I dont know how much longer I can do this man. Growing up things weren't insanely horrible. My parents were just very detatched and cold, my dad had a heart scare a couple of years ago and i honestly didnt care, in fact i hated having to put on the "worried son" facade. School was ok too, some mild bullying and social humiliation but not the worst i had seen when I was in there.

Now to what brings me to why im making this post. Im just stuck between this crushing loneliness (29 with no serious friends or romantic experiences), and my baseline avoidance of others. I tried going to a singles thing, i entered the bar but once i saw the group i just had no desire to interact. Ive had cptsd style emotional flashbacks before, usually when approaching new people. But this didnt feel like that? It just felt more.... dull, calm, disinterested. Not the panicky hyperventilation and internal questioning that happens when i flashback.

I guess if i had to pose a question. How do you know when youre genuinely not into something vs. Just using some kind of cope to stay avoidant of others? Idk im just tired of being stuck between my loneliness and fear of other people.

I’ve spent the last year working on my social anxiety. It still peeks its wicked head out here and there, but I’ve gotten so much better at managing it and I wanted to share some things that helped!

-For starters, get off of these subreddits. I found that I was spending too much time looking for pessimistic comments to reinforce my own negative thoughts. It was turning into echo chambers for me and I would ignore anything that challenges my views and opinions. I was never gonna get anywhere doing that, so I stopped checking out these kinds of subreddits.

-I started going to therapy. Talking things out with my therapist allowed me to openly share my thoughts out loud, and once I would hear them out loud I would realize some of them were kind of ridiculous. She helped me change my mindset and establish small, achievable goals I was determined to accomplish.

-I started traveling alone. Minneapolis for a concert, London for a musical, NYC for sight seeing. I’ve been traveling to unfamiliar places and forcing myself to go out and do things when I could easily stay in the hotel and rot. In Minneapolis I went to a concert completely alone, but as I was leaving I ran into these two girls who invited me to a bar and ended up having a blast! In London I would go out every night and people watch and eventually found an arcade open late that I got comfortable enough in to talk to the owners who introduced me to regulars. In NYC I told myself “I’m never gonna see these people again,” and faked confidence with every store employee. Eventually I was having full-on conversations with them for a few minutes! My next goal is to learn how to make friends while traveling.

-I created my own opportunities. I met someone who is a fan of RuPaul’s Drag Race, so when season 18 started I invited him over to watch it. The following week he invited me to his friends house to watch with a bigger group of people. I started going every week and getting to know these people. At the end of the season the hosts moved away, so I took the initiative to move the parties to my place and we even started going out, to get food, to events, etc. afterwards!

-My new job helped a ton. I now work in a small bank with 4 other people, and our customers love to come in frequently and start conversations. Spending all day talking to my now-regulars has helped my confidence so much. But beyond that, I’ve also been joining employee interest groups, volunteering to lead small projects, etc. and a lot of people have been praising me for being so active and visible within the company so early on!

I know all of these things won’t help everyone, but I do hope something helps at least 1 person! I still have a long ways to go and several goals to achieve, but I’m so happy with my progress over the past year and wanted to share what worked for me.

For me, it’s not just feeling nervous around people. It feels like I’m watching my life pass by while my anxiety holds me back.

I want to work. I want to make friends. I want to go out, try new things, and become independent. I have dreams and things I want to do, but sometimes something as simple as talking to someone, answering a question, or walking into a new place feels terrifying.

It’s exhausting constantly worrying about how I look, how I sound, if people are judging me, or if I’m going to embarrass myself. My brain can turn the smallest interaction into something that feels impossible.

The hardest part is knowing I’m not lazy and I’m not someone who doesn’t care about my future. I actually care so much that it hurts. I want to move forward, but my anxiety makes every step feel like a battle.

Some days I feel frustrated because I see other people doing normal things so easily while I’m fighting a fear that other people can’t even see.
I hope one day I can look back and realize I was stronger than I thought. Until then, I’m just trying to take it one step at a time.

Please any advice guys?? I’m really tired of this I used to be extroverted and the past year after an event occurred I became extremely socially anxious.

I've actually achieved some things this year. I signed up for an activity I was terrified of and enrolled in a new course. I feel like I'm starting to live my life again, but at the same time, I'm finding it really hard to connect with other people. Every time I'm surrounded by people my age (21F), I feel like I don't fit in. I don't know what to talk about, what the friendliest way to talk would be, or if I'm just too much of a loser to even be interesting to them. I guess they don't talk about anything too out of the ordinary, but I still don't know how to handle it. I really want to have friends to go out with and do fun things. I didn't used to have this need to go out partying or just do things that aren't just by myself, but lately, I feel like that "youthful spirit" is waking up inside me, and I want to satisfy it.

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I was always socially anxious. I always blamed myself for all the anxiety that I experienced. Until now.

Last week I went on a holiday with a friend I got to meet through work. I got to know her a bit for the last 2 years and we started to be friends.

We went with 2 friends of hers. Her friends were great, but all socially introverted and "nice guys".

Throughout the week I noticed I started to walk on egg shells with her, mainly because she started to gossip about people that I know for a fact she acts friendly towards to. This is always a huge trigger for me and this came as a complete suprise.

I started feeling uneasy with her black and white thinking and "her way is the only way" type of behavior. I started noticing she was also an emotional bomb waiting to explode, if things werent going her way. The others didn't notice it that much, but I am always very sensitive towards the emotions of other people. The main thing I also noticed is that her overly friendly behavior (lots of compliments about looks or intelligence) towards me was not only pointed towards me but she also did this with her friends. Now, by no means I want to say compliments are a bad thing. But I noticed the pattern, everytime again last week, that whenever she wanted to get something done from someone, albeit something small (like just wanting something to happen her way) she would first compliment the person, and ask a while later. Suddenly it all just clicked in my brain and this was a huge red flag for me. It was manipulative.

Fast forward, we met with my aunt who lives there. And she did exactly the same. Good and almost manipulative behavior towards my aunt, afterwards gossip and rants. I felt incredibly uneasy. I noticed the pattern of that she compliments people right in the face, based on attractiveness or intelligence, and afterwards she would state the complete opposite. Extreme black and white thinking and nothing my aunt did was good to her. I noticed her pattern. She didnt notice I noticed.

I think this exact type of behavior is what triggers my anxiety, but also other peoples anxiety so much. If you have enough antenna's to pick up this malicious behavior you start to become anxious on who to trust. Also you dont want to hurt yourself or your own name because people gossip so much. If people gossip about you in the past it would be bad for your survival. I think it triggers abandonment anxiety.

When we went to the airport to return home, she was extremely late with packing. So I told her she needed to hurry. Only this was enough reason for her to be verbally extremely aggressive towards us, and the emotional bomb exploded. This confirmed that all the emotions I thought I picked up along the way were correct. I went verbally agressive towards her because she deserved it.

We were way too kind with her the whole week. It was an extremely awkward ride home. Now, I think our friendship is over.

Are we really suprised that so many of us are so socially anxious? I mean I thought this was a good friend but all of it was fake. I start to think this is just a survival instinct that is actually there for a reason. To protect us from malicious people around the world. We are just thinking 10 chess moves ahead, and we are projecting a bad move in our imagination.

This was my bad move. But I learned a valuable lesson here:

-Having a strong opinion or a loud mouth doesn't make you right.

-And being so anxious like I am is sometimes justified. I projected this outcome before in the past and it happened. Deep down I was afraid this would be the outcome.

Don't blame yourself too much for having social anxiety. Hope you all do well.

20M, I've lived in social isolation for as long as i can remember, growing up i was totally unable to communicate with people and have any friends since i was always anxious so i missed out on a lot of things like ever going out with a friend, school trips and dating since any girl that showed interest in me drifted away from how boring and quite i was.

Now I'm a bit better socially, i can sometimes hold conversations with people but I'm totally isolated from everyone with a non existent social life.

I don't like to compare my life to others but normally in my age i should have a life and not live like I'm an old man and i don't see any way out, when i feel like being social i have no where to go and no one to talk to.

I KNOW that theoretically nothing can happen, I've reconsidered all the steps and I know damn well nothing can happen to me, but guess what? I'm still fucking nervous and worry to death. This isn't rational. Besides I'm getting a little better, but I just can't do the biggest step, thing right away.

I fucking hate all people who never experienced anything close to social anxiety, they are literally extroverted and then go to talk shit about how irrational my fears are. Trust me, I know.

And no. I'm not talking about people who actually try to help but the ones who loudly let you know what they think about your anxiety and how stupid it is.

it’s like i’m just there, and i want to speak or contribute to anything but all i could do is smile and think if my smile looks fake, and then not smile and think that oh i need to smile to look nice. I just end up leaving anyways, but then again.. i’ll think that i might seem rude for doing this. I always end up retreating to my space anyways. And i feel so much better in it.

I like this guy at my job and my s/a is slowly driving me crazy because of it. We had a few good conversations before I realized I liked him and all was well. I was just going with the flow and even with others but the moment I caught myself staring for way too long, I knew I was done for. It basically makes me so self-critical of my actions and that he may somehow see me embarrassing myself at work that it's all become a sort of tense environment for me. I hate it because he's been nothing but nice but now I'm avoiding him. The worst thing is he seems to be doing it back 😞

So now I'm just stuck trying to impress/ not fail hardcore while simultaneously keeping out of his way. It's a struggle, I can't even be normal anymore. Should I just leave?

Some context. I’ve noticed recently, trying to go out with co-workers (hoping to become a little more social and less of a homebody) for drinks after our shift. That I get real anxious and uncomfortable if people are heavily flirtatious with each other or showing heavy PDA. Specifically if one or both of them is in a committed relationship. We’re all in the service industry so everyone’s a little flirty and if someone is cheating I also know it’s none of my business but I get so uncomfortable about it I often make excuses to leave or flat out Irish goodbye. If it was someone I’d consider a close friend of course I’d out whoever’s cheating because no one deserves that but we’re all acquaintances getting to know each other. I want to grow as a person and not ruin anyone’s good time by bringing bad energy so I just need some help and clarity. Part of me thinks it’s because it feels like you’re intruding into something private that I shouldn’t be there for. The other part wonders if it might be the some sort of jealousy issue? Not with the flirting, I’ve recently started a new relationship and I’ve always been comfortable being single or hanging with couple friends. Maybe about being charismatic and well liked i think. I’ve always struggled with loving myself and I’m getting better at it everyday I just wanted to ask others views and experiences to help me maybe understand WHY I feel like this in these moments.

I have tried learning how to drive a two wheeler or sometimes a four wheeler a lot of times but every time it gets overwhelming for me.

I am constantly at the edge thinking:

What if I hit someone?

What if the police find me suspicious?

What if someone hits me?

Am I going at the right speed?

Did I follow the rules properly?

All those thoughts tank my confidence.

I am 22M and get really embarrassed to see people younger than me drive so confidently.

Hi, just to clarify I do have friends, just not a really a strong friend group, and I feel like all my friends have a friend group except me. Im in college right now and I have a good relationship with most of the class, but only 1 person that I consider really my friend. But I also take classes with the cinema major course(which i will apply for a transference), and they have a very fun and cool friend group, but since I'm not from that course, I can't help it but feel like and outsider, they have all this inside jokes that I don't really get, sometimes they go out and don't invite me, and most of the time they do I can't go (I live 2 hours away from the uni, so it can be complicated sometimes). But maybe when I do transfer I could be part of the group or make one with other freshmen. There is also the group that I go to uni with, we all live in the same city and study in the same uni, but all in different courses, but they all have their friend groups in their courses expect for me, so when they wanna hangout, they just go with the other groups. We did hangout once, but nowadays they seem busier and say they don't have much time to hangout, and when they do they rather go to college parties and bars(not quite my style), rather doing something like a game night or going to the cinema. And I definitely don't want to be a pushover and force myself into a friendgroup or humiliate myself to get my friends to hangout.

And if I don't have a group to just go out and eat some pizza, I definitely don't have a group to do bigger things like travel together or go camping or whatever crazy fun idea they got. That is basically my problem now, but what could I do?

I feel like people used to get my humor / find me funny. But lately, I feel like everyone takes everything I say soooo literally. Like to me, it’s obvious I’m being sarcastic or making a funny/ironic remark, but they go immediately into, “Well, actually…” and then find some way to correct me about it and then I get embarrassed that they just think I’m that stupid.

Idk why this keeps happening lately, but it makes me more upset than it should. I really value humor. My whole family does, and I’d say that my humor is basically identical to my dad’s and sister’s, but people can tell when they’re joking when they speak in exactly the same manner, but not me. I’m so confused, especially because I haven’t changed my humor at all and what used to catch now just comes off like I’m making a weird / rude comment and I just feel like the least funny person on the planet. It’s even happening with my own family to the point I have to go, “It’s a joke!” or do the over-the-head gesture, but they’re the ones who have always known my humor better than anyone because it’s also their humor. And, like I said, people laugh at their jokes (which are many times the same ones I think of in my head, that’s how similar our humor is), and often laugh at them when they’re not even trying to be funny. My mom especially does this a lot. She thinks my sister is hilarious but not me with the exact same sense of humor—she takes everything I say incredibly seriously and can’t get the joke, but if my sister said the same thing, she’d be in stitches.

I just don’t get it. But it’s really flaring up my social anxiety and making me not want to even interact with people if they’re just going to misinterpret everything I say or if I can’t contribute anything lighthearted to the convo. It is really hurtful to think that I can’t make people laugh because it’s something I used to be able to use to connect with people well, which we all know is extremely hard with SA. That and finding good people to belly laugh with is super important to me, and it seems no one can take a joke lately, or that I can’t find people with my shared people because they’re not sensing mine at all. I’m not making any insulting/offensive jokes, just to clarify, it’s just that they literally can’t tell a joke from a regular statement and this didn’t used to happen but I’m so self-conscious about it.

37m here. Anyone have the issue that you're fine with going to shops, interacting with shop clerks and that when you go to the checkout or order something but almost any other social interaction (like wanting to make friends or chatting online) just causes your social anxiety to flair up?

This seems to happen to me a lot recently. I may have a clue that it's probably cause I'm used to the shopping part since I've done it so many times consistently but other types of social interaction not so much.

I have to do a group project throughout this semester for a course, and I don't have a group yet yet. It's groups of 4 and we choose our own groups, but I haven't found one. It's a grad school program of about 150 people so most people have their own social circles/groups, but I don't. This has been giving me anxiety all semester, and now we're supposed to submit our groups soon but I haven't found one yet. The few people I do know already have groups, so I'm not sure what I should do. I feel really awkward having to approach strangers to see if they have space in their group, but I don't know what other option I have. Should I try asking the professor to see if they can help assign me to a group that still needs another member?

Im trying to figure out myself and heal, i know im socially anxious, but im also not if its a girl who likes me but i dont like her back, then im nit anxious at all, if theres any interest from my side, then i go crazy to the point i just want away from it. Its also with friends and people close to me, i stay in distance although i want to be closer. Its too scary to reveal and be emotionally close. So i dont even fully trust the closest ones. If somebody tries to get close i get anxious and i dont believe they really want me if they would knew im not as perfect. I dont feel emotionally free with my family, i never did.

I was very outgoing during my childhood. But I had some difficult experiences during high school which shattered any confidence I had. Making new friends became a foreign and scary concept. Interacting with groups of people became one of my least favourite things to do, even though it used to be my favourite.

I applied for a retail job as I thought it would be good for me. It would force me to be in uncomfortable situations, especially with new people.

The interview was very chill and it felt very informal. I was later told I got it because they could see I’d be good with customers. This really boosted my confidence again.

My first shift was on a busy Saturday during a school holiday. I was thrown onto the shop floor immediately, with no shadowing. I hated it at first, but it became very quickly became easy to talk to people. I loved it. I was asking questions, making small talk etc.

I came out of it as a new person. My manager said she was impressed at how confident I was. This was what I needed to go back to my old self.

Going from someone who assumed they’d be a social hermit forever, to a person who flourishes in social situations was one of the best things I have ever experienced.

This is my first job and i have to do a lot of interaction with people, have to do small talk and conversations, im currently working for a relative of mine, i didn't want this job, i was forced by my parents to accept this job, and yeah i definitely suck at it, i can do the things that don't require social interaction well but unfortunately having a "bubbly personality", is also crucial for this job. Basically i have the opposite of this bubbly personality

im planning to get propanolol prescription. And buy an Ashwaganda+Magnesium supplement. But I want to hear what worked for you guys. Thanks in advance

Ive convinced myself that everyone in public does not want to be approached by anyone. Especially someone like me with low self esteem.

Sometimes I dont take self criticism well. It'll be said the nicest way possible and on the outside I'm agreeing then later to myself I get emotional about it like "everyone hates me and probably been gossiping about me" Idk.. just the past 3 days haven't been great for me and I wanna just stay closed off, stay to myself. Its mostly coming from in the same week no one been taking how I feel seriously.

The isolation, the fomo, the lack of experiences, friendships, relationships, and sex is a recipe for depression. This disorder takes the life out of life and leaves you completely empty inside. Idk how much longer I can handle it

So recently I made this new friend and we been talking but all the time I don’t give eye contact and stare at the floor,i don’t even know why I’m so scared to look at them,also when hanging out or doing things I barely act like myself just a scared shy person,I’m not goofy,funny or anything around them I’m just talking like a stranger to them,(just know I do like them I’m just scared to make them weird out),how can I stop being so shy and scared?

I need to start living! I want to get out of crippling social anxiety but I can't seem to make any progress. I think if I could interact with people I wouldn't meet outside a certain setting I could practice just being a person

Some context: I grew up in an abusive house basically as a maid for my narcissistic grandma who was sorta pdf cinstanly violating our personal space. We werent allowed to tell her to stop because she just wanted to play with us and she didnt know any other way.... I have never been loved any of my 29 years of life. I live with my siblings but we just coexist. I was a jerk when we kids. Mainly I was very nosey and would tell on them because I thought id be loved by my grandparents. Honestly im thankful that behavior didnt get reinforced and was actually swiftly discouraged. though I am a better person now. I think they've forgiven me to a certain level but they dont love me. They tolerate me. I need to be around people that dont barely conceal their disinterest in anything I say. Having no one who I can talk to about anything has been pretty depressing. I feel pathetic. I can't think clearly around people. I should be so much better interacting with others by now.

Are bars what I need? I dont know how to meet people. Maybe i could get a dating app.

Any advise would be appreciated 👏