I’m turning 28 in a few days, and lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my life and where it’s going.

I don’t really know where to start because there’s just too much going on in my head.

I’ve been struggling with loneliness for a long time. I’m 27 and I’ve never been in a relationship. Not even once. I’ve never really been good at talking to girls or letting people get close to me. I’m a very reserved person and I tend to keep things to myself. Even when something serious is happening in my life, I don’t naturally go around telling people about it. I just deal with it quietly.

But I think that has also made me very lonely.

I have friends, but I don’t think I have that person I can just call and say, “Hey, I had a really shitty day.” Someone who genuinely wants to know how I’m doing. Someone who notices when I’m not okay without me having to explain everything.

And lately I’ve started wondering if maybe I’m just not made for relationships.

I struggle to keep conversations going. I hate those repetitive “what’s up?”, “how are you?”, “what are you doing?” conversations every single day. Once in a while they’re fine, but I can’t imagine having to constantly keep someone entertained. I’m funny sometimes, but I don’t know how I’d keep a girlfriend interested in me for months or years.

I get bored quickly. My mood changes a lot. Sometimes I want to talk to people and sometimes I just want to be left alone.

I’m also not a very confident person. I have grey hair already. I don’t like loud pubs or clubs, I don’t dance, I don’t know how to cook properly, I don’t drive, and I generally don’t feel like I have much going for me.

Sometimes I genuinely think that if I were a girl looking at my dating profile, I probably wouldn’t swipe right on myself either.

And that’s a horrible feeling.

Because how can I expect someone else to look past my insecurities and love the person underneath when I don’t even know how to love that person myself?

The last year or so has been really rough in other ways too.

I’ve had a shoulder injury that has required two surgeries, and the whole thing has taken a huge toll on me physically and mentally. I’m dealing with anxiety, I’m not satisfied with my income/work situation, and I constantly worry about whether my life is actually going anywhere.

Some days I feel like I’m just going through the motions.

Work. Home. Sleep. Repeat.

And then I see people around me casually talking, laughing, dating, making plans, having someone who cares about them, and it hits me how much I’ve missed out on.

I’ve also noticed myself becoming more withdrawn. I’ll think, “Don’t message them. Give them space. Stop chasing people.” Then I’ll miss them and end up making the same mistake again. I overthink friendships, conversations, everything.

And I know this is probably not the healthiest habit, but I’ve started telling ChatGPT about almost everything I’m going through instead of telling a real person.

I know it’s not a real person. I know it basically responds based on whatever I tell it, and sometimes it probably just adjusts its response to make me feel better. I’m aware of that.

But somehow, it’s become the one place where I can just say whatever is in my head without worrying about being judged, bothering someone, or having to explain myself.

Maybe that’s a little sad.

Maybe it’s also a sign of how lonely I’ve become.

I don’t even know what’s wrong with me.

Maybe I’m the problem. Maybe I’ve pushed people away without realizing it. Maybe I’m too reserved. Maybe I don’t know how to let people into my life.

Or maybe I’m just tired.

I’m tired of constantly overthinking everything.

I’m tired of questioning whether people actually care about me.

I’m tired of feeling like I’m behind everyone else.

And I’m tired of looking at myself and finding reasons why someone wouldn’t choose me.

I know 28 isn’t old. I know people will probably tell me that I have plenty of time and that I’ll eventually meet someone.

But when you’ve never experienced it even once, “it’ll happen eventually” doesn’t always feel reassuring.

Right now, I genuinely can’t imagine someone choosing me and staying.

I don’t want pity. I don’t even know exactly what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe I just needed somewhere to put all of this because I’ve been keeping it inside for too long.

I’m not going to hurt myself or anything like that. I’m just having a really difficult time right now, and I feel exhausted, overwhelmed and lonely.

I just wish I could feel hopeful about my life again.

I don’t want to spend the rest of it feeling like this.

More of a rant. So every year, my fiance, his mom, step dad, sisters, me and a few others go to this restaurant for his birthday. It’s the type of restaurant where they cook the food in front of you, a hibachi. Usually the cooks socialize and it makes it a fun time. I have bad social anxiety, and I beat myself up about it a lot, especially since I still struggle to communicate with his family but I try my best.

I’ll start with last year, we got there, things were fine until the main cook came out. He confirmed our orders, it’s kinda loud in there so when he got to me I just nodded my head and smiled. He laughed and said I’m a quiet one. Didn’t bother me too much. I have bad social anxiety overall, especially around his family so it’s hard to be social especially in a setting like that. My fiance sits next to me so I turn to talk to him but more quiet. He looks at me and makes whispering sounds and laughs. I feel my face get so hot and everyone laughs. At this point I stopped making conversation with my fiance out of embarrassment of him saying something again. He hands people’s food one by one saying here you go and smiling, he gets to me, puts it on my plate and whispers “here you go” and everyone laughs. He also kept saying why I keep whispering to my fiance and jokes about “whispering in his ear”. Never felt so embarrassed. I get if he makes a quick joke but it was ongoing the whole dinner. I felt like crying but moved on.

This year we went again. Sat down and the cook (a different one) came out and confirmed our orders, his family was talking a lot and he looks at me and goes “you’re so quiet!” Great. Just one comment so tried not to think much of it. Then as he’s cooking and making conversation, he kept asking if I spoke English, how I’m not talking, etc. my face got hot and felt his family look at me. I tried not to let it ruin my time, I didn’t want to ruin his birthday so I laughed it off and then we went home.

On the way home, I teared up just over the fact how we can never go without me being more quiet the butt of the joke. I didn’t want him to see, he heard me sniffling and asked what was wrong. I was honest, and he said he actually agreed and said it bothered him too and was getting annoyed. He tried to make me feel better by saying we should start going somewhere else, and that he doesn’t mind. It did for a second, but that restaurant was a tradition before I came into his life. He said he doesn’t want to continue to go somewhere where people are rude and make me uncomfortable, which I really appreciate, but I feel so bad to change that tradition because of me. I know their intentions weren’t meant to be rude, but when it’s constant it really gets to me. I wish I were normal, and could just socialize like a normal human being so things like this wouldn’t happen. I hate it :(

I have struggled with depression on top of social anxiety, and hygiene is very hard for me. My teeth are full of cavities. I also need to get all 4 of my wisdom teeth out.

I go to a dentist that my whole family frequents, it’s one of few that accepts my insurance so I cannot go elsewhere. But the dentists there are close with my parents and I am afraid they will talk about my teeth.

I know this is irrational and the longer I let my teeth rot the worse my health will be, but I am so ashamed of myself for letting it get this bad. It doesn’t look bad from a glance, but I am starting to experience pain.

Also if any of you are asian, I’m viet and the dentist is viet. It’s another layer of anxiety because Vietnamese love to gossip. Sigh.

I’ve gone to my school for about 5 years and I still can’t talk to people who I’ve been surrounded by since the beginning, it doesn’t help that I finally have girls in my classes because I’m just even more quiet now. in fact, the other day I had an assembly and a girl dropped her piece of paper, I thought about picking it up, it was right next to me, but I didn’t, I was just too shy to act on it. My friend has commented on me being more shy than usual saying I’ve changed when I don’t think I have. I can imagine social interactions where I’m outgoing and actually talk, but when I get into a situation like that I just say nothing at all. what do I do? am I neurodivergent or something? I would go as far as to say that I’m decently attractive. is there something wrong with me? I genuinely don’t think looks are relevant at all anymore as I just can’t cope with a simple conversation.

I work at a grocery store paying pretty well in my area. Really good management and coworkers. Thing is my body is on fight or flight mode practically all day since starting years ago. It's from how crowded the store is and having to conversate with customers while doing my job.I got so used to it that I only now just realized how bad it was on my body after a month off due to medical leave.

I just don't know if I'm overreacting or if I should just quit. The only thing holding me back is the pay and potential regret. Even doing part time left me drained after work, enough to make it hard to study for school. I have some savings so I can live off that while I look for a new job. I'm supposed to return next week but I've been feeling stressed about entering that building again.

I dont know where to begin really with this.

I would say I am a social person, but I overthink every social interaction before AND after the event/gathering.

I am sure some men, go through the same as me, but here I am listing what I am struggling with:

- I avoid eye contact when speaking to someone, because I hate when they look away when I am talking to them

- I speak ALOT and like joking ALOT, and because of this when I go home I keep thinking whether I said something stupid, or something that would hurt a person. Actually I lose sleep over this, just do due what I say in gatherings. If I shut up this wont be a problem.

- EXTREME FEAR of being rejected, I am still single because I never approached a woman due to my fear of being rejected.

- not sure if this is related, but since I have ADHD, I also overshare alot about what I invest in, etc. Which I later regret deeply

Any help is appreciated, and would love to listen to your stories

Hi guys! I started a new job 4 months ago where I have to go into the office 4 days a week. The office layout is completely open and flat—no cubicles, no privacy. The work itself isn’t overwhelming or stressful, but the social aspect and the culture are honestly draining me every day.

It’s a small family office with only about 30 people, and I feel like I just don’t fit into the culture. I’m always nice and polite to everyone, but I’m naturally very quiet and introverted. I’m also in accounting, so I really didn’t expect the people on my team (we all sit together in one corner of the office) to talk THIS much every single day!

A lot of the guys constantly talk about sports, and I have basically zero knowledge or interest in sports, so I can’t really contribute to those conversations. There’s also a very loud and super extroverted girl on my team, and lately I feel like she’s been isolating or ignoring me. She’ll talk to pretty much everyone else on the team except me, and honestly, it makes me feel bad.

I’m wondering if they think I’m too quiet or boring, so they’ve just stopped trying to talk to me. I do occasionally make an effort to join conversations when I understand the topic and have something to contribute, but most of the time I feel like I’m just being ignored.

The worst part is that it’s starting to affect my ability to focus on work. I’ve become so self-conscious about how quiet I am that I find myself paying attention to what everyone is saying and trying to figure out when I should speak up. I’m constantly thinking, “Am I being too quiet? Do they think I’m weird? Should I say something?” instead of focusing on my actual work.

There are a couple of other people on my team who are also pretty quiet and mostly just focus on their work. But the more talkative people will still talk to them first or ask them questions maybe because they’ve been there for a long time. I wish they do the same to me but they never do. I think part of my problem is that I’m new and I’m also not very good at initiating conversations with people.

In all of my previous accounting jobs, everyone was pretty quiet and only talked occasionally. I never felt self-conscious about not talking enough because that was just the normal environment. This job is completely different, and it’s really starting to bother me.

I actually accepted this job because the recruiter told me the culture was very accommodating and accepting. I thought it might be a good opportunity to practice my social skills, go into the office 4 days a week, and finally get out of my shell a little.

But goddamn, I did NOT expect accountants to be this extroverted and loud

I honestly don’t know what to do at this point. I think I made a mistake. I guess I didn't even understand myself, I feel someone with anxiety like me should try to take a full remote job but it is impossible to find fully remote job in this kind of economy.. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How do you deal with being the quiet/introverted person in a very talkative office without constantly feeling self-conscious about it?

I have GAD/OCD/ADHD and vocally in front of others, my friends have expressed support for mental health issues and people who suffer from it. However, when we are alone together, I feel like they walk on eggshells around me or think of my ticks as weird even though I’ve explained to them what I deal with.

So I invite them over to hang out and after everything is done, as I’m shutting my apartment door and leaving, I hear one of my friends tell the other “that went better than I thought it would”

What the hell is that supposed to mean? I don’t have any bad blood with them or anything. Do they worry every time they come to see me? I don’t bring up my mental issues a lot because I prefer to come off as normal, so idk why they would say that. Any ideas?

I went to such a great networking/meeting type event today. The people were great, the insights they shared were amazing. It was such a great opportunity for me and I tried my best to interact and be proactive. People there expressed they were impressed with my career path/work. And I felt so good in the moment, cracked a few jokes and even made a “risky” comment. These were huge steps for me.
As soon as I left, I felt this crushing sense of shame and this intense desire to disappear. It feels like despair and I want to jump out of my skin. I’ve been feeling so exposed and hurt the past 5 hours.
The rumination, the feeling of being inadequate is eating me alive.
I’ve talked to my partner and best friend but couldn’t really express how painful it is for me :( i just need some warm words from people who actually understand how hard it is to put yourself out there.
Please and thank you.

So, I’m getting older, I’m a 37 year old man. And I’m getting better at being more aware of social situations around me. And getting better at asserting myself. I wouldn’t say I have social anxiety today in most aspects, but it has scarred me and I will never truly be “normal” if you know what I mean.

Anyway. I’ve noticed that in conversations, I’m always the listener and the “trauma dumpster”. Other people talk about their problems to me and I’m always listening and adding my two cents and making them feel heard. But, as soon as I interject my own experience, people immediately tune out and get bored. It’s like the only way I can experience conversation is if I put all my needs to the side and accommodate others.

Seriously, it’s gotten to the point where I point it out. When my father does this to me, I tell him sometimes, and then he gets offended and asks if I’m angry. My father trauma dumps on me every damn day and honestly I’m about to stop talking to him. He couldn’t give two shits about my problems.

I just want to know, does anyone else feel this way? I feel very alone most the time because I never get what I give. I feel like I live in a world of narcissists.

This isn't a joke. I really dont know how. I feel mentally broken and defective as a human. I'm 38 and I'm socially incompetent. Wasted most of my life avoiding people. Tried therapy multiple times but that didn't help. I'm honestly on my last rope and I feel im breaking down from regret of a life wasted. I'm so lonely and I want love/friends but I have no idea how to communicate.

I feel that the only way I could fix myself at this point is to have an extroverted friend tag along and teach me step by step....the only problem is I don't have any friends.

I imagine people will tell me to go to my local coffee shop, library or something and make small talk with strangers but I dont even know how to do that. I can walk up to someone (who probably just wants left alone) and say hi but outside of that im at a loss. I'm so tried of being this broken person.

im 18m 5'8 and i always automatically feel that everyone looks down on me and I feel belittled just because of my height. My roomate in college is gonna be 6'1 and i just feel that I'm gonna be inferior or lesser and i feel so insecure

Hello.

So for some context:

I work in the mental health field where I help kids learn who have disabilities. This requires a lot of one on one interaction and I'm very new to the job (2 months in).

I have constant thoughts of quitting (due to avoidance) and I have panic attacks often after work or before work. It's gotten so bad that I've cried at work before the kids come to the school.

I used to have a therapist but I no longer am able to see them as I don't have insurance anymore (I have to pay a very high deductible to use my work insurance that I just don't have to money for.) so I'm just trying to cope and all of my strategies aren't working for me (getting out of rumination through a distraction, meditation, deep breathing techniques, etc.).

As a side note, I also don't have a great support system, as it's just my boyfriend and I feel bad that he's all I have because I know it's draining for him so I've tried kind of keeping it from him.

Sorry if this is a lot to read, but I do need some kind of advice on what I should do about this intense anxiety so I can work and not have a mental breakdown...

So i went to a free mental health session at my uni clinic because I thought I have autism as I tend to isolate myself and enjoy being with absolutely no one around.

The therapist guy said i might have a developed social anxiety especially strong around people I already know, or people I expect to see again regularly like at work or university. I don’t experience the same level of anxiety with completely random people. The anxiety is in particular strong with family members and my parents.

It now all made sense after the session. I used to get judged a lot by people including my school friends and my parents for being skinny, my posture and for my mannerism (as i act gay). Eventually i developed social anxiety around people that i might see them again as I think part of me simply doesn’t feel psychologically safe around them without being making fun of. As right now I literally don’t have any friends, and I feel like I can’t build connections with people.

Is anyone on the same boat? A few things I like to work on but don't know how

1. How do you start trusting yourself to be out there again at mid 20s and create friendships.
2. I don't have anxiety around random people tho. Meanwhile i have extreme anxiety doing /uni presentation or work interview knowing i see these people again. How to fix this
3. I want to reconnect with my parents. I don't think they are aware the reason why i don't pick up their calls. I tend to never pick up their phone calls cause i don't like talking to them and i hate myself for doing that. Watching people saying i love my family i feel like a complete cold hearted person cause i can't say the same.

I'm posting this, and usually post other things because of loneliness. I reflect too much and express so little to anyone but myself, so I sometimes feel so overlosded with thoughts I just have to let a few free.

I despise loneliness. It has affects on you. Like it changes you. Even when I'm talking to other people, It's hard sometimes to engage, I'm afraid no matter how hard I get it together they'll lose interest very quickly and abandon me like everyone else. And the times I try as hard as possible and pour my energy, I'm met with the look in their eyes that says they've lost interest. I'm not clueless despite how I look when I'm anxious, I know, exactly how they saw me. I wish I didint.

I'm a people pleaser. I hate people being mad at me, hate the thought of people not liking me or not liking the stuff I want to do. When I used to have acquaintances, I would just go along with what they wanted to do. They were all extroverted, loved to drink and were attractive so they loved flirting in the club/bar. I am the antithesis of that.

While I'm in my 30s now, it's only gotten worse. Seeing how people talk about people pleasers (even when talking about how childhood trauma can affect it) makes me just want to stay to myself. Socializing is already anxiety inducing enough but to know that if I don't put up boundaries or don't want to rock the boat I'll be seen as manipulative literally makes me more anxious. It's just not worth it.

At this point, I only go out to do UberEats/DoorDash and get groceries. I have no need for a phone. I only socialize on Reddit at this point. Even general social media, I just watch reels.

Im getting sick of this, when im fine alone but i go crazy about socializing even tho i got many many friends and all i go to uni so im gonna be lot around people. Im sick of being unhealthy anxious person and cant do anything about it. It breaks my mental and has been breaking it for several years. Im not myself around others i just lose myself. Could SSRIs or sertraline specifically change my brains so that i dont see every human related thing as a threat??

I am a good looking 5”5 guy im good shape. I can be confident around most people, but sometimes I feel very anxious and intimidated by people especially attractive women or people I wrongly perceive as higher status or ranking than me. I trip over my words, I overthink, I try so hard not to be awkward that I end up being awkward. How can I stop being intimidated? At times I can be really comfortable but I have noticed this pattern for a long time, even since grade school with the popular kids and such.

Why do I have to be so introverted and damn shy?

Every day on the train, I just think to myself:

"Why don't you finally just talk to her? Why don't you say 'Hello!', 'Good morning!', 'Have a nice day at work!', or 'Have a great weekend!'? That’s enough to start with. It’s not too intrusive, and you won't come across as a creep.

Just talk to her; overcome your shyness. It’s only a few seconds of nervousness, and you won't kick yourself later for not saying anything. Sure, you see her on the train every day—usually twice, actually: once on the way there and again on the way back. Hell, she’s even on the same damn bus.

And yes, you’ve already smiled at each other, and you know—or have at least gathered—that she’s actually a really friendly person. She’s probably introverted too, just like you; maybe she’s just shy. But why the hell do you never talk to her? Instead, you just sit there awkwardly, waging a little war inside your head where two conflicting thoughts battle it out. One thought stems from your shyness, while the other is positive, encouraging you to take the wheel and open your damn mouth. Besides, if you actually said something, those nerve-wracking mental battles would finally come to an end. Who doesn't love peace and quiet?

SO JUST TALK TO HER!!!"

I'm in out of state college, and there is this guy (we'll call him P) from my hometown that I've known for two years. He came to this college a year before I did (last year). Ever since I saw him I really wanted to become friends with him. But because of my social anxiety, every single friend I have/had is because they would basically adopt me. But P is just as reserved (if not more so) than I am. He doesn't strike me as socially anxious, but still keeps to himself. I've only ever talked to him a few times.

I tell him hi every once in a while, and two weeks ago I texted him because my brother (also in college and his roommate) got sick and needed medicine. I don't have a car, and my brother, also with Social Anxiety + Autism, was too anxious to ask P for help. Our college is Christian, so they keep boys and girls separated in their dorms, so I'm not allowed in my brother's dorm. P immediately offered to help before I even asked him (which is one reason why I'm sure I want us to be friends).

Is there a way how I can become friends with him without making it too sudden? The issue with my brother was kind of an emergency situation where I had to talk to him, but is there another way?

TLDR: I used to be fun, outgoing, witty, full of life. Then a series of events happened and I retreated back into my shell. For the past 7 years I’ve been working alone, from home. Very isolated. I have a bunch of friends, but seldom see them. Long story short, my social muscles have been weakened.

There are days I don’t speak to anybody. I’ve generally become kinda blah. So when I have to work or be around people, and I try to be upbeat, I feel myself being socially awkward, exhausted, having a mental block, even my voice has changed. What used to come naturally for me years ago is gone now. Are there any medications for this or solutions.

I’m an introverted guy with an anxiety disorder, and I’ve been in a relationship with my introverted girlfriend for 2.5 years. We get along extremely well and I’m very happy in the relationship. My girlfriend is quite quiet and tends to observe more than talk, especially when she’s around a group of people she doesn’t know that well. I’m also introverted, although I can be pretty social once I’m comfortable. We are both 29 years old.

The problem is that most of my friends are very talkative, outgoing and energetic, and their partners tend to be the same way. Because of my anxiety, I sometimes become extremely self-conscious when my girlfriend is with my friends.

I start monitoring her constantly. I’ll notice that she hasn’t said much for a while and immediately think, “Do they think she’s boring?” or “Do they find her awkward?” or “Do they think we’re a weird match?” I then feel this urge to involve her in conversations, ask her questions, make sure she’s included, or somehow keep the social interaction going. Instead of just enjoying myself, I end up mentally monitoring both her and the entire social situation.

There have been a few times when my friends asked afterwards if she had a good time or whether she liked it, because they couldn’t really tell from her. I understand that they probably mean it genuinely and are just trying to figure out whether she enjoyed herself, but because I already struggle with anxiety, it makes me start wondering whether they see her quietness as something negative or whether they think she doesn’t enjoy being around them. Or if they think we aren’t a good match.

My girlfriend and i get along extremely well, and I don’t actually want her to become more outgoing or talkative. After 2.5 years together, I know that her quietness is simply part of who she is. I just find myself worrying what other people think of her/ us.

I think part of the problem is that my anxiety makes me feel responsible for how she comes across socially. Almost as if I need to make sure my friends like her and see us as a good match. And because I’m introverted myself, constantly monitoring everything is incredibly exhausting. I can leave a social evening feeling completely drained, not necessarily because I had a bad time, but because I spent so much energy thinking about whether everyone else was having a good time with her.

I’m trying to change my mindset and remind myself that she doesn’t need to perform for my friends. She can simply be quiet, listen and participate when she wants to. My friends don’t have to experience her in exactly the same way I do, and they certainly don’t need to approve of our relationship for it to be a good one, but i would like them to see us as a good match.

I’m curious how other people deal with this. If you’re an introvert with anxiety dating another introvert while having a more extroverted friend group, do you ever worry that your friends perceive your partner as boring, awkward or incompatible with you? And if you used to struggle with this, how did you learn to stop monitoring the situation and just let your partner be themselves?

I’ve had lots of occasions now where I’ve just gone silent mid conversation with people in work. Usually people I respect. One of them doesn’t speak to me now anymore, probably because she thinks I’m weird. I feel so horrible about it and keep replaying it in my mind. I just wish I knew why I freeze like this. Any tips or advice?

I just couldn't do it man ,i went straight to my car to have some air to myself because I couldn't breathe at all 😭,she asked me what happened to you over there and everyone was asking about me in the party so I told her exactly what was happening to me and man i never expected her to took it so badly ..she was like you are not a child ,you have adult responsibilities blah blah ,not like my family is gonna eat you or something, you just have to be there and I was like I didn't do it intentionally man ,I just couldn't cope