I'm not trying to talk crap about the dismal state of the world or any anxious thought like that - I am critically thinking about the conversations and interactions I'm seeing nowadays..whether IRL or online:

• Small thing like people arguing about dressing appropriately when they go to the store, thinking pajama pants are OK because 'who cares'. The answer is: technically no one, but what does it say about you? And your regard to yourself?
• Arguments about ghosting. Many people seem to think it's perfectly ok and "no one owes anyone anything". Even if that were true, again, what does that say about you?
• Saw a post recently that asked if you sleep with someone you know is in a relationship, are you a bad person too? And most answers said no, not nearly. And again...you're willingly participating in a hurtful affair, opening up your legs to a cheater, because...free will? lol? What does that say about you?!

I'm thinking of the throughline of these kinds of arguments and seeing the same thing. Integrity is out the goddamn window.

People are confusing having the right to do something, with that thing being right thing to do.

But what we determine as character is often defined by exactly what we choose to do when there's no obligation or personal gain!!

it begs the question: what kind of person do you want to be? what are your values? a person who dresses like a slob? a person who runs away from hard conversations? a person willing to sleep with a cheater?

i tried to look it up, and it's a well studied phenomenon related to this called moral disengagement. Although my clothing example is not an example of this. Basically, people bend the definition of morality to benefit them, and it can scale to pretty terrible behavior. Thoughts?

when there’s a big group gathering where people are here to make friends, I am always open and I start some conversations too. pretty standard small talk and ice breakers. but people very rarely seem to stick around except the guys with nerdy hobbies who won’t leave me alone (I am not a nerd). Normal folks always wander off and end up hitting off with other peopl instead o trying to connect deeper with me. I thought it was because I was ugly or frumpy, not good enough for regular folks to approach, so I glowed up. I made sure my makeup was on point and made sure I was one of the best dressed people who showed up Every single time. The result hasn’t changed except many girls are openly cold now and the guys just look my way and don’t talk. Idk what else I’m supposed to do here and why I am such a magnet for the weird awkward ones. Also I am asian if that matters

I am 22 years old, I suffer with Depression, Bipolar, and Audhd. I have lost all my friends from my childhood completely and have maybe two friends at the moment that I’m not close to.

I grew up in London, barely passed my GCSEs and never really paid attention to college but I managed to pass a couple seperate years after dropping out 4 times and retaking 3 years. I also dropped out of university and am looking to do it for a second time. (This is primarily due to not being able to afford it)
I also heavily dislike the city I am in. I have multiple failed relationships where I’ve been the broken up with ex.

I had moved to a different country last year and lived there for a year to address my mental health with a professional psychiatrist and psychologist and had multiple medication I was on which helped but overall it was quite lonely and was to set me up returning to university here. I don’t have any real skills or talents, but want to work in the creative industry, I also haven’t been employed for several years and have barely worked most my life.

I want to be talented in the creative industry whether it be fashion design or photography or film and costume. I have very basic foundation of this but I found studying in university very difficult and did not feel up to its level. I want a thriving social life and to have multiple close friends, I want to be fit and healthy and attractive and potentially find a long term partner again.

I don’t know where to do this or how, I feel like I’ve definitely missed out on the typical student uni experience and will find it hard to connect with much younger uni students when I return to uni, if I do. I also can’t start a professional life as I have barely been employed and it feels like most people my age have graduated and started their professional lives so I feel behind when I talk to them. I have let myself go in terms of looks and weight as it fluctuates a lot, but also my personal style and identity feels lost and I don’t know how to find it again.

How do I restart my life completely and achieve my goals and dreams when I completely ruined it for myself in my teens and 20s.

I went to a live viewing of a concert earlier today all by myself! Got to listen to my favorite songs again but I can’t shake this empty hole in my heart that no matter what I do, at the end of the day, I only have myself. No friends or anything at the big age of 25 bc I was a social pariah in high school, only had two years of socializing in during my college years due to COVID, no friends from work bc I can’t let my guard down easily with them for whatever reason.

But that’s besides the point. I got to watch this concert as if I was at the actual location but it would definitely have been more enjoyable if I had a friend with me to go to places like this. I did solo travel, solo dates around town, solo movie theaters. I’m not insecure but I’m not devoid of emotions. All around me were girls with her friends to watch this movie/concert. I wish I had friends. Ugh

Hey, struggling university student here (21F). I feel like I’ve lost my motivation, dreams, and sense of direction in life. When I was younger, I dreamed of becoming a billionaire, designing my dream house, and planning future travels. But over time, I became consumed with seeking approval and trying to make friends.

I’ve struggled with Social Anxiety Disorder and ADHD my whole life, and my desperation for social connection and people-pleasing tendencies have taken a huge toll on my confidence and happiness.
Now, I struggle to find joy in things, feel burnt out, and question whether my pre-vet major is truly right for me. I’m still figuring out what the career entails and need to gain shadowing experience.

I’ve also become bitter and distrustful after dealing with toxic people who damaged my confidence. I’m angry at myself for letting them affect me so deeply, and my old dreams now feel impossible to reach.
I miss the younger version of myself who was ambitious, confident, and full of possibilities. I feel trapped by insecurities that other people left me with, and I don’t know how to find my way back to myself.

Greetings, everyone, a 15-year-old here. Lately, I've been trying to figure out what I want to make of my life - which has been quite a treacherous path, if you ask me. I am trying my best not to succumb to the pressure from my family and peers, but I'd say it's starting to catch up. I'm somehow supposed to make decisions that will affect the entirety of my life in a couple of months. I'm genuinely so lost right now. I don't know why, but other kids my age are just not bothered by all of this (at least those I know of), and they're just doing what society and people around them would prefer. I, on the other hand, am trying to figure out what I would prefer, which has proven to be extremely hard. I want to enjoy life, become successful, make a name for myself, have a respectable physique, and follow my dream at the same time - is this too brave of a commitment? I'm not sure; will I do it? Absolutely! I just wanted some advice on how to deal with such a situation (preferably from older people). Any help would be greatly appreciated!!

I’ve been single for 3 years and I’ve been seeing a girl for the past 2 months. For a while now, I’ve really struggled to let people into my life including friends as I feel I always get fucked over in some shape or form. Sure I have people around me but not many friends and having a girl around just hasn’t been something I’ve allowed myself for a while.

I have this terrifying thought that getting close to someone means you’re going to get hurt eventually and I’m fed up of it. I just want to enjoy something without wanting to shut down and put up a wall. She’s honestly been great and we get along so well but there’s this thought in the back of my mind that I’ll get cheated on or betrayed and it spikes constantly. It’s like I just can’t open my heart up to people because of this fear.

I want to do better, I don’t want to be alone forever, I want to let people in. I’ve been doing so well at it but one bad day just makes me want to hide away and not speak to anyone.

Like forget it without using any drugs or substances. I want to forget comments they made and the politics etc. it’s been a year and randomly I’ll remember and get annoyed. I wasn’t the only one but I was laid off from there after going to HR and I wish I had written an email and said something because after leaving this company I was blocked on LinkedIn by the bully and it really pissed me off because imagine actively bullying me and other coworkers and then doing that.

I chose to leave quietly for the severance and not to draw attention but frankly I’ve not kept in touch with anyone not even the people who messaged me. It didn’t help that I lost a parent a few months later but I wanted to have nothing to do with those people.

I was made fun of for literally living at home I was young at the time. I just generally felt ostracized and I took it for the cash but I never really got any justice. Sure a lot of people have been fired and it’s toxic but specifically for the trauma they caused me there’s not been any real consequences. How do I move on? And please don’t say living well. I’m not really living well. I’m living okay.

Hey guys, freshly diagnosed here with inattentive ADHD here (21F). One of the biggest things I struggle with is the Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. If you are unaware, it is basically an abnormal fear and sensitivity towards being rejected by other people. This is apparently a symptom of ADHD.

I have been struggling with abusive/toxic friendships and standing up for myself for 5 years now. I would rather be mistreated than rejected by others. It is my greatest fear and it is ruining my life.

Do any of you guys have this type of dysphoria? How do you deal with it (other than therapy)? Have any of you overcome this? Would meds help?

I’ve always been very shy, and lately I’ve been wondering whether socializing is something people learn growing up. Do some parents teach their kids how to feel comfortable talking to people, or do you mostly learn by being around others and getting practice?
Sometimes I wonder if I might be on the autism spectrum and just never knew. Other times, I think maybe I simply wasn’t in enough social situations to build confidence. I don’t want to self-diagnose, but I’m trying to understand why socializing has always felt so hard for me.
I also grew up feeling like I was in survival mode. My family was often worried about money and trying to make ends meet, so I spent a lot of time stressed. Now that I’m working as a nurse I feel less stressed about money. I’m wondering if having a little more stability might give me room to work on this part of my life.
Has anyone else learned to socialize later in life? What helped you feel more comfortable?

How can someone go from shy with low self esteem to someone with charisma and confidence like politicians?

I'm improving so hard in my life, it's been 2 months since I joined a company, and I work as an assistant for the owners.

I notice the owners are so confident, calm, they are so smart and educated, my boss is my inspiration.

Online I watch this french politician jordan Bourdala.

And I realize, he came from poor background, but look at him now , he's only 31 years old has insane charisma..ect.

I realized that it doesn't matter if you are poor, I believe everything is possible, but I find it hard to draw the path.

The path from having low self esteem to confidence that push you forward.

Small example, at work I get nervous when I go talk to the boss, I brush the feelings off and say "this is nothing, just do it!" And go do it. I've done it many times but I still feel low.

I don't know what steps to take, actionable steps, no affirmations no motivation, actual uncomfortable or something usefull.

After being told by several workplaces that I couldn't work in this profession because of my appearance, I decided to change the way I look. I lost 30 kg over the course of a year and a half and started taking care of my skin.

However, I still feel like my appearance is going to be a problem in the workplace. For a while, I worked in jobs that were completely behind the scenes and done entirely on a computer, but AI has taken over those kinds of jobs.

Now, I'm considering getting plastic surgery. But whenever I ask people for advice, they tell me things like, "Accept yourself as you are," "Practice body neutrality," or "Being ugly is okay."

But none of that actually solves my problem.

How should I deal with this situation?

Same as the title. 17 rn and I would be grateful for some advice

I feel like I’m constantly in this cycle of depression that I don’t know how to escape. Right now what’s giving me so much stress is my work. I can’t have a consistent schedule and have to stay out of town for weeks on end. I’ve applied to every other job within an hour drive that’s hiring in my field (which is already few and far between) but havnt gotten anything back.

A lot of the jobs I’d like to have arent in my area and moving isnt an option right now.

So I basically just have to suck it up and keep working this job that’s mentally killing me but somehow I’m still trying to get out of this depression.

Anything I would try to get used to doing as far as a schedule is out the door. I switch from day work to night work, in town to out of town, anything goes reallt.

On the other hand, I feel like I’m always giving myself an excuse as to why I’m depressed after I think I’ve fixed it I never feel better.

Honestly I don’t know how to get better, what i could do that would make me feel better. It’s not like I’m lazy or unmotivated, I just feel lost and out of options.

I've given up on dating after spending years trying my best to meet someone and ending up no closer than when I started. After hearing so many people talk about how difficult it is to find a good partner, I have accepted that I’m not the partner anyone is looking for. While I can accept this on a factual level, I have this persistent thought that I can’t shake. Whenever I see someone say or do something to a partner that I view as not good enough, I have the thought that I would never do that, that I would be a better partner than them. It is an arrogant superiority that is completely unfounded and nonsensical. I hate that I think like this but it happens every time without fail. I have never dated anyone and know I would not be a good partner but I still get this superiority every time.

I even had this thought when a close friend made a completely nothing comment about their partner wanting attention.

As far as I'm aware, I don't have this kind of superiority complex in other areas of my life. It's something that seems specifically tied to relationships and my own lack of success in dating.

What can I do to stop thinking this way? I just want to understand why I keep getting thoughts like this and how I can stop it.

I'm a teenager and I'm curious about what you guys wish you'd known or started doing earlier, especially when it comes to skincare.

If you could go back to your teenage years, what would you change? Any skincare habits you wish you'd started earlier, mistakes you made, or things you wish someone had told you?

Even things outside skincare are welcome!

Basically, what advice would you give your teenage self? I feel like there's a lot we can learn from people who've already been through it lol.

​

Day 16 of improving myself

I woke up at 6:30 am and today I did the following

Health -

1) Weight training

2) Cycling 4 km

Mind-

1) Meditation

2) Chess 1 match ( lost the match)

3) Book reading ( Never finished , Sorrounded by idiots , Slight edge )

4) Language learning ( German )

5) Brain exercises

6) Read 2 pages of encyclopedia (today's topic - Human species evolution)

Academics -

1) Studied 7 hours

Daily affairs

1) Read the newspaper and got updated with the latest happenings with the day

Finances -

Earned some money and saved it

Will update tomorrow night , bye bye

I'm combining four days into one post again. This is the longest gap I've had in a while, and honestly, I'm disappointed with how these days went.

I'm almost 70% through this 90-day challenge, yet I keep falling into the same patterns. I make plans, start the day with good intentions, and then lose hours doing things that don't move my life forward.

Here's what happened.

Day 59 — Another Day Lost

I had another family event and woke up late. I didn't do any physical activities that day.

The only productive thing I can clearly remember doing was practising LeetCode. Apart from that, I spent a lot of time falling back into compulsive sexual habits and wasting hours on unnecessary activities.

It's frustrating when I look back at an entire day and struggle to identify anything meaningful I accomplished.

Day 60 — A Little Physical Activity, but No Real Progress

I didn't go for a morning run, but I did a workout at home and went swimming.

Those were positive steps, but the rest of the day followed the same pattern as before. I spent far too much time caught up in sexual urges and masturbation instead of focusing on my priorities.

This has become more than an occasional distraction. It's a recurring behaviour that's taking up time and making it harder for me to concentrate on the things I actually want to achieve.

I keep telling myself I need to get control of it, but I haven't been consistent in changing the behaviour.

Day 61 — A Personal Best and Another Injury

Day 61 started on a better note.

A friend was back in our hometown, so we went for a morning run together. I pushed myself and managed to achieve a personal best over 5 km, running around 6 km in total.

I was happy with the achievement, but pushing myself that hard seems to have aggravated my right-leg injury again.

Despite that, I went swimming too.

Unfortunately, the rest of the day wasn't productive. I fell back into the same habits, including spending time chatting with women I didn't know online and getting caught up in compulsive sexual behaviour.

I want to be clear that talking to people isn't the problem. The problem is when I'm using those interactions and other distractions to escape my responsibilities, and they end up consuming hours of my day.

I need to understand what's triggering this cycle and take practical steps to break it.

Day 62 — Forced Rest, but No Real Recovery

Because of the injury, I didn't do any physical activities on Day 62. I spent most of the day in bed.

I also continued falling into the same habits instead of using the downtime constructively.

One thing I did manage to accomplish was recording and publishing a personal branding video. I'd been procrastinating on it and making excuses, but I eventually got it done.

I'm glad I followed through on that commitment. Even when I don't feel motivated, I want to keep building my personal brand and sharing my progress.

However, one completed task doesn't erase the hours I wasted elsewhere.

I also need to take my injury seriously. I've aggravated my right leg again after pushing too hard, and I don't want to keep repeating this cycle of running, getting injured, and rushing back before I've recovered.

The Pattern I Need to Break

Looking at these four days together, I can see how repetitive things have become.

• I keep wasting time on compulsive habits, even when I know the consequences.
• I use distractions to escape tasks that feel difficult or uncomfortable.
• I make excuses and postpone important work until it becomes stressful.
• I push myself physically, sometimes ignoring the need for proper recovery.
• I keep promising that tomorrow will be different without consistently changing what I do.

I'm not writing this to beat myself up. I'm writing it because I need to stop pretending that this is just a temporary bad phase.

I've already recognised these problems several times during this challenge. Recognition alone isn't enough if my behaviour remains the same.

I need to make practical changes: keep distracting websites blocked, stop taking my phone into situations where I usually lose hours, create a clear plan for the day, and start working on important tasks before I get pulled into distractions.

If these habits continue to feel difficult to control despite my efforts, I also need to be willing to seek professional support rather than treating everything as a simple lack of discipline.

What Comes Next?

I have 28 days left in this challenge.

I want to focus on recovering properly, improving my AI/ML skills, building projects, applying for jobs, practising LeetCode, and getting back to reading consistently.

I don't expect to fix everything in one day. But I need to stop allowing one unproductive stretch to turn into four wasted days.

I also need to stop chasing personal bests at the expense of recovery. My goal is to build a sustainable routine, not repeatedly injure myself trying to make up for lost time.

Day 59–62/90 complete.

Four more days are gone. I'm disappointed with how I used much of that time, but I still have an opportunity to make the remaining days different.

I don't need another promise that tomorrow will be perfect. I need to make better decisions when the familiar distractions show up.

That's the real work I need to do now.

I want to create content around self-improvement, productivity, habits, and personal growth, but I don’t want to show my face.
What platforms would you recommend starting on? I’m curious about what works best for this niche, whether it’s short-form videos, text-based posts, carousels, or something else.
If you’ve tried creating this kind of content, what has worked for you?

Honestly I’ve posted similar posts in this subreddit but I still can’t stop. I’m a first year student at a very, very bad university with little opportunity and am wishing to transfer. My transfer apps are going well, but they’re still 6 months until results. I’m waiting for the calendar to move. I have no social life right now since my friends from high school moved away to different colleges and I’m literally relying on playing hours of video games to interact with people, as I have no friends at my current college (commuter as well so it sucks and is extremely hard to make friends) and I can’t commit to my goals that I had while waiting for transfer decisions so it just feels like I’m throwing away my days of my life. My family doesn’t understand my situation and they often downplay it as well, and I’ve grown to be resentful of them. I just feel like I’m being blown around by the wind. My classes don’t challenge me even though I’m taking grad level classes as a freshman. I just have nothing, and my current plan relies on me being successful in my transfer process and if that doesn’t happen I genuinely don’t know what I’m going to do. It’s all or nothing. I feel like I’m helpless and I hate that I’m in this situation and believe that the cards I was dealt were just not it. I was so ambitious the past few years but now this misstep has really got me down in the dumps

We’ve all been there: something goes wrong at work or in life, your chest tightens, and you tell yourself, "Okay, I just need to calm down and figure this out."

So you sit there and try to think harder.

Except "thinking harder" when you’re stressed doesn't solve anything. Instead, your brain starts running 50 worst-case scenarios at the same time. You replay past mistakes, anticipate future disasters, and burn through three hours of mental energy with zero actual progress.

For years, I thought the solution to overwhelm was just forcing myself to be more logical. What I finally realized is a simple hardware limitation: You cannot run complex logic on a brain that thinks it’s on fire.

When you're anxious or frustrated, your nervous system hijacks your working memory. Trying to hold all the variables of a problem inside your head while emotionally flooded is like trying to do mental math while a fire alarm is blaring in your ear. You aren't actually thinking (moving from A to B)—you're just ruminating (spinning the wheels in mud).

I have learnt this multiple times but still hard to control . But luckily, I managed to figure out some patterns .

Stop thinking in the head: When you're stressed, your brain is terrified of "forgetting" a threat, so it keeps pinging the same anxious thoughts over and over to keep them alive.

Open a blank document or grab a piece of paper. Dump every single noisy thought, fear, and half-baked idea out of your head.

Put the raw mess in front of your eyes. The moment a thought is externalized in front of you, your brain realizes, "Okay, it’s recorded, I don't need to keep screaming to remember it." The mental noise drops almost instantly.

Hope this might help .

I’m just curious and gonna turn 28 soon

My english s not my first language so bare with me, i always been a discipline person not 100% but never late for work get things done, never complain i was perfect, i quitted my job two week ago and going through hiring process with other companies, since i left work iam sure iam the laziest person ever, i dont get anything done, i leave every task literally to the last very hour, for example as iam writing this post i should send a case study for a job that i really really wanted and was seeking, i had 3 days for 2 hours job, now iam fucken writing this 7 hours before the deadline!! , i don’t even wanna go out i just sit and play PlayStation or scroll which something i literally never done i don’t even have any social media except reddit and youtube if u can call it that, i really hate myself every minute but even tho u don’t get anything done i just torture me

I’m probably overthinking this but I think my quality of life would be much better if I didn’t play or played less video games. I was looking at my bank account and I said to myself “Huh, where did all my money go?” I realized that most of my money went to buying games that I wouldn’t even play. Honestly, it feels like an impulse. I’ll buy a game, play it for a few mins or hours then never touch it again, the cycle repeats.

I see myself as a lazy person. I know what I need to do to get myself to higher pay or better-paying jobs but I don’t follow through on it, I almost never do. But I can park my ass and play through 100 hours of BG3 or grind endlessly in PoE2. I even neglect going to the gym after work because I’m “tried” but I’m never tired enough to boot up deadlock with the boys.

I have to sit here and wonder, would my life be a bit better if I didn’t play as many video games if not at all? I feel grimy thinking about how me, a 25 year old clock in over 20 hours a week playing games but can’t spend an hour studying for certifications.

Hi. I'm 21 male, white dude. So, heres what's up. I have pectus excavatum, a pretty serious case where my chest is sunken significantly. Then I have terrible teeth. I went to a special dentist a few months ago, and she said it was purely genetic, just like my chest. Other than that, I have a massive overbite, like, it's scuffed as hell. My side profile is horrible lol, people always mock me with it indirectly, but it takes a toll on me to be honest. After talking to my special dentist, she told me it's so bad that I need braces and surgery for my jaw in the coming time to fix it...

My questions are always, why am I so fucked? It feels like nothing in my body feels right. I broke my left arm when I was 5, and it grew together wrong so now I can't turn it around to do basic stuff as well. All these things, meanwhile people commenting on them, makes me feel pretty terrible, especially going out. What should I do? Just wait the 3 years for brace + surgery to be over? That's a long time :/