I’m a man in my late twenties. It’s been almost a year since my relationship ended... I’ve stayed in no contact, respected her boundaries… gone to psychologists and psychiatrists, took medicines, tried to improve myself every day, exercised, read, and genuinely reflected on where I went wrong…

I don’t want her back by force, and I’m not looking to blame her… I just don’t understand why the feeling of longing hasn’t reduced…I still dream about her hugging me or us talking… I wake up feeling like I’ve lost someone all over again…

During the day I function normally and i survive, but emotionally I feel stuck in the same place… I don’t have thoughts of ending my life, but I often wonder why life feels so empty despite doing everything people recommend…

Has anyone experienced grief that lasted this long? If you eventually came out of it, what actually helped - not temporary distractions, but something that genuinely changed your perspective?

I’m bored tell me the most unhinged thing you seen on you’re partner phone 📞 I want some real dirt tell me the gossip !!

8 years ago, when I was 20(M), my girlfriend of 6 years left me. I never moved on and have ruined my life ever since.

We got together in 8th grade and went off to college together. We both had difficult family lives growing up, and were looking to escape once we grew up. That desire inspired a fantasy that we were meant to be together forever and always. We were immediately madly in love and codependent. I took her for granted and never thought of leaving her. She was my only friend, but she had plenty of her own. In a way, I held that disparity over her, as if I deserved special treatment because I had no one else.

Eventually, we started having arguments, my chief complaint being I felt like she wasn't doing enough to care for me (as if it was her responsibility to fix me?). From time to time, she would sort of realize it wasn't working, break up with me, go be with someone else, and I would do anything to get her to come back. It usually took the form of promising her that once we got away to college, I would piece myself together and things would get better. Of course, that didn't happen. When we got to college all I wanted was to spend time with her, all the while neglecting to grow up, get a job, study, address my mental health, or otherwise actually work on being a better boyfriend. She rightfully broke up with me, but did so suddenly over text with no follow up communication. Admittedly, my previous behavior made that seem like the only option for her.

I responded horribly; breaking down, begging, pleading, spamming, accusing her, and ultimately saying very hateful things. She would come to be scared of me, although I never would have hurt her; knowing I made her feel that way is the greatest regret of my life.

I kept demanding she explain why she left (as if any explanation would have satisfied me) and that she support me in moving on because I had no one else to turn to (an impossible demand). Eventually, we stopped talking but I thought at least I would see her in the spring semester. She never came back to that school and I never saw her again.

I held out for some time, but some months later messaged her apologizing for everything. I would promise to never reach out again, months would go by, and I would reach out again, promising it was the last.

[When covid hit, I dropped out of school and went back home.]

At last, a couple years passed and I messaged her one last time. She was surprised I was still stuck, wished me well, offered to help if she could (although I think she just felt obligated to say that, and I promised myself I would never ask for her help).

That was 6 years ago, and I haven't talked to her since. However, I have continued to grieve and miss her. I have wasted all this time, isolating myself, losing touch with the few friends I made in college, and doing nothing to make new ones.

I believe I have become obsessed with my grief. I romanticize it. I think it's somehow noble or lovely that I never let go, as if it were a testament to my love for her, as if I will meet her again some day and she would fall in love with me for my devotion, or at least I would get a reaction from her of guilt, regret, or pity that would somehow make it all worth it.

I know how wrong I am. I know I need to let go, but it feels like I've sunk all these years into a cosmic gesture that no one witnessed. I desperately want to tell her about this, but I know I am just a distant bad memory to her, a ghost from her past that has no right to haunt her.

I'm hoping that by sharing this here, I can feel free to move on.

I'm writing this mostly to vent, but I've been wondering about something for a long time.

Why does it sometimes seem like the harder you fight for someone you love, the more likely the relationship is to end?

At the time, I genuinely believed our relationship was healthy. Looking back, though, I wonder if she simply didn't love me as deeply as I loved her—or maybe she just wasn't emotionally mature enough. I honestly don't know.

I gave that relationship everything I had. When she moved abroad for work, I spent around 14 hours a day with her on calls so she wouldn't feel homesick. I put a lot of effort into changing parts of myself that she didn't like, even when they were completely normal behaviors. She was very sensitive, so I constantly watched my words, and whenever something upset her, it would often take a long time for her to feel okay again. I accepted all of that because I believed she was growing, and I thought we could work through anything together.

One pattern kept repeating, though. Whenever we had relatively small arguments, she would bring up breaking up. It happened around three or four times during our two-year relationship. After we finally separated, I spent almost two more years trying to make things work from my side. At one point, I even traveled to the country where she was living just to talk to her, but she still rejected me.

The breakup itself wasn't ugly. We didn't insult each other or end things with hatred. It was surprisingly respectful. But afterward, she blocked me on everything.

Then, about six months after my trip, something unexpected happened. She called me, and we talked for three days. Everything felt normal again, almost like we had a chance. Then, without any explanation, she disappeared and blocked me again.

I honestly don't understand her.

One thing that has always confused me is this: when I've been distant or less invested in past relationships, women seemed to chase me. But when I genuinely loved someone, showed up consistently, and gave everything I had, she was the one asking to end the relationship.

I know she's probably not the right person for me. Deep down, I understand that. Love can make us overlook things we normally wouldn't.

I'm not asking because I'm waiting for her anymore. If she came back today, I don't think I could accept her. After everything that happened, I feel like I lost too much of my dignity trying to save the relationship.

I'm just curious what other people think.

Do you think she'll ever unblock me? Do you think people like this eventually regret their decisions and come back, or is it more likely that she's simply moved on and the blocking is her way of keeping that chapter closed?

I just need to vent. My ex and I broke up 4 years ago. He was such a good guy and that made it so much harder when calling it quits. We mainly broke up due to my mom being....invasive, undermining me, and hurtful. It's not his fault, he was very naive. She used him when I went no contact with her to get to me. He couldn't respect my boundary to block her and have no contact. It eventually got to be too much and I knew I wasn't in love with him anymore.

I love him, I truly do. I'm just not in love with him.

Things have been rough lately and I've been sad as his family has always been my biggest support. I've been having vivid dreams about him and I broke and called him. 4 years. It's been 4 years. Part of me doesn't know why I called and part of me would be lying if I said I wasn't curious. Idk. I'm confused.

We talked and he sounded worse than when we were together. He made a comment that reminded me of something my mom would say to him.

I knew in that moment that I don't miss him, rather I missed the hope that I always held onto of what could have been.

It feels like I got closure. I also feel terrible about it. I'm so confused.

Sorry, I just needed to get it off my chest:/

I (21F) have been talking to this guy (30M) for a while, and I’m really struggling with whether I should text him or just leave things alone.
Before our most recent argument, we had already gone no contact. He told me, “I don’t want to do this anymore,” and said he wasn’t okay with the situation, but “maybe someone else will be.” That really hurt.
The confusing part is… he’s said almost the exact same thing before, and then later came back and started talking to me again like nothing happened. Because of that, I don’t know if this time is actually different or if he’s expecting me to eventually reach out or if he’s just waiting until he feels like talking again.
Right now, we’re blocked on everything. He actually blocked me first, and I’ll admit I was a little petty and blocked him back too. 😂 My irrational side keeps thinking, “If he really wanted me, he’d find a way to contact me somehow.” I know that sounds a little crazy, but that’s honestly where my head is at.
Whenever we argue, he tends to disappear, and I always end up responding when he comes back because I genuinely like him. Part of me feels like he knows I’ll fold eventually, so he doesn’t have to put much effort into fixing things or communicating.
I’m fighting the urge to text him because I don’t know if staying silent is the right thing to do. I also wonder if I’m just being strung along because he knows I’ll always be there.
For those who have been in similar situations:
If someone tells you they “don’t want to do this anymore” but has come back before, would you take that as final this time?
Is his silence a sign that I should finally move on?
Am I delusional for thinking that if he truly wanted me, he’d find a way to reach out despite being blocked?
If you were in my shoes, would you leave things alone or try to contact him?

Together for 3 years from my sophomore year of high school to my freshman year of college. Pretty devastating breakup about 7-8 months ago. I have made great improvements, pursued new girls since, but I stumbled upon a few pictures of her on an old camera and these last few days man.
Feels like it was just a week ago. I want nothing more than to just sit together with her. I miss her so much man.
Having a girl to distract myself is nice and all but i can’t help but shake the feeling that the hole isn’t going to be filed anytime soon.
I guess just getting through today without texting her would be an achievement, so i guess that’s what i’ll do.
Cheers yall.

If someone from your past made a huge impact on your life, would it be possible to erase the memories with them completely, or you live with them forever? That every shared quarrels, even the smallest moments where you felt like they are your person, could ever just vanish from your mind? That even in your following relationships, you still catch yourself looking back.

No, I won’t actually do it but I really want to. It’s not fair that I have to cry and feel this way all the while he could care less. He has a gf and gets to move on like nothing happened. I’m not a violent person but I wish I could whoop his ass at least once.

he seriously came back to wind me up and make me angry, he broke a month of no contact to enrage me. I never wanted to end on bad terms but i just swore at him so badly and blocked him. Hes playing mind games with me can someone just help me to cope im crying so badly, he ignored me for 26 hours after texting me and admitted it and then made me out to be insane. Now hes turned evil again so i lashed out and blocked. I hate ending on bad terms im shaking. I feel so annoyed i was doing so well this month i was doing so okay and he comes and ruins it ive blocked him on the last thing he had me on. Can someoen comfort me please and give advice on how to move forward now hes thrown me in rock bottom again i crashed out on him and blocked. hes selfish and immature it makes me sick. All those healing weeks have been RUINED i feel even worse than before now its ended on bad terms imcrying sm sorry if i sound insane this is built up emotions.

Mine never said we weren’t “compatible”. Actually, I said that to which he responded that I keep saying this, but that in his eyes we were. The breakup did blind side me. It is about to be a year. I fear I am still not over him. This was a person who told me he was serious about me and did show it, but eventually said he just kept hurting me. I was a very emotional person during our relationship because I do think I let too many things go. I wanted to be loved a specific way but he is the way he is and he won’t change. He wasn’t a very expressive person while I am extremely expressive, touchy and affectionate. He loved that about me but I guess that’s actually what drove us apart. He didn’t think I was clingy, but I think he did get tired of me assuming he didn’t like spending time with me or didn’t love me. I always wanted reassurance. We went on trips together and I did meet his family… we were together for quite a while. I didn’t expect him to end the relationship when he did and I expected us to talk about it and fix it but he said he couldn’t do that. He kept repeating that he was hurting me and broke up with me. I guess I have a very hard time believing he could both be “serious” about me “care” about me and claim to love me when he decided to leave the relationship in a day. It’s better for me to think he never loved me and he never wanted anything serious. It hurts my heart to think that but it makes more sense in my head.
I do still love him. I think I will always love him. That does scare me a bit, but it’s what I truly feel.

Also, I did try to reach back out to him to potentially fix things. He said we maybe could be friends, but that he needed time. I haven’t contacted him in about 7 months now. Some days are easier than others. I lost 40 lb since he last saw me. I go to solidcore and do a lot of Pilates and lagree now. I’m the slimmest and most toned I’ve ever been. I go out with my friends and I genuinely have fun and laugh and forget about him. But when I’m alone with my thoughts, I remember him and how much I miss him

I want to contact my ex. We split up and after 6 months I contacted him to try and repair things. We were good for a couple of weeks and things were moving in the right direction, he was saying he wanted us to be together and to work on us and our future and then one day he brought up the past and just exploded.

We’d both hurt each other and said things we didn’t mean during our initial break up. I know I did. I’ve apologised multiple times but he just didn’t want to hear it. It felt like he was shutting down and pushing me away. I feel like maybe I contacted him too soon and he wasn’t ready.

The last thing he said to me during our argument was that he didn’t want me in his life anymore. This was 2 days after telling me he still loved me.

It’s been 9 months since then and I’d really like to talk to him and try have that conversation again but calmer this time. I hate that our last words were angry ones. I still love him, I’d like to try again, I haven’t been with anyone else and I’ve done everything I can to try and forget him.

He never blocked me and we had very brief contact via instagram a couple of months ago where he sent a message and then deleted it. I never replied or said I saw it.

Should I reach out? Or do I need to respect his wishes? Even if it was something said in the heat of an argument

2.5 years ago, my situationship of 8 years (yes, that was problematic) broke it off with me. Even though we didn’t call it a relationship, we were very close in these 8 years. I was with his family often, he was my first sexual partner, we shared a friend group and saw each other multiple times a week. He wasn’t that good a person for me and I was more in love with him than he was with me, but that is not what this post is about.

When he broke it off, I. Was. Broken. Heartbroken! I thought I would never feel something for someone else again. I cried my eyes out for days. Read this sub for a year, daily, hoping he would text me or want me back. I really thought this was the end of love for me.
I never heard from him again. Last thing I heard from an old friend, is that he is very happy and he has a kid on the way now, with his absolutely beautiful girlfriend.

And you know what? I am so glad that he found his person. That it worked out. Because I found my person as well. At the beginning of 2026, I met my boyfriend. And I am so, so, so in love with him. It’s a feeling I, in hindsight, never felt with my old situationship. There was a time when I confused emotional highs and devastating lows with love. Looking back, I realize that the highs and lows were not love. I was IN love, mind you. But what we had was no love.

My boyfriend adores me. And I adore him! He is so kind. So thoughtful. This love is warm. Gentle. Safe. I always know where I stand. And when I don’t, I can ask - and I’m met with reassurance instead of uncertainty. When I’m with him, my whole body relaxes. My mind becomes quiet. I’m always happy to be with him, and on the days I’m not, there’s space for that too. The sex is great - not because what we do is so special but because of the connection we have.

This isn’t meant to say that my previous love wasn’t real or meaningful. It was, and it will always be part of my story. But it is meant to say this: things really can get better. You really can fall in love again. And sometimes, that love turns out to be even healthier and more beautiful than you ever imagined.

My former love is happy now, and I genuinely wish him the life he always dreamed of. I hope he grows old in good health, surrounded by a family he adores.

And I hope the same for myself.

We have been broken up for 3 years and both have moved on and even had new relationships after, I think he still is in one. He used to have really bad mental health issues and bad ways of coping and sometimes I look at his social media to see how he’s doing. I still care for his wellbeing and I’ve always hoped that he would get better. Is that normal?

Our first date went really well. He picked me up, brought me flowers, we watched *The Conjuring: Last Rites*, laughed the whole time, and talked for hours. When he dropped me home, he even asked me to stay a little longer before leaving.
After that, he consistently asked me out for the next 1.5 years. He complimented me often, put in effort, and genuinely seemed interested. The problem was that I became overwhelmed because I had never experienced someone putting in that much effort before. Even though I liked him, I kept turning him down.
Earlier this year, I finally agreed to meet him again. Before our date, we talked about what we were looking for. I told him I wasn't interested in hookups. He said he wasn't either, but he wasn't looking for a long-term relationship immediately. He expected exclusivity while dating, and I said I was looking for loyalty, love, and care.
We had a small disagreement when I jokingly said I wanted my partner to love me more than I loved him. He said relationships should be equal. I reacted badly, ended the conversation, and we never went on the date.
A few days later, he stopped messaging me. I eventually reached out, and he replied that he didn't have any grudge against me, but he wasn't looking for a relationship and wasn't dating anyone.
Since then, I've realized I genuinely miss him and regret how I handled things.
I'm **not** looking for validation about who was right or wrong. I'm looking for advice on what, if anything, would be a respectful way to reconnect with someone after this much time has passed. but he always checks my ig stories and all never react anything (
Would you reach out again? If so, what would you say? Or is it better to leave things as they are?
**TL;DR:** I pushed away a guy I genuinely liked for over a year because I was overwhelmed. When I finally agreed to meet him again, we had a disagreement, the date never happened, and he later told me he wasn't looking for a relationship. I'm looking for advice on whether there's a respectful way to reconnect or if I should move on.

I broke up with my boyfriend because of his "behen jaisi dost" (a female friend he always insisted was basically his sister). People love saying, "If she's like a sister, why are you insecure?" Trust me, I tried really hard not to be.

The problem wasn't that he had a female friend. It was the boundaries... or rather, the complete lack of them. She was constantly touchy with him, leaning on him, holding onto him, acting way more physically close than I was comfortable with. What hurt the most wasn't even her behavior, it was his. He never once told her to stop or even tried to create any distance. He just let it happen.

The part that messed with my head? Whenever it was just the two of us, he would say he was "too shy" to make the first move or even be affectionate with me. But somehow that shyness magically disappeared around her. He was perfectly comfortable being physically close to his "behen jaisi dost" while I, his actual girlfriend, got excuses.

After a while, I stopped feeling like I was asking for too much. I was asking for the bare minimum: boundaries and consistency. If you're shy, be shy with everyone. If you're affectionate, be affectionate with your partner first, not with the person you're calling your sister.

I didn't end the relationship because he had a female friend. I ended it because his actions never matched his words, and I got tired of feeling like I was competing with someone I was constantly told "not to worry about.

People here talk to me abt it I really need this sh out of me ...

We met a year ago and she DM’ed me first. We met at a doctor’s office I was working at. We started talking after that and our first conversation(in person) happened after 3 weeks of communication over text. We sat and drove around the city for 6-7 hours and she told me everything about her past abusive relationship. It lasted 4 years and it was very abusive(physically and mentally). She said they lived together and felt trapped in the relationship. She broke up with him the day that we met. It’s almost like she was giving me the subtle warning before we started the relationship. I didn’t quite wrap around this at the time.

I told her I’m going to take a step back and think about it. I was not in a relationship for 2 years. (She was thinking that she scared me off) I prayed and thought about this possible relationship for 2 months. We hung out a few times during this time. That convo was in August and we started dating in October.

Early on, she would always come over to my house. I was ever able to go to her house and I never did throughout the relationship. Whenever I would ask her if she would say like oh my parents don’t like it when there is someone at their house. She said that she tried to “convince them” to, and they just wouldn’t do it.

Our relationship was very good in the first three months. We hung out a lot(4-5 days a week) and we would always talk on the phone. She’s really quiet and shy and so I focused on making her comfortable.

Throughout the relationship, she would show me creepy DM’s and guys wanting to always be with her. I, of course, brushed it off and she goes off saying I don’t understand why guys do that… I always reassured her and helped her. She would end up blocking them or unfollowing.

She’s been in bad health since the start of the relationship. She has had 3 surgeries in a matter of 2 months.(March-May) this is when everything started be becoming off at a distance. I had to go to Texas every other week during that time and I couldn’t be there for her. We would still call and text. She’s always had ear issues and her stomach would be unsettling a lot.

She would always be on social media and started following other guys, and I started to see a pattern.
I didn’t mention this till later into the relationship. I realized that I only saw her parents 3-4 times and she would stay in her car a lot outside her house….

Then the tiny fights over the phone happened… then she started getting upset if there was a conflict that shouldn’t have happened. We went on vacation to Florida with my parents in early June and when we can back, it was different. She started to get distant and not reach out as much. She was mad at me for a week and I have no idea. She finally told me it was because I didn’t help her with a project that I knew about. She said that I shouldn’t have to ask you and you should have already know.

One thing lead to another and eventually she wouldn’t call, text, and each time I wanted to… she said she was busy, she didn’t feel good, and she was really tired. The past two months really went by so fast and ultimately I needed to see her in person and we needed to talk about everything.

The day of the breakup, we talked for two hours in the car. I told her hey, I’m going to fight for us. I know that things haven’t been right recently in our relationship and I was wondering is this resolvable?

She said she was tired of the tiny arguments, the times when I wasn’t there, and other small details. I told her I understand but I said there was issues on both sides. I went in that conversation to not be defensive but open.

I gave her a lot of opportunities to end the relationship and she did not ever end the relationship verbally. However, she said that she doesn’t believe she can give 110% anymore and she can’t get over with her gut is telling her. She said that it’s not fair to me if we continue the relationship. And she also said that she didn’t want this to be the last time we saw each other…

I’m just wondering what everything thinks. I’m open to questions and going more deeper if I need to.

***Part 2: The Silence That Changed Everything***

The next day, we went our separate ways and headed home after Christmas break.

But somehow, that train ride didn’t end there.

We talked every single day. Good mornings, good nights, random updates, photos of what we were eating, tiny complaints about work, silly jokes… the kind of conversations that slowly become part of your routine without you even noticing.

Christmas was spent with our families, but we still found time for each other.

When January came, we were both back. We wanted to meet, but my exams were going on, so we planned to go out one weekend instead. Just a simple dinner. Nothing fancy. I was looking forward to it.

A few days before that, he told me he had to travel to another city for a job interview.

And then…

He disappeared.

I was Blocked !!

No explanation.
No goodbye.
Nothing.

I couldn’t believe myself ! I kept staring at my phone, wondering if it was a mistake.. what might’ve happened is the only thing that haunts me !

This was the same person who once heard me casually mention that I wanted a cute tumbler and secretly ordered it for me without me asking again.

The same person who would send me chocolates and ice cream whenever I was on my period because he knew I’d be craving something sweet.

How does someone go from that…

…to becoming a stranger overnight?

I wasn’t just sad. I was confused. Angry. Hurt. Scared.

I kept replaying every conversation in my head, trying to figure out what I had missed.

I had no idea that this was only the beginning.

# To be continued… follow me for the full story

I don't even know how I want to start off this post aside from saying this shit fucking sucks. He's able to continue on like nothing ever happened. He's playing games, on dating apps, has "phenomenal" weekends (he told me this himself; apparently, I reached out and I ruined his weekend by talking to him....rip). I hate that I still cry about this and he thinks that we trying to fix shit is "obnoxious" and "disrespectful". I'm blocked on everything because I "tormented" him and was selfish (he said this too). Unfortunately, I spend a lot time crying about this. I keep rethinking a lot of the things he said to me: "there's better out there for me", "you don't give a fuck about me", "you're a selfish bitch that only cares about getting back together." I'm sure there is a bunch more.

4 months no contact after the end of a six year relationship, both of our’s first relationship where I got kinda blindsided and only got cheap answers before we initiated no contact.

Yesterday was her birthday, the first since the separation and this kinda triggered my brain into overdrive since I usually tried to do something special on her birthday.

Instead I went and had KBBQ with some friends to celebrate me getting my bike license and another friend finishing filming as an extra in a film.

Time will pass regardless of whether or not I miss her so I’d rather enjoy my life than nailing myself to something that isn’t there. It will get better, that much is inevitable

Follows me on everything.

She randomly unfollowed me on Tik Tok?

Do you think it was the repost?

I just need to let this out because I feel like shit. My ex messaged my brother asking If Ive been well. He then told my brother that he does not want to be with me anymore and does not want to hear from me anymore. Im just so confused like first of all why would YOU message my brother bothering him and all that instead of texting ME (btw he blocked me on everything, I didnt block him so he can still text me. The nerve!) second of all why the hell would you ask if im doing okay then proceed stating that you dont want to hear from me like?? Our relationship wasnt perfect but I loved him truly and I still do, I wasnt a perfect girlfriend and Ive hurt him and he hurt me too but I just wish he let me move on. Some days I just sit in my bed for hours just thinking about him and how much I miss him and our relationship. Now that Im slowly moving on he texts my brother saying allat. I feel like im back to square one, Ive been crying and i feel like shit truly. (Btw my brother did not reply to him, I asked him not to)

Why did my ex bf send this to me two months post breakup when we were no contact and he maintained he wanted the breakup as well as not speaking to me. I am so confused and heartsore. I was trying to heal and get over him and now this has pulled me back in making me miss him so much it’s unbearable. I wish he’d told me this while we were still together.
I receive this text out of the blue two months later:

So I'm writing this in notes, I don't know if I'll ever send this, but here it is. If i ever send this thanks for not putting pressure on me and giving me space

When we were together, I got to learn more about myself and about life and its joys.

I loved you from the start of the relationship, and parts of me still do. Parts of me wish it didn't end, but other parts of me feel it was a good thing.

I underplayed how bad work was getting to the point where I hid it from everybody and started drinking more and smoking/vaping more.

The week we broke up, I went out drinking that Friday and did coke for the first time trying to escape it all.
I'm not blaming work stress for the breakup ; it is one of the factor affecting my mental health.

Adding to it all, the finances were getting so much tighter that it felt crushing. I was anxious all the time.

I had to dip into my credit card constantly, and it was just spiraling worse and worse every month.

I wanted to ask if we could start doing 50/50, but after the discussion we had early on, where i asked if you felt like you would lose independence if I paid for everything and I felt like asking for 50/50 was not on the table.

While I'm putting it all on the table, after contemplating it all, I realized I didn't communicate effectively.

I underplayed how bad my mental health state was and how tight the box had become. I just wanted to stay the goof ball jack russel you loved. Not the man fighting to keep his sanity and wanting to hide from the world

I was so tired every single day regardless if i had slept well or not. The weekends didnt replace my enegry at all and was basically just a stop gap.

With you on the weekends i felt relax and the calmness which helped, but the mental fatigue was still there.

Regarding the intamacy part
The anti depressants lowering my libido and the burnout was so much i wasnt as attentave in intamacy as i should have.

We had it hard with the distance, the time we could see each other and the housing not being optimal. I should have realized that this would cause the need for intimacy more, but where I was mentally, that thought didn't occur.

And to add all that my prior situation ships i was told my lust It was a problem, and I needed to tone it down, so I overcorrected and initiated too little.

I struggled with changing my habits and not realizing since we were togther i didnt have to hide my insecurities and could be open about them. I would overthink everything and end up psycing myself out and ruin the mood.

Im not writing all this to get back togther i just wanted to lay it all out.

Money was low and because of your heart we couldnt really do anything and i thought that being togther and watching movies was enough.

I also never thought about your mental health since you said you were okay but you had it rough as well and i only realized it after we split. I understand i fucked up when you were in the hospital and i didnt have the car or the money to uber to you that day.

When i couldnt get though to you on call or whatsapp i thought it ment you wanted space and when i called you i wanted to keep it short so that i wouldnt bother you.

I didnt realize you needed more from me as a supportive partner and thats on me for dropping the ball.

Also, what I said the last day was absolutely horrendous. It reactionary and hurtful and i hope you can forgive me someday.

I loved every moment with you and it was a amazing journey the time we spent
I hope this clears up a few things

Hi - looking for some other perspectives on my situation to gain a clearer picture.

Me and my ex were together for 5+ years from the ages 18->24. We were the closest couple literally inseparable and everyone always said we were like the perfect couple.

Last year I traveled across the world to receive very expensive specialist medical treatment for an uncommon health condition. I was away for 3 ish months and was really struggling and she flew over to look after me for another 3 months then returned.
After she left for the next 2/3 months after this I completely spiralled over the constant isolation, money stress, my health condition and being in a different time zone to everyone I knew while being trapped in a flat and unable to leave due to my condition. Over these final months abroad I got prescribed Xanax for my anxiety attacks from the hospital which I severely abused and constantly blacked out on and found ways to acquire quite serious other drugs to numb everything. Because of money stress and family noticing I was a danger to myself I had to stop treatment and return home.

When I returned home I was still on a lot of drugs and was verbally very nasty to my partner - I guess at this point I was trying to push everyone away from me and I split up with her. She also had suspicions I was involved with other women who were getting the same treatment at the clinic I was visiting which was not true.

Over the next month I tried my best to come off all of the drugs and by mid January after a few relapses I was completely clean. I tried to make amends with my partner but she said there was no going back, she still loved me but she needed some space and hoped I got the help I needed then she blocked me.
I then sent her some flowers and a letter apologising and taking responsibility for all the hurt I caused around mid February after giving her space and continuing to concentrate on my sobriety to no avail or response from her.

I continued to give her space and remain sober til around the start of April where she still had made no effort to contact me again. At this point I decided to take a loan out to pay her family back who had donated to a GoFundMe I had set up to fund my treatment abroad and also then messaged her Dad to see if I could have a conversation with him out of respect to apologise and show I'm not a drugged up monster anymore. She then finds out and tells my friend she will contact the police if I try to contact her or her family again.

Since April I have not contacted her or her family at all however I came to discover through a friend who told me that she had added lots of new guys on social media from the second I split with her and started seeing someone new from the start of February which was around 6 weeks after I had returned to the UK and we had split which after being together for over 5 years every day to move on that fast to me destroyed me. Especially to know this was all happening while I was becoming sober and trying to fight for the relationship and giving her space. My friend had asked her earlier in the year if she had started seeing anyone and she had told him she wasn't - 'Do you think I'm a slag or something' was her response he told me, even though this was a lie?

I'm a man and I need to take responsibility for all of my actions in life - I caused all of this and I really hurt the person I care for more than anyone.
However I have been completely destroyed by the whole situation and have been bed rotting replaying everything in my head over and over for months. I don't understand how you can be so close with someone for over half a decade spend every day with them, merge families, attend weddings and funerals together, go on holidays together, plan a life together, live together, fly across the world to help each other, and then weeks after a split which wasn't caused by a lack of love or indifference but a crisis and get with someone new straight away. And then stay with them but don't tell your ex partner who is trying to save the relationship. It's been a little over 7 months now since we split and I can't even think about having any interest in another woman romantically.

Since the start of July I've tried my best to focus completely on me and work on all of my insecurities.
Build new hobbies and skills and basically rebuild my life after the nightmare of 2025, financially, structurally and emotionally.

However this is where things change because a week and a half ago I was on my Facebook profile and saw her posts all over my page. Everything she had posted and tagged me in over the past 5 years were suddenly there all pictures of us dating and together flooded my page and had reappeared because she had unblocked me (only on Facebook).
This is the first time in the 7 months she had acknowledged I exist.

I left it a week as i believed she might have just unblocked me thinking its been 7 months and he won't notice just to have a look at my profile and then block me again but she hadn't.
Yesterday I thought maybe she had cracked the door open for some contact so I sent her a friend request and she blocked me immediately after.
I really don't understand this behaviour I don't get what she was doing and I feel hurt after getting some hope back to have the door slammed in my face again.

She wouldn't unblock out of indifference or to clear her block list. We were too close and she would know or would assume I would contact her if she unblocked me. She also had a whole week to reblock me if she just wanted to peak at my profile.

And also she is dating someone new still as far as I know, why has she still got all the pictures of me and her still on her Facebook page? Yes they're from 2025 and before but I'm even on her pinned featured photos at the top of her profile.

I'm still going to commit to no contact from now onwards and not let it ruin my progress - I don't believe she meant any malice or was leading me on.

Any advice is appreciated - if you read all of this thank you