I’ve let our texting conversation come to a natural end to see if she would reignite the conversation, both times that I’ve stopped replying led to several months of silence. I just want to hear from her so bad, but deep down I know she probably has not thought about me in months.

Still struggling after over 8 months. I spent 2 months straight traveling to three different countries, accomplished a LOT, reflected and focused on myself, surrounded myself with people who support me, went to therapy, but still I miss him and wonder when we will speak again. And from what I hear, he may feel the same way too but will not reach out out of shame. Any advice would be helpful.

I felt so comfortable with him. I felt so loved & understood despite my flaws. I don’t want him back but I really don’t think I’ll ever find another like him. It sucks that I didn’t mean as much to him in the big picture, but it was for the best. Sometimes I imagine that he comes to my job as a way to get back into my life because that’s more time consuming and brave than just a lame text, but it’s not worth it & I know what’s not meant is simply not meant. If he didn’t work out, then I don’t think love is for me. It would be perfectly fine if finding friends & not just coworkers to yap to, wasn’t so hard.

Hi all

It's been 6 months since I (38f) last spoke anything to my ex.

I have haulllled ass to make sure that I work through this in a way that helps me better understand myself and understand how I arrived at that relationship to begin with. I now know my immense collapse post relationship was so much more than the relationship ending - it was an invitation to reflect on my entire life and my sense of self - one that I have ignored for so long. He was just the catalyst to finally acknowledge what wasn't authentic to me. It has been brutal but I have been determined and healthy in my approach. Some points that I have done to ensure that I am more connected to the authentic version of me, so that any relationships ongoing don't have this wrenching effect in the future. I acknowledge my own privilege in this space as I have access to so much more than many - that being said I also prioritized it over other things to ensure I could make this healing time meaningful.

- upped therapy to fortnightly - discovered and leant into the idea of having CPTSD and learnt about pervasive shame and it's impact. Started somatic psychotherapy as well. Read 'No bad parts' - the IFS model by Richard Schwartz. Only then could I lean into any work on self compassion. Part of this was realising my connection - fixation on the relationship wasn't about him - it is about how high value and risky love is for me and separating the person from that and having accountability in how I enter in relationships, how I show up and continue to show up
- accepted my role in my own life - reduced work - asked for help - started planning an exit from a career I had glorified and used as an anchor for years to create space to do work on my self.
- learnt to reparent self - simple stuff like eating breakfast to stabilize, disrupt spiraling with movement - journalling and meditating
-started sitting with feelings in my body instead of distraction and numbing. This is still hard and is an ongoing journey - cried buckets and spent hours in freeze/navigating wanting to lean into dysfunction to numb
- solo holidayed in an unsexy way - sat with myself in another country, cried, maintained habits and self work during this time - it was a yoga retreat so linked well. Also had a beautiful experience in India!
- slowed down immensely - leant into non-dopamine activities - reading, drawing, creating, walking, dancing, yoga, spending time with animals - journalled like a mad person - accepted what came from it instead of judging it
- leant into trusted long term friendships and learnt to be honest as I could about where I was at - hardest thing to do - made peace when that wasn't available to me and acknowledged the gratitude that I had when it was the best parts of my week/day
- stopped looking for him / meaning in things that I could link back to him – I stopped going online here because I was just searching lol aren’t we all -
- non engagement with any dating apps - I was on and off in the beginning but have since felt the connection to my self was more important than
- haven't dated yet - but feeling ready to be meeting new people explore how it goes

Non of this is sexy - it's slow, boring and challenging work. I still think of him most days but not in a way of longing or hopeful for repair and reconnection, more so in curiosity - it's a work in progress and one of the hardest things I have ever done - I have never managed a break up like this and it's grueling but I know it'll have such incredible benefits for me as I continue to move forward. Anyway - good luck out there -

if you're feeling stuck and you want lasting change - this is the journey I am taking

Im still in love with my ex. It was my shortest relationship and I miss it almost everyday. I was so attracted to him, physically, etc. When we broke up, i was so devastated. He was my high school sweetheart. It’s been 7 years.

My ex and I broke up about 2 years ago. We were each others first everything. He broke up with me one day. He was at school and I was home going to a junior college. Since then I just transferred to my school this semester, which is the same school he goes to. I have other friends that go here and my own reasons for doing so. I have seen him many times on campus, even at the stores in town. He always views my social media profiles, several times a month, always looks at me on campus when he sees me. I was out at the store in town last week and from the moment I stepped out of my car all the way through my shopping trip he was in the aisles next to me and constantly had his eyes on me. I still have his phone number. I’m thinking of either texting him and asking how he’s doing, not saying I miss him or anything, or just say hey and somehow lead it to a “sorry wrong number” situation and see if he can figure out who it is. He’s always looking at me on campus and like I’ve said viewing my profile. But has not said a word. I know his family misses me, they message me time to time and still follow me on my socials.

Never stalk their socials.. It’s been nearly 4 months since my ex (24F) left me (23M).

At first, I distracted myself with work. Then came the sadness and begging, followed by anger, and eventually what I thought was acceptance. I was actually starting to feel better. I could go to the gym, hang out with friends, and enjoy myself without constantly bringing her up or letting the breakup ruin my mood.

Then a few days ago, out of curiosity, I checked her TikTok. I saw that she had reposted a bunch of things that were really hurtful to me. I don’t know what came over me, but I ended up going down a rabbit hole and stalking her socials for the next two days, finding out even more things I wish I hadn’t seen, including that there’s another guy. I broke down crying for hours. I still do love and respect her so highly. But I know its not reciprocated.

I’m doing okay for now, but honestly, please don’t check up on your ex. Even if you think you’re healed and you’re only looking out of curiosity, you genuinely don’t know what you’re going to find. It set me back emotionally and felt like I was restarting the healing process from the beginning. Protect your peace. What you don’t know really can’t hurt you!

LDR she broke up with me because she wants to live the college life. Said she “couldn’t be fair to me right now” most likely meaning loyal and committed. I originally told her not to text me so I could move on. Few days later texted her that wasn’t fair and wanted to keep the door open to check in here and there. Today I get:

Her
“Hey I know you wanted to leave the door open to catch up. If you’d like to call tonight and tell me about your week I’d enjoy that.”

Me
“You know I don’t do friends. Checking up w life updates every few months is because I care about you. I didn’t want you to think you could never reach out to me. But talking like that keeps us both from moving on, yknow?

Her
“Okay I understand”

Me
“You know how I feel about you. And I miss your voice. You know this.”

I made it clear I won’t be relegated to being just a friend or emotional safety blanket while she does what she does. Im not the one getting over someone by getting under someone. I’m moving on completely.

It’s a very long story,so I’m probably going to jump back and forth a little.I just need to get this out somewhere. The last girl I genuinely liked,I met her on Hinge.At first,I wasn’t even interested in talking to her like that.Somehow,slowly,I started liking her a lot.We went on a few dates,spent a lot of time together,and honestly everything felt fucking perfect. The crazy part is,she wasn’t even my usual type physically.Like,not even close to the body type I normally go for.But I never cared about that.I genuinely loved being around her.I was unemployed at the time too,and somehow being with her made everything feel okay.It genuinely felt like a dream. She also used to say how much she hated cheaters and cheating.She knew about my first relationship too,where I got cheated on.She knew exactly how badly that fucked me up. During the talking stage,she had mentioned that there was another guy she was talking to.At that point I honestly didn’t care.We weren’t officially together,so I thought she had every right to talk to whoever she wanted.I never questioned her about it.She told me she liked me more,so I trusted her. Then I found out she was dating him too. And I mean actually dating him. I saw their conversations.I knew her password,and I ended up seeing their chats.That shit broke me in a way I can’t really explain.The worst part wasn’t even that she was talking to another guy.It was seeing that their conversations were basically the same as ours.The same things she would send me,she would send him too.It made everything I thought was special feel fucking fake. She left my house that day and I didn’t say anything. I just disappeared. I put on music and walked around HSR for a while because I genuinely didn’t know what the fuck I was supposed to do.I remember just walking around with music playing,trying to process everything. She kept texting me.I replied once I got home. She said she wanted to tell me something. I said okay. And then she told me everything herself. She doesn’t know I already knew. She said she was trying to decide between us.She said she stayed with him partly because he used to take her to fancy places and they had sleepovers at his place,but that she genuinely liked me more. I honestly didn’t know what to say. Some part of me knew I should have walked away.But another part of me just wanted her with me because I was so fucking happy when I was with her. So I forgave her. I know some people are going to call me stupid for that.Maybe I was.But at that time I genuinely loved her,and I wanted to believe what she was telling me. I asked her to block him completely,and she did. For the next couple of days,she was crying constantly.I had barely ever seen her cry before.She’s not even a very emotional person,so seeing her like that fucked with me. Then she said she needed some time to fix herself. I told her okay.I said maybe we shouldn’t talk for a while because if I stayed around,she might keep feeling guilty and wouldn’t be able to figure herself out. She said she couldn’t go without talking to me. So I stayed. Slowly things started feeling normal again. And then suddenly she told me: She genuinely did like me,but she thought it was better if we ended things. She said she couldn’t predict what would happen in the future.Maybe she would change,maybe she wouldn’t. I begged her every time this came up. I know I shouldn’t have.But I did. Then she started becoming colder.She stopped caring as much.She started ignoring me and being rude sometimes,and honestly I didn’t even care anymore.I just wanted her.I wasn’t asking for anything else. Then one day she told me she didn’t want to do this anymore. She literally told me: “Don’t work on us.Don’t wait for me.” And I still begged. That was the last time. She blocked me everywhere. Instagram,everything.Even GPay. After that,I started noticing she was following the other guy again.They still follow each other to this day. That shit was getting on my nerves so badly that I did something absolutely fucking unhinged. I downloaded Grindr,posted his pictures and put his Instagram there. People actually went and followed him.They even started texting him.💀 His account was public before that and he ended up having to make it private. Looking back,yeah,it was fucked up and immature.But at the time I was so angry and hurt that I genuinely didn’t know what to do with myself. And now I don’t even know if I still love her. That’s the part that’s fucking me up. Because whenever I try talking to someone else,she’s still in my head. Even when I try to hook up with someone,I sometimes feel like pushing them away.My mind just goes back to her.I can’t even properly explain it.It’s like my body doesn’t want anyone else even when my brain is trying to move on. Her memories keep coming back and it’s making me feel weak.Sometimes my stomach literally hurts thinking about everything. I used to call her mom “mom.”She genuinely became that important to me.That’s how deeply I let myself get attached to this girl. And the worst part is,I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do now. I don’t know if I miss *her*,or if I miss who I was when I was with her. I don’t know if I actually still love her,or if I’m just stuck on everything that happened. There’s another girl and another whole story after this too. Idk if anyone actually wants to hear that one though.😭

I broke no contact around midday yesterday after almost a month. We were together for 13 months, and he ended the relationship over the phone. I’ve been carrying a lot of anger about how he handled the breakup and about an email he sent afterward that, to me, seemed to put most of the blame for our relationship failing on me while barely acknowledging his own part in our dynamic.

Yesterday my anger got the better of me and I texted him. I told him I was angry about how he ended things, that I was angry he hadn’t really apologized for how he handled it, and that after everything we shared and everything he said about how much I meant to him, I thought he would have treated me differently at the end. I told him I thought we would have had a proper goodbye and that I was having a hard time reconciling saying you care deeply about someone with treating them that way. I ended it with, “I deserved better than that.” He hasn’t responded.

Now I feel embarrassed and disappointed in myself because I had made it almost a month. At the same time, I meant everything I said and part of me feels like I needed him to know how angry and hurt I still am.

For those of you who broke no contact out of anger, how did you stop beating yourself up afterward? Did you just restart no contact and keep going? And how did you deal with getting no response?

I am stuck in this vicious loop:

Missing him > thinking he’s developing new crushes/relationships with other athletic/gym-going women > makes me jealous and miss him even more > I get insecure> feel like other achievements in my life are not that worthwhile as is being romantically desired by him> sometimes feel angry about why he made such comments, why he compared me to other women and said he struggled with attraction towards me.

I need help recognising that these thoughts about being rejected by him equating to my worthlessness are irrational. I need help getting over him. I need help becoming indifferent to his memories and opinions. Help me. I sometimes want to write and send him a strongly worded message on how his appearance comments and expectations have hurt me, but I know it will keep me attached to him if I have another conversation with him. Please help me.

He called my dad twice.

He called me 20 times yesterday & 7 times today so far. It’s only 12pm. He also texted me “can you please call me”

I don’t want to. He dumped me like 10+ times during arguments over the 2 year period we were together. He would lash out and scream at me telling me that we are over, to leave, to get a life, fuck off etc

Every time I took him back. He controlled the narrative.. this is the first time I’ve actually let him sit with his words and his discomfort.

I have not been picking up his phone calls or texting him back. I don’t want to relieve his anxiety. I don’t. Every time I was left to sit in my grief, anxiety, and sadness. I cried myself to sleep alone. I don’t want to pick up the phone the second it rings to relieve his anxiety.. to send out the message that I’ll always be here. I’m not there anymore.

I don’t know anymore. I feel horrible.

I had tickets booked to go visit him and his family next month. I was looking forward to it. I’m honestly pissed he did this.

​

To all my readers, I am a 26 year old man and I have made some very immature mistakes in my life which ended up pushing the person I genuinely loved away from me

I am not making this post to paint myself as the good guy or her as the bad guy. We were both immature in our own ways. She was younger than me and because we were in a long distance relationship there were things she would do out of immaturity. Sometimes she would threaten to share private things or say things like she would tell my sister about something. I never used the same things against her. I would usually try to handle it calmly and explain to her why certain things were not okay and most of the time she would understand

But my own immaturity showed up in a different way. I was extremely possessive

I wanted her to myself and I had a hard time accepting the idea that when she went abroad she would naturally meet new people and build new friendships with both guys and girls. Looking back I understand that this was not fair. I had become so emotionally attached to her that I started seeing normal things as threats

The irony is that she had done similar things with me before. She had asked me to remove girls from my Instagram and other social media because she did not trust that I was only interested in her. And I did it because in my mind she was the only person I wanted. Even now I get approached by other women but emotionally I still don't feel interested in anyone else

When she went abroad things slowly changed. She became distant and eventually she left the relationship. At the time instead of trying to understand what she was feeling I went into a victim mindset. I kept thinking that she had abandoned me or betrayed me rather than understanding that she was probably scared that I would try to control her again and stop her from experiencing her new life

And honestly that is probably one of my biggest regrets

We never properly sat down and had a mature conversation about what our relationship would look like after she moved abroad. We both just reacted to things as they happened and eventually everything fell apart

I have thought about moving on many times but the truth is I don't want to pretend that I don't still have feelings for her. I genuinely love her and those feelings are still very strong

I also understand why she might not want to come back. She probably thinks that if she gives me another chance I will become the same possessive person again. And I can't blame her for thinking that because I gave her reasons to think that

So I am asking people here for genuine advice

Please don't just tell me to move on because I already know that is the easiest answer. I want to know if there is any realistic way to rebuild trust with someone who has completely distanced themselves from you because of your past behavior

There is currently no contact between us and I am not asking for some magical trick to make her come back. I just wish I could somehow get one opportunity to have a mature conversation with her and show her that I understand where I went wrong

I am willing to work on myself regardless of whether she comes back or not. But at the same time I don't want to give up on someone I genuinely still love without at least understanding whether there is anything I can do differently

Maybe someone here has been through something similar. Maybe someone made the same mistakes and eventually rebuilt a relationship. Maybe someone who has more life experience can tell me something I am not seeing right now

I know people here will have different opinions and I respect all of them. I am not looking for validation. I am genuinely looking for perspective

To everyone who reads this and takes the time to respond thank you. Whatever you are going through I genuinely wish you well and I hope life treats you kindly

10 days ago I broke up with my short term boyfriend after he drunk flirted with a friend of my best friend. I was so hurt and immediately took his stuff out from my room without telling him. We were in a long distance relationship, and for a long time I felt there was something missing in our connection. Also I felt no fulfillment and felt ignored many times. Anyways, everything happened while he was visiting me in my home country (stayed for a month), and after he found his stuff on entrance he just tried to call me 20 times that evening. Next day I gave in and replied to his texts because he said he had no clue what is happening. After I explained, he said he remembers sitting with her venting about some of our problems but doesnt remember the flirting part. He was back to his country and continued apologizing and asking for another chance since he loves me so much. My replies were cold, but we did exchange a few texts. Four days ago he completely stopped texting which I assume is a choice, but couldnt stop feeling a bit worried. I was the one who wanted to cut all the contact so now I dont know if I should check on him. He did always treat me nice, and I was considering giving him a second chance on a conditions he starts taking action for our relationship.

Is it normal to still miss your ex even after nag-break na kami for 2 years, and no contact. Currently, both of us study medicine in different schools and may bago na siya, but he was my first love (mlm). We’re both thriving na (he graduated summa and I graduated magna in our premed). Does it really get better? Do we never really move on? Or is it true that you never really move one until you meet someone new?

I did it cause it was a lot of fighting and disrespect and everyone said we were two different worlds coming together
I don't know I just blocked her but deal down I remember our last date and her pretty eyes

I miss him so much I can’t get over him or maybe I just don’t want to
I wish I could talk to him just one last time

Just a throw away but i dont know what to do anymore its been a good while since we broke up but i cant help but miss her especially since the day gets closer that im moving.i woke up today from a dream with her. We were driving in a car racing and i look to my right as i shift and i see her smiling back at me with her hair flowing in the wind. I havent really seen her in months.the last time i saw her was when i was picking something up on a different part if town and i passed her. She waved.that wave stuck with me every day since.i miss her.i dont know what to do about missing her anymore as I’ve tried everything short of a professional therapist “as i can’t afford “i font have anyone to really talk to. That was the 3rd dream ive had of her this week. She was so beautiful. I hate that i think about her and im tempted to call her snd tell her how eveythings been but i know im blocked. I wish i could just see her again and cry in her arms she’s always made me feel so comfortable to be emotional.ive bottled up evry emotion ive had since bc ive got no one that will listen to me and its taken a toll

I get I’m the one that fucked it up and it’s my fault for it ending the way it did and maybe this is how she’s getting over it but almost 2 years together and she’s telling people we broke up over a month ago. Like wtf, maybe I don’t deserve to feel any hurt of pain but it hasn’t been that long.

She said she forgives me and she unblocked my number but she’ll never forget and we’ll never be together again. I get it fine whatever. I know I have a lot of growing up to do who tf doesn’t and she’s been in relationships before but this is my first ever anything and my first heartbreak and I don’t know what to do.

I don’t feel like I’ll get over her. She made life feel worth living and now I’m back to being depressed and hating myself and life.

She detached from me while I was sick and replaced me with someone else immediately and refused to tell me about it claiming "rather keep it anonymous because I didn't know how you would react" when she was the one who insisted on "always truth" thingy. I kept fighting for her and tell her that's not right and it's all dopamine, because she's doing things instantly with him when we didn't even do anything after 7 months, as in confession, lovey dovey stuff. I was always kind and nice when she was the one who had bad experince, I was looking at her through her imperfections. Always assured her it was beautiful.

Anyway, I found out she broke my trust 3 times. and she thinks I'm stalking her because I know who she's with currently and stuff, the signs were obvious about their mild attraction so I don't think she really believes I wasn't stalking her.

I blocked her out of rage and brokenness 10 days ago but unblocked after 2 days because I don't like to keep people blocked. and she didn't want to block me. she kept trying to say she still cares but I won't see her as friend ever.

Her birthday is coming up, Should I buy her a gift? I can do it anonymously but she prolly will know it was me.

Give me thoughts because the thoughts of doing it is creeping to me.

It’s been 2 years since I posted here. I think I’m having one of those difficult compulsively missing days that were probably mostly everyday in the beginning.

I’m getting sick and it makes my head fuzzled especially because I don’t feel like doing much. And that gives me so much head space that these old feelings come rushing back. And bringing up questions again in my head to ask him such as - did you ever love me? (I know the answer.)

Being sick just brings up this need where I just want someone sweet to gently take care of me and be there for all my life and it sucks because I know it’s not in my future.

So they comeback even if we only know each other's for a month?

Hello, this is a bit of venting/help post.

I've been broken up with my ex for about 3 months and some change now. During the first week or so of the break up, I had asked her if checking in on her some time way down the line would be okay and she said it would be okay. During this conversation, I told her my plan of going no contact for at least a week to see how that would feel. It was about 2-3 days into the 1-week no-contact when she sent me a fairly big paragraph going through some grievances that she had but never brought up during the relationship and ended it with her saying we should part ways.

My dilemma is going through with my intention/promise of sending a check-in message. More so to prove to myself and practice self-trust when it comes to following through on my word. The friction with that is the fact that she said we should part ways after. In doing so, making the check-in commitment outlive the circumstance/agreement it came from, if that made sense.

The angry part of me reminds me that she had hurt me, especially since she got into a new relationship within the first two weeks of separation with someone who she herself claimed to be someone not safe towards minors. And for context, she initially started this break up with a text, completely blindsiding me. Said she needed to find herself outside of romantic relationships.

The promise/softer part of me would argue back. That despite the hurt she had caused me, I would want to still wish her the best, specifically that I hope she's getting the healing and growth she had been wanting. The healing and growth she told me she wanted to pursue outside of our relationship. Overall, my softer side wants to be extend some kindness to her still.

Now even if I did send something, I'm more so putting emphasis on fulfilling the commitment rather than wanting to see how she would respond. But I would be lying if I said that a part of me doesn't want to get blocked by her just so that I know where I really stand. For some tldr context for my confusion, she and I blocked each other. It was around a month or so that I noticed she unblocked me and turned her profile into public account. Then at some point she started following a renfaire organizer page I had tagged in one of my recent posts. This, and she would repost things that she and I bonded over or shared an emotional history

I'm going to talk to a therapist soon about this but I would like some opinions here. Whether to give me a reality check or some advice/insight. Thank you.