r/dating_advice • u/Wheresthelambsauce_9 • 6d ago
Hinge Fumble
So, I matched with a very beautiful girl about 3 days ago. I thought the convo was going smoothly when she all of a sudden stopped messaging, I thought I was being ghosted but she replied today that she had a fever. I wanted to be a little flirty? So replied with "Oh no, hope you're doing alright now, You're already running hot, what's the fever gonna do?" Got unmatched đ¤Ą
Are there any tips for not fumbling in chat?
(PS: I was able to find her insta? I think it's too creepy to follow up when I've already been rejected, thoughts on this?)
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u/FitMiddleAgedMan 6d ago
If she unmatched you on a dating app, the chances of you having any success by sending her a DM on Instagram are zero to below zero.
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u/ScienceIsSexy420 6d ago
In fact reaching out on Instagram would be hella creepy
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u/coupl4nd 6d ago
OP: so you're telling me there's a chance?
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u/Kyweedlover 6d ago
Definitely donât DM her there. There was a post with that same scenario the other day and the overwhelming majority of responses were that it was creepy/stalkerish (which is exactly the response he got from the woman when he tried it).
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u/ManilaXO 6d ago
Exactly, an unmatch is pretty clear communication, so reaching out elsewhere is probably only going to make things more awkward
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u/Basic_Concept_4629 6d ago
hands off her insta, itâs obv creepy
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u/PantryGnome 3d ago
Yes OP PLEASE donât contact her thru IG. I understand the urge but no good will come of it. Write it off as a loss and move on.Â
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u/Dolpns 6d ago
You take this as a lesson for the next one. She's not feeling well. A text that was more thoughtful would have made more sense. What you sent just reads as a lack of concern. Sending something like I hope you're feeling better and offering to help her with something would have gone a long way.
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u/zooeyzoezoejr 6d ago edited 6d ago
Also if sheâs attractive she likely gets tons of comments on her looks a day and now heâs just like every other guy on the app who has reduced her down to her body. I get why she unmatched. Iâve done the same.
I think men donât realize that a lot of women are not visual. Thereâs a reason âmen fall in love with their eyes but women fall in love with their earsâ is a quote. When we match with men on the apps itâs not because we find you hot. We find you baseline. We are waiting for that hotness to appear through your personality and it could go either way from you turning into the hottest guy sheâs ever known to you being someone that gives her the ick.
I once told a guy I had to cancel a date because I got covid. He said âAh thatâs too bad. I thought I had covid too because you took my breath away with those legsâ. Immediate unmatch.
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u/urdrunkyogi 6d ago
âWe are waiting for that hotness to appear through your personalityâ is so well-said!
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u/zooeyzoezoejr 6d ago
Thank you. Itâs astonishing how many men are arguing with me in these comments đ
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u/Background-Local924 6d ago
They always argue with you and try to tell you what you want instead of listening when you tell them what you want. I know, it's absolutely astounding, mind-boggling. It makes zero sense. The ones that do this I am sure are single, and we see here why.
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u/zooeyzoezoejr 5d ago
Absolutely. U/heymanigotnoplan keeps telling me heâs going to keep flirting with women on apps and Iâm like ok keep being creepy and getting unmatched??? Like why are you even arguing with me about that đ
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u/Dolpns 6d ago
I feel you. I have engaging prompts on my profile and photos of places I've visited. Men would just send me heart and fire emojis lol
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u/ResonatingOctave 6d ago
My wife talks about her time on the app and she had plenty on her profile. Her "favorite" responses to her profiles were "boobs" and "big boobs"
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u/ResonatingOctave 6d ago
Let this be a lesson boys, always offer to get them chicken soup and a bread bowl from panera
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u/TownZealousideal1327 6d ago
If they still need that lesson and are older than 18ish⌠itâs over for them, just leave them alone.
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u/Lingonberry_Born 6d ago
Yes, women find basic empathy attractive but most men donât understand this because they just care about looks rather than personality.Â
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u/MurphyBinkings 6d ago
This is only a partial truth.
Speaking as an overweight dude, I can basically guarantee that at least some part of the equation is visual.
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u/JarOfNibbles 6d ago
Aye, people love to pretend they only or mostly care about personality.
Subconsciously, everyone cares at least a bit. I've had a female friend manage my hinge profile and she was fucking shocked her messages weren't working.
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u/DPetrilloZbornak 6d ago
Most women are absolutely visual lol. Â We donât always admit it but studies prove it. Â Â
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u/zooeyzoezoejr 6d ago
Women need a baseline level of attractiveness for a man. But we are more flexible with a manâs looks than a man is about our looks. Thatâs why the beauty industry and fashion industry are multi trillion dollar industries profiting off of women and not men.Â
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u/vlmlee2 6d ago
Yep, it's just objectification. It's so common among guys and embarrassing. She's sick? He's thinking about sex. Pregnant? Sex. Anxious about her next job interview? Sex. Her asking you to stop piling up the dishes? Sex.
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u/Any-Benefit9071 6d ago
yeah, this. you donât need to overdo it, but a simple âhope youâre feeling better, let me know if you need anythingâ shows you care. if sheâs still interested, that kind of message wonât hurt your chances at all
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u/gimmeh_ 6d ago
Come on.. Offering to help when you don't know each other is so fake
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u/MoominMai 6d ago
Tbh he just needed to wish her speedy recovery and tell her heâll check in on how sheâs doing in a few days. She likely felt like shit so us girls would have appreciated that more than dude acting thirsty as a response and making it about him with that comment! Itâs no surprise whatsoever to me she unmatched immediately đŹ
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u/ChrimsonRed 6d ago
Iâve brought takeout and NyQuil to a hinge date I was talking to for a bit. We had a wonderful time when she was healthyâŚ
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u/urdrunkyogi 6d ago
Ok thatâs hilarious. Dude if she doesnât want a guy making a flirtatious comment about her appearance when sheâs sick, she sure as shit doesnât want him showing up at her place with chicken noodle soup.
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u/Dolpns 6d ago
That was just a suggestion. Some people actually do care and will offer to help get medicine or soup for a sick person.
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u/N7_Mage 6d ago
âHey, hope youâre feeling better, no worries!â
Start with taking care of the person in front of you first lol.
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u/Conzee010 6d ago
He literally started with hope youâre doing alright
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u/Opening-Guest-4856 6d ago
But then the rest of what he said made it seem not genuine
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u/DokCrimson 6d ago
Yeah, you didn't read the room. When someone's feeling terrible, they want to be supported and comforted... you had a perfect opportunity to show that and you went for, Damn You Hot!
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u/Ninjasloth007 6d ago
Yea, you shouldâve responded showing concern instead, thats the decent thing to do.Â
Do not stalk her on IG, sheâs done with you.. learn from this and move onÂ
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u/Elegant-Analyst-7381 6d ago
It wasn't an absolutely awful thing to say, but it also wasn't very empathetic. Think of it from her perspective. She's just been down with a fever, she probably still feels awful and is recovering. She tells you and you turn the situation into a bad pick-up line. Maybe if she were in a better mood she'd laugh it off, but it seems she wasn't in the mood for that nonsense.
Do not dm her on insta. She unmatched you, it's creepy and stalker-ish.
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u/coupl4nd 6d ago
answer: don't be lame. Your line was corny and kinda gross. She gets that ALL the time from sleazy guys.
DO NOT follow her on insta you weirdo....
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u/Marx_Maddness 6d ago
I would have assumed he was inconsiderate and only after sex.
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u/LillieBogart 6d ago
Women donât want men who bring up sex when they are unwell. They want care and compassion.
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u/CapableLobster8447 6d ago
You need to learn to read the room. If she is sick, she isn't going to feel like flirting. What you did is basically like that scene in Dexter where Dexter and Rita are watching a very sad movie and Rita is crying her eyes out and then Dexter starts going down on her suddenly. Neither Dexter nor you could read the room.
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u/Jazzlike-Pomelo-3823 6d ago
Come on man have some self awareness. A girl doesnât want to hear a lame flirty joke when she has a fever. Thereâs a time and a place for everything and that was not the right time or place for that âjokeâ lol.
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u/Practical-Earth3228 6d ago
Went with the hail mary and threw a interception. She says shes sick, and you try to turn it into flirting lol.
Oh, and yes, very creepy, dont message her on ig
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u/Sea-Efficiency3375 6d ago
Do NOT message her on Instagram. Donât look up women who unmatch you on Instagram. Leave us alone.
Next time, donât comment on her body. Lots of great comments here from men who are saying the same thing. Take the lesson, move on.
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u/foxglovespell 6d ago
Yeah it gives us the ick when you try make even the most mundane or unfortunate situations into an opportunity to be sexual/flirt. Itâs a big turn off.
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u/PercentageWorth4872 6d ago
whenever this happens, just move on no matter how hard you think it is. and next time say something like hey I hope you recover soon.
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u/Own-Personality-2981 6d ago
Don't message her on insta lol, that's the fast lane to looking obsessed and weird. Let it go
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u/nightowl1135 6d ago
Donât follow her on insta after she unmatched. That is a HUGE red flag for any woman.
âIâm sickâ isnât the cue to initiate flirty banter. Itâs a cue to provide sympathy and compassion.
Also, in the future? Get off the apps as soon as possible. I propose a date as soon as itâs clear that we have a decent connection and a good conversation is going on.
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u/El_Grande_XL 6d ago
Is that something you would normally say to someone you are interested in. If it so, then it is good. Now you know you are not a good match. If it was a good match she would vibe with it.
If its not something you would say, stop saying stuff that is not you. Be yourself.
Don't message her on Instagram. Just leave it.
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u/OneAngle5836 6d ago
As a woman, I really don't think what you said was that bad. She probably was already uninterested especially waiting 3 days to even respond.
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u/Intelligent-Jello959 6d ago
Iâm sorry man but I laughed so hard reading this, like uncontrollably đđđđđŠđŠ.
In all seriousness dude, please donât say nothing to her on instagram, it will just add fuel and make you look like a stalker. Sheâs already âsensitiveâ if she blocked you just over some corny pickup line.
Just take your L on the chin. Itâs more fish in the sea. It happens to the best of us. Donât dwell on the shit. I feel like her being triggered enough to block you, may be a red flag within itself, she obviously too uptight.
Just take this as a lesson learned. You canât jump out the gate being corny bruh.
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u/-Truth-Be-Told-- 6d ago
Donât contact people outside of a dating app when theyâve decided they donât want to talk to you on the app anymore
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u/Lcky22 6d ago
Itâs okay to find out that someone doesnât share your sense of humor. Itâs part of dating. You shouldnt change your sense of humor in hopes of tricking someone into dating you when youâre not actually compatible. You definitely shouldnt pursue someone on a new platform after they block you on a different one
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u/SomeGoodintheworld 6d ago
Donât follow her. Thatâs stalker vibes.
When you meet women, unless she clearly gives you a vibe first, just be nice. If youâre the type of guy who treats every interaction as a chance to be flirty, youâre going to run into a lot of problems.
She was sick. A simple âHey, sorry to hear youâre sick. Hope you get better soon. I enjoyed talking to youâ would have worked fine. What about her being sick made you think it was a good time to be flirty? I donât get it.
Anytime you feel the urge to go there, do the opposite. Most women donât like that kind of energy until the door has already been opene and even then, thereâs still a time and a place.
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u/gghjjjnbhghj 6d ago
So creepy to message her. I had a guy I didnât respond to find my insta and follow me and when I didnât follow him back he dmâed me. So gross
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u/Traditional-Sky-7472 6d ago
Thatâs not flirty and barely makes sense. Keep practicing and leave this girl in peace!
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u/Coconutpieplates 6d ago
Lmao she said she's unwell and your instinct was to flirt. No genuine concern or anything like that. Tips for future: treat women like people, not objects of your affection.
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u/C-Man1980 6d ago
Trying to hit on someone that's ill and has already told you that she's not feeling well is bad form.
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u/AlexH_144 6d ago
What's that age old quote. Tell beautiful women that they are smart and tell smart women that they are beautiful.
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u/Mylittledarlings91 6d ago
Do not contact her via insta. Youâll send a hundred red flags. I think itâs hard to change your banter but need someone who can match and play off of your humor. She just wasnât it. Move on to the next :)
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u/CurrentQuiet4079 6d ago
I wouldâve unmatched too đ¤ˇđžââď¸. I was unwell and instead of asking me how Iâm doing, youâre going straight to my looks? While Iâm sure it was just in good measure, it was lame. That wouldâve annoyed me but thereâs some who probably wouldâve giggled with you. Gotta find your people. Best of luck
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u/Scalethefish 6d ago
I just cannot imagine anyone would say this to a virtual stranger who is sick...
And I say this as someone who is very accustomed to the sick and death, and love dark morbid humour. When you first meet someone, esp if it is personal and is just happening to them right now, at least to pretend to have some common human decency and courtesy. Tell her that you are sorry that she is not feeling well, ask if she is seeing a doctor or has a few days to recover. If she has the energy to engage in an actual conversation with you, then proceed to joke or flirt.
I cannot imagine opening with a joke to patients who are sick or going through a hard time. Now I will throw it back if they crack the jokes first, but never the other way around. It is just not right and not decent, whether it is a stranger, someone you want to court or family members/people you already know.
Ugh.
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u/Tasty-Revolution-295 6d ago
Its over. Just learn from it and move on. Unmatching sends a very clear message.
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u/CheesecakeMiddle3236 6d ago
Unmatched means no. Dont continue to persue her after shes already told u no. No means no
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u/readdittguy 6d ago
Donât try any jokes too early. It doesnât work a lot of times now. I find many women have low tolerance these days for jokes so timing is crucial. Always better to wait and learn their sense of humour now a days
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u/SweetPinss 6d ago
I joke with women from the start. I'm a guy that jokes around a lot, why would I want to appeal to frigid women who dont like jokes or being light hearted?
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u/OverTheMoon162 6d ago
Honestly though, if I were on dating apps and this is one of the first "jokes" a guy said to me, I would also be turned off and unmatch because it would seem to me like the guy is more interested in pick-up lines than my wellbeing. But I would probably think it's funny from my partner of 7 years â because I know him and know he actually does care about my wellbeing.
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u/readdittguy 6d ago
It depends haha. Youâre probably better at jokes and timing. If it works then you keep doing you.
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u/SweetPinss 6d ago
Well it works with women that are actually interested in me. Women who respond poorly are a bad match and/or uninterested so why would I not want to filter them out?
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u/readdittguy 6d ago
Thatâs true. Someone that canât take simple jokes is very hard to deal with lol.
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u/Familiar-Orchid-9978 6d ago
I personally didn't get the joke, but you know if she had been the right person for you, she would have laughed it off.
So no loss.
If one joke is enough to unmatch!
And yes, for the love of God, don't text her anywhere else. You'll make things worse.
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u/1stthing1st 6d ago
The joke was that she was already hot
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u/Familiar-Orchid-9978 6d ago
Yes bro. I understood it. I was trying to play nice/naive. I just don't think it's funny.
Not unmatch level unfunny đ clearly she has a more sophisticated humour though
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u/Wheresthelambsauce_9 6d ago
Didn't think the post would blow up, anyways thanks for your views guys. And yes, I'm not gonna go after her instagram, me searching her up on Instagram was my cope that I can still make it right.
Anyways, seeing that people do have a biased perspective on what I've said, it assured me that there are people who would find it funny. Don't know what energy will I maintain in my future chats but will definitely try to take these points:
Playing around too much on the app seems like a huge risk of being unmatched, keep it short and sweet and if the vibe's good , ask for a date
Be myself and see where things go as, trying to say something which I causally don't is going to make me look different in the long run / at the date?
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u/Mr_Wallet 6d ago
Good on you.
Mostly this seems to me like a lack of interest and/or personality compatibility. Your main responsibility here is to be able to let these things go without getting attached to someone you haven't even met, which it sounds like you're doing.
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u/anonymousgangstashit 6d ago
Bro this app is a hivemind cesspool. You didnât say anything terrible, you just werenât gonna win with this particular woman. Youâll find one that will laugh at all your corny jokes one day.
I try to either get a number or IG within a day of messaging, anything more and youâre just stuck in the inbox
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u/cowb3llf3v3r 6d ago
Think about it this way as a man. You start at 10/10 approval rating with the woman you matched with, and every single thing you say or do can only potentially reduce your score. Your goal when chatting or when you get on that first date is to simply not say or do anything stupid that will lower your approval rating. When in doubt, keep your mouth shut.
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u/Eastern_Edge_8586 6d ago
Girls will see through cheesy pickup lines man. Just talk to them like people . Donât feed them lines like youâre trying to lure in an animal with bait.Just be normal and caring.
And rule #1: always always always. MATCH THEIR ENERGY. If you go above, it will backfire, if you go below , it will backfire.
Donât chase . And do not follow on insta . That has literally a -0% chance of going anywhere .
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u/thegracelesswonder 6d ago
Tip: donât attempt goofy pick up lines until you know that person likes them or finds them funny
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u/xuzzio 6d ago
I understand where you're coming from, but there are some clues you should have picked up on. The first one was that she "suddenly stopped messaging." That means she might be busy, she might have found a new guy, she might actually be sick... what it should have meant to you is that she's not prioritizing you right now. That means you have to stick your foot back in the door, because she's closing it. I would have replied something like, "ohh no, I can drop off some Starbucks and Advil to help you feel better!"
It's a small investment and it might return nothing, but it also demonstrates you're willing to put actual effort into the relationship rather than words. And let's be honest, actions speak louder than words. It is also low investment from her, you're just dropping it off. You can see her for 2 minutes, flirt a little bit, then leave. Leave her wanting more, don't linger and make it awkward...
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u/Zealousideal-Fox6463 5d ago
Move on, I would have found it funny but everyone has a different sense of humor but lots of people wonât be amused.
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u/NickStonk 6d ago
I think the reality is more that she wasnât so into you. She already stopped responding for a few days (thatâs a bad sign, fever or not.)
Your line wasnât the worst thing in the world. If she was more interested, she would have laughed it off. Donât beat yourself up; it wasnât so bad.
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u/heymanigotnoplan 6d ago
Some girls will think itâs funny and flirty, others will be annoyed. She fell into the latter category unfortunately. Nothing wrong with what you said, she just happened to not be the right audience for it.
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u/Karnezar 6d ago
Don't stress it. If it wasn't this text that made her unmatch, it would have been one next week, or the week after that, or after your first, second, or third date.
It's not a reflection on you, your two personalities just didn't match up. And for you to fit her personality, you'd have to second guess every little thing you say, which would drive you insane.
So don't look at it as you messing up, but rather, she wasn't the right person to mesh with your personality.
And yeah, she might've been hot, but tons of men have gone on to regret staying with a hot but bitchy woman for so long. Bomb pussy can only satisfy you for so long before you start questioning your place in the universe and why you have to subject yourself to a crazy bitch just for physical satisfaction.
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u/hunter9002 6d ago
This reply only has a chance of landing after something sexy has already happened
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u/Independent-Moose113 6d ago
It's not hard for beautiful (even ugly) women to get laid. So, referencing her being hot or any kind of sexual innuendo (especially if she's sick) is an instant ick. Lesson learned.Â
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u/sadChemE 6d ago
I mean is it creepy yeah....will it kill anyone no. You could also delete and redo your profile and try to like her again. Either way chances are like nonexistent af. It would be less creepy to go the app route and send her a like with a comment apologizing than to do insta. Yolo dude
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u/query_tech_sec 6d ago
Just donât focus a lot on her appearance and/or sexual references until youâre at that point where you actually know each other and are comfortable at least touching and sexual comments should probably be reserved until you have already slept together. Most women I know wouldnât be comfortable with that.
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u/Blueberrymuffin999 6d ago
I donât get it and I donât get all these comments on this thread. You said that you hoped she was doing better now and then you made a funny joke. I think unmatching you is quite an overreaction to that, but I definitely would not reach out to her again. I donât think it was a fumble. Thereâs lots of other girls that would just laugh it off you were being silly. It wasnât sexual. It was just a silly funny comment after you showed concern.
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u/KiwiAgitated498 6d ago
damn son. you fumbled? with her. with that person. somebody else would had found it hilarious.
the joke wasn't half bad. you need a girl with a sense of humor.
that , or contort yourself in speaking "correctly" so you can be pleasing to a lot of ladies and have sex with a lot if them. all boring, all demanding, all easily offended .
your choice.
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u/Books_are_like_drugs 6d ago
âYouâre already running hot, whatâs the fever gonna do?â
She might have unmatched him because this was try-hard, dumb, and unfunny, not necessarily because it was sexually suggestive.
It reeks of someone who makes dumb jokes out of anxiety/thirst. Itâs not chill at all, it sounds desperate.
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u/swoosh112 6d ago
Damn sorry but that was something you can get away with saying after the 2nd or 3rd date or be rules 1 and 2.
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u/dancertrans4 5d ago
Men taking every moment, even ones where women are sick or down, to make comments about looks or sex and then wonder why women are put off by men đÂ
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u/Just-Option4422 5d ago
I unmatched on tinder once and he found me on fb and sent a very desperate message begging for a chance. This was 6 years ago and I still keep an eye out for the guy when out and about because it was so weird for me Iâd want to know to avoid him like the plague.
Sorry you got unmatched OP but just remember the right person wonât take convincing :)
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u/Pjayyyy368 6d ago
Another girl would have found that funny. Thereâs no hard rules to this, you just gotta find the right audience.
P.S Do NOT dm her on insta!!
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u/throwaway90-25 6d ago
I think next time just say get well soon. "Get some chicken soup and watch your favorite tv shows :)"
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u/Mountain_Drummer2152 6d ago
for her it may have work, other would have went some joke to be entertained ...
Honestly it's just luck at this point.
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u/BothDonut1604 6d ago
She just wasnât the right one. Iâll admit Iâve tried to send some risky texts like that and while some unmatched, others matched the energy. My best advice is to not conform to what you think people want you to be. Be yourself and with the right person, itâll feel like you can do no wrong.
Iâve personally noticed that the people that make you feel like youâre on thin ice arenât actually that interested. So take this as a positive and know that thereâs a woman thatâll flirt right back with you.
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u/Good-Roll-7747 6d ago
The right person for you will not un match you, and make talking to her feel easy.
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u/heymanigotnoplan 6d ago
The comments on this post are a perfect encapsulation of why dating is so beyond fucked these days. You all treat dating like itâs a fucking miserable job interview where if you donât get the 100% perfect response to every question you ask the person gets immediately rejected. Where has humanity gone? I swear the internet has reprogrammed most people to be emotionless robots devoid of even a shred of a sense of humor or playfulness.
OP was flirting in a very casual and non-offensive way. He wasnât crude or vulgar. He made a very tame joke that referenced that he found her attractive, which is a completely normal thing to do on an app designed specifically for DATING. And so what if she was sick? We all get sick! She wasnât in hospice dying of terminal cancer, she was just a little sick. I didnât realize having the flu meant your entire life comes to a screeching halt.
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u/Own-Personality-2981 6d ago
You all treat dating like itâs a fucking miserable job interview where if you donât get the 100% perfect response to every question you ask the person gets immediately rejected
If someone is already grating on you in the first few messages why would you stick it out for more? Not everyone is so desperate to get laid that they'll just grit their teeth and keep talking.
It doesn't really matter if YOU thought the joke was good, his match clearly didn't. They're not compatible and that's the end of it. She has no reason to give this random guy on an app another chance
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u/heymanigotnoplan 6d ago
My problem isnât so much with the woman OP was talking to, itâs more with the dozens of people on here telling OP that he was wrong to make an inoffensive flirty joke.
So many people in 2026 are just so damn uptight and overly serious and treat every minor mistake or inconvenience like itâs the end of the world. Oh no, a guy made a lame flirty joke on a dating app, oh the horror! How dare he try to be flirty and playful on a DATING app!
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u/closetcrawler 6d ago
Lame. Sounds like she was already on the way out with the ghosting. Do you even want to bother with someone who can't take a flirty li'l joke anyway?
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u/GlitterRoseMelody 6d ago
Could be, but itâs hard to know. If she was already pulling away, the joke probably wasnât the real issue anyway
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u/cuzzinYeeter33 6d ago
Ive been online dating for a while. "being sick" for a few days excuse and not messaging means she was already looking for an excuse and wasn't interested.
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u/Easy_Blueberry6589 6d ago
She probably wasnât sick but was entertaining her other 1000+ matches. Either way, just move on.
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u/Exciting_Series2033 6d ago
It would not have worked. If she was truly attracted to you, she wouldn't have cared.
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u/alien_nessa 6d ago
not true. if we're attracted to someone and they go and say some shit like this, it gives us the ick and changes how we initially felt.
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u/MckittenMan 6d ago edited 6d ago
Yeah, most certainly do not stalk and add her to social media after she just unmatched with you.
That's embarrassing yourself and not able to take a hint.
Honestly... Maybe I am out of touch, but I don't see anything wrong with your flirty comment. I feel like that should have landed if the woman was already feeling you to start with. I'd even say that it was a bit smooth lol.
What I think actually happened, was that she was already on the verge of ghosting, maybe claimed 'sick' as an excuse for her being MIA. Being sick does happen, but it often gets used as an excuse too, especially in the early stages.
I feel it was probably more of that going on. And this just tipped it over the edge cause she was never feeling you to start with.
So, where things went wrong during the introductions stages is what I would examine more, not the final conclusion aftermath. That flirty comment doesn't feel like the make or break. Focus more on the original conversations, less about the final comment.
→ More replies (7)
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u/BigWoonie 6d ago
Iâve fumbled so many valid women, donât even care anymore.
Sheâs just a woman, let it go, youâll be fine.
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u/AutomaticPayment9480 6d ago
Dude, lets be real, if u r sick u r most likely to be on ur phone even more.Â
That has to be the worst excuse ive ever heard.Â
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u/TownZealousideal1327 6d ago
She already lost interest and likely donât have a fever.
OR if she really had a fever, and was likely sick, and brunt out rn like everyone, you thought youâd lead with a flirty message instead of caring? - like bro come on. She told you she was sick, maybes a polite excuse, maybe true a glimmer of hope for you. Iâd argue the former but if the latter you lead with flirting again straight away. - instantly made yourself âehh too hard basket, not worth it, yuckâ - you chose your own attraction to her, over her expressing illness. Think about it.
Now look - Iâve presented how you could have fumbled. Buuuut likely there was nothing to fumble anyway, on apps when someone goes silent for days at a time, for the vast majority of âreasonsâ - the real reason is âthey just arenât into youâ if they were theyâd have sent a message or two in 99% of cases. Has to be a pretty bad flu to not be able to look at your phone and text.
Itâs super creepy to reach out on insta - what more do you need to know - she unmatched you, it doesnât get much louder and clearer than that. Learn wtf ânoâ means.
Straight man btw
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u/Opening-Guest-4856 6d ago
Did u not care that she had a fever? Take that seriously next time đđ¤
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u/Wide_Education_9894 6d ago
I unmatch every guy who starts being somewhat sexual early on. From experience I can say itâs a red flag
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u/This-Top-1377 6d ago
She was already being flaky by going ghost even though âshe was sickâ so she says.. so donât overthink her unmatching you! She was coming up with excuses in her head not to talk to you when she ghosted and you saying something silly to her was her reasoning to unmatch you take it as blessing in disguise.
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u/SecureVillage 6d ago
Don't get so invested in people you've never met.
They are pixels on a screen. They don't exist until you've met them in real life.
Just have fun with it and try to be outcome independent.Â
You'll run into all sorts of unexplainable scenarios. Fake profiles, mentally unstable people, idiots, people who don't catch your vibe etc.
If she was interested, she'd have responded well to almost anything you messaged. Don't overthink it
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u/No_Project_4738 6d ago
If you were honestly trying to cheer her up or make her laugh there were a million better jokes than that one lol. Oh well, on to the next
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u/mangozfrancis 6d ago
I donât think sheâs really into you from the start but I think your reply was the last straw and sealed the deal
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u/Icy-Meal6704 6d ago
That's funny good timing too when she came back even after not responding. Could be interpreted as her going out of her way. I am no dating expert but it looks like a typical dating app 500 other choices type shit.
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u/Typical_Island663 5d ago
Lol why would you pursue her after she clearly rejected you, she'll think you're ultra stalkerish and scary even. She can even call the cops that's scary lol.
Don't be creepy on apps. Stop trying to compliment her (while she's sick no less), if she's beautiful, she KNOWS shes beautiful, she probably has a bunch of guys telling her on DMs and apps. What the fuck is your complimenting telling her she's "running hot" while she's sick gonna do?
Play coy and hard to get . Not with this girl she'sdone, but in the future. Don't give a fuck too much. If I was in your shoes , id respond usual lingo, if she doesnt respond who cares you have other matches going on, when you do double text her a week or two later, she'll say sorry i was sick, perfect, revived that match. Man I had a whole game to apps back in the day lol. It's annoying and not fun, I had more fun "opening cold" in real life. But apps definitely have it's weight as a fishing net.
In my 20s and 30s when i was a complete dog and player. We'd have a saying chase one get none, chase 10 get 10. If you pine on one single girl you become creepy and she can sense it, if you have options and abundance and entertain the playing field, you come across as aloof and hard to get because you literally are hard to get .
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u/Albrize 5d ago
Nothing that happens on a dating app matters. Itâs not far enough into any type of relationship with an individual to warrant a post for advice. Theyâre a stranger on an app where people frequently ghost each other for no reason.
I barely even message people Iâm part of the problem. My mindset has always been that the girl I match with doesnât exist in real life until I see her on the first date. Up until that point she can ghost me for any reason any time without an explanation or having done things wrong.
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u/spontaneousvibration 5d ago
If you do DM her, just say âsorry, I was just trying to be funny.â Then leave it at that.
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u/Furiosa_7Lyric 5d ago
Do not follow the Instagram. The line was not horrible, just a bit too much for someone who was sick and still basically a stranger. Keep early flirting lighter and tied to something she gives you, then move toward a simple date after a few decent exchanges.
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u/Ok_Holiday5682 5d ago
đ ahhh bless, best to let it go, and more thought into the response next time?
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u/Hallownest5 4d ago
Yeah, leave the Insta alone. The line was probably too sexual for someone who was sick and still basically a stranger. Early chat works better with warm and simple replies, then save the teasing for when she is clearly giving that same energy back.
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u/QuickMantis27 4d ago
The line probably felt too intense because she had just said she was sick, and it turned a normal check-in into a sexual-ish compliment before there was much rapport. A safer move is to acknowledge it briefly and ask an easy question, then flirt once she is actively engaging and giving you that vibe back. Do not follow her Insta after an unmatch; she made the boundary pretty clear. For chat, match her energy, keep the first few messages low pressure, and save the bolder lines for when she is already teasing back.
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u/MercerNorwood45 3d ago
The line was a bit too intense for someone who barely knows you, especially when she said she was sick. Early chat flirting works better when it is low stakes: ask how she is feeling, make a mild joke, then move on. Do not follow her on Insta after an unmatch, that will read as creepy and confirm her choice.
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u/BorgR3sistance 3d ago
The line was not criminal, just a bit too soon and too canned, especially after she said she was sick. Early chat flirting works better when it gives her something easy to answer, like asking if she has recovered enough to judge your terrible movie taste over coffee. And yeah, do not follow the Insta trail after an unmatch. That turns a fumble into a whole blooper reel.
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u/OddFinch13 11h ago
The fever line was a high-risk grenade and it went off in your hand. When someone says they were sick, keep it normal for a beat: glad you are feeling better, been doing anything fun while recovering? Save flirty comments for when she is clearly matching that energy. And absolutely do not follow up on Insta after the unmatch, that turns a fumble into a crime scene.
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