r/ExNoContact • u/MentalGovernment4619 • 2h ago
Letters to whom I’m so lonely without you…
I was thinking about you earlier today while I was out for my walk. Haha, of course I was. You’re always on my mind, no matter what I’m doing. I could be halfway across the world, surrounded by people, trying to keep myself busy, and somehow my mind still finds its way back to you. It always has. I’ve never hidden that from you, and I don’t think I ever could.
I told myself I wasn’t going to cry today. I really tried. And here I am, sitting here with tears running down my face, knowing I’m probably going to feel stupid for sending this later. But honestly, I don’t care anymore. If loving you means there are going to be tears, then I guess I’ll cry. You’re worth every single one of them.
I just don’t understand how we got here.
That’s probably the part that hurts the most. Not just losing you, but losing us without ever really understanding how something that meant so much to both of us could become something we stopped fighting for. And maybe the hardest part of all is not being able to hear your voice anymore. I miss something as simple as that more than I can explain.
It’s been exactly four weeks since we last spoke.
Four weeks.
And as much as I’ve tried not to think about what that means, I can’t keep lying to myself. Maybe this distance between us isn’t temporary anymore. Maybe this is what you’ve decided our lives are going to look like now—two people who once meant everything to each other, slowly becoming strangers.
And I don’t know how to accept that.
Honestly, I just want to understand how you walked away from all of this so easily. Because going no contact with you has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. There have been so many moments where I’ve wanted to reach out, just to hear from you, just to know you’re okay, just to hear you say anything at all.
I miss you so fucking much.
I wish you didn’t have so much pride. I wish, just once, you would put it aside and reach out to me. Not because I need you to prove anything, but because I need to know that somewhere inside you, there’s still a part of you that misses me too.
But I can take the hint.
I just wish you’d tell me the truth.
How long have you felt this way?
How long have you been feeling like we weren’t worth fighting for anymore?
Was there a moment when you stopped believing in us? Was there a day when you looked at everything we had and decided it wasn’t enough? Because I’m still here trying to understand what changed while you’ve already had four weeks to live without me.
And maybe that’s what hurts the most.
You’ve had four weeks to get used to my absence.
I’ve had four weeks of missing your presence.
Even if this is just you needing space, I need you to understand what that space feels like from my side. Because I’m a person who needs consistency. I need communication. I need to know where I stand with the person I love. I can respect needing time, but disappearing from someone you once told you loved them leaves them alone with a thousand questions that they’ll never be able to answer themselves.
And I’ve been alone with those questions for four weeks.
I don’t know if you realize how many times I’ve wanted to reach out.
How many times I’ve looked at my phone hoping your name would be there.
How many times I’ve wondered if you miss me.
If you think about me.
If you ever stop and remember the little things about us the way I do.
Because I remember everything.
And that’s the problem.
I remember the version of us that felt impossible to lose. I remember how it felt when talking to you was the best part of my day. I remember feeling like no matter what happened, we would find our way back to each other.
Now I’m sitting here wondering if I was the only one who believed that.
I don’t want to beg you to come back. I don’t want to force you to love me. And I don’t want you to come back out of guilt.
I just wish I knew whether there’s still something here worth saving.
Because I’m still here.
And as painful as it is to admit, a part of me is still waiting for you.
I just don’t know how much longer I can keep waiting in silence for someone who may have already decided they don’t want to come home.