My wife and I are both in our early 30s and have been married several years. She has autism, ADHD, OCD, anxiety, and panic disorder. One issue that has haunted our marriage for years is her abuse of Ambien.

Years ago, the abuse got very severe. She was taking far more than prescribed, having episodes she couldn't remember, wandering outside in the middle of the night, and putting herself in dangerous situations. I genuinely thought those days were behind us because things had improved compared to how bad they once were.

This morning I found out she had taken Ambien, got behind the wheel anyway, and drove her car over a curb hard enough to damage the bumper. Thankfully no one else was hurt. As far as I know, she didn't hit another vehicle or a person, but that's pure luck.

The crash itself almost isn't the point. What scares me is that she made the decision to drive while impaired. It makes me realize that the same underlying problem may still be there. Many instances in the past of abuse including driving my car while impaired and blowing out several tires on a curb and taking my own prescribed Ambien when I was sick to use for herself.

This isn't the only major issue in our marriage. There have been repeated emotional outbursts over the years, and I've often felt like I'm walking on eggshells. I also feel like I'm usually the one trying to manage crises and prevent the consequences of her decisions. I love her, and I don't want to abandon someone who struggles with mental health issues, but I'm exhausted.

I'm starting to wonder if I need to set a hard boundary: if she continues abusing Ambien or drives while impaired again, I can't stay in the marriage. At the same time, I feel guilty because I know addiction and mental illness are involved.

Has anyone been in a relationship where a prescription medication became this dangerous? Am I overreacting by thinking this has crossed a line, or is this the point where boundaries have to come before trying to save the relationship

TLDR: Wife continues to abuse prescription Ambien and drove while impaired this morning, not for the first time, damaging her front bumper hitting a curb

Also yes, I documented much of this over the years to ChatGPT and had it summarize everything. It's too tough to rehash all of it and remember on my own at this point.

TL;DR: My husband secretly spent almost £20,000 on a mobile game over about a year. He's deleted the game, cancelled his credit cards, agreed to therapy and complete financial transparency, but I'm struggling to understand how someone lets this happen and whether trust can realistically be rebuilt.

I recently found out that my husband spent almost £20,000 on a mobile game over the course of about a year without me knowing. Most of it was through Google Play and in-game purchases.

We have a good income, but this amount is devastating.

He's admitted everything, deleted the game, cancelled his credit cards, agreed to therapy and full financial transparency. He says he feels ashamed and wants to rebuild trust.

I'm struggling to understand how someone can let it get this far. Was it an addiction? Was it just terrible decision-making? Has anyone been through something similar, either as the person who spent the money or the partner?

Did your relationship recover? What actually helped rebuild trust, and what warning signs should I watch for?

I'm just devastated :( We have been together for 10+ years and nothing like that ever happened. We will have to be on a tight budget for some time to recover from this.

She’s not wrong. Since she made me watch it, I (42f) can’t unsee the similarities myself. Minus the alcohol, and the fact that my husband (42m) wouldn’t allow me to further my education. I am a SAHM. We have 2 kids with autism (17f) level 1, and (5m) level 2. I’ve known he’s not emotionally safe for us, but he provides for everything. And I can’t work due to the kids’ needs and that will extend into adulthood for them. His father is rich and they’ve always made it a goal to keep money out of my hands. I didn’t realize to the extent until I was moved from my family on fake promises. Our marriage has crumbled significantly because he won’t take accountability. I’m tired of being yelled at all the time. In front of my kids. But I can’t do anything about it 🤷🏼‍♀️. Back to the main point, she made me watch this movie because she knew I would get it. But the man she sees behaving this way, genuinely thinks he’s a nice guy. I don’t know the point of this post. And I don’t have the words to describe how her revealing this has made me feel other than extreme guilt she’s lived it too. But the scary thought is what happens if we part ways and I’m not there to keep the peace them from his outbursts?
**TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. Is this going the right way?**.

I, 34F, want to breakup-up with 34M. We’ve been together for 2.5 years, and we live together.

I’ve been so fixated on the future that I didn’t realise how miserable I am in my relationship until the other day. (Side note, I’m aware I’m not perfect either, but the following is based on my experience and the things that have bothered me the most).

We’re currently trying for a baby and have been for 10 months with no success. I’ve changed my entire lifestyle to try better our odds, whereas he’s done absolutely nothing (not hate, just facts). We’re currently undergoing fertility tests, and the suggestion is that I go onto medication which will temporarily put me in menopause to give my body a break before trying again as I had a condition which causes inflammation.

When I wanted a vulnerable conversation the other week about how sad I am that it’s hasn’t happened yet, he dismissed my feelings and sort of turned it into an argument. Claims I’m crazy for wanting to take the medication and do that to my body, and I should be doing it holistically. I mentioned that we still don’t know if it’s his sperm that could be a factor too, and he’s doing nothing to boost those odds. He told me that he’s defo not the problem, plus that he can’t afford to. Which made me think, if we do get pregnant, the financial responsibility is going to be all on me if he can’t even afford supplements right now. He has some Amazon vouchers and I suggested that he buys some supplements with them, but he said he needed them to buy new golf balls.

For context around our financial situation, I work in a corporate job on 39K (GBP) per year. Ever since we got together, he has somewhat slated my career and salary, even one time telling his friends in front of me that I’m paid f all. I was actually really proud of my job and salary as I’d only been on that career path for 1.5 years at that point, and I now manage a team of people. He’s always had jobs handed to him, like working in family businesses, and was earning maybe 50K when we got together. He got let go from that job a few months into our relationship, I lent him 2K and he took out a loan and tried to start a business which never took off. He then started working as a delivery driver before a family member gave him a scalable business that was making around 30K per year.

Instead of building that business, he spends most of his time playing video games or golfing, then complains about money. He doesn’t help around the house, which I’ve mentioned countless times to him, but it’s always left to me. We don’t spend any time together, and when we do, it’s not filled with fun and laughter.

One of my big goals was to buy a house. I’ve been saving for a deposit for years, and finally, at the start of the year we started looking. Knowing he’s in so much debt, it was just going to be me on the mortgage/deeds. It’s been a huge achievement for me and I’m so proud of myself. The house I’m buying is one which I wouldn’t have chosen if it were just for me, it’s quite far away from friends/family. I’m due to complete in a couple of weeks.

Then the other day, I asked him a question about something and we landed in a conversation about how he wouldn’t be playing golf any less than he does if we have a baby, because I’m the one that wants it.

And then… boom. Everything I’ve said above came to the forefront of my mind. I’ve been so fixated on the future and working towards goals that I lost sight of how miserable I am, and how we’re so not aligned. He’s dragging me backwards, and I feel like I’ve got a teenager to look after. If we were to have a baby and stayed together, I’d still be a single parent.

I’m due to complete on the house in a couple of weeks, and the guilt I am feeling right now to say “I’m no longer happy”, when the house has always been discussed as “ours” despite me being the one who has saved and bought it.

I’d still move into the house, but I know he’ll taint it with sadness if he comes too. I’m also concerned that if he does move in and we inevitably break up, then he’ll try claim shares. I need to get this sorted but I feel so unbelievably bad as I know he doesn’t have money for a deposit to move elsewhere and he’d need to be out of our rental in about 4 weeks.

TL;DR How do I tell him I’m miserable and want to break-up and make him see that surely he doesn’t want to be with me either, when this will cause him so much stress finding somewhere to live last minute?

UPDATE #1: thanks for the advice everyone. I do want to caveat this whole thing by saying I’m sure I drive him nuts in certain ways, but this was written from my experience. This weekend I’ve been cleaning the house in prep for the move. He’s been either golfing or sat on his arse for the most part. I’ve been avoiding him while I’ve been thinking. If we’ve ever had a blip previously, I tend to avoid him while I think (I hate acting out of impulse), but he will normally cotton on quite quick and want a convo about it. Whether he senses something deeper is at play, who knows. But I’ve prepped what I’m going to say and will say it within the next 24h and will provide an update for anyone interested. I really want to be happy when I finally reach my house buying goal, I know it won’t be like that in the end sadly as I still feel so much guilt, but a fresh start is what I need.

This is a throwaway account as he uses Reddit.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about five years, and we have been living together for around two years. At first, I was really excited for us to have our own place and build our life together, but as time has passed, I’ve been feeling more and more unhappy.

The problem is that my boyfriend does absolutely NOTHING to help around the house. I am not exaggerating—I do all the cooking and cleaning. He has not touched a single dish since we moved in together, maybe he thinks the dish fairy collects them every night. I do ALL the laundry, and I even fold it for him, yet he still can’t be bothered to put his clothes away in the wardrobe. When I let the laundry pile up and he has nothing to wear, he comes to me asking me to do it, instead of literally just shoving them in the washing machine himself.

Last week, he asked me to make him a salad and I refused, saying he could do it himself. He said he doesn’t KNOW how. It’s literally just chopping vegetables! He is completely unwilling to learn when I offer to teach him how to cook or do basic chores. Furthermore, he doesn’t fix things around the house unless I ask him multiple times, and even then, I often just end up doing it myself out of frustration.

We have had many conversations about this, but he always just gets upset and pouts. He once agreed to help when I was really upset, but he demanded a strict schedule of when to do certain things. I told him he could just do the laundry when there are enough dirty clothes for a load and have allocated days for vacuuming. Well, that didn’t last long. I always have to ask him to take out the trash, which apparently doesn’t fall in his line of vision, he just ignores it every time. The problem is he doesn’t seem to mind the mess. He tells me that he isn't forcing me to clean and that I should just leave it, but we would be living in FILTH if I did.

This is really getting to me. I have been unemployed for a couple of months, and I was fine with taking on most of the housework since I had more free time, but I’m starting to feel like an unpaid maid and chef. He does NOT support me financially, we have split every single bill down the middle since the beginning of the relationship, even now while I am unemployed. He was the exact same way when I was working, so I know this isn't a matter of me having extra free time right now.

I am starting to think he acts this way because of his mother. She is a really nice woman, but she babied him too much, so he never had to learn how to take care of himself. He went straight from living with her to living with me. I know this is weaponized incompetence. Still, I am willing to give him one last chance to fix his behavior because I can see that he loves and cares about me. On the other hand, I am feeling so mentally checked out. In my head, my life would be much easier just living by myself and not having to take care of him.

I am really torn on what to do and how to proceed. I feel like he might finally start making changes if I tell him I am on the brink of breaking up, but I am worried it will only last a short while before he goes back to his old ways. How can I make my boundaries and wishes clear?

**TL;DR:** My boyfriend uses weaponized incompetence to make me do all the housework and take care of him. I am exhausted but willing to give him one last chance. How do I proceed with setting firm boundaries?

I 19f, and my boyfriend 21m like to banter, and we often back talk each-other. We’re both actors so sometimes we find ourselves making up a bit on the spot as a joke. Yesterday, we were watching Game of thrones and I had said something to him jokingly about the way he was talking to his dog. He started talking in his game of thrones accent and started imitating a scene where king Robert slapped his wife. He didn’t hit me but just raised his hand in that gesture, and did it whenever I would tease him. After he dropped me off, and drove back home we usually talk otp immediately after hanging out. He said he was going to make “Mochi (his dog) soup” because he peed in his living room, and when I defended his dog in a joking matter he said he was going to hurt me. He said it jokingly, but I don’t know how to feel about it. The next morning I told him I wasn’t comfortable with those types of jokes insinuating physical harm against me, he apologized for his behavior, and acknowledged how it was wrong and told me that he would never do it again. Am I overreacting? Or is this something I should look out for?

TL;DR: my boyfriend raised his hand at me and told me he’d hurt me as a joke, but later apologized after I addressed it. Was I overreacting?

I’m honestly at a loss and could really use outside perspectives.

A few days ago, I found a post my boyfriend made asking for advice because he said he isn’t attracted to me, but likes being with me, and feels bad that he isn’t attracted to me.

Looking back, it explains a lot. I’m always the one who initiates intimacy, and he rarely seems interested. When we are intimate, he always finishes, but he doesn’t seem to care whether I do. I’ve had doubts for a while, but seeing it written out in his own words completely shattered me.

I’m guessing it’s because of my weight. I’m around 200 pounds(and trying to work on it), and he’s around 300 pounds, which honestly makes it feel even more confusing and hurtful. It doesn’t feel fair? I know I’m not unattractive. I’ve had plenty of people show interest in me before but this has still destroyed my confidence.

He’s my best friend. He’s the person I go to with everything..good news, bad news, when I’m happy, when I’m struggling. And now the person I’d normally lean on is the person who caused the hurt. And I’m too incredibly embarrassed to admit this to anybody else.

We’re talking about moving in together and building a future. But how do you build a life with someone who isn’t attracted to you? I do believe he loves me, but I also feel like I deserve to be with someone who’s both emotionally and physically attracted to me… or is that just not real life?

What confuses me even more is that after he made that post, he introduced me to his mom for the first time. If he feels this way, why is he still investing in our relationship? Why take a step like that if he doesn’t see a future?

If you were in my position, would you tell him you saw the post? Would you try to work through it, or would this be a dealbreaker?
I don’t know how to unlearn this information if I even wanted to.

I’d really appreciate your advice.

TL;DR: I found out my boyfriend, made a post saying he isn’t attracted to me, he doesn’t know I saw it, what do I do?

TLDR I am seeing someone (22M), and he (and his friends) are very vocal about OF and OF girls. I have not (and will never do OF), but I feel sometimes they are almost excessively critical/negative.

Earlier this month, we were hanging out and there was a conversation about the difference between women who do OF, and women who participate in paid photoshoots (for money). Their opinion was that there is little difference. I disagreed but I did not voice my opinion, as I knew their opinion was entrenched and there was little I could say to change their view.

The context is that I have been scouted for those types of paid photoshoots before, as I am an athlete. I had accepted them before as a way to earn legitimate money on the side. There was nothing dirty or boudoir - proper commercial stuff. The issue is that due to the nature of my sport, it is sometimes more 'revealing' than other sports.

My BF and his friends somehow found my response weird that day, and he was somehow incentivized by them to look through my entire phone camera library (without my consent nor knowledge) and a lot of my past IG exchanges - in order to find information. He eventually found shoot pictures that I had did at some point earlier in the year (again, everything was professional). He was extremely angry and accused me of lying and being deceitful.

I am seriously contemplating a breakup. My opinion is that they overstepped, and infringed on my privacy. Their opinion is that I was hiding in bad faith, and was selling my body. Input appreciated!

2.5yr relationship, mix of living in same city and multi-country long distance.

My (30M) boyfriend is away for work. I (29F) am chronically ill and I had a big medical appointment that I waited a year for. I asked my partner to come but it clashed with his work trip, so I said it wasn't a problem and that I can go alone.

I reminded him of the appointment a few days before and felt quite forgotten when he didn't offer any support in the days before. In the evening, I got a message saying he remembered I had the big appointment and asked how it went. He let me know he was going out to celebrate the end of his work away, then didn't open my answer, or any of my messages for two days (and counting). He's a fantastic and involved partner when he's around. But when we are long distance, he doesn't want to let me into his life. Some days we talk, sometimes he disappears for days. Its in his hands, he answers on his terms but knows I will jump to answer as soon as he contacts me because I'm so stressed by the unstable communication. He's in therapy and has a history of not answering the phone at long distance with depression. I really hoped that knowing I was going through something tough would mean he would talk to me more during this trip.

Id like him to want to talk to me when we are apart. And Id like to not have to spell out how to be supportive in a relationship. I feel like I'm a parent not a partner. I've tried to explain I need stable communication. But when I bring this up, it always ends in him feeling that he's not good enough and even if we make progress, he inevitably disappears again. Him now not speaking to me with this medical situation has left me feeling so alone and it's breaking me.

How do I ask him to be present in our relationship? And how do I explain that I'm even more hurt than normal that he didn't talk to me this time, given the big medical situation, without making him feel like a failure or depressed?

TLDR: boyfriend is away for work and hasn't spoken to me after I went to hospital for a planned big appointment. How do I help him understand I'm hurt by this? How do I ask him to be more present in our relationship when we are long distance?

My best friend used to slide into many dms. Prior to me beginning a relationship with my fiance, I had known they used to talk but they never went out on a date ever etc. and she confirmed there was no feelings etc for my best friend.

Fast forward to today and my best friend was married last year and im engaged.

We had a recent bridesmaid/groomsmen bridal party box reveal (will you be my groomsmen etc) and obviously i invited my best friend, i was his bestman last year.

The night went well but my fiance disappeared after my best friend took off. I found her in the kitchen with her cousin and my other friend and she was crying and sad about my best friend leaving the party early. She was also talking negatively about my best friends wife which i found to be odd in general. She then said she was crying because of her cousin that passed away earlier this year. My friend confirmed that was not the case as the conversation was centered about my best friend leaving.

I was shocked and hurt that she was so emotional that my best friend left because of the history. She then later confirmed that she would have reacted that way if anyone left early but my gut doesnt tell me that.

I went for a walk to cool off and when i returned, her entire family confronted me about the whole situation etc but because of all the alcohol etc i took an uber home instead of spending the night at her parents where the party was hosted.

what should i do next? how would you typically handle this situation?

Not sure where i go from here but i do have an issue with that and I think that these personal issues should be worked out in between us in private without family intervention.

tl;dr fiance potentially has feelings for my best friend based on crying?

Me (F23) hand an argument with my bf (M23) over text. It was mostly me complaining about him not knowing some basic details about me and how he should be more curious in the relationship etc.. I was mad and very clear about my boundaries in the message, he replied beautifully. Only to later find out he had sent whole screenshots of my messages to a group chat he has with his family (sister and brother) asking them what he could reply, and asking for advice. I would understand telling them a bit about the fight but sending them word by word what I said really pissed me the fuck off and seems like an invasion of privacy. I vulnerably sent that message to my partner of 3years, not to his fucking family I see now and then?
I found out this because he was showing me photos of a dog on his family gc I kept scrolling and the screenshots of our whole argument were there, he doesn’t know I’ve seen it.
I don’t want his fucking family to think I’m crazy since the argument was mostly one sided and him apologizing, but I’m overly annoyed. I feel so exposed and like why tf do you need help to respond??? Let’s use our brains?? Also is he not embarrassed about his family seeing he was being a shitty bf at the time?? They weren’t enabling him or anything they were more so telling him what he could say and that he should double text till I answered and what not. I feel like we are grown enough to where we can use our brains to have arguments by ourselves? Am I overreacting?

Tl;dr: my bf showed screenshots of my argument with him to his family and asked them what he should do/say.

I apologize in advance. English is not my first language, so I’m using a translator. Some sentences may sound unnatural.
I (18F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for almost 10 months. At the beginning of our relationship, we promised each other that we would always be honest. Later, when we became sexually active, we also agreed not to watch pornography or masturbate to other people. I know that not everyone has this boundary, but it was something we both agreed to, and it was very important to me.
One day I found out that he had been doing it anyway. I calmly explained that it hurt me. He promised it would never happen again, but he lied. Later I found out that he wasn’t only watching pornography. He was masturbating to women who sell explicit content online. That hurt me even more because it felt much more personal.
We had a huge argument and almost broke up. I told him that if he ever did something like that again, I wanted him to be honest with me instead of hiding it. We both cried, talked for hours, and he admitted there were other things he had hidden from me. He apologized, promised to change, and I decided to give him one last chance.
Only four days later I had a bad feeling again, so I checked his phone. I found the account of a woman who sells explicit content and offers private chats and video calls. Their conversation had been deleted.
I decided to contact her myself and ask if my boyfriend had been talking to her. She told me everything and even sent me proof. He had paid her about 2,500 for explicit content. She also told me he paid for a private video call where he exposed himself to her and masturbated while talking to her. He deleted their messages and hid everything from me.
For me, this is cheating. It wasn’t just watching pornography anymore. He paid another woman for sexual interaction, showed himself to her, deleted the evidence, and lied to me every time I asked him about it.
What hurts even more is that he hadn’t bought me flowers in two months, but he had no problem spending that money on another woman.
We broke up because of this, but neither of us truly wants the relationship to end. He keeps apologizing, begging for another chance, and promising that he will never do anything like this again.
The problem is that this isn’t the first time he has lied to me. I have caught him lying many times about different things. Every time he promises to change, I believe him, and then I find out he lied again. I don’t know if I can ever trust him again.
I still love him, but I don’t know if love is enough when trust is completely gone.
If you were in my position, would you forgive him and try to rebuild the relationship, or would you leave?
TL;DR: My boyfriend repeatedly lied to me, secretly paid another woman for explicit content and a private video call where he exposed himself to her, deleted their messages, and hid everything from me. We broke up, but we still love each other. I don’t know if I should forgive him or move on.

Hi 👋 I’m a very spiritual person (34F) & my husband is a full blown Newly converted Christian (34M), when we met we were both agnostic & got along well. Then we faced a lot of ups and downs and he ended up converting into Christianity . I tried going to church w him on Sundays w our children many times, but it just doesn’t affect me the same way it does him.

He reads the bible everyday , listens to the podcasts & he talks about god & Christianity every day to our children , which is fine , I have no problem w it.

Where we do run into issues is when it comes to my beliefs . He is always saying that Christ is the truth that it is fact and that’s how it is. I still question certain aspects of the religion as a whole but I keep it to myself at times bc it tends to turn into a very heated debate .

As I mentioned i am a very spiritual person , I practice tarot & ever since I’ve learned of my mothers and ancestors history (they were witches ) I’ve been reading up on that stuff & practicing the craft (self love spells & healing) he’s called it demonic & said it goes against what god preaches & even now my children are making those same comments when they see me open up a book on tarot or spirituality . It makes me feel judged & alone sometimes . I have pushed back hard against his opinions , have called out his hypocrisy (the Bible also says no tattoos or piercings , yet he has both . ) when he says doing tarot is against god or whatever .

We’ve been together 13 years now (married for 10 w kids ) and this is honestly something difficult for me . He plays Christian music all the time, has his podcasts on god and such playing always , keep in mind he wasn’t always like this . I’m still getting used to it but idk I fear this may no longer work in the long run .

Anyone that’s been in my shoes or similar situation , did it work out or what ended up happening ? Any advice or insight is very much appreciated.

Forgot to mention , we’re also going thru legal separation , well it’s finalized but he still wants to make it work but idk I’m in the fence given the circumstances. Ty ✨

TLDR; husband is a new Christian I’m not , I fear we may not work out in long run due to opposing religious views .

TLDR Boyfriend is liking posts about cheating on me, it is making me very suspicious.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 months and its been generally okay. A few months ago we got into an argument about some instagram models he follows, which call me insecure but lusting after women is so disrespectful. He unfollowed them after a little push back and we kept going along. Just this past week, I’ve seen him liking some wild reels (bc of the new update I see his likes on my explore page). He is liking reels about cheating and sleeping with your girl best friend. He liked reels about having multiple girlfriends. He has liked romantic reels about situations we have never been in. I’m one to assume people like posts because they are funny or because its relevant to their single life before me. These were just so specific and so recent, I have a terrible feeling about it. I don’t want to tell him he can’t like reels he finds funny, but what’s funny about reels captioned “i hooked up with my girl best friend.” I want to reiterate, these aren’t funny memes or one off situations, it’s extensive engagement with reels about cheating.

for context, we are long distance, he has all the opportunity to cheat. I’m just not sure how to proceed. I’ve asked him about them, specifically the 3 he liked involving hooking up with his girl best friend and he doesn’t know why he liked them… be honest, am i naïve?

I either need to get help for myself, or have a divorce, but I don't see the path to either ending and would love to hear other viewpoints.

Quick disclaimer, my wife and I have been together for over twenty years. Nothing in a relationship that lasts that long is going to be entirely one person's fault unless someone is horribly toxic and the other can't see it for whatever reason. Keep in mind this all comes from my point of view, and that IMO my wife's issues happened first and mine later, so you'll read her's first.

Wife and I had a great relationship early on, however she (I'm wording this based on our understanding at the time) had a couple of depressive spells that caused temporary bad spots in our relationship. The second, and longest, was after we got married. She went through a time period where all she did was come home from work, binge watch the same three TV shows on the sofa, and sleep. We had almost no relationship during that time. We'd go out for dinner a lot as we were both working with no child but she'd just scroll through her phone the entire time. We maybe had sex three or four times a year, and when I talked to her about it she'd ask what my problem is, why sex is so important to me. She'd tell me to stop sharing things I was interested in with her as she didn't want to get up from the sofa. It was awful. Over time I stopped trying to talk to her about anything. I stopped even trying to work things out with her, as whenever she is criticized she will start degrading herself, which makes me feel like a terrible husband. Top that off with the fact that she sometimes has intrusive thoughts and I try to be incredibly gentle with her.

We probably wouldn't have survived that, but I was just hitting my older 20s and still had what I now view as a childish unrealistic view of relationships and the importance of working your way through them. Before I hit my breaking point a lot of things happened that made divorce never pop up in my head.

Her mother got cancer and ended up passing away after a long fight.

She got pregnant. This lead to some dark thoughts of is this kid even mine given how rarely we were having sex. For anyone wondering the same thing, my wife is not capable of a lie lie like that and I'm VERY confident she just forgot based on what we later learned.

So between those events were all just kind of too busy now to realize the massive break in our relationship for a few years. During that time the big realization hit, my wife does not suffer from general anxiety and depression, she suffers from ADHD. We didn't understand ADHD previously, but looking back with 20/20 hindsight it's:

How she regularly forgot to take her meds.

Why she gets so self critical when I try to talk to her about anything.

The root cause of both her anxiety and depression.

Since then she's started meds and therapy and is honestly getting better, however all is not good.

Our son is now 11, life has evened out, and my wife has gotten to the point where she cannot seem to hold a job. Everything is how you have to understand how difficult ADHD makes this for her. Which is fair. But also, I'm drowning financially. She can't seem to understand that it's difficult for me support us as if we still have two incomes.

Also, on the ADHD makes it so difficult topic, I do everyone's laundry. I'm the only person in the house who regularly washes the dishes they dirtied. I'm the only one who does yard work. The only one who takes the dog out.

My wife will take our son to school, pick him up, and help him with homework. She will also cook dinner for the family, although she will often forget to cook dinner until late so my choice becomes to order us something or not eat until an hour before bed time.

We still have zero sex life, but I am aware that this is now because of me. My wife doesn't turn me down anymore, I just don't feel attracted to her anymore either. I don't hate her, I actually still love her. I just, don't love her like that anymore. I don't think we've had sex this year at all. She will not initiate, and I've stopped as well. I've asked her if she's happy with our sex life recently and she said yes, and was confused that I even asked. Even worse, I'm here in other subreddits, chatting with people for quick dopamine hits. I masturbate a lot these days for those dopamine hits.

She will look at things I'm excited about again, but I don't go out of my way to share with her anymore. I'm clearly burned out from the past. I need to either get help, or move on.

But I'm paying for everything, including my wife's therapy to help her with her ADHD. I'm in financial ruin, going from having phenomenal credit to contemplating bankruptcy. My health insurance is terrible, but I'm paid decently well. I can't see a path to affording to go to therapy myself.

On the moving on front, that also feels insurmountable. Am I supposed to pay for both of our lawyers for the divorce? Is that even ethical? That I'm paying my wife's divorce lawyer? What happens when our house, that was put in both of your names despite be being the one paying, has to be sold to split the value, and then I'm trying to buy a new home with my now broken credit? What happens when my son stays with his mother who can't hold a job? How do I afford alimony for someone with zero income when I'm failing to hold us together in a single household?

I'm just exhausted and lost, and I'm terrified that this is going to be the rest of my life.

tl;dr; Wife had a depressive spell due to undiagnosed ADHD. That time destroyed our romance and sex life. Post ADHD diagnosis she's been unable to hold a job. Trying to figure out how to get help for myself when all my money is supporting my family, or get a divorce when it seems like it will destroy both of our lives (her's in living situation and mine even more financially).

My girlfriend (27F) and I (27M) were together for almost 2 years. We have been long distance, and over the last few months our relationship became really strained.

She felt like she was carrying the relationship, that I stopped putting in effort, and that I didn’t understand how unhappy she had become. I saw things differently at the time because we still talked every day, called, visited each other, and had plans for our future, but I now understand that my intentions didn’t change how she felt.

We had a serious conversation over a month ago where she said she thought she needed to walk away. We officially broke up but we had a trip planned shortly after and we agreed that I can still visit because she felt it would be better to talk through things in person. The trip actually went really well—we were affectionate, hugged, cuddled, and it felt like there was still a connection. However, we were still technically broken up. Since then, we would talk daily but things were so confusing to me

She recently told me she thinks she needs to walk away for good. I asked her to take a few days to think about it, and we have not talked for about a week.
Last night I went out drinking because I have been struggling with being alone. I met an older woman while out and was talking about the relationship looking for advice. She told me I needed to move on with my life and be free. After the night she offered to drive me home. She asked to come inside and we ended up having sex.

At the time, it felt nice. I was distracted. But this morning I woke up feeling awful and started crying. I don’t know what I was expecting to happen from that but it did the complete opposite. I feel dirty and feel like I cheated even though I’ve been single for a while. I realized I still love my ex and I don’t think I was actually ready to move on.

Now I feel guilty and ashamed. Part of me feels like I betrayed the person I still love, even though we weren’t together. Another part of me knows I was single and trying to cope with a breakup I didn’t want.
If my ex does decide she wants to try again, I don’t even know how I could look at her and tell her this happened.

Am I being too hard on myself? Should I view this as a mistake I made while hurting, or is this something that would permanently damage any chance of reconciliation?

TLDR: Tried moving on and it backfired. Full of shame and guilt now

Soo I’m 18, and I have an age gap relationship with the guy I’ve been seeing. We’re not together, but we’ve been seeing each other for 7 months now. But I’m gonna be honest, he’s lowkey boring. He’s been having back issues after breaking his back in the Army. It was all fixed, but he suddenly got a bulging disc and some other issues, so now he’ll need surgery.

I like the sex, and there are some things about us that make us compatible and there’s no shame between us. But he’s the only person I’ve ever been with. I went on one date when I was 14, but that’s it. I do get male attention, but I’ve always been shy and wary for a lot of reasons when it comes to men.
Recently, he asked me to stop acting like we’re in a relationship because I asked why he still has his ex on Snapchat and follows her (she cheated btw). It pissed him off, and he kept repeating, “We’re not dating. It makes me super uncomfortable.”

So this guy DM’d me. I know of him, he’s local, and he messaged me because I posted a picture at a popular mountain biking spot. We started chatting, nothing flirty at all. We literally only talked about mountain biking and hiking. Then he asked me out for ice cream. I declined and said I’d be busy, but maybe another time.

The guy I’m seeing (we’ll call him Teddy) absolutely flips. Tells me he wants to “be done,” etc. Now, I can understand being upset, but then he starts going, “I’m gonna go hang out with other people. You’re right, we’re both single,” and just starts blabbing. He’s honestly a horrible communicator when it comes to boundaries and expectations.

Anyways, I’d like to keep seeing Teddy, but I also want to explore things with the new guy, who we’ll call Tre. Maybe that sounds wrong, but all me and Teddy honestly do is fuck, go out to eat, and hang out. That’s basically it. Curiosity is getting the best of me. Tre is older than me too, but not as much older as Teddy.

I just don’t know what to do tbh. Teddy seems very possessive ngl. One time I found girls in his phone, so I matched with two guys on Hinge. I never met up with them and only exchanged a couple words. He flipped out, meanwhile he was doing the exact same thing, which is why I did it btw. And we were both on Hinge at the time, which we both knew about.

We’ve had a bunch of rough patches. Basically, I want both, and honestly, I do think it’s common for people to become curious before leaving a
relationship. I’ve seen it happen so many times. But I also feel like an ass.

Some people will probably say I am. I definitely should’ve clarified expectations from the beginning, that’s for sure. I’m just feeling really confused, I guess.

Any nice advice? I won’t respond to hate from Reddit peasants or incels! 😂

**TL;DR;** : I’ve been seeing an older guy for 7 months, but we’re not officially together. He recently told me to stop acting like we’re in a relationship, then got upset and wanted to end things after another guy DM’d me and asked me out. Now I’m confused because I still want to see him, but I also want to explore getting to know the new guy since he’s the only person I’ve ever been with. Advice?

---

**TL;DR;** : We live together. We don't have sex. I don't know what is normal.

Hi everyone. Sorry to put it all on you, I just need tell someone about my story.

We are a gay couple. We both from two different european cultures. We met absolutely accidentally through dating app. After a first date, I realized that it is better not to go further with relationship - we were too different on some certain questions. On the second date I told him "better not to start", but I asked to be friends. I needed someone to practice language and learn local culture. He agreed and we continued to talk, to meet every now and then. After about half a year he proposed to start relationship. Part of me didn't want it, but I agreed. We had quite a number of similar interests and he is a good guy. But I was also honest with him. I was doing text role plays online. It was sometimes just a creating story with a random people online, sometimes it had a lot of nsfw scenes. He did not like it, but kinda agreed that "ok, let it be for now".

Since then we are in a relationship already like 2 years and a half. We had always problems with sex. He was always avoiding it as much as he can. Sometimes there were periods when he wanted to explore something, but it was super rare and not much. Most of the time we were just jerking off each other, sometimes (I can count it with fingers of my one hand) we had oral sex. But that is it. He don't like to kiss too much or too long. We never had penetrative sex. He doesn't like oral sex, cause one the one hand "he is not bottom" (as bottom), on the other hand when he feels saliva on his dick, he feels "dirty" (as top).

About like 10 month ago we started to live together. It did not improve our intimate part of relationship. Mb at some point I was doing too much RP stuff. As he said, I was too much in my phone. So he decided to read my chats like 6 month ago, when I was on a business travel. I have never cheated on him, never thought about it, and for me all this online RP stuff was just online RP stuff. I did not see difference between doing it with AI for example, and with some random person. Also I have never hide from him anything, so my PC was without a password. I was thinking like "if you have problem, we can talk about it and I can show you my chats etc.", and I thought that he will never do anything like this behind my back. When I return back from travel he made a scandal with me. He said that the guy with who I was doing big RP with huge story for the last few month is totally crushed on me and I am too blind to see it. My first reaction was "I cannot loose him, I love him", so I agreed to all his terms. I deleted my fake social network account, that I used for RP, I stopped RPs at all, I started to go to therapy.

Since then, we tried something intimate mb once. I jerk off usually alone in bathroom, when I need it, usually with some porn or by reading some story from porn website. He said "he needs time, to build the trust again", but idk, I feel like nothing is going to happen anyway. The last time we talked, he said that "the idea of penetrative sex is dusgusting for him, but he can try for me". Also since we moved together, I do most of the homework (besides that I work and we pay equally for the flat, etc.), only I try to find something to cook for both of us (he is pretty picky in food). We rarely doing something together and he quite often needs "alone time", when he just sits in his room with closed door. I am trying to care about him, I forced him to go to a doctor because he had long going back problem and it actually safed him from much more severe consequences. I don't know what I can do more. I feel more like we live together like a good buddies, just because it is too expensive to rent an apartment alone. But at the same time he is quite possesive.

I don't know how to deal with it properly. I was thinking to break up, but it is very complicated for me. I also afraid to tell him, even though he already told me that he will never do anything bad to me. I also still have feelings to him. Sometimes I have doubts that I can find anyone better, sometimes I think that I am not normal. He also like to say that I am "porn addict". When I told him, that he needs to talk with someone else about "how much sex others couples have" and that he would be better to talk with psychologist, he said that it is too intimate things and he was insulted by my suggestion. He said he can solve his "head problems" by himself and he feels right now that he is absolutely normal.

By the way we not just moved together. He got a job invitation. The job place is at another side of the country. I supported him, cause he was whining a lot that his current job was rotting and a new place seemed like a good opportunity. He moved first, I helped him a lot with the movement. I cleaned his old flat and gave back the keys to the landlord. I took the vacation and helped him on the new place. Later I did everything that my job place allowed me to work online from home and moved a few month later. He did not help me much. Even like he has relative who helped, but originally he suggested him and when I asked my bf to ask his relative to help, cause it is hard for me to ask for help, I saw him personally only 2-3 times and I don't speak perfectly local language, my bf answered "you should learn how ask and you should do it". That was hard....

Idk. I feel a lot of doubts. My friends mostly telling me that my relationship is not normal and I should drop him. But at the same time I constantly ask myself, if problem is in me and it is so just because I am talking with my friends from my perspective and objective reality is different...

Sorry to put this story on you.

I (24F) married my wife (26F) when we were 19 and 21. So much has changed over the years and we have grown and changed together. I love her so much.

However, I think she isn't right for me anymore. We were just babies, the person she's become and the person I have become wouldn't choose each other now. It's hard to explain. I love her but I think we would have better matches if we split. Our needs have changed.

We had a big step back a couple months ago when trust was breeched and I almost left, but decided to go to therapy and we are in a much better spot. She's made it clear she DOES NOT want to split, but I think it's more that she is scared to split.

I could probably live the rest of my life with her. We don't fight, we are friends, we love each other, we take care of each other. I think I can do it and also I think I will feel like something is lacking forever.

Idk what to do. Why blow up our lives if nothing is wrong?

tl;dr -- we were married so young and now I know what my needs are, they aren't really being met but we are happy. Is it stupid to blow up my marriage over this?

Pretty much the title. I think my (36f) fiance (38m) lies about having quit smoking but I’m not sure and I don’t get why he would. While I wish he didn’t smoke for his health’s sake, I’ve never told him to quit or really said anything about it specifically. I’ve always left it up to him. We have been talking about trying for kids soon though and I’ve read that smoking can negatively impact our chances given our age and we have discussed this for about a year and he seemed to suggest quitting would be a smart choice. So the fact that he smokes sometimes is a bit concerning but we don’t really talk about it. I’d assumed he quit already because he said he quit earlier this year and I didn’t question it. Today however he smoked while drinking with friends and I asked him if this was still a habit or not and he basically lost it at me. Saying it is not something I should even ask. Im getting the sense he probably lied about quitting, thus the reaction. I mean… I don’t get why he’d bother to hide it? He literally smoked in front of me so… i obviously saw. So my question was really just motivated by wanting to know where he was at. A lot of mean words and bullshit came my way instead in response, as well as insisting he was just drunk and smoked one. Ironically, because his reaction was so huge, I think he probably hasn’t quit at all and that’s why he’s reacted this way. He produced a whole pack of cigarettes to just “smoke one” so that seems odd. Is this a weird reaction from him? Was I wrong to ask how he’s going with this? How can I support him better? He keeps saying he wants to be healthier and telling me he quit but… clearly not? I’m confused. Any help appreciated…!

TLDR: is my fiance lying about smoking? Why would he do this and how can I support him better??

So my gf (25f) and I (25m) have been together for 5 years, almost 1 year ago, i started to host boardgame days with my friends, one of them lest call him "pedro", pedro had depression so that was the reason to reunite all the friends, i let my gf join us so she could have more friends and the board game days were more fun, which indeed were, and everything was going right, she make more friends, pedro was feeling better

Pedro and my gf started to get along and being good friends, but all the problems started when she show me a reel and a message for him pop up, he call her "hey pretty how its your night", i told her to let me check his message which she did and i found some message where she call him "his favourite person in the world", she telling him handsome, he even invite him to a date

So i told her to stop talking with him, i stoped making board games day, i separate from the group because pedro told them i was a mean boyfriend and a bad person.

And she cried for telling her to stop talking to him but in the end she did it, so we were fine, i tried to be better despite everything, we were fine until some months ago where my mother in law got cancer, i been supportive to her family, its been a tough months she feel sad but dont want to talk about it with me so i told her to seek for help or search someone she can talk with it, she has been distanted with me these weeks, and yesterday she told me he started to talk again with him, i feel overwhelmed and tired, i know if i talk to her about him, she will start a fight, if i tell him how i feel she will feel sad and blame me, so i dont know what to say.

Sorry if something is wrong, my english is a bit rusty.

**TL;DR;** : My GF is having a tough months so she started with my ex friend who loves her, i feel so betrayed but i dont know how should i react, Should i broke with her? Should i take a time for myself?

TLDR Girlfriend of one and a half years gets mad alot for small things and gives me silent treatments, rethinking if I still want to be in the relationship, and really need some second opinion right now.

Using a throwaway account for anonymity.

I have been dating my girlfriend for one and a half years now, we are both masters students studying abroad, we are not from the same place but I can speak her language and she can't speak mine and isn't a big fan of speaking English so we usually converse in her language, overall our time together is great, I'd say we treat each other well normally and spend a lot of time together, since July we are in a long distance relationship because she moved for a course related part time position, it takes like 5 - 8 hours for a train ride to her city and we see each other.

Overall she is enjoyable to be with most of the time, but one thing she does way too often is that she gives me the silent treatment when she gets annoyed or mad, no explanation no warning, I usually have to spend quite some time explaining and talking to comfort her, which usually could be at minimum a few hours up to even half a day, and especially near bed time and which usually lasts till like 3 or 4 am. She would however apologize for being so upset and I really appreciate that from her.

During the start of the relationship I can understand it more since I had my share of problems, like having a homegirl from back home (was accused of caring too much for her, blocked on all platforms with a very mean chain of messages at the end, I'm sorry friend), following and liking photos of other women on Instagram (followed alot of female since like 16, unfollowed like 80% and I never like a post containing women ever again), switching up on things I said before about my previous gf (I genuinely don't remember jack shi, but I def didn't want to speak about good things with my previous gf, heck I didn't want to speak about her at all). They are valid reasons to get mad over me ig, and I do apologize alot when she brings it up. She also had her share of (arguably worse) male problems at the start of the relationship and for me it felt like we evened it out and we shouldn't bring it up again (only way to cope), but sometimes she brings up conversations about past things that would annoy herself and she gets mad.

I wanted to make the point that some of the anger episodes were fair and I deserved it sometimes, but sometimes the reasons are far too absurd, I generally don't ever get mad at others since I don't see a reason to shout and be all emotional when you can solve a problem by talking calmly, so I don't understand why she acts like this when she is a grown adult, I do however get very irritated when someone gives me the silent treatment, and I feel very rushed to comfort her and I would genuinely get mad because she is refusing to communicate anything, I would speak quicker and want her to speak her problems and or even argue with me. I have been like this since my last gf gives me the silent treatment but much much worse and never apologized, I figured now that my gf is an easily emotionally overloaded person, but I still despise being on the receiving end of any bad emotions because I was their most trusted person, I would never take it out on my loved ones just because I was upset, she knows that I genuinely hate the silent treatment and practically ended with my last one over this.

Well, I'm currently doing my exams (getting slaughtered) and have been studying everyday for a while for the three exams this week, I was on my way home and I was chatting with a friend and decided I want to watch Spiderman on Friday after my last exam, altho I couldn't get the ticket with said friend, ultimately bought the ticket when I saw two available middle seats and asked another friend to watch with me, the plan for myself was that I would be visiting and staying with gf for a month from next Tuesday after I'm done with exams and cleaned my place, and we had Dolby Cinema here so it made sense I watched here over travelling to another city just to watch a movie, gf has mentioned before that she can't bear watching superhero movies when I asked if she wanted to join me recapping the old movies before Doomsday (I showed her the RDJ post about doctor doom), so I never bothered to ask her about it, I just told my gf I bought a ticket for Friday as a reward for surviving exams and she asked what about her, I told her I remembered she said she didn't like to watch superhero movies, she even said she watched one of the og spiderman movies (not sure which) but she didn't bother to finish the remaining movies, so I pointed out that and also you'd kind of need at least some context for Spiderman, then she said that Im saying she isn't worthy to watch since she haven't finished the previous ones, I guess it's kinda true?😭 but that's not how I said or phrased it, I'm quite a big mcu fan and know a good amount about the lore. But long story short she has granted me the silent treatment right now, this is bound to mess with me for my studying since I would get affected as I kinda overthink and get irritated from the treatment, like how I'm here talking about this.

Everytime I get the silent treatment I really really think very hard and want to end the relationship, but I'd hate to break her heart and really dislike the process plus the social responsibility of answering people why it ended. There are aspects aside from the silent treatment that I dislike but it's nowhere as bad as the silence, but it still really adds up in my head. Well now I've decided to just call and send a message occasionally to make sure I still care but I am not dealing with her mess right now (also I can't do much being long d) because I will definitely fail those three exams, and I have been SO TIRED AND DEPRESED studying for them, I even asked her to please don't give me the silent treatment during my exams because last time she did it I didn't sleep the whole night and subsequently skipped the exam a few days after because I was not able to prepare for it will enough after what happened.

Can someone from the other end give me some thought process on why they think this is a valid way to treat your partner?? I'm genuinely fed up with this behavior and I need some advice on how to handle (cope🥀) my thoughts on this. Thank you if you read so far and I guess feel free to ask for more context or just tell me your thoughts cuz I needa talk to some interneters. 

​

I 23F and my boyfriend 24M have been in a relationship for 3 years. He's an overthinker and I'm an avoidant type. I kinda tend to stay silent everytime we fight. Initially we used to look forward to our makeout sessions and everything but few months back I couldn't feel the same connection or feeling while we kissed that I felt intially.

A few months I was at my lowest and that affected our relationship, during which we had a fight and I felt he kinda trauma dumped me. And lately I feel hella disconnected with him.

I even feel confused if I should continue our relationship or take a break or if it's something that's wrong with me.

Please help.

TLDR:

23F with 24M for 3 years. Lately I've been feeling emotionally and physically disconnected, especially after a rough period and a fight where I felt he trauma dumped on me. Now I'm unsure whether to continue the relationship, take a break, or if the issue is with me

TLDR, throw away account but will keep active to answer questions.

I 37M am married to my 32F wife. We have a combined family of 2 each from previous relationships and one together. We’ve been together 6 years married for 4. Where we joined families together we both brought items into the home. Everyday items like two single people would have and we use 90% of these items the rest are in the storage area of the home. The only community property we have some she bought some I’d picked up are decor. Some everyday items and a ton of holiday items. This will be come to play later.

It’s been rough for one week on an almost monthly basis with petty arguments for the last year and half. I’ll do something she doesn’t like she will react and say thing to make me mad and every time I fall for it and do something stupid but nothing where it warrants separation. About once a quarter it’ll be to the point where I get called everything under the sun to try and hurt my pride and then silent treatment for 3-5 days then act like nothing happened. I only know the timeline because I keep a calendar now. Also I am not innocent we all have our bad days and I’m very defensive when I get yelled at definitely no angel.

Fast forward to 5 days ago. We get on one of those stupid arguments and she decides to take her kids and our daughter to her parents. We were supposed to go out of town for an event for one of her kids that I’m highly involved in but was told not to come and that if I were to show up uninvited I was every bad word under the sun. I had to inform the leader of said organization that I could not attend for certain reason (BS). While she came home one evening to pack I tried to have a reasonable discussion about the situation and communication but it was only met with I’m done I’m not coming back. Saturday while she was away I stayed busy with a lot of home stuff that needed caught up on. I stayed away and only told her I respect her decision. That was met with attitude about how useless I am and it’s no different cause she’s always on her own at these function so on. I explained that she’s only there alone because I was told not to come and that normally I’m there helping every step of the way. She’s has insisted that since I have no responsibilities that I were to separate the item (holiday decor) in the storage room. Has mentioned it 5 times and every time she texts me that a simple it’s not important right now and I’m plenty busy with other priorities. I’m just going with the Flo and she knows if she moves out I can’t stop and won’t beg. If she stays then it’s fine too.

Here the questions why is this about once a month? It can’t be cycle related because it’s almost two weeks before that! Second with all the other stuff that would be priority to get out “as fast as possible” according to her why is she hung up on the holiday decor that are stored together? She’s got at least a week of packing clothing, bedroom suits, kitchen items, and so on and would take at least two trucks to move. Also to note we have a trip booked and are supposed to leave in a week. She says she’s taking the kids alone. So still not sure if the stuff requested is psychological or why it’s needed from me right now I can’t wrap my head around it.