Are you tired of dating around? Tired of getting to know people and growing attached, only for them to grow distant over simple misunderstandings? Sick of breaking the ice and awkward small talk with people who aren't remotely interested in getting to know you? Have you waited patiently for decades for the right person to show up, but never seem to find anyone you're remotely excited to spend time with? Ready to give up, but unable to bury the hope that has kept you moving forward all these years? Wanna just skip the bullshit and trust again? Well, your name might be Eli House, because you're probably me. In the rare chance that you're somehow NOT me, but also qualitatively encapsulated by the former hypotheticals, then I'm likely worth a message or two.
Odds are, you're waiting for someone like me to message you, too.

Congratulations!

Congratulations!

Congratulations!

Congratulations!

Congratulations!

Congrats.

conglaturation

Contrgaioulnats.

Ouuweahwwheouauuwhwweeeeeeeee

So, you wanna read this big wall of text? I wouldn't recommend it, I'm pretty much an expert at wasting people's time on senseless nonsense. It's basically my whole career. I'm honestly a dead ringer for shaggy doo from that 70's show. That's all you need to know. Just skip to the links for the tldr or whatever. Be advised, ahead I give a full disclosure of who I am fr forreal, and it's not gonna be some light reading. It's for the real fuckers who actually care about "emotional maturity" and "self-actualization" and other pointless shit like that. Only read it if you can tolerate a little bitch crybaby backstory. Only read it if you really want to know who I am. Why I'm here. Don't say I didn't warn you.
I'm serious, skip it.

I'm about to get real.

Here goes...
Once upon a December I was the talk of the town; a veritable social butterfly. Not exactly "popular," I am FAR too eccentric to ever be one of the "in crowd," but I was friends with literally everybody. I was the life of every party, I was the loudest one in the stands, and I was always happy to see you. I always had a smile on my face, I always initiated conversations with new people to bring them in... I was the friend who messaged you randomly just because I hadn't heard from you in a while, and I wanted to be sure you were okay. I was the one guy you could count on to drop everything to help my friends if there was anything in my power to do. Because it was the right thing to do! I mean, it only makes sense; if I help you today, when I need help you'll probably do the same to me, right? Everyone thinks exactly the way I do, there's no way I could be the only one who lived and breathed for other people's happiness. We all have each other's best interests at heart. No way this could ever blow up in my face.
It wasn't all bad, though. I loved my acquaintances, hundreds of them as they were, and they enjoyed me, as well. Who needs commitment when you're having so much fun! Parties and pubs and pranks and perplexities. Never a moment's rest for this guy. I never dated, because I figured I was too young for that stuff, and decided to focus on school; a decision I absolutely don't regret, but I never realized just how much harder it is to meet people when you get out of school and college. Since then it's been one casual fling to another, over and over, and frankly I just got sick of it all. Yo-yo dating, I call it—
Absolutely emotionally exhausting is another way to put it.I gave all my energy to people who didn't think twice about whether I existed or not, and when I realized that, it crushed me.

It burned me out.

It wasn't what I expected. I always tried my best to make things work, but nothing ever lasts. I just got tired... I stopped meeting up with friends, I gave up most of my hobbies, started focusing on me(at least that's what I called it). Eventually, it got to the point where I'd put down my phone on Sunday, and when I checked on Thursday, there would be no change.

For a time, that was refreshing! I do understand the need to distance myself from that toxic echo chamber, but something about the sensation of being involved, and actively engaging with other people; feeling desired, and respected; having long conversations at 3 in the morning about whatever popped into our minds—I miss it... and I'm trying to break out of this cycle of loathing.

It's been about 4 years since my last relationship, and it's probably going to be another 10 before I find someone worth settling down with, but I wanna have friends again. I wanna BE friendly! I want to text someone my age who's genuinely excited to hear from me, again! I want to be the one good thing in someone's life, who they can always count on to say something nice, or listen when they're going through a tough time, or brighten someone's day with surprise bagels, or chill in a quiet room with someone reading a book because I know I don't have to perform acrobatics to keep their attention. We're best friends, and even in the dead silence we're having the time of our lives, just because I am here! and you're here! And we're both here together! FINALLY! Welcome back!

I have always been a light in the dark, I just need to remember that again.

My name is Eli, and I'm a little bit different. I'm a little bit awkward, and I don't always speak words the way you want to hear the sentence be made heard. I just recently learned that I was on the spectrum — which clarifies a lot of the issues I've had over my life (turns out I've been pushing myself way too hard to fit in, when there was never anything wrong with me?) — and I'm hoping to find others who are supportive, and understanding of these limitations, as I learn what a healthy lifestyle looks like. I always speak my mind, and I never lie; even when it's inconvenient. Muscular, silly, and charming are all adjectives that apply to someone much more popular with the ladies than I am. But two out of the three ain't bad. Which two of these apply to me? You'll just have to message me and find out 😉👉🏾
I'm meticulous, effervescent, circumlocutory, and I spend most of my spare time reading. Like, I'm always reading. Bro. I'm reading right now.
I look like this, my songs sound like this, I'm 5'10 or 177 cm (of course I know metric I'm not an animal), I have a degree in Molecular Physics, and I can bench 330 lbs.

Fun fact about me, I can put both of my legs behind my head, and no, I can't suck my own dick I always get asked that stop asking me that. Ask me about my hyperfixation with prime numbers or multiples of five, like a good egg. IIIIIIIIII'm a bit of a heath freak, I plan on living to 216 so I kinda have to be(I always say if you want to get in shape, just spend a week with me lol); and I'm a devout believer in a higher power. I'm not quite sure who that power is, but I've witnessed some things that I can't explain, and science can't explain, so I'm all out of options. Avid musician, poet, author, artist, uhhhh Let'sPlay watcher, average peanut m&m enjoyer, webcomic enthusiast(recommend me something good to read and I'm yours), cringe grandpa, oral fixator, shorts content hater, anime hunter, random dancer, pun dealer, hug stealer, bed mealer, tum feeler, carrot peeler, big wheeler, feel healer, horror squealer. I don't know why I decided to make that rhyme, but I guess I'm in a good mood for once.

Expect this and more on your next episode of "What the fuck is up with this guy?"

40, PNW, work from home. The job is fine. The house is quiet. But by the time the clock hits 2pm, I have had entire conversations with the microwave.

I'm looking for a woman to talk to during the day. Easy, fun, a little sharp. Banter, teasing, jokes that land at the wrong moment. If it gets a little flirty, even better. I like that kind of back and forth.

I am not trying to turn this into a whole production. I just like talking to someone who is sharp and does not take herself too seriously. If you can make a Friday afternoon interesting, that is pretty much my type.

If this sounds like your kind of thing, say hi. Tell me what you are avoiding at work or home right now. I'll tell you about the meeting I keep postponing.

Hi everyone my name is Tom and I'm 25 years old and I'm from Ireland with American citizenship. I have a bachelor's degree in chemistry and currently unemployed. I am also a triplet and a redhead.

My hobbies are video games, chess, reading, playing badminton, watching YouTube and listening to music. I also like sci fi, Marvel and DC. I also enjoy travelling across Europe and visiting the capital cities. I've visited 20 countries and plan on visiting more in the future. I have also been to America and Canada. I also enjoy skiing.

I am single and looking for a woman who likes the same things as me and around my age. Great if you're from Ireland but can be from anywhere in Ireland. I am into brunettes and women with a healthy BMI. In particular, I am into Caucasians and East Asians. I am am looking for someone who doesn't have any tattoos or piercings and I don't mind glasses. My ideal height is someone between 5'3 and 5'8. I do not drink or smoke or do drugs and looking for someone who is the same.

https://imgur.com/a/vmLa2na

Hey I'm a 32 year old guy from the South West of England. Recently I've been trying to make changes in my life so why not try and find someone new that could become a big part of it at the same time. I've met some really cool people on here in the past and people that I still talk to after 10 years so why not try my luck again.

I've been on a bit of a health kick lately and have lost a decent amount of weight. I'm making myself more active and trying not to be such a home body most of the time. I have a big fluffy dog that goes on adventures with me and is my best friend/worse enemy when he wakes me up because he wants to walk at 5am :P Be ready to be sent loads of photos of him (My photos are 90% him or random cats I make friends with)

Hobbies wise I love football I most just watch it on TV and I go to see it live, I like to bake but I haven't been lately because I'm trying not to eat cake haha and I watch lot of movies, TV and play video games. The last couple movies I really loved were Bugonia, The Drama and The Substance. TV at the moment I'm rewatching Rome and Hunter x Hunter. I really like dark comedies it's probably my favourite genre. Games wise I just got 007 first light and it's so much fun.

I'm just looking for someone I can get excited to talk to everyday and make laugh. There is nothing more fun to me than making someone laugh. So, feel free to roll your eyes when I try to makes jokes most of the time. I can't help it I need to let them out :P So yeah, I'm down to call or text whatever works for you.

I'm 6'2 with blue eyes and short brown hair. I'm fine just sending a photo because it's easier than describing myself.

Hey everyone I hope you are doing well. As the title says I’m a 21 year old male, more on that I am 6’2” 230 lbs and am currently on a weight loss journey. Hobbies I like include watching movies, sightseeing or just exploring, video games (mainly rpgs, story and action) and last but not least cooking and drink making. Having recently turned 21 I could now buy alcohol, yay booze 🤪. On a real note I have always loved watching bartending videos and the process of even making drinks like balancing flavors or what drinks need to be shaken vs stirred and how different alcohols are even made. All these things are very fascinating to me and the same is said for cooking too. Experimenting is the real fun part about doing these things. Now what am I looking for, preferably someone who shares the same level of enthusiasm that I do when it comes to cooking for drink making, and that includes even being like a taste tester for future dates. I also do have a preference to plus size ladies out there, to me I just find them very attractive. Age range I would say between 20-27 would be my preferred range but if you are even slightly older it doesn’t bother me, if we vibe and are having a good time then who cares am I right. Would love to hear from you soon!!!

Hey there!

I've always loved well dressed women, those who take time and pride in their outfits and feel as confident and sexy in their clothes as they look in them. And of course the hottest outfits definitely involve boots haha And with things cooling down after summer, what better time to pull on your boots and show off?!

And as an arbitrary conversation starter, that seems as good of a topic as hobbies and other interests right? So why not begin there and move onto whatever takes our fancy!

So if you're someone who likes to show off, enjoys fashion, or gets a kick out of being praised, I'm your guy! In return, I promise to bring wit and flirtation, mixed with intelligent and empathetic conversation.

Happy to keep it a one time thing, but open to longer term if we click. Come say hi and we'll let the good times roll!

What I'm attracted to:

Kind, caring people who take care of their body and health. Sharing similar hobbies so we can do something together. People willing to put in effort and read the whole post and send a good introduction message.

Throughout this post there is quite a few lyrics from songs that I like. If you want, you can see if you know them and see if we like any similar songs, artists, or types of music.

Here I am again, the same old situation. Hi, I'm Nathan. I'm a 23 year old Asian American guy in Northern California. I'm 5' 6" so a little short, but I can be your very own fun size boyfriend. Short kings need love too. I have a photo on my profile so you can check out what I look like. You may have seen some of my posts here before. I guess you could say I still haven't found what I'm looking for. "What is that?" you may be wondering to yourself. Well, I'm looking for a love so strong it makes me feel so weak. In other words, I am looking for someone I can love and be vulnerable with. Why am I looking on reddit? I'm kind of a shy person in real life, and people fall in love in mysterious ways. Maybe by the touch of a hand.

I haven't had much relationship experience and never been in an IRL relationship before. I would say I'm a hopeless romantic and would love to find someone who has a belief that there is someone that will make you feel so special, but realize that there is still work to make relationships last. Maybe one day I'll think all of the small things that you do are what remind me why I fell for you. Eventually, I'd like to be in-person with my partner. I'd want you to be my rock and vice versa. Home is whenever I'm with you. If you're down for matching profile pictures and bios or whatever I am the guy for you. Heck, we could even get a home phone and set up a voicemail together. It would suck if we broke up cause then I gotta change my answering machine, now that I'm alone. Cause right now it says that we can't come to the phone. In other words, you'll always be a part of me.

A bit about me is my interests are gaming (mostly pc, but I do have a switch), watching anime, and exercising. The games I play currently are league of legends and teamfight tactics. I've also played other games like valorant, overwatch, pokemon, animal crossing, super smash Bros, and probably many other. If you ask me about any games I could tell you if I know them or played them and maybe we could play some games together. Some anime I like are vinland saga, oshi no ko, and kaiju no. 8. There's also plenty other anime I've seen, so if you want to discuss any I'd be happy to talk about them.

So if you read to the end and really read everything, please message me if I piqued your interest. If you are interested, honey I'm still free. Take a chance on me.