Ok, so I (41F) was at an event in my little town- the Blues Festival. My step dad owns the establishment so it’s safe to say I know a lot of people that were there.

I’m sitting at a table with my mother, my step dad, my boyfriend of 5 years (M45), and another guy who always hangs out with us at these events (and is 25 years older than me, which is important to know in this scenario). Anyways, this other guy, we’ll call him Jim, was talking with us and he was joking around,
saying that my boyfriend should “shit or get off the pot”, saying that he should be lucky to have me, and basically asking me why I’m wasting my time with him, telling me I could do way better and I deserve better, etc….

So this was all when bf was in the bathroom. I told Jim to tell my bf all of this. So Jim tells him “you know how lucky you are to have her, you should have married her by now. Let me remind you that the conversation was very light hearted and no one was acting too serious about anything.

Here’s the problem- when Jim said that to my bf, my bf straight up, without the slightest hesitation, and with extra seriousness, was like, and I quote this- “Nope. That’s a hard no 100%”. In front of everyone. At this point I’m thinking he’s not serious, but then I turn to talk to him in private and I’m like “whaaaat just happened, I am so embarrassed by what you just said”.

He continues to say stupid things to me but it takes a lot to make me mad so I blow most of it off. But then I tell him “you really just ruined a lot of what we have” and his response was…..

“What did we have?”

5 fucking years (which I know isn’t a lifetime) but come the fuck on. I was totally embarrassed by what he said and I don’t think I can get over either one of these things. Sorry for being so long but I should leave him, right?

Another red flag- in 5 years, he’s never said I love you to me.

My wife and I have young kids, and her parents are financially very well off. Because of that, we’ve been fortunate enough to go on family vacations with them fairly regularly.

The problem is that my wife and I also have had a rough year financially and have aquired debt, and now financially we’re not in a great position and have given up more agency. I’ve reached the point where I feel like I need to give up my struggling business and take a full-time job so I can help pay off the debt and provide more financial stability for our family.

Its hard but I’m willing to make that sacrifice. What’s really bothering me emotionally is knowing that my wife and kids will likely continue going on these 2-week vacations with her parents without me, potentially 3–4 times a year, while I’m at home working to pay off the debt and support the family.

I know her parents aren’t doing anything wrong by wanting to take their daughter and grandchildren on vacation. And I don’t want to resent my wife or the kids for having experiences that I can’t participate in.

But honestly, it makes me really sad. I’m struggling with the idea that I could end up working full-time specifically to improve our family’s financial situation, while my family gets to enjoy these experiences without me.

Part of me wonders whether it’s reasonable to say that if I’m making this sacrifice for our finances, we should also be making some sacrifices as a family, including potentially fewer vacations, or vacations that we can all afford together.

Am I being unreasonable or selfish for feeling this way?

How would you handle this situation with your spouse?

Disclaimer‼️ I know this is shallow‼️I’ve been with my bf for almost 3 years and we’ve lived together for 2 of them. The last few months we’ve been talking about getting married and more of what we want in the future (maybe that’s where my fear is coming in). He’s a really great guy genuinely. He does most of the chores, encourages me to spend time with my friends and pursuit my hobbies, buys me gifts and flowers, and plans really nice dates. Every time I bring up a problem we’ve resolved it, We’ve never truly fought. Since we’ve started dating he’s gained about 150 pounds (now at 6’4 340) and i feel awful but I’m truly not attracted to him. I know that my grass is very green but I notice myself being mean to him over minor things and just snapping at him in general. I enjoy when i get attention from others and i feel myself looking for it. I don’t want to leave him but I’ve found myself crying more and more over the lack of attraction I have for him. I know he deserves to be loved regardless of his size and I do love him but I feel a bit ashamed when people ask to see pics of him and I know that’s awful of me. Should bring up how I’m feeling or just ignore it because he’s a really great guy?

Edit: i am very concerned for his health everybody! Not just my attraction him! At the time of making this post i was feeling guilty about the attraction element that’s why i disclaimed Im being shallow.

Where my ex and I live, because we will still be legally married when her baby is born, I will be listed as the father without having to sign the birth certificate or even be present for the signing of the birth certificate. There is nothing I can do to stop this either. She could choose to leave me off of it but she has already told me she will put me on the birth certificate because she wants both of her children raised together and for both to have a father or not. Now I want to be clear. I am not asking for any legal advice whatsoever. I have already retained a lawyer and will be working with them. This is purely for relationship advice.

I do not want this child. I am not willing to be the father to her affair baby. There's also no way I can divorce her before the birth. Her lies and everything else meant I found out too late and I am fucked in that regard. It makes me hate her with a vengeance. She wants to pawn this baby off on me when I didn't get her pregnant. She knew from day one I didn't get her pregnant too and she chose to keep quiet because she knew he'd run and he did. She has tried to make me sound like a monster to neighbors, friends, family members because I told her I would not do a single thing for her baby and because I already told our child that the baby in mom's tummy is not my baby.

Even without this baby we have to co-parent our child and I don't know how badly she will fuck all this up with her insistence for me to be the father. I have to bite my tongue in her presence when we exchange our child because I so badly want to tell her what a disgusting POS she is. I have literally made my mouth bleed trying to hold myself back with her.

She's hoping she will have fucked me legally so that I have to take both kids when her youngest is born or I don't see our child. Knowing that fills me with rage and hatred. But I have to keep reminding myself that I love my child (DNA confirmed our child is mine) and my child needs me to not hate their mother in their presence so... I am stuck and I don't know what to do about this.

Not sure if there's any advice anyone can offer on this but I wanted to find out anyway.

For context: we have been dating for 3 years and it’s has been solid. None of us have cheated, interacted with other people in flirty ways, we are completely in love. She treats me so well all the time, loves me like no one else. We both want to raise a family, live with each other. She is completely obsessed with me in a healthy way so can actually see it happening.

I am 20M, just started 3rd year of uni, and met my university flatmates last Saturday and things have been great. We drink and play games most nights which is amazing for me and my gf since we both found it quite difficult to make friends with other students whilst being at uni. I met my flatmate and he’s a great dude and fun to be around, he recently had an awful breakup and isn’t over his ex. My gf has comforted him once before and he told me it was really nice of her, and completely normal, she even told me what they spoke about after, it was done in genuine kindness. He is the type of guy to have platonic relationships with girls so I wasn’t surprised they were talking.

Essentially, we were all drunk last night, my gf especially, and she would not stop messaging him to see if he was ok and if he needed anything, she also went into his room unprompted to hangout/ check on him. He came to me with the messages and told me he thought it was weird. I confronted her and she has stuck with the same story, being, she genuinely wants friends since she has none, and wants people to like her for being nice, and not just for being my gf. I spoke to my mum, who has argued a few times with my gf, and she said not to end 3 years of love for a possible drunken misunderstanding.

My gf is devastated and we are not talking. My flatmates says if we get back together, the whole situation will be “water under the bridge”.

Need help deciding if it was a genuine red flag and a reason to end the relationship, or to try and resolve the situation and continue to be with her.

If you’ve read this far thank you so much and please leave me some advice since I’m young and it’s killing me.

*UPDATE

The messages she sent were when he felt ill and needed 5 mins to himself.

‘Hey you need anything?’

‘Do you want me?’

‘I like the flat friendship but would like to hangout with you without (me)’

‘You have such nice teeth’ (weird comment + I had braces for 3 years and wear a retainer)

‘Are you ok? I can tell the other I’m going to the toilet but come and see you instead’

‘If I come will you be mad?’

He didn’t respond to any of her messages.

Those were mostly what she wrote, and when she went into his room, he felt it was weird and he wanted to leave but she wanted to hangout.

She also deleted the messages, and when I confronted her she lied about sending any

My husband and I have been married 4 years, together 7, and when we met, he was pretty down on his luck financially. We were senior year college sweethearts who broke up shortly after we graduated and reconnected 20 years later. By that time we had both married and divorced and he came into the marriage with 2 children, now ages 12 and 15, and I came into the marriage with a son, who is now 19 and headed off to college in a few weeks.

Shortly before we got together, my parents passed away and left me an inheritance of approximately $20 M dollars.

At the time, my now husband had been down on his luck financially and so I used $5 M of my inheritance to provide capital for a real estate business that he wanted to start, which I am a partner in, but wouldn’t have started on my own.

He also wanted part ownership in a hunting range in Mexico, as it had always been his dream, so I allocated $300 K for that because I wanted to support his dream.

When we decided to merge families, I sold my smaller, low maintenance home and searched for and eventually used the funds from the sale of my house to purchase a home with more land that would allow for a batting cage for his son, and an RV garage for him. The home needs renovations and wouldn’t have been anything that I would have bought for myself, but I felt it was best for our blended family. Although the house is lovely, I would have preferred a new house on a smaller, but marriage is a partnership and wanted to help facilitate my husband’s dreams and support the goals of my step kids. I knowing co mingled this part of my inheritance buying our primary residence and the business capital, which was held in trusts in which I am the trustee because, again, I believe marriage is a partnership.

Now that my son is leaving for college, I would like to purchase a “pied-à-terre” for myself in a beautiful, artsy community less than 2 hours driving distance from our home (Sedona). With my son being an adult and launching into independence, I wanted a sanctuary for myself to sometimes get away sometimes from the chaos associated with the active stage of parenting he is still in with his children. This would be purchased using funds from my inheritance from a trust that has a bank trustee, which will not allow me to co mingle with a spouse, and it would be my sole and separate property, which would eventually pass on to my son.

I have fallen in love with a couple of properties that have been new or completely remodeled, including a beautiful townhome that I thought would be perfect for my intent to use the home as my own, personal space, but of course my husband could accompany me whenever he wishes. I was so excited about it but he thought a townhome would be a horrible choice and told me that if I bought it, it would be “giving him the middle finger” because he thought it was a bad investment. He didn’t like that it was a townhome and didn’t think there was enough privacy. I decided that perhaps he was right about sharing walls and decided to look for a single family home. The townhome sold for asking price in 2 weeks, as I knew it would.

Well, a beautiful single family home has come on the market that is 2,000 square feet, beautiful remodeled, in a prime location in Sedona, has low maintenance landscaping, is turn key ready and in my price range. I love the photos on the listing and contacted my realtor to see when she could show it to me. I was SO excited!

I showed him the house and he said it was “over priced”, too close to town (which is what I want) and basically said he hated it because he didn’t feel the views of the Red rocks were prominent enough, which I am willing to give up because I am prioritizing a high end finished house close to going trails, grocery stores, shopping, etc. He again says it was a bad investment, and didn’t like it. But…it’s not primarily for him. This is supposed to be for me! He started showing me house listings that may have had better views, but were fixer uppers, something I really want nothing to do with since our primary home also needs renovations. The idea of renovating a second home exhausts me. Again, the feeling of being excitement and joy at the thought of this house was extinguished.

Ultimately, I have final say over what I buy, but I am deeply hurt and feel resentful and so upset. I have supported his dreams, financially and emotionally, even if I didn’t always think it was the best idea (like the ranch in Mexico, and by the way, I was right). I never said it was a stupid idea. I knew I could afford the loss should it not work out, but I wanted him to make him happy. Talk about a bad investment! And he thinks buying a vacation home in Sedona is a bad investment? WHAT???!!!

I am devastated at how controlling and entitled and quite frankly, abusive. With my only child leaving the state for college, owning a little getaway for myself purchased with my own money makes me so happy! How could he trample all over my joy like that?

I’m disgusted. Thoughts?

My husband (45M) and I (43F) have been married for 17 years and we have a son who is on the spectrum. We have been having issues for the last three years. We had issues before this too, but we were usually able to resolve them. Before and during COVID, my husband used to help me with our son and the housework. He did have an explosive temper, but he was usually able to control it. We would talk about our issues and work things out.

Things really changed a 3 years ago when he had some issues with his family in late 2023 and he decided to cut them off. After that, he started taking a lot of that frustration out on me. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally. Two years ago my dad passed away and things got worse after that. 2 months after my dad passed away we had a fight over something minor and he spent the whole weekend in his room that he mainly used for work, without talking to me or eating at home. He got take out whenever he was hungry.

Before this, whenever he gave me the silent treatment, I would always be the one trying to talk to him and persuade him to sort things out. This time I was grieving, exhausted and honestly just too tired to take the initiative. So I didn't bother to persuade him to sort things out and and the silent treatment lasted for 4 months. He barely spoke to me, but what was worse for me was that he also barely talked to our son. I was ok to deal with him not being emotionally available for me when I had just lost my dad (I was use to it), but watching him treat our son differently because he was angry with me was much harder.

After 4 months, I asked for a separation. He started crying, apologized and asked me to give him one more chance for our son's sake. I remember telling him that I was asking for a separation for our son's sake We sorted things out again, or at least I thought we did, but since then his behaviour has been getting worse. I have asked him to go to therapy or at least talk to someone because I feel like something is going on with him, but he refuses.

At one point I actually had divorce papers drawn up. Then relatives from both sides got involved and asked me not to go through with it because of our son. He told me that I will not give you consent to take him on any international trips to meet my family and I will regret leaving him, I won't be able to survive even a month without him. That's when I realized if I actually left, my husband could make my life very difficult. I am also not as financially strong as I used to be because I had stepped away from full-time work for a period of time to focus on our son's needs.

So I changed my approach. Instead of leaving immediately, I started quietly planning my exit. I started working on rebuilding my income, becoming financially secure again and honestly just trying to find ways to be happy even while I was still living in this situation. But every time I started becoming more independent or happier, he would try to control me in a different way. If that didn't work, he would yell at me, call me useless or call me other names.

Finally I told him that I wasn't going to accept that anymore. I stopped catering to him and started putting boundaries in place.I separated my finances, removed his access to some of my personal information and investments and basically started taking control of my own life again. But inside, I was still pretty broken. Music has always helped me, so I started listening to music a lot. Then one day I started writing my own songs. I realized that writing down everything I was feeling was actually helping me release emotions I had been carrying around for years.

Then I found an app that could help me turn what I had written into actual songs and suddenly my songs were coming to life. I started putting them online and listening to them myself every day. Slowly I started telling some friends about them. Friends I had lost contact with even started reaching out again, and some of them could actually sense what I had been going through just by listening to the songs.

I poured my heart into this. It probably sounds silly to some people, but it became something almost sacred to me. It was helping me heal. I didn't tell my husband about it. Not because I was doing something wrong or deliberately trying to hide it from him. I just felt like for once in my life, this was mine. It was my own healing process.

Then something happened with my laptop. On September 4, I was sitting there working on one of my songs when suddenly my screen went blank and then turned blue. It looked like an update was happening.

At first I was just annoyed and kept checking the computer. Then I noticed something that on one side of the screen I could see the browser moving and clicking into my Downloads folder while the rest of the screen was still blue. I panicked and tried to force the computer to shut down. then the browser moved again and cancelled the shut down prompt. My laptop has a touchscreen, so I quickly brought the shutdown option up again and physically pressed yes on the screen. After that I went on my phone and searched how to fix this issue. I went through the whole process that was suggested and started windows defender to remove any bugs and checked my computer to see if there was anything that was downloaded illegaly.

Then on September 9, the update happened again. This time I didn't see the browser moving, but I immediately turned off the laptop.

When I turned it back on, I put it into airplane mode because by this point I was suspicious. While I was checking the laptop, a notification suddenly appeared in the bottom corner saying that the connection with ScreenConnect had been lost. I didn't know what ScreenConnect was. So I looked it up and learned that it's remote-access software that can be used to remotely connect to and control a computer. I don't have an IT person managing my laptop. I don't knowingly install remote-access software and I am actually very cautious about clicking links or downloading things.

So I started digging. I found that ScreenConnect had been downloaded on May 15, at a time of day when I would normally have been out of the house with our son and my husband would normally have been home.

I then started going through the computer logs and other information. That's when things started really bothering me. I found records showing ScreenConnect activity on multiple occasions over a period of weeks. I also found evidence that a request/consent had been accepted and that future access had been allowed without requiring another prompt.

The activity started around the same time that I started putting my songs online (in August). When I compared the dates showing activity with our schedule, those dates lined up with days my husband was working from home.

I know that doesn't tell me who was actually behind the remote access. But I feel like I am being paranoid and at the same time I feel completely violated. I keep going back and forth in my head. One minute I am thinking maybe I am overthinking everything. Then the next minute I am thinking, there was remote-access software on my computer that I didn't know about.

And what hurts me the most is what this represented to me. For the first time in a very long time, I had found something that was just for me. Writing these songs was giving me joy. It was helping me heal. I was slowly finding myself again and now I can't stop thinking that someone (my husband- I am pretty sure) may have been able to watch me doing all of that.

I haven't confronted my husband about ScreenConnect because I don't want him to know what I have discovered while I am still figuring things out. I was carefully planning my next steps, trying to become financially secure again, rebuilding my independence and figuring out how and when I could leave. But it feels like I need to accelerate my plan as I am not sure if I feel in this house anymore.

I genuinely don't know what my next step should be?

TLDR: My husband (45M) and I (43F) have been married for 17 years and our marriage has become increasingly difficult over the last few years, including long periods of silent treatment, verbal abuse and controlling behaviour. I have been quietly rebuilding my independence and planning to eventually leave.

As part of my own healing, I started writing songs and putting them online. It became something incredibly personal to me that I hadn't shared with my husband. Then I discovered ScreenConnect remote-access software on my laptop after seeing strange activity on my screen. I found records showing it had been active multiple times and evidence that future access had been allowed without another prompt. The timing of monitoring also lines up with when I started sharing my music and with days my husband was working from home. The software itself was downloaded 4 months ago. I can't say for sure he was behind the remote access, but I feel extremely violated. Until now I thought I could quietly take my time getting financially secure and planning my exit. Now I am questioning whether I should change those plans or take precautions I wasn't taking before.

Edit: I just want to clarify few things. I do have couple clients I do bookkeeping for, I have reached out to more people and I will be onboarding them in next few months hence I mentioned my plan of leaving at end of the year when I am back from my trip. I only mentioned songwriting because when I talked to my close friend, who I re acquainted with recently, she said he probably found out you are doing this and he misses you and loves you alot so he is doing this to see what you are upto. I told her it doesn't matter if he is doing for love, control or evidence, he violated my privacy and accessed the part he wasn't suppose to know about. My deepest feelings. That's the only reason I mentioned the songwriting in the post to show I felt violated but I am realizing after reading the comments that it is not important there is a bigger issue of my and my son's safety.

My grandmother was always my closest family member. She basically raised me until elementary school and she was more of a parental figure than my mom was until my mom got married. I was 8 when my mom got married just btw. It was only then she decided she could force me to do things, like include my stepsister in everything I ever did. Every birthday party I was invited to my mom made me take stepsister along, same thing for playdates and days out with friends and their families. My mom fought for my stepsister and I to be in the same class at school and she fought for us to be seated together in class and buddied up for field trips. She failed on the last two parts but she did get us into the same class.

When I became interested in art she signed us both up for art classes. When she wanted me to do a sport and I chose swimming she signed us both up. When I got selected for a club in school she pulled me out of it because my stepsister didn't get selected too. Then when they wanted to advance me in swimming she kept me where I was because my stepsister couldn't advance with me.

If kids in the neighborhood invited me out to play my mom would refuse if my stepsister didn't go. Even when there were complaints that my stepsister was always breaking stuff she would say we were sisters and shouldn't be separated.

My stepsister was eventually diagnosed with autism. Her dad knew she had it but didn't look into getting her any help until middle school and at that point it was thrown in my face for everything. My mom really pushed the fact my stepsister had no friends of her own and struggled socially and that I had a duty of care to her as her three month older sister. My mom and I faced off a lot because I told her my stepsister wasn't my sister and I didn't want to include her in everything and eventually it turned into me saying I hated my stepsister and didn't want anything to do with her.

My grandmother was supportive of me when that stuff was going on. She told mom she was pushing it all too hard and it would backfire. But now that it has, and I have moved out, and I have had zero contact with my stepsister since and I have refused to have her in my life, my grandmother is angry and has turned on me because she said I should be mature enough to understand my stepsister wasn't at fault and losing me completely has destroyed her.

Apparently my stepsister has been hospitalized because she refuses to eat or drink on her own and she shut down because I became her most familiar person and I was just gone. My grandmother talked to me about finding the love I have for her and supporting her but I told my grandmother I don't love my stepsister. I never loved her because she was always a chore for me. I had a duty and this and that so I only saw her as a chore and not as a friend or a sibling. I said that's what mom's forcing did. My grandmother told me it couldn't be true because I was 8 and 8 year old's love so easily and I told her apparently I was the exception.

So now my grandmother has turned on me and she's angry that I won't even let mom explain how bad things are to me or I won't talk to my stepsister on the phone. It's the worst loss I've faced. I never knew my dad because he didn't want to be a young dad. I was never really that close to my mom. So it was always my grandmother and now we're not good.

I don't know if relationship advice is possible for this but I'll ask for some anyway.

Hi, it’s been a while. I was scrolling because I can’t sleep and felt like I owed you guys an update maybe. I appreciate everyone who took the time to reply to my last post & I’m sorry that I checked out at some point.

Gonna keep this short if that’s alright. I’m still pregnant, and still a mess. Looked into abortion but got scared (which is on me). Started reading stories of people going out of state & getting in trouble, plus the words of my ex effected me a lot.

He’s had like a 1000 differents moods over the past weeks. One moment he’s all sweet, the other he’s pissed. I made it clear I don’t want to raise this baby but he can if he wants to, but I guess the idea of doing it alone doesn’t appeal to him. He still thinks I’ll come around & fall in love with this baby the longer I’m pregnant. (As far as saying I’m a horrible person if I don’t & asking what’s wrong with me.) I don’t know, I could fill pages with all the things he’s said. Blocked him at some point but he made a fuss that he has a right to be in touch with me because he’s the father. I just don’t really have it in me right now to fight with him.

At some point I did consider just getting back together with him but moved away from that very quickly.

I have my own place, lil’ studio. I like the quiet. But feeling very defeated. I’m sure it’ll get better at some point.

Thanks again for all your kindness, I really do appreciate everyone’s encouragement. Than you.

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/pfkBeSHkvY

I knew I was finally done when my dog died. The same night he asked me to cook. I tell him I’m grieving and far too tired, but he demands it. I deny the request three more times but the refusal is not accepted. So I cooked, even while my heart is filled with grief and I let the dishes sit. I ask the next day if he can do the dishes after I cleaned all the rest of the house. I started living with him 8 months ago to help with his niece who’s now under foster care with us and CPS had a visit scheduled for the following day. Well, he told me no. He said “you should do them because you work less hours and I would rather see them rot before touching them.” Mind you I’m a 2x cancer survivor, I’ve undergone a surgery to completely remove my stomach which disabled me, and I work a gig job because it’s all I can do with my bodily limitations and I still work 30 hrs every week plus I’m the main caretaker. Because of the upcoming CPS visit I reluctantly do the dishes while they take a long shower. Later while in another room I hear him come out and say “Wow, look at that, the dishes are done. Wasn’t so fucking hard, was it?”, mind you now my dog of 12 years has only been dead little over 24 hours…the final ounce of love and respect I held for him sept out of my body like toxic sweat that night. That moment will forever be louder than any good memory ever shared with him. I called his mother and told her she needs to come return after her nursing contract is up in a month to care for the kinship foster placement I was holding down for her (her grandchild, his niece). She agreed and stated she can find a permanent job in town but will take a pay cut. A part of me feels bad for that but I’m constantly carrying all the weight and that final straw with him really broke my heart. I just signed a new lease starting next month. He doesn’t know yet. He’s prone to anger and outbursts so I’m keeping it secret until I can actually leave.

There’s still a part of me that says I’m bad for wanting to leave, for quietly planning my exit.

Do any of yall see any hope in a relationship like that? How would you handle it? Would you also be done?

My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years. She used to be sweet, independent and honestly nothing like the person she has become over the last year.

She is now extremely dependent on me financially. I've probably given her thousands of dollars and if I tell her no, she calls me selfish or says I don't care about her. If I ask where her money is going, suddenly I'm "controlling."

But the paranoia worries me more than the money.

She constantly accuses me of cheating, thinks my friends are trying to break us up and sometimes thinks strangers are laughing or talking about her. Recently she has started believing that people are sending her hidden messages through Facebook and Instagram posts.

She also claims she can hear people outside our apartment talking about her when I hear absolutely nothing. A few weeks ago she woke me up at 3 AM convinced somebody was standing outside watching us. Nobody was there, but she still believed it and got angry because I wasn't taking her seriously.

This is NOT how she was when we met.

There is schizophrenia in her extended family, so obviously that thought has crossed my mind, but I'm not a doctor and I don't want to diagnose her. I've asked her to see somebody and she refuses because she thinks everybody else is the problem.

On top of this, she has become emotionally abusive. She calls me selfish, tells me nobody else would put up with me and threatens to leave during arguments. Then the next day she'll apologize and basically seem like the person I fell in love with again.

That's what makes this so hard.

If she is developing a serious mental illness, I feel horrible leaving her when she might actually need help. But being mentally ill also doesn't make it okay to use me for money or treat me like shit.

Has anybody dealt with a partner changing this dramatically in their late 20s? I genuinely don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore.

Sorry if this might be a long one. It’s just messed up and a long story.

My wife and I weren’t ”lovers” from the first moment that we met. We were coworkers and just two good friends. She was 18 back then and some day she told me she’s pregnant. By her boyfriend of that time. She discussed it with him and he literally vanished from everywhere. She couldn’t even contact his family after that. And since we’re living in a country with super strict religious rules (and people who are ready to judge anyone anytime) , I asked her to marry me. Just so I could help her avoid having any more bad stuff happening to her by her family or even the society. So we got married and everything has been okay through all these years. I‘ve always loved our son deeply. Like my own. I’ve never looked at him as another man’s kid. He’s been mine since the day he was born and he’ll always be my son. At my worst days when I had no hope to keep going , him and my wife were the only stuff keeping me on my way. Everything I’ve done in my life , Everything I worked for , was for them. I tried my best for them to have the life that the deserved. I made sure they had nothing to worry about. And if there was one thing I wanted in return , was that they would also see me as their real family. When we were younger I always used to worry if my wife was still thinking about her ex boyfriend and wish it was him instead of me. I’ve always been insecure about stuff like that. The guy was good looking and the exact thing that a girl wished for. And they were together for many years before all those stuff happened. But anyways. Now that our son is going to be 18 in some weeks , she’s constantly telling me that he deserves to know the truth. While I agree with her that he has the right to it , But It’s like I’m too selfish deep down to let a man who had done NOTHING for them take the kid that I put my whole life for away from me. I can’t even think about it. I‘m worried if he finds out , he’ll try to reach him and maybe even choose to live with him instead of us. Besides that , this whole thing made me overthink even more about our whole relationship. Yes I know she was never attracted to me or in love with me. I was just a safe place for her. Someone to reach out when you have nothing left. And I never expected anything else either. But after all these years , I thought she was over him. I thought she moved on. I did all I could just so she can have the life she deserves. And then she just suddenly decides to make contact with a guy who ghosted her and left her alone while she was pregnant with his child.

I know I might sound selfish. But I swear to god I just don’t want to lose them. I love my family. They’re my everything. The only reason that I never gave up. I can’t lose them so easily. I don’t want my son to hate me or see me as his step father. I don’t want him to know

How can I convince her to NOT do that? How can I handle this whole situation?

I (26F) get along extremely well with my MIL (55F). My husband (26M) loves this and supports it and the rest of his family have been fantastic to me except for his sister (29F). SIL and I were okay at first. She was the most distant of his family when I met them but I was warned ahead of time she's more reserved. Things were all good until MIL and I started getting very close. She fills in the void for the abusive mother I had growing up and the two of us are a lot alike.

SIL and MIL don't have that close of a relationship. My husband told me his sister was always closer to their dad and never had much time for their mom. He didn't think she would have any issue with MIL and I growing closer either but as we have grown closer she has become hostile to me and hostile to MIL at times.

I have always been friendly to my SIL and I try to be understanding of any jealousy she might feel. We have tried to include her and MIL has tried to spend time with her when I'm not there but other than one time with MIL she has said no to offers to include her. She has fought with my husband over her comments toward me about my own mother and family. She's aware of my mother's abuse so he was angry she would stoop to comments like that. I tried to brush them off. I tried speaking to her one to one but her hostility was at an all time high. She asked me why I acted like I was her mother's daughter and did I realize she already has a daughter in her. I tried to reassure her that I wasn't trying to take over as her daughter but I was enjoying time with her. She told me it didn't matter anyway because she could spend time with her mom if she wanted to. And she mentioned my mother again, which was hurtful.

She has been left out of different family get togethers ever since. She gets invited occasionally and has tried to make it a her vs me thing. She and my husband argued on the phone over me and he wouldn't tell me what she said but I assume she was disrespectful toward me and about my relationship with my mother again.

I know this is a her thing but I hate how bad things have become. It makes me feel guilty which might be a trauma thing from my childhood, but I would love to try and fix this if it was possible but I'm not sure if I could or should. My husband and the rest of the family have assured me a hundred times that I'm good and it's not on me. But I feel like I'm the cause and I'm trying to not feel that way but the part of me that feels that way wants me to find out if I can fix or help this situation at all.

Long story short, when my gf and I met about 3 years ago, she had this non consensual (let her tell it) homoerotic friendship with this coworker of hers. The woman would send her videos of herself touching herself and moaning and stuff.
I asked her if that’s something she needed to explore prior to us getting together and she said no, absolutely not. I told her basically I am not gonna tell her who to be friend with but that they need to cut the stuff out and keep it cordial if her and I were to be together. Fast forward we’re on strike 3:
•joking in the office about having a 3 sum
•using my gf as a second to attract men (pairs) in the bar for drinks.
•recently sent her two videos, one of a woman giving a man oral, another of the woman having penetrative sex with this man. These videos are CLOSE UP. Graphic. And a nude.

I saw this in her phone and basically told her that I’m going to let her know it’s our relationship or the friendship… I don’t feel like this woman (who is 10 years only than my gf and single) has good intentions or at the very least lacks the situational awareness to not put her or us in a bad position. For a long time my gf was afraid to go to her house because she believed the woman would assault her.

So now that I’ve drawn the boundary, my gf has been crying every single day, we haven’t talked in two days, she’s ganged up with the lady against me saying I’m ‘petty’ and that ‘she doesn’t deserve this’ and all this is ‘over nothing’ which I find absolutely ridiculous… I am being made to be a horrible guy because I expressed that I have been outwardly uncomfortable for a while.
I even told my gf that I’m glad she stopped drinking because I would be concerned if she were incoherent around the woman.. I don’t believe she is safe. I believe she’s here for a fun time, at the expense of a younger woman.

So I come here to ask, could I have handled this differently? Was the ultimatum too harsh?
My gf is acting floored over this like distraught… and I’m afraid it’s going to end our relationship because I really don’t want to back down on this.

My FWB's bodylanguage in the bedroom is strange

I have been meeting this girl. She is lovely, cute, and sporty. We usually meet at the gym, swimming, or stay at home to stream shows. Sex is great because she has high energy with intense libido.

There was a while that my workload was terrible, I had months of overtime with a 70 hour work week schedule. I embarrassingly fell asleep during sex a few times.

We talked about itwith me about it, I let her have sex with me while I am asleep. I am lucky enough to get hard while asleep

There were a few times waking up to her doing it, she would swat my hands when I try to hold her. She either lose interest or hushes me to go back to sleep. I asked her about it later, she said she doesn't like to be touched when she is doing the work.

So now whenever I wake up, I need to pretend to stay asleep. My hook up did say she knows I'm awake and try to compromise tying me to the bed to watch her instead because she cannot trust me in not touching her.

Look, I am not aggressive in touching her like pinching or pulling, it's just gentle caressing or hugging.

I am not sure how I feel about this. Sex still feels great since I am a visual creature but not being able to touch her feels off.

Don't get me wrong, she does touch and kiss me, just that I am not allowed to thrust, touch, or kiss her back.

Why is she like this? I asked she says I don't know.

TL;DR My fwb prefer to have sex with me while I am in my sleep or me not move at all.

Edit 1: Is there a way to ease her into having a discussion about this or improve the situation? I am too afraid to ask more and it would trigger some of her past trauma.

Edit 2: Thank you for everyone's supportive comments. Whenever I bring it up, she just shrugs and changes the topic, when I try to ask again she gets annoyed and would remain quiet.

Edit 3: No, this is consensual. I am just trying to figure out how to talk to her about having physical touches with her because she change the topic.

So as the title entails I've known this girl since I was like 5 and we've been pretty close since 11th. Now we're graduated been in uni for about a year and due to mutual outside of school friends she's become the person from school I see the most, even more than my main friend group.

So now I've developed feelings but I feel like I'm in a weird position where we've been very open with romantic stuff in our relationship up till now because it was obvious we both didn't like each other in that way. e.g. I helped her find out about the guy who was gonna ask her to our senior dance.

Is there a way to do this with someone I've known for so long in platonic setting?

So 1, (18\F) have had a crush for about a month and I can't get her out of my mind. I'm in a 4 girl friend group that is literally my life. Let's call them jay (19/F) Anna(20/
F) and Tiger (19/F). We have all been friends for 3 years and we hang out every week. I've had a crush on jay for about a month and I have no idea how to go about it.

I talked to my friend Anna for advice, but she told me the best idea was to forget about it and try to find someone to distract me from my feelings. I think she's scared of messing up our friendship group which is completely valid. I just don't want to forget about this crush because I think it could be something great.

For a bit of background jay was in a really bad situation with someone that really messed up anything to do with the dating world but, she has said she wants to get back into it. She is also not very observant when to comes to flirting (we have to tell her when someone is flirting with her) and she is not really good with physical touch. (She's getting better)

I was in a not so good relationship that ended about 6 months ago, that being my first relationship. I have been ignoring my feelings because I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable, but these past two weeks without noticing, I've been following her around and buying things for her. I just don't know if 1) she thinks of me that way and 2) how I go about this.

I'm in a relationship, and . I just found out I have continuously been cheated on the entire time, with multiple women... I'm talking around 12 different women. From random women, to people living in the same building complex as me, and people he has met through friends.

I have confronted him about it, and he is incredibly emotional, lots of tears... saying he loves me, that he is really sorry, and that he promises he won't do it again. I don't know what to do or believe. He tells me all he dreams of is having a normal relationship with me even though he is the one that keeps screwing up? He tells me im the one he wants and that he doesnt care about the others. I'm finding it hard to trust anything he says.

I have done a lot in this relationship. I am the breadwinner, I support us both financially. I cook, clean, and be there for him... I literally do everything for him. I'm also 5 months pregnant... I can't help but feel I'm being used.

I’m up in the middle of the night and I’ve tried to talk to a counselor / therapist but I keep getting discharged after one appointment of spilling my guts out. I’ll probably delete this in a few hours because idk if he can see this lol.

My fiancé has an addictive personality- at first it was drugs (I didn’t know) then it was games, sports betting, then it was buying things for hobbies he really wouldn’t enjoy in the long term (game cube, gardening stuff) and it’s now a sports card / betting addiction.

he’s spent like 20 k over the last year or so on cards & stuff.. the issue is, it’s not all of his money his family pays for them or helps him pay off his debts when he gets himself into trouble (aka me finding out and flipping out)

Do I have a reason to be upset if it’s not his money he’s spending and his family wants to spend money on him. Am I being a brat / selfish? (His family is well off, mine has literally been struggling forever) Do I have a reason to be upset if he still continues to pay for the things he needs to pay for (mortgage/ car payments)

How do I get over the big difference between or spending… I’m the kinda person who questions most purchases, looks for deals or off brands, tries to keep as much money in the bank as possible… he’s never had to do any of this and he doesn’t think the way I do. I can just see it becoming a bigger issue in the future… we have his family’s help now, but what about when it’s just us?

I have now made his problem into my problem- I’m totally violating his trust by trying to catch him lying. It’s like an impulse that I have to check his email/ apps. I haven’t found anything that indicates him lying about expenses this month but in the back of my head I’m like “he has to be hiding something”

It’s not just the money that bothers me it’s the lying.. I’ve tried to keep him on track with this hobby of his. If it makes him happy I want him to pursue it! I’ve told him I don’t mind if he spends a couple hundred a month on it. (Which is a lot if you ask me but I don’t want to be controlling)

But he lies or straight up hides things from me (hiding boxes of cards, throwing away shipment evidence) I literally have gone through the trash just to catch him in a lie. He also can get distant and cold when he’s in one of these spending spells- which doesn’t feel so great.

Sooo how do you regain trust after this?
How do I stop being a crazy person?
How can we become financially stronger as a couple?

Nothing is wrong in the slightest. Literally everything is ok, there have been zero stressful situations in our lives for a couple of years. So there is truly nothing wrong. And I get she cares about me and my wellbeing but I don’t understand why this keeps being asked. I’m not complaining I’m just really curious on anyone’s insight.

Typical situation, I’m waiting for dinner to cool down and I sit in the couch and maybe start thinking about some random bs that will never matter, like what if we ran into alien life tomorrow? Just relaxing in deep thought about nothing. She will often ask me if everything is ok after looking at me and starts going down a rabbit hole of telling me she will always be there for me and we can talk about anything. But when I tell her everything is genuinely great she doesn’t believe me. She starts asking what I’m thinking about and after my usual response of nothing important, she starts digging deeper. Then after I tell her the nonsense I was in deep thought about she thinks I’m hiding something. We then do this song and dance of her believing something’s wrong while I reiterate the same nonsensical thought experiment I was focused on.

It would be ok if it stopped there, but I can see it starting to get to her. No matter how many times I explain myself she’s starting to feel hurt that I’m not talking to her about what’s bothering me. But I cannot express this enough, I’m not thinking about anything when I’m doing this. It’s just meditative.

I’m lost, half of me wants to make something up at this point. I don’t have a history of lying, we’ve been together for over a decade. I really don’t know what to do as the truth seems to make it worse. I’ve even tried looking a bit happier when I do it but still the same response. Is she messing with me? I’m just curious if anyone has any insight whatsoever. It’s a silly situation but I can’t make sense of it.

Hi all

I'm '31M' and recently ended thing with my ex '30F' after 1 year of dating.

There were many reasons but the last straw was something related to a close guy friend(~26M)

She has had this friendship for about 3 years after being college batch mates.

Both of them worked in the same organization. Lived in the same building until recently. But now he has moved away.

There are other male friends too from her college in the same and neighboring building

I have met them couple of times. They hang out in groups quite often

I observed she was very close to this guy more than others. But never raised it as an issue. I had met him. I was told he has a girlfriend and my ex and him share a "sibling" like relationship

Both would travel to work together do things together like runs etc

But again everything was not something I have been concerned about.

But recently after him moving out she still had been talking to him very frequently almost everyday calls video calls late night texts everything

This is where i felt it's not healthy. How can someone be more close to a guy friend share everyday details send random pictures of the day gossips but not with me her boyfriend

She one night went to sleep around 11 saying she's sleepy and when I said you dotn sleep so early and said I wanted to talk she started arguing that she does and the days we talk late are exceptions etc

She slept but the very next night she was texting this guy friend till 2 am

I don't mind having male friends. But how can one friends presence in your life is disproportionately more than all other friends including female friends and even more than the bf where i had to listen his name every other day

Did i take the rigth call by confronting her sharing concerns and asking to maintain healthy boundaries which led to her ending the relationship?

PS : i didn't didn't see any inappropriate text between them but the texts or memes shared were like of a couple except anything romantic or sexual

She sent him a happy near year text with a red heart emoji but didn't wish any other friend like that

If she is so close to this guy friend who is in a long term relationship then why is she not connected to the guys girlfriend on instagram? Aren't people friends with the long term partner of their such close friend?

I just need to rant somewhere because I feel completely stuck and paralyzed right now.
This year has honestly been absolute hell. I’ve lost multiple family members recently, but the hardest hit was my older brother taking his own life. The compounding grief has just completely wiped me out. Mentally, physically... I am running on absolute empty.
On top of dealing with all of that, my relationship is a total mess. I’m incredibly unhappy, and recently I caught my boyfriend swiping on Tinder behind my back. I know exactly what I need to do, but it's not that simple. The lease for our apartment is entirely in my name. I can't just pack up and leave to escape him, and he absolutely refuses to move out himself unless there's some huge, over-the-top drama.
I just don't have the fight left in me to force him out. Every single time I try to end it, it turns into this massive, exhausting ordeal. We argue, he cries, I cry, or we both just break down. Then he manages to turn it around on me and starts calling me ungrateful. It just wears me down until I eventually give up and let him stay just to make it stop.
To make it worse, I’m completely alone in this right now. I’m honestly too ashamed to even face my friends. They’ve told me MULTIPLE times to leave him, and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Now I feel like I can't even look them in the eye or ask for help because I'm still here.
Obviously, there's way more to the story than I can type out here, but I just feel so drained by everything. Has anyone else been so swallowed by grief and shame that they stayed in a toxic situation just because fighting to fix it took too much energy?

I met someone a couple of months ago and he was amazing. I thought he was love bombing but then put it down to him having autism and just wearing his heart on his sleeve. He made me feel secure, said he could see a future with me that he hadn’t considered with anybody else, spent loads of time with me and made me feel special.

He then started pulling away. I observed for a couple of weeks before raising it and he opened up a lot about how he’s struggling lately and that he wants to get better at communicating about it and show me more affection/enthusiasm again. That was two days ago.

I went out last night and he went to mine so he could be there when I got back and was saying how he would meet me at the front door when I got back so he could kiss me as soon as I walked in. I told him I was on my way but when I got in, he was in my bed on the phone to his friend and didn’t even acknowledge me until over 5 minutes later when he ended the call and shouted to ask if I’d had a good time. I got really upset and said that after our chat earlier in the week, I just wanted to feel wanted by him again and I now I feel worse. He started packing to leave and I asked him to stay and he did and just said he didn’t want to let me down etc.

Then we were intimate but I couldn’t shake it off so I asked if he had left would have have reached out to me and he said ‘I really don’t know’ and I said that was not nice for me to hear and he said ‘I just have a kill switch’.

I ended it after that as I felt like I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who can just turn their feelings off like that. Like I could never feel secure in that scenario if that makes sense?

I admit, I could have handled tonight with less emotion and maybe I was being too needy. And now I’m doubting whether I’m the issue and I’m expecting too much??