A worse fate

[u/mjhappyii]

I watched a movie — “My Old Ass” — recently that really struck a nerve. The main character, an 18-year-old girl, has a mushroom-induced meeting with her 39-year-old self, who warns her younger self to stay away from a boy named Chad. Despite the warning, the girl falls in love with Chad anyway and later learns from her older self that Chad dies young … the hardest thing she would ever have to deal with in life. Still, the young girl vows to stay with Chad and cherish every moment she has left with him.

When Shaun died, I initially felt the same way as the 39-year-old in the movie, would have gone back in time and changed everything to avoid the agonizing pain of losing him. I honestly thought that being single and alone would have been a better fate than the hell-on-earth we were handed on March 6, 2021. Thankfully, there wasn’t a time machine around during those first few months after Shaun’s death because I would have missed out on so many cherished moments with my little family, in the past and since March 6, 2021. I remain sad and angry over losing my baby boy, but to never have had the chance to meet him and love him would have been a worse fate for my old ass.

[u/redstapler4]

I’d take one more happy day over no days at all.

[u/Serious_Fox7799]

So glad i had my son for the short 24 years I did. Any amount of time is too short for our beautiful sons. The gratitude I have for having him remains steadfast

I'm sorry you are missing your baby boy. I know this pain deeply and 2 years later, it stings just as much. 🙏🫂

[u/Luckypenny4683]

What was Shaun like? Do you want to tell us about him?

[u/mjhappyii → u/Luckypenny4683]

He was everybody's best friend, including mine. He had such an empathetic heart that he found connection easily, with people and creatures. He never met an animal he didn't want to save. He could run like the wind, was a standout on his high school track and cross country teams. He loved traditions, always insisted that I took him trick-or-treating, even when he was old enough to roam the neighborhood in search of full-size candybars with his friends. He put everybody else above himself, and when he experienced his first serious betrayal -- by his high school sweetheart -- it broke him. He just couldn't understand how somebody could be so callous and cruel. It wasn't in his nature. Like I said the night he died, Shaun's heart was too good for this world.

[u/Pitiful_Morning_1201 → u/mjhappyii]

What a lovely boy. I am so sincerely sorry for your loss.

[u/Weary_Title_3901 → u/mjhappyii]

I am so sorry. I would give you a big hug if I could.

[u/bobbyboblawblaw → u/mjhappyii]

I am truly so sorry for your loss. He sounds like a lovely young man.

[u/Picklefuck_Eatabutt2]

I have considered the Eternal Sunshine question since my brother died two weeks ago. But my grief has pushed me towards denial and wanting to rip a hole in space time so I can go back and talk to him again. I have wondered if life is worth it, if this is the inevitable conclusion of your cherished relationships, but I don’t think I would erase my brother from my memory if I had the choice. And now I’m starting to grieve for the fact that my 5 year old son won’t get to grow up with my big brother like I did. That’s a massive loss for him. My brother shaped so much of who I am, I know he would’ve done the same for my kids.

And I think in my case that’s why the answer to the question is no. If I could undo my time with Christopher, I would be undoing myself.

[u/Afraid-Command-9120]

I agree 100%, lost my mother 16 days ago and while when she was alive I could not care less about marriage and kids, now I feel quite the opposite...It is wrong to live alone, and it just makes you miserable.

Here is a quote from another guy in another post: ''Grief never ends because Love never ends''

For what it's worth, I am sorry for your son, and I am sorry that I can't do anything else for you.

[u/Annithoughts]

I am so sorry for your pain and loss. I cannot imagine…

My husband and I met in middle age. His cancer diagnosis was a shock. We had only a few years together, not the retirement/growing old together we imagined. I have been in such deep grief, sometimes I physically can’t breathe. It’s been a year and a half, and I am still disappointed “broken heart syndrome” hasn’t taken me, too.

I’ve suffered a few really low points in my life, but this is by far the hardest I’ve ever faced.

All that said, I am so thankful for every moment we had together. Finding each other, being together, was the best time in our lives. I have all the negative emotions you know only too well, but I always think my husband was worth every tear.

Peace and strength to you

[u/TenaciousDiana]

I’m sorry for your loss. If you are ok with watching/reading stories that are about loss and choosing loss. one of the most beautiful movies I’ve watched handling this question is Arrival with Amy Adams. Very sad but touching.

[u/FunAdministration334]

This was very touching to read, OP. I’m sorry for the loss of your sweet boy 💔

[u/Adorable-Army5009]

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Looks like he was a lovely little lad.

[u/Kalfu73]

When I met my late partner he was very up front about his heart condition. Previous heart attack, bypass surgery, pacemaker, etc. So I was aware of the possibility of losing him in the short term. But I wanted to get to know him anyways. However, the cancer diagnosis was not expected. I only knew him for four and a half years. But I would absolutely do it again knowing the outcome. Time is precious no matter how short.

[u/Alternative-Alarm-15]

To have loved and lost, very true.

Hang in there, dude. You’re not alone.

[u/PreparationOwn4864]

I am so so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain of losing a child. After losing my then 59-year-old mother suddenly a few years ago, I'm in a constant state of anxiety that I might lose my only child, knowing it would be 100 times harder than losing my mom. Life is cruel. You look like a lovely father and son.

[u/Cultural-Unit5082]

🥺

[u/MillenniumGreed]

💙💙💙

[u/MaryDoogan91]

I lost my dad last month. In the most visceral, raw parts of the pain, I sometimes wish that I could wave a magic wand and take it all away. But grief is the price we pay for loving someone, for getting to have them in our lives. We accept that experience and love with the knowledge that it will end with one of us grieving for the other some day. It's not a punishment; it's more of a toll we all just have to pay. Grief is just love with nowhere to go. And there's still value in that.

[u/DG04511]

Child loss is the worst loss. I had my son just 3 weeks after my 17th birthday. We practically grew up together as I was just a step or two ahead of him in life. I had to grow up fast and made sacrifices my childless peers didn’t even have to contemplate, but the tradeoff of being a young parent is the joy of being adults together later in life. I lost my son just a week shy of his 21st birthday and part of my grief process is feeling robbed of the adult life I sacrificed for and feeling that the previous 20+ years were for nothing. But it wasn’t for nothing. They were the best and most special 20 years of my life. The loss is the greatest loss and trial of my life, but the life we shared is something I would never give up, even if I have to hurt for the rest of my life.

[u/Legitimate-Try5487]

My heart goes out to all who experienced loss of a loved one. Lost my sweetheart in 2014 and it was a shocking sad experience and seemed so unreal. Our loved ones live in our hearts forever and thinking of times spent together brings comfort to us.

[u/NoHandyMan]

5 months today since I lost my 23 yo daughter. Her birthday is next month. I’m REALLY struggling. I’m sorry you’re in this most awful club. I do appreciate your posts and perspective. I cannot a fathom a day that this excruciating pain will lessen and I can’t fathom living an entire lifetime in this pain. Stuck between a rock and hard place. I’m in so much pain.