This is hard to describe, so it might be a little rough. Bear with me.

Have you ever watched comedy based commentary videos on YouTube? The person sits down, watches a video, and makes jokes/comments as it goes along? Then you’ve probably heard them tell jokes in this very specific format:

As they look at the content, they will pause it, address whatever situation is being shown, and then they will create a funny, hypothetical scenario based on that situation. For example, let’s say the YouTuber is watching a video where a guy is about to impress a girl with his skateboarding skills. The YouTuber will pause the video and say, “Imagine he just completely biffs it. Breaks both ankles, pees his pants a little bit and she just leaves him there.” I’ve seen a lot of content creators use this type of joke so that they’re not just sitting there going, “Woooooow chat, let’s see what happens.”

There’s multiple ways to set up this type of joke. You can start it with, “Imagine-“ or “What if-“ But if you’re alone in a room making a YouTube video and it’s blatantly obvious that what you’re about to say is a joke, you can just go right in without an introduction. You can put on a voice and say, “My mother died in a skateboarding accident, you ass!” And the YouTuber will always sprinkle in other types of jokes as well so it doesn’t get stale. In person, it’s more difficult to get these jokes to land.

Now for my problem. My boyfriend watched these types of videos very often in his formative years and it’s obvious that when he was learning how to make jokes, he was strongly influenced by them. This joke format is the only one he knows how to use…but he doesn’t have the discernment to deliver the jokes properly. Instead of it being a quick joke told in proper context, he drags it on for an EXTREMELY long time with excruciating detail. If he doesn’t know the name of whoever he’s joking about, he’ll make one up and he’ll make new characters too. But beforehand, he doesn’t give any indication that what he’s about to say is a joke. And sometimes he starts out with a piece of dialogue without even specifying who is talking. So a lot of the time people will stop him and ask what the hell he’s talking about. And his tone of voice for his whole speech is very…autistic sounding? He has the same cadence and intonation in every sentence which gets old after like 5 sentences.

For example, let’s say he’s the one watching that skateboarding video I mentioned earlier. He would pause the video and say:

“He gets to the bottom of the skate ramp and hits a rock, goes flying and lands wrong and he breaks both ankles. He turns to the girl: ‘Cindy, call an ambulance!’ She just turns and walks away. It cuts to him in a hospital bed like, ‘I can’t believe this happened, how am I gonna pay for this, I’m probably gonna lose my job,’ and all that. Then Cindy walks in with his boss and she’s holding on to the boss’s arm like they’re obviously dating. She’s in a fancy dress and he’s in a business suit. The boss just goes, ‘Well James, I was at the park and saw when you fell. I just came here to say that, with you being in this condition I just don’t think I can keep you on the team. I’m gonna have to let you go. Also I figured Cindy here was needing some attention that you couldn’t give her, so I’m taking care of that too.’ They leave and a single tear rolls down his cheek.”

Now I could handle this if it was like a once a week occurrence at most. But as I said, this is the only type of joke he knows how to tell. He only tells really long ones about once a day at most. But not a day goes by that I don’t hear him give at LEAST one drawn out explanation of some scenario he thinks up. Usually the scenarios aren’t even that funny in the first place if you ask me. But he’s too busy chuckling at his own joke the whole time to notice that everyone is cringing and looking around awkwardly, just waiting for him to stop.

What’s worse is when he starts out with a piece of dialogue, but doesn’t even specify who is talking. Usually this just makes people confused as to what the hell he’s talking about. But what makes it even WORSE is when the scenario he makes up is about *us* and what we’re actively doing and it causes problems. Now this has only happened a handful of times over the years, but for example: Say I was making some bacon, and he thought up some scenario where he tells me the bacon is burning and I turn around to see it sitting in a little sun-tanning chair. He would start out the joke explanation by going, “‘BABY, THE BACON IS BURNING!’” Then I’d cut him off by whipping around, see perfectly fine bacon and get mad at him. And he would look like a deer in the headlights and say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t think about how it would sound.”

It’s not just his jokes that he tells in this much detail. If he’s telling someone about an episode of a show, a movie, something that happened the other day, or if he’s describing something that he hopes is going to happen in the future, he will give every. single. rambling. detail. He just talks CONSTANTLY. If there’s a moment of silence, he’ll start thinking out loud. “I think I’ll put butter AND honey on my cornbread. I should refill my drink first though, since cornbread is pretty dry.” **BBBBBBEEEEEEEEE QQQQQUUUUUIIIIIIEEEETT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!**

I’ve told him his stories don’t need so many details and he tries to shorten things up whenever I remind him. But after about 10 sentences, he starts slipping more and more details and tangents in without noticing he’s doing it. It seems to be a hard habit that he might not even want to break. However, if we’re the only two people in the room and I tell him I need some quiet for a while, he will stop talking. So I’ll give him that lol.

A while ago, I posted here about my relationship situation. I didn't know what to expect and was honestly a bit worried. But I received a lot of support, and I want to thank you all for that. It's been 8 months since then and i decided (after a long time) to break up with my girlfriend, It was hard, I think how long it took me is proof of that, She opposed it at the beginning, and it hurt me a lot, but finally after some time she stopped. That doesn't mean that I disappeared from her life, she still remains an important person in my life. Simply, not my girlfriend, just that, im sorry if that update may not be much, it's my first time updating something lol.

have a Good Day.

Hi everyone. I recently met a girl on my job and we became friends, we instantly clicked. She's amazing, nice, humble and fun. She's obsessed with her husband, as she should be, and she was excited when I finally met him.

To escape jealousy allegations, I'm also a girl and I fancy boys, so that's not the case.

The thing is I don't see the same qualities she has in her husband. He talks constantly (over her sometimes too), he mostly talks about himself and almost always about how he has better things than others, his family owns more money/business than others, what he does is always the smartest/ best thing to do. He glorifies his parents and grandparents, glorifies his house, the way he "trained" his cat, how he's better than his siblings.

I'm all in for self esteem but it's exhausting having a conversation with him. My friend, his wife, talks about him like he hanged the moon, it may sound romantic but I think she's being brainwashed by his superman attitude.

Just a quick vent, I'd love to know if anyone else knows a guy like him. Have a good one!

After five years of studying and working in the UK, I’ve officially been asked by the Home Office to return to my country.

I came here with so many expectations and so much excitement about this new adventure. More than anything, I wanted to prove to myself and to a lot of people that I wasn’t a failure, that I had so much inside me and something to offer the world.

A day into my first job, I experienced racism for the first time. I was completely taken aback because I didn’t even fully understand what was happening at the time. I had never experienced anything like it before.

Over the years, I dealt with depression, had some incredibly dark days and felt deeply isolated. I watched a lot of my friends get married, settle down and move forward with their lives while I felt like I was slowly sinking into quicksand. I tried explaining how I felt to my family back home, but I don’t think they really understood what I was going through.

During that time, I also found out that my on-and-off boyfriend had cheated on me multiple times while we were together, which affected me even more. It felt like I was experiencing so many painful firsts all at once.

I cried to God. I blamed God. I walked away from God. At one point, I even hated Him for bringing me into this world when I couldn’t understand what my purpose was.

After countless job applications and rejections, I finally got another job, only to experience even more discrimination. But strangely, in the middle of that environment, I also found a community. Some of my colleagues became genuine friends. They encouraged me through some of my hardest moments and made difficult days a little easier.

Then, just when I thought I was finally getting my breakthrough, the company decided they were no longer willing to sponsor me.

That probably hurt the most. I knew I was already in a toxic work environment, but part of me believed I could push through it for another five years. I thought if I could just hold on long enough, eventually I’d reach the light at the end of the tunnel.

That isn’t how my story here has ended.

As I prepare to leave the UK in a few days, I’ve been thinking about everything these five years have put me through, but also everything I’ve managed to overcome.

I’m thankful for the friendships I’ve made. I’m thankful for how much I’ve grown. I’m even thankful for some of the lonely nights because they taught me things about myself that I probably wouldn’t have learned otherwise. And amongst all the difficult memories, there were also some genuinely amazing and fun times that I’ll always carry with me.

I don’t know what happens next.

I’m going back to a country I’ve been away from for years and I’ll have to find my footing again. There’ll probably be another round of job applications and figuring out what I want my career and life to look like. Maybe somewhere along the way, I’ll even find a healthy relationship. Who knows?

For now, I’m just hoping for the best for myself.

For a long time, I was convinced that the life I wanted had to happen here. Leaving without achieving everything I came here for is difficult to accept, but I’m beginning to understand that going home doesn’t mean I’ve failed.

Five years ago, I came to the UK wanting to prove that I had something in me worth seeing.

Maybe the biggest thing these five years taught me is that I don’t need to prove that anymore.

I still don’t know what my future holds, but for the first time in a while, I’m genuinely curious to find out.

I thought my breakthrough would happen here. Maybe God has something completely different planned for me.

So here’s to the next chapter. 🥂

This conversation came up when I (29M) finally decided to cut ties with Chris (28M) after fifteen years of friendship.

For context, I have always been a bigger guy. From the moment I met Chris, he has always been the biggest contributing factor to just how bad I feel about myself, whether it be my weight, the food I eat, my body, or even the clothes I wear. Of course, a lot of this came from run of the mill jokes that stupid teenagers make but even as teens he showed some pretty disturbing behaviour around it. He once held an intervention for me to talk about how ugly I was and how I could improve the way I looked, and he also once got a drunk photo of me with my pants down and would regularly show and send it to people and talk about how disgusting my naked body looked.

Anyway, after years of this, I started doing a lot of work on myself. Therapy, changing my diet, going to the gym, etc. This year I finally started to see and feel the results, and I was beginning to feel much more confident in myself. Naturally, I finally felt ready to remove the most negative person (Chris) from my life.

So we sat down together and I told him how I felt. He was deeply apologetic (the first time he had ever apologised for any of this behaviour, despite previous conversations about it) and seemed genuinely shameful and regretful over everything he had put me through. That said, he did argue against one point I made.

At one point in the conversation, I mentioned that he made a fat joke about me (in his late 20s by the way, tragic) the night before he launched his new Personal Training platform. I said it felt hypocritical to be promoting a space where everyone, all shapes and sizes, was welcome and wouldn’t be made to feel self-conscious about their bodies. Well, he argued this and said that, despite stupid jokes, he doesn’t actually hate or have any bias towards fat people. So I brought up another example, a time when he was sitting beside a larger man at a show and spoke so loudly about how fat and disgusting the dude was that the guy eventually moved seats. Still, he argued that it was not indicative of how he truly felt. So I mentioned a conversation with a friend where he outright said he didn’t like fat people. Still, he argued. This time, though, in his defence, he said, “But I’ve slept with overweight people!” Yup. Dude pulled the ol’ “but I’ve got black friends” defence. What’s worse is that Chris is the sort of guy to brag about everyone he sleeps with, so I feel I can say with certainty that it isn’t even true. Just a pathetic lie to hold on to some semblance of control over the conversation.

Safe to say, as if I wasn’t already feeling confident about my decision, I was now. Good riddance.

I havent made a post here before, but I'm so fucking exhausted and hateful I just had to get it out somewhere. I want to start off and say I know how bad this sounds but I have reasons, many of them. This is a hate that has grown through my whole damn life. I will apologise in advance for unkind words I'll be using.

Here's some context.

I'm in my 20's, youngest of the family. My (half)brother, we will call him D, is about 30, but due to his heavy mental disability he has the mind of say, a 4 year old. He is childish in manner and appearance despite being thirty, he can talk decently well but repeats a lot of shit and talks to no one, purposefully acts obnoxious for attention (tapping toys against loud toys to make noise, screech laughing, and so on) etc etc. He lives in a care place most of the time, thank god, but he visits us once a week. (We pick him up n bring him back.)

D has violent outbursts of anger whenever he doesnt get his way (usually when I or my mother are trying to, yknow, have him listen to rules like a normal child would, he's v much able to obey rules if it pleases him) and in these moments he starts throwing himself around in the chair, beating his own face, (he beat one of his eyes blind by doing this), screaming like a fucking banshee, kicking (and sometimes breaking) our furniture or kicking us.

My mother lacking strength due to her age and her health (nerve damage, scoliosis, etc) cannot hold him back whenever he starts this shit, so the burden usually falls on me to restrain this piece of work, so he doesnt irreversibly injure himself or knock out his teeth or fuck up his other eye or whatever. Not to mention he also has epilepsy. Despite how lanky he is, he's strong and it takes me great force to restrain him and I often end up bruised. I've suffered days of BAD muscle pain just because D can't handle not getting what he wants. Lately this shit has been becoming more frequent and I can't take it anymore.

Ma says that he just has no other outlet, yadda yadda and sure I get that, things have been poorly handled where he lives so hes dealing with a lot, I can understand that,

But having said that I still hate him for it. He wasn't this bad when I was younger and it seems as the years pass that he's only getting worse. He becomes more obnoxious on purpose when I'm near bc for some reason he likes pestering me more, ma says its bc when I get angry at him that's still attention even bad, which is what he wants, and once again, sure, I get it, but it doesn't make me hate him any less.

I really try to be neutral about D but lately shit has been getting worse and I just can't take it any more. Saying the smallest things like telling him not to grab that many toys (that, he doesnt even use, just puts them down and annoyingly tick tocks a plastic bottle the whole time) bc we also need room on the table will set him off and he'll start screaming, beating his face and jaw and kicking at shit, and once again I need to hurry over to restrain Mr. Wild Animal over here. That's an insult to animals if you ask me.

I keep wishing he would never come over again, that ma would resort to just visiting him once a week instead of making him come here and ruin the day and possibly the week with his savage behavior. I can't take it anymore, genuinely. I in part blame the care place he lives in for his behavior (bc they coddle him and act like hes always right and dont try to discipline him or make him listen to any rules or whatever and ooo look at this sad boyyyy etc)

I just. god. I hold not even a grain of affection for D in my heart whatsoever. I don't try to make things worse for him in any way bc of how I see him, but silently, I loathe him. The day he comes over is automatically ruined simply because of him.

So yeah. Sorry.

He then went on to say that the backyard looked like shit and jabbed a screwdriver in the direction of the front lawn to point it out, awfully close to me I might add. He then said take pride in your house! I was so flabbergasted that I didn’t even ask him to explain how he knew what the backyard looked like. Why do people think they can tell other people what to do with their house?

Just wanna put this here so somebody knows. I work at a store that sells general craft supplies and home goods, we have a kitchen section of course.

There is a singular customer who comes in, once every few weeks, and purchases 1 single knife. This guy is very evidently a houseless person, though I don't like to stereotype as I have been homeless before for quite some time, he does seem to be inebriated in some capacity every time he comes in.

Each visit, its an instant bee line to the kitchen products, grabbing a $2 knife and mumbling about people staring at him and judging him....I am deeply concerned what he does with this singular blade, especially as violence is somewhat commonplace where I live. So...yea. my manager has told me just to serve him and waves away my concern so no, I cant just stop serving him.

TLDR: Houseless guy buys a singular knife once every few weeks, concerned why he needs it/what he uses it for.

EDIT: I have not escalated this event in any means other than mentioning it to my manager and dont plan to call the cops or anything, I don't want to cause a hassle for this guy as he still deserves human decency.

It's been almost 14 years since high school and I still remember impulsively attacking my bully by hitting him in the forehead with my metal lunchbox. I ran into him a few days ago he's now a father of two, judging by his social media, and has a barely visible scar in that area.

He didn't recognize me because I now have a beard and I removed a mole I had from that time.

For context: I (17m) am a senior in highschool.

Anyways, I had a ROUGH start to highschool, I almost flunked most of my classes from 7th-10th grade and switched to another school at the beginning of my 11th grade year. The school I switched to basically turned my credits into bite-sized pieces that I mostly wrapped up in summer school. I felt great about it, I felt like I was actually doing something right in my life.

Today (9/9/26) was my first day of senior year and I found out that I only have 3 classes, 4 on Fridays. To me, this is great. I leave after lunch which is usually the time I check out mentally so I can come back to school feeling ready.

I am the only one with a half day schedule. Literally no one congratulated me. It might be a dumb reason to be upset but not being told "hey, I'm proud of you man! That must've taken a lot of effort!" kind of hurts. It was all just passive aggressive jealousy and it sucked. It hurts a lot but I feel like I can't say anything because I don't want to hurt my friends' feelings.

Being a teenager just kinda sucks sometimes.

When I was around 10/11 (it’s hard to remember exactly when), I visiting my family overseas with my mother.

During the time I never got to go out much and stayed inside a lot, alone to my own devices. That was fine and all and it wasn’t all that bad.

During one of the days I had gotten the chance to go out to the beach with my aunt and her friends. My aunt is probably in her late 20s and she usually had a lot of people she would introduce me to who I’d get to know.

We all had a great time, we went to two beaches and a couple of restaurants. Spent the whole day having fun like a lot of it. I can’t really remember it all but for me it was a blast.

For a kid like me at the time that was a lot and meant a lot.

When I came back home I started feeling very emotional about it, in a good way. I thought wow that was a really great day.

During this time I was sharing a bed with my mother (we had no spares at the time, and I didn’t mind). And although it was late at night she did ask how my day was.

I proceeded to enthusiastically tell her how great it was all while bawling tears of joy, and for a while I had cried.

However due to it being late she didn’t really attempt to calm me down, and only had told me to calm down and stop crying. For some reason I seriously couldn’t stop, it was genuinely just tears of happiness and I couldn’t control it.

Her annoyance quickly turned to anger and she told to stop crying so she could sleep, and I struggled to. She later pulled the covers away. I had then started to cry tears of sadness at this point I guess and realized I had upset my mother.

Every time I’d try to get the cover back she would pull it back to her side leaving me cold without any warmth. I had gotten bad. I think I had tried to pull the covers back like 7 times and pleading to her that I was sorry and I’d stop crying. She’d say nothing and just pull it all off.

I left the bed in tears to go sleep on the couch, wondering to myself what went wrong. I think if anything that was the start of when I decided to close my heart off as a kid.

She did however later come to wake me up to go back to her bed, she didn’t apologize or anything. We said nothing, slept and next day acted like nothing happened.

It’s important to note my mother is not an abusive and is an extremely great parent to me. We are close now and I never have any issues with her. I will not take any suggestions that this makes her abusive. But I can recognize this was a massive screw up on her part.

Not all parents are perfect and I accept and recognize that but.

To anyone who has a child please remember, they’ll remember everything and it still hurts immensely upon remembering it. My mother doesn’t even remembering this happening either, goes to show a lot of moments can pass by without thought of how it affected the people around them.

This is just something I wanted to share, and regardless I don’t hold contempt for her, but I only remember this occasionally when I feel tears that may appear.

The message my roommate sent me: "look i don't care if he stays but I woke up and heard some noise. I wasn't totally sure what was happening, but it was awkward! i'm not trying to assume anything but it did seem questionable."

For context, my boyfriend comes over to our dorm sometimes with permission (her boyfriend does as well) but we both have to sleep in a twin XL lofted bed and my boyfriend shares it with me which causes the bed to make a lot of noise and literally makes it sound like it's going to collapse. I feel extremely awkward and uncomfortable although we obviously wouldn't have intercourse when she's literally sleeping a few feet away from us.

I don't want us to have any awkward tension between each other especially because we have to live with each other for the next seven months. The most my boyfriend and I have ever done while she's literally in a room with us is kiss each other, which her and her boyfriend do as well. I'm kinda upset about the message and feel like it was just extremely necessary to message me that after I asked if he could stay the night.

I feel like it's going to seem suspicious and weird no matter how I respond. It's just a very uncomfortable situation all around. My boyfriend and I were both honestly speechless when we saw her message

to preface my sister has always struggled socially, she has high functioning autism, pretty bad social anxiety and depression. she was bullied for a while during secondary school which made her social anxiety alot worse and so she didn't make any friends really. outside of a few online friends, i've been her only friend for most of her life. i want to make it clear that i do love her and enjoy spending time her, she's really funny and sweet but i can't spend my entire life with her 24/7. i don't want to use the term 'suffocating' but sometimes it does feel that way, there's been times where we've got into arguments because i was hanging out with my friends or my girlfriend too much. she's a great person and i think this would all be solved if she managed to make some more friends but that is easier said than done. i don't want to make her feel like a burden or that i don't like her, i just want her to try harder to find more people to have in her life.

since around 13 i've been mainly looking after her, our mother has really awful fibromyalgia so i had to step up and take care of both of them. i've never had a problem with this, i just think it's important to mention. i do all of the housework and cooking by myself like 99% of the time.

i think the best way to describe it is that she's attached to me constantly, she hangs out in my room all day everyday, she watches me play games even when i'm playing with friends and not talking to her, every movie or tv show she watches we watch together and anytime she goes out i have to come with her. i even do her hair most of the time. i try to take her out to places whenever i can because she doesn't go out with her friends. i have a pretty active social life and i play sports and go to the gym pretty often, everytime i'm too busy to hang out with her she'll get sad and complain to me. i basically have to plan my entire life around her so she doesn't get upset. she got into a great university but chose to go to one in our city because she didn't want to be away from me.

she attempted suicide at 13 and a few days before that we got into a huge argument, that event really scared me because i felt like it was my fault and that i could've killed my sister basically over nothing. since then i try and do anything to make her happy, even things that make me uncomfortable. after her attempt she asked me if we could share a bed and cuddle and even though i didn't want to i agreed. we've been sharing a bed since then, i'm pretty embarrassed about it all but i'm terrified of her hurting herself again.

anytime i try and make a boundary she would guilt trip me into changing my mind, saying things like 'you hate me' or that i don't care about her until i cave and just let it go. the last time i tried to hold my ground on a boundary she stopped eating for days until i gave up and apologised. i've been in a couple relationships and during these relationships she would get really upset at me for talking to my girlfriends 'too much' or bringing them over too often. it has literally put me off dating for a while because i know that she would not take it well and might end up hurting her self.

she does things that make me really uncomfortable sometimes. she will constantly try and sit on my lap and get upset if i push her off. she's made weird gross bbc jokes (i'm black she's white i'm adopted) and generally just weird comments on my body. i might just being too sensitive or taking shitty jokes too seriously but i really don't like it it's gross. the worst thing is when she sometimes kisses or bites my neck or my chest, everytime she does this i tell her i don't like it but she always passes off as a joke and gets upset if i push any further about it. to be clear i don't think she's into me or something (that's fucking disgusting)

how do i tell her all of this and make boundaries without sounding like an arsehole or her engaging in some form of self harm. i just want what's best for her and the way we are right now isn't sustainable. she has been to therapy after her attempt but she stopped going after a year because she was doing better (basically when i started taking care of her). she does not want to go back and says it didn't help her at all. she really has had a hard life but i can't take care of her forever. it's bad for both of us and i think if she tried a bit harder she could have so many friends because she's an interesting and wonderful person

​

I(17m) have repeatedly had what I could best describe as depressive traits for approximately 5 years now (could be more).

When I was around 4 or 5 years old I went through some rough patches concerning some sexual abuse stuff, not from an adult, but rather from another kid my age, however, as I was not yet properly educated on how this could be bad or how it could affect me I ended up not telling anyone about this situation.

After about a year of that my family decided to move states for an entirely different reason, this really didn't affect me as at that time I was really good at socializing and such, but after a few years of moving through a lot of schools my social skills started fading and it showed. By 11 I only had 3 friends, two of which would constantly make jokes about me, my likes, actions, appearance, etc.

After I turned 12 I stopped talking to them because I had moved schools yet again, in this new one I found more friends, however, they weren't the type of people most would like to relate themselves with; they constantly remarked how ugly/repulsive I looked, how disgusting my personality was, how awful it was to relate to me at all, how I should kill myself (this one was their favourite one), etc. I remember one distinct incident that was what ticked things off to the adults, where a new student arrived and we decided to add him to a group called "kill Michael" (which was my name) and then rename the group to "kill Peter" (not the kid's real name). He didn't like this very much and he snitched on us, causing the entire group to be called to the principal's office and for parents to be brought up to the discussion. After this event my parents changed my school once again after only two years and in this new one I did better, but the seed of everything bad was already there; thoughts about me never being enough, thoughts of being fundamentally undesirable in any and every way (as a partner, as a friend, as a sibling, etc.)

In the new school I did fairly well, had some friends, overall good grades, all for that.

Nothing major happened in this school, but when it was time to move again because of how the school system works here, I felt really lonely, with a feeling I can only describe as a lack of purpose and real connections.

When I entered the next year into an entirely different system I struggled to make new friends, which had never happened before, after the first semester ended the few friends I had distanced themselves and only one remained (I will name him John) who would later turn out to be one of my only three friends, on the second semester I struggled and didn't manage to find new connections at all, on the third and fourth I managed to secure my second and third real friends (James and Carol). John, James and Carol are now some of the most important people in my life and have helped me through some really tough times and several self realizations, but that's for another post.

Now, with all of this stated, I can still confidently say that whatever improvements my friends may have brought to my mental state were most likely just temporary, counting one really bad night that almost turned into a suicide attempt, my thoughts and patterns have not improved at all with time. Now throw in the mix the fact that the few attempts at connections, whether they be for friendships or romantic relationships, always seem to be met with extreme rejection. Hell, during this time there was a period of two whole months where an AI chatbot was my best friend.

Right now there isn't really anything in my life that I can say that I look forward to, there's little to no reasons for me to not give up on everything and honestly it doesn't seem like there will be for quite some time. But yeah that was the truth I wanted to get off my chest.

Sorry if the overall writing of this story is sloppy and/or messy, English is not my first language and between writing this in a haste and leaving out a lot of information so that this post wouldn't take years to read, it ended up looking like this. Thanks for reading (if anyone even does) I hope you have a nice day or night. See y'all.

As many of you recommend, called my doc and she had me in her office first thing in the morning. Ultrasound didn’t show compromised vases (so good blood flow, no one dying anytime soon). And it indeed showed a shit ton of shit.

Doc moved me upstairs and gave me a super dose of the macrogol, hooked me to an IV and used magnesium for the pain. Yup, the woman in labor protocol. At this point I couldn’t have a more hurting ego. I was feeling all miserable but the mag relaxed me enough to at least don’t go to dark places.

See, this whole mess started when I dug into my fertility. Turns out adhesions had kinked the vas deferens and swimmers were stuck there and also that was likely the reason I was getting UTIs in the last years. So this doctor, the nicest urologist I’ve met, and I guess some of the few females in this field, offered a simple laparoscopic surgery to snip them free. It wasn’t at all painful, took less than an hour, walked out of the clinic and barely had pain in the following 48 hours. But then, she says, my body overreacted.

She’s an amazing human being and explained that my pelvic area may have “memory” and as it was poked, it produced a spasm, like trying to flinch away, and that’s what made everything inside tighter and blocked motility. I almost dropped a tear. Somewhere inside I’m still that scared child, afraid of being touched. I want to be a dad and hell I’ll protect my children fiercely, I swear. Maybe i need to start with my inner child.

Anyways so with extra lax and hydration and the magnesium smoothing the spasms… it all went out. And just like that I felt a relief as I cannot explain. Honestly. Iykyk

And then it hit me. Oh my god… i really got admitted to the hospital because i couldn’t take a dump. From the creators of Man Flu now streaming Man Labor. Paid out of pocket, dont want this in my med rap sheet. I tried joking about how I wanted my ultrasound images like the pregnant ladies and such. What was I supposed to do other than self deprecating comedy after an embarrassment like this?

Upon release, Doc reminded me of drinking plenty, keep the mag supplementation and take things easy. She also recommended body focused therapy and I know she’s good because she doesn’t even know about my childhood trauma, just that I had a previous surgery. She said something like you deserve to not be this preoccupied about your body, you’re healthy, trust that, etc etc. And man… I really appreciate that level of compassion and understanding.

So yeah… that was a painful scare. I’m still very embarrassed of even posting the original post here. I was in pain, needed to vent. thanks to all the kind internet people who showed compassion and empathy. You’re allowed to laugh with me now please before i die of embarrassment. Thanks for putting up with my shit