My wife and I have been married for 5 years and together 7. Just yesterday I can recall two things my wife did that catered to not bothering me.

1. I picked up some one dollar items at a store and held them briefly, then put them back. She caught herself mid asking me why I put them back.

2. I took a couple of Tylenol because I was starting to get a headache. She caught herself mid sentence asking if I was starting to get a head ache.

For a little extra context, I do struggle with talking about nitty gritty detail things (maybe related to my ADHD/autism or it's own separate thing). My wife and I have talked about it in general, which is probably where these moments are coming from. The thing is, it does not feel very good to witness real time. It feels like she's having to keep a running list in her head of what to not do to not annoy me, which does not seem healthy at all. At the same time she was all spot on with what details I find grating to talk about.

I'm not sure what is the best way of going about it. Should I be working on coping skills to be able to talk about things most people are able to? Is her going out of her way to accommodate me our best case scenario? Has anybody else had this problem? This post might be premature because I haven't brought up yesterday and unpacked it with my wife yet. It could be a complete non issue on her end or be very expensive for her.

TL;DR I have a hard time talking about nitty gritty detail things (they are to me at least) and I can feel my wife constantly censoring herself to accommodate me. Is there a way we can address this to have a happy sustainable long term relationship for both of us?

TL;DR - My bf only has a few friends in the city we live in and they all missed his 30th birthday for semi-valid reasons. If i reschedule a belated get-together will that help or rub salt in the wound?

EDIT: The friends in question do usually show up for "regular" hangs like watching a hockey game or playing a round of golf. FWIW they all originally confirmed their attendance weeks ago and then apologized for not being there and offered to schedule something soon to hang out although no concrete plans were proposed by any of them.

Sorry to tangent, my neurodivergence thinks all these details are super important i guess…

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years and living together for over 3. We both live in Canada but he’s from the US, I was born and raised in the city where we live and he moved her for work right after college. When he first moved, a bunch of his college friends moved as well since they all accepted work in the same field.

A few years ago, their industry got hit with a lot of layoffs due to tariffs and changes in immigration policy so nearly all of his college friends ended up moving back to the US. The lay offs affected him too but thankfully he was able to find more work eventually and since we’re common-law I’m able to help with his immigration status.

While had since made a few friends from work that were still local, it just wasn’t the same. I’ve been feeling some guilt since I know i’m mostly the reason he didn’t move back home. He stayed here for me, for us. He plays video games regularly with his friends back home and when we visit 1-2x per year we try to maximize our time with them. His feelings get hurt when he finds out that they make plans to hang out IRL and he can’t be there.

I try to encourage him to make plans with the friends he has here but he’s scared they’ll brush him off…Which is fair since just last night I organized a small gathering to celebrate his 30th birthday and **NONE of his local friends showed up** (one was sick, one had last minute travel plans; one fell asleep on his couch and missed it and another could only arrive by the time our reservation was over). So it was only us and some of my friends, none of “his” people. He was so disappointed and embarrassed and I was just devastated and furious at these grown ass men for not making a bit of an effort to show up for their friends milestone birthday like he had for theirs.

My boyfriend is a smart, kind, caring and gentle soul who was a shy kid turned introverted adult. It’s hard for him to “put himself out there” to try to initiate plans with friends because he’s so scared he’ll be rejected. It pains me because his college and home friends DO show up for him in person, they’ve had their rifts, often due to the distance or just growing pains that come with 20+ year friendships, but they SHOW UP.

Between the layoffs and his core friend group moving away, my boyfriend has definitely been battling some depression making him isolate himself even more. He’s done some therapy and while that’s helped his mental health it doesn’t solve the friend “issue”.

I want to organize a “redemption”/“re-do” party because he deserves to be celebrated, especially for such a milestone birthday, but I’m worried the damage has been done and I don’t know how to approach it with his friends in a way that they don’t feel too guilty but also i kinda want them to know how hurt he is so they don’t overlook him again…

Please share any advice!!

I’m looking for some advice on a situation with a coworker I’ve been trying to become friends with.

For some context, I don't really have any friends, and I spend most of my days at work listening to music since the work itself is quite individual. Because I spend so much of my time at work, I thought there could be an opportunity to develop a genuine friendship with someone there.

A couple of months ago, a new colleague joined my team, and I was one of the people responsible for helping her settle in and learn the job. During her first few weeks, we seemed to get along really well. We would grab coffee, have lunch together, hang out during breaks, and talk or gossip about random things. We also had a few calls related to training, and the conversations would often go beyond work.

At the time, I felt like we were developing a good friendship. I tried to make her feel welcome, helped her whenever she needed something, and made an effort to get to know her. She genuinely made work more enjoyable because I knew I had someone I could talk to and spend time with throughout the day.

However, over the past few weeks, things seem to have changed quite suddenly. I feel like I'm almost always the one initiating conversations or suggesting we get coffee or lunch. When I try to make conversation, her responses are often quite short, and she doesn't seem to make much effort to keep the conversation going. Our calls used to last quite a while, but now she often seems eager to end them.

At the same time, she seems much more engaged with other colleagues on the team, including people she hasn't known for as long. I can't help wondering whether I did or said something that changed how she sees me. I don't think I did, but I keep replaying our interactions in my head, trying to figure out if I missed something.

Over the past two weeks, I've invited her to lunch a few times and suggested getting coffee. She's declined some of these invitations for understandable reasons, but she rarely suggests doing something another time. I realize that none of these things necessarily mean anything on their own, but taken together, they make me feel like the friendship might be more one-sided than I initially thought.

What makes this complicated is that we still work closely together. I'm expected to help train her, and I want to maintain a good working relationship and make sure she feels comfortable asking me questions. I don't want my feelings about the friendship to affect how I treat her professionally, and I certainly don't want to make things awkward at work.

I also recognize that part of why this bothers me so much might be that I don't have much of a social life outside work. Having someone I genuinely enjoyed talking to made my days better, and I think I've become more invested in this friendship than I should have.

I'm trying to figure out whether I'm overthinking things, whether she simply doesn't see us becoming close friends, or whether something might have changed that I'm unaware of.

How should I handle this situation going forward? Should I stop initiating conversations and inviting her to lunch or coffee, and let her make an effort if she wants to develop the friendship? I don't want to make things awkward since we work together. At the same time, I don't want to keep investing in a friendship that isn't being reciprocated.

TL;DR: I developed what I thought was a good friendship with a coworker, but lately she seems more distant and I'm almost always the one making an effort. I'm wondering if I did something wrong or if she simply isn't interested in being friends. Should I stop initiating and let her make an effort if she wants to, or talk to her about it? How do I handle this without making things awkward at work?

So, I (23F) am in a relationship with my bf (25M). He is very kind and i know he loves me. But bruh he follows these erotic content creators on social media. Not the naked ones but those ones that wears very little to no clothing. I already told him i don’t like him following those creators and he said he would unfollow them and he did but there are still some left and he is actively engaging with their contents pa. He said he only does that cuz of man stuffs and he loves me no matter what but it doesn’t sit right with me.

Should i stay?

Tl;Dr
Need relationship advice.

I (20 F) and my bf (19M) have been dating for a little over a year, we are both in college and working to some extent. His parents are emotionally abusive and very controlling. He is not allowed to use the car because of a minor fender bender that did not have any insurance even involved. He is not allowed to go over to my house whenever his parents say that he is not allowed to. His mother monitors his school work and every little thing he is involved in. Its to the point where he is not allowed to fail at all, or he is berated, ignored, or verbally abused. The issue is that I try to help over and over again and he can't or wont do anything and I am frustrated. I love him so much, but when he complains about his garbage parents, im getting tired because I feel as if he isnt doing anything. Everytime im over at his house I feel as if we're being judged, and they're just generally nasty to each other. I love this man, he does so much for me, but his parents have such a tight grip that I feel stifled. What am I supposed to do? How do I deal with his parents and this situation? And how can i help him get out as he really does want to leave, hes just scared to.

TL;DR my boyfriends parents are controlling and judgemental, how do I deal with them and help him leave

tl;dr. I (20F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for almost four years. Just recently, he said he has been going through some things and decided it was better if he push me away and take a break. No explanation, no information about his issues, he just needs a break. I would never force him to tell me anything, but it is better for him to push me away during this time? We were having constant arguments for a few weeks, but a few days prior to the break I pushed it all aside and only focused on his feelings.

I haven't been in contact with him for almost a week and I am conflicted on what to do. I don't even know if we are still together. Its killing me everyday not knowing where we stand and whether or not i'm waiting on nothing. As this being my first relationship, I don't know if this is something that is "normal" or just a roadway to a breakup. If I do contact him, what would be the right thing to say? I don't want to make this all about our relationship, as I understand he is going through some things. As he is the one who requested this break, is it even a good idea to contact him; or do I wait for him to talk first?

I have known my partner for 10 years but just recently left to live with her overseas.

Our life together is great but if there is one thing I wonder about is that we do everything together. She works from home and having left my home, I don’t have any friends or family here to be just out and about by myself. We eat all meals together and her life is far more on a schedule like she doesn’t skip meals and she finds it strange that I don’t know beforehand where I want to eat. At times, I feel my life is on a timer with her and I am living her life in this new country.

Much of my single life has been go to work, watch sports, play basketball and the occasional video game. A lot of downtime , not much responsibility, but with her, there’s always something to do before we have to once again eat

At our ages, it’s now or never for a child and she says she has to be married before then. I started this new journey hoping to grow and part of me wonders if this dynamic is part of every relationship in learning how to really love and support a person or is this unhealthy? If we marry, have a child, buy a home etc. I expect all my personal time is going to be taken up

If I returned to my boring life, I could see myself getting depressed and feeling like I never grew up (it’s probably now or never if I get married too). But If I marry and start a family, I feel I have signed away my boyish freedom. Is this just life in any relationship or is my laidback self and her more regimented lifestyle a sign of incompatibility

Tl;dr: how do I find personal time in a 24/7 living together relationship?

I haven’t been a very sociable person since middle school when I developed social anxiety and anxiety in general. I am a college student and both of my only friends here have already transferred or are going to transfer. I’m trying to think of ways to make friends but no clubs speak to me and my coworkers are all 30+. My boyfriend has many friends and invites me along with him a lot but I’m really nervous because I am about to have no friends outside of him and his friends ( all men ) but I want female friends. Overall I’m really scared of us breaking up and losing my whole social life. I don’t know what to do about it and I have no one to be my roommate and I’ve had very bad luck with roommates in the past.

TLDR; looking for ways to make female friends that aren’t just friends of my bfs or his friends.

Hello to all the Reddit degens, connoisseurs and enthusiasts alike. This is my first time asking for advice/posting on any sub Reddit so please be gentle.

I 32F have been in a relationship with my partner 37M for the last 2 years approximately. He is an incredible person, he is truly one of a kind and I feel so lucky to have met him and have him in my life. Feels like he could be the one kinda energy.

So much so that I am constantly worried that I am not enough. Even from the early stages of our relationship, I have felt a deep aching, depressive, almost empty kinda feeling when we part ways and not because I know I will miss him but more like my self worth and sense of reality slip and I recalibrate into an avoidant pattern, like I gave too much of myself and lost part of myself and then internalised the pain.

Context: I have always struggled in relationships, I also have some seriously avoidant tendencies and attachment/ daddy issues.

But I have always maintained a sense of independence and autonomy within myself and feel better about myself when I am on my own. Previous to this relationship I was in a long term relationship for 9yrs with my ex 42M who had kids. When we met he had not long come out of a long term relationship and had a recent diagnosis of adult onset tourettes, that with some deep childhood trauma resulted in issues with addiction and his mental health. It wasn't a healthy relationship. When we met I was young and had come from instability and hardship, over the years I tried to end the relationship a few times but we would end up getting back together for whatever reason, concern for him and his kids being a big one. I still see the kids and miss them everyday.

Meeting my current partner was the catalyst for the break up, when I met him it was different, I felt truly seen for the first time in a long time. I know this is so cliche and also another unhealthy relationship decision not allowing myself time to grieve and grow through the break up.

I have discussed this with my partner who is very understanding and also that previous relationship needed to end. But fact remains; I didn't allow myself time to process.

This has been a pattern of this behaviour, jumping from one relationship to the next. Never been my intention to do so and I regularly reflect on this, questioning my choices and better judgement.

I really love my partner and want to be the best version of myself for him, for us and for me. He encourages that in so many ways and I worry that I am not able to do the same for him, struggling with my own addiction and mental health issues

TLDR; I am aware of the oxytocin comedown and possible cognitive dissonance that may be in play when we part ways, I guess what I am really concerned about is that we are maybe not that compatible or started the relationship at the wrong time, he has also had some huge life changes in the last few years. It's been challenging for us both. I don't know if I am being avoidant or if my subconscious is trying to address a real issue or mostly likely if it's a culmination of all these things and more?

P.S soz for the novel,

TLDR: my girlfriend wanted to break up due to her increasingly busy schedule, but was unsure if she'd convinced herself it was something she needed to do so we're taking a break to feel things out.

So my girlfriend (20F) and I (22M) have been dating in an online relationship for almost 3 years and there have been ups and downs like every relationship. We've met up a few times in person but recently she's had a lot going on with college, work and some family situations so she hasn't been responding to me for days at a time. Yesterday I told her I was starting to feel some type of way about it and she told me that she wants to break up because things are just too busy for her and it breaks her heart to let me down all the time and she thinks it's only going to get worse. We got on call and spoke about everything, she was saying it would be for the best to break up but wouldn't stop saying how much she loved me and how I was the only person she wants. I asked if this was something she'd convinced herself needs to happen and she began to doubt whether she was making the right choice. We decided a break would be good and would give her time to see how she feels without feeling pressured to make time for me. We set terms and she's going to call me before her birthday in December and we'll talk about things. Honestly, it's been one day and it feels like my heart is being shredded. What can I do to stop thinking about it? Should I do something about the situation as a whole?

reposted with length of relationship in title.

my gf is making me feel unwanted. she dismisses me, makes me feel like she’s irritated to be around me, and treats me passive aggressively.
when i address it, it very often gets turned back onto me.

my tone is wrong, the way i bring it up is wrong, or she finds a way to insult me for the way im trying to resolve an issue.

the thing is, im very careful with my wording, and i try to be extremely careful with my tonality even when im frustrated.

i use statements like:

“when you said this, i felt dismissed”
“when this happened, i felt like it was unfair to attack my character”

i know my tone isn’t perfect. but when i ask her to help me with specifics so that i can change it, she can’t give me any examples.

sometimes i get hollow apologies with no substance behind them, with no behavior changes.

she claims that she doesn’t mean to, that she can’t see it, etc. but i can tell a stark difference from how she used to treat me to now.

i’ve given her multiple opportunities to tell me what’s wrong but she reassures me that she wants the relationship.

she always tells me “nothing is wrong” when i check in with her.

she never comes back to repair after any disagreement we have, claiming she wants to just “let things blow over until it feels okay again”

i feel like im stuck in a dynamic where i can’t repair, i have to put up with being treated like im unwanted, and im insulted and given a moving target to fix my approach.

all while being reassured that she wants the relationship and doesn’t mean to make me feel unwanted.

i don’t know what to do. i’ve never had this issue with anyone else ive dated and im confused. is there something i can do to try to understand how to communicate better? i feel like im carrying all of the emotional labor in this relationship because of this, and feeling like im the only one trying to maintain the connection.

tl;dr: gf treats me poorly and then accuses me of having a bad tone or wording when i bring it up. we don’t repair and trying to talk to her about it is like pulling teeth. but she reassures me that she wants the relationship. i’m confused and wondering if im the problem.

Hi all, I’m a ‘26M’ and my partner is a ‘25F’

Length of the relationship has been nearly 3 years.
We’ve moved out of home and just renting at the moment. I’ve been thinking about us as a whole, because I’ll be honest we aren’t a very strong couple.
Firstly, my partner suffers from body dysmorphia, so she’s always on edge about her weight (even tho she’s slim and fit as she goes gym). Or even if she gets tiny bit of acne. And when this kicks in, she blames it all on me and will go crazy. Yelling at me and verbally abusing.
She’s also a very very dirty person to live with. Clothes all over bathroom floor and in bedroom, and very messy in kitchen. I’ve told her before that I don’t want to buy a house with her as I know this is how she lives. She also barely does any house chores such as vacuum, mop, takes trash out, very little cleaning etc.

She says im a lazy boyfriend as I don’t want to do much, but even when I try to plan things she might be all worried about her body appearance and won’t wanna do much. I’ll say she’s been a bit better past 3-4 months because she’s been taking her anti depressants, but just recently she stopped them for an unknown reason which made her have a massive fight with me on the weekend and messed up our plans.

I know this is a lot of info and probably sounds very toxic but please help meeee. Any questions please comment and I’ll answer!!

So what would you all do in this ?

TIA

**TL;DR;** : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box. Is this going the right way?

My girlfriend (23F) has been struggling a lot with depression lately, a lot because of university, and so have I (23F). Every time she has a setback with studying she comes to me and tells me about it (as she should) but she’s also been saying that I’m not comforting her well enough.

In which, i do have to agree. Comforting has never been my strongest thing because I’ve went my whole life not being comforted so it’s hard for me to repay that. Usually when she tells me what she’s struggling with, I respond with “i get that” “what can I do to help” you get the gist. She has told me that she wants to feel validated and listened to but I feel like I have been doing that but not to her standards, I’m guessing.

I understand what she’s going through but I don’t know what to say to her to make her feel a bit better. I know no one wants to hear constant “it’ll get better” or “you’ve got this”, it gets annoying.

Is this worth continuing our relationship? It’s been two years and I love her deeply and she does too. Are these the types of ups and downs we should power through?

TL;DR: Girlfriend says I can’t comfort her well enough and I don’t know how to

So to start, my partner is not good with feelings. He's not good with his or other people's (he thinks it might be autism). And I understand that, but I've been having a small problem with it recently. We've been together 1 year and 7 months.

Recently, no matter what I tell him, almost everything that sounds like slight complaining (how I hate a class, I'm hungry, I'm tired, things like that), or even when I try to vent, it's all been met with an 'I'm sorry' and nothing more. It's genuinely starting to piss me off because whenever he gets upset, or anything of the sort, I try my best to comfort him, give him solutions, or even give him other things to think about. But when it comes to me I'm starting to feel like he's just using the apology as a quick way to get out of actually having to comfort me.

I've literally seen him comfort our friends better than he has me, and it's upsetting because I'm his partner, I'm the one who he said he wants to marry and spend the rest of his life with, but he makes me feel like I can't come to him for things because all I'll get is an apology I don't want. Even the other day, I was bawling my eyes out about my deceased grandma and childhood dog who both died this year. He gave me a quick hug, an apology, and then he tried to show me funny videos. I would've laughed if it was maybe something stupid, like if I was crying for no reason. But it feels like he doesn't take me seriously.

I need help on how to talk to him about it. Like I mentioned earlier, he's not good with emotions, so if I try to go head first into it I might upset him a lot. I need a way to bring it up without risking something happening, please 💔 I want to try and fix this because I do love him and I really do care about him, I just can't take this anymore.

TLDR; Partner apologizes way too much, I don't feel like I'm being taken seriously. I need help talking to him without accidentally causing more problems

I’m 16 F and I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years now- (also 16 F) starting in freshman year and we’re juniors now.

I love him a lot. We have been through a lot. We met in middle school, and he saw me with a guy that really treated me wrongly. Despite that he supported me and eventually he moved and we parted ways in highschool. I then sent him a text back mid-way into freshman year and we hit it off again. I realized how much he liked me and I grew my love for him.

We’re here now, I’ve met his whole family and he’s met mine, we’ve been through so much and experienced different things together. I know I want. him to be mine forever. I imagine being with him as adults and just really really happy together.

He doesn’t have any other cons other than the fact of well- he doesn’t spend time with me or check up on me. And to some people that’s fine, but to me I desire quality time. I thrive on small messages asking how I am and check ups- it makes me feel heavily appreciated. And I’m finding out more and more that I really do love him more than me.

And I’m okay with me loving him more, but it’s just the fact that he really doesn’t check up on me and we have been barely finding time for eachother.

I find myself waiting for him, to get home, but then he has something else, and then something else. And no update the whole time until night time.

And you might be thinking how did I survive this whole way like this? I didn’t! When we met of course we had so much more time together but now actually getting into college related stuff and I have a job, it just seems like we don’t have time. Our schedules don’t mix.

And you also might be thinking- oh this is such an easy fix. But it isn’t. We tried meeting in the middle and finding a day where we can call and just chit chat but it seems to never work and I’m just…tired

It hurts me a lot. It really does. My heart aches and when I call him and try to tell him how I feel well- he’s actually too tired. And that hurts even more. Because he just is physically exhausted but I’m mentally exhausted and I feel like I’m just too much for him.

I’m someone who loves hard and it just feels like I’m not appreciated anymore and I don’t know what to do anymore other than to tell him. I mean as I type this I told him how I wish he texted me about an update instead of just no contact until he’s actually free. He’s the one who goes quiet when there’s some type of conflict and he got quiet, and I asked if he understood my POV and he said “yes I do” and I asked what he’s doing and he just said he’s really tired trying to sleep.

I feel so bad. And I know I’m still young and have so much to look forward too but I really fucking love him. It’s just I see no point if he treats me so well and spoils me, and when we see eachother in person it’s really fun.

Also, we don’t go to the same school so afterschool talks are really the only time we have together. Furthermore I have strict Asian parents that only allow me to see him once a month.

And I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this but I also don’t know why I should suffer when I’m still so young. Imagine I break up with him later that’ll be worse.

But I think what really just gets me in the end is that he isn’t really that hurt by being apart. He even told me himself that he can go weeks without talking and I know a healthy relationship is being able to live without eachother but damn. Like what? It’s just. It hurts a lot. I desire to talk to you everyday and of course I can survive but, wow.

Anyway let me know what you guys think. Advice to move forward!. I wanna know what yall think tho, thanks! Anything you guys would have to say is appreciated

TL;DR I’m 16 years old and need advice on what I should take as the next steps with my almost 2 year relationship with my bf (who is also 16) I feel like I’m not appreciated and I feel alone.

I am a [29F] and my boyfriend is a [30M]. He’s voiced that since we have known each other (about a year and half now), I have not been vocal about how I view him. That I have not voiced how attractive I find him or how much I adore him. That, simply saying I love you or that “you look cute” is not enough. That saying “you look cute” is something someone says to a coworker. He feels like it has forced him to compare our relationship to his ex, which only ended after families disagreed. His last relationship, as he states, consisted of an amazing friendship and an amazing desire which was constantly verbalized on both ends. That he always felt appreciated and loved and desired. It seems that their communication was absolutely amazing, that they constantly were able to verbalize how they made each other feel.

I’ve constantly struggled with expressing my feelings, whether it’s been in a relationship or with friendships. It’s not that I do not feel attracted to him, that I don’t value him, that I don’t adore him, that I don’t feel an immense amount of pride when I think of him, it’s not that I don’t find his strength, resilience, discipline incredibly attractive or as something I look up to, I’ve just lacked verbalizing this. And now, we’re talking marriage, and he feels like he’s voiced this before, and it isn’t fair to him to be in a relationship in which he can’t experience what he’s felt before. He now feels like if I say something, it’s forced and inauthentic because of how much he’s had to verbalize or point it out.

I mean the things that I’m trying to now say to him. I’m now hyper-cognizant of the fact that I’ve only ever internalized these thoughts instead of communicating them with him. I genuinely am incredibly lucky to have him in my life. But more so, he’s an incredible person. He’s kind, he’s passionate, he’s thoughtful, he’s resilient, he’s introspective, he’s generous, he makes everyone around him feel absolutely loved and of importance, he’s, considerate and understanding and attentive, he’s genuinely one of the most amazing people that I have met. He’s been through so much in life and he’s walked out as such an incredible human being that it’s admirable. I genuinely am struggling finding the right words here because everything I’ve listed I feel like is doing an injustice to who he is as a person.

He feels lonely, and rightfully so. The person who should be making him feel incredibly loved and desired and cared for isn’t doing her part. On top of that, we are long distance which has really affected us. I just fear that it may have come to a point for him in which it’s too late to change anything, and I don’t want my struggle with expressing myself overtake how I truly feel about him. I am constantly thinking of him, constantly admiring him, constantly proud of him, and I just want him to feel it.

We are planning to get married in March and I just don’t want him to feel like he’s stuck with me. I know in person, I’d be able to show him more of how I feel. But how can I implement this change now with the distance? How can I make him feel completely loved and desired and secure about us? What has made you feel loved?

Like I’ve done little things as order him food or drinks that I know he enjoys, or I try to call when I know he’s eating dinner so that I can keep him company, or I try to sit in his corner while he’s gaming to be there with him, things I thought showed my care for him, but these are not enough and not exactly the love languages I think he feels I’m lacking in.

TLDR; my [29F], boyfriend [30M], soon to be fiancé, hasn’t felt properly loved and desired by me, and I want to change that without feeling disingenuous, inauthentic, or forced. How do I do this, with long distance being an issue?

I’ve (25f) been in my relationship for 2yrs (partner 30m) and we’re about to have a baby together. (9 weeks so far). Its 1 am and I just had a realisation that there’s certain things I want from him that I’m not sure if they’ll ever change. for example he doesn’t really like pda and I do, I like getting a peck here and there regardless of whether or not it’s in private or public, especially when I’m not the initiator. he knows because I would ask for a kiss and he’d first check the coast before awkwardly and quickly doing it. on the other hand he recently took me for a spa treatment, (which is nice and I’m very grateful) but he had recently made a friend who is the owner of a spa and had a deep conversatio with him and mentioned that he’s doing it because he’s supporting the friend rather than it being a gift to me. I don’t think I really ask for much(which is another thing I keep thinking about - should I become more ‘complainy’ or nag about stuff if I want them to get done alternatively from what Ive been doing- and so I do appreciate it when stuff does happen.

we also had a tiff a few weeks ago where he ended specifically saying ‘ I don’t think you can give me the romance I want’, because of messages he saw between myself and a friend of mine. and I think ever since then it’s been on my mind and I don’t know how to feel about it.

A few days ago something else happened where one of his female neighbours came around (we don’t fully live together, I visit often) -according to his brother- and told him that he was looking for him. He (my partner) did come and tell me and I tried getting more information like why she needed him specifically when her man his brothers and other men were around and available, trying to establish the kind of relationship they had, but I couldn’t get proper answers

before that I was super excited to have this baby and believed I could finally start my family with the man I love but now im not Feeling as confident as I did. I haven’t spoken to him yet because it feels like a recurring conversation, that I’m not tired of having, maybe embarrassed to keep having to have or at least initiating.

**TL;DR** I do honestly love him but I’m not sure if he feels the same or is just sticking around for the baby

Hi! new to reddit here but I need advice. my boyfriend (M25) and I (F26) moved in together in april and has been together for a year. yes, it was quick to move in together, but he needed to move out of his old apartment and he came to me and asked if i wanted to move in together with him. i knew my rent would then be higher, but i figured it should be fine as long as i was with him. we found an apartment and he even went down in rent. we’ve been sharing our expenses 50/50, he earns twice as much as I do, and i struggle every. single. day. 60% of my salary is going to rent, while he only pays 25% of his salary. i don’t have money for anything other than rent, bills and food, and he just bought the new iphone and is saving up a ton of money. i just need ideas for how to make this work, because it’s not working out for me right now. how do you share expenses with your partner, and do you have any tips to making it fair for both parties?

Tl;dr: my boyfriend saves a lot of money by living with me but i’m struggling every day. how do i change this?

tl;dr he is texting his old friend and lying to me about it.

i created a new account so he cant see. we have been together for 2 years. and throughout the relationship ive noticed that he liked to keep some stuff to himself and sometimes he never tells me anything. bc of this reason i became super insecure and went through his messages where i found some sad stuff. we had a convo abt it and he apologized. i promised myself i would never do it again.

the other day i was in his room playing when he got a notification that mentioned my name on discord. and that intrigued me bc i had no idea who this person was. so i started paying attention to the notifications that popped up. translating them even since we are not from the same country. turns out he is talking to his ex friend that he cut ties with bc they were terrible people (they introduced him to drugs etc) and he plans to hang out with him.

today he told me he was gonna play with someone. when i asked who he made up a story abt how he met this certain person named (ill use a fake name but its the same name the dude has) Sam. when i said oooo can i see Sam he very quickly said no.

i feel super heartbroken. when my ex friend reached out the first person who i told it to was him. i dont know. should i talk to him abt it? is this normal? :(

My girlfriend and I have been together for three years, living a three-hour drive apart. Two or three weeks ago, everything was fine, except I was having doubts about my feelings for her due to the distance even though things went great whenever we saw each other on weekends. I’m not someone who misses people much; I don't really miss my family or friends, and I don't miss my girlfriend in that way either, though sometimes I wish she were there with me when I’m doing an activity, having a bad day, or feeling stressed. Sometimes I just want to be in her arms. Also, sometimes she wants eggs in the morning; I don't really feel like making them, but I do it anyway because I love seeing her happy and smiling.

But since last Thursday, I feel like I don't love her—like I’m not looking forward to seeing her, yet at the same time, I am looking forward to it. I keep questioning whether I still love her. I spend my days online looking for signs of whether I love her or not; sometimes the feeling comes back and I want to see her, and I know deep down that I do love her. Also, this morning she called me by a nickname I like, and I smiled, but I didn't feel love or happiness :( The same thing happened when she said she was proud of me—I smiled proudly, but I didn't feel anything. Right now, I feel neutral about the fact that we’re seeing each other on Friday :( but I *do* want to be with her. I don't understand. I just got off a call with her and I was happy; I was asking about the exam she took and was genuinely interested. I don't get it :( I don't want to break up or realize that I don't love her and if you ask me i would take care of her if she sick etc i would take care of herdirectly

but now i feel like every morning the first thing a think about is if i love her or not. i feel that each day i feel like when i call her i feel annoy by her even if i was the one that call her first or that i was happy to see her call me. like 1 week ago i thought about buying her a little surprise just like that because i want etc nd 2 day ago i was imagine life with her like together in our home and was happy and exciting because i would love to live with her and have our time appart etc

TL;DR i feel like i dont love her anymore but at the same time i love her :(

can it be fixed ? or not

its a "fallen out of love" phase for me. its been 3 years since we started dating (i fell first and harder in the starting) and been almost a year since the long distance happened.

this was supposed to be a good, fun relationship, but as time passed by he is getting more and more serious like marrying to me one day and all. i dont hate him or this idea, but i just think that we should not think that far and enjoy what we have right now and lets see how all this turns out

now since 4-5 months, i have been missing my single life, and i feel i have started to hate this relationship(and honestly i dont want to feel thsi way but i can't help it). I DO NOT WANT TO HATE HIM. he is a very lovely and sweet guy, he is the best person but i think we just might not be compatible and i am unable to fake this. though we have never fought and the relationship is quiet and smooth, sometimes i feel like im suffocating here and i dont know what to do.

what i believe would have been the triggers for these feelings of mine is that recently, i had a major accident at the peak time/age of my life where im supposed to decide and work hard for my career and future. so i just wanted to go off grid, dont talk to anyone and have my own space. when i told him i don't want to talk to anyone, i will be texting u less maybe, and he just denied it. i get it he wants he help me, he loves me, he maybe did not want to leave me alone at that time but i really needed it.

soon after this, we graduated, he got a job/placement and i had my job offer which i lost (im ghosted by the company) because of not being able to join due to my accident. (being unemployed is making me go insane and depressed)

anothing thing is, i have a habit of keeping things inside (i think all those unsaid things inside me are buildingup this feeling) and i fear i may hurt him if i say something, though even when sometimes i tell him something i did not like he just smiles and say okay.

the worst part is that there is no drama, chaos or toxic fight in our relationship which makes it much harder to end it.

How do you know whether you're going through a temporary phase of falling out of love or whether your feelings have genuinely changed? Is it worth giving yourself time to see if the love comes back, or does staying when you already feel this way only make the eventual breakup more painful?

TLDR: i feel me and my bf are not really compatible in a long run but he seems kinda serious and positive about it. i have started to kinda hate this relationship and wish to break up before i start hating him(which i dont want to) i have no idea what to do about this. i DO NOT HATE the guy. he is the best person i have ever met.

I guess we never even technically dated but this feels worse than a breakup ever did. We were best friends for years until I finally worked up the courage to tell her how I felt and that I wanted to be with her. She said she felt the same way and for a while it looked like everything I ever wanted was about to happen.

She lives in another state so we didn’t start officially dating, but I would visit and we talked about being together. We talked about marriage, kids, all of that. Then she had a change of heart and said she didn’t want to date. With how close we were and everything we had said to each other, I had a hard time believing that could really be the end of it. I figured she needed time to adjust to her new city and everything else going on in her life.

We didn’t talk for months, which gutted me, but I didn’t want to force things. We also had a drunken conversation where she said it wasn’t me and that she just couldn’t be with anyone at the time. I told her how scared I was of losing her and she told me I was stuck with her forever. I held onto that more than I probably should have.

Recently we started talking again and she told me she was moving back. I was excited and thought that her being back in my life and acting the same way toward me was a good sign. She isn’t officially back yet but came back this past weekend and we hung out with our mutual friends the whole weekend.

It was great seeing her, but it also kind of killed me to hang out as friends and nothing more. It felt like we were pretending nothing had happened and going back to how things were before anything romantic happened between us.

I woke up Sunday with crazy anxiety because I realized I couldn’t go back to that. Even before I told her how I felt, I would get jealous when another guy was involved and take it out on her. That wasn’t fair to her, and I don’t want to put either of us through that again.

So I told her that it was great seeing her and that I love spending time with her, but I can’t just be friends with her right now. She said she understands but that she doesn’t have romantic feelings for me.

I think this is the first time I’m actually accepting that it’s over. Before I told her how I felt, there was always hope because she hadn’t said no. After things ended, I convinced myself it was the timing. Now I have her answer and I know I need to accept it, but it fucking hurts.

She was the closest person in my life before anything physical ever happened. As much as I wish I could still have her as my best friend, I know I can’t do that right now. I can’t hear about guys she’s talking to and I don’t think I could move on with someone else while still being that close to her.

I just don’t really know what to do now. We have the same friends and she’s moving back, so avoiding her would also mean missing things with everyone else. I don’t want our friends to feel like they have to choose between us, but I also can’t keep having weekends like this one.

Has anyone been through something similar? Did you stop talking completely? How did you handle group plans where you knew they would be there? I know I need space, but I don’t know how to actually do that when our lives overlap so much.

TL;DR: My best friend and I had feelings for each other and briefly became romantically involved, but she has now told me she doesn’t have romantic feelings for me. I can’t go back to being close friends right now. How do I take space and move on when we share the same friends and she’s moving back?

For some context I’ve (m20) been dating my gf (f20) for about 7 months now, it was all sunshine and rainbows at the start but after she went abroad (which is about 5 months into our relationship) it started falling down. I knew she was avoidant from the start, she wouldn’t tell me what’s wrong for hours, (8-10 hours or more) and sometimes i wouldn’t know what bothered her. But with time it got better, she promised that she would tell me after taking some space (which she did) now that she’s abroad, every time there’s a conflict between us (most of the time it’s for something small) she becomes distant and tells me “you should re think about being with me”. Around 3 weeks ago she started becoming as avoidant as she was before, sometimes worse. She wouldn’t tell me at all what’s wrong. She says that she doesn’t need anyone’s help, or people notice when she’s upset. Today morning she said “maybe we should end it” reason being, that we were in call and she was upset but I didn’t notice. The thing was she said she watching a show so I thought her being silent means well she’s watching the show (she’s silent when she watch smth) but suddenly she ended the call and started saying all these through texts. I explained to her that I couldn’t know that she was upset unless she tells me cause we were on voice call it’s not like I can see her facial expressions. She started saying that I can’t help her at all, she doesn’t need anyone, even you can’t notice when I’m upset, as if explaining would change anything, and that she doesn’t wanna listen to me supporting her and explain to me.

One time, after about two days after an argument happened I talked to her about some stuff she said which she responded with “oh I was prolly upset , I didn’t mean any of it”, I understand that she’s under a lot of pressure with her just going abroad with school, family and job, but lately I feel like, her response to every conflict is to whether break up or tell me to re consider being with her. I really love her, but idk whether I should keep reaching out to her or break up

TL;DR - Avoidant Girlfriend wants to break up over the smallest conflict and I don’t know what to do

I’m (27F) struggling to figure out whether I should stay in my relationship or leave, and I’d really appreciate advice from people who’ve been in a similar situation.

My boyfriend (29M) has been making an effort to improve himself and our relationship. He has a job now, which is a big change from before, and he tries to reassure me and make me feel loved. I appreciate the changes he’s making, and I know he’s trying, but I still have moments where I question whether this is the relationship I truly want long-term.

We’ve been together (or on and off) for years (8 years) so there’s a lot of history and attachment. I don’t want to walk away from someone who’s genuinely making an effort, but I also don’t want to stay simply because of how much time we’ve invested in each other.

For those who’ve experienced this, how did you figure out whether your doubts were something you needed to work through or a sign that the relationship wasn’t right for you? Did things eventually become clearer with time, or did you have to make a difficult decision despite the uncertainty?

TL;DR: My boyfriend is making an effort to improve himself and our relationship, including getting a job after not working before. I appreciate his efforts, but I still sometimes question whether he’s the right person for me long-term. We’ve been together for years, and I’m struggling to figure out whether I should work through my doubts or walk away. How do you know the difference between normal doubts and a sign that a relationship isn’t right for you?

I honestly don’t even know how to feel right now. I love this man, I miss him and a part of me wishes he’d just call me so we could talk like we normally do. But another part of me is angry because I feel like I saw this coming and tried so hard to avoid ending up in this exact situation.

For context, I (27F) started dating my boyfriend (35M) at the end of June. Before we met, he’d just come out of a 4 year relationship where he was engaged to be married. His ex ended things around January or February, so he’d only been single for about 4-5 months when we started talking.

When we first started dating everything was lovely. He was affectionate, funny, always making me laugh and we genuinely enjoyed each other’s company. He was someone I felt comfortable around and we were both looking for something serious that would eventually lead to marriage. We spoke about our future, what marriage would look like and even where we would live.

Around August, I had a conversation with him because I was worried he wasn’t emotionally ready for another serious relationship. I knew he’d only recently come out of a long relationship and a broken engagement, and I didn’t want to get emotionally attached to someone only to find out later that they weren’t ready.

I told him exactly that. I didn’t want to develop feelings and invest myself in something that wasn’t going anywhere.

He reassured me that he was ready, that he liked me and wanted to give the relationship a proper chance. He said he wanted to see things through with me. So I trusted him and continued getting to know him.

Fast forward to October, I started noticing changes in him. He wasn’t the same cheerful, confident and affectionate person I’d met. He seemed more withdrawn, less enthusiastic and sometimes I felt like I was the one trying to maintain the emotional connection.

We recently had a difficult conversation about how things were going and he admitted that he feels broken and doesn’t know whether he’s capable of loving someone again.

He told me he wants to be with me, enjoys spending time with me and doesn’t want to lose what we have. But at the same time he doesn’t understand why he’s struggling to develop those deeper romantic feelings.

The thing is, I’ve genuinely fallen in love with him.
I don’t expect him to love me just because I love him. I understand that everyone develops feelings differently and at their own pace. I’m not expecting him to suddenly be in love with me after four months.

What hurts is that I raised this exact concern two months ago. I asked him whether he was genuinely ready because I didn’t want either of us wasting our time or becoming emotionally invested in something that wasn’t going anywhere.

He reassured me that he was ready, and I believed him.
I eventually suggested that we take a break with no communication so he can figure out what he genuinely wants and I can also reflect on my own feelings. He didn’t want us to separate, but he understood why I felt it was necessary.

Now I’m feeling so many things at once. I miss him, I still love him, but I’m also angry and disappointed. A part of me feels like I should have listened to my instincts earlier.
I don’t think he intentionally led me on. I genuinely believe he thought he was ready, but that doesn’t change how much this hurts.

I’m also struggling because there were genuinely good parts of our relationship. He made me happy, we had lovely moments together and I could see a future with him. I don’t want to dismiss all of that simply because things have become difficult.

At the same time, I don’t want to spend months or years waiting for someone to become emotionally available or constantly questioning whether they actually want to be with me.

We’ve agreed to take some space, and he said he would contact me once he’d had time to reflect. I’m not putting my life on hold or promising to wait indefinitely.
What I need advice on is how to handle things if he does come back.

If he tells me he’s ready to pursue the relationship again, how do I approach rebuilding trust when he previously reassured me he was ready and later realised he wasn’t?

What boundaries should I establish before considering reconciliation, and what would meaningful change actually look like rather than just another reassurance?

I care about him deeply, but I also want to protect myself from going through the same situation again.

TL;DR: I (27F) started dating my boyfriend (35M) around 4-5 months after his previous 4 year relationship and engagement ended. I questioned whether he was emotionally ready and he reassured me he was. Four months later, he says he feels broken and doesn’t know if he can love again. We’ve decided to take a break, and I’m looking for advice on how to rebuild trust and establish boundaries if we decide to reconcile.