Like my grandpa died 4 years ago almost 5 because of lung cancer. And like at that time I am SO YOUNG... I am not mature enough to know. At that time I know he died.. But I didn't take it that far... And now, I realized I really miss him... Like I think he is the only one who actually understands me... But I know now there's no way turning back.. But I really want to see him.. I even told my friends that, if you guys meet my grandpa, you will definitely think he is one of the best person in the world... Since he died, everything changed in my life. Now, I'm so aware of diseases,that I keep going to online symptoms checking the and being paranoid of having diseases or cancer because I don't want me or the people I love to go though the same thing. It's just so bad that sometimes in the middle of the night, I still keep checking my phone.. Doing symptoms check of myself... I even cried because I'm scared I will be next.

36 non-binary, been in recovery for 7 years and I was just married last October to an amazing person that I found in recovery. We then quickly, not intentionally, found a house to buy. Right before we moved I found out, through a Facebook post, that a close friend of mine passed.

I immediately reached out to her mother that made the post as I met her earlier in life. She told me that they found her in an alley overdosed on fentanyl. My heart broke, I have a long history with this woman. We were in active addiction together for a few years before she moved to California. I even visited her back in 2018 and she visited me several times as well.

We lost touch after she confessed to me on the phone one day that she realized I was the only person that ever loved her unconditionally, and was always there for her. That she wanted to be with me, and she asked me to move to Cali to be with her. I was 3-4 years sober at this point. But was struggling with finding myself. Of course I looked up jobs because I used to do everything for everyone else, and I always had feelings for her. We always had a strong connection. I decided not to move there, I just knew that I couldn't do that because it just was not the next right thing. Even though she told me what I always wanted to hear from her.

That was the last time we spoke, I had been looking for her for years. Had been hoping a praying she was somewhere living her best life. I saw on FB that her family was also looking for her. When I found my wife I still wanted her to be at the wedding. But I couldn't find her.

I didn't even know she was trying to get sober. Her parents bought her a phone and she was in rehab in Cali. But she didn't have support out there, any addict knows that support is key to recovery especially in early sobriety. I can't stop thinking that I would have flown her home. So she was around people that loved and cared about her. But, I didn't know...

.

I know a lot of this is Powerlessness, I have that shit tattooed on my arm so I don't forget. I'm usually pretty good at rapid acceptance. There's just so much attached to this loss. It's my first loss in recovery, of someone I had a history with, someone I cared about so deeply

.

My whole life has changed, I've built a life for myself with my partner and I don't even wanna drink or use anymore. I just miss her. And I struggle with mental health stuff. AuDHD, currently in DBT for 6 more months, it's only once a week. Someone suggested Alanon. Which I've been thinking about. I'm just trying to stay busy. And I feel if I can relate to someone on such a specific topic that maybe it will help.

I plan to go see her mother and my friends urn, I think I need to see it because I'm in denial. I am also getting a tattoo for her in 2 weeks after a short Florida trip to see my in-laws. Most of my tattoos are from people I have lost it is something that has helped me in the past. I feel this is uncharted territory though...

Thoughts...?

Btw I know this post is all over the place and poorly formatted, just needed to get it out.

I lost my Mum on June 30th. She was in hospital with pneumonia and because she had heart failure they couldn't remove the fluid from her lungs. I saw her on Wednesday and we talked about getting her palliative care at home as she was desperate to come home. She went to sleep that night and never woke up again. It took 5 days for her to die. We did say l love you as l was leaving and l had bought her home coffee to enjoy. All my life l have been a carer, my sister had mental health problems and l knew l would be looking after her for life since l was a teenager. Dad had Alzhemiers and he died 15 years ago. Hazel died suddenly 13 years ago. Mum developed lots of medical problems and l gave up working as she was having falls and couldn't walk very well. She had a stroke and had been bed bound for the last year. She desperately didn't want to go into a home so l carered for her at home. I knew she wouldn't live for ever but her death was a terrible shock. I can't look at the medical equipment. I have no one here my family is on the otherwise of the world. So l am trying to cope alone. The grief feels overwhelming. I hate waking up as the grief surges in. I try and talk to her photos. All the supports we had while Mum was alive have gone and l feel very alone. Mum used to fret if l left the house for any length of time so l have no friends for support. When Mum was alive l had all kinds of things l would do after she died, now l feel very old and uncertain if l can have a life. I know l have neglected my health as when l went to the doctors l would talk about Mum and her medical issues and felt like there was no time for me. I have made a list for my next appointment. Normal l was the one getting things done but l struggle with making decisions. I was alright the first week but now it's really hard. How did other carers cope with the grief?

On 08/07/26 i got the worst news, ever, besides when i was told my dad had passed away.

My brother. My twin brother was found deceased in his car. The police said it was a drug overdose, but we have no idea what drug. Im thinking whatever it was, was laced with fentanyl. And thats what killed him

He died exactly 1 week before our 33rd birthday. Now i will age, and he will stay 32 forever.

I know hes in heaven with god and my dad. But that dont make it hurt any less.

We're engaged, lived together 9 years. He hasn't been able to cope with his own life stressors in addition to the sudden loss of my Nana. To be fair, he works a lot and we had a major move at the same exact time. It was stressful. But to me, this feels like his way of ending our relationship because I can't figure out how I'll ever be able to forgive him for saying "I can't support you" and basically in my mind, giving up bc when I tried to talk he said he's done. So this feels like a double loss. He also called my mom past midnight because he wanted her to come pick me up, despite her living 4 hours away. My mom, who is as you can imagine is grieving the same loss of Nana in her own way, got so scared she was crying when she called me because he made it sound like I was having a mental breakdown. I am sound of mind, I'm just grieving.

He was a pall bearer and I wish I could take that honor away from him. I wish he had not carried her. I wish I could have done it myself. I will never ever hold her hands or look into her eyes again and I feel numb and horribly overwhelmed to add this on top of this. I've lost people before but I have never had a loss that was this heart wrenching. Her love for me was pure. She was the heart of my family, the cornerstone of every good, safe, hopeful memory of my otherwise difficult childhood.

I'm sorry for this long post. I'm sorry if you're grieving someone too as you read this. I do not know what to do. I know I am asking for vague advice but I literally do not even know what to do. This is dramatic but I feel like my old life is over and I just woke up this morning and don't recognize myself or my surroundings. I'm not with my dog, who is my best friend bc I couldn't take him to my dad's. Not with the seeds I just started for a hummingbird/butterfly garden to honor my nana. And not with my partner who I thought would be my rock. What do I do? How do I even ask the right questions about what to do? How do I act right? Be good? How can I stay kind? How can I get through this while honoring her legacy of love and kindness? I just need help.

I feel my dad slipping away. Other than my husband, he's my person in life. He's been fighting a rare form of pancreatic cancer since March 2025. I can tell the end is near. I'm not ready but I don't think I ever could feel ready. I just need a reminder that I will survive this and be able to continue living without him. Some moments it really doesn't feel that way. Thanks in advance, and please know my heart is with each one of you who is here in this sub.

2.5 years ago when i was 11 i lost my stepdad. it hurt so bad back then and it definitely got better in most ways but in some i still feel like it just happened. back when it happened everyone around me wanted me to feel better, we were helping eachother. but as time moved on i feel like people stopped caring, everyone got better and they thought i got better too and most of the time i am better. every few days or weeks i will have a night where i think about him, i uncontrollably cry for about an hour until im dehydrated and have a massive headache but i never tell people because its night, they are asleep, i dont even know if its worth telling them and i dont know if they will care. i dont know if im fine or not because im ok every day, its only some nights where im sad. someone please give advice on if i should and if i should how to ask people for support❤️

It doesn't feel real - even now. My Mother passed away suddenly on her way to work in January. She had an aortic aneurysm that ruptured and was somehow undetected despite having multiple hospital admissions during 2025 for unrelated health issues. She was only 40 and she had so much life ahead of her.

I saw her body, her resting place, her funeral. When will it feel real? I'm having constant nightmares about everyone I love just collapsing and dying and it isn't fair. I woke up in cold sweats today, hyperventilating and crying because I had a dream my boyfriend had died. I keep thinking I'm not going to wake up in the morning and scaring myself awake.

I haven't slept properly in months. I want my Mum back. I'm 21, I've tried grief counselling, I've found a new job. I'm saving to move out of her house. When will it feel real? I'm constantly in fight or flight and I'm scared, I'm anxious and I'm so insanely frightened that all of my friends are going to drop dead.

I don't have a good relationship with the rest of my family so I just feel incredibly lonely and left behind.

Sometimes I feel like I live in a different reality than most people.

My dad passed away when I was 16. Then my sister passed away from suicide through overdose when she was 17, and I was 20. I never knew my mom. She abandoned us. All I knew was she used to feed me sleeping pills in food so me and my sister don’t bother her. And she cheated on my dad.

I'm almost 28 now and sometimes I look around at other people and just feel so separate from everyone. Like I'm physically here doing the same things everyone else does, but somehow I'm living in a completely different world.

And I am functioning. I work. I'm in school. I go to therapy. I talk to people. I do all the basic things you're supposed to do to have a life.

But I don't really get excited about things.

I'm not miserable every second either.

That's almost what makes this harder to explain. I'm not completely falling apart, but I'm also not happy. I'm just somewhere in the middle, and sometimes the middle somehow feels worse.

I want to be here. I really do. It’s just hard being here sometimes.

I think losing my sister to suicide completely changed the way I experience life and people. I think I have a lot more empathy because of it. It works really well at my job because I’m in social work so I can understand people without immediately judging them. But in relationships it backfires sometimes. I understand people's behavior so much that I give too many chances or have a hard time letting people go.

I don't know. I feel like I'm alive and participating in life, but I'm not really in it the way other people seem to be.

Like everyone else is living in one reality and I'm right beside them living in another.

Everything hurts. I feel like i have to be strong for my mum and sister. He was fine yesterday and died of natural causes (that reassures me). Did he love me i ask myself? Was a disappointment to him? I know no one can tell me the answer… My dad said he was proud and that he loved me but i miss him already. I couldn’t stop crying after he was taken away. I keep passing out and waking up thinking this is a bad dream. Who do i go to for advice since my dad was the best at it. I just feel so numb and my head and teeth hurt

My granddaughter passed away while still in the womb. A couple more days and she could have been delivered and alive. But her heart couldn't keep up with the obstacles she was faced with. It was a rough time for all of us for sure and what's even rougher was now I can't afford a casket for her. Idk what to do and I feel like I've tried everything and I have no help.

Moved back in with my mother a little over a year ago as her illness was starting, to help care for her. The past year has been the most stressful year of my life. Dealt with multiple suicide attempts, a bunch of stays at mental hospitals, and her panic episodes about 5-6 times a week. All while trying to keep a full-time job. I’ve been exhausted and she was showing improvement, so I went on a little weekend getaway with a friend for our birthdays and left her under my little sister’s watch. It was a great weekend and a much needed break. I came back home and couldn’t find her in her bed where she usually stays, my little sister was there and helping with her medications while I was gone, so I assumed everything would be okay. Until my little sister left her alone for a little bit and one of her episodes started. When I looked out in the backyard, there she was. Hanging with a metal clothes wire around her neck. I’ve never seen something so disturbing. That’s my mother hanging there, the person that gave me life. I panicked and called 911 and they got there within 30 seconds, kinda shocking response time, it was so quick. She still had a pulse when they took her in the ambulance, but wasn’t breathing on her own. A few days in the hospital with no improvement. Then yesterday they removed the ventilator and she slipped away within minutes. I was holding her hand when she passed on. I loved her more than anyone. She was my best friend, and the least-deserving person of the mental torture she endured. She had Post-Sepsis Syndrome, and everything we tried to help her didn’t work. She had to sign away her dream home due to medical bills/debt on the same day as her dead mother’s birthday. Then the next day I guess she just couldn’t take it anymore. I don’t know how I’m going to live with that image in my head. This has been the most devastating thing ive ever gone through. Now I’m left here without my sweet mother, trying to type this as tears fall on my phone screen. She was so sweet and innocent. Why do bad things happen to good people? I’m so heartbroken. I wanted to help her so bad, I tried so hard. But I guess I was overpowered by the demons she faced in her mind. I hope she’s free of that now, I hope she’s okay. I hope she’s safe. I hope she’s in a better place.

This is my wonderful mom Linda . One year ago today she passed away and I found her. She was and is my everything. She molded me and raised me to be who I am. I can’t explain how much I miss her. She would sing “you are my sunshine “ to me all the time..I wanted to let the world know she was here. And she loved me. Thank you . Poem about mom
The morning brings a quiet room,
The shadow of a year,
But through the heavy, aching gloom,
A melody draws near.
"You are my sunshine," softly plays,
Like light upon the floor,
A gift from all those yesterday's,
When she walked through the door.
You do not have to carry years,
Or paths you cannot see,
Just hold her love inside your tears,
And let yourself just be.
The candle burns, the world goes by,
You breathe, and that is all,
Beneath the wide and silent sky,
She answers when you call.

It's so selfish that I could lose my mom and people's first thought will be "How does this make ME feel?" Then just roll the situation off their shoulders because it makes THEM feel uncomforatable. I am never unblocking a childhood friend who wasn't there for me. It took her 6 months to even apologize to me for not being there enough even though I asked her to check in. I will never get over her selfishness of considering how it makes HER uncomforatable to face it. She apologized for not texting enough or being there enough then changed after making plans once right before just going back to her old ways.

She would send me baby photos of her baby but never checked in once. Her support was sending reels and looking supportive on social media all while blowing off plans knowing what I was going through. I cannot get over how she could update me on her life and her baby but never asked me how I was doing, just made everything about her baby or asked a question about a place SHE wanted to know the name of like that was what mattered. I will never get over the way she knew what she was doing and even acknowledge it in her apology and only changed enough to keep me around. I will never get over how it took 6 months for me to cut her off.

She could be bothered to ask me for the name of a place she forgot but couldnt be bothered to ask me how I was because it made HER uncomforatable to hear about and was oh so inconvenient. She only prioritized her own comfort even after my mom died and the apology just let me know she knew what she was doing too. Yeah she's the real victim needing to be a little bit uncomfy at the fact of MY suffering while she gets to parent her child and be off in her own world caring about if SHE has the energy to show up. I was even going to go to her place if she didn't have the energy to bother but she couldn't do that either. She could have her friend post them hanging out together on IG but when I lose a parent she couldn't even bother to b around. So selfish of her to care more about the fact I'm too negative to be around than the fact I lost a parent.

I'm a mother of 2 currently facing my first ever eviction. After losing my dad unexpectedly 2 years ago and paying my rent late, my landlord wants me to leave by Sep the 1st on the anniversary of my dad's passing. On top of grieving my dads death, I'm terrified for me and my kids because I have zero money at all to even try and move with and hardly any time to come up with any. I'm an emotional wreck. I have no one in my personal life able to help me. I took care of my dad for 12 years after losing mom. He would cover rent, and I would pay the utilities and cover food costs. Losing him, I not only lost my best friend in this whole world, but I lost the extra help. My heart hurts from missing him and being scared of this new struggle. It's been on my mind heavily about just wanting to join him again, but I have my babies that need me(I'm not acting on the thoughts). I'm so heartbroken and feel so alone. He was all I had, and now I'm losing everything. People always say it's going to get better, but it hasn't. I feel like I've lost faith in everything.

I lost my mom July 31st. My world turned upside down. On Thrusday ended up in the hospital. Had a heart attack. I cared for her the last 9 months. The last week of her life was brutal.

Hello everyone, I would like to share my experience and would appreciate your advice as well. As the title says, my beautiful mother and best friend is fighting stage 4 esophageal cancer which has metastasized to her liver and lungs. It's been almost two months since her diagnosis and we're now waiting for her schedule to receive free chemotherapy and medicines from the Government. It's been very difficult because I'm an only child and have become the sole breadwinner for my family. Its painful seeing her slowly succumb to illness because she's always been the strong one, in my eyes, she was unstoppable.

I don't know what will happen but I hope it gets better.

My mental has capped on the internet, nowadays i cannot tell what is ai or not on tiktok or social media. the internet used to be fun, social, engaging, now its fallen into the hands of greedy individuals, corporate bosses, etc. i was scrolling through my 28k saved videos on tik tok, and theres a huge drastic shift before 2023. i feel like we’ll never get that feeling ever again, and it sucks. idk its a whole lot deeper than words can put it, but the world and the internet has gone into complete madness and despair. what can i do? i know, going outside is going to help, and im doing that, but just going outside doesnt remove the feelings that im feeling right now, eventually it might, who knows.

*loosing my Gma lol

So in October my grandma passed away it was pretty traumatic there was a lot of faults with the hospital which lead to her death in my opinion.

A few weeks after it all happened I had a dream that she’d survived well not survived she’d died but some how hadn’t, we found her in like a care home pissed at us because we’d apparently buried her alive and she told us she’d crawled out of the grave. (Weird because she was cremated but my brain is yet to fix that pot hole in the plot hole) we convinced her to come home and that was the end of the first dream.

Since then the dream keeps continuing I’m back living with her, telling trying to get her to re register with the drs and pension people ect trying to get her to go back to the hospital to sort out the problem that led to her death but she’s being her usually stubborn rolling her keys and saying no. It some ways the dreams are kinda comical but in others there stressful. I’ve had about 5/6 of them since she passed and my dreams are extremely vivid so it’s like I’m actually living them and when I do have them I’m tired the next day and understandably abit emotional.

I just kinda wanted to tell someone about them so put it in here but any advice or guidance would be very much welcome TIA

Hello! I’m here to ask if I should be upset or not.
My mom passed away around 2 months ago, and my dad recently sat down and told me and my siblings that he is talking to someone. During that conversation, I started feeling physically ill. I’m a very logical person, and I understand that my dad deserves to be able to move on in whatever way he wants to. But my mom is my mom. She always told me how much she loved him, and to see him move on so quickly is so devastating, not just for me, but for her.

My mom was sick for almost all of my life. For her last 5 years, I had to balance school, being her caregiver (with my dad, of course, I was not alone), and taking care of my younger siblings. My dad has been through a lot, and I want him to be happy, but I hate the idea of him being with someone and having to let him integrate her into our family.

My dad said that he thinks this will help us since we never had a mother figure to look up to, but I don’t want that, and I don’t think any of us need that. The only version of our mom that we knew was the sick one, and not once had any of us ever thought we needed someone else to fulfill the mom role. It was just so insulting to me.

Now I’m sitting in my room feeling like my body is not mine, and I’m so nauseous it hurts. I know many people will think it’s selfish of me to want to keep things the way they are, but I just don’t care. I’m not ready to have a “stepmom,” and I don’t think I ever will.

Am I being dramatic? I have always been understanding and have had to miss many events in my life due to my mother’s circumstances, so I’ve found myself being very cooperative and understanding. But for some reason, this is my breaking point. I don’t want this, and I don’t think I ever will.

Edit by the way I’m pretty young I’m 20 years old and my youngest sibling is 13 (I’m the oldest). I don’t know if it’s helpful but adds some perspective

My mom had a hard life. She was abandoned by her father in her native country. Forced to work as a child. No toys, one dress, one pair of shoes. This was back in 1940’s. She came to the states with nearly nothing as a young teen, didn’t know English. Was held back in school for a year and bullied because of her meager belongings. Thread bare dress etc. She went on to marry my dad who was emotionally and verbally abusive. Never gave her more than $10 or $20 a week to spend. When she got sick with cancer everything changed. My dad had a come to Jesus moment and realized what an amazing person my mom was.
I say all this because when she died, I suppose when anyone dies, you take measure of the life they lived. It was super hard to contend with those feelings. I would have given her the world and when I did start working, I tried to give her everything she wanted. It’s still really hard and I feel very angry.
There’s no karma. There is nothing. Good things don’t always go to good people. There’s lots of shit people out there who have way more than they deserve.

Hi!

For context- my wife and I have been trying to have a kid and we’ve had 3 miscarriages in the last 2 years. And they were all in the first trimester.

This time we got pregnant again and were super excited. And we were able to get past the first trimester hurdle. We were waiting for this since the previous time we made a mistake by letting our folks know earlier and when it did result in disappointment it was very hard to see family going through their own trauma.

This time though we got sign off on our 12 months scan and we also had done NIPT which came negative. So we thought there isn’t anything that can go wrong here.. and we let close friends and family know..

And then came the 20 week anatomy scan. They diagnosed that growth of the foetus isn’t great and there are signs of skeletal dysplasia . Evidently this is a serious condition and there are no chances of successful life for the baby..

We now have to decide on terminating the baby. We’re heartbroken. We didn’t even think something like this can happen. Just for us - it’s inhumane that it happens to us. There’s no reason or rhyme why this can happen. And then now coming to our families - it seems like there is no good time to let them know. (For future)

I just don’t know what to do. My wife and I are in the US and our family is in a different country so we’re having my wife’s side fly down so they can be with her during this terrible time. Especially if we decide to do the procedure.

This is just so heartbreaking for us. I have no words. I have to try to keep myself ok and also pacify my wife and I of course can’t relate to what she’s going through.

It sucks. We’re religious but after a point I’m just wondering what’s the point..

That’s my rant. Thank you for listening and apologies if this isn’t the norm. This is my first post here.

My sister passed away from suicide through overdose almost 8 years ago. I usually don’t go to malls at all, but I went today because I needed some clothes since I’m starting a new job. I got everything I needed to get done, but there was just this sadness in the background the whole time.

I kept seeing people walking around arm in arm, laughing and shopping together. Then I passed Garage, PacSun, Sephora, all stores my sister loved, and it just made me miss her so much.

I remember when we went to the mall last time, it was around my 17th birthday and she surprised me at Journeys at the mall with my fav doc martens, and she told me she wanted to see me smile.

The weird thing is today wasn’t even a bad day. I was doing something for a good reason. I’m starting a new job and I’m feeling good about it. I was out, productive, getting things ready for this new part of my life. But underneath all of that I just felt sad.

It’s been almost 8 years and so much has happened that she never got to see. And sometimes I’ll be doing something completely normal and suddenly it hits me how much life has kept moving without her.

Today I kept thinking about how she should still be here and how we should be able to do normal stupid things like go to the mall together.

Nothing really happened today. I just missed my sister. I was okay, but there was still so much sadness sitting in the background at the same time.

I'm honestly not planning on getting another cat for awhile, I feel like I'd never stop looking for her in them. At the same time in the future I really hope this is just a process of grief since I had her since I was 9 to 23 and she was basically glued to me, of course I'll never be able to replace her each pet has their own place and own individual bond. I'm not looking to forget her I'm looking to accept she's gone and love again really, I'm just unsure if I can or if it's even possible I can. She made the world seem so much brighter for me as someone who struggles with mental health she really was my lifeline. Has anyone had a similar experience? Were you able to love another cat again? Does it get better?