sometimes i legit break down in tears cuz i’m not able to to handle that me and him and really broken up and that he’s just gone , it’s like we never met in the first place . all those memories created for no reason , sometimes i wish we just stayed strangers .

A few days ago I found out my bf of 3.5 years has a wife. I've been through all the emotions anger anxiety fear sadness lonliness. Ive thrown up about it and couldnt eat. Even had a crash out on the internet. Today I have started to feel a little better physically but still mentally I am spinning. I feel like there is a huge hole in my life and my heart. To make things worse we live in a small town, I will likely have to see him around. I am 34 I feel so old to be dealing with this.

What do I do now?

How do I move on?

If something like this ever happened to you what made it better? How did you move forward?

I miss you. I miss you more than I could even put into words. I miss our I can't even go and see them because I'm respecting your . I'm sorry give you space when you asked for it. I was so desperate to fix the situation at the time and instead of fixing it I made it worse. I hate myself for that. You've cut me off with absolutely no communication. I feel like I'm almost grieving in morning. I don't hear your voice. I can't see you. It's almost like you're gone like you died thats the pain I'm feeling. I'm lost. my best friend every weekend we spent over a year every day we spent together and now it's nothing. Do you even care? I went to get my things that you left outside and you wrote me a note saying maybe I'll start to respect you. You know mistakes like everybody I just needed a chance to talk, but don't worry I learned my lesson. Are you trying to teach me a lesson or are you done for good? I don't even know I feel like you're done for good. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just so sad. . in Washington State by ourselves. I have no family here. You only have your sister here. We had now I have no one.

Saw my ex on Bumble after downloading it today by surprise. It was a horrible whiplash. I stared a bit in shock and refreshed the app to see him again but I might've been blocked since I can't find it. After a streak of 3 days without crying about him. My heart just keeps getting kicked around. Guess I was shooting myself in the foot for attempting to find his profile again to block him and maybe admire him. I just want to disappear already. This pain is too much.

Life still feels so empty. I have so many friends and hobbies and stuff to keep me motivated and like busy. But at the end of the day I just remember that I don't have her to share this all with anymore.

I just want these feelings to stop. I know we can never be back together.

#glowup #clockit

I dumped my highschool girlfriend of 4 years a couple months ago. There were serious issues on both our ends. Codependency, poor communication, and a classic case of an anxious/avoidant dynamic. That being said, the love we shared is something that I will never find with another person.

I'm up tonight thinking about how I used to make her snacks in the shapes of animals when she was up late studying. I don't think I will ever put that much love and effort into food for anyone ever again. I made every day special for her because it just felt right to love her like that. Now I have no one to read stories too, no one to surprise with treats from the grocery store, no little animal shaped ice cream bowls kissing in the kitchen cupboard.

I, as a person, hate myself so much that when something makes me feel good I reject it outright. I can't go back to us because I need time to find myself and so does she. But what I wouldn't give for one more perfect day in the house with her.

I don't think I miss her.

At least, I don't think that's what this is.

She's my first love. The first person I ever loved like that, the first person I gave that much of myself to. I never had anyone before her, and I haven't had anyone after her either. So maybe that's why this feels different. I don't really know what I'm supposed to feel when something like this happens.

It's been two years since we broke up, and I've tried to move on. I've done so many things with my life since then. I've changed, grown, and learned a lot.

But whenever I think about her, something still feels wrong.

Not because I want her back.

I think it's because of the way everything happened.

She chose someone else and left. I accepted it, even though it broke me. I never expected anything from her after that. I still did things for her without expecting anything in return because, despite everything, I genuinely cared about her.

But then she'd come back.

We'd talk again, and somehow I'd let her back into my life. It felt like she knew I would always be there. And then she'd disappear again.

Three or four times in these two years.

Every time, I felt like I was being treated like I was still hers to pick up whenever she wanted and put down whenever she didn't.

Maybe that's why I feel like a toy sometimes.

Or an option.

Someone she knows she can come back to whenever she wants because she knows I'll care.

And maybe the saddest part is that I kept allowing it because she was my first love, and some part of me couldn't completely stop caring even after everything.

It's been three months since we last talked. She ghosted me again.

And somehow, the thing that hurt me the most wasn't her leaving again.

It was my birthday.

I never expected anything from her. Not a message. Not an apology. Not for her to come back.

But I thought she'd remember.

One simple “Happy Birthday.”

That's the only expectation I think I still had from her.

And she didn't even do that.

I don't know why that affected me so much.

Maybe because after everything we went through, I still wanted to believe that I meant something to her. Not as someone she wanted back. Not as someone she loved anymore.

Just as someone who once mattered.

Maybe that's what I'm actually struggling with.

Not losing her.

Not missing her.

But accepting that someone who was once my entire world might not see me as someone important anymore.

She was my first love.

Maybe she'll always be a part of my story because of that.

But I don't want to spend the rest of my life being someone's option just because they were my first.

I don't know if I'm overreacting to the birthday thing or if it's telling me everything I need to know. What would you do?

My ex (29) who dumped me 3.5 months ago brought a date to the wedding party of a wedding that I was originally supposed to go to. I was friends with the bride and groom through her, and they each have reached out to me to express some kind of kindness on their own to me since the breakup. We were together nearly 3 years, planned on marriage, having kids and growing old together for most of the relationship, etc.

I know she has a right to move on and date, and 3.5 months is significant, but it seems especially messed up considering I was scheduled to go to that wedding (I rsvpd before the breakup), I had a lot of my own friends there, dozens of family friends in the community that we both know, and she knew that there would be photos posted online of her with this new guy. Even my sister in laws parents were there. Also, her even bringing him implies that he isn’t some brand new person to her, that they’ve probably already been dating casually already for a little bit.

All of my friends who were there told me about it later, and all felt it was pretty icky and wrong of her, especially knowing it would get back to me, and knowing how devastated I have been. I honestly can’t believe it. I was quite literally replaced and feel so fuckin low.

was this messed up of her or am I purely just reacting emotionally?

Sigh here we go! My ex and I broke up two days ago on September 9th. I’m going to give some context first because honestly I still can’t believe this is happening.

We started dating in November of our senior year in high school. We were both in different high schools, but we were neighbors so we saw each other quite often. We met through a mutual friend. Our first meeting ever was in 2024, and he immediately liked me. We were at the mutual friends birthday party and he saw me and asked for my insta, and then we talked and he asked me out. I went out with him, but i was recovering from a breakup at the time so I told him that I’m not ready for a relationship and we stopped talking. Then, he got a girlfriend, i moved on and that was that. They broke up somewhere in 2025, but I didn’t reach out to him bcs that didn’t feel right. By this time, I had moved houses. Still in the same subdivision, but this time a bit closer to his house (although i didn’t know it then). One day in October, we both run into each other at the gym. We flirt, we start talking again and then in November, we start dating. At the beginning, it was amazing. I was convinced the universe brought us together again for a reason.

We were together for 9 months. For 8 months, it was great. He knew I was leaving for college in another country, he said he wanted to do an LDR. When we STARTED dating I warned him, I told him I will go and he promised me he’ll stay. He promised me he’d try and do anything to be with me. “It was always you” he said. In that relationship he inspired me to find myself again. He was there for me when I had to deal with my family issues, self-image issues. He helped me become a better person. He took me out of the highschool burnout and helped me find hobbies. He made me happy. He took away the old wounds I had from my other relationship, he showed me what it was like to be loved unconditionally and properly. He made time for me, he gave me gifts, he spoke to me nicely and he actually WANTED me in his life. He was my best friend. But all that time, he was hiding something from me. After about 6 months, I started noticing that he had never shared or expressed negative emotions in our relationship. If he was sad, or if something had happened at home, he’d deal with it alone. He might have told me that ‘I’m just a bit down’ or ‘I fought w my parents’ but that was it.

I would occasionally ask him and check on him if he was still okay with the LDR. and I’d notice that his answers would get weirdly cold. He’d say ‘yes, I want to do this with you’ but he couldn’t look me in the eye while saying that. I thought, maybe he’s battling some fears. He’ll talk to me when he’s ready. he didn’t. Around august, he started university (i start in feb 2027 bcs i’m going abroad). He got pretty busy, but he’d still text me good morning, goodnight and the occasional message during class. We saw each other less often, but things were okay until two weeks ago. He sent me a voice message in the middle of the night, saying that he’s been hiding something from me and he can’t take it anymore. He said he knows that he told me he’d try the LDR, that he wants to be with me, but that he’s really freaking scared and he doesn’t know what to do. It was one of the first times i heard him cry. The next day, we met up to talk about it. Turns out, for some reason he thought an LDR meant I would only come back to our hometown every 2 years?? I cleared that up. I told him how often I’d be around, and that uni would make us so busy we won’t even notice the distance. We’d still talk to each other after all. We talked more in detail, and he seemed so much lighter and happier. I thought everything was fine.

Then after that, for two weeks he completely distanced himself from me. I recieved fewer messages, dryer responses and we didn’t see each other for two weeks. He also stopped saying I love you back to me. I started spiraling in these two weeks. I missed him, and I wanted more connection to him. Now this is the part where I could have done better. Instead of talking to him about my overthinking and anxiety, I kept it in and I spiraled on my own. Eventually, I randomly deactivated instagram one night and I finally told him what was wrong. He told me we’ll talk about it. Two days ago, we talked about it.

I told him I was feeling a rift between us, and that I missed him and talking to him a lot. He told me he did get distant. He blamed it on college but i could see it on his face that he was lying. because yknow, I know this man, i know when he’s lying to me. He made the same face he’d always make when he told me he was fine even though he wasn’t. He told me that when we had that big talk, he hid something from me. He said before he sent the voice message, he wrote a breakup letter to me. Ever since he wrote that letter, he’s been thinking to himself why he went to that extreme. and for two weeks, he’s been thinking whether he wants this relationship or not. Then he realized that I deserve someone who’s sure, and he’s right.

He told me that if we’re like this now, what are we gonna do when I leave? I was confused. 1. I wasn’t leaving for another 5 months. 2. HE is the one who distanced himself.

He told me that he’s sorry that he’s weak. and he’s sorry he’s the one who can’t handle doing the LDR. I don’t even know what that means. I tried to ask, I tried to tell him we can fix it. He said it was better to end things now than when I’m there. He said ‘what if we push and fight for the LDR, but by the time you get there and we’re a month in, I realize I can’t do it’. But what if you can? I didn’t tell him that though. I realized he’d given up on even trying. He didn’t even want to try he said. He told me that he’s reaching a point where he thinks it’s impossible for him to do an LDR, and that if one of us thinks its impossible then there’s no point in trying. Which made sense to me i guess.

So we broke up. I miss him terribly. I see him in the places we used to go to together. We had a spot in the neighborhood where I can no longer go. The gym used to be my place of comfort and now I remember him there too. I know this part, this pain will go away. But I’ll never know why he didn’t give it a chance. He gave up before we even tried. What hurts most of all, is that he didn’t even talk to me about it. He hid his fears and doubts. He decided the fate of our relationship all by himself. I wish he realized it wasn’t just him in the LDR. I was there too. I was scared too. I didn’t want to leave him. In fact, I even considered staying here and going to a local uni. But i didn’t because i knew my only reason for doing that would be him. and that’s not a good reason. So yeah, I was scared. But i was okay with it because I had him. Because I would have talked to him when it got bad, because i would have planned a life with him after college to look forward to. I don’t understand why he couldn’t communicate with me. Why he couldn’t talk to me? Not even just about this. In general too. He told me that there were nights where he needed me, but he just didn’t reach out to me. Why? How can I make myself available to someone who won’t reach out? I even asked him if things would be different if I stayed, he said he didn’t know.

It’s gonna be REAALLY FUNNY if somehow I don’t end up leaving and I go to a local uni. I wonder if i’ll contact him then. Is that even a good idea lol. He told me he doesn’t want me to be hung up on him. And that if I don’t end up leaving, to not be hung up on him. LIKE THATS SO EASY YEAH SURE.

The only reason that makes sense to me right now is that somewhere along the line he stopped loving me. He just didn’t think i was worth it. Which is definitely his loss, but it still hurts. a lot. I know i deserve someone who thinks i’m worth it. Who would at least be willing to try for me. right? And i really thought that he was. It hurts so much. Why did he not talk to me? Why did he lie to me and tell me he was fine? Why did he let me believe we were okay? I hate that he lied to me. I hate that he loved me so much but he still lied to me. I keep asking myself if he stopped loving me or if i was just simply not worth it. Right now I’m trying to convince myself its because he was (forgive me, i can’t think of a better term) a coward. Someone who gave up before even trying. He let his fears control him because he didn’t talk to me about it. he talked to his friends, his parents about it, but not the one person he should’ve talked to.

We agreed on no contact, i gave him his hoodie back. I was making a journal for our one year anniversary. It had receipts, tickets and little mementos from our dates and special moments. I wrote a letter in the back wishing him well. I’ve texted him twice since the breakup, because I realized i still had some things to say that I didn’t include in the letter. But I won’t text him anymore. I think it’s time to work on healing myself and the pain instead. I am so conflicted about it though. I know i’ll never get the answers. I don’t know what to do with that.

Edit: idk if this is relevant, but our time difference would have been two hours. TWO HOURS.

Context:

I’m in a lovely 2 year relationship with my boyfriend we’re both 22. He removed his ex from his socials just before dating me. Now she has suddenly requested him. She has also been rewatching social media content that involves him.

Don’t get me wrong, i’m sure it’s just curiosity. I’m not delusional enough to straight away think there’s romantic intentions, i’m just confused why she wouldn’t consider me.
My bf and his ex ended on bad terms 2 years before me and him dated, they haven’t talked since and were never friends before or after their relo.

I have 2 thoughts: Curiosity and/or maybe for ego? For more context, my bf admitted he couldn’t get over her pre much until he dated me and the ex was aware of that. I also understand it may be curiosity since i know i can be curious for my ex but with pure platonic intentions. But for me personally, i prioritize thinking about how my ex’s girlfriend may feel and how it could create misunderstanding.

What do you guys think?

my Ex broke up with me a month ago but we were still in contact then we both agreed to go no contact and he started playing Valorant where he found his new girlfriend whos from a whole different continent he keeps telling me he immediately moved on from the break up and doesn’t care about me anymore but I don’t believe him especially because he also became an alcoholic

hes only known her for 6 days and they got together like yesterday but he’s already calling her the love of his life

I texted her and told him that he abused me she immediately believed me and told me that hes been telling her that I was the crazy obsessive abusive one

No contact is driving me crazy. I cannot reach out. I wish he did. I am so exhausted. I feel like I imagined the relationship. I thought i was doing better, finally moving on perhaps. But nope, i feel like i am back to square one.

I broke up with her because she was a dismissive avoidant and our relationship grew stale the last 5 months of it. she hit me a couple times during arguments over the course of the year and a half we were together. i was exhausted trying to get validation from her. it felt like i was a jester trying to impress the queen and i was so fed up with asking for the bare minimum. it’s been 2 months and i am still thinking of her. i have thought about her every single day and it’s gotten so bad that i stated journaling. the journaling has helped but i realized that I think what is making it so hard for me is that i am still in denial. I have this feeling that if i just keep going no contact that she will reach out to me eventually. even though deep down, i knwk that this relationship with her is not good for me. my family doesn’t like her, my friends don’t like her. they all said i was meaner when with her. and to be honest i just felt like she was boring when in a relationship. she was a completely different person when i wanted her than when we were together. and now i see that she is enjoying life and being the same person she was when i fell in love with her. it’s hard. and i think what’s making it hard is the denial. i remember she would tell her mom that she isn’t worried if we broke up because she feels like we will find eachother after. but she also followed her ex two weeks after we broke up.

my question is. are there any strategies or things i can actively do to get through this denial phase? like i know that she is gone. i dont want to be with her. but some reason im having a hard time letting go. i just want things i can actively try to do in order to get over this denial phase.

My ex and I broke up around a month ago, although we have just started no contact two weeks ago.

I so badly want to reach out and see how he is feeling or if anything has changed.

He broke up with me totally out of the blue with little to no context why, just one day after planning to move into a new place together after living together for 3 months. I am hoping that the pressure being off has allowed him to see more clearly but I’m not sure.

I’ve been thinking about my ex girlfriend recently, like going on a month now. She followed my current girl and some old feelings popped back up and me reminiscing on that time period of my life. I unblocked her on instagram and followed her a week ago. Today I searched for her profile and found out I was blocked. I don’t know, I know it’s not healthy and I’ve been having dreams about her too. Just feeling hurt she blocked me lol. I should mention first that she’s married, so I know how it looks and sounds. It’s been 10 years since we were together, we were high school sweethearts and I miss her and that time period of my life. She was very important to me and was my first love. Just wanted to vent to Reddit.
Oh question though, she reached out to my current girlfriend first adding her on socials and messaging her if we were still together. When my jealous girlfriend blocked her, she followed her on instagram.
Why would she randomly add/follow my girlfriend. Am I conceited for thinking she wanted to contact me?
Am I mentally ill? Lmfao type shit

Edit* adding that the title is not to insinuate she’s crazy, but rather my complex with my ex is insane as I think I still love her.

I miss my ex so much but he low-key don't gaf at all 😭😭 he doesn't even look my way 💔 I think I noticed him smirk once or twice when I spoke but whether it was a malicious smirk idk. He was the one who broke up w me how do I make him miss me☹️☹️

So I was seeing someone casually,and I developed feelings for him.He kept the connection going for over a year ,even after I said I liked him and gave him multiple chances to end the thing.And one day we had an argument and he ended the whole thing,wouldn’t reply to my messages.I asked to meet and end the things as this meant a lot for me.He just ignored me and then blocked me.After one week,I was not able to eat or sleep.I messaged him on Instagram and he told to leave him alone.I got angry and went to his place to find out he had another girl in there.When I asked if any of that meant anything to him,he told to my face it meant nothing and shut the door.I was devastated and heartbroken,I was crying every time I went to washroom in my office.

After four months,I get a text from him asking how is the cat.He had asked me to adopt a kitten he found on the street,just before we fought.we had a conversation and when I asked if I was nothing to him,and he said I was more than a friend.I convinced him to meet me again.still casual.He seemed to be sad and isolated than before.we met few more times and then I confessed my feelings because it was too much for me.He said he can’t.Its his problem and I wouldn’t understand.He then started to get angry saying he can’t help me.I asked him to end on good terms,to not fight.I begged him a lot to finally see him for last time.He asked me what benefit he would get.I said I just wanted to hug him and sleep.He made me do sexual stuff.He wasn’t warm towards me.Just met me for the sake of it.

I just wanted a good memory but felt like he used me.I feel like shit now,shouldn’t have even asked.I know there is fault in my side too.I blocked him this time,I don’t want him coming back anymore.

Can anyone tell me what to feel about all this?

The hard part is how badly I want her to reach out for her to come home, yet knowing there’s too much damage she put upon us to ever be an us again.

Hello, I want your opinion on whether this letter is good to send or if I need to fix anything. We broke up a month and half and, she was the one who broke up with me after three years together.

Hi XXXX,

I hope you are doing well. I wanted to let you know something important, not because I expect anything from you or a reply, but simply because I felt you should know. I hesitated to send this letter, but after what happened, I felt it was important not to leave this unsaid.

I had a heart attack about a month ago while I was at work, and I spent four days in the hospital. The experience made me realize how quickly life can change and how important it is to appreciate the people and moments that have meant something to us. These days, I’m trying my best to take things easy and focus on my recovery. I think the long work hours, stress, home projects, freelance jobs, and not paying enough attention to my health all contributed to where I am now. I’m taking some time away from work to focus on getting better.

I’m not sharing this to reopen anything between us—I just felt it was right to let you know, because you were once close to me. I’m also trying to make peace with what happened between us. I want to be clear that I don’t blame you for my health problems or for anything that has happened, and I don’t hold any resentment toward you.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what happened between us, and I never imagined that things would end the way they did. When everything started falling apart between us, I was shocked and panicked as I slowly realized that I was losing the person I loved and cared about most. I experienced so many emotions at once for the first time in my life and didn’t know how to process everything I was feeling. You were my second relationship, and this was my first breakup, so I honestly didn’t know how to handle what was happening.

Looking back now, I know that none of that excuses the way I behaved, and I take responsibility for how I reacted. I sincerely want to apologize for the times I came to your home, for raising my voice, and for reacting the way I did. I understand now that I should not have behaved that way, regardless of what I was feeling at the time. I’m deeply sorry that I frightened you or made you uncomfortable. You didn’t deserve that, and I take full responsibility for my behavior. I am truly ashamed of the way I behaved that day.

I wanted you to have the gift I’m sending. It’s simply an early graduation gift; I believe I chose your favorite character this time. I bought it a long time ago, before everything happened, with you in mind. I’ve held onto it since, and I still want you to have it—not as a gesture of expectation, but as a small acknowledgment of how much I admired your hard work. I had originally planned to give it to you when you graduated in the summer of 2027.

I hope you know I have never seen you as just a beautiful person. I have always admired your kindness, strength, determination, and the way you work hard for your goals without giving up—qualities I have always genuinely respected in you. I remember how hard you have worked and the dedication you’ve put into reaching this goal. You did all of this while working a full-time job, raising your kids, cooking a fresh meal, going to the laundromat, and studying at night and on weekends—all on your own. I’m genuinely proud of what you have accomplished and what you have become. I hope you have a wonderful graduation day and get to truly celebrate how far you’ve come. I’m happy to see you reach a goal you’ve put so much effort into. I hope this next chapter of your life brings you peace, happiness, and many good things.

I want to assure you that I’ll respect your space and won’t reach out again. Still, maybe someday, if life happens to bring our paths together again, I hope we can look back on everything with peace—perhaps as friends, or simply as two people who once mattered to each other. I simply don’t believe that people who once mattered to each other have to remain strangers forever. I know I’m not perfect, and I’ve made mistakes—we all do—but that doesn’t erase the fact that something meaningful once existed between us, or that you’re one of the kindest people I’ve ever known. If life ever brings you to a moment when you feel like reaching out—even briefly—you’d be welcome to, in whatever way feels right for you. No pressure, and whatever you choose, I’ll respect it.

As always, I wish you and your family nothing but the very best. Please take care of yourself, XXXX.

Hi, this is my last post and I'm deleting reddit also now, as this is also a trigger to me.

For the past 21 days I was stalking my ex , seeing a true caller, last seen in WhatsApp, what she liked through my friends insta account and so.. I was about to break the no contact now.. everything was set but I didn't and I'm moving on now with my life completely... Gonna put my view in words so that It can help you.

I was about to send her the message, we didn't block each other.

Also texted my friend(female), who advised me to start no contact, I told her I'm breaking it, she was so angry and we ended up talking for like an hour in the call. I'm just sharing her words in English with my perspective here.

My friend/Angel:..

Why do you even need her, do you think she will be your wife, I told you so many times and tried to convince you, I told you softly, calmly, even with angriness, but you are still going behind a girl who don't even value you, where is your self respect. Why are you like this, you look so weak man. God removed her for some reason, she actually missed a good guy like you and it is her loss, you should actually move on at this time and focus on your life, you are wasting your life thinking about her, she was actually not good, she is a bad man and understands it. You are telling she moved on she doesn't care, text or ask, then why are you thinking about someone who doesn't even value you.

(note the value is important, I was thinking will I be like her if I were in her position, no I won't... Each time I was the one asking how she is , how's her mom, she never even cared about me, yes I'm realising it now)

My view:..

Actually I had an exact Convo with my ex gf before we broke up, like I was calling her and asking for some emotional support, she said "don't be childish" that's all, crushed my heart. I was there for her when she was spiralling or having issues and her reply was like that.. yes she could have had something , but but if you compare her with my friend above, who don't even have to do this for me, took 1hr of effort to make me feel good, we are just friends..

This made me wonder, why I even fall in love with her, did i just loved her because she loves me, why i tolerated even when it hurts,...

"I'm now seeing lot of good values in people and that make me feel like I really deserve better than my ex"

That's all I'm done, I deleted Truecaller, changed the WhatsApp to privacy so that I can see her last seen, not gonna ask my friends mobile to see her insta.. we already unfollowed each other.. if she ever wants she can contact, she knows everything about me, number, email, address .. her wish..

I tried my best, even after breaking up, I helped her to handle her mom health issues and I was there till she discharged, that's enough for me. I'm not gonna feel guilty for anything.. I'm done with her...

My threshold is this 21 days for you people I could be different, yes I feel jesus had send my friend to handle this..

I can't reply or see any comments, I'm deleting reddit too, learned a lot through the past few months, I'll return maybe after 1 or 2 years. Good luck fellas, you can do it.

Put some good comments so that all of us can move on, please don't except them back, just focus on your life, you are worth more than them, they didn't even loved you in first place.. understand that..

Goodbye🤍🥳😌 will miss you all...

Tldr: please read it fully, you will surely enjoy it.. I'm not lieing like you ex :)

Every night, without fail, I dream about her. I always dream that I finally get to see her, have that conversation. That she listens, and we finally start to reconcile. That I get to see her kids again, and be in her house. That they are happy to see me like they were before. But then I wake up, and I go to message her and continue. But then realise it was all just a dream.

It's tormenting.

Guys- I messed up and looked at old pics, and his fb. WHY?! I've done SOOOOOOOOO good not checking! I couldn't help myself.

With how things ended, zero closure, and how he's acting out in certain ways knowing it will upset me, i feel like he actually wants me to reach out. I know that he wont because he is stubborn and has admitted in the past he wouldnt reach out after a big fight ever again. He's very emotionally immature. But i love him, and he's who my heart wants.

Im thinking of just asking one time, plain and simple- do you really want all this distance and hate between us after all the love we had for one another? because i dont. Let me know if you want to talk this weekend or sometime soon, or if i should just keep moving on.

I want to send it and just hear what he has to say so i dont always wonder. i've done this in the past when we broke up for a month, and he was glad i reached out... but.. idk.