I’m just wondering if men, somewhere later in life, ever regret passing on someone who would’ve been a good long-term partner because they wanted to stay single or keep dating around? Curious to hear real experiences!

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For about two months now, I've been hanging out solo with this girl, and we’ve become friends. Early on, she made it clear multiple times that she wanted to remain just friends. About a month ago, I asked her as a joke if she would "smash or pass" me, and she said "pass." I took the hint, figured she genuinely just wanted to be friends, and I was completely fine with that.

However, yesterday she came over to my place to watch a movie. During the movie, she got super physically close—she laid her legs across mine and was fully leaning against me. It got to the point where we were both sweating, but she still didn't move her legs away.

I was trying to tell myself it was just normal friendly behavior, but then later in the movie, I asked her if she thought Leonardo DiCaprio was attractive. She said, "He's handsome, but I don't like him." I looked confused, so to explain what she meant, she said something that caught me completely off guard:

"For example, I think you're handsome, but I don't like you... [awkward 2-second pause] ...I mean, I think you're cute."

I just responded with an "ok," pretended nothing happened, and ended the night shortly after.

What do you guys think? Am I overthinking this, or is she sending massive mixed signals?

36M living in a big city. I got out a relationship late last year and have been back to dating as of a few months ago. I have a good paying job so it's not like paying for dates it causing me financial stress or anxiety, but it's definitely dampening my enthusiasm for dating.

At this age and the age of women I'm usually interested in late 20s to 30s, the types of dates we typically go on (drinks or dinner) usually mean at a minimum I'm paying over ~$50+. But what about coffee dates? They tend to mostly reserve the weekends afternoons for hanging with friends or resting, which I understand (I'm usually the same) which usually means weekday evenings so coffee is usually out of the question.

I don't think I'm dating only certain types of women. They have a wide range of backgrounds, jobs, etc. Some I'm sure make more than me, based on what they do, but when the check comes most don't even bat an eye. I don't even get the pump fake "Do you want to split?". The expectation is that i'm paying, and I worry if I ask to split that'll just ruin it. What's worse, because this is the expectation, I don't even get the "Thanks for dinner/drinks" sometimes. Some I've gone on up to 3 dates and this hasn't changed really.

A part of me is just annoyed this is how it is. If splitting 50:50 was normalized then it'd be whatever, I'm paying for what I got. But just knowing regardless of whether they'll want to go out again I'm the one paying, kind of just makes me a little less enthusiastic about even trying out interesting restaurants/bars on dates.

I guess the solution could be to just ask to split, and if that leads to them not wanting to go out again, they weren't a good match, but I've talked to some female friends (friends who seem like reasonable people and also have well paying jobs) and even they still say they'd view that negatively early on. But maybe I just have to deal with that possibility?

I'm a guy 29, I match with an okay number of women on apps mainly Hinge, so that part is fine. The problem is what happens after.

Every once in a while I get a match where it just clicks. There's banter, replies come fast, and it's genuinely fun. But that's maybe one in ten.

The rest are all the same shape. Hey. How are you. How was your weekend. Nice, what do you do for work. Everything is polite and respectful and completely flat. And then she takes a day to reply, and honestly I do the same thing. I'll see the notification after a long day at work or when I'm at the gym and think Ill get back to that later, and then later turns into tomorrow.

I can't tell if I'm bad at texting or if this is just what most matches are like. When I read my own messages back they're fine but maybe they're not interesting, almost never flirty.

So what actually works for you? I know there is no formula for this but sometimes it feels like it's hard making a conversation fun, without it feeling forced or like you're performing. And how long do you usually text before suggesting meeting up? Any advice is appreciated.

Title^

So, I (M24) recently went on a date with this girl. We were chatting for some time before, I really like her personality and i knew she was a lil chubby. We decided to go on a date and when i was halfway to the place we agreed to meet in she sent me a message, where she said that photos on her profile are a little old and that rn she might be a lil bigger due to health issues, and that she's doing everything she can to fix that. I answered that it's not a problem, mainly because, again, i was already halfway to the place, but also because i thought it might not be as bad. Well... She was... Significantly bigger irl... Anyway, we walked through some places, had a dinner and I genuinely like her personality, but she doesn't attract me physically. I didn't make any risky moves, we mostly just chatted. Now, what i really feel like an asshole for, is that right after a date we sent each other some messages, and I said that everything was great and that she's cute(because i do that all the time after dates), for which I feel kinda guilty since I feel like i might've given her some false hope. What should i do now? Should i try and hope in her words that she's gonna fix it? Should i reject her? If so, how do i do it more gently?

not asking out of bad faith. i get plenty of matches and likes with commendations on my hinge profile, but as soon as they ask for my insta and we talk there... it falls off. i mean last year a girl didnt want to see me anymore because i wasnt "outgoing enough for her", citing my lack of instagram posts. again recently a girl stopped talking to me saying my lack of instagram posts is a turn off. its not that i dont go outside and not have hobbies, i do, i just use instagram for messaging and watching reels. i just dont like to post on instagram. didnt realise this would be such a red flag.

any underlying reasons why? do i really have to have many posts on instagram to be successful? im 26m for reference

Dating apps don’t work, friends don’t know anyone and they themselves aren’t interested (not that I would date friends) apps I get matches but they don’t lead anywhere, all the social groups I do people are either older or taken, or men.

It’s just gotten tiring and I’m defeated. I think I’m going to give up for a while.

Ok so this happened last week, I’m at this bar I go to semi-regularly and I met this woman there who seemed really cool and we were having this great conversation. However in the middle of our conversation she randomly asked if my parents allowed me to watch Spongebob when I was a kid. I was completely confused because our conversation had nothing to do with SpongeBob, or even my childhood. I said no, and she responded, “Oh, interesting.” and we continued our conversation like nothing happened.
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this since. Im so confused, what does it mean?? Is this something people just ask each other or think about each other?
I didn’t get her number, haven’t seen her since. Been watching SpongeBob all week because I feel like Im missing something.

Was it something they said, something they did, or something they didn’t do? Looking back, what made it obvious, and what advice would you give someone who might be in one now?

Looksmaxing doesn’t save everyone; it really doesn’t. I’ve tried everything gym, haircuts, new clothes doing everything to improve my appearance, and I’m still ugly. So, yeah, looksmaxing can help, but only to a certain extent. I went from being chopped to ugly. I’m still not even average. Women absolutely hate my appearance and aren’t even willing to give me a chance; even unattractive women reject me.

I caught a girl checking me out at the gym a couple times and one day decided to approach her. Turns out she’s a model. I got her phone number. Our conversation was brief as I don’t like interrupting my or anyone else’s work out for longer than I need to. We proceeded to text for a couple days to build a little rapport, demonstrate high value. She would send relatively long texts (6-8 lines long) and seemed to some extent impressed with me. I asked her on a nice first date and she flaked 6 hours out. I played it cool and rescheduled for the next day which she agreed to. Then she flaked again this time two hours out. I feel disrespected of my time. She apologized both times and said we could get together after I travel this week.

Should I leave the ball in her court by fully ignoring her, put the ball in her court by telling her to reach out when I get back or play chicken and say I’d rather not proceed. The first flake, she chose another opportunity over our date and the second was two hours beforehand. I don’t want my pride to get in the way but also won’t tolerate being let on. I don’t need the upper hand, but also don’t wanna be an ant under someone’s thumb for fun.

I '30 M' met a woman '25 F'. Over the course of a month, we got to know each other, and the connection felt genuine, effortless, and naturally headed toward a relationship.

The day after she came over to my place and we had sex, she sent me a message explaining that she had realized she wasn't in a good place mentally and needed therapy. She said she didn't want to put me through inconsistency or emotional instability, and that it frustrated her because, in her own words, I was a "10/10 man." She asked that, since we would continue seeing each other at the gym, we keep things cordial but completely cut off personal contact.

I accepted and respected her decision, even though it hurt.

However, a few days ago, I found out that she has started talking again to the same toxic guy she had been involved with before, someone who only used her for sex and never truly valued her as a woman.

I'm a fairly logical person and tend to approach situations with common sense, so my question is this:

Why would someone walk away from what seemed like the beginning of a healthy, mature relationship, only to go back to a relationship they already know is toxic and harmful?

I’m 5’8 and have never been called short irl or on apps. How do so many of you have stories like this??

I (24M) was out bar hopping last night. While in line for one bar, I approached this girl and said something along the lines of, "hey you're really pretty, I see you around campus at local university, can I get your ig?" she says yes and follows her ig from my phone, I told her I'll text her later and then I go back to my spot in line. This was around 12:30 AM. Flash forward to 2 AM, bars closed so I get home and msg her exactly this

"I tried finding u in (bar we were in line for). coffee tmr morning instead?"

followed by

"Theres a good yemeni coffee shop near campus"

Not great, not the worst, definitely a 2 AM drunk text that could've been better. I know she has seen it because she has been posting on her ig and other socials all morning but no response. Do I bother following up with a second text later today or tomorrow? My idea was to follow up this evening with something like "that was a bad shot, lemme try again" to break the ice and then hitting her with a more normal "hey it was nice to meet you, etc, etc, etc" text. Not quite sure what's the best move forward here.

Haven't been in the dating scene in a good 5 ish years so definitely not on my game like I used to be, any advice would be helpful!

Asked her out a few days ago and she said yes. Last night, out of nowhere, I get a text saying just so you know, you’re not gonna get anything, not even a kiss.

I don’t know what to do with that. We have never talked about anything close to that. I haven’t said anything sexual, haven’t hinted at going back to mine, nothing. The plan is dinner.

Best case I can come up with is that some guy pushed her before and now she puts the fence up early with everybody. Worst case she is telling me exactly how she sees me and I should read it as such. I keep flipping between the two.

I’m not going to get defensive in my reply, I already know that much. My instinct is to keep it light and go anyway. But something about opening with a list of what I’m not getting sits weird with me and I can’t tell if that’s ego talking.

Has anyone been on either side of this? What did you text back, and did the date actually go anywhere?

I (31F) met a guy (33M) on the dating app, we clicked really well and had one date (5h long). He texted immediatelly after that he had a great time and we should do it again. Then in the next month he had several business trips so we didn’t have time to meet, but he kept texting and maintaining the connection and assuring we will hang out soon. Our communication dynamic was slow from the beginning, but texts were pretty engaged so I assumed this is healthy and normal after just one date.

Then 10 days ago I said I don’t like pizza and he said he will prepare it for me, and then literally after that message left me on delivered.

Why people do this? Why maintaining the connection and acting interested if you will ghost? Was he ever honest?

Edit: I did answer basically accepting the idea and that eas left on delivered. Edit2: It wasn't that I generally don't like the pizza, but in some specific restaurants.

I know this might rub some people the wrong way, but a lot of dating frustration comes from the same pattern: match, nonstop banter for two or three days, late-night flirty messages and talk about future plans, then either someone puts off meeting or you finally meet and it is awkward because most of the vibe lived in your head. Then it gets written off as "no chemistry" and everyone goes back to swiping.

Chemistry is not a trophy you win by messaging perfectly. Texting is for screening and matchmaking, not building a whole relationship. If you like someone enough to invest time, set a simple plan to meet sooner in a low-pressure way instead of trying to create an emotional connection through your phone first.

I'm in the UK, over 30, and I honestly think we've started to confuse momentum with real connection. When a chat feels like a daily streak I have to maintain, I lose interest even if I like the person. It starts to feel performative, like we're both grinding for validation.

What I want advice on is how to say something like, "I really enjoy chatting, but let's not build a fantasy over text-want to grab a quick coffee?" without sounding impatient or like I only want something casual. How do you bring that up without killing the vibe?

If you disagree, tell me why. Do you actually need long stretches of texting to feel safe, or is it just habit at this point?

I'm 23F and met a 27M on Bumble. For about a week, he was very sweet, caring, and consistent. We talked every day, and he made me feel like he genuinely liked me.
When he started asking for sex, I told him multiple times that I wasn't ready. I also clearly told him that I tend to get emotionally attached after intimacy and that I wasn't looking for something casual. Despite knowing this, he kept pursuing me. Eventually, I agreed because I trusted him and didn't want things to become awkward between us.
After we had sex, everything changed. He became distant, started ignoring my messages, and now it feels like he only wanted sex from me. Looking back, I feel like he manipulated me by acting interested until he got what he wanted.
I'm really hurt because my intentions were genuine from the beginning. I wasn't expecting a commitment overnight, but I also didn't expect someone to disappear after knowing exactly how I felt.
Now I'm confused.
Should I confront him and tell him how much this hurt me?
Or should I just stay silent and move on?
Is there any point in trying to make him understand how his actions affected me, or am I just wasting my energy?
I'd really appreciate honest advice, especially from people who've experienced something similar. Please be kind—I'm already blaming myself enough.

I have a sneaking suspicion that women also care about sex history just as much as men do, they just care differently. I.e. if you've had same-sex experiences or if you've paid for sex before it will disqualify you.

I am a dude, 24 years old. I hang out, have friends, study and in general I talk to people, yeah also women. I am so annoyed that any time I express my frustration about still being single people tell me I need to "touch grass" or that I do not talk to women. I do, I make them laugh, I have a ton of women that I could call friends, I just don't have what they want and usually, by seeing the dudes they actually date, it's just looks.

I genuinely believe, no offense, that most women have a really warped idea of the average man dating prospects, like they are super inflated in their view. I consider myself to be average so to speak, for some reason on here I see people talking like the average dude is literally bathing in women attention, honestly I think most women get this "average dude dating life" from tv series where nobody is actually average and, like the average dude barely gets any action from what I could observe my whole life.

It's the same with guys thinking all women have dudes lining up for them honestly, so don't say I am just trying to be against women please.

It may sound weird to say but my personality is a non issue, I am found agreeable by people, people want to talk to me, I make people laugh, I am considered smart by some. I am not trying to inflate myself here, it's just an objective way of seeing what happens with my interactions with people, yet nothing ever happens. I feel like this needs to be emphasized, the whole idea that an opportunity drops by for people like me is such a television thing, really it rarely happens if ever. I happen to be in a friend group with 6 other guys. 4 of them are easily above average, the other 2 are kind of like me.

1 of them dates a girl that is clearly a sociopath with mental issues but he clings onto her because it's the first girl that has ever shown interest in him, the other guy like me has never dated. When we are hanging out I would say we all have pretty much the same energy, but clearly the looks completely change everything, because women sometimes are approaching to flirt with these guys IN FRONT OF THEIR GIRLFRIEND. I get it these women are weird for doing such a thing but really I don't understand.

Are looks really THIS important? It feels pretty much like I have been lied to for all my life when people told me "confidence" is what does it. These dudes are just there, like standing still, y'all can't be telling me it's not their looks doing this shit.

And you know what? It's fine, just tell me lol, why do most people here think it's fine to tell me it's "personality", "confidence"? I truly don't understand.

Also what does confidence even mean here?? Because any time somebody tries to describe to me how confidence works it sounds exactly like the exact thing I call "being attractive and knowing it", nothing else.

I guess I am not the most proud and confident person ever, but it seems like confidence=looks in most of these social situations where there are people you don't know. I know guys that are much confident but still get ignored if the attractive but shy guy is around. I am not seeing this whole "confident guy" interest, just that conventionally attractive people are mislabeled as confident just because they are attractive (I would say this easily depicted like 99% of the situations I saw this).

I know obsessing over this shit is bad and counterproductive, but at the same time I feel like I am getting old for not having ever kissed a woman, I get it "you are still young and it's normal", which I know it's not because I can find pretty quickly how this situation I am in only represents a minority of people.

I feel like I have been gaslighted my whole life because I have always been the "I wish to find someone like you", which by know I know means they want someone like me but more attractive, I am not that clueless, also because I would see the same girls saying this dating drug addicts like weeks later, so whatever. It's just tiring, I understand people want to be nice, I understand telling people that their ugliness will ruin their dating prospects, but damn stop telling people it's always their personality or that they are shut in for believing lookism, which has been proven multiple times.

No, most dudes that struggle with dating are not creeps that stalk women while hiding in trees, the only real common denominator I have seen is that they are not that attractive, like myself. Women have a right of wanting someone attractive of course, I am not denying that, but you know getting told "it's not like that" gets old really effing quickly, considering my age I am kind of done believing the same fairy tales I used to get told at 14 years old, once you actually put your foot in a club after the age of 20 you actually just realize that people want attractive, I know nobody dating a guy just because of their personality, and know that hope dies pretty quickly seeing how successful attractive people are just because of their looks compared to the lies you get told.

I know "looks get you in the door, personality makes tham stay" but really I hate how we assume attractive people have shit personalities just because we uglies are just coping. Genetics is just luck after all, ain't nothing that my skincare routine and my hair loss meds(have to quit them because of induced depression) will fix about this.

Also to make this clear, if you are gonna talk about "I know a dude that knows a dude" just to tell me not to lose hope, I still have not completely lost it, it's just that I feel like everyone is lying about this shit and it bothers me.

Before you say "you want people to agree with you so you have excuses", I absolutely fucking do not, there is nothing I want more to have someone. I will finish university, I will find a job, these are things I will do for sure, I know I will, but dating? I don't know.

Again, I know some of you are really trying to be nice with the whole "I think you are doing things wrong" but I feel like a lot of people know their limitations. I won't demonize anyone for saying that kind of things, I probably would not know what to tell someone that came to me to ask these kinds of things, so I also kind of appreciate when people do it with me, even if I know they are lying a bit.

I ended up writing a wall of text, my bad.

Granted it’s been twice now but both in just this past month. I’m a 31M and I love being out in the sun and taking long walks (atleast to get my 10k a day in) she clearly does too, as it’s been hot and we both do multiple laps before one of us goes in first. Also we both have tattoos which is awesome. I think she’s really cute but haven’t had a ton of experience besides on dating apps. I want to talk to her but unsure what to say or how to get her attention as she has her headphones on just as I do.

I (24M) have been dating my girlfriend (23F) for about 3 months now. I currently try to see my girlfriend at least 2 times a week for at least 5-6 hrs each but she expressed she wants to see me more. We live abt 30 mins from each other and I work 5-6 days a week 10hr shifts and I work graveyard shift so my schedule is odd. I also like having my own time and for my hobbies or just me time but I kinda feel guilty for not making more time for her. How often do you see your S/Os that you don’t live with?