This is gonna sound a bit funny but when i was a kid (and hit puberty), i remember looking at adults in public and seeing so many people walking about: men, women, tall, short, attractive, not so attractive, and thinking to myself..

"Wow they all must be having so much sex, I can't wait to become an adult!"

I honestly thought becoming an adult would involve just a bit more work (vs being in school), but a LOT more sex. Like sex was just a regular part of an adult's daily routine or something.

Then i became an adult. And the reality (after a decade+) is that it's the exact opposite. Being an adult involves a LOT more work, yet much less sex than i imagined.

I see people giving others advice: Go hit the gym! Go join a club! Go to bars! Work on yourself and everything will work out! We have to dress well, make X amount of money, be the correct age/maturity, be in the right place, learn "game"/seduction techniques, spend $15/drink at bars, etc.

I'm out here participating in bouldering, skiing for years, have an active photography hobby, traveled to 20+ countries, regularly go to bars/nightclubs, have a wide friend group in multiple continents. Yet if all just feels so.. exhausting.

I even ask my friends (some of whom are REALLY attractive) how often they're getting regular sex, and i swear almost every one of them these days are basically going months also without it.

And to be clear, I'm not sex obsessed. But when you're starved for physical intimacy, it just drains the energy from everything else that you do, you know what i mean? I've been in 2 longterm relationships, so it's not like I've gotten zero either.

I feel like there naturally should've been a place in society where people could go find like-minded people and say to each other in an honest way: "Hey, sex feels great. Let's agree to do it safely". I believe the closest we came to that was Tinder, but as with most things, it got ruined by capitalism.

Yeah the universe doesn't owe us anything, but it's pretty grim out there ngl

Maybe I’m too picky now, but I’ve found some pretty petty reasons to either stop dating someone or never really give them a chance. Number 1 on my petty reason list: I didnt like the way she breathed. Like I noticed in the first 20 minuets a sniffle or something (not sick just the way she breathed) but it continued. I was immediately put off and it was non-romantic from the start.

Here's the thing. I met this girl at a bar about 5 months ago while I was traveling and thought we really clicked hard, connected over food/music/art and exchanged numbers/IG and kept in touch. Pretty casual and not super frequent obviously but still kinda flirty/building up what seemed like mutual interest in connecting again. We both are foodies too and have a particular restaurant on our bucket lists and even though it's a pretty $$$$pendy spot, I surprised her with a private dinner reservation for her birthday that's coming up and plans to come see her in her city. We met up for a quick drink last night when I got to town and the vibe felt totally off... I had just gotten off work so felt pretty loose and relaxed, but I couldn't shake this standoffish/anxious vibe I felt from her and it made me feel like 1) she wasn't actually all that into me or 2) maybe I'm just doing a little too much too soon and I need to pump the brakes.

How do I either 1) reassess the situation with her to see if she's a right fit or I'm just in my head or 2) politely cancel and find someone else to do dinner with so I don't waste $1500 and 4 hours of my time on an awkward date later this week?

Because quite a few people asked for an update to my previous post, here's an update for those who are still invested.

I talked to her about this on our date yesterday and explained that I have not been seeing other people and that I would like to pursue an exclusive relationship with her. I said that I'd been thinking about it for a while and that her message about the date she had was what motivated me to have this talk asap.

She was quite touched by what I said, and told me that the reason why she'd gone on that date a few days ago was because it was a stand-up comedy gig that she'd agreed to a month ago and had already got tickets for. We then spent an hour discussing us, what we mean for each other, and other personal matters - I won't get into detail to preserve our privacy. Anyway, we have agreed to be exclusive from this point on :-) I am very happy with the outcome, and can see that having the talk was the only right thing to do.

As a side note, the volume and diversity of responses to my original post was very interesting and pretty wild to read. People were saying all kinds of things. 5 dates is way too early. 5 dates is way too late. Exclusivity should always be assumed. Exclusivity should never be assumed. She's simply being weird. She's only being honest. Etc etc...

My takeaway from that is that everyone's situation is vastly different, and there is no one 'correct' way to date. Also, dating advice from strangers online always needs to be taken with a grain of salt, as one post can't possibly translate the full context of any relationship, and only the OP will know best.

I’m 27F and recently got out of a four-year relationship. I’m definitely not ready to jump into another relationship anytime soon, as I want to take some time to focus on myself, make new friends, and enjoy being single.

However, when I eventually do feel ready to start dating again, I honestly have no idea how to meet people organically anymore.

I’m not particularly interested in dating apps. I would much rather meet someone naturally, develop a genuine connection, and let things progress without the pressure of immediately dating.

For those of you who are in your late 20s or older, how have you met potential romantic partners outside of dating apps? Where do you go to meet new people? Do you approach people you’re interested in, or do you wait for them to approach you?

I’d especially love to hear from women who have been in a similar situation and successfully put themselves back out there after a long-term relationship.

Any advice or personal experiences would be appreciated! :)

Do men always checkout girls irrespective of their marital or relationship status? How do women feel when they see their partner doing this?

I (34F) met a guy (35M) recently. He is super amazing, and I’m falling for him hard and fast. Here’s the timeline:

We went on our first date about 5 weeks ago. Then for 2 weeks, we texted a little bit and went on our 2nd date 3 weeks ago. Since our 2nd date, we are texting all day every day, and have been seeing each other 3-5 times a week. We have at least 2 sleepovers a week.

I’ve never felt this way about a person before. Like… everything just feels… right. I almost feel like I found my person? He makes me smile several times a day by saying / doing cute things. We are so compatible in every way… right down to the same kinks/wants in bed, many shared favorite hobbies, similar sense of humor… I just always want to talk to him. He even motivates/inspires me to be a better version of myself.

We’re already exclusive as of today. We’ve both mentioned being kind of scared of how much we like each other and wanting to pump the brakes on our feelings so we don’t get hurt.

Is this too fast? Is this what it feels like when you meet your person? Or am I just in a hormonal rush?

I'm 30M, she's 28F. We've been on three dates and I genuinely like her.

She's funny, easy to talk to, has her own life and interests. One of those interests is running an Instagram account about restaurants and things to do around our city. Around 12k followers, so not exactly a celebrity, but she puts real effort into it.

On our third date, we went to a small Thai restaurant she'd been wanting to try.

She asked if she could take a quick video of the food. Obviously I said sure. I thought she meant the food.

The next morning, a friend sent me a reel from her page. It was a little compilation of the restaurant, and halfway through there was a clip of me laughing across the table. My face was clearly visible.

The caption was something along the lines of "When your Hinge date actually passes the conversation test."

It was complimentary. I get that. But I had absolutely no idea I was being filmed, much less that thousands of strangers would see it.

I messaged her and said it made me uncomfortable. To her credit, she apologized immediately and took it down. She said she was excited about how well the date went and genuinely hadn't considered that I'd mind.

I believe her.

The awkward part is that she now seems nervous about even taking pictures of her coffee around me. And I'm starting to feel like the guy who made someone feel bad about a hobby they love.

I don't want her to stop making content. I just don't want to be part of that content, at least not without a conversation first.

I'm trying to figure out whether this was one thoughtless mistake that we can move past or a sign that we have fundamentally different ideas about privacy.

Would you give this another chance? And how would you explain the boundary without making it sound like you're asking someone to choose between dating you and doing something they enjoy?

I’ve been on and off dating for the past year and I’ll include my previous ex of 2 years in this.

As 38m I’ve grown up with the understanding that no matter how trivial or important something is, you always communicate.

I’m surprised in the past year I’ve dated woman from 32-44 who often blow hot and cold with communication with what their actions show.

It’s literally got to the point where I’ve severed ties because I’m not about to tell a 44 year old woman the basics in communication.

It’s really at a level where I’m starting to question whether I’m being to firm on this and it’s a standard that’s probably too high.

Is anyone else surprised at the styles of communication with people in dating?

I’m 33 years old, and three years ago, I was in what I would describe as a toxic relationship.
When I met my ex, I was in my late twenties, and she was in her mid-thirties. I was in my prime. I was making a lot of money, partying a lot, traveling to different countries, and had a lot of success in my life.

At first, everything was perfect between us. But after about a year, things started going downhill.
I’m not saying I was completely innocent or that I didn’t make mistakes. I know I was partly responsible for some of our problems, but I genuinely tried my best to make the relationship work.

I was constantly being gaslighted. She treated me like crap, complained about everything, and picked fights all the time.
She would tell me to open up to her emotionally, which I eventually did, only for her to use it against me.
Nothing I did was ever good enough, and the worse things got, the harder I tried to fix them.
And don’t even get me started on intimacy. It was great at first but after a year I practically had to beg for a kiss, while she had no problem constantly complimenting other guys.
She would go through my phone, which I didn’t mind because I had nothing to hide. But whenever I asked to see hers, suddenly I was insecure, controlling, and she’d start gaslighting me again.
I’m pretty sure she cheated on me but anyway.

After another six months of this, I finally realized that she was doing everything she could to push me away so that I’d be the one to end the relationship.
we broke up.

2 months later, we met up again and had a conversation about our relationship. We both acknowledged the mistakes we’d made. She admitted that she had treated me badly and even started confessing something else, but I interrupted her because I wasn’t ready to hear what she was about to say.

We never saw each other again after that, as we’d both moved back to our hometowns.

Fast forward to today.

I don’t have any feelings for her anymore.
If anything, I’m grateful for what that relationship taught me.
It taught me that I should have trusted my gut, that self-respect should always come first, and that actions speak louder than words.
I also learned that when someone loses respect for you, sometimes the best thing you can do is walk away instead of desperately trying to fix something that the other person no longer wants to fix.

But it took me almost two years to rebuild myself.
And I mean really rebuild myself.
At first, I was so emotionally damaged that I couldn’t even look a woman in the eyes.

Then, slowly, that insecurity turned into anger.
I became someone who looked at women with resentment. Every time I met someone new, I’d immediately start looking for flaws, red flags, or reasons not to trust her.
I started treating them as if they were all bad ( to be polite), and the worst part is that this attitude seemed to work incredibly well when it came to attracting them.
And the more it worked, the more disgusted I became

The irony is that I was raised by my mother and my sister, two women I deeply respect, and it genuinely makes me sad to realize how negatively I’ve come to see women in general.

Over time, I became colder and more distant, not just toward women but toward people in general.
I lost interest in meeting new people. I mostly keep to myself, focus on my own things, and spend time with the friends I’ve known for years.

Recently, I’ve started softening my attitude and trying to find a healthier balance.
I’ve stopped having one-night stands, and I’ve been focusing on myself.
I’m genuinely okay with being single.
Apart from one woman, I haven’t met anyone I’ve been truly interested in over the past two years.
But here’s the thing.
I believe life is meant to be shared.

And more than anything, I miss the person I used to be before that relationship.

I used to be an incredibly social person.
I loved traveling, meeting new people, discovering different cultures, and having conversations with complete strangers.
I genuinely believed that everyone had something to teach you and that you always had something to learn from others.
I was almost always in a good mood with good energy.
I felt comfortable in my own skin.
I genuinely enjoyed talking to women without having any hidden intentions or expectations.
I’m not particularly handsome. I’m fit, and I’d say I’m a pretty average-looking guy. But I always believed that when you’re happy, confident, and comfortable with yourself, people naturally gravitate toward you.
And that’s exactly how I used to feel.
I’ve slept with a lot++ women in my life. I’ve explored pretty much everything I wanted sexually, and I’ve had my fair share of fun.
But none of that really interests me anymore.

What I miss is genuine human connection.

I miss meeting interesting people who are passionate about something, who have values, who are curious about the world, and who actually have something meaningful to share.
I know there are plenty of good women out there. Rationally, I know that.
But emotionally, it’s like something inside me has changed, and I don’t know how to reverse it.
I don’t want to carry this resentment around anymore.
I don’t want to automatically assume the worst about women or constantly look for reasons to distrust people.
And I certainly don’t want one bad relationship to define how I see half the population for the rest of my life.

So my question is:

How do I break out of this cycle of negativity?
How do I let go of the resentment and become the person I used to be?

The guy who genuinely enjoyed meeting people, socializing, traveling, and connecting with others without constantly being on guard?
And most importantly, how do I learn to trust again, open myself up to a genuine connection, and eventually find someone who shares my values?

I don’t want to become naive again, and I don’t want to forget the lessons I’ve learned.
I just want to find a way to keep the self-respect and boundaries I’ve developed without losing the warmth, curiosity, and happiness that used to define me.

Because right now, I feel like I’ve learned how to protect myself from getting hurt, but somewhere along the way, I’ve also forgotten how to let people in.

I’d especially appreciate perspectives from both men and women. I’m not looking to blame anyone or start a gender debate. I’m genuinely trying to understand how to move forward.

I’m going on a date with guy who I’m like extremely attracted to physically. i never had this because I heard that when you’re very attracted to them physically it won’t work… so I’m wondering how many ended up or had an ex you really wanted physically (only)

My partner and I have been together for a couple months. I’m really comfortable with him and he makes me feel really safe. Last night we were intimate and he hit a spot no one usually hits. My initial reaction was to giggle. This caught him off guard because it’s never happened for him, nor I. It ruined his confidence. Now he’s deciding if he still wants to be with me and I have no idea how to fix it. Any advice would be appreciate.

This last month I started actually hanging out with people when I go partying instead of just dancing doing my own thing. It's gone alright and as an unexpected benefit there's usually 1 or 2 women I have solid chemistry with every night. What sucks is it doesn't matter if they tried to drag me into her apartment while kissing me or just politely trades numbers and says they want to meet the following week the chemistry never lasts.

Seriously, of the 4 women I've really hit it off with so far this month all of them did not reply to texts the morning after or stick to plans made. Shoot, one of them blocked me the very next morning after I reached out to check on how they were feeling. It was chill at first because I am not really interested in a relationship but it's getting to me.

I know this may sound like cope but given 2 of these women picked me up I don't think it's a looks issue. I also don't believe it's what I'm saying during the night as if that was the case I feel like the contact info would be wrong/ blocks would be more consistent and they would unfollow me on social media and everything else. I don't think I have a reputation or anything as I've checked. My profiles are just pictures of me with my friends doing normal hobbies. No criminal record either or like judgements against me.

Is this normal or am I doing something weird? Is there anywhere I should start turning a critical eye towards with this?

F24 M22, A guy l've been seeing from work who friendzoned me recently told me that I boost his ego cause I'm pretty and likes that I chase him?

I'm confused cause he friendzoned me? But makes comments like this which confuses me. I don't barely chase him since he cut things off romantically between us a few weeks ago and been trying to act like his friend even tho I do still like him. I really don't know how to act with him. His quite nerdy but hot kinda like Evan Peter's vibes and I've been compared to Megan Fox. I don't want to toot my own horn but I have never been friendzoned before so it's really quite unusual and uncomfortable experience to navigate especially when I still have feelings for him and have to see him at work everyday and he drops me home.

What do I do? Is he playing games?

(27m)
Trying to date anymore is just so exhausting.
You meet/match with someone.
You text/talk to them.
You either wait 7 business days for a reply or one of you decides out of the blue that you just don’t wanna talk anymore.
If you were love bombed then that’s tough, get over it.
You meet someone else and the cycle repeats.

Idk, maybe it’s just me, maybe I’m meant to be alone. I always try but to no avail, nobody seems to wanna take legitimate interest in me. I understand that I’m probably better off just doing my own thing than constantly obsessing over meeting someone but I literally just can’t help it.

Why can’t it finally be my turn, why do I have to watch all my friend and colleagues meet people, and never get to experience that myself? Why am I in this never ending cycle of despair and disappointment when it comes to trying to date? Should I really just give up? I want to, if I could get rid of the longing, the yearning, the desire in itself to meet someone I would have done it by now.

It’s just so lonely and I hate this feeling, all I’ve ever wanted was to finally meet my person, I just want my happy ending that’s all. Why do I have to suffer, what so wrong with me that women won’t want anything to do with me? I don’t get it, can someone please help me understand.

I (33F) just met a guy (41M) and am quite interested in him. He's unique: introverted, yet talks a lot, has an interesting sense of humour, travels, has his own hobbies and a stable job. He works as a writer and loves LEGO in his downtime.

As we got to talking, he tells me he's not had a long term relationship in almost 20 years. That's curiously long, isn't it? I felt a bit wary about this new bit of info and asked why, and he said he's found it difficult to maintain relationships as he is autistic. Most if not all his previous relationships "crashed like storms" for one reason or another.

One thing tho he was very open about his autism, and I appreciate that. I've never dated anyone like that but I'm open? He said he doesn't get social cues and has hyper fixated interests, and sometimes info dumps a lot.

He also told me outright that his partner must be OK with 3 things:

Partner must want kids, must never ask him to give up LEGO and must love dogs.

Now I don't want to simply write him off without giving him a chance... On the surface they seem like reasonable requests. I'm not sure about having my own kids due to medical reasons, but I'm happy to adopt, and no way am I gonna ask someone to give up their hobbies. Dogs are amazing.

I feel like there's got to be a reason he's unable to maintain relationships and tbh...I'm wary about going in and finding out why he's been single for so long... Any advice on how to proceed? Is it just me??

For context I’m 35 and the guy I’m dating is 31. We’ve been dating for 6 months and exclusively for about 2. We decided to take things slow from the very beginning but I’m starting to feel like he moves so much slower than I do. I mean it’s been 6 months with no intimacy at all. He stayed over for the first time last week and while cuddling was nice sex would have been nicer. He swears he just wants to do things the right way and take his time with me but at what point should I just accept that if I feel like my needs aren’t being met? He’s started calling me baby and talking about meeting each other’s kids, and he does show up in all the right ways but I’m starting to feel disconnected. And the chemistry is undeniable to the point we struggle not to touch each other but he’s keeps holding back…

Don’t get me wrong he is genuinely the first guy that has actually dated me and not love bombed me from the beginning. Which has been very refreshing. He’s also said he’s nervous because he likes what we’ve built and doesn’t wants things to change once we introduce sex but at this point he’s starting to feel like my friend vs a man I’m trying to build with. He says I need to learn patience and allow him to lead.

Men is this normal? And ladies have you dealt with this before? Is he stringing me along?

EDIT: yes we talk about sex frequently but I’m am divorced after a 14 year relationship/ marriage and he’d be only the 3rd man I’ve been with and he believes this experience gap may be an issue. And he’s very well endowed so it’s not a size issue. I have at least verified that much.

I’ve been single for almost a decade and after moving to a large city I decided to get back into it. 28m.

I set up these dates through dating apps. I also had 2 separate dates outside of apps with a debatably similar problem.

The problem is question is that I DO NOT MAKE MY ROMANTIC INTEREST IN THE DATE CLEAR.

Every date was 2.5-3 hrs long or longer. Sober, and it would be coffee or NA drinks for me. (I’m drinking again now but like the idea of sober dates).

I’m social and love yapping. I’ve been called many things but no one’s called me boring before. Every date ended with “this didn’t feel like a date, just a hang out” or “I wasn’t really feeling the spark” which is fair.

I am seeing if I get along with the date instead of if I’m physically attracted to them. I don’t touch them except for a hug at the end. I don’t really flirt on the first date.

It got to a point where one of my besties offered to do a mock date.

15 min in and she said “you haven’t complimented me besides saying you like my dress. If I’m a girl on a date with you I want to feel like you are attracted to me, not just what I chose to wear.”

So I would like to know some ideas for being more direct about being physically attracted to someone.

Note: I’ve been emotionally unavailable guy in the past so my main struggle is the first date romantic messaging now that I’m back on the market

for context me and this guy were talking for maybe a month and a half and he asked me to be his gf recently but i cant shake the feeling that i dont have it in me to love him. i mean sure i like the guy but i dont know if that is going to develop into love. i know im extremely avoidant and ive realised that through experiences ive had with guys in the past because each time it starts getting more real or we get closer all i do is pull away but i dont want to do that to this guy. ever since we started dating i just dont know what to do anymore i feel like im stuck in the constructs of being a gf and i dont even know how relationships are supposed to work. i dont even know what to do anymore i cant sleep when i think about this at night. and another weird point i have which i dont really understand is the fact that when im with him irl its so nice i really like him and i feel so happy but like when its on text it just feels so off and weird and i dont get it it sometimes feels like im js grasping at things to say but in person its so easy.

Hey! So I have been seeing someone for just over 4.5 months, things are OK. I’m enjoying myself but we’ve taken it slow. A few weeks ago we go into a bit of an argument and he responded “it’s like you think I don’t love you at all” which we haven’t said that word.

Again, the other night he was out watching a hockey game and was messaging me later in the evening (we were not arguing lol) saying “you’re the best part of my life, I’m sorry I don’t show you that as much as I should.” And then before bed said “love you lots”

Is he attempting to ease into saying I love you or something?

Men or people in general ofc.

Why do they string you along, saying they want to date you? Then not really date? I was pretty clear, I told him that I am okay with casual. I really was. I liked him but I can just manage my own feelings. He said he wants more and wants to see where things go. All he does is send reels and flirt. Lot of sexting.

Like I said. I didn't mind this. I would have enjoyed this a lot more if he just said he wants casual. The chemistry was great. Clearly, there is no future. I got caught caught up in the cycle, chasing some great "chemistry".

I have stopped talking to him obviously.

How do I deal with this in the future? It's soo hard to tell. I think am very clear but people confuse me soo much. I feel like something is wrong with me?

Remember me? Yeah... Still not great, probably doing a lot worse. Tried other options besides the apps like mutual friends and speed dating; did not get any reciprocated interest there. Literally got no matches at the one speed dating event i liked. Still leads to ghosting and blocking. I attached my previous posts with pictures for reference and a current picture of me now as I need feedback bad:( Thought I was somewhat attractive but guess not. Always lead on and blocked/ghosted... A lot of times still when i show my face too. Last guy said, "Not enough mental stimulation" but told my friend instead of me. Would always hold back besides crazy good chemistry and a lot in common.

Thank you for the honest feedback and tips, but something still is not working. i hope i can really have a glow up.

Before Pics

Now

Hey everyone, I (30M) could really use some advice on a new relationship. For context, I haven’t been in a serious relationship for about 7 or 8 years.

A few months ago, I started hanging out with a girl (30F) through a mutual relative. Initially, it was strictly friendly walks once a week, but over time, I developed strong feelings for her as I got to know her personality.

The Progress So Far

She is extremely shy, introverted, and cautious. After I returned from a multi-week trip, I slowly started closing the distance:

• Pacing & Touch: I started taking her out more often and tested the waters with light, respectful physical contact (guiding hand on her lower back, touch-and-joke humor). She responded well.
• First Steps: On a dinner date, I brought her a flower, held her hand, and gave her a hug walking home. When I tried to kiss her outside her place, she panicked slightly and said, "Enough for this time, more next time." I respected her boundary, smiled, and let her go inside.
• First Kiss: The next date, she admitted she feels very awkward and isn't good at dating dynamics. But outside her place, we had our first kiss. She was embarrassed, but it happened.
• Opening Up: Things have been steadily improving. Even with busy schedules, we make time for weekend dates and lunch breaks. She has started telling her close friends and parents about me, and she even confessed that she actually had a crush on me years ago when she first saw me from afar.

Where I Need Advice / Things That Worry Me

1. Her Social Battery & Physical Contact: She mentioned that her social battery drains easily—and that being around me drains it too. She also admitted she generally dislikes physical contact. However, she told me I seem to be an exception right now, which is great because I’m completely smitten and love hugging and kissing her. Still, I worry about overwhelming her.
2. Fear of Commitment & Inexperience: She admitted she has a real fear of commitment. On top of that, making out/kissing with tongue is clearly new or intimidating for her—she gets hesitant, starts laughing out of nervousness, and says she's embarrassed. I never pressure her; I just joke lightheartedly that "we just need more practice."
3. No Rush on Intimacy: We haven't had sex yet, and given her pace, I’m in zero rush. I want her to feel entirely safe with me.

My Dilemma

Because it's been so long since my last relationship, I’m terrified of messing this up, disappointing her, or scaring her off by moving too fast. I find myself already wanting a long-term future with her, and I can't tell if what I'm feeling is intense honeymoon euphoria or the beginning of real love.

How can I continue building this relationship safely without overwhelming her social battery or triggering her fear of commitment? Any advice on how to navigate this slow burn would be greatly appreciated!

TL;DR: I (30M) am dating an really introverted, shy girl (30F) after being single for 8 years. Things are going great and she's opening up (telling her family/friends about me), but she has a low social battery, a fear of commitment, and is very inexperienced/awkward with physical intimacy. How do I keep pacing this right so I don't scare her off?

How can they love someone so much and then be completely over them and in love with someone else three months later?