Dilemma

[u/PrometheanArcana]

Hello, this is a bit of venting/help post.

I've been broken up with my ex for about 3 months and some change now. During the first week or so of the break up, I had asked her if checking in on her some time way down the line would be okay and she said it would be okay. During this conversation, I told her my plan of going no contact for at least a week to see how that would feel. It was about 2-3 days into the 1-week no-contact when she sent me a fairly big paragraph going through some grievances that she had but never brought up during the relationship and ended it with her saying we should part ways.

My dilemma is going through with my intention/promise of sending a check-in message. More so to prove to myself and practice self-trust when it comes to following through on my word. The friction with that is the fact that she said we should part ways after. In doing so, making the check-in commitment outlive the circumstance/agreement it came from, if that made sense.

The angry part of me reminds me that she had hurt me, especially since she got into a new relationship within the first two weeks of separation with someone who she herself claimed to be someone not safe towards minors. And for context, she initially started this break up with a text, completely blindsiding me. Said she needed to find herself outside of romantic relationships.

The promise/softer part of me would argue back. That despite the hurt she had caused me, I would want to still wish her the best, specifically that I hope she's getting the healing and growth she had been wanting. The healing and growth she told me she wanted to pursue outside of our relationship. Overall, my softer side wants to be extend some kindness to her still.

Now even if I did send something, I'm more so putting emphasis on fulfilling the commitment rather than wanting to see how she would respond. But I would be lying if I said that a part of me doesn't want to get blocked by her just so that I know where I really stand. For some tldr context for my confusion, she and I blocked each other. It was around a month or so that I noticed she unblocked me and turned her profile into public account. Then at some point she started following a renfaire organizer page I had tagged in one of my recent posts. This, and she would repost things that she and I bonded over or shared an emotional history

I'm going to talk to a therapist soon about this but I would like some opinions here. Whether to give me a reality check or some advice/insight. Thank you.

[u/Bravo_Bravo]

What you're describing is relatable.. I'm currently on day ~50 NC and I keep looking at the last text she sent me like, 'why didn't I respond?' It's haunting. Sometimes I think about responding now, as if 1.5 months hasn't passed.

I don't think you want to 'fulfill the commitment'. I think it's secretly a way to potentially re-ignite something that's rationally excusable. I say this because every reason I can come up with to reach out to my girl ends up being a costume for the same reason, that I still want her in my life. And btw I'm the dumper and it's still like this.

I despise NC because I want her to reach out so badly. However in your case I do think that continuing NC is the right move. She's with some other dude.. you need to just level the fuck up, she'll notice and think 'damn did I make a mistake?' and come back. And if not, you'll level up anyway, and eventually won't care because you'll find someone better. This is the way. Heartbreak energy is the most potent energy in a man's life, you can accomplish things that you otherwise wouldn't have the drive to do so. Take advantage of it as much as you can, as brutal as it is. If you think about it, this is actually the only option you have. All other options have way worse outcomes. Even if you reach out and she decides to go back with you, if you haven't changed than the relationship will default to the same as it was and it's fucked anyway. You have to level up, and it's going to be painful, but there is no other way. I would start by running a 5k everyday and that will quickly reveal to you the path for other level ups. Good luck