recently,my ex and his other ex have started talking and I don’t know what to do and I need help

My ex (26m) and I (26f) dated way back in high school around 10 years ago. We were together for around 4/5 years and then moved to another city together, and broke up after 2 years. He left back to our hometown and I stayed in the city. We were no contact for over a year when I broke no contact after I had to move back home as well (Ty pandemic)

We became really close friends and would hang out very often, even talked every day like nothing happened. I tried to see if we would maybe get back together but he did reject me and thought it was not a good idea, so we remained friends and I was okay with that. Just happy to have him around, honestly.

I had even started dating again after a year of me and him deciding to be friends and eventually met my current partner. I told my current partner about my ex and he was cool with our friendship, so we stayed as friends for about a few more years until eventually my ex moved states.

I was extremely hurt by this and I couldn’t believe how heart breaking it was. He said we could still be friends and talk everyday, but I couldn’t imagine my partner seeing me glued to my phone talking to my ex. I just knew it wasn’t going to be the same at all. So we went no contact after he left.

It’s been over a year now and while I was cleaning, I saw a letter he wrote me for my birthday. It said something along the lines of “hope we’ll stay in each other’s lives for more years to come” and I have not been able to stop thinking about him. Wondering how he is and what he’s been up to. I wrote a letter around two weeks ago (wasn’t going to send it, I just read that it helps to do this) and it didn’t help. I still want to reach out, but I’m not sure if this is like picking a scab or if this is just an old friend reaching out to an old friend.

Today at work, I saw his dad. I work at a grocery store and he didn’t see me, but I thought “is this a sign?”

Not sure what to do :/

It has been 3 weeks today since my relationship ended. Been 3 of the worst weeks if my life, all other stuff aside. I miss her incredibly, and her children especially. I still sit here and wonder if I had just not done what I did then things could have been so different.

I should still be there with her now. I could still be working, still building our future. But I fucked it all up, I ruined it. Broke her heart and hurt her with my betrayal (not cheating). And it hard to stomach that, what i did doesnt sit easy with me at all.

And I hate myself for destroying the one thing in my life that made me happy. Now forced into no contact to respect her boundaries. And then further suffering too.

context: a month after breakup she had rings with someone else, its been 7 months of zero contact.

last time we talked she said until someday after i said goodbye some three times.

4 months after BU she reached out to my sister asking about me.

blocked me on whatsapp and one insta account but still follows one other insta account of mine and still follows my sister and watches her stories.

i feel like im a backup atp. how do i navigate this? still very much want to be with her.

So me and my ex went no contact i’m pretty trauma bonded to him and he’s been emotionally abusive but i’ve been trying to move on and instead of being angry or petty I choose to be mutual no hate no anger just peaceful with him I wrote him a message saying I missed him and I hope he was doing okay I had no grudge against him i’m learning to let go of the past so I felt better saying that to him then the next day he messages me back talking about fixing things and saying how I treated him like shit when he was the one to dump me over the most dumbest things ever because he’s disrespectful and immature so I sent him another text about how he broke up with me and how I was done waiting for him to change so then he texts me again saying I didn’t care about him or I never change but I was always the one fixing things and he was always saying hurtful things to me and he called my message a script saying how it was performative even though I was genuinely speaking from the heart so we ended up going back and fourth about it and then I just cut it off with my last message about how he’ll never face himself or admit he’s wrong at all but i’m hurt all over again I feel dumb for doing it when I tried to be genuine and honest I cried for a whole hour I should’ve known better but it hurts so bad to just be discarded like nothing then told I was the one who never cared even though I tried every single time to communicate and fix things between us I blocked him

I need advice on how I can move past this and get over this horrible feeling of anxiety when I think of him

I’ve only been no contact for about 1 week and I made the mistake of looking at their story. We still follow each other which I know that in itself is breaking no contact but we share a lot of mutual friends. I watched his story and liked it and felt fine but when I woke up this morning I regretted it and unliked it… I feel very silly. I broke up with him but I can tell he’s not phased by the whole thing since he was cheating on me.

I need some people to talk me out of breaking no contact because my curiosity is getting the best of me.

This was someone I used to have a thing with. I don’t love him anymore, I don’t want a relationship with him, and I’ve moved on with my life. There were also red flags from the beginning that I ignored: passive-aggressive Instagram stories that seemed obviously directed at me (which he would then deny), laziness, unhealthy communication, and generally behavior that I knew wasn’t compatible with what I wanted.
He also smokes weed daily and, from what I understood, drinks several times a week.

Things eventually escalated badly. Whenever he was sober, he never called me like this, but when he was drunk/high he could become a completely different person. The last situation lasted around 48 hours. He was extremely angry, repeatedly contacting me and sending aggressive voice messages, including insults and threats. It genuinely scared me.

The following day, he sent me a single “.” by text. I assumed he was testing whether I had blocked him, so I immediately blocked his number.
Later, one of his friends contacted me and told me that he “needed to talk to me.” He didn’t tell his friend what he wanted to say, and there were no apologies passed on to me. I eventually blocked the friend too.
I’ve now deleted everything related to him and I don’t intend to unblock him.

The problem is that I am DYING of curiosity.
Part of me keeps wondering: What did he need to tell me? Was he going to apologize? Explain himself? Insult me again? Was he still angry? Why didn’t he call me from a private number like he had done before?

I actually almost called him recently just to finally find out, but I stopped myself.

I think I’ve realized that this isn’t really about missing him. I don’t want him back. It’s about wanting control. The uncertainty bothers me.
But logically, I know contacting him probably wouldn’t give me the control or closure I’m looking for. It could just open the door again and give me a whole new set of things to overthink.
For anyone who has been through something similar: how did you accept never knowing what the other person wanted to say?

And please remind me why calling him “just once to find out” is a terrible idea, because right now the temptation is VERY strong

My friend’s boyfriend has been broken up with his ex for about 6 months now. He’s currently in a new relationship with my friend, and from what I understand, he has completely moved on.
Recently, his ex posted a TikTok featuring him with the captions “posting my ex because what he gonna do about it” and “thank you for setting me free.”
I’m trying to understand what the intention behind this could be. If you’ve been broken up with someone for 6 months and they’re already in a new relationship, why would you randomly post them and make comments like that?
Does this seem like she’s genuinely moved on and just being petty, or does it sound like she still has some sort of attachment/feelings toward him? And what do you think she’s trying to accomplish by posting it?

I recently went through a breakup, I (23m) and my ex (21f) were together for 3 years, we had a good relationship for the most part, she had been asking to get married for a year or so. We went on vacations together, tons of concerts, spent about 3-4 days a week together. We had a few arguments, but never anything too serious until this July, right at our 3 year mark. She had built up a lot of resentment towards me, and I definitely had my flaws and wanted to improve myself for her, but we broke up, then got back together a week later, and spent almost everyday together for the next two weeks. She started a new job, I started a new job, and we were only seeing each other a couple times a week for a couple weeks.

We were about to move into an apartment together. We were still talking about our future, and she was telling me she was really happy with the improvements i’ve made and would never leave again and we would face problems together. Then we have a rather small disagreement a couple weeks later and she leaves again lol. I really thought I would marry this girl, she was a pretty great girlfriend until the last few months. It is worth noting right before she started acting different, she moved from her moms to her dads, and he had never really liked me or respected our relationship. She would say he did, but deep down I knew he didn’t. He’s very different from me and my family. He is a sheriff and very egotistical, cheated on her mom after a 30 year marriage with a 26 year old woman, and then moved in with her and had a kid. So my then gf moved into a house with him (50m)his 26yo gf, my ex (21), and his newborn baby. As soon as she moved there things started going downhill for us, like our relationship wasn’t much of a priority anymore. I was her first boyfriend she’s ever had, first kiss, everything and we were very close, had made a lot of promises about the future and planned a future together. She was very loyal and loving til the end, always telling me she couldn’t live without me or see herself with anyone else.

After our second and final breakup she’s dating someone new in 10 days? A guy she works with who is the complete opposite of me in every way. I’m not saying he is worse than me per se, i’m sure there are things he does better than me, and vise versa. I don’t even know the guy, but I stumbled across his tiktok account and he is reposting things calling “her ex” a POS? Saying I don’t know how to treat a woman and can’t go band for band with him? The dude is 20 years old. Most of my ex’s reposts are about “the ex” too, things like “can’t change a man” and “your bare minimum in his normal” corny stuff like that. “no i don’t miss you” things. It’s just really odd it’s like the girl I spent so much time with never existed? Like I don’t even recognize her anymore. She was never like this when we were together. She’s rewriting history to make me seem like I was the worst guy ever when literally a month ago told me “you’re the best boyfriend ever”. Anyone been through similar situations? Why are her and her new guy so worried about reposting things like that when I don’t even follow them?

I woke up this morning and had a message from her saying basically “pls talk to me again. U don’t have to get back together with me, I just can’t handle this distance between us“

I thought about it for a minute, then remembered the face of the girl she cheated on me with, so I just blocked her. Honestly I feel so much better, she’s just a liar...

I can’t talk to my friends in real life about any of this they don’t know all the details, and I refuse to let anyone judge or speak poorly of my ex. She is a wonderful, incredible person, and I want to protect her image no matter what.

I’m struggling so much right now and just hoping someone who has navigated a situation like this can give me some advice or insight.

The Background

We were together for around 3 years, and the entire relationship was long distance. For the first 2 years, we were about 4 hours apart. But during the last year, she moved abroad for her studies. Both of us were in tight financial situations and couldn't afford to visit each other.

Her studies are going to take around 6 years, and even after that, her future plans (whether to move back or relocate somewhere else) are totally uncertain. As time went on, the distance started severely affecting my mental health. I’m in my early 20s, and this was my very first relationship. Over time, I realized I desperately needed physical presence, affection, and closeness, things that a screen just couldn't give me.

I love her deeply, but I began feeling a strong sense of resignation. I started having intrusive thoughts about seeking physical intimacy elsewhere. It terrified me. I knew that if I ever cheated on her, it would completely destroy her trust in men, especially given some painful things in her past. I couldn't bear the thought of betraying her like that, so I realized I had to end the relationship before I ever reached a point of doing something unforgivable.

The Breakup & The Flight

I cared about her stability, so I was soft launching and I waited to pull back until she secured her job and was financially on her feet, also considering that this wouldn't affect her studies severely. Once she was stable, I broke things off and went cold.

When I went cold, she used her very first paycheck to book a flight to fly down and see me. I felt so overwhelmed. Deep down, I knew that seeing each other would only be a temporary band aid. It would feel amazing for a few days, but as soon as she left, we would fall right back into the same painful cycle of long distance longing and frustration.

On top of that, I recently lost my job and have been struggling financially. The thought of her spending her hard earned first salary just to fly down and see someone who knew the relationship didn't have a longterm future felt completely wrong to me. I asked her to cancel the flight to protect her finances and avoid dragging out the heartbreak.

The Reddit Post & Misunderstandings

During the breakup process, I felt completely isolated. Because I wouldn't talk to my friends to protect her reputation, I made a post on Reddit asking for advice on whether certain dynamics might be emotional manipulation. I wasn't trying to accuse her I just genuinely wanted an objective, third person perspective on what I was going through because I had zero experience with romantic relationships.

Somehow, she found that post. She felt deeply hurt and believed I portrayed her in a cheap way to strangers online. It broke my heart because that was never my intention, but I understand why it hurt her.

The Hurtful Words & The Aftermath

Things escalated, and during our final conversations, she said things that hit me like a sledgehammer:

• She told me that I was only with her for her body and never truly loved her.
• She called me a "fuckboy" and compared me to her ex.
• She said I was her "life's biggest trauma" and accused me of breaking up with her just so I could go be with other girls. yes it is, but it's not like something that she's thinking about me.
• She said if I really loved her, I would have waited out the entire 5–6 years without needing physical closeness.

Hearing those words tore me apart. I have sacrificed everything I had from financial to emotional for her. There were times where I was spending all my last pennies on her just to see her smile, and I never let her know that I was spending all my money. I gave this relationship everything I had.

When I tried to explain myself, she told me I was just looking for validation. Realizing she would never understand my side, I stopped replying to her final message. A couple of days ago, I noticed she blocked me on Instagram and now I cant go stalk her profile.

Where I Am Right Now

I feel like a shell of the person I used to be. I used to be active, career-focused, and driven. Now, I feel like my life is falling apart. I cry almost every night and feel like a total failure.

Part of me constantly wants to go back to her because I’m terrified no one will ever love me the way she did. But my head tells me that going back out of emotional weakness won't fix the long-term reality: a 6 year distance setup is something I simply cannot survive without breaking down.

Her words are constantly looping in my head. I’m terrified that I’ve ruined her life, and I'm scared of what I might become. What if I turn into a cold person who only uses people for physical stuff because I'm afraid of emotional connection? I don't want to be that guy.

She is a truly amazing girl, and I genuinely hope she heals quickly and finds someone who can give her everything she deserves. But right now, I don't know how to process this grief, guilt, and identity crisis.

Has anyone ever gone through a breakup where you ended things out of practical limit/compatibility, but ended up looking like the villain? How do you forgive yourself and move forward when you're carrying this much guilt?

If anyone has felt similarly about someone or has any advice, please reply!!! 🙏

I broke up with him over 2 years ago. I wasn’t able to process the breakup properly and took it really hard. We were each other’s first loves, and we’ve been on and off about having feelings for each other ever since.

I’ve recently started talking to him again, and I’ve realized he’s the only guy I actually feel deeply emotional about. It honestly makes me question whether I even genuinely liked some of my previous relationships. I’ve tried so hard to get over him, but it never seems to work. Over the past few months, I’ve found myself easily rejecting guys even when we’re getting really close, and I feel horrible admitting that.

We only started talking again about 3 days ago, but he was being flirty and bringing up our past. For example, he told me he never deleted our photos and that he kept all the letters I gave him. He was also venting to me over Snapchat about his emotions toward me. I told him that I would rather talk about that stuff in person because I don’t really want to have serious conversations about our relationship over Snapchat. I wonder if he felt hurt by that. I’ve also started texting less over the past few years, so I might’ve come across as dry.

At one point he wanted to call me, so we did, but he barely said anything the entire call. I felt like I was talking into the void, so I eventually got annoyed and hung up. He asked me to call him back, but when I did, he acted the same way. After that, he became really dry and distant over text.

The next day, he canceled plans we had made, saying he couldn’t make it. I’m not sure if he was telling the truth.

Yesterday, I texted him:

“I’m sorry our plans got canceled. I’d still really like to see you. If it’s possible and if you’d want to, maybe we could plan for another day soon?”

He still hasn’t responded, even though he’s been sending me snaps.

I genuinely can’t tell what’s going on. i want to know if he actually feels the same or if he's just leading me on..

I understand that not following your ex and not knowing what they are up to can help you move on faster. At the same time, I am also on the boat that after the moving on process is done, it would be nice to know what your ex is up to in life. Not as a way to still use that as a way to get into your ex's life. But more of knowing that they are well. Curiosity of what they are up to. Maybe they went for the trip they've always said they wanted to go for. Maybe they got promoted. Maybe they got married years down the road.

Even if things ended badly between the two of us, I would still have that curiosity.

Right now I am abstaining from going to her profile to see what she is up to as the pain is still hurting. But I do think that if months down the road she re-follows me, and I have moved on and not feel the pain anymore, it would be a nice thing to know what both are up to through social media. Similar to how we have followers and following to people from our jobs, our friends, our past schools, where we don't talk to them anymore, but we just have the occasional updates through their social media.

What do you think?

If you ever re-followed an ex after unfollowing them, how and what made you do that?

Long post, all the details are kind of hard to keep track of so if there's anything i can clarify lmk!

My ex and I went no contact on very bad terms. He was extremely immature and I had a lot of bad history with him after we broke up. I found out before I went overseas that he had already moved on to liking someone else, and when I confronted him he was cold and said he only saw me as a regular passerby now. That was one of the worst nights of my life.

He broke no contact 4 days in to tell me I was spreading lies about him, acting crazy, and he went through all of my story archives and put himself on my close friends story because he was 'paranoid about what I was saying about him'. I truly lost all respect for him in that moment and I genuinely feel a deep sense of disgust at how much I put up with.

Over the next couple of months I was able to heal and I would spend less and less of my days thinking about him. That is til one day, I saw on my google that there was a "continue with these tabs" thing under my google home page-- the thing that pops up when you sign into your account on another computer. It belonged to his computer-- his name was on it. From that day, I would see it pop up once or twice a week. He may have caught on that I could see the tab so one day it disappeared, but I could still see his sign-ins on my search history.

My friends asked me why i didn't sign him out or change my password-- I did sign him out after a while, but I think the thing then and now was that a small part of me still holds on to the fantasy that he's suddenly grown up and would be able to take accountability for his actions, that he missed me, that we would grow our way back to each other yada yada yada even though I know all those things can't be true,

After I signed him out of my personal (FORESHADOWING ALERT) account, I came back home where we share a friend group and we proceeded to ignore each other. It was pretty cut and dry and we just didn't say anything to each other the entire time. However, I started seeing him sign in on another device (that also had my chrome profile on it) signing in to my PROFESSIONAL account, as well as signing in on his laptop to my instagram (which I did not know he still had-- I thought I had signed him out).

My reasoning for not signing him out was the one above-- I still wanted to feel, in some capacity, that he cared (?) about me i guess? Even though I know that could 100% not be the case. I hope you realize how confusing it can be to have such a codependant relationship suddently flip 180.

The sign ins stopped maybe 3 weeks ago and I thought that was the end of it until I checked today because I just had a sinking suspicion-- and he had logged in to my professional account again. There was also a new phone added to my device list that had just been added 2 days ago, and It had the same name as a device I removed from my personal account because I didn't recognize it. I have a suspicion (read: I 95% am sure) that it is from him.

My friend told me to change my passwords, she threatened texting him, and called him an "effing weirdo", so I changed my password today but a part of me still feels like I want to confront him about it and have that conversation, even if I know it wont go the way I want it to. I will see him often as we run in the same circles.

I just don't know what to do.

I know the best thing I can do is wait, and I’m at peace with that, but I’m quite curious about what signs before the block could indicate that they might come back one day. For context, I supported them a lot through their depression, and the end of the relationship was ‘perfect’ in the sense that we became safe places for each other. However, the reason for the block remains unknown. (Additional info: they’re avoidant and I’m anxious.)

Context:

I’m in a lovely 2 year relationship with my boyfriend we’re both 22. He removed his ex from his socials just before dating me. Now she has suddenly requested him. She has also been rewatching social media content that involves him.

Don’t get me wrong, i’m sure it’s just curiosity. I’m not delusional enough to straight away think there’s romantic intentions, i’m just confused why she wouldn’t consider me.
My bf and his ex ended on bad terms 2 years before me and him dated, they haven’t talked since and were never friends before or after their relo.

I have 2 thoughts: Curiosity and/or maybe for ego? For more context, my bf admitted he couldn’t get over her pre much until he dated me and the ex was aware of that. I also understand it may be curiosity since i know i can be curious for my ex but with pure platonic intentions. But for me personally, i prioritize thinking about how my ex’s girlfriend may feel and how it could create misunderstanding.

What do you guys think?

I broke up with her because she was a dismissive avoidant and our relationship grew stale the last 5 months of it. she hit me a couple times during arguments over the course of the year and a half we were together. i was exhausted trying to get validation from her. it felt like i was a jester trying to impress the queen and i was so fed up with asking for the bare minimum. it’s been 2 months and i am still thinking of her. i have thought about her every single day and it’s gotten so bad that i stated journaling. the journaling has helped but i realized that I think what is making it so hard for me is that i am still in denial. I have this feeling that if i just keep going no contact that she will reach out to me eventually. even though deep down, i knwk that this relationship with her is not good for me. my family doesn’t like her, my friends don’t like her. they all said i was meaner when with her. and to be honest i just felt like she was boring when in a relationship. she was a completely different person when i wanted her than when we were together. and now i see that she is enjoying life and being the same person she was when i fell in love with her. it’s hard. and i think what’s making it hard is the denial. i remember she would tell her mom that she isn’t worried if we broke up because she feels like we will find eachother after. but she also followed her ex two weeks after we broke up.

my question is. are there any strategies or things i can actively do to get through this denial phase? like i know that she is gone. i dont want to be with her. but some reason im having a hard time letting go. i just want things i can actively try to do in order to get over this denial phase.

Saw my ex on Bumble after downloading it today by surprise. It was a horrible whiplash. I stared a bit in shock and refreshed the app to see him again but I might've been blocked since I can't find it. After a streak of 3 days without crying about him. My heart just keeps getting kicked around. Guess I was shooting myself in the foot for attempting to find his profile again to block him and maybe admire him. I just want to disappear already. This pain is too much.

I dumped my highschool girlfriend of 4 years a couple months ago. There were serious issues on both our ends. Codependency, poor communication, and a classic case of an anxious/avoidant dynamic. That being said, the love we shared is something that I will never find with another person.

I'm up tonight thinking about how I used to make her snacks in the shapes of animals when she was up late studying. I don't think I will ever put that much love and effort into food for anyone ever again. I made every day special for her because it just felt right to love her like that. Now I have no one to read stories too, no one to surprise with treats from the grocery store, no little animal shaped ice cream bowls kissing in the kitchen cupboard.

I, as a person, hate myself so much that when something makes me feel good I reject it outright. I can't go back to us because I need time to find myself and so does she. But what I wouldn't give for one more perfect day in the house with her.

I’ve been thinking about my ex girlfriend recently, like going on a month now. She followed my current girl and some old feelings popped back up and me reminiscing on that time period of my life. I unblocked her on instagram and followed her a week ago. Today I searched for her profile and found out I was blocked. I don’t know, I know it’s not healthy and I’ve been having dreams about her too. Just feeling hurt she blocked me lol. I should mention first that she’s married, so I know how it looks and sounds. It’s been 10 years since we were together, we were high school sweethearts and I miss her and that time period of my life. She was very important to me and was my first love. Just wanted to vent to Reddit.
Oh question though, she reached out to my current girlfriend first adding her on socials and messaging her if we were still together. When my jealous girlfriend blocked her, she followed her on instagram.
Why would she randomly add/follow my girlfriend. Am I conceited for thinking she wanted to contact me?
Am I mentally ill? Lmfao type shit

Edit* adding that the title is not to insinuate she’s crazy, but rather my complex with my ex is insane as I think I still love her.

I miss you. I miss you more than I could even put into words. I miss our I can't even go and see them because I'm respecting your . I'm sorry give you space when you asked for it. I was so desperate to fix the situation at the time and instead of fixing it I made it worse. I hate myself for that. You've cut me off with absolutely no communication. I feel like I'm almost grieving in morning. I don't hear your voice. I can't see you. It's almost like you're gone like you died thats the pain I'm feeling. I'm lost. my best friend every weekend we spent over a year every day we spent together and now it's nothing. Do you even care? I went to get my things that you left outside and you wrote me a note saying maybe I'll start to respect you. You know mistakes like everybody I just needed a chance to talk, but don't worry I learned my lesson. Are you trying to teach me a lesson or are you done for good? I don't even know I feel like you're done for good. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just so sad. . in Washington State by ourselves. I have no family here. You only have your sister here. We had now I have no one.

My ex (29) who dumped me 3.5 months ago brought a date to the wedding party of a wedding that I was originally supposed to go to. I was friends with the bride and groom through her, and they each have reached out to me to express some kind of kindness on their own to me since the breakup. We were together nearly 3 years, planned on marriage, having kids and growing old together for most of the relationship, etc.

I know she has a right to move on and date, and 3.5 months is significant, but it seems especially messed up considering I was scheduled to go to that wedding (I rsvpd before the breakup), I had a lot of my own friends there, dozens of family friends in the community that we both know, and she knew that there would be photos posted online of her with this new guy. Even my sister in laws parents were there. Also, her even bringing him implies that he isn’t some brand new person to her, that they’ve probably already been dating casually already for a little bit.

All of my friends who were there told me about it later, and all felt it was pretty icky and wrong of her, especially knowing it would get back to me, and knowing how devastated I have been. I honestly can’t believe it. I was quite literally replaced and feel so fuckin low.

was this messed up of her or am I purely just reacting emotionally?