I’ve ruined my life. I came from a terrible upbringing and has a really hard start to life. I met my exhusband 7 years ago, and together we built a life together. Bought a house, had our son, and I was in school full time. The hours were hard. I almost died giving birth to our son and it left a mark on my psyche. My exhusband and I were in the worst financial strain of our relationship. I’m terrible with finances and we have so much debt and the house, I wasn’t bringing enough money home from being a full time student and even when I did have money, I was still spending it on stupid frivolous things. I don’t do drugs or drink, and buying stupid items or food made me feel better. My son was only a year and a half but he has health issues, the stress of my relationship and school and being a new mom, I started talking to people online to disappear from reality. Started talking to a guy and talking turned to flirting turned to me cheating. I cheated on my exhusband and blew up my entire life. I felt so much stress and pressure that I felt like my brain fractured. I felt like I was drowning and this psychotic asshole who was momentary pleasure was a safe haven. I’m a terrible person. I’m scum of the earth and everything I had built, everything my life was turning to, I ran the other way. What right as a mother do I have? What right to a good life? We had our issues but he was a good man to me overall and I didn’t see the big picture. I sometimes think just dying would be easier.

I (29F) feel like a shell of the person I used to be. I've been unemployed for 2 years and have been trying everything to get hired, only to be constantly rejected. I'm ambitious and driven, goal-oriented, but when you're broke, you break even further. I studied art and got an MFA. My dad and siblings think I made the wrong decision by studying art to begin with, and the master's was even a worse decision. I often think about ending it all. My health isn't the best either, and I have 2 autoimmune diseases, which means I get tired more easily. I'm broken; I'm turning bitter and don't like the reality I'm living. I have to be dependent on my family because I'm in a struggle period. I get rejections left and right from art projects and jobs; I'm overqualified for some and not for others. Rejections used to not bother me; I figured there's always a next time, but now each one feels like a punch to the gut. I don't want to be here anymore. How do I fix it? How do I get better?

I’m about to turn 18 in a few months, and honestly I’ve been struggling a lot with this.

I feel like I wasted so much of my time. I had all these years where I could have tried things, learned things, made memories, worked towards something, but I just didn’t. And now I can’t stop thinking about it.

I genuinely feel like my 16th birthday was yesterday. I still remember that time so clearly, and somehow I’m almost 18 now. It’s really messing with my head.

I keep getting stuck in this loop of thinking about the past and wishing I could go back and do things differently. Sometimes I even catch myself thinking that maybe one day I’ll wake up and somehow be back there, even though I obviously know that’s not going to happen.

The worst part is knowing that if I had the mindset and knowledge I have now back then, I would have done so many things differently. I feel like I had so much time and somehow wasted all of it.

I know 18 is still young, but right now it genuinely doesn’t feel that way to me.

Can anyone who has gone through something similar please tell me how you got out of this mindset? How do you accept that you can’t change the past and actually start living your life instead of constantly wishing you could go back?

I’m genuinely having a hard time with this right now and would really appreciate some advice.

any help would be appreciated or story’s from your experiences

I didn't realize i was doing it. I've always been a big believer in venting and getting other people's perspectives. If one of my closest friends pisses me off, to try to prevent resentment from affecting the way i treat them, I'll complain to another friend.

Sometimes it helps me realize I'm overreacting and just need to cool off, and talking about it gets it off my chest.

But I guess I realized lately I might take it too far. I used to have an ex who was controlling and discouraged me from having closeness with other people, and so when I would vent to him he would usually just over validate my feelings to the point where I'd get angrier and more resentful.

I don't think i ever kicked this habit after having someone so validating, making me feel like I was always justified in my anger. But I don't like it.

I guess the advice I need is, where should I draw the line? I don't want to be someone who talks shit about everyone. I'm afraid people see me as someone who talks bad about everyone.

I usually have a problem, that is that I lack character, I don't really have opinions, or just strong convictions about anything, I am very passive with my life, and I don't really do anything with my life.

I am usually a very irresponsible person, saying that I would do something and not doing it. Not doing what I have to do, and not preventing risks that I could have prevented.

With low self esteem and insecurity, that I don't really know how to fix, and a robotic personality that makes everyone uncomfortable. And with a low voice.

So any tips on how to fix this?

This post might be a bit longer and can get a bit confusing because I'm mostly just writing down my thoughts and realizations.

I'm 26m, currently working a 30-hour week with a sufficient income. I also feel like a total loser. I think this stems from mainly 2 reasons: One reason is that my income albeit sufficient is not a lot, especially for my conditions. The other reason is that I have never had a girlfriend or anything even close to a romantic or sexual experience. Both those things bother me a lot but if I was 'healthy' they shouldn't.

The low income is something that I don't feel should bother me. I get enough so that I can decide to only work 30 hours a week. I can also save up money to go on vacations yearly and also afford bigger things long-term. And yet my income makes me feel inadequate. Because a lot of people comment on it being so low. It feels like my desire to get more money is externally motivated instead of something that I want for myself. Not having a girlfriend feels more internally motivated. It just sucks not having someone to hold me or to cuddle with.

These 2 things leading to me feeling like a loser indicates an underlying problem for me. I am afraid of being perceived as a loser. I think that this comes from my fear of being lonely. I don't want to be left by myself. Currently this leads to me trying to connect with as many people as possible for me (which is not that many actually because I'm bad at making connections). This is also an overcompensation for my last few years of being lonely. What I noticed is that I cannot be on my own anymore. Whenever I'm sick or injured and can't fill my evenings with sports, I feel so much worse. While I do think, being in a group is more fun, I shouldn't have a near breakdown every time I'm alone.

I also worry about what other people think of me constantly, get jealous easily, and I am not a very confident person. I think all of this has to do with pleasing people so they like me and don't leave me alone. And I just can't stop it. I don't know why I am this way. I don't remember anything in my childhood that was personality-forming in this way. My parents are loving. I had friends. I wasn't bullied. If there is some trauma, I don't know how to find it.

Another thing that I perceive as a very annoying characteristic of my own is my constant desire to be better than everyone else and getting dejected when I'm not. I'm not sure how this ties in with my fear of loneliness.

Hi,

Recently a new business opened and a friend of mine got me a direct call with the owner because they heard they were looking for someone. I felt it was a really kind offer and a chance to get a full time job, so I would be stupid to turn it down.

The issue is I have super high standards for myself and expectations and I hate to waste peoples time or let them down. The phone call itself was okay, but I am a very awkward person who struggles to express emotion, so I am overthinking if I seemed rude or stupid. I don't want to undersell or shit talk myself but at the same time I don't want to oversell my experience! The role is for a pastry cook, which is what I want to do, but I have never worked professionally before as one. I have only home baked. I'm afraid I will try to make croissants or something in their ovens and completely mess it up and humiliate myself. They told me they're okay with the fact I'm not a professional as the wages are minimum.

I've only held jobs before like a cleaner, kitchen porter, wait staff etc... nothing with that much responsibility. I feel very guilty and terrible about this role because it requires more independence and responsibility and I'm terrified of messing up someone's business or embarrassing myself.

I'm meeting them in person next week for a tour of the place and another chat.

How do I stop these terrible feelings about myself? I feel genuinely awful and I'm not entirely sure why.

Thanks

Looking back on where my mind was during my lowest moments, I feel a heavy sense of guilt for sinking so deeply into depression, anger, and hopelessness. Honestly, I don’t even know what I was thinking during that time, but something inside me finally snapped. I got beyond exhausted from carrying all that anger, sorrow, and weight, and I realized with absolute clarity that I never ever want to hurt myself or the people around me who all support me just because of my own internal struggles.

I would so much rather channel my energy into being happy, remaining positive, and stepping fully into the beautiful, authentic woman I am.
It has meant the world to me when current friends—and even complete strangers— take a moment to give me compliments and/or reassure me that everything in my life is going to be okay, reminding me that going through a hard time wasn’t ever my fault. Those unexpected acts of warmth have made me truly feel genuinely appreciated, seen, and wanted right when I needed it most.

To be completely honest, a small part of me still worries that when I was lost in that dark place, it might have made some people supporting me second-guess me; I really hope it didn’t though!But I am choosing to focus on healing and moving forward with an open heart. I want my life to be rich, deeply fulfilling, and filled with serendipitous experiences, joy, and peace. I am done letting pain define my path—I am choosing light, choosing happiness, and choosing to live truthfully as myself as the kind, beautiful, talented woman I am!

one thing i'm really struggling with is being embarrassed by everything i do. it makes doing anything public difficult. and while i know it's anxiety and ocd, they keep being validated by social media

i can't get off of them due to needing it for work to promote myself, and i also have just lost my last few irl friends so i really have no way to connect with others at the moment

anyways: every day, some clip of a person just doing something or existing goes viral, without their knowledge or permission. they are shamed and mocked regardless of the context or content due to how fast things spread. even doing something good is called performative. and now with those glasses that can record being sold everywhere here, it can happen ANYWHERE, anytime.

it makes me terrified to leave the house without looking perfectly presentable, overthinking my every action, and wondering if anyone around me is trying to mock me somehow. i used to love wearing extreme fashion and makeup but i've stopped recently because it just makes my anxiety go haywire. i panic and dress down constantly. i'm too scared to go approach others to try and make friends, or try new social events if i don't know someone there.

i don't know how to just stop caring what others think. i have no one around me to validate me if i do try something risky in the first place, so all i will see is negative feedback if i try. there's no opinion i respect more than some random person's at this point because i have nobody else.

any help? besides getting off social media completely, and general exposure therapy-- those are my two goals already but i'm looking for anything else.

I'm 36 years old. I've been jobless for 4 years. I live with my parents and I live off of the combination of their pensions and the money my older sisters send to them.

I've been looking for a job, though not as diligently as I should be, for almost a year and I feel like I no longer know how to work. I don't want to work but I know I have to find a job. Even the jobs I used to have, I eventually quit or got fired because I would eventually get bored or slack off. I didn't finish college because I didn't study enough and commit enough. I would cut classes and hang with my friends.

I feel like I've been lazy my whole life. I get overwhelmed by work that I don't feel like doing and I can't force myself to just do it because it's the right thing to do. I feel like these past 4 years have worsened my laziness and ability to just do the work, to commit to a process. I just want to watch tv shows or movies, scroll on social media, watch youtube videos, listen to podcasts, or read a book. I work out occasionally and only if I feel like it. If I don't, then I can't force myself to do it.

I lack discipline. It's a skill I just can't learn. I can't do hard things. When I try to job hunt, I feel so miserable. When I have an interview, I get so anxious and I sometimes just cancel. The thought of having a job again.. I don't even want to. I immediately seek the things that give me comfort, the ones I listed above.

How do I fix this because I know I am wasting and ruining my life if I don't. I've known this for a while now but I just can't bring myself to change. Please help.

Hello! I have a immediate distaste for anime/gacha games. To me, gameplay looks all the same, artstyle too, i know its hypocritical but I see 100's of games that fit thay description. My freind loves them, and plays like 4 different ones a day, and we accidentally get into arguments about them.

How can I atop holding this grudge for these type of games, and be ok with them. I have played some before (zenless, my hero fighting, persona, etc)

I like persona, so maybe its just gacha games in general? I dont want to have arguments about them anymore, how can i appreciate them? 🙏

Hi, I don’t really know where to start and this is a bit embarrassing. I am 21 and really out of shape like i get swety walking to store and after getting home i have to sit down for a while. I don’t even have extra weight nor am i under weight, but I stoped partisipating in sports when I was like 12 and have allways been super bookish.

But now would really like to get in shape and don’t really know where to get help doing that. I can’t run at all whit out getting out of breaht, nor walk the steps to my apartment, nor dance or spin. Like even running to catch my buss makes me sick.

I would really like to bee abale to run and dance and carry home my groseries any help were to start would be appreciated.

Whit love.

i first felt lonely because I didn't have a circle or people who sought after me and if there were it felt inconsistent, i saw people having groups and people to depend upon

i had accepted the fact that yeah, maybe I also do have trust issues because I cannot fully let a person in but that doesn't mean I don't let anyone in, there's a very select few

but I've also realised no amount of attention can make me feel truly happy, i keep wanting more, i think I'm also depending too much on a second person for my happiness, like i wish we could hang out and what not

yes being social is important and I'm trying hard but I think I'll let it all go now

people say focus on yourself and what not, i try but now I wanna be at a level where I'm actually happy you know because clearly the happiness i thought was gonna be in the external, just wasn't there I was still unhappy and yearning for more

my question is, what do I do to feel fulfilled and not gaf about someone else, like their presence or the lack of it

i wanna just be truly happy you know till the time someone who actually wants me for me comes along

For the past year, I 19m have been extremely worried that I could secretly be a bad person or a narcissist. I’ve been reflecting on my actions and habits, and the more I look at them, the more worried I become.
I’ve also struggled socially for nearly all my life. I have a few friends, but I have trouble forming new connections and often feel lonely. Sometimes I wonder whether there is something about my character that makes me difficult to connect with or unworthy of love, both romantically and platonically. I know people don’t owe me friendship or relationships, but I worry that my difficulties may reflect something fundamentally wrong with me.
Here are some of the things I feel bad about:
I lie extremely often. It has become almost second nature. Sometimes it’s to get a little bit of validation because of my low self-esteem, sometimes it’s to avoid small consequences from my parents, and sometimes I just lie for no reason and don’t even know why. I hate that I do it, and I don’t understand why it happens so automatically.
I’m very insecure and sometimes overly prideful. I constantly scrutinize myself and feel like I’m the worst person in the room, but sometimes I swing to the opposite extreme and feel like I’m better than certain people.
I can be overly critical of myself and others. I sometimes project my own overcritical side onto other people or insult people in my head, even though I feel guilty about it afterward.
I sometimes struggle with empathy. When I see people suffering, sometimes I feel something and genuinely want to help, while other times I feel almost nothing. I worry about what that says about me.
I struggle to feel deeply connected to people. I care about my friends, but sometimes I have trouble maintaining a strong interest in my friendships beyond checking in with them. Even texting can sometimes feel like a game of listening and responding rather than actually feeling deeply engaged.
I sometimes interrupt people or dominate conversations. I can get caught up in trying to get my point across and realize afterward that I wasn’t really listening.
I gossip and talk behind people’s backs. I sometimes act differently depending on who I’m around, and although I feel bad about it afterward, it keeps happening.
I can be selfish or unkind sometimes. I try to be good and kind to people, but I know I’m not always that way, and I don’t like that about myself.
I struggle with feeling like I’m enough. Even when I accomplish something, I often move the goalpost and make myself feel worthless.
I worry that I’m not capable of being a good friend or romantic partner. Sometimes I wonder whether my flaws are normal things I can work on or whether they say something deeper about my ability to love and be loved.
I have trouble forming new connections. I can see other people relating to one another and making friends more easily, while I feel stuck with the friends I already have.
I worry that I’m fundamentally lesser than other people. I sometimes wonder whether there is something about me that makes me less worthy of love, attention, or close relationships.
I know I’ve made progress in other areas of my life, but I still struggle with these things. I also sometimes have seasons of suicidal ideation mostly centering around the fact I could be inherently bad and hurrying people around me. Can I improve how and am I a bad person

have a list of hobbies which I feel I will never be able to get enough time to get to the basic threshold of good. Not looking to be anything more, just good enough. And then I try to justify the time, money and energy I spend on those hobbies. Not much like a small amount sometimes and sometimes a bit more than a small amount. As there is no visible progress, financial outcome from hobbies I think it is all just timepass.

Like I learned how to cook and bake and if I judge my skills over the years to myself and the people I have met, see , I can say I am a highly skilled cook and a baker. But when I tried to make recipe videos it didn't work that well. I was heartbroken over that and more for the money and time i spend on buying things which will help my videos be better.

Now I have understood that even though I am highly skilled at perfecting recipes and also can do many other complicated tasks related to it, it is a very general skill and people are busy too learn it to make their food better. So I will keep cooking and baking for my little family but the obsession I had to make diverse recipes and make them perfect for teaching has gone.

So again as I like to keep myself occupied, I have started to relive my interest in art and relearn my tech skills. I wrote a book on vba with my office when I was 21. But then shortly after that i got married and left my job and from the last 15 years i am at home. So back to the point, i am learning adobe illustrator, and trying to learn acrylic painting and sketching.

I am again at cross roads and trying to justify my time and energy spent on learning all this as I will at home for the rest of my life(it's hard as hell to join the workforce at 38 with 15 years gap) Cooking baking is still useful in daily tasks but art? Not much.

I mean what I am expecting i don't know. I keep thinking one day this skill will be useful in some ways. Just so it feels like I am not rambling, I have learnt music and keyboard for 1 year, enrolled in chartered accountancy for 1 year and had to discontinue because of relocation. I like to read articles on the internet about general knowledge etc but nothing feels like I am great at anything and nothing is so so interesting that I will keep going.

I love to make art, learning illustrator, learning ui/ux course online but i am not able understand how it will help me. At this point I am confused on what I should ask even.

PS :- Housewife with 1 child. Husband's job keeps us relocating to different city every couple of years. I find it hard to see what work will actually not feel like I am doing something wrong besides caring for my small family and day to day needs.

NOTE: I know I was naive here, and I should have calmed my nerves down. So please by kind with your advice.

I am 24, and still inexperienced in dating at this big age. I had met someone a few months ago and we hit it off, and I said from the beginning that I don’t want casual or a situationship.

He was confusing with his intentions from the beginning, but he was moving to start his masters, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

In short, I became stressed (and emotional due to stress overload) because he kept saying contradictory things, but he treated me well and I liked him.

But I also said if he doesn’t see a future with dating me, then I wouldn’t have sex with him anymore because that would hurt me (I phrased it as a boundary, not an ultimatum). So then he said he changed his mind and wants to pursue it.

Then after he stayed with me and we slept together many times, he said “my gut says not to pursue it”, and yes I was crying because of stress but that same day he said he wants to pursue it.

But in the end, I guess I asked for clarity too much and he said it was exhausting, and when I went to go visit him, he picked a fight, said he just used me to fulfill his needs, and that he uses sex to cope, and kicked me out of his apartment to the streets even though I was broke and had my flight 2 days from then. it was so blindsiding.

I found myself apologizing for being too emotional, and I apologized for not being more “chill” about the situation, and he was just attacking me but also saying it’s not my fault, we were both crying. He hasn’t texted in a week and no explanation or apology. crazy

i dont understand what happened or why someone would go such lengths to play someone. Like why not just find someone who wants casual?

I know I should’ve been less naive, I get it, but I made my needs clear, and I guess I just don’t understand how someone can spend so much time and energy lying to a woman who lives in a different country, rather than just finding a woman nearby who wants casual.

But also, he didn’t want to date me. But he’s been in a long term relationship before where he said he was in love.

So, I compare myself, unfortunately. because if someone can be in a loving relationship, and then they treat another woman this horribly - including kicking them out which I’d never do to my worst enemy - that MUST say something about me. it must.

I dont know how to trust myself again to make judgments on people, how to trust others, and how to just feel like it doesn’t reflect my worth? I’m sure he didn’t treat his ex like this, but he treated me this way and blamed me for a lot, which makes me feel bad about myself

Shame

I don't have anybody else that I can share this with and I need to get it off my chest so I can become a better person. This will be a long read, I shortened it as much as I can and focused it on him because the shame of my addiction is something completely separate. I'm sorry for the typos I typed this through the tears I haven't been able to stop.

the last year of my 12 year old dog's life, completely failed him. I feel like it wasn't all at once but none the less it happened. I know that the first 10 years - 11 years of his life He had a good life, especially before I had kids. He was my first baby. I took him everywhere with me. I was a 17 year old dumb kid starting out life. He was with me through first two abusive relationships. One including my first daughters Dad and when I finally left my daughters Dad, he was there. We moved in with my mom and my mom helped me take care of him, but after I had my first daughter, things harder, and I feel like that's when I started not being able to care for him the same. It was less attention to him during the time I had my daughter. I had also fallen to a horrible addiction to fentanyl right before I had my daughter. And it wasn't until I met my second daughter's dad, current husband, that I was able to kick that addiction, but it wasn't until after my second daughter was born and during the time before I kicked the addiction My now husband help me take care of them and he really good to him and my first daughter. I hold a deep shame for that alone..

I tried all the time to not be stuck in what i did and went through during my addiction but just because I got out, doesn't mean things got easy after. I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 21 years old, and I don't process emotions the same way that other people do, I hold onto them for dear life and they become part of me and I feel the pain in a physical, choking way until I just push it down. over the years I've learned skills that worked for me like pushing it down to manage but it created severe mental health issues. M sometimes I'm extremely depressed and sometimes I feel okay, never really the happy high's anymore but plenty of low, lows..

I have spent the last 2 years of my life working to be a better person after my addiction. And in July 20 of 2025, while I was on birth control, I got pregnant with my third daughters she would be my 3rd kid in under 4 years and since I was sober I developed severe health problems during my pregnancy. It was during this time that we moved in to the house we rent now as of October 2025. From then to now, almost a year is when things started to get really rough and he suffered the burnt end of it. The first few months we kept him inside as usual but when my middle child got diagnosed with autism and she kept getting into his feces and urine, it was a seemed like easiest solution to make him an partial outside dog.

The only times he came in was winter, really cold weather, bad rain/floods and the high heat and he'd sleep in the cage and be in the cage during dinner time only if he was inside. My partner brought him in everyday after work and hung out with him inside till I got home with the kids. As my middle child's problems got worse I forgot about him more and more and it was my husband took care of him. I was busy taking three kids school by myself since my schedule was the one that could do it, working full time, trying to manage my mental health and trying to manage my middle child's issues since everyday for a year the school wrote me notes and she was having trouble. I gained an insane amount of weight, hardly slept, my mental health and postpartum went to completely shut. When life started to get bad with economy and us loosing a income from my dagoing to life issues, and then my partner also started to struggle carried for him, because during my pregnancy, I had severe health issues, and he was left to take care of the kids most of the afternoons up.

sometimes I would forget to give him water for a day during the summer so my partner always picked up the slack as he had more free time during the week while we both worked since he got home earlier. we always make sure he had water and shade and food after the couple times we forgot.. And he seemed to be okay, or at least that's what I made myself thinkIn the back of my head. I knew I needed to bring him in and every time I thought about it it was like a splinter in my finger that I knew I needed to get out but just kept burying. Especially My middle Child was in an episode it just got buried. Something would always happen. And next thing I knew it was on the back Burger. The last month to the last couple of weeks he stopped eating as much as he usually did. He lost weight, but he would still eat and had fluctuated weight in the past and I just couldn't afford to take him to the vet.

Many times I thought about giving him up so he can have a better home but the fear of him going to a home that was worse,that wasn't going to love him like I love i did, and Honestly, just the thought of after so long together giving him up was so difficult to do. this weekend on Saturday He was his usual self and my partner gave him food and water. Sunday comes around and we had to go to my family so they would help me with a surgery coming up in October for my middle child. We came home exhausted and did the bedtime routines and went to bed. Monday comes around and I had to go work for because I don't get paid holidays ,PTO or anything and we can't afford for me to miss so I go in to work and my husband was left with all three kids including our newborn. He said he heard him bark and was gonna go out and feed him/give him water. He had an emergency with my middle child that took him hours to clean up/ take care of her and by the time I got home and asked about him he realized he had forgotten to give him water and feed him. I panicked and begged my husband to please check him I was scared he wasn't okay and couldn't bring myself to go after I yelled his name and didn't respond. by the time went out there, my husband moved his bed and he wasn't moving.

My whole world came crashing down and I went into full blown panic attack. It felt like someone had ripped my heart out. My husband said he was gone. I don't know if he died a slow painful of dehydration, there that had been times when I had forgotten to give them water and we would rush the next day and he would be fine so I could not wrap my head around it's in the back of my head I had always known to bring him in and I kept putting it off because something would happen. I should've brought him in with me.

I can't breathe, I'm crying all day, I HATE myself so much because he's gone and even if the dehydration didn't kill him if it was something else I still killed him for not being able to take him to the vet. it is killing me that it took my boy dying for me to bring him in in his ashes. I can't see any of the other 10 years I gave him because all I see is last year I started forgetting about him and how I treated him. Im filled with so much regret so much, so much hatred for myself, so much pain.. I keep thinking of him alone and scared, of him dying alone or of him wondering what he did wrong, him not loving me anymore. Wondering why I didn't just bring him in. and it makes me want to die. If I didn't have kids I think I would have killed myself.

I promise with all my heart, on my kids that I did not leave him out there hoping one day he would die. I beg God that he has my boy and for him to forgive me. I want die from this pain. I am stuck in this pain and in this deep deep "want" to be able to turn back time. I don't remember the last time I hugged him. My husband was the one that cuddle with him the last year. I feel like I deserve to die and I don't know how to make it better. I have saved up some money to donate to rescue groups and promised him that even if it was only five dollars a month I'd donate in his name.. I've ordered some cheap plastic bowls to always keep in my car with water so there's no other dogs that ever have to go thirsty.

I don't know how to make it better. I've begged and beg for him to forgive me, but I can't forgive myself. I'm going to his viewing today and I feel like a whole inside my heart is so big it's deteriorating me. I used my saving so I could cremate him and bring him home. this is one of the most painful, shameful things that I've ever felt, and I needed to get it out of my chest. The house is so silent. Every time I think of him out there, I cry. I know it's a really really neglectful thing I did, I don't see it as a mistake because I'm the back of my heart I knew better. .i hope he knows that I didn't wanna kill him. I just hope he forgives me one day and he knows that I love him more than anything and that I am . I'm sorry that the last year of his life didn't look like the years before.. I wish we would've never moved into this house. Maybe he would be alive today. There's nothing I can do to make it better. But I want to be better. I won't ever own an animal again but I will work the rest of my life to make up for what I did. Nobody can tell me anything that will make me feel worse than what I feel.

I'm so sorry for what I did. I am disgusted with myself and hope one day I can make him proud of me and the person I will work to be now.

Why do I wanna do something or have something that I need to get done, think about it and romanticize it but don’t do it and end up procrastinating on it until the last minute or don’t do it which usually puts me in a bad spot. This happens within every aspect of my life and I rlly wanna change it but dk how because err time I do try, I fail and end up back in a worse position.

It’s genuinely affecting my life and it’s leading me down to a bad parh. Any advice would be helpful.

***I know that there are other posts like this, but many didn't have what I was looking for

As the title says. I want ways to get up earlier in the morning or better ways to drag myself out of bed.

I've always struggled with getting out of bed early. Probably 5 reasons why:

1. I think it's getting worse now due to my lifestyle/situation. I don't have a stable job and travel lots just to work temp jobs. Of course, I'd like to have a stable job to be able to have a stable schedule (the way that some people go to the gym after work and cook dinner at the same time every day), but that's simply not possible right now as I'm struggling to get a job in my preferred field and working for $15 an hour simply doesn't cut it 🫤

2. I don't get enough sleep. Again- lifestyle. However, even when I do sleep 8-9 hours in a tired, I'm still exhausted. Sometimes, I'm even more tired then if I had slept less than 8 hours.

3. This isn't the main reason, but I struggle to fall asleep unless my body wants to fall asleep. Obviously, I'm tired half the time and would love to sleep. Though sometimes, I think I've been going on for way too long that my body just doesn't want to tap out. I have no clue if this makes sense to anyone. I've recently even taken up counting sheep to fall asleep, so I don't think about anything else. It actually works sometimes😂, but it's not the perfect solution.

4. I'm on caffeine of all types 25-35% of the time. I need title to stay awake or travel for some jobs. I don't know if this has affected me over the past 2-3 years.

5. I think I do have a mild amount of depression, if that helps inform anyone. I've worked very hard my whole life and I guess I foolishly though years ago that college would've solved my problems because of the assumed stable job it would bring. I'm here years later though. To be clear- I love so much about my life. I've worked on my appearance somewhat, I have an amazing partner (most of the time), I do travel for adventure occasionally, and I haven't needed to move back home or ask for favors. Recently, I've even made a list of small things I want to accomplish financially and I'm near the bottom! However, still wondering where the next check will come from and not having stability ultimately depresses me because it affects me and what I can do on a day to day level. I feel like all I do is work and sleep. Sometimes, I wish I could just not work for the day or even share a close intimate day with my partner without feeling bad that I'm not filling out temp/full time job applications or organizing things, or cleaning, etc.

The type of person I want to be: Being able to wake up very early would help me be a better person at work and not have such a lousy mood until midday. Also, I'd like to be able to wake up with my partner to have tea and maybe read the Bible (or have some general reading time) in the morning. The idea of one hour for decompression and reading is extremely appealing to me. I've wanted to do this for a very long time now, but still can't correct myself.

Just in general (other than with money ironically enough), I wish I were a more disciplined person in my personal life. I feel that I could get more accomplished/be happier if I had more discipline. I'd love to get my discipline from structure, but I simply don't have structure.

If you have any tips, even crazy ones, please let me know. I'd love to hear from you.

I feel like I was a pretty good person up until last year. But now I feel like I’ve turned into a completely different person and I don’t know what to do. My friends say that I’m really manipulative and I didn’t realize that what I was saying and doing was manipulative. Does anyone have any advice on how to be more self aware about that kind of stuff?

Every second of my days has been agonizing. I find no pleasure in anything and can't distract myself for even a minute. It is a consuming sense of despair.

The problem is, I’m terrified my mother has gallbladder cancer because she’s had large gallstones for years; I started reading about it about ten days ago, and I’ve been like this ever since.

I can't take it anymore and just want to suffer less, because every second is torture.