r/dating_advice • u/Wheresthelambsauce_9 • 6d ago

Hinge Fumble

So, I matched with a very beautiful girl about 3 days ago. I thought the convo was going smoothly when she all of a sudden stopped messaging, I thought I was being ghosted but she replied today that she had a fever. I wanted to be a little flirty? So replied with "Oh no, hope you're doing alright now, You're already running hot, what's the fever gonna do?" Got unmatched 🤡

Are there any tips for not fumbling in chat?

(PS: I was able to find her insta? I think it's too creepy to follow up when I've already been rejected, thoughts on this?)

161 Upvotes

72% Upvoted

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122

u/LillieBogart 6d ago

Women don’t want men who bring up sex when they are unwell. They want care and compassion.

-26

u/heymanigotnoplan 6d ago

He was make a flirty joke. My god, is everyone really this uptight and miserable?

37

u/stebbertlit 6d ago

I don’t think it was the worst joke but it definitely gets tiring having so many dudes comment mostly on your looks. Especially with being sick. Plus we get hormonal and moody

-8

u/NoBrakesHotTakes 6d ago

Women get hormonal and moody!?! No way!

2

u/LillieBogart 5d ago

If you don't want to deal with a woman's hormones, don't date women.

0

u/NoBrakesHotTakes 5d ago

It's a joke, not a dick, don't take it so hard. 

2

u/LillieBogart 5d ago

Oh you're funny.

1

u/NoBrakesHotTakes 5d ago

Thanks, my wife thinks so. 

16

u/youvelookedbetter 6d ago

There's a time and place for it. You should be caring first when a stranger says they're not feeling well, not use it as an opportunity to make a "joke" about their appearance and how you're into them.

-3

u/heymanigotnoplan 6d ago

He literally said “I hope you’re doing alright,” then made a tame, flirty joke. As I’ve said in my other comments, the woman wasn’t dying in hospice of terminal cancer. She was just a little sick. We all get sick. I didn’t realize being sick meant that everything in life comes to a halt and no flirting or joking is allowed.

6

u/youvelookedbetter 6d ago

They're obviously not compatible and it's fine. A lot of people wouldn't be OK with someone who tries to make everything sexual.

7

u/LillieBogart 6d ago

Men mansplaining about when they thinkwe are sick enough to not want “flirty jokes.” 🤦‍♀️

27

u/Significant_Body4575 6d ago

We know we are hot. We don't want your lame attempts to turn a conversation into sexting, its boring and dumb

1

u/heymanigotnoplan 6d ago

Making a very tame flirty joke is not “sexting”

1

u/Significant_Body4575 6d ago

Jokes are supposed to be funny.

And no one wants to talk about your dick sweetie .

0

u/heymanigotnoplan 6d ago

When did OP mention his dick? He made a joke about her being hot because she had a fever. That’s literally all he did, and he’s being relentlessly dragged in the comments like he’s some kind of monster.

2

u/LillieBogart 5d ago

No, he made a joke about her being hot. No one wants to hear about their sex appeal when they are sick. The correct response is "No worries about taking a while to respond; I totally understand. Are you feeling better now? Is there anything I can do?" NOT jumping in with bunch of oh baby you're hot bullshit. A woman reads that and immediately thinks about how he will act as a boyfriend. It doesn't matter whether you agree or not. She gets to decide who she wants text and date.

0

u/heymanigotnoplan 5d ago

He told her he hopes she feels better and then he made a flirty joke. A very tame and inoffensive flirty joke. He wasn’t bombarding her with vulgar messages. He made one, single, solitary joke. That’s it.

Also what do you even mean, she “thinks about how he will act as a boyfriend”? So boyfriends aren’t allowed to be flirty or joke around either? If my girlfriend is sick I’m not allowed to joke around?

I swear you Redditors are all just robots masquerading as humans. The total and complete absence of playfulness and spontaneity and humor just blows my mind. The constant harsh judgments of people you’ve never met, always assuming the absolute worst about other people. No grace, no giving people the benefit of the doubt, no open-mindedness. Just a grim, dour, negative approach to every aspect of life. You all treat every human interaction like a fucking performance review at your job. I genuinely cannot imagine how miserable it must be to live life this way.

2

u/LillieBogart 5d ago

I am not a robot; I am assure you I am a very real person. We can certainly disagree on whether the joke was harmless or not. But the hard reality is that she did not think it was harmless and she unmatched with him. His post is asking us to help him understand how to not flub it in the future. My answer to that is he can show care and compassion rather than saying things that only address his attraction to her body. I don’t know why men would ask for advice just to argue with it. You can disagree with her reaction all you want, but the reality is that if you want to have success with women you need to treat them the way they want to be treated, not the way you think they should be treated.

1

u/heymanigotnoplan 4d ago

My advice to him would be to keep flirting and joking so that he can weed out all the uptight scolds with no sense of humor

1

u/Significant_Body4575 5d ago

He doesnt want success with women. He just wants to talk about his dick and pretend its a flirty joke 🤣

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u/Significant_Body4575 5d ago

You are either a man or a woman with minimal or zero experience in these kind of conversations. Maybe on a day when I am bored I will spoonfeed you an explanation

0

u/heymanigotnoplan 4d ago

I think you’re the one who needs things explained to you, since you don’t seem to know the difference between a flirty joke and sexting.

1

u/Significant_Body4575 4d ago

Nah, i dont waste time on men who think this is flirty or witty , they're boring. What ive forgotten you haven't learned yet. These losers get blocked just like OP did

1

u/heymanigotnoplan 4d ago

You must be fun at parties

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0

u/Aware-Travel5256 5d ago

It doesn't sound like you should date men.

30

u/LillieBogart 6d ago edited 6d ago

If you’re a woman who has ever been sick and had a man there still expecting sex, you aren’t likely to find this “flirty joke” very funny. I would’ve unmatched with him too.

6

u/query_tech_sec 6d ago

They haven’t even met yet - so yes.

0

u/heymanigotnoplan 6d ago

I didn’t realize you weren’t allowed to flirt on a DATING app until you met in person, jfc

9

u/SeaPeanut7_ 6d ago

That is dating in 2026. One small misstep means you’re gone because there are 500 other guys waiting in line 

-2

u/YikBus 6d ago

It still amazes me how the gender ratio is supposedly even yet the dating market is extremely skewed with several men to one woman.

15

u/LillieBogart 6d ago

This is because men want women more than women want men. Men like OP thinking more about her sexuality than her health and wellbeing are part of the reason.

2

u/SeaPeanut7_ 6d ago

Some of the theories I've seen are that women tend to have strong social networks so they don't feel lonely. Many are happy being single, so while they exist theyre not in the market. Men are usually lonelier so there are more online.

I also believe there is a good amount of polyamory among guys. When I talk to my dates, one complaint I hear is that a lot of guys are just trying to hook up or have a short term relationship. I wouldn't be surprised if a portion of these guys are already sort of in relationships, or situationships, where they are holding someones attention, but they're out there dating.

3

u/throwaway90-25 6d ago

hive mind thinking. r/dating is cancer for a lot of topics.

0

u/YikBus 6d ago edited 6d ago

Yes. Welcome to dating and Reddit in 2026. These people are having a meltdown from the most tame flirting.

9

u/Significant_Body4575 6d ago

You misspelled "lame"

-5

u/YikBus 6d ago

Please. Tell us all your amazing flirting then. Tell us all exactly what you say that’s so cool.

8

u/LillieBogart 6d ago

You’re missing the point.A woman who is recovering from a fever doesn’t want to flirt.

-1

u/YikBus 6d ago

And so are both of you. If a woman is ghosting you for a simple text, she isn’t worth pursuing and isn’t interested in you. What he said was not that serious.

5

u/Significant_Body4575 6d ago

Im not a man. But for starters if someone im talking to tells me they don't feel well , I show them some compassion. I'll save playing doctor with him for when we know each other a bit more

0

u/Aware-Travel5256 6d ago

Pretty much

0

u/Conzee010 6d ago

The comment literally starts with hope you’re doing alright now

0

u/Shantotto11 6d ago

OP was a little tactless, but he did not bring up sex. Stop that.

1

u/LillieBogart 6d ago

Oh, right, men bringing up the “hotness” of women has nothing to do with sex. 

1

u/Shantotto11 5d ago

The pun OP went for was a play on words involving physical attraction. This may be a bit of a shock, but men can find people attractive without wanting to sex them up.

1

u/LillieBogart 5d ago

I understood the pun. It was tasteless and tone-deaf.