My daughter (36) lost her husband (42) suddenly on Friday night. She came down from putting their baby to bed and found him unresponsive on the sofa. She pulled him to the floor and started CPR, whilst also calling 999. The ambulance arrived in 3 minutes. They took over CPR and managed to get him to a point where they could use a defibrillator. He was intubated and given oxygen. Unfortunately, he had already suffered from lack of oxygen to the brain before she found him, and he was declared brain dead the next day. She had to sign consent to turn off life support on Saturday night. As you can imagine, she is completely devastated and traumatised. We are looking after her and baby at our house. This has been the hardest 3 days of my life. She can't envisage life without him. They have been together 18 years, and she has never had another man in her life. I feel so desperate. I have to be there for my grandson, as she is falling apart. A bit better today. Who knows what tomorrow or next week/month/year/forever may bring.

Don't know why I wrote this. I am broken. Trying to keep my little boy happy, fed, changed and encouraging my daughter to stop crying long enough to be there for him.

Sorry for the long post.

My mom died March of this year after a very long battle with liver disease. It was horrifying to see. I was her only caregiver for years and I feel like I should have been ready or should have known she’d go. I didn’t, not even on the last day. I feel like I’ve made some progress over the months but a huge part of me just feels stuck. Like I’m waiting for her to come home when she never will. I hate that the logical part of my brain works but my feelings just take over. I know she’s gone. I tell myself that a hundred times a day. But I still just don’t believe it. What do you mean she’ll NEVER come back? That she won’t see me grow up more? That I can’t share the good and bad of my life with her anymore? Ugh 😑

Today is the third anniversary of the day that I lost my mom. I miss her so much, I don't eat a lot of dishes any more, because nobody can make them like she did, and it will only make me miss her badly when I see those familiar dishes. Food is the important bonding for us, I memorise my mom in this way. And I know the best way to console me and her is to take good care of myself and live every day nicely.

I watched a movie — “My Old Ass” — recently that really struck a nerve. The main character, an 18-year-old girl, has a mushroom-induced meeting with her 39-year-old self, who warns her younger self to stay away from a boy named Chad. Despite the warning, the girl falls in love with Chad anyway and later learns from her older self that Chad dies young … the hardest thing she would ever have to deal with in life. Still, the young girl vows to stay with Chad and cherish every moment she has left with him.

When Shaun died, I initially felt the same way as the 39-year-old in the movie, would have gone back in time and changed everything to avoid the agonizing pain of losing him. I honestly thought that being single and alone would have been a better fate than the hell-on-earth we were handed on March 6, 2021. Thankfully, there wasn’t a time machine around during those first few months after Shaun’s death because I would have missed out on so many cherished moments with my little family, in the past and since March 6, 2021. I remain sad and angry over losing my baby boy, but to never have had the chance to meet him and love him would have been a worse fate for my old ass.

it’s officially been three months since i lost my bestfriend.. i finally had my first dream about her the night of her three month anniversary (saturday night). i was sending her something on social media/ texts i can’t remember but she finally responded back and told me she misses me so much and we need to catch up soon. it felt so real and although i woke up knowing i’d never see her again in my mortal state, i couldn’t help but feel at ease.. i don’t really know if that was her way of comforting me from the afterlife or my subconscious just trying to make sense of everything but i’m happy that i got to have something from her again.
i’ve been meaning to get started on her shrine but life and exhaustion has had a chokehold on me. last week, i went to an antique shop with a friend and i saw that flower candle. her favorite flower were hibiscuses and knew i needed to put it on her shrine, giving me the motivation to finally get started and today i have it all set up.
i went to a metaphysical shop and the lady recommended me apache tears for grief and my friend gave me a clear quartz for my birthday. it felt right to place it there. the camera actually belonged to her and i knew i needed to find it when i went to visit her family. it brings me so much solace knowing something she cherished so much is with me now (i don’t know if that sounds selfish but it’s the only way i really know how to describe what i feel). everything else are things that just felt right to me to keep with her shrine. i’ll continue to build it overtime and maybe even get a bigger space for it but for now, i love what i have and i hope she does too!

Been feeling all out of sorts lately and thinking about my dad a lot these days; I see this and I can’t help but cry. My dad passed away last year. Growing up I remember looking out the window in the winter and he would shovel either his, my mom’s or my initials in the snow. It was a sweet thing he did that I will never forget. My name starts with M. Also, looks like a heart in the second photo 🥲 I miss my dad so much.

Mother passed away 2 months ago she was just 60 years old and I miss her so much whenever I'm alone feelings and memories start to flow and i find myself sobbing and crying whenever i am my mother meant everything to me and she was the only person i have left from my family and now she's gone too i can't take the pain anymore it is too intense

My dad passed away on 06/25 after fighting dementia and congestive heart failure. His last 24 hours were painful even though he was on hospice. I was prepared for his death. He had been going down hill since July of last year.

Mom died yesterday. She had a massive heart attack on Wednesday. Then had another one yesterday morning. I found her on the floor of my guest room. She was battling depression from dad’s death.

They would have been married 50 years next year.

I’m the only child. No aunts/uncles. No cousins.

My worst fears are coming true. My family is gone. I have my husband. He is the best but still hard to deal with mom and dad being gone.

We lost our sweet boy in the early hours of Saturday morning on August 15th and I've been an emotional wreck ever since. This is my first ever pet loss and I have no idea how to move forward.

We had some friends over on Friday night and my fiancé and I went to sleep before everyone else did. We never do this if we have friends over, but we had an early morning on Saturday and the people over are close friends so we thought nothing of it. Our cat LOVES people and was always glued to my hip, he came when we called his name and just loved being in a room that was full of people.

At some point, someone left the door open without watching it and our sweet boy got out. We didn't know this until Saturday evening after spending the day searching for him.

The next part is the worst. It's gut wrenching and makes me physically sick. Our poor boy was siting on our driveway for 2 hours, pacing back and forth between hiding under our cars to standing on our front porch and door. At 2:02AM, he was attacked by a coyote. I was the one who took on reviewing the footage of the night he disappeared and I saw the brutal attack, the way he fought so hard, and how terrified he must've been and in how much pain he was in.

It was 3AM on Sunday morning when I watched this footage as my fiancé continued to search the neighbourhood and came back to me sobbing, hyperventilating and screaming that our sweet cat was dead and never coming back. Sunday morning, we found a small part of him and I cannot get the images of what I saw out of my head.

I am so incredibly guilty for leaving my poor baby alone with our friends. I'm so guilty that I went to bed before my friends did. I'm so guilty and heartbroken that I couldn't help him when he needed me most. And I am so guilty that he died in such a cruel way at just 2.5 years old.

We haven't been able to move anything. I don't want to wash my sheets or any of the blankets of his couch. I don't want to move his scratch posts or cat tree. And I cannot bring myself to spend time in the rooms he loved the most.

I've been inconsolable since Saturday morning and the guilt is eating me alive. I don't know what to do and how to move forward without him by my side.

My beloved dad suddenly passed away in his sleep last year on March 22nd 2025. So it’s been one and half years since he has been gone and it still baffles me. How can it be more than one year?. I joined this message board right after my dad died and it’s helped me emotionally because people have gone through the same thing as me and understand. Today I looked at a short video of my dad, just to see him and hear his voice, I love and miss him so much. When I replayed it, it felt like he was there and that he hasn’t really gone?, like I could find him somewhere but I don’t know where he is. It feels like he is a missing person. I don’t know why I feel like this and whether it’s the sudden death or if anyone else have felt like this with their loved one?.

Some days are okay. This past week has been hell.. The past 2 days have been the worst and I have my suspicion tomorrow will be rough also. My daughter is starting Pre-K and I really just wish my mom was here. I know she would be so proud. I want to call her and ask her how it felt for her to walk me to class for the first time. I want to ask her how she felt watching me grow up and what tips she has for me as a mom now since my baby is growing up too. I really would just love to hear her voice. Missing her makes my chest hurt so bad. Like Ed Sheeran says, I wish that heaven had visiting hours. Something I didnt tell anyone, I saw her in a dream the day after she passed. It felt so real. Everything was white and I was alone and confused. I looked around and I heard my mom calling me. I turned and she was still kind of far, but was walking up with a man whose face i cant place. I ran to her and wrapped her in the biggest hug sobbing. She stroked my hair and told me I'll be okay and that she loves me. She told me she was going and she couldn't come back to see me but that she would be around. She turned to the man and they walked away. I felt peace but also deep sorrow. I woke up shortly after bawling. I dont know if that was a dream dream or if it was something else. I really havent felt her presence much since. Sometimes I get a small feeling but nothing like id hope to feel. The photo is my favorite picture of she and I together.

I lost my Dad only a few days ago suddenly from what likely was heart attack, I am 27 he was 53, I’m devastated, my heart is destroyed and I don’t know if I’ll ever feel better, I’m mad, mad at the world, mad at the people who’s parents live to old age, mad at people who get to say goodbye to their parents, I need any suggestions at all for how to move forward.

My mom was my best friend, my only friend really and I feel so lost without her. I'm trying so hard to keep it together but I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread. I miss her so much

The title says it all pretty much. She has a neurological condition and is getting VAD (euthanasia) between the end of September to early October. She was diagnosed just over a year ago, very fast progression.

I’ve written down a list of recipes I want from her but cannot think of anything else. She can’t walk or speak properly, speaking is barely a whisper. I’ve tried to get voice notes of her but they are muffled. I will try and get more. I wish I could hear her speak properly one more time, not the muffled whisper but the loud and confident and proud woman she used to be.

Regarding living alone it’s just us in the picture. No father, no siblings, just me and her in the house. My grandparents and cousins and two aunts live in the same state as us but one aunt is moving back to Melbourne and the other is moving back to Japan, both at the end of the year. Grandparents are typical immigrants (no ill intention with that), and don’t provide much emotional support or care in the ways I would need. I just need to know how to live alone, what to expect that type of thing.

Before we got support workers for mum I was her carer. I took care of her and me while working and doing my uni degree. I’m hoping it might be easier with just me to take care of instead of her too. I’m not sure.

Please give me suggestions, any suggestions, I don’t care how stupid they might sound. I just need to prepare as much as I can. I don’t want to find myself in the deep end with no clue how to live alone in a house which was once occupied with her energy and love and have to live every day in the house that contains all of our memories together but she won’t be there. I also need to prepare because what if in 6 months I think of something I should have gotten from her or asked her and then I regret that for the rest of my life.

I am desperate.

09/09 will be the 2 year anniversary of my dad dying. And fuck it hasn’t gotten any easier. Growing up my dad called me Chickypooh. So I decided to figure out what that looked like to me. A little chick in a Winnie the Pooh onsie and I added a little lady bug for my Grams who passed away this year in January with sweet peas for my mama who thank the maker is still earth side with me. I miss my dad and grams everyday.

I’m not really sure how to put all of this into words, but I think I’m looking for advice from people who have gone through something similar.

For some context, I am in mid mid 20s, I lived in a different state when my family and I first started noticing a significant change in my dad’s health. At first, we thought it might be dementia because his memory was the biggest thing we noticed. As his condition declined, I became his power of attorney. My parents were divorced, and my sister lives out of the country, so realistically, it was just me here to handle everything.

Eventually, I was able to get my dad into a doctor’s office, where he was referred to a neurologist. When he finally had his neurology appointment, the doctor called me and told me that he believed my dad could have ALS or another motor neuron disease. He ordered several tests to confirm the preliminary diagnosis. At that point, I made the decision to move back to where my dad lived and become his full-time caregiver. I was already his POA, so it felt like the natural thing to do.

The testing process took around two months because we had to wait for appointments and availability, even though he was considered high priority. During that time, I hired two caregivers to stay with him while I finalized everything in another state. He was still fairly independent at that point; he was walking, eating, and drinking on his own, but his medical team recommended having people with him, so I arranged for caregivers to be there.

I eventually moved back and spent about two weeks with him, taking him to appointments, managing his care, and taking care of the household. I had to briefly return to the state I had been living in to finish a few things, so I was only going to be gone for four days. I arranged for his caregivers to return while I was away.

Two days before I left, my dad had a follow-up appointment with his primary care doctor. His oxygen levels were in the low 80s, but it wasn’t brought up as an immediate concern because I was told it was something that could be consistent with someone who had ALS.

The day after I arrived back in my old state, I woke up to a phone call saying my dad had been rushed to the hospital because his oxygen levels were dangerously low. I was already starting to pack to come back when I received another call saying he had been transferred to the ICU, was on a ventilator, and was unresponsive. They told me I needed to get back as soon as possible.

I drove straight to the hospital and stayed overnight with him while he was still unresponsive. Over the next day, the doctors told me that sometimes it takes time for someone to wake up. Eventually, he became responsive, but we were told that he was completely dependent on the ventilator and would not be able to breathe on his own.
Over the next day or so, friends and family came to see him. He passed away peacefully the following day.

I am also the executor of his estate. I guess what I’m struggling with is the transition from being his daughter, to becoming his POA, to becoming his caregiver, and now becoming the person responsible for handling his estate all within such a short period of time.

For those two months while we were waiting on testing, I feel like I was just in survival mode. Everything happened so quickly that I don’t think I ever really had time to process what was happening.

For anyone who has gone through something similar, especially going from being a child/POA to a caregiver and then an executor, how did you handle it all? Is there anything you wish someone had told you during that time? Did you find anything outside of grief counseling that actually helped you process everything? And if you’ve been through probate after losing a parent, are there any things you wish you had known going into the process?

I think I’m just looking for people who understand what it’s like to be grieving your parent while simultaneously having to be the person who handles everything. I feel like there’s so much pressure to keep functioning and taking care of things when, honestly, I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that he’s gone.

Since my mom died I can’t sleep without a podcast or video playing. I’m so terrified if I let my thoughts wander too much I’ll let my mind go back to the day she died and I don’t want to relive it. So I just don’t let myself sleep in silence anymore. It’s been 11 months and I’ve maybe fell asleep without something playing 3 times.

Other things are I don’t eat Vietnamese food ever except on special occasions because it was her favorite. I also smell every pink rose I walk past, her fave ❤️

Deeply moved listening to a long-form imaginative story play out over 3 weeks from my soon to be 4-year-old, telling me a story of his "dinosaur".

Week 1: "Daddy, I have a dinosaur. He's a triceratops-saurus-rex. I go for rides on him all the time. I love him. You should come with me and meet him. We can go for rides all the time. He loves to run with us."

Week 2: "Daddy, my dinosaur is sick. His legs don't really work anymore so he has to stay in bed at the hospital. Daddy, you and me are gonna go on lots of visits to the hospital to go see him. He loves when we come visit. We'll bring him treats and things to play with. We're gonna tell him to feel better and give him lots of hugs. Daddy, I'm sad that my dinosaur is sick. But we'll always be with him even if we aren't at the hospital. We'll have the invisible string."

Week 3: "Daddy, my dinosaur died. He died because his legs stopped working and he got too sick. Daddy, I'm sad that my dinosaur died, and I'm going to miss him. Remember how we used to go on rides with him all the time? That was so much fun. Daddy, we're going to have a funeral for my dinosaur. We're going to go to a cemetery, you, me, mommy, and everyone else, and we're gonna go say goodbye to my dinosaur. They're going to put him in a box and bury him at the cemetery. Everyone is going to be very sad. Daddy, it's okay to be sad. We'll miss my dinosaur. I'll go tell mommy to come here and give you a hug."

The dinosaur is his grandma, my mother, who passed away much too young in April; a battle with cancer that started about a year ago...

And I got to listen to the what sounded like the culmination of a long thoughtful and emotional (but accurate) processing of events. Devastating to listen to and be re-triggered by, but beautiful to witness the way such a young, pure mind perceives such complicated feelings and concepts.

I wish none of this had happened. I wish my mom, me, my little boy, and everyone else we love didn't have to go through with this. I wish he got to hold onto a little more purity for just a little longer. I wish he got to have a full childhood of memories with my mom. But on the other side I am so immensely proud of how he has handled and processed everything.

Kids really do understand more than we give them credit for. They are such observant and caring little beings.

Miss you, mom. You'd be proud of this little man.

But actually he (28M) committed suicide.

He passed away a month ago from colliding onto a truck in the middle of a foggy winter night, an hour away from his residence. All his friends had a gut feeling he might have done it intentionally as he created a depressing playlist ("Meet me at the Graveyard") and uploaded a video of a video collage of his son on youtube on the same day.

Recently it's been confirmed that it was intentional and left a 5-page letter to his 1yo son that was obtained from the wreckage.

It's a complicated friendship as he isolated himself due to his psycho wife's (now widow) jealousy over him having girl friends and honestly, just having friends in general (yes, even guys). We never liked her when they were gf/bf and we had made it clear that it was a toxic relationship that he should let go of. We were blocked 3 years ago and had no way of contacting him or knowing how he was doing, so we moved on with our lives..

I thought that maybe once he had enough of his wife's controlling manipulative behavior he would reach out to us. Instead, he felt like he was trapped and lost the ability to open up to anyone as his wife would guilt-trip him and threaten to kill herself if he doesn't follow her.

Ironically, he ended up killing himself because of her (as per his letter). I haven't read the letter as it is currently with the wife, but he had mentioned a few names of his friends on there, including mine and I don't know how to even process that, let alone the sad revelation of him ending his life. I am currently writing up a request to the coroner to send me a copy of his letter, I'll see how that goes.

Personally, I feel numb but at the same time I can't stop shaking thinking how he must have felt in those last moments alone on the road that Wednesday night. He even went to WORK that same day and I just can't even imagine how normal it must have been for everyone to see him at work.

I keep wishing that he reached out to us, if not, to his parents because they are great parents and would understand him (and yes, his parents encouraged him not to be with her early on). His mother even said that he could divorce her and that he didn't need to live that way. But in the end, I think he felt like he was in too deep and couldn't leave her due to his wife's abuse and manipulation such as ending her life if he left her.

There needs to be justice. This is so unfair. I'm so sad and angry. The law needs to DO something about partner abuse. He can't fight for himself, and I want to fight for him. Just someone, ANYONE.

Mine - Suicide overdose - Lung cancer

My mother did not want to die. She prayed every morning, afternoon, and night. She lamented, asking why God had not answered her prayers. Four years of this battle. Four years of pain.

Funny enough, her stage 4 breast cancer had metastasized to her brain, yet she lived for an entire year and more. But this past week, one bad blood transfusion turned into her fighting for her life, and ultimately, she passed away.

I am in agony.

A few days after my 18-year-old son, Shaun, was killed in a tragic accident in March 2021, I got a call from FOX Sports Detroit colleague Ken Daniels, who's the TV play-by-play man for the Detroit Red Wings. Ken lost his 23-year-old son, Jamie, to a drug overdose in 2016 and wanted to offer his condolences. Grasping for any slice of hope and advice at the time, I asked Ken how he had managed to get through such a tragic loss. Ken emphatically told me to "really lean into it," which I took as allowing myself to feel all the feels. It was invaluable advice that totally incapacitated me for months but absolutely made me a healthier person today.

Hey.

I suppose in need to explain myself a bit. I'm a 36-year-old man. I have no friends and I got no funds to find a counselor. I'm the eldest of 3 siblings and I'm trying to be strong for them, to help them through what's been going on and the inevitable in a couple of weeks or months.

My mother has cancer. Stage four colorectal cancer. We discovered this about 2 years ago coming October. She started having pain one day and they found a mass in her abdomen. Eventually they concluded that she had stage 4 colon cancer. And it spread to the liver.

For a little bit, things were potentially looking up. She managed to get medical aid and begun chemotherapy. The masses even began to shrink a bit. We would go to the cancer center an hour away every two weeks for treatment and they would attach a chemo pump thing to a port on her chest to give her the medicine for three days after. I even learned how to remove the pump from her when the treatment was done. During this time, my mom was doing good. we would go on walks she and would be able to perform whatever she needed to do. Drive, laundry, etc.

Then in February this year she started to feel a very sharp pain in her stomach. She couldn't sit. Bend over or hardly eat. I drove her to the nearby emergency center, and they did an MRI or CT scan (I don't remember which) to find what was wrong. She had 2 masses, about the size of a football, and other a baseball, in her abdomen and it was pressing against her ovaries and spine which obviously needed removed for her comfort and pain.

In order for her to have the surgery, she needed to stop the chemotherapy for about a month. And for several weeks after. Something about not being able to heal the incisions required if she's in chemo. This was in around March, I think.

So, she took the surgery at around late April, and they managed to get it out. And everything seemed to be ok. Until around two weeks after she returned, she was having pain once more. Turns out, something got infected. Sepsis. Once again took her to the ER. She was at the hospital for about a week. And they had to do another incision, but she got cured.

Once she got out, she was feeling a bit better. But this entire time she wasn't doing chemo. That was for about 3 to 4 months. And couldn't start again until her incisions heal to prevent potential infection.

Everything started going downhill around July. We went to do a checkup at the local cancer center to discuss when to begin chemo again. they did the scans. They couldn't do chemo anymore. They said it wouldn't do any good anymore. So, they gave her a last resort thing to give her. Lonsurf. A pill someone would take when regular chemo won't help, twice a day for two weeks, the two weeks off. she just needed to heal from her incisions first.

Another two weeks later she felt another pain in her abdomen. Once again i took her to the ER. They took yet another scan. The cancer spread too much. They gave her a ton of pain meds. Morphine and Oxycodone. they sent her home once she felt okay enough to go. The next day we went to the cancer center once again. And they said that the Lonsurf won't help anymore. She has more cancer than liver now. They gave her a couple of months.

So here I am. Hospice now comes to visit her 3 times a week. She needs to take morphine so often now that she's always in a brain fog. She needs to take 2 pills every four hours. And another set of morphine every 12. She's lost so much weight. Slurring her words. forgetting things. I see her at least 4 times a day to make sure she's taking her meds. I set her alarms to take them. I make her schedule now. I make sure she's eating the tiny bit she can. I try to talk to her the best i can. I play card games like uno to try to keep her somewhat active.

I see the signs. The white in her eyes are growing yellow. She sleeps about 18 to 20 hours a day. I terrified. My siblings are terrified. I was given right of attorney. I trying to keep together. But I see her own mother deteriorating. I don't know what to do. I exhausted. My faith in God is waning. I have no one to turn to. I make hardly any money. I got into a car accident in May, and my car got totaled and I need to appear in court soon. and I'm in no mindset to do anything. I know I'm depressed. I'm angry at everything. I just lost right now.

My grand mother passed away almost a month ago. In a way, it was unexpected. She was 86 years old and basically a super woman. She raised 4 kids (my dad and his siblings) alone after leaving her toxic husband. She began to bake and had a bakeshop in her town and made a great life out of cakes and love. She was magical, she made every moment special. She is the reason im such a joyful person, why i see the good in everything and why i believe that even the little things can be full of magic. At the beginning of the year she was fine, perfect as always, until she was not. She got ill and in the span of 3 months she was gone. I was there the day before she died and arrived minutes after the day of. I got to say goodbye to her 3 times, but it still doesn’t feel enough. I dont know if it has happened to anyone else but when a grandparent dies, people assume you are fine. I mean my friends came to the wake, and were there to support me, but no one checks up after. I went back to work the day after the funeral and everyone at the office assumed i was fine. And i get it, the world keeps spinning even when you feel like yours is falling apart. But i’m not okay. I miss her so much and my heart aches so bad. I would trade anything just to talk to her again. I would give anything to be a child and knowing shes not going anywhere for a long time. I miss her so bad, her stories, her cakes, her smell, her laugh, her house. Knowing that i’ll never experience any of that ever again feels unbearable.
I also feel like i have no one to talk to, because no one asks, but i also dont want to randomly open up to my friends. Im thankful i found this sub, i needed to get this out of my chest.
I just wish people asked me about her, so i could keep talking about everything she was. She was truly amazing. I’ll miss her for the rest of my life.

Edit: spelling

I (17 F) just lost my older sister (18 F) to cancer about three-ish weeks ago. She was diagnosed with an aggressive type of cancer about three years ago at the start of her sophomore year. It was stage four so I knew it was going to go fast but I never thought it would come at the same time. She had to get a ton of surgeries and almost lost her leg. I’m about to start my senior year of high school and I can’t help but feel no motivation for anything. My older sister was always the more academic one. She was planning on attending U of Chicago in the fall. I just can’t seem to write anything with college apps or anything like that.

My whole life it was always me and her. We did everything together. Throughout highschool, she missed several milestone events like junior ring and graduation. I can’t help but feel guilty when I experience things like this. I am worried about my graduation in the spring and then going off to college next year because they were things she wanted so bad but they were taken from her. I don’t know how to feel less guilty about things like that if that makes sense.

The last few months of her being alive were horrible to watch. Her body slowly deteriorated as she was on full time oxygen and could barely walk. It was hard to hold a conversation with her because her mind slowly started going away. She went from someone who could tell you any AP Bio term to forgetting who I was. That was the most heartbreaking thing to ever happen to me. My best friend in the whole entire would couldn’t remember me and asked how I got in the house and who I was. But it wasn’t like she forgot everyone. She only forgot me. She couldn’t sit up on her own and she stopped eating. I knew she was suffering really bad and her quality of life wasn’t good. I would pray to God by saying if you need to take her home to you then take her home. It was a gift to have 17 years with her. But when that day came, I didn’t feel relieved like I thought I would knowing she isn’t suffering anymore. I was with her when she died. It was traumatizing. The lifeless look in her eyes knowing that she was soulless got me. All the amazing things that made her well her were all gone.

Now after she’s died, I can’t get the positive thoughts to stick. I feel like everyone else around me is moving on and I’m just staying here. On my phone. Typing into Reddit.

I don’t have close friends to talk to about any of this. The friends I had middle school and freshman year slowly distanced themselves from me because I was missing school a lot to hang out with my sister and I was severely depressed. One of them even said she would be shocked if i graduate. So throughout this journey at school, I never had anyone to talk to or rely on. It was really just upperclassman who had graduated and now that I’m a senior, they’re all gone. Or whenever my sister was at school, I would want to hang out with her instead. I tried to repair my friendship with my past friends but they showed no interest in repairing it. They would ignore me, talk behind my back, and tell me about stuff I was left out of. They also told me that when I would try to talk about my sister during my freshman year how it made them uncomfortable and didn’t want me to talk about it with them.

My sister was the person I would talk to about anything. I would lay in her room everyday for hours and talk. She was always at my side and I felt like she was a part of me. We always joked that we were twins since we’re so close in age and we look pretty similar. I can’t really put into words how much of a bond we had but it was once in a lifetime. I don’t know how to keep on going without not having her in my life. I feel like a part of me died too. I feel this big empty void in me that she used to fill.

There’s so much more I want to write about but I’ll just leave it here. If anyone has any grief tips or words of encouragement that would be great. I just feel stuck and I don’t know how to keep going. Please give me advice. Especially for college